Every now and then something happens that serves to remind me that deep down, I am really just another self-centered entitled prick. I was at the grocery store, and it was one of those trips where everything seemed to take forever, so by the time I got to the checkout lane, I was already in what could be described, were I an infant, as a simmering fuss. All the lines were full, so I picked one, put my groceries on the belt, and proceeded to stand there for fifteen minutes while this woman and her two children checked out. First she paid for part of the groceries with WIC. Then came the coupons. Then a gift card. Then a bank card which was declined, followed by another bank card that was not.
On the inside I was sighing and going insane and just totally hating on this woman and doing the whole “WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE SLOWEST FUCKING LANE GRUMBLE PISS MOAN.”
And the it hit me- I am such a fucking asshole. This woman is going through the humiliating process of doing whatever she can to pay for her groceries for her kids, being judged by everyone because she is on assistance and using food stamps and what not, trying to melt into the counter because she knows it is taking forever and she is embarrassed, and I’m all hot and bothered because it’s going to be a few more minutes before I can get in my car, drive home, and begin my hectic schedule of plopping my fat ass down on the couch for the afternoon.
What an asshole.
c u n d gulag
No, John, you’re not an asshole.
Clearly not.
Assholes never realize that they’re assholes.
Mandalay
You have posted a very similar tale before, about the guilt trip that engulfed you at the checkout. Do you really not remember that?
Edmund dantes
At least you are self aware to have stopped yourself from being a jackass to her.
Most people don’t even realize what it must be like to be her. I had to live like that ever briefly, and it was the worst feeling in the world. I didn’t even have to deal with it for that long. I can’t even begin to fathom what it must be like to have to live that way day in and day out. It’s soul crushing.
lojasmo
I am also an intolerant jackass.
psycholinguist
I chased after my now wife, and convinced her to marry me back in college, because I was like you, and she was not.
She was the one who, while sitting in the Crystal hamburgers at 1:00 AM, told a couple of frat pricks to quit picking on the skinny little guy with the funny hair and the grateful dead t-shirt (while the rest of us assholes sat around and just let it happen). Empathy is hard. More of it is a good thing.
El Tiburon
@Mandalay:
Hey Mandalay my senile old grandfather would repeat his old, sad war stories before he passed. What I would give to hear those stories again.
But if he were your grandad I assume you would have told him to STFU.
Rob_in_Hawaii
The same sentiment from DFW: href=”http://videos.digg.com/post/50011157320/the-one-simple-trick-to-being-a-good-human-being”>
NCgumbo
Just remember . . . This is Water.
Really, check it out, it is you. It is all of us, John.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmpYnxlEh0c&feature=player_embedded
UPDATED TO ADD: I see Rob beat me to it.
low-tech cyclist
What c u n d gulag said.
In the musical words of Kim Stockwood, “How come jerks don’t know they’re jerks?“
John Cole
@Mandalay: Of course I remember. Which is why I said “every now and then…”
Meridian
The only way, in this scenario, that you would be an asshole is if you’d been rude to this woman or taken out your frustration on her or the cashier.
Is it great to be tolerant and understanding in your head? Yes. But really all it takes not to be an asshole is to keep whatever uncharitable thoughts you might have to yourself. Empathy starts there, and maybe your head can catch up later.
cyntax
See and I would have said whoever thought of this was an asshole:
Or simply immune to irony and or reading comprehension.
Just Some Fuckhead
Was she white, John? Same thing happened to me yesterday at the Dollar Store when I was picking up a pair of reading glasses. A white lady had purchased some food items that weren’t covered under WIC so they spent 15 minutes trying to figure out what the items were so they could remove them.
Finally, the Asian-American manager paid the difference out of his wallet.
Fucking white people.
Haydnseek
Hi John! Can’t post a link, but google the short film “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace on Vimeo. Seriously. It’s brilliant and true and funny, as was the author himself. It’s an excerpt from the commencement address he have at Kenyon College. The entire talk is available on the same site.
Davis X. Machina
Getting together once a year to hear the same old stories, again, is pretty damn important, when the stories are pretty damn important.
It is each person’s duty to regard himself as though he personally were the one struggling to buy those groceries.
And then eat gefilte fish.
Sasha
Something about choosing the wrong lane brings out the evil in me, so I am completely sympathetic. I think driving also has that effect. I remember passing an accident after an hour or so of stop and go traffic and thinking “finally!” It was only later that I realized that I had no concern for the people who had obviously had a really bad day and I was ashamed. On the bright side, these are feelings, not actions and probably have no affect on anything.
Mandalay
@El Tiburon:
I didn’t tell anyone to STFU. I just find it surprising that if I remember Cole making a very similar FP in the past few months he doesn’t remember himself.
Go pick a fight somewhere else asshole.
El Cid
Maybe you’re not really an American, because I don’t think we’re supposed to think this way.
Mandalay
@John Cole: Gotcha.
BillinGlendaleCA
The really important question is: Can you find the mustard that you purchased?
Baud
Your title you’re a jackass, but the conclusion says you’re an asshole. Why did you change your talking points, Cole? What are you covering up? #scandal
Just Some Fuckhead
In addition to all the snack food, the white lady was buying three giant monster energy drinks. I don’t know why I’m paying for her to have the energy not to get a fucking job.
dexwood.
I used to be impatient in checkout lines until one day it occurred to me, no matter what line I choose, it’s always the wrong line.
JoyceH
Me in the car, thinking to pedestrian – “How dare you walk where I want to drive?”
Me on foot, thinking to driver – “How dare you drive where I want to walk?”
Just Some Fuckhead
I actually don’t have any problems with white people. I have a couple of really good white friends. It’s just the lazy ones that drive me crazy.
different-church-lady
You’re not an asshole. You’re human. Humans get internally frustrated. Assholes, on the other hand, externalize their frustrations. An asshole would have started laying into her or groaning and muttering pointedly or bitching to the other people in line.
RSA
I’ve done that. And you know what else I feel bad about? Missed opportunities. Once there was a guy in front of me who’d bought some stuff and then found out that he couldn’t pay for it with whatever he had. He said, “I’ll be right back–I have to go to my car.” So the cashier and I waited for a while, but he never came back. I guessed later that it might have been embarrassment. So now I sort of pay attention. Once I offered a few bucks to someone who couldn’t afford everything she’d put in her basket, but she turned me down.
Aaron
I resemble your remarks.
Linda Featheringill
@Just Some Fuckhead: #21
Fuck you.
Amir Khalid
@Mandalay:
There’s a reason this story is worth telling more than once, and it’s right there in the intro. We could all do with an occasional reminder that others face difficulties, and petty humiliations arising from those difficulties; that there, but for the grace of God, go we. You know, that empathy thing?
Suzanne
@Just Some Fuckhead:
It takes energy to put up with you.
Libby
I have the worst luck in checkout lines. I could be the only one in it and the register will crash or something. I don’t get cranky about people paying with food stamps. Sometimes if they’re short just a couple of bucks and thinking about what to put back, I’ll pay for it. Especially for old people. What does piss me off though is people who go through the speed check with triple the amount of items and then pay for them a few items at a time while there’s ten people behind them with two items each, trying to get out.
Sgaile-beairt
but you noticed….and then, you FELT BAD….and THEN!! you used it as an occasion, to teach others, about class privilige….
….the differnce btwn JC & the avg national review poster, is left for a n exercise, for the reader….
Mandalay
@Amir Khalid:
You are right. We can all learn from Cole’s genuine humility, and self-examination, and by “we” I mean almost everyone on earth.
I think it is a very healthy thing to do, especially in a culture where admitting that you were wrong, or that you failed, automatically brands you as being weak, and being a failure.
El Tiburon
@Amir Khalid:
No Amir, Cole should remember ALL of the stories he tells and never repeat them even if it is for a noble cause. And If he does repeat them, then he should be called out on it by the second comment.
Signed Asshole.
tt crews
“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” Nick Carraway, The Great Gatsby.
I’ve been the jerk standing there huffing and puffing and been the lady with the food stamps (before it was TANF). Sucks to be either one–(athough it sucked more to be food stamp lady.)
Betsy
John, as your affianced, I would like to console you with the observation that being irritated is not what makes a person an asshole; it’s being irritated and then acting irrationally or meanly based on that irritation. (Which even then, everyone does sometimes)
What you did was to acknowledge your irritation to yourself, and then choose your reaction to it. Sounds very healthy to me.
Everyone gets irritated, even the saints.
And also too, you don’t have to be a saint before you can feel OK about yourself.
jay Noble
Maybe because my family had occasion to use food stamps and charity when I was young, I’ve never been bothered by being behind someone using them. What has bothered me is how complicated some of it is with things for WIC. Eeek.
Speaking of lines – I also don’t get perturbed with young cashiers at fast food places ( I always seem to get the trainees). Been on that side of the counter too, but more importantly, everyone has to start somewhere, has to do things for the first time. Why make it hard on them? I do get a little perturbed at Seniors who can’t decide what to order when they get the same thing every single time.
Sgaile-beairt
((also, this wasn t someone just dithering, over which scratch ticket to get, bc it TOTALLY makes a difference, worth spending 10 mins in line, to get ‘double diamonds” or
‘home run’ when it comes to yr luck….)
Amir Khalid
@Libby:
I’ve always felt that at the five-items-or-less line, the clerk should stop after the fifth item. Shoppers should be made to take their sixth and subsequent items to the back of the line.
MattF
I had a positive checkout-line experience the other day. My shoe laces had come untied so I performed some contortions that a fat old guy like myself shouldn’t do in public and retied them. Then, a friendly little old lady behind me said “You know, if you wrap the lace around the bunny ears twice instead of once, they won’t become untied.” And you know what? She was right. I’ve followed her advice, and my shoelaces have stayed tied.
Sgaile-beairt
@jay Noble: no but i do gett annoyed at tellers who just want to make flirty w their boy or girl friend while the line is stacking up….they alwys seem to be v v young uns….
Baud
@Amir Khalid:
You’re quite the authoritarian.
moderateindy
Being pissed off because you have to wait in line……one of those things Louis CK would call “white people problems”. Like getting upset because you have to take a half a second extra to choose between English or Spanish on the ATM before you can get your money.
I try to keep my anger/disdain for those that are inconsiderate. Don’t get in the express line near me if you have more than the allowed item. If you don’t leave the line after I confront you the entire area will know what a self-absorbed entitled asshole you are, as I berate you. There’s just no excuse for ignoring simple rules. It is that kind of “The rules or for thee and not for me” outlook that has this country so screwed up.
Haydnseek
Hey, didn’t anybody see Betsy use the word “affianced?” This thread will be running for days…………..
Just Some Fuckhead
@MattF:
Yep, I know her. I had her in second grade.
Amir Khalid
@Baud:
… or be taken out and shot by the security guard.
Dead Ernest
@dexwood.: So, it is You!
Dex would you please stop getting in front of me every time I get in a line?
Hawes
You have to watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmpYnxlEh0c
It’s David Foster Wallace talking about pretty much what you went through.
Bruce S
I’m just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on because my comments – which are an attempt to actually put the “evidence” on the table related to a charge that’s being flung with zero evidence (Glenn Greenwald hysteria, as one might guess) are being rejected as “spam.” Sorry to intrude – want to know whether this is a thread issue or a site issue.
Bruce S
@Bruce S:
Thank you – resume regular programming.
Betsy
PS. What an asshole is, is me, because I hate that fucking short film based on the DFW speech. It’s a piece of spoon-fed sophomorism and brings nothing unpredictable or fresh to his (admirable) words. And the people in it don’t even look real, but straight out of central casting. It exactly what one would expect from a society where hardly anyone even has an original experience any more and relies on media and advertising to tell them what they are feeling.
And everyone loves it but me. So I’m the asshole.
taylormattd
At least she didn’t get out a checkbook.
For some reason, use of checkbooks at the grocery now make me seethe with rage.
JWL
I was about your age, Cole, and was feeling put upon too, God knows why. Then I came across a little boy who was wheelchair bound, happy as a lark as he spun donuts. I felt small, too.
I’m glad you told your story, if only because it had been a long time since I gave mine a thought. And I’m always better off thinking on it when my black dog starts barking.
Redshift
@jay Noble:
The ones that get me are the people (rarely seniors) who wait through a long line in front of me at a fast food place and never think to look at the menu, so they get to the front of the line and have to stand there thinking about what they want. And it’s fast food, so it’s not like there are that many choices.
Todd
We’re it me, I wouldn’t have been irritated with her. It’s latter middle aged women and olds that piss me off.
You who who she is – she is the woman that waits until her groceries are rung up before sorting her coupons, then she argues about the usefulness of her expired coupons, then she sighs and pulls out her checkbook before rooting through her bag for a pen. Then she finds another expired coupon in the bottom of her purse.
She’s the woman that decides to take a break from her TV at noon to go and clog up a bank counter during working people’s lunchtime so she can argue about a $3.37 discrepancy in her checking statement. After 20 minutes of whining, it turns out to be her computational error.
She’s the one in front of you in the Chinese buffet line, slowly deciding what she might want among three different items, which she spoons up haltingly as she still can’t fucking make up her mind.
She’s the one ahead of you at the cruise midnight buffet, holding up a very busy line as she ganks up at least a dozen different desserts to take back to her cabin, all while passengers and crew look on in amazement, as there won’t be enough left to cover everyone remaining in line.
Baud
@Amir Khalid:
It’s the only way to ensure order in the aisles.
Haydnseek
@Betsy: I’ve seen every comment on this thread. Please show me the comment where someone called you an asshole. I’ll wait.
Redshift
Apropos of nothing, a few minutes ago, a ten-year-old rode his bike down my street singing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” I felt like I was in a movie or something.
Betsy
@tt crews: Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, you should walk a mile in his shoes.
Because then you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have his shoes.
Steeplejack
@Bruce S:
I have found occasionally that the actual hyperlink I am trying to post includes something the FYWP filter doesn’t like.
Hannah
There’s a similar scene in Terms of Endearment with Debra Winger and John Lithgow.
Betsy
@Haydnseek: Uuhhh ….. #51?
dexwood.
@Dead Ernest: Nope not me. I always end up behind the person who waits until everything is totaled up before they pull out their checkbook or bank card. I always end up waiting for the price check for the customer ahead of me or the manager to show up and OK something.
Ultraviolet Thunder
Everyone gets peevish when they’re unexpectedly inconvenienced. Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Lincoln, etc.
The jackasses are the ones who share their irritation instead of just taking a deep breath and waiting it out.
Betsy
@Todd: Wow, you hate a lot of women.
Ultraviolet Thunder
My dear aunt is the bane of anyone in line behind her. She checks the receipt, finds errors, and makes them fix it on the spot no matter how long it takes. Yeah, it’s really that bad.
Sgaile-beairt
@Amir Khalid: that is a v good idea & wld serve par encourager les autres….
,…wait, dont we want to DIScourage the others??
Steeplejack
@MattF:
I had an epiphanal experience a year or two ago at Ian’s Shoelace Site. All my life I had problems with loose shoelaces, mostly on dress shoes, with their infernally thin, waxy laces. I discovered that (probably because I am [mostly] left-handed) I was making one small but critical error in my tying technique. I refer you to “Slipping Shoelaces? Crooked Bows?” Changed my life.
Haydnseek
@Betsy: So you’re calling yourself an asshole. Why? Because you don’t like a short film? That doesn’t make much sense. You might be trying to be sarcastic, or just indulging in a bit of small scale martyrdom, or just trolling. Whatever it is, enjoy yourself, and have a wonderful Saturday. Now I’m off to enjoy the rest of mine……..
MattR
I don’t mind waiting in line if I go to a busy place and there is just no room to accommodate more people faster. I don’t mind waiting in line when thre are not enough registers open if it happens occassioally when there is an unexpected rush. But the CVS I use drives me crazy because there is always a 15 minute line to pick up prescriptions no matter what time of day and there are always 1 or 2 more registers open that could by used if they would hire/schedule more workers. I may start using a different place even though it is an additional 10 minutes each way as a matter of principle.
Sgaile-beairt
@Redshift: awesome!! i had some neighborkids singing the ghost dream song from fiddler on the roof once outside….baritones & all, was hilarious!!
Antonius
Been through this experience, and it was such an excruciating wait that it punched through annoyance into curiosity. When the transaction was complete, I asked the cashier why it had taken so long, and she explained the intricate regulations governing how food assistance could be applied, involving certain dates, certain foods, and certain types of assistance, all designed to make sure the Poors(TM) don’t spend their pittance on T-Bone steaks and Cadillacs. Then I understood with whom I was actually infuriated.
Todd
@Betsy:
Just the older ones that are imbued with the spirit of unearned entitlement. I find that the generation of women who collected beanie babies, souvenir spoons, precious moments figures, ugly Christmas sweaters, quilts made by other people and commemorative glassware tends to be overly abundant with folks who maintain that spirit of entitlement. They spent the family funds on stupid shit (Longaberger baskets, cough), and are longing to blow more while bitching about young bucks and T-bone steaks.
greennotGreen
I also have a problem with long lines – I cause them. Not because I’m slow but because I carry a special karma that condemns any line I’m in to be slow. I once was in a long line at the bank on Friday; finally got up to where there was only one woman ahead of me, and she asked for $1000 in one dollar bills.
So, I try to be patient because I know I cause it, but I can’t do anything about it. Cashiers, if you see me in line, I’m sorry I caused your register to run out of tape or quit working entirely, and other shoppers, if you see me in line, you’d be well-advised to choose another queue.
aimai
@dexwood.: I prefer to think that the line I’m in–that’s the right line. This helps me a lot.
Tod Kelly
FTR, this does not make you an asshole John, it just makes you human. You’d have been an asshole if it had never occurred to you that the woman was anything other than an loathsome obstacle to you getting your fat ass on the couch.
Or if you’d dome some variation of, “AND SHE WAS BUYING MEAT! SHE WAS SURELY A WELFARE QUEEN – HOW DARE SHE BUY MEAT!”
Amir Khalid
@Ultraviolet Thunder:
Technically, that’s what the receipt is for, aside from serving as proof of purchase.
Redshift
@Sgaile-beairt: It got even better. He turned the corner and started making siren noises.
TaMara (BHF)
I want to preface this by saying I’m a genuinely nice person. It’s kinda my default setting. But I am terrified of homeless people. I was nice to them but I had a distinct, keep your distance energy about me.
I have a friend who goes out of her way to help homeless people. And one day, in very unlikely place there was a very dirty, very worn homeless man being harassed by McDonald’s employees, trying to get him to leave. My friend goes up to him and asks him if he would like breakfast. He looks surprised and frightened by the kindness. She orders his breakfast, actually she orders double, then she sits him down at a table and sets his food in front of him and gives the McDonald’s employees a long, withering look.
The change in this man was earth shattering for me.
Cut to a few years later. Same friend and I are in San Diego at an In and Out, and there’s a homeless man standing near the door and the same fears flood me. I kind of look at my friend and shake my head. I’m tired and I wasn’t sure I could deal with her befriending a homeless man right now. We get to the door and man says in a quiet voice, ‘could you buy me a coke?’ This was a truly homeless man, not a panhandler.
To the surprise of my friend and myself, I look at him and say, “could I buy you dinner instead?” Which I did. And after he sat down, I pulled out the cash in my wallet and tucked it into his hand.
Kinda changed me. Because what was clear, whatever I did for him was nothing compared to what it did for me.
And I felt completely selfish.
scott
Everybody does it, but it is easy to fall into the trap of seeing the people in the line not as human beings but as obstacles, like roaming trolls on a mini golf course. When you realize you’re doing it, yeah, that cuts you down to size.
aimai
@Todd: Thats a shitload of stuff to load onto the back of elderly women who probably worked most of their lives or are now caretaking their drug addicted children’s grandchildren or their own disabled spouses. Try going door to door for a political campaign and actually sitting with people and talking politics–you’ll find a lot of people living lives of quiet desperation even amidst tacky collectibles.
Libby
@Amir Khalid: I don’t mind a little fudging on the number if the store is really busy and all the other lines have people with giant filled carts, but the splitting the 30 item order into five separate transactions, especially when the store is not crowded, is just rude.
Redshift
@MattR: They put in automated checkout machines at our local CVS and cut the number of workers. Now instead of checking people out, one or two of them hang around the three automated checkout lines to help people because their system sucks so much that almost no one gets through it without requiring a clerk to override something. And if anyone comes to the one remaining live checkout person, I presume they instructed them to ask “do you know you can use the automated checkout,” so I try not to get mad at them or be snarky when I tell them “yes, I’m here because your checkout machines can’t read the coupons your receipt printers print.”
I’m not anti-technology, I’m anti-sucky-technology. My grocery store has automated checkout lines that work fine, coupons and all. (Though I’m often there late at night when it’s not crowded, in which case I prefer to interact with the clerks who know me.)
eastriver
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Yes. And more.
Amir Khalid
@Libby:
If, after you’ve paid for your fifth item in the express line, you still have 25 more, then you should be in a regular checkout line.
maya
Dog, you people are dense. If you went to the store with your Bushmaster slung over your shoulder wearing your confederate flag Tee checkout lines would be much more civil and faster.
Thlayli
There was a store (long since closed) that I stopped going into, because every single time I got in a checkout line, somebody in front of me would claim the register got a price wrong. “THAT’S NOT THE PRICE, IT’S ON SALE, IT’S IN THE CIRCULAR, I WANT TO SEE A MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”
Every time.
debit
@Todd: I find the people that argue about whether or not that coupon for a few pennies is valid actually need to save those pennies. You don’t know these people, you don’t know how they live, despite your contemptuous imagining of a trailer home filled with beanie babies and commemorative spoons. And, granted, I don’t know you either, but in this particular instance you sound utterly hateful.
and @TaMara (BHF): made me cry.
MomSense
@Redshift:
Ok that could very well have been my youngest son–and he is 9 but could pass for 10. He loves that song–and his bike.
MomSense
@Redshift:
Ok that could very well have been my youngest son–and he is 9 but could pass for 10. He loves that song–and his bike.
MattR
@Redshift: We don’t have those automated machines at this CVS (I do love them at the supermarket) and the front of store register lines are usually pretty good but the pharmacy is just understaffed for the volume they do.
Just Some Fuckhead
@MomSense:
Wow, he sounds very mature for his age.
MattR
@MattR: Goddman moderation. Forgot I can talk about prescriptions, but not the place that sells them to you.
PS. The automated machines in grocery stores have got to be a godsend for teenage buys who need to buy c0ndoms (not sure if that word trips the filter as well)
cathyx
If you want to avoid the slow line, don’t get in a line with any woman over 60 in front of you. She always writes a check.
Tehanu
@TaMara (BHF):
You brought tears to my eyes. Lately I’ve been really broke – like using my last 3 quarters at the gas station because I don’t have more in the wallet — and I hate having to say no when the homeless guy wants to wash my windshield. Maybe I’ll start using the last 2 quarters instead. A little kindness goes a long way.
Cassidy
I carry my food stamp debit card in my wallet even though we don’t need it or use it anymore. Everytime I open my wallet, it’s right there to remind me how bad it was and how good it has gotten and to never forget where I came from.
MomSense
@Baud:
So funny!! Thanks for the laugh.
imonlylurking
@Just Some Fuckhead: Because when you can’t afford food, buying energy drinks is a way to persuade your body that it is getting nutrition: ‘You have energy, right? Where else would that come from?’
You clearly haven’t spent enough time hungry, either as a child or as an adult. You very quickly catch on to these little tricks. (For me, it was tea-that cheap Lipton’s crap-with lots of sugar stolen from the break room at work. My teeth are still recovering.)
MomSense
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Much older brothers who are musicians.
joe gamba
@Davis X. Machina: I like this thought, although as I page-up to find it, I can’t. Something about what helps is when I do become conscious of thinking, “how would I feel were I in that woman’s shoes,” feeling the embarrassment and humiliation.
Thanks for the good reminder…although it would potato chips, not gefilte fish!
Gindy51
@RSA: I do that every time. Back before I married BIG MONEY, I had nothing but a pot to piss in. I remember taking my cheapo calculator into the store to figure out what was cheaper on every item. Rode my bike in downtown Houston as I had no car, worked a minimum wage job ($3.15 per hour) and managed to save enough for a gym membership to keep my sanity.
Now, as a BIG MONEY chick, I pay people’s grocery bills if they are short no matter who they are. I love it and it makes me feel like I am giving back something as many folks helped me when I needed it.
Betsy
@Haydnseek: @Haydnseek: maybe you did not get my humor, or perhaps I was not funny. In any case you needn’t be concerned for my state of mind.
phoebes-in-santa fe
@cathyx: Hey, I’m 62 and I always pay by credit card!!!
ranchandsyrup
I don’t think that humanity is qualified to operate the self checkout lanes. I watched a guy run a bunch of bananas over the scanner 40 times before the store employee took the bananas away from him and entered the code for him. A few people gently tried to help him before that but he brutally rebuffed their attempts.
Antonius
@Redshift: I usually say, “Thanks, but I’d rather that the store employee people.”
normal liberal
@cyntax:
What I loved about the Tiffany web page was the description of the $200K jewelry, with the adjacent Tiffany blue “Add to shipping bag” button. Do actual human beings buy such things on the web?
For casual mornings at home there’s the $36,000 sterling tea set (slightly less if you already have a suitable silver tray) with rosewood handles and jade cabochon knobs on the lids.
Sweet suffering Jesus.
Dead Ernest
@dexwood.: I did get your point Dex, I was just trying to be a little playful; ‘you’ pick the wrong line due to what is destined to happen in front of you, ‘I’ however, am not so Karmickly Kursed, it is just that I always get in line behind you.
Sorry for the confusion. The fact that I am somehow compelled towards both the ‘meta’ and the ‘whimsy’ usually causes me to reign in commenting because of the confusion I seem to create.
I’m also powerfully pulled to Irony. In this case, with the earlier comment, it turns out I am the person in line – ahead of you – holding everyone up as I pull out my coupon and asking the cashier “Can I use this Meta-whimsy credit here?”
frolickinggadfly
This post is why your blog shares valuable real estate on my bookmarks toolbar Mr. Cole.
windpond
I was in line with my very new husband in a Fairbanks, AK Safeway, when all of a sudden he started in on this young guy in front of us who was paying with food stamps. My husband went OFF, telling the guy he should get a f*(king job and WTF was he doing paying like that. I got this creepy feeling that I had made a huge mistake. Sure enough, a bit later, I was right.
Redshift
@TaMara (BHF): Awww!
JPL
@JoyceH: So true!
Nutella
@Todd:
Gosh, it sure is a good thing that there aren’t any men who are imbued with a spirit of unearned entitlement.
You tell ’em, Todd!
Betsy
@Todd: OK, so you are filled with resentment of them on the basis of their age, sex, and bad taste, (i.e., that they are unlike you) and the way they spend their money, but what REALLY justifies your hatred of them is THEIR resentment of how other people, who are unlike unlike them, spend their money.
Projection much?
(Also, I bet every one of these ladies has cooked thousands of meals over dozens of years for someone like you, most of the time without thanks or remuneration.)
Foregone Conclusion
If you were truly a jackass, you would have internalised your rage and weaved a story about filthy welfare queens around a couple of minutes of personal inconvenience. Most, not-particularly-jackassy, people would simply get more annoyed and not feel much remorse or empathy. You are obviously an introspective guy who stepped into someone else’s shoes and felt bad. OK, you’re not Francis of Assisi, but you’re not a jackass.
dagh (fka tesslibrarian)
@taylormattd: This was my question: it’s okay to be enraged at those writing checks at the grocery store, right? Because that happened to us this afternoon, and it’s like being stuck in traffic behind a horse and carriage.
As we were (finally) leaving, my husband said that in 15 years, we’re going to be the ones slowing down the line by using credit cards. I told him that with U.S. infrastructure spending and corporate-owned internet, that was highly unlikely. And that is just depressing.
ETA: really? moderation? is the Internet taking everything personally now?
MattR
This is a pretty cool anti child abuse ad campaign, though I have little doubt the technology will soon be used on shady advertising targeting children.
Yatsuno
@TaMara (BHF): You know I luvers you rite? :)
Mnemosyne
@moderateindy:
I’m assuming those people would have a meltdown if they ever used my bank’s ATM, because I have a choice of THREE languages: English, Spanish, and Japanese (it’s an American division of The Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi).
Sgaile-beairt
@Redshift: the kids are alright!!
Dead Ernest
@Betsy:
Betsy, Dear…
Well I had no problem understanding what you were saying (which may not bode well for you. see #108 above).
But that’s not why I planned to reply to you. I planned that as soon as I read your’s at #60 to say ‘Ha! That’s great. Thanks’.
Whimsy can get lonely. Seems to be more the case round here today than usual (Crap. There’s the Meta again. Sorry, sorry. Carry on all. Dead Ernest Out)
eemom
@Redshift:
In other other-worldly news, I just saw a guy who looked a lot like you at the Giant here in Vienna — except he was wearing a kilt.
I told him I thought it was cool, as one rarely sees a man in Vienna wearing a kilt, much less in a Giant.
Mnemosyne
@Bruce S:
There is some unidentified site weirdness going on right now, which is why Yutsano had to transform himself into Yatsuno (his comments kept being thrown into the spam filter for no apparent reason, plus people had a hard time responding to him). So it’s either you have a forbidden word hidden in your link or FYWP is screwing with you because it can.
Cassidy
Fuck yeah Todd. Wimmens, what’s wrong with them? Bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s bro’s …
Redshift
@eemom: I have a kilt (a Utilikilt), but I haven’t ever worn it to Giant. I did have an occasion where I wore it to a party that a friend has every year, and another friend thanked me because his parents were in town and he had brought them with him to the party, and he had warned them that they might see unusual things like men in kilts. :-)
Riccardo Cabeza
“This Is Water”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmpYnxlEh0c
Suzanne
@TaMara (BHF): I worked at McDonald’s when I was sixteen, and I used to give homeless people free food. I figured it was just a fucking McJob, and if someone was really going to get up in my grill about it, I could always ask them why they hated the less fortunate. None of my managers ever did. I don’t know if they were oblivious or if it was,okay with them, as long as it was on a small scale.
However, I did lose my patience in epic fashion once,on 29-cent hamburger,night. We used to get people of low economic means coming through and buying dozens of the burgers before we limited orders to 12. One night, we were so busy that we were literally hundreds or burgers behind, with about a half an hour wait, and some smug not-indigent assface wanted 12 burgers at 8:04. The promotion ended at 8, and we were still going to be making burgers for about twenty minutes before we were caught up.mthis dude went apeshit on me and my manager kicked him out of the store for being an insufferable asshole.
JWL
What people don’t understand about the strangers they deal with is infinite.
That surly SOB who just really pissed you off over what is essentially a trifle ? Could be his mother has just been committed to the care of a hospice; one of his kids has been diagnosed with leukemia; or maybe he’s on the verge of losing his house to a bank.
Or maybe he’s just a miserable SOB.
The point being, you never know, you never can tell.
Posey
I was complaining about the time I had wasted waiting in line, and a friend said, “Aren’t you the one who complains about never having a minute to yourself?” It was a little hard to learn, but now I try to remember the lyrics to an old song, name states’ capitals, or make up stories about the people around me (not nasty, just detailed). I make up their names too.
dm
@Rob_in_Hawaii: Wow. The price of my balloon-juice subscription just paid for itself.
TR
As the great Boyd Crowder said: “if you run into an asshole in the morning, then fine, you met an asshole; but if you run into assholes all day, then you’re the asshole.”
quannlace
Is this a free-for-all for irritating encounters with our fellow human beings? In grocery stores, it’s going into a completely empty aisle, but the one item you want is blocked by a couple who are debating their purchase, say, which bottle of olive oil? And it goes on and on…..till I finally whisper ‘Excuse me…” and they jump and look at me like I appeared out of nowhere.
**************
The other. Someone who cuts me off in traffic and then stops midway. If you’re gonna do it, just do it.
Todd
@aimai:
My ass. They’re the rump of the Greediest Generation, and as despicable as so many of the men were, their women were worse.
Who else was going to cross the street or demand suburban living because they were afraid of black folks?
Betsy
@Cassidy: Because nothing says “asshole” quite like a young man hating on older women that fill their houses with baskets and quilts and once took too much dessert from a cruise buffet.
grandpa john
@taylormattd: The only thing about checkbook use that irritates me is when they wait until the cashier runs the whole bill before they start making out the check.
MikeJ
@TR:
What if you’re at CPAC?
Betsy
@Todd: Keep fucking that chicken.
Betsy
And with that, it looks like this thread is O-ver
Wolfdaughter
@JoyceH:
I can’t totally agree with what you’re saying. I personally wish that there was a class on pedestrian education. Yeah, our parents all teach us to look both ways before stepping out into the street, but the training needs to go further and more explicitly than that.
You would think people would realize the following, but judging from their actions, a lot of them don’t. Which is that a vehicle weighs at least a couple of tons, and big rigs many tons, and NO vehicle can stop on a dime. It’s your responsibility as a pedestrian to note oncoming traffic and gauge the safety of crossing. Keeping in mind that you may not be visible to oncoming drivers, especially at night and more especially if you’re wearing dark clothing.
Time and again I’ve seen pedestrians do truly stupid things but rarely, thank deity of choice, do they actually get hurt. I’ve almost run over a few in my time. I’m grateful that I’ve so far not actually run over one, because even if I knew what they did was terminally stupid, I would feel guilty for the rest of my life.
Back to John, I agree with others. You weren’t an asshole because you kept your mouth shut. Not everyone does.
grandpa john
@Ultraviolet Thunder: Sometimes it pays. The store that I shop at is noted for having items listed as being on sale but when rung up comes up the regular price as someone didn’t put it in the computer. thing is you can correct it at the register on your purchase and then 2 or 3 days later buy the same thingstill on sale and it still rings up at regular price. In other words management even when shown the error does not correct it.
debit
@Betsy: I’m going to stick around to see if Todd comes back to passionately defend his wildly sweeping generalizations. Or take a nap. I haven’t decided yet.
dexwood.
@Dead Ernest: Don’t worry about it Dead E, I’ll catch you in the check out line.
Dissatisfied Customer
At least you’re introspective enough to admit that there, but for the grace of Cthulhu, goes any of us.
Robert Waldmann
I hate to pile on (but really I don’t) and would like to add that grocery shopping with one young child is a nightmare. I shudder to think what shopping with two must be like.
Your self awareness humility and willingness to call yourself an asshole is an inspiration to all assholes including me.
gelfling545
The VISTA program of Americorps keeps the living stipend they provide to their (mostly) young members just below the line of eligibility for food stamps & encourage their members to apply for them. In this way 2 important things happen to the members: 1. They learn not to make assumptions about why people are getting help (as they stand in the check out line being judged by folks who would never serve as they are)and what people who need assistance have to go through; and 2. They develop a burning desire not to ever have to live on food stamps again. It’s an eye opener in many ways and many young folks could do worse that to give a year of service after college.
Andrew Pulrang
Your experience is, I believe, 90% of what makes rank and file conservatives the way they are. I don’t remember who said it, but someone back in the ’50s I think said that modern conservatism isn’t a political philosophy, it’s a collection of “irritable mental gestures.” People take the things that instinctively piss them off and construct philosophies and morals to justify their pissed-offedness. For whatever reason, they don’t do as you did and question their own irritations or put them in context. I think it’s the same with immigration. They construct a whole system of arguments about people flouting the law, stealing jobs, preserving “our” culture, etc., but what really bugs them is people who look funny, talk funny, and don’t follow their favorite traditions.
Jay in Oregon
@Steeplejack:
Here I am at 41 years old, trying to figure out if I’m tying my shoes correctly.
Thank you for that moment of self-amusement.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Todd: It’s even worse than that. They’re living off of your payroll taxes while they vote for candidates who are going to end social security for you.
It's Not The Fall, It's The Landing
@TR: Boyd Crowder is a memorable character, Walt Goggins a talented actor, and “Justified” an entertaining show, but the quote about running into assholes – true and applicable in this case as it may be – is from the character of Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant).
And Cole, getting annoyed with someone doesn’t make you an asshole, it makes you human. It’s the acting out based on that annoyance that makes someone an asshole. In this case, you kept your mouth shut and did not express your annoyance in public, which seems like the action of a basically decent person with some empathy for others.
lojasmo
@Just Some Fuckhead:
You know nothing about the situation. Fuck off.
Weaselone
That occasionally happens to me as well. It generally ends with me internally berating myself for being an insensitive asshole. I have concluded the following.
1. If you have these thoughts, you have assholish impulses. In other words, you’re human.
2. If you say something, you’re a certified asshole.
3. If you examine what they’re buying and write a bitter, jealous screed on Facebook about moochers buying a. “T-bones”, b. junk food, or c. both you’re a modern conservative.
everbluegreen
@Todd:
Looks like Philip Wylie is back from the dead!
This makes me think of my mother-in-law. Raised on a dairy farm in upstate NY, she quilts, sews, collects MOUNTAINS of Precious Moments figurines and related crap, walks slowly, is overweight, cries every.single.time. she tells us she loves us, lives in central FL, goes on cruises, is a devout Christian.
She also fought her parents’ racism every chance she got, raised her children without spanking them despite the fact that she used to get the shit beat out of her, has voted Democrat in every election since 1964, and left one church because they insisted that homosexuality was evil. All that quilting she does? Making blankets for homeless shelters.
In short, Todd, kindly take your virulent misogyny for a long walk off a short pier.
lojasmo
@taylormattd:
What the fuck is a checkbook?
Andrew Pulrang
For me its lottery ticket buyers. They seem to take forever, and by the time I get to make my oh-so-important purchase, I’m 100% certain they are poor, stupid, and would vote down any tax increase. Yet, they think nothing of buying lottery tickets. Idiots.
Lately I’ve started to think it’s something else entirely. They are bored and lonely. Choosing their lottery tickets gives them a chance to talk with the nice girl who works at the local convenience store, and scratching them off and maybe winning a bit gives them something to look forward to. Now, that’s a more charitable, generous thought … and it may be closer to the truth … but it still feels condescending.
ruemara
Having been in that position and, well, about to be in that position again-you’re not really an asshole. You’re more nascent but recovering. A true asshole would have berated her and made her feel even worse.
@Andrew Pulrang: Sorta. It’s more like, “If I stop buying, then I’ve lost all hope and dreams that something good can happen for me. If I have, I don’t know if I will choose to go on breathing”. I told a friend that if I simply stop buying my once in a while, probably I should be on suicide watch.
Betsy
@Andrew Pulrang: In the modern world, where we are drowning in irony, and in denial about our class system, it’s easy to confuse charitable thoughts with condescension. But it seems to me you are “doing it right.”
jay Noble
@Sgaile-beairt: Yay, that does get annoying. A good manager/supervisor would break them of that.
Steeplejack
@Jay in Oregon:
Ha! If only I had learned at 41, I could have been somebody.
Seriously, just by changing which lace I put over the other at the start I fixed a lifetime of bad lacing.
Some guy in Austin
I can be an asshole, too. I’m prejudice, not racially so, but I make snap judgements of people based on very little information.
As George Clooney’s character says, “I stereotype, it’s quicker.”.
I’m trying to get better, I really am.
mclaren
Criminy. Why don’t you people just bring a paperback to the checkout line? Or read one on your smartphones?
What’s the big friggin’ deal?
RedwoodGirl
Thanks to everyone who recommended “This is Water”. I wouldn’t normally watch a video without really know what it’s about, except for the multiple recommendations for it that appeared here. What a lovely thoughtful talk that was.
Arclite
@ John, That’s better than 90% of the people out there do, for kudos to you for self awareness.
Renie
@TR:
Great show but it was Raylan Givens who said it. :-)
Jeff Altemus
Good catch for your own personal growth and perspective, but no, John, you’re not an asshole–you’re human. An asshole would have said something impatient and shaming to the woman.
You didn’t.