The fools who paid for the Atlas Shrugged movie are making jewelry, just in time for Mothers’ Day. (via). This grotesque artifact is made of anodized aluminum, the stuff dreams are made of, if you dream on the cheap, though it’s called “Rearden Metal”, which I thought was only reserved for cock rings in the Randian world.
I’ve just seen clips of the Shrugfest films, but they all look like they were produced by Stalin’s favorite pornographer. This bracelet in particular looks like something Trotsky would have sent home to his babushka to memorialize the sacrifice of the noble workers in the Siberian bauxite mines.
I’d call the Hollywood Galtians’ aesthetic “fascist”, but that would be an insult to Hitler and Mussolini, who actually had a bit of flair and style. If Leni Riefenstahl were alive today, she’d spit on the floor as she walked out of these movies.
jibeaux
This mom would rather have a painted macaroni bracelet.
Kay
Boy, it really is horrible.
Is that a clasp or a bell, the roundish thing? I hope it’s a bell. It would be so great if it’s noisy, in addition to being ugly.
El Cid
I think it looks a good deal more like a functioning shackle than ‘bracelet’.
Suffern ACE
Nothing says man of distinction quite like a large lapel pin shaped like a dollar sign and made of golden metal.
NCSteve
That’s not to say Fritz Hippler wouldn’t have had a lucrative career doing commercials for Republican House races.
the Conster
What a bunch of pathetic assclowns.
RSA
I’m reminded of Spider-Man’s web shooters.
dmsilev
$143 for that? “Marked down” from $160 of course.
Guess ticket sales weren’t enough to offset the production costs.
MikeJ
I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an aesthetic.
WereBear
You are correct. Jiminy, they just can’t help it, can they?
JPL
@El Cid: I wonder if it comes with a monitoring device.
mistermix
@dmsilev: It’s $143.10. They’re such moronic literalists that when they want to knock 10% off of a price, they knock exactly, to the penny, 10% off.
Schlemizel
All you weak and worthless gamma bunnies can’t deal with the raw power and sexuality exuded by alpha men who designed, and women who can wear, such an awesome artifact!
It would look perfect on the wrist of a real mother; one who knows that breast feeding only builds dependency and teaches the virtue of being a maker not a taker from the moment the future greatness enters the world!
mistermix
@MikeJ: Dude, these men are nihilists.
Joy
At least if they all buy one, we can identify them easily because no one other than a Galtian would wear that hideous thing.
skjellyfetti
He said ‘COCK’.
heh-heh-heh… uh Beavis…
Spot-on post! 10/10!!
jibeaux
In unrelated news, Chris Christie had lap band surgery in February. I have a lot of empathy for people who struggle with weight and I have a dear friend who has also had this surgery. But, February was three months ago? At what point does he ask for his money back?
dmsilev
@mistermix: It’s still overpriced by roughly an order of magnitude.
PIGL
@MikeJ: Rat Bastard beat me to it…
MikeBoyScout
You do Lev Trotsky a huge unnecessary disservice.
Mezz (fpa Michael2)
Hmmm… They had flair, but their “aesthetic sophistication” was entirely immature. A lot of good work in the last dozen years (see Frederick Spotts, Simonetta Zamponi) has shown that their (Hitler in particular) sense of “art” was pretty child-like.
All that aside, that is one ugly f***ing bracelet.
Hoodie
Some other great buys on that site. Looks like “Atlas” by Nomad MP3 is not a big seller, though. The one review says “Too slow, not dynamic, boring and very disappointing. Not what you would expect if you thought of the music that inspires Dagny Taggert.” Actually, that sounds exactly like one would expect. Atlas Shrugged mousepads are also on clearance.
RSA
The comments on the store site are apparently sincere (they’re typical semi-literate product descriptions). Some are also unintentionally quite funny:
“I would recommend this piece to anyone who likes Atlas Shrugged or fine jewelery.”
“I love this bracelet. I love wearing it as it feels like a secret code that only some others know.”
“This bracelet is stunning. It’s very lightweight, durable, and the best Christmas present I’ve probably ever received. Some might even say it infuses you with the intellectual power and confidence of Ayn Rand! If you believe hard enough, that is.”
“I’ll admit that the clasp is tricky, but it’s difficult in an Ayn Rand kind of way. Just figure it out, and it’s really not that tough.”
“Whoever designed the clasp on this was delusional. It took me a good 15+ minutes to get this on by myself. Once I got it on, I slept in it, just on principle.”
weaselone
So Rearden metal is actually aluminum. Atlas Shrugs actually makes a little more sense when one assumes Rearden is a fraud who managed to convince/bribe the government to give him a patent for aluminum as opposed to some super-genius materials scientist.
JPL
@RSA: Thanks you for sharing, since some of us didn’t link to the site.
Brother Machine Gun of Desirable Mindfulness (fka AWS)
@RSA:
That has to be a spoof.
Linda Featheringill
@Mezz (fpa Michael2):
Fascist art:
I always thought it was about theoretical people. It looks as though the artist didn’t use a real model, just produced something that was typically human.
Fascist art works really hard to erase the individual. I have wondered whether the artists and patron do that on purpose or if they just can’t help themselves.
quannlace
Umm, a 150 bucks for something that looks like it’s from a grade Z sci-fi movie.
Certified Mutant Enemy
@quannlace:
grade Z sci-fi movie.
A pretty good description of the Atlas Shrugged movies…
Just One More Canuck
@Brother Machine Gun of Desirable Mindfulness (fka AWS): DougJ was there
Ash Can
As a sometimes-wearer of funky/industrial-chic fashions myself, I can’t come down too hard on the bracelet’s looks. However, this is the sort of thing I get for two bucks from a tag sale, not well over a hundred from some two-bit grifters pushing a horse’s-ass ideological agenda.
@RSA: Looking at the bracelet, I’d have figured it had a simple magnetic clasp, making it easy to get on and off. Reading those comments, though, I guess it doesn’t. …Then again, if these are actual Randroids posting these comments, the thing probably does have just a simple magnetic clasp.
Citizen_X
To paraphrase Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now, I don’t see any aesthetic.
@RSA:
Here’s a good thing about Ayn Rand: the certainty that she would dress this fool down till they started crying. (Yes, she liked her sycophants, but I think she would demand at least a smidgen of subtlety.)
jibeaux
In the comments for that too-tacky-for-Flavor-Flav money clip, someone wrote that they had a swimming pool in the shape of the $ . I think they stole that idea from the Richie Rich cartoon.
Ryan_C
@quannlace: One word, friend. Cult.
MomSense
@mistermix
That was awesome! All of it–every word!
Nylund
My wife and I watched the first one on Netflix.
The dialog is terrible. It’s so stilted, unnatural, cliched, and heavy handed. The movie acts as if it’s full of deep insights, mystery, and tension. In reality it’s just a very long and boring movie where a series of unlikable one-dimensional characters blame their problems on other people and talk way too much about metal and trains.
This bracelet is meant to mimic the one Hank Reardon gives his unappreciative wife, who, unlike Dagney doesn’t appreciate how awesome a steel/aluminum bracelet is.
What almost makes it worth watching is the extent to which the whole thing is a giant case of projection. It’s the capitalists who are driven by reason, fact, and a desire to make the world a better place. It’s the evil gov’t and unions that are motivated by power, money, don’t care about the world, and have no scruples or sense of right and wrong.
MomSense
@Kay:
Looks like a wrecking ball.
debbie
@Schlemizel:
Kinda like those pointy stilettos that will not fade from fashion. Keep ’em crippled and in pain!
geg6
@Ash Can:
I like an industrial look, too, but this is kinda ugly even if you put it in that category. Very cheap-looking, which is why the price is so shocking. But we are on the same wavelength with the clasp. I totally thought it looked like a magnetic clasp. So the question is which Randians are more stupid: the designer who knows so little about practical design that he/she didn’t use a magnetic clasp or the buyers who are too stupid to figure out a magnetic clasp?
And I think the comments there HAVE to be spoofs. Either way, hilaious.
Todd
@Nylund:
So it tracked Rand’s shorthand writing to the letter, then.
Higgs Boson's Mate
Wow, jewelry, DVDs, apparel and bling. The people behind this are going to be hundredaires before they know it.
jake the snake
@NCSteve:
So Hippler got the job that Fritz Lang turned down.
MikeJ
@Kay:
One time in college I was out with this girl and she was wearing some bells on her ankle. We’re sitting in a bar, quietly having a drink and chatting. Frat boy type walks up and says to her, “In my sociology class we learned about a tribe that believed the sound of bells kept evil spirits away.” She slowly looked him up and down, stuck out her leg, and shook.
RSA
@geg6:
Poe’s Law makes it hard to judge. But you may be right–there are 71 reviews of this woman’s bracelet, and that number must be close to the entire population of female libertarians in the U.S.
SatanicPanic
I hope more libertarians wear identifying jewelry, it will make them easier to round up when we get the FEMA camps going.
TS
@jibeaux:
He could have lost a lot – without you noticing – especially in colder months when one is rugged up – been there – done it.
No further doubt – he is running for President 2016 – could not do it with that weight.
Ash Can
@geg6: It would depend on the overall look. It would have to be worn with the right clothes and/or other accessories. All on its own, and on paper like we see it here, it doesn’t have a whole lot going for it. Oxidized metals can look very nice in person, though, and honesty compels me to say that if I came across this bracelet where I find virtually all of my other jewelry — in “$1 each” boxes full of old costume stuff at garage and estate sales — I might give it a whirl.
maya
That bracelet actually has practical value. It doubles as a corduroy road for their pet gila monsters during monsoon season offensives.
Digital Amish
Nothing displays your philosophical and social evolution like a large dollar sign stuck on your lapel.
Splitting Image
@dmsilev:
I presume this means that Megan McCardle was involved in its creation?
Interrobang
@Digital Amish: Well, on the other hand, like I always think when I spot some douchebag wearing an openly misogynistic t-shirt, “How nice of them to wear signs! They’re much easier to avoid that way!” I mean, seriously, don’t you wish asshole Randians did wear signs? Let’s seriously encourage this behaviour.
MikeJ — That was hilarious. Kudos to your friend with the bells.
Snarki, child of Loki
In order to be COMPLETELY in tune with the Randian/GOPer ethic, the bracelet has to be made of an aluminum alloy with some gallium contamination that will slowly diffuse into the skin and give the wearer heavy metal poisoning.
The mental symptoms of which, by the way, closely match the psychological ‘quirks’ of hardline Teabagger conservatives. At least before the convulsions and death throes.
“Win-win!” gasps Zombie Ayn Rand!
Villago Delenda Est
@TS:
While it’s true he couldn’t attempt it with that weight, I don’t think he can survive the primary process in the GOP. He’s considered a vile traitor now for saying anything good about the Near Sheriff.
TS
@Villago Delenda Est:
The GOP forgive their own – he will say some negative things about PBO – and all will be forgiven. Despite the tea party – Romney was the candidate & Christie is probably the best option they have for 2016 – providing he is physically fit. In his current situation I can’t imagine how he could walk up the stairs to AF1 – hence the need to lose the weight.
SFAW
@RSA:
“Hey, Galtian! Wanna know how to keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?”
“Yeah, how?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
I must have the wrong values – I wouldn’t think a person would want to brag about how he/she bought some ugly piece of jewelry (“It was ON SALE!”) that had the side benefit of making him/her stupid(er).
Beauzeaux
@jibeaux: You know what? Screw you.
The man has a LOT of weight to lose and it’s not going to just fall off in a couple of months.
In any case, the most important thing about Christie is his policies. If he becomes thin then he’s just a thin fucker.
PurpleGirl
@Kay: It’s an ugly clasp, probably magnetic but possibly not. I’ve seen better looking clasps.
Lawrence
I read that shite in high school, and I can tell you the item for sale bears no resemblance to the Rearden Metal bracelet that is in the book. The bracelet was the first thing made from the new alloy, and consisted of crudely forged links. It was a gift from the inventor to his wife who, naturally, did not appreciate it. That is the true mark of a Rand hero, nobody appreciates you. Rearden metal should have a green patina, due to the significant copper content in the alloy. It’s treatment in the book suggests it is like titanium, which I do not believe was used at the time. So, green anodized titanium would at least be a real homage to the book. Instead poor Randians have to make do with last year’s modernist costume jewelry that didn’t sell.
El Cid
Does it contain a firearm and at least 30 rounds? If not, why do they hate America?
Roger Moore
@Ash Can:
Magnets: how the fuck do they work?
SFAW
@El Cid:
It doesn’t, but if you line up the planes of the bracelet “just so,” a Death Ray shoots out and fries all those infidels who think that Rosenbaum was a hack writer whose “philosophy” was bullshit. (In addition to there being no yrch.)
Mezz (fpa Michael2)
@Linda Featheringill: It’s interesting – I think Spotts mentions that, in contrast to the hyper-emotive painting that real artists were doing (Expressionism in particular comes to mind), Hitler didn’t really paint people in his paintings. They were either incredibly small, entirely faceless and non-descript or completely absent. The association is as you say: the masses matter less than the overall “vision” of the abstract New Man. Or in the case of much of Hitler’s fin-de-siecle craptastic art, they were dwarfed by architectural elements.
MomSense
@SatanicPanic:
Yeah what is up with those camps anyway? Why the delay?? Obama is the worst dictator ever.
Lurking Canadian
That’s not Rearden metal! Rearden metal was green. And magic. Why, I’d be a fool to pay anything more than $140 for that cheap knock off!
NonyNony
@MomSense:
Clinton was supposed to have the FEMA camps up with the secret FEMA trains bringing in the prisoners for re-education. And yet here we are almost two decades later and no camps.
Typical liberal government inefficiency if you ask me.
SFAW
@MomSense:
Give him a break, will you? He’s had his hands full, what with trying to get Sharia law implemented via Constitutional Amendment, plus the Executive Order mandating abortions for all pregnant women, plus he had to attend the World Commie-Pinko-Socialists Convention (where he was the keynote speaker), plus he had to go to Nairobi to renew his voter registration. And that’s only just the three weeks since he showed the Tsarnaev brothers how to build those “devices.”
He’s trying, you firebagger, he’s trying – but your bad-mouthing won’t make it any easier for him. Well, that is, AFTER you get back from your “staycation” at one of the plushly-appointed Attitude Readjustment Camps. Arbeit Macht Frei, baby!
Lurking Canadian
@NonyNony: On the contrary. The government is SO efficient that they’ve been able to carry out a twenty year program of disappearance and secret execution WITHOUT LEAVING ANY EVIDENCE! Diabolical!
The Other Chuck
You know who else had flair? The N–oh, you already went there.
Short Bus Bully
“Stalin’s favorite pornographer.” Consider that stolen and no credit given. Fucking awesome line.
MomSense
@NonyNony: @SFAW:
Ok but unlike Clinton, Obama has all those Czars!! WTF good are all those Czars if they can’t get the camps up and running??!!
Villago Delenda Est
@The Other Chuck:
You gotta admit, SS uniforms were boss.
johnny aquitard
A techo-brutalist armband?
Oops. I see El Cid has already cut through the artsy-fartsy pretension and called it as it is: a shackle.
Glocksman
@Villago Delenda Est:
Hugo Boss. :)
I remember reading somewhere that an unwritten rule of war is that the military with the snazziest uniforms usually loses.