Perhaps you’re one of the lucky ones who hasn’t heard about a bunch of sound and fury signifying nothing emanating from group of county commissioners who have proposed that a little chunk of Northern Colorado become the 51st state. If not, here’s what you need to know:
The pro-secession leaders say Denver ignores rural Colorado on issues like agriculture, oil and gas development and gun rights.
Which one of those things do you think these idiots really care about?
What gets me about these secession efforts is that there is no more privileged cohort than rural Americans. Rural states get far more federal money than they pay in. One recent example: federal subsidies that pay to run telecommunications miles into the country to serve a few subscribers are funded by universal taxes on long distance, which means poor people in urban areas are paying for rural telephone lines. There are hundreds of other federal programs tailored specifically to make sure that Americans in rural areas have all the accoutrements of civilization that city and suburb dwellers enjoy.
Yet there’s no fucking gratitude from these hicks, and by “hicks” I mean specifically the know-nothings who dream up idiot schemes like secession, not people like my relatives who live in rural areas and understand how lucky they are to be first in line at the federal trough. Instead of using the pie holes that Baby Jesus gave them to thank urban states for their clean water, well-maintained roads, electricity and telecommunication, they choose to forcefully eject verbal diarrhea like this secession talk. And the media laps it up mainly because it pisses off their urban/suburban audience, and pissed off people click on stories.
These fuckers either need to be ignored, laughed at, or told to secede from Colorado and attach themselves to Wyoming. Wyoming got $1.11 of every federal dollar they paid in at last accounting, which I will grant is nothing compared to the $2.03 that New Mexico soaked up, but it is a hell of a lot better than the $0.81 Colorado got. And I guarantee that nobody is going to do anything but venerate their precious fucking guns in Wyoming.