Perverted Pyramid

I know we’re beating this horse into the ground but here’s how fucked up CNN is:
The person who caused death, dismemberment, panic and anguish in an attack that’s riveted the nation has been apprehended (according to them), and the third sentence of the story is “First!”. Res ipsa loquitur.

82 replies
  1. 1
    lamh35 says:

    the whole thing is def disgusting, but the cake for me is John fuckin’ King and his reports of a “dark skinned male”

    “I was told they have a breakthrough in the identification of the suspect, and I’m told — and I want to be very careful about this because people get very sensitive when you say these things — I was told by one of these sources who’s a law enforcement official that this was a dark-skinned male,” King reported. “The official used some other words, I’m going to repeat them until we get more information because of the sensitivities. There are some people who will take offense even in saying that.”

    “I’m making a personal judgment — forgive me — and I think it’s the right judgment not to try to inflame tensions,” he added.

    “not to try to inflame tensions”??? really King, really.

    oh but wait, there is more:

    And if other media reports are correct, even King’s initial description of the suspect as a “dark-skinned male” may have been wrong.

    CBS News noted on Wednesday that the “man sought as a possible suspect is a white male, wearing white baseball cap on backwards, a gray hoodie and a black jacket.”

    Fuck CNN and John King, on behalf of all the dark-skinned people from this brown-skinned female.

  2. 2
    Rich2506 says:

    I’ve mentioned this before, but as a teenager, I’d read the movie parodies put out by both Mad and Cracked. The Cracked ones came out first, but were often poorly written and sometimes they were obviously just based on the movie preview. The Mad ones came out later, but were usually thoughtful and funny. I MUCH prefer that news organizations take their time and get it right rather than trying to be first.

  3. 3
    David Koch says:

    CNN, you lie down with dogs ya gonna get fleas. You hire wingnut bushie Fran Townsend ya gonna end up with ya own “Mission Accomplished” moment.

    Also too,

  4. 4
    The Dangerman says:

    News if the arrest was first misreported by CNN.

    Also, I’m shocked, SHOCKED (/Casablanca) that background checks is on life support if not deceased. There will be no significant Gun Control legislation in the foreseeable future.

    Now, gun safety, that is what should be pushed; people need to lock up their weapons and not be showing them off where little kids get to them and blow people away. Or, for that matter, have your whacked out kid get access to them to blow you and a whole bunch of others away.

  5. 5
    tybee says:

    they can’t even round up the usual suspects

  6. 6
    scav says:

    @lamh35: There are those “some people” being all offended and all. pulease. And throwing you own hat in for a Nobel by the unprecidented personal moral judgement and stand of not inflaming tensions? Forgive Me for not fainting at the sight of your glory. I second lamh35 on the part of paler bipeds.

  7. 7
    dmsilev says:

    The Onion ran a pair of stories a little earlier today:

    BREAKING: ‘The Onion’ In Kill Range Of Boston Bomber Suspect
    Do We Take The Shot? Tweet Us Your Votes

    UPDATE: ‘The Onion’ Apologizes For Killing Innocent Boston Man Tom Mahoney
    We Spoke Too Soon

    I give it a year or two tops before this ceases to be satire and instead becomes reality.

  8. 8
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    Crack Bush administration vet and CNN expert on terrorism and intelligence Fran Townsend, yesterday

    Of course, that didn’t stop Wolf Blitzer, who really should be torn down so someone can build a drive-thru beer stand, from hosting former Bush administration Homeland Security chief Fran Townsend, who immediately went off for a few minutes about how ricin was “straight out of the al Qaeda play book.”


    Federal agents arrested a man on Monday suspected of sending letters feared contaminated by the poison ricin to President Obama and a Mississippi senator, according to two officials with knowledge of the case. The suspect was identified as Paul Kevin Curtis of Tupelo, Miss.

    I’m betting Paul Kevin of Tupelo doesn’t have an Al Qaeda playbook.

  9. 9
    David Koch says:

    the look of devastation

  10. 10
    Violet says:

    @efgoldman: Might have a gray hoodie.

  11. 11
    JPL says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: I wonder if he owns a black jacket and hoodie.

  12. 12


    they can’t even round up the usual suspects

    What do you call blaming it on the darkie, then?

  13. 13
    TR says:


    Well, in that case, he’s clearly not a terrorist.

  14. 14
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    Frannie Townsend signed George W Bush’s yearbook thusly in 2007:
    In 1937, the playwright Maxwell Anderson wrote of President George Washington: There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, til all men walk on higher ground in their lifetime.
    Mr. President, you are such a man.

  15. 15
    PeakVT says:

    @efgoldman: Cole got reddited.

  16. 16

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I’m betting Paul Kevin of Tupelo doesn’t have an Al Qaeda playbook.

    I wonder if he knows local douchebag, Chesley Ruff of Tupelo, Mississippi.

  17. 17
    Mike with a Mic says:

    The latest wingnut thing is that the SEALs were in on it. Because there happened to be some SEALs at the marathon. I find this utterly hilarious because I was in the service, Navy at that. Military members participating in a marathon as competitors and helping out off duty isn’t abnormal at all. Seeing all sorts of SF types and the general military is pretty damn normal for this sort of thing.

  18. 18
    Soonergrunt says:

    @Mike with a Mic: Hell, there were MA NG Soldiers running the marathon in combat boots and uniforms.
    Big marathon like this can sometimes have whole platoons or companies doing it.

  19. 19
    Ha says:

    Someone at another news blog wrote that Senator Wicker who received the ricin-contaminated mail along with Obama (possibly), was one of the few Republicans who voted to end the gun legislation filibuster.

    If so, this could explain why a Republican as well a Democrat received poisoned letters. Of course, if Obama’s mail was not ricin-contaminated, then this supposition is wrong.

  20. 20
    David Koch says:

    all the so-called-liberals who love to give Rand Paul a reach around, did you hear he called the Newtown families “sad” and “props”.

  21. 21
    Hoodie says:

    My disgust now extends to John King, Anderson Cooper and anyone else continuing to have anything to do with CNN, my Republican senator (who makes frigging Joe Manchin look like Wayne Morse) and any asshole who thinks that steaming pile of pig excrement Rand Paul has anything meaningful to say about anything.

  22. 22
    Mike with a Mic says:


    I’ve done a marathon inside and out of the service. The MCM finishes right across the street from my apartment. Hence why it cracks me up “military people in black jackets, hats (unit designators at that, STV) and cargo pants, INSIDE JOB” ummmmm….. no.

    Their reaction makes my blood boil at some level and laugh on another. I worked with several SEALs during my stint and “zomg SEALs at marathons” yeah… no shit. They should come to this area see the MCM, military types EVERYWHERE!

  23. 23
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    @David Koch: But he filibustered about drones! Even though his position was well to the right of anything the one-issue drone-drones want, he mentioned them! He really LIKES THEM!

  24. 24
    Mike with a Mic says:


    They weren’t running it. They were standing around in black tops, khaki cargo pants and boots, and with black backpacks.

    Which again, it’s not out of the ordinary at all. The hysterics are obnoxious though.

  25. 25
    Schlemizel says:

    CNN – We put the broken in breaking news!

    CNN – You’ll hear inaccurate stories here first!

    Although its tough to top TDS commenting on CNN reading a Skippy post as part of a news show
    “When I want news I turn to CNN. When CNN wants news they turn to . . . Skippy the Bush Kangaroo!”

  26. 26
    Thoughtcrime says:

    So when will CNN be declared an Errorist Organization?

  27. 27
    maya says:

    Boy, is everyone going to be in mouth-open shock when it is learned that the bomber is actually a Native American (Red-man) who has colonial era treaty grievances.

  28. 28
    Baud says:

    If they reported the news right the first time, you wouldn’t have any incentive to keep watching.

  29. 29
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @maya: I don’t want to laugh at that, but…

  30. 30
    dmsilev says:

    @maya: No, no, no, it’ll turn out to be a British tea fanatic upset that the colonists didn’t properly warm up Boston Harbor before adding the leaves.

  31. 31
    Yutsano says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I’ll take up residence in the condo in Hades right next door, because I thought that was actually kinda awesome.

  32. 32
    raven says:

    I am assuming I’m not the only one having trouble accessing the site?

  33. 33
    👽 Martin says:

    I want my $19.95 back!

  34. 34
    Baud says:


    No. Heavy traffic because Cole’s rant made it onto Reddit’s front page.

  35. 35


    If they reported the news right the first time, you wouldn’t have any incentive to keep watching.

    If they keep getting the news wrong, I have no incentive to start watching them.

  36. 36
    beltane says:

    @Roger Moore: Getting several major breaking stories in a row wrong doesn’t sound like the best business model, especially if your motto is “the most trusted name in news”.

  37. 37
    Baud says:

    @Roger Moore:

    I stopped watching a long time ago. I rely on Balloon Juice to be my filter.

  38. 38
    Suffern ACE says:

    Was it CNN who after sandy hook ran up a Facebook photo of the shooters brother claiming that he was the shooter?

  39. 39
    Scotius says:

    CNN — “All the news we haven’t bothered to check.”

  40. 40
    Bruce S says:

    CNN: “A dark-skinned male has been apprehended…”

    Does Susan Smith deserve to be paroled out and made head of the CNN Boston Bureau?

  41. 41
    raven says:

    @Baud: Well it blows.

  42. 42
    Gravenstone says:

    @Mike with a Mic: I feel unclean for following that link. My bad for not realizing “infowars” was an Alex Jones op.

  43. 43
    RalfW says:

    Gabby Giffords op-ed already up at NYT on the filibuster shit. Its devastating to any remaining Senator who isn’t a Gollum.

  44. 44
    Redshirt says:

    This site is horked for the next 12/24 hours. Too popular!

    I hope the bomber is a Freeper. They’d still defend him.

  45. 45
    Morzer says:

    “First reported by CNN”


    “No-one helped us to fuck this story up so monumentally that even Dubya thought we were incompetent.”

  46. 46
    Comrade Mary says:

    It appears that Paul Kevin Curtis, the ricin guy, may not be playing with a full deck.

    What seems to be his web site. Includes discussions of conspiracies related to a fridge full of body parts.

    Poor raving bastard. I feel for everyone put at risk by the ricin (including postal workers, Hill workers, and the like), but if this is the guy, he’s got some serious, serious problems.

  47. 47
    Redshirt says:

    Did anyone really expect gun control legislation to pass? Are you the same folks who think we’d have Single Pater Unicorns if only Obama used the Bully Pulpit?

  48. 48
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Okay, now I begin to understand this otherwise puzzling Wikipedia bio entry for Fran Townsend:

    Frances M. Fragos Townsend (born December 28, 1961) is the former Homeland Security Advisor to United States President George W. Bush and TV personality. Townsend was appointed to this position by President Bush on May 28, 2004.

    See, I never realized before that Presidents had the power to appoint people to the position of “TV personality,” but the yearbook entry explains it.

  49. 49
    Just One More Canuck says:

    @Rich2506: In all fairness to Cracked, they do better reporting than CNN. I can feel my brains being sucked out of my head when CNN is on

  50. 50
    Baud says:

    At this point, CNN should just stay with the “dark-skinned male” story and try to capture some of Fox’s viewers.

  51. 51
    RaflW says:

    @Redshirt: I did not expect it to pass the House. I did think it had a decent chance in the Senate, so that at least we’d have a f*cking starting point. So at least we’d have a way of saying that Dems can move a popular bill, and Reps have a way of horking everything up in the House. Ergo, get rid of Repubs.

    But since our press is utter crap, lots of people are pissed off at the Dems for not getting it through the Democratic senate.

  52. 52
    Baud says:


    There are a lot of “Blame Democrats First” Democrats out there. I think it hurts us more than the vapid media.

  53. 53
    beltane says:

    @Comrade Mary: My first job out of college was as a pro se clerk for a federal appeals court. Most of the people I worked with were like this-invariably sincere in their delusions and unable to understand why the rest of humanity does not see what they’re seeing.

    However, the sick thing is that the Senate voted today to continue to allow people like this to have unimpeded access to assault weapons. We are fortunate that this fellow does not really seem to have ass murder in his heart, but who are the true madmen here.

  54. 54
    4tehlulz says:

    >ass murder

  55. 55
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Comrade Mary: It appears that Paul Kevin Curtis, the ricin guy, may not be playing with a full deck.

    There are conflicting reports (should we call them CNNs?) that he put his return address on the poisoned letters.

  56. 56
    Gin & Tonic says:

    “man sought as a possible suspect is a white male, wearing white baseball cap on backwards, a gray hoodie and a black jacket.”

    Cuz, you know, in Boston, during the school year, this narrows it down to, oh, only about 20% of the metro area’s population

  57. 57
    karen marie says:

    @RaflW: The way I heard it reported (on CNN) was that “it didn’t pass despite a Democrat majority.” What they failed to mention was that the bill passed by a majority but was defeated because Republicans force everything to pass by a super-majority.

  58. 58
    danimal says:

    Fox News justifiably gets the bulk of the hate around here, but for my money, CNN epitomizes everything that is wrong about the MSM. They can’t go bankrupt fast enough.

  59. 59
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Baud: I’m so old I can remember when that kind of thing was called a Slashdotting.

  60. 60
  61. 61
    Narcissus says:

    @4tehlulz: I had ass murder in my heart once

  62. 62
    beltane says:

    @danimal: Fox mainly preaches to the RW choir, CNN misinforms people who are attempting to learn about what’s going on in the world. This makes CNN more destructive even if slightly less obnoxious.

  63. 63
    beltane says:

    @Narcissus: I meant to say “mass murder”. Where did my “M” go?

  64. 64
    RaflW says:

    @karen marie: Exactly. I linked above to James Fallows, who (repeatedly) has deservedly banged on about how the press enables the Republicans by failing to explain the obvious, that (as Obama put it) 90% of Dem Senators voted yes, but a minority, namely 90% of Repubs, voted to gum up the works and kill the bills movement to a floor vote.

    I used to think the press believed the public too bovine to be able to follow senate procedural complexities. Now I think the press is itself to uncaring and vapid to bother.

  65. 65
    Gordon, the Big Express Engine says:

    Serious question: do people like king and blitzer et al know that they suck (but have the self awareness to realize that have a plum gig and are milking it) or do they actually believe they are excellent journalists?

  66. 66
    Omnes Omnibus says:


    I used to think the press believed the public too bovine to be able to follow senate procedural complexities. Now I think the press is itself to uncaring and vapid to bother.

    It is definitely the latter. Even if one doesn’t explain the details of a filibuster, one can make clear that the legislation was stopped by a procedural move by the minority.

  67. 67
    GregB says:

    Perhaps it is time for a CNN motto contest.

    CNN-These chickens aren’t going to fuck themselves.

    (Said in a deep James Earl Jones voice)

  68. 68
    Davis X. Machina says:

    @Gordon, the Big Express Engine: That question answers itself every other Friday — if they weren’t excellent they wouldn’t be so highly compensated, now would they?

  69. 69
    Calouste says:

    @Gordon, the Big Express Engine: The latter. Blitzer really is dim, see his “performance” on Jeopardy.

  70. 70
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist: The scary thing is that he is really working up a bunch of naive young lefties. They’re posting shit like “gun control is unimportant”. He’s totally fucking nader-baiting them on purpose and it’s working.


  71. 71
    beltane says:

    @Calouste: Was Wolf Blitzer the one who got his ass whooped by Cheech Marin or was that Anderson Cooper?

  72. 72
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Obama made it clear, but how many of us watched that?

  73. 73
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @Gin & Tonic: Good times.

  74. 74
    Villago Delenda Est says:


    The annual Sound to Narrows race in Tacoma has an entire time block set aside just for military formations running the course in formation.

  75. 75
    gwangung says:

    @Another Halocene Human: And CONTINUING to use the bully pulpit, hm?

  76. 76
    RareSanity says:

    @Gin & Tonic:

    I’m old enough to remember actually reading, first hand, CmdrTaco’s infamous first impression of the newly announced Apple iPod:

    “No wireless. Less space than a nomad. Lame.”

    Ah the good ole days of the internets…

  77. 77
    Gravenstone says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Apparently he’d sent oddball correspondence to Sen. Wicker’s office in the past. So he was on the authority’s radar early on.

  78. 78
    The prophet Nostradumbass says:

    @RareSanity: it’s been a long time since I’ve really looked at Slashdot. Is it still overrun with glibertarian idiots?

  79. 79
    waratah says:

    I was kind of hoping that John King would get thrown out with
    wash with the new head management.

  80. 80
    Bitter and Deluded Lurker says:

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Yes.

  81. 81
    Calouste says:

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: It’s a tech site, of course it is. They all are. Can’t read a lot of the comments on articles with a social angle on any tech site without sunglasses, the white male privilege is so blinding.

  82. 82
    Mike E says:

    I don’t have cable anymore, but everybody already knows CNN suuuuuucks. Awful. Take a brick with “CNN” written on it and bash yourself in the face, it’d be about the same as watching that dreck.

    Inside Edition did a fine wrap up of the day’s events, pointing out that the “tattered pants” dude running away may have been, oh I don’t know, scared shitless. My local tv news team still beats the “suspect” drum when showing his image. The tabloid show finished up the segment with analysis of the CNN fuck up, and succinctly done. 15 minutes worth that blew CNN’s doors off, effortlessly.

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