I’m pretty inconsolable, but I really do want to thank each and every one of you for trying to do the impossible act of cheering me up. I just can not believe he is gone. We were together for twelve years, basically the longest relationship I have ever had with anyone not a very close friend or family, and the suddenness is overwhelming.
I buried him in his favorite blanket (the one with all the kitties on it that you guys used to joke about), and I put him in the back yard in his favorite spot in the yard, which was the only place that had morning, afternoon, and evening sun. He spent so much time there that I had to put sunscreen on his pink ears so he would not get burnt or develop cancer. Earlier this morning I picked him up and was holding him like a baby- he loved it- and rubbing his belly and he would always lick my hand while I did it, and I actually thought “It’s a good thing he has been saving up his energy sleeping for the last decade because I want him around for another one.” I buried him in a place in the back yard I can see from the deck, so he may not be there on the porch with me, but he will be there.
I almost feel guilty for how I portrayed him as mean and vicious, but you all saw through that. He was really a super sweet cat, and everyone who came to the house would get a complimentary 15 minutes of Tunch on the lap. He wasn’t skittish around folks like some cats- he would walk right up and say hi and jump on your lap. And everyone who met him had two things to say “MY GOD HE IS BIG” and “Wow he is super sweet.”
I never mentioned this before, because I always thought it was really, really weird and I didn’t want to deal with the comments, but one of Tunch’s idiosyncratic behaviors was every time I left the bathroom door open and went to the bathroom, he would come in, and while I was on the throne, lick my toes. I have no idea why, but after a couple years you just deal with it and flip the pages of sports illustrated to the next article.
I just can’t believe he is gone, and in such a violent way after I pampered him and was so protective for so long, freaking out when he got out of my apartment before I moved here with the fence, with me driving around town for hours in the dark, ruining clothes as I climbed through bushes because I saw him and wanted him home where he belongs.
Now all that is left is my memories, a grave in the back yard, and a bloody t-shirt and shorts from when I found him just lying there lifeless in the back yard. God damnit I’m crying again. I haven’t cried in decades.
I’m never going to get over this. I don’t know how I am going to sleep.