Open Thread: Coolest Vice-President Evaarrrr!

biden loves chocolate bullets AP Jenny Aicher 14 may 13
(AP photo/Jenny Aicher)

Thanks to commentor Trollhattan, for this article from the Green Bay Press Gazette:

MILWAUKEE — A Wisconsin boy wrote Vice President Joe Biden with an unusual suggestion for making the nation safer: Create guns that shoot chocolate bullets.

On Monday, he got an unusual response: A handwritten note from Biden on vice presidential stationery…

The student, Myles, wrote to Biden, President Barack Obama and U.S. Rep. Gwen Moore several months ago. It was after the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., and gun violence was in the news. Myles had been having lunch with the school’s reading specialist, Barbara Rankin, when he told her he had an idea.

“He said if we have chocolate bullets, nobody would get hurt and nobody would be sad,” Rankin said. “I’m going to start crying again because he was so insightful.”…

“Dear Myles,” the letter said. “I’m sorry it took me so very long to respond to your letter. I really like your idea. If we had guns that shot chocolate, not only would our country be safer, it would be happier. People love chocolate. You are a good boy, Joe Biden.”

Full details at the link.

This, my friends, is why we have a “Proud to Be A Democrat” tag.

92 replies
  1. 1
    Turgidson says:

    Cheney would have just told him to go fuck himself best case, and shot the kid in the face, worst case.

  2. 2
    Violet says:

    Awww…that’s adorable.

  3. 3
    Yatsuno says:

    That. Is. Awesome. Loves me some crazy Uncle Joe. Not gonna bother with the physics of the whole thing, but the kid rocks too.

  4. 4
    The Other Chuck says:

    What kind of countertops does this kid have?

  5. 5
    YellowJournalism says:

    So want to hug the VP right now.

  6. 6
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Didn’t someone already invent Death By Chocolate?

  7. 7
    aimai says:

    I was a little girl during the Vietnam war. I spent so many nights worrying about both sides of the war and dreaming up little child “solutions” like this. Reading the VP’s handwritten note makes me cry, too. Every generation has its horrors and its innocent little children to speak truth to power.

  8. 8
    NotMax says:

    Republican-backed group Dentists Against Biden organizing as we speak.

  9. 9
    matt says:

    Joe Biden, best VP of our generation, or best VP ever?

  10. 10
    Yatsuno says:

    @The Other Chuck: Chocolate of course.

    @Just Some Fuckhead: It’s a hella sweet way to die too.

    /chocoholic

  11. 11
    Lol says:

    Next Dem nominee needs to select Biden as VP. Why fix what’s not broke?

  12. 12
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    I don’t know if anyone has said this, but I’d just like to nominate Jonathan Karl “the Reinhart and Rogoff of the Libya “scandal” “.

  13. 13
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @Lol: Would Biden do perpetual VP.

  14. 14
    NotMax says:

    @matt

    Not quite up there with T.R.’s “Speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far.” when he was still Veep.

  15. 15
    Calming Influence says:

    Oh yeah, it sounds like just a wonderful idea, until someone gets a chocolate bullet in the EYE!

    Assholes.

  16. 16
    PsiFighter37 says:

    @matt: I don’t know if he’s better than Gore when evaluated as a standalone, but he certainly seems to be having more of an impact as VP than Gore did with Clinton.

    ETA: I’m only considering recent VPs, mainly because VPs back in the day was more of a ceremonial post…hence why LBJ hated it.

  17. 17
    Platypus says:

    Darn, @Turgidson already said what I was going to. Well played, sir.

  18. 18
    gelfling545 says:

    He reacts like a human being, not a stuffed shirt as so many in political life do.

  19. 19
    Calming Influence says:

    Here’s a 7 year old kid thinking up new types of ammunition, and Biden says he’s a GOOD BOY?!? What is wrong with you people?

  20. 20
    mtraven says:

    They’ll have to pry my chocolate gun out of my cold, dead, sticky hands.

  21. 21
    NotMax says:

    @Calming Influence

    Hardly an original product idea.

  22. 22
    MomSense says:

    If anyone else wrote “you are a good boy” it would come across so hokey but here is is so sweet and genuine.

    Damn but I love Joe Biden.

  23. 23
    YellowJournalism says:

    @Yatsuno: You would volunteer for target practice as the target.

  24. 24
    gogol's wife says:

    @MomSense:

    Yes, that is just the nicest touch.

  25. 25
    JWL says:

    Lest We Forget: Biden endorsed the Bush/Cheney big lie War in Iraq. He has never censured those who committed that treason. They remain an “honorable opposition” in his world view.

    Fuck him.

  26. 26
    lamh35 says:

    @gogol’s wife: @MomSense:

    My fav part too

  27. 27
    Soonergrunt says:

    @Calming Influence:
    @Calming Influence:
    You don’t seem very calm.

  28. 28
    NotMax says:

    So when’s the party/blowout financed with the remainder of the funds Mr. Cole raised to pay the site designer who pulled a Palin?

    /rhetorical question

  29. 29
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Lol:

    I agree. Kirsten Gillibrand/Joe Biden 2016. Deval Patrick/Joe Biden 2016. Michelle Obama/Joe Biden 2016. Hillary Clinton/Joe Biden 2016. Sherrod Brown/Joe Biden 2016. Brian Schweitzer/Joe Biden 2016. Julian Castro/Joe Biden 2016.

  30. 30
    Roger Moore says:

    @PsiFighter37:

    I’m only considering recent VPs, mainly because VPs back in the day was more of a ceremonial post…hence why LBJ hated it.

    The classic comment is from Jack Garner about the Vice Presidency not being worth a bucket of warm spit (or piss, depending on the source).

  31. 31
    Scotius says:

    Chocolate doesn’t kill people. People kill people.

  32. 32
    Jeremy says:

    @JWL: We get it. You hate Obama and Biden. Also, Biden apologized for that vote and said it was the worse decision in his career. He led the transition out of Iraq and the war is over.

  33. 33
    NotMax says:

    @SiubhanDuinne

    He’ll be 74 in 2016.

    Let him retire gracefully and play affable grandpa with his family.

  34. 34
    beltane says:

    Since we’ve been on the subject of the AP lately, I’d like to remind everyone that in 2006 they fired their long-time Vermont bureau chief, Chris Graff, because he had written something mildly critical of George W. Bush. I wouldn’t be surprised if this unofficial arm of the RNC wasn’t deliberately leaking information in the hopes it would lead to some kind of terrorist attack. To be a Republican is to put party before country at every opportunity.

  35. 35
    Soonergrunt says:

    @NotMax: I don’t think he wants to do that.

  36. 36
    Redshirt says:

    We’ll have to limit magazine size. As it is now, I’ve got Super Size boxes of Snowcaps ready for “target practice”.

  37. 37
    Redshirt says:

    I’d love to vote Biden in 2016 but yes, he is too old. Hillary is not, Diamond Joe Biden is.

  38. 38
    Cassandra says:

    I love Joe Biden.

  39. 39
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @NotMax: Far as I’m concerned, he can do anything he damn wants. If he wants to run for the D nom in 2016, i’ll consider him the way i’ll consider all the others. If it’s another nominee, who wants Joe as VP, and Joe is good to go with that, then so am I. If Joe decides to hang it up after the second Obama-Biden term, also cool. It’s not up to me to “let” him do anything; I was just pointing out that all those tickets sound good and would make nice bumper stickers.

  40. 40
    Calming Influence says:

    @Soonergrunt: Of course I’m not calm! The vice president is encouraging a 7 year old psychopath to shoot people so they’ll be happier! Chocolate bullets? Have you ever tried to bite into a hunk of unsweetened chocolate? Lead is way softer. I’d take an exploding round any day.

    This kid is one step away from a mass shooting with Atomic Fireballs from a musket.

  41. 41
    David Koch says:

    who ever is holding the postcard has nice nail polish.

  42. 42
    efgoldman says:

    @Scotius:

    Chocolate doesn’t kill people. People kill people.

    Next thing, they’ll be asking for mental health evaluations before you can buy chocolate. Hell, everyone knows chocolate promotes good mental health! Just ask mrs efgoldman or daughter efgoldman!

  43. 43
    Redshirt says:

    @David Koch: Is that a broken thumb nail or a trick of light? Either way, I’m calling “False-Flag”.

  44. 44
    GxB says:

    @Turgidson: Dick! would have his ghoul handlers track the little guy down so he could feed on his sweet, sweet, innocent, upbeat soul. Serving the dual purpose of crushing optimism and possibly creating a new hellspawn – thereby perpetuating the species of vampyric soul-sucking shitheels, of which he is an elder member. Cycle of life and all that.

  45. 45
    Calming Influence says:

    @GxB: Dick! probably could have stuffed three 7 year olds in his man-size office safe.

  46. 46
    JWL says:

    @Jeremy: So Biden “apologized for his vote”.

    Big Deal.

    Biden has never called it treason, has he? Which it was.

    He’s never publicly referred to Bush/Cheney in anything but respectful terms, has he?

    I consider those two to be war criminals. I have no trouble stating as much. They should be brought to trial.

    Biden obviously disagrees. I don’t respect that attitude, at all. I find it contemptible.

    But I get it. You love Biden, and are willing to overlook his “minor”, war vs. peace, political transgression.

    You’re the breed of cat that has laid waste to the democratic party.

    I bet you love Obama’s proposed “Grand Bargain”. Don’t you?

  47. 47
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Redshirt: I don’t think the nail is broken, but I think the polish might be chipped. How slovenly. Typical libtardbagger bidenbot.

  48. 48
    Soonergrunt says:

    @Calming Influence: Just so you know, the gummy bear shotgun would be far, far worse.

  49. 49
    Warren Terra says:

    Can we get some notice for the comedy stylings of the previous veep Dick Cheney, who just recently announced that 9/11 showed his administration was ready for anything and able to protect Americans?

  50. 50
    Amir Khalid says:

    Presented without comment.

  51. 51
    Roger Moore says:

    @Soonergrunt:
    And you don’t want to think about the marshmallow bazooka.

  52. 52
    Calming Influence says:

    @Soonergrunt: Oooooo! Or gummy snakes! It would be like chain shot.

  53. 53
    NotMax says:

    @SiubhanDuinne

    Diff’rent strokes and all like that.

    As for ‘let’ – that was used in the imperative sense of seizing an opportunity, as in “Let’s eat” not as any sort of instruction to any specific individual.

  54. 54
    Cassidy says:

    Does ad money happen just from popping up or do I have to click through?

  55. 55
    piratedan says:

    @NotMax: well if the R’s get control, expect him to be arrested for aiding and abetting a black man while in office, treason, and being a dirty Democrat

  56. 56
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @NotMax: Gotcha and no problems. Cheers.

  57. 57
    efgoldman says:

    @Roger Moore:

    And you don’t want to think about the marshmallow bazooka

    Or the Whoopie Pie howitzer, or the Twinkie scatter gun.

  58. 58
  59. 59
    piratedan says:

    @JWL: good to know that you’ve never made a mistake ever or had to apologize for some action that you would have remorse over.

  60. 60
    Yatsuno says:

    @YellowJournalism: Just tell me where to sign up for that sweet gig. Hell I won’t even need paid time off. :)

  61. 61
    Calming Influence says:

    @JWL: The perfect is the enemy of the good, and the perfect concern troll is the enemy of the good Juice of Balloons comment section.

  62. 62
    Roger Moore says:

    @efgoldman:
    The peanut brittle claymore mine is the absolute worst, though.

  63. 63
    Highway Rob says:

    The Onion’s Diamond Joe could give a damn about chocolate bullets, he’s rollin’ with a case of Coors Light Silver Bullets.

  64. 64
    David Koch says:

    chocolate bullets are okay, but they need to make the hollow point one illegal. nothing more destructive than hollow point chocolate.

  65. 65
    efgoldman says:

    @David Koch:

    … nothing more destructive than hollow point chocolate.

    Especially when they fill it with liqueur!

  66. 66
    chopper says:

    @JWL:

    You’re the breed of cat that has laid waste to the democratic party.

    biden’s vote for the war in iraq has helped ruin the peace-loving party of FDR and LBJ!

  67. 67
    Jeremy says:

    @JWL: See this is the problem with wingnuts on the left and right. Nothing is ever good enough and no one is ever pure enough. The Iraq war was horrible but the man is human and admitted he made a mistake. He talked about the Iraq war extensively and you are mad because he did not say the words “treason”. You realize that sounds as ridiculous as the right complaining about “act of terror” vs. “terrorism”.

    Many great progressive democrats that I admired like Hubert Humphrey were tied to Vietnam and I didn’t hate him because of that mistake. If someone owns up, and apologizes then I can’t hate them.

  68. 68
    Mr Stagger Lee says:

    @Calming Influence: Committing Random acts of kindness, while doing senseless acts of beauty.
    Speaking of senseless acts, can somebody explain this act of Democratic Senators?

  69. 69
    RobertDSC-iMac G5 says:

    Very neat. Thanks.

  70. 70
    BD of MN says:

    Hate to derail an open thread, but what’s the commentariat’s experience with cell phone tracking apps for your kids? Here’s why I ask, a friend just lost her daughter and their cell provider was unwilling to help them out and try to track their daughter’s cell phone. It’s been a tough weekend and a very tough day up here in BD land…

  71. 71
    Redshirt says:

    @BD of MN: The Police surely can get that information, I hope.

  72. 72
    Mike in NC says:

    Speak softly and carry a big Twix.

  73. 73
    Comrade Mary says:

    Mistermix says that he’s migrating to the new theme, but isn’t THIS the new theme?

  74. 74
    NotMax says:

    @Comrade Mary

    Nope. Just an amuse-bouche. The entree is arriving shortly.

  75. 75
    Fort Geek says:

    @GxB: That and he’d tag the kid for “Spare Parts.”

  76. 76
    LeftCoastTom says:

    @Jeremy:

    If someone owns up, and apologizes then I can’t hate them.

    That just proves you aren’t trying hard enough, I’m sure the Emperor Palpatine can help you with your problem.

    (More seriously…yes, Hillary Clinton’s absurd explanations for her own vote for the Iraq war were part of my decision in the 2008 Democratic Primary, not the mere fact of her vote)

  77. 77
    David Koch says:

    Reeses-Pieces cluster bombs

  78. 78
    JWL says:

    @Jeremy: Biden has never attacked Bush/Cheney for the treason they committed.

    They are war crimimals, and should be prosecuted as such. You must be a “look forward, not backward” adherent. I’m not.

    Or do you believe that Bush/Cheney were honest men, honestly misled?

    Biden does.

    You call my expectation that the rude truth be spoken aloud by elected democrats a matter of “purity”.

    I call it vital to the maintenance of our Republic. I call it a matter of simple decency (as in a decent respect for ourselves as a nation, and a decent respect for the opinion of mankind).

    Your breed of cat is in the saddle, of course. And goddamn you for it.

  79. 79
    JWL says:

    @chopper: FDR never committed treason. FDR did not invade Manchuria, or Poland. And you’re an ass for implying as much.

  80. 80
    Yatsuno says:

    @JWL: Historians believe FDR allowed the attack on Pearl Harbour to happen so the US would have an incentive to enter into WWII. Before that, the country was very isolationist over the war that was “over there”. And do we even need to mention the Japanese internment camps, which were in the works before Pearl Harbour?

  81. 81
    NotMax says:

    JWL, your definition of treason seems strictly your own.

    It has a very specific definition in both the Constitution

    Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

    The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.

    and in U.S. law.

    The United States Code at 18 U.S.C. § 2381 states “whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.”

  82. 82
    lojasmo says:

    @JWL:

    Treason? You should try to stick to words which you know the meaning of.

  83. 83
    BD of MN says:

    @Redshirt: One would hope so, but a 16 year old with a license and mom’s permission to take the car is not considered a police problem until several days after she disappears. I just wonder if her parents been able to locate her before she and her boyfriend made their horrible decision that this possibly could have had a better outcome…

  84. 84
    lojasmo says:

    @BD of MN:

    That’s rotten. Good luck. I agree the police should be able to help.

    I can track all our phones, ipads, and computers on “find my iphone” app.

    ETA: Fuck, they died. Very sad.

  85. 85
    drkrick says:

    FDR ordered the internment of Americans of Japanes descent, did far less than he could have about extermination of Europen Jews both before and during the war and compromised shamefully with the supporters. If you think all of that is more forgiveable than what Biden has done, bless your heart.

  86. 86
    Suffern ACE is a Basset Hound says:

    @Yatsuno: are people who believe that historians? The types of people who explain events using documents and stuff like that?

  87. 87
    drkrick says:

    The supporters of Jim Crow. It seems the edit function doesn’t work with me phone.

  88. 88
    BD of MN says:

    @lojasmo: Thanks, I’m hoping this can be a teachable moment. The reason I ask is that their cell phone provider actually said that they weren’t going to help because there wasn’t an “imminent danger”… Fuck them…

  89. 89
    GxB says:

    @Calming Influence: Since the Germans seem to have a term for everything, there must be one for “Someone so far to the left they wrap around to the right.” Though I agree with your assessment that this particular troll is probably just a pretty skilled rightie all along. If not, what difference does it make?

  90. 90
    poptartacus says:

    Sorry to break it to you, the woman on veep is the coolest vp ever. unless the guy who said the job wasn’t worth a warm bucket of piss was vp when he said that. then he is the coolest.

  91. 91
    It's Not The Fall, It's The Landing says:

    +1 for Crazy Uncle Joe. Whatever regrettable things he may have said or done at various stages of his career as an elected official, that’s some quality Vice-Presidentin’ right there.

  92. 92
    Rex Everything says:

    This, my friends, is why we have a “Proud to Be A Democrat” tag.

    No, it’s why you should have an “I’m Throwing Up” tag.

    I mean I understand that they have to kiss babies and tell Virginia there really is a Santa Claus, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, much less go weak in the knees over it.

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