I Need a Drink and a Quick Decision

Adieu, ma belle Michele:

I have decided next year I will not seek a fifth Congressional term,” she said in a video on her campaign Web site. “This decision was not impacted in any way by the recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff,” she added.[…]
“My decision was not in any way influenced by any concerns about my being re-elected to Congress,” she said. “If I ran I would again defeat the individual who I defeated last year.”

There’s no messaging fail like a Bachmann messaging fail. After reading that piece, I expected it to end with “Marcus’ arrest for activities in a truck stop restroom had no bearing on my decision to pack up my bags and go home.”

I don’t know what I’ll miss more: the soft music of her sweet lies, her crazy eyes, or her fabulous beard of a husband. No matter: she’s gone, and I’ve got to learn how to face it.






79 replies
  1. 1
    Zirgar says:

    I really hate that she’s leaving on her own terms (seemingly, anyway) and not because she was beaten soundly by a sane person in the next election. Good riddance, nonetheless.

  2. 2
    Bob says:

    There will be others to fill the void. Just remember, peak wingnut is a bogus concept.

  3. 3
    Nina says:

    This will probably make it harder for the Democrats to take the seat – she lost her last election by 500 votes, in a district that went 15 points Romney over Obama.

    Of course, 10 of those points were ‘at least he’s white’ points. But still, generic Republican will probably take her place.

    It would have been nice to see her meet indictment and electoral defeat, but at least we’ll still have indictment.

  4. 4
    beltane says:

    @Zirgar: Yes, her concession speech would have been sweet, sweet music to our ears.

  5. 5
    Steeplejack (tablet) says:

    Don’t worry, there will be another crazy-ass Republican grifter who will step up to occupy the slot. Their bench is deep.

  6. 6
    Chyron HR says:

    What? No exhortation to “Repeal Al Franken”? Is our Michelles learning?

  7. 7
  8. 8
    Wag says:

    @Zirgar:

    I don’t think the investigations into her Presidential campaign will stop. She’s just getting out before the next shoe drops. I’ll worry if she make a ” You won’t have Shelly Bachman to kick around any more speech,” because then she’ll rise from political grave.

    And why did she drop her announcement video at 2 am?

  9. 9
    dr. bloor says:

    She’s been bought. No doubt a sweet wingnut-welfare payday is in place so they can run another Republican whose psychosis is not yet apparent to the voting public.

  10. 10
    Nina says:

    @Wag: 2 AM on Memorial Day week when half the press is on vacation – someone wants to sneak out of town like a dog in the night.

  11. 11
    sal says:

    I don’t think you’ll have to miss her for long. Just tune into Fox News next year, you’ll see all of her you want.

  12. 12
    Andy R says:

    Marcus was caught in a local rest room and this was the conditions for them dropping the charges.
    I am sure Fox News will find a spot for her.

  13. 13
    beltane says:

    @dr. bloor: Pat Robertson is getting old and senile. He will soon need a young, senile replacement and Michele fits the bill quite nicely.

  14. 14
    EconWatcher says:

    I always found her attractive. But then again, since college days, I’ve always had an odd thing for the crazy girls (with the exception of my lovely and completely sane wife).

  15. 15
    sherparick says:

    She has a great future on the Republican/Conservative/Evangelical Grift Machine, or as David Frum memorably put it, the “Conservative Entertainment Industrial Complex.”

  16. 16
    Linda Featheringill says:

    @beltane:

    Michelle as a replacement for Pat Robertson? Interesting idea!

  17. 17
    Shakezula says:

    The battle for this seat is going to be E-P-I-C.

  18. 18
    dr. bloor says:

    @beltane: It would be worth it to watch her blame tornados on The Ghey. She could have Marcus on after every natural disaster and grill him on who he had buttsecks with the night before.

  19. 19
    beltane says:

    @Linda Featheringill: Her next life as a wingnut welfare beneficiary will definitely be in the evangelical wing of the lunatic asylum. Unlike Palin, who is nothing but an unabashed grifter seeking financial gain, Bachmann is a genuine psycho who truly believes in the fundie agenda. She needs a big helping of Jeebus along with the grift.

  20. 20
    Ash Can says:

    When I first heard the news, my first thought was that the campaign finance investigation must be starting to really hit home. I hope she’s busted sooner rather than later, and sent up the river for a good long time.

    @dr. bloor:

    She’s been bought. No doubt a sweet wingnut-welfare payday is in place so they can run another Republican whose psychosis is not yet apparent to the voting public.

    This is what I’m afraid of. Hopefully the primary for her seat will produce this instead of the candidate the party bosses want, and her district can go Dem next year.

  21. 21
    Brendan in NC says:

    @sal: Either that, or DeMint’s got a seat for her at the Heritage Foundation waiting for her.

  22. 22
    Trinity says:

    What a delightful morning this is!

  23. 23
    Chris says:

    @beltane:

    Hasn’t James Dobson already taken over the job of Fundiegelical Pope from the Jerry Falwell/Pat Robertson generation? I don’t follow the religious right that closely but I thought I remembered reading something to that effect.

  24. 24
    imonlylurking says:

    And there goes my dream of an Al vs Shelly cage match. Oh, well-life never gives me what I want.

  25. 25
    grandpa john says:

    @sherparick: I imagine that she has decided to get on the Palin “grift” train where the pay is much better and you don’t have to worry about investigations. or telling the truth.

  26. 26
    Davo says:

    I’m not even sure this is a good thing. She might’ve lost that red district, whereas a somewhat-less-batshit wingnut probably won’t.

    And she was damaging to their brand. She had the propensity for flinging such incredible whoppers that even the lowest of the low-information schmucks had to take notice and scratch their non-existant-chin-hairs every once in awhile..

  27. 27
    red dog says:

    You guys have not mentioned that Rick Santorum will now be the big dog for the Jeebus Freaks.

  28. 28
    quannlace says:

    I thought the funniest bit was that this doesn’t rule out another run for the White House. Hee.
    The reporter said she still has a big following. Sure. So does the Flat Earth Society.

  29. 29
    imonlylurking says:

    @quannlace: Maybe she’ll run for Governor!

  30. 30
    Burnspbesq says:

    I think I can learn how to face this.

  31. 31
    Nylund says:

    If she stayed, the seat would likely go D. If she leaves now, the GOP can run a new crazy person in her place and likely win. My guess is someone somewhere is giving her something big to bow out now.

  32. 32
    nineone says:

    When the goin’ gets tough, One-L gets going…to jail, jail, jail. I’m sure Marcus will offer to go in her stead, y’know, to discipline some barbarians and spread…the Word. Jeez, remember four years ago when the GOP proudly displayed their strong women in power?

    Ha! It is to Tweety laugh.

  33. 33
    bemused says:

    @Zirgar:

    Bachmann is a hard batshit crazy act to follow but considering the number of Bachmann voters/supporters in her district, any lunatic asylum escapee could run there.

  34. 34
    gbear says:

    @Davo: It’ll be good to have her out of the congress but I agree that this will probably make her district a more difficult pickup for democrats, even if they go with someone like Emmer. That district is still going to have teabagger representation.

    And just because she’s not going to be a congressperson doesn’t mean she won’t be on the TV constantly. The village won’t be able to quit her, and she’ll still be a prized speaker at wingnut conventions. We’ll never get away.

    @imonlylurking: I hope for MN’s sake she doesn’t run for governor. The absurdity of a Dayton/Bachmann contest would just rip this state to shreds. the best thing she’d ever done was run for US Congress, thus getting her the hell out of MN government.

  35. 35
    SFAW says:

    @red dog:

    You guys have not mentioned that Rick Santorum will now be the man-on-big-dog for the Jeebus Freaks.

    Fixed, just because.

  36. 36
    SFAW says:

    @Nylund:

    If she stayed, the seat would likely go D.

    Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

    We’ve heard that in each of the last two elections, with a 2012 loss being practically guaranteed (by one or more commenters here) because of the redistricting which was Bachmann-unfriendly.

    If she ever were going to lose, it would have already happened.

  37. 37
    NickT says:

    Well, there goes Hatey Boo Boo.

  38. 38
    SFAW says:

    I think a number of you are wrong, vis-a-vis why she’s leaving.

    It is my theory (a la Anne Elk “Ahem! Ahem!”) that she will end up serving as Ted Cruz’s VP, in the soon-to-be-announced, newly-formed country of Dumbfuckistan. Said country will be located in Cruz’s “home” [sic] state of Nuevo Aztlan Texas.

    Of course, there are about a million other insane wingnuts (sorry for the redundancy) who will be vying for the job, but once they see her going all crazy-eyes on them, they’ll back off.

  39. 39
    nineone says:

    @SFAW:

    If she ever were going to lose, it would have already happened.

    I believe it just did.

  40. 40
    SFAW says:

    @nineone:

    I believe it just did.

    Oh, did they have another election, and I missed it?

  41. 41
    Marc says:

    “I don’t know what I’ll miss more: the soft music of her sweet lies, her crazy eyes, or her fabulous beard of a husband.”

    Pretty sure Michele was the beard in that relationship.

  42. 42
    NickT says:

    There goes Hatey Boo Boo.

    Too soon?

  43. 43
    Forum Transmitted Disease says:

    God, nobody can fuck it up like Bachmann. “I’m leaving, and it’s not because I got caught with an eightball of meth and a truck full of Bibles at the Syrian border. And I am NOT guilty of anything else to do with an abandoned car found at the Juarez point of entry, either.”

  44. 44
    SFAW says:

    @Forum Transmitted Disease:

    You forgot Poland the Lindbergh baby kidnapping, but outside of that, your list looks good.

  45. 45
    David Hunt says:

    Yeah, she’s gone…in 2015. And since she doesn’t have to run for re-election, she doesn’t have to act sane hold back as a sop to the liberal media. We’ve got 18 months of pure undistilled Bachmann coming our way now.

  46. 46
    RaflW says:

    As a Minnesotan, can I just say: “Can I get an Amen!?!”

  47. 47
    TBDBITL says:

    Maybe now the Onion will reconsider…

  48. 48
    feebog says:

    I have mixed feelings about this announcement. Like many of you, I appreciated the many instances of complete batshit crazy that Bachman brought to the political stage. On the other hand, her type of no-compromise, my way or the highway approach to governing is exactly what is wrong with the current make-up of the GOP. One of three things will happen now. Her last opponent, a self-financed businessman with name recognition will win the seat; or a more moderate Republican will step forward and win; or another completely loony Tea-Party type will crawl our from under a rock and take the seat.

    This election in this particular district may tell us a lot about the future of the Republican party.

  49. 49
    belieber says:

    Now you can masturbate for the next 3 years over how you are sure her and Palin are going to run in 2016.

  50. 50
    NickT says:

    @belieber:

    Judging others by yourself again?

  51. 51
    Seanly says:

    She’s not gone yet! If she’s got a wingnut welfare position lined up (or in need of one), she’ll amp up the crazy so she can work the grift when she lands at AEI, ALEC or Heritage.

  52. 52
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    It’s still the wingnuttiest district in the state, so it’s a tricky pickup, given that MN-6 has shown a consistent desire (among at least 51% of voters) to elect a crazy person.

    My question would be whether she has the ability to take herself out of the primary contest to pick the GOP candidate for 2014, or whether she’ll loom loon over it.

  53. 53
    Mandalay says:

    @mistermix

    I expected it to end with “Marcus’ arrest for activities in a truck stop restroom had no bearing on my decision to pack up my bags and go home.”

    You really are a homophobe. Posts like yours just make it harder for people who are struggling with coming out. You reinforce all the negative stereotypes.

    For you, if someone seems gay they must suck cock in a restroom. For you, “pray away the gay” is clear evidence of suppressed sexuality. For you, all his children are a cunning ruse to deceive the world. For you his demeanor is clear evidence that he must be gay, because your super sensitive gaydar goes off like crazy, and you are never wrong. Please reassure us that some of your best friends are gay, so it’s therefore OK for you to post stuff like this.

    There are many reasons to go after the Bachmanns, especially their vile “pray away the gay”, but your views on the manliness of Marcus, and your fantasy about a restroom don’t qualify. Grow up.

    You are a smart guy with lots of interesting views on the world, but you diminish yourself, BJ, and the progressive cause by posting stuff like that.

    ETA This also applies to Lindsay Graham. We need to stop smearing people just because they don’t meet our lofty standards of appropriate sexuality.

  54. 54
    SFAW says:

    @Mandalay:
    Far be it from me to suggest that you have no idea what you’re talking about, but …

  55. 55

    […] now you’ve all heard that Michele Bachmann will be out of the House next year. Feel free to pile on the […]

  56. 56
    jayjaybear says:

    @Mandalay: As a gay man myself, may I suggest that you need to adjust your “Humor Sensitivity” setting a bit. Fer gosh sakes! Marcus and Lindsay Dear both set off MY gaydar like they’re both on rainbow fire…

  57. 57
    NickT says:

    @jayjaybear:

    Driving Miss Lindsay, now starring John McCain.

  58. 58
    Mandalay says:

    @jayjaybear:

    Marcus and Lindsay Dear both set off MY gaydar like they’re both on rainbow fire…

    So? Does that mean that you automatically think they seek sex in restrooms as well?

    Were you here for the righteous indignation when the right smeared Nate Silver for his lack of manliness and masculinity? Yet it’s OK to smear Bachmann and Graham in exactly the same manner, just because they are not members of our tribe?

    you need to adjust your “Humor Sensitivity” setting a bit

    That’s exactly what the right says of their jokes about fried chicken and watermelons.

  59. 59
    SFAW says:

    @Mandalay:

    Yet it’s OK to smear Bachmann

    No, it’s OK to treat Bachmann that way because of his “pray away the gay” one-trick-pony-ness and the hypocrisy of his behavior (assuming, for the moment, that he really is closeted).

    You really need to spend less time watching Fox, their outrage-o-mania is apparently contagious.

  60. 60
    Mandalay says:

    @SFAW:

    No, it’s OK to treat Bachmann that way because of his “pray away the gay” one-trick-pony-ness and the hypocrisy of his behavior (assuming, for the moment, that he really is closeted).

    No, it’s not OK, because you are basing your charge of hypocrisy on something that you don’t know to be true. You even admit that you are making an assumption!

    Why not just directly focus on vilifying him for having “pray away the gay” views? You just overplay your hand by assuming that he is gay. What if he isn’t?

  61. 61
    patroclus says:

    To me, this smells like what happened to Jesse Jackson Jr. – I’m guessing that the investigations into her campaign finance shenanigans is getting close. Jackson ended up pleading guilty to converting roughly $75000 campaign funds into various things; Bachmann raised far more than that. I hope that the Dem who nearly won last time runs again (even in a heavily Republican district).

  62. 62
    gbear says:

    @Mandalay:

    For you, “pray away the gay” is clear evidence of suppressed sexuality.

    Hell, “Pray away the gay’ is completely out in the open about it’s efforts to suppress sexuality. It is by definition about fear and repression of gay ‘feelings’. The fact that Marcus has made de-gaying the focus of his professional practice brings his sexuality into the public realm. Suppressing sexuality is his job.

    My take on Marcus is that he is a flaming queen who’s found a relationship that allows him to function within his personal definition of what a family should be. Fine for him. He and his spouse don’t get to use medicine, the church, government and the law to force it on everyone else. Fucking hypocrites.

  63. 63
    jayjaybear says:

    @Mandalay: Oh, fuck off. I don’t need your approval to loathe and condemn a couple of closeted quisling hypocrites.

  64. 64
    gbear says:

    @Mandalay: How about if we take back the restroom stuff and just say that he cries when he m@sturb@tes alone with his fantasies.

    Edit: That’s not a link. Just trying to avoid a FYWP.

  65. 65
    p says:

    as refreshing as it will be not to have her ignorance in our faces
    she will be “gone” like the dick cheney…

  66. 66
    SFAW says:

    @Mandalay:
    Give it a rest, will you? You want a couple of hits of my blood-pressure meds?

    You threw a foaming-at-the-mouth accusation to mistermix. I responded re: why Marcus Bachmann might be the object of scorn of various persons.

    It it will make you feel any better, and get you off your high horse about this:

    fine, we’re all raging homophobes here, and it’s only the Moderators which keep everyone (except you, of course, because you wouldn’t use such vile terms) from using terms like “fag,” “fruit,” and so forth.

    Happy, now that we’ve confirmed your greatest suspicions? Good.

    FSM spare me from the clueless.

  67. 67
    SFAW says:

    @jayjaybear:

    Oh, fuck off. I don’t need your approval to loathe and condemn a couple of closeted quisling hypocrites

    “I’m SFAW, and I approve this comment.”
    .
    .
    just in case you wanted someone else’s approval. Or not.

  68. 68
    Mandalay says:

    @gbear:

    How about if we take back the restroom stuff

    How about we just avoid speculating on his manliness and sexuality altogether, and focus on his actions?

  69. 69
    shortstop says:

    Ah, I’m old enough to remember a couple of months ago when Mandalay lectured us that if Christians are “sincere in their beliefs” that homosexuality is wrong, it should be perfectly legal for them to discriminate against gay people in their businesses. (Lagniappe: in what she apparently believed was a relevant/supportive thought, she added that her mama had once been accused of being a racist, which makes Mandalay particularly sensitive to people leveling charges of homophobia at others and thus hurting their feelings.)

    This person is a reflexive contrarian, nothing more or less. Zero fixed principle, all outrage, all the time.

  70. 70
    Tumbrel For Hire says:

    Michele Bachmann, flamboyant professional lie machine, is married to a man who literally tries to cure people of gayness through prayer as his profession. Yet, the best the “liberal media” can do is call her “controversial” and pimp “top 10 moments” lists on the day she quits Congress at two in the morning under a cloud of suspicion. Why is that?

  71. 71
    Mandalay says:

    @SFAW:

    I responded re: why Marcus Bachmann might be the object of scorn of various persons.

    No. You explicitly admitted/conceded that your scorn was based on your unproven assumption that Bachmann was gay.

    Every week BJ has a gazillion FPs and posts ridiculing the right for its unproven assumptions (e.g. Benghazi, AP, IRS, etc…). Yet suddenly it’s OK for BJ to assume that Marcus Bachmann is gay and engages in restroom sex just because he is not in our tribe?

  72. 72
    SFAW says:

    @Mandalay:

    No. You explicitly admitted/conceded that your scorn was based on your unproven assumption that Bachmann was gay.

    You’re right, I didn’t do a connect-the-dots, leading up to the idea that I was opining re: mistermix’s reasons for posting as such. My apologies for not writing more clearly.

    That being said: you have been ascribing homophobia to mistermix since your first comment. It’s hard for me to see how doing so is any less problematic than the behavior of which you accuse him. You want rethink that idea, we’re all ears. I’m a-guessin’ you don’t – but be careful about stowing thrones.

  73. 73
    gbear says:

    @Mandalay: His actions – his work – are about controlling sexuality. His sexuality is open for discussion because of this actions. I’m gay and I associate with other known homosexuals and the consensus is that Marcus is flaming. We get to talk about it. Quit being a scold.

  74. 74
    Mandalay says:

    @gbear:

    I’m gay and I associate with other known homosexuals and the consensus is that Marcus is flaming.

    I suspect that he is as well, but I don’t know that. My concern is that mere suspicion is sufficient grounds to smear him with having restroom sex.

    Well if that flies then perhaps BJ needs to recalibrate its perpetual outrage about about unproven assumptions and smearing being made by the right, since their accusations just might also be true. But strangely enough, when smears come from the right folks here (rightly) want to see some evidence.

    It’s all tribal, but smearing is smearing whichever side of the fence you are on. Suppose your “consensus” is wrong?

  75. 75
    VividBlueDotty says:

    I was going to post “Oh ah, what when WRONG?!?!” because “She’s Gone” is an awesome song. But by the time I got around to it, something really has gone wrong.

    @shortstop

    You nailed it.

    all outrage, all the time

    Not to mention repeated and ineffective use of the word “tribe” for no apparent reason. I’d feel a little offended if I had time.

  76. 76
    jayjaybear says:

    Do I get “Special Interlocutor Points” by virtue of being an actual gay man who spent most of his teens and early twenties seeking said restroom sex? Remember Senator Craig? Men who are not capable or willing to engage in healthy socialization within their orientation tend to seek out available anonymous socialization, including cottaging. We may not have any proof that Marcus engages in such (and it’s possible he doesn’t…the internet has lifted anonymous hookups way beyond the crudities of stall-crawling), but it wouldn’t be an absurdity to consider it.

  77. 77
    VividBlueDotty says:

    @jayjaybear:

    it wouldn’t be an absurdity to consider it.

    Exactly. Especially as the punch line of a throwaway joke on a Balloon Juice thread.

    Which in Mandalay’s world, is EXACTLY equivalent to the right wing noise chamber (multiple news shows, blog news sites, etc) stating flat out that President Obama (among other things) watched LIVE as Marines were killed in Benghazi and personally REFUSED to get them help. Since they both “just might” (or might not) be true.

    @Mandalay: Even if TPTB at Balloon Juice were interested, there is no amount of recalibrating that will make this right for someone who considers these equivalent or even similar enough for comparison.

  78. 78
    evodevo says:

    Don’t feed the winger concern troll.

  79. 79
    andy says:

    @Shakezula: Like a sounder of pigs after the last acorn.

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