I see a lot of people are up in arms about the discourse surrounding recently deceased public figures. Glenn Greenwald has a piece up about the topic, and wingnuts are all up in arms about the issue. I even got an email from someone who said they will never read Balloon Juice again because they are mad about DougJ’s Michael Kelly post t he other day.
I guess it is time for me to weigh in on the topic since the topic is fresh and a very famous public figure has died, so let me be clear: Fuck Annette Funicello. I never liked her, she was overrated, and she always stepped on Karen Pendleton and Doreen Tracey.
If this kind of straight talking discourse upsets your delicate sensibilities, I’m sorry.
Trentrunner
Ah, the ole Balloon Juice switcheroo.
Eric U.
I’d be significantly less tempted to speak ill of the dead if things like the feeding frenzy of lying about dirtbags like Reagan and Tim Russert didn’t happen right after they died. Would we be cursed with Luke Russert if people had told the truth about Tim?
Politically Lost
Thank you John.
rea
This is your youth talking, John–Annette was far and way the cutest mouseketeer.
Hungry Joe
I’ve long believed that Annette actually did steal that necklace.* So there.
*Obscure Mouseketeer reference.
piratedan
oh sure and Avalon gets a pass from YOU? what a total misogynist you are….. good thing you like animals or else you’d be completely irredeemable, like an Avis coupon at Hertz.
kdaug
M-I-C, fuck you. Never got it.
Also, too, this.
You know that little finger-dance thing? Yeah. I’ll be over here.
Mike in NC
I read that she was once mean to Frankie Avalon, the little bitch!
David Koch
your attack on Funicello only betrays your issues with older women with power
Hillary/Harold Ford ’16!
Omnes Omnibus
@rea: What about Britney and Christina? Well?
Josie
Anyone who would quit reading Balloon Juice over DougJ’s post wasn’t understanding what they were reading in the first place. No great loss.
4tehlulz
Cubby > *
Deal with it.
Ira-NY
Plus, she ruined Moochie.
Steeplejack
Deborah Walley was the real heart of the beach movies!
Yutsano
Okay I LOLed. And fuck Maggie.
Omnes Omnibus
@Yutsano:
I would prefer not to.
Gmann
Wow, I thought this was going to be about Maggie Thatcher. . .
PeakVT
I even got an email from someone who said they will never read Balloon Juice again because they are mad about DougJ’s Michael Kelly post the other day.
That’s funny. I hope you sent this pic in response.
gbear
@rea: You’ve just made Bobby lose his smile.
AT
I promise to be very respectful when the blessed saint George W leaves this mortal coil…
David Koch
Someone should ask Mark Sanford’s Argentinian mistress what she thinks of Thatcher.
talk ’bout wedge issues.
Omnes Omnibus
@AT:
Well, more respectful than when someone finally puts a stake through Cheney’s heart.
YellowJournalism
What a loving tribute.
And fuck everyone who thinks differently: Back to the Beach was awesome. Now let’s have a pajama party to celebrate!
The Dangerman
@AT:
Hmmm, that reminds me, I need to start that high fiber diet…
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Funny stuff . I admire the Brits’ consistency in not falling for the gauzy sentimentality that Americans tend to fall into, especially when a pol dies. Not just Reagan but even Nixon, and even Bush II is already starting to get the “he wasn’t so bad…” treatment
People are so fucking weird.
Redshirt
@Omnes Omnibus: It’s armor plated. No wooden stake will do the job. You’ll need some tech to take down Mecha-Cheney.
Also too: Obama is made of cinnamon and spice and everything nice.
Mustang Bobby
Speaking as someone who remembers the original Mickey Mouse Club when it was aired first-run, Annette Funicello had more of an impact on my life than Margaret Thatcher.
srv
I am spectacularly lucky with big deaths, missing Reagan, Nixon and Russert deaths by being in vacation. Back country when Reagan went, must have been the last person on Earth to know.
If there’s someone else you are really looking forward to going to hell, I’m going to France the 2nd week of May.
Gmann
@Omnes Omnibus: The flesh or mechanical one ?
Joel
@Omnes Omnibus: or a magnet.
Cody
As a system of governance, Mousketeerism leaves a lot to be desired. Also, regardless of what John Cole said about my legs… I will still not speak badly of him if he dies from cirrhosis before I do.
ranchandsyrup
Do the kids still say IOKIYAR? The same dinguses (dingi?) that were giving ebert two thumbs up for dying are now clutching the fainting couch or something.
fuckwit
+1 for the “I’m sorry if anyone was offended” non-apology apology.
When scumbags die, I have no problem pointing out that they were scumbags. What I have a problem with is calling for scumbags to die, or to have violence visited upon them.
But once they’re dead, you know, fuck it, they’re DEAD ALREADY! Can’t do ’em any harm to point out that, well, they were scumbags.
Mustang Bobby
@srv: Wayne LaPierre comes to mind. Torn apart by squirrels.
piratedan
@Steeplejack: oh come on, without Don Rickles, really what have you got? Although I do have an understanding of why my Dad watched those films now…..
RubberCrutch
@Omnes Omnibus:
Won’t do any good. Cheney has a styrofoam cooler full of hearts.
kdaug
@AT: Don’t even get me started.
Poopyman
@Omnes Omnibus: You and Bartleby both.
And me too, come to think on it.
kdaug
@RubberCrutch: I believe it’s a man-sized safe.
Spaghetti Lee
Some Tory at the Greenwald link:
“Pygmies of the left so predictably embarrassing yourselves, know this: not a one of your leaders will ever be globally mourned like her.”
Wait ’til Mandela dies, shithead. Glad he’s outlived Reagan and Thatcher.
PeakVT
@AT: I would be very respectful if he promised to leave by the end of the week.
Okay, that’s a lie. There’s no possible way I could not cheer when W croaks.
piratedan
@Redshirt: my understanding is that Dick can only be done in by a redwood, since it’s a protected species, he understands that “no true liberal” would cut one down to finish him off and that would allow him to skulk back to his “Hole in the Wall” Lair in Wyoming.
LT
I hope you won’t mind too much that I have this filed under “Jokes I Saw Coming Eighty Millions Away.”
Ultraviolet Thunder
Cole, your genius shines again.
Well played, sir. Well played.
Thoughtcrime
@Omnes Omnibus:
When I think of Maggie, I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOxeH_OQpFw
Tod Kelly
This might be my favorite blog post ever. I believe that when God made blogs, he did so just for this moment.
Rex Everything
Jiff’s better than Skippy anyway.
Punchy
Whats Sully’s take on Margo’s dirt nap?
beltane
I haven’t been posting much lately but I just want everyone to know that it has nothing to do with front pagers being mean to horrible people who are dead and have no feelings to hurt, if these people even had feelings when they were living.
Did the Argentinian pope have any kind words to say on the occasion of Margaret Thatcher’s passing?
Karen in GA (who really needs a better name)
Bravo, Cole. Fuck her and the mouse she rode in on.
Actually, I remember the Mickey Mouse Club re-runs when I was little. I liked that there was a girl named Karen on the show. No idea why this was such a novelty to me — there were two other Karens on my block, and yet another two in my class at school. As I got older a pet peeve of mine has been trendy baby names like Ashley and Brittany and Madison and [whatever rhymes with Aidan]. For some reason, it’s only recently that I realized that my name was trendy when I was born, and now I’m saddled with an old aunt name. So I got a great big funny-looking slow loris tattooed on my arm. Midlife crisis FTW!
Brought to you by Digression, the new fragrance — because it’s all about me.
What a shame about Annette Funicelllo, though. Her last years weren’t easy. MS is a real MF, isn’t it.
Poopyman
Spaghetti Lee: I think the “Pygmies of the left” part is straight out of a Thatcher speech.
Yeah, she wanted you and me dead and/or destroyed, so fuck her.
IowaOldLady
I’ve never understood the whole I-won’t-read-your-blog-again-ever threat. I mean, so what?
pokeyblow
Annette paved the way for Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan, and countless other national treasures.
ChrisNYC
“I don’t believe in not speaking ill of the dead” is the new “I don’t have a tv.”
That said — Open your eyes and look at the UK papers Glenn Greenwald! You can start with the one you write for. People are speaking quite ill of Thatcher all the hell over the UK in editorials, on tv, in man on the street interviews. There are street parties in Glasgow and Brixton. It’s interesting. It’s educational. Real events happening but they do not get in because he has to drone on and on about his dumb hobbyhorses.
Suffern ACE
It is a good time to reasses those beach movies. Hopefully people will realize that Annette was just eye candy while Paul Lynde was the comic giant that made the whole thing work.
22over7
@Omnes Omnibus:
That’ll never work. Have to nuke him from orbit. Only way to be sure.
kevin the hen
OK so I guess I’m really losing my mind this time. When I heard she had died the first thing that I thought of was that she’d been a spokesperson in FLA for a big anti-gay/homophobe organization and so my first sentiment was with John – fuck her. But try as I might I can’t find a damn link…so am I nutso or am I confusing her with someone else?
TaosJohn
Ya blew it, man.
Suffern ACE
@kevin the hen: Anita Bryant?
Omnes Omnibus
@ChrisNYC: You have Greenwald’s take backwards.
Patricia Kayden
She supported the apartheid regime in South Africa and condemned Nelson Mandela as a terrorist while the man was in jail.
No tears for me. I feel no need to dance in the streets like some British/Scottish people are doing though.
Karen in GA (who really needs a better name)
@kevin the hen: I think you mean Anita Bryant.
SiubhanDuinne
Our former, and much-missed, commenter, EllaEsther (Emily Hauser) had a post today about why we should NOT, repeat NOT, use the terms “cunt” or “pussy” to refer to Margargaret Thatcher. Because defining women by their lady parts is offensive to all women.
And I agree. But I did ask her if she thought it would be okay for me to refer to Dick “Dick” Cheney by his first name. And she told me, go ahead. Loudly.
In keeping with my mother’s maxim, I’m saying nothing at all about Maggie Thatcher. But I admit to saving it up for that glorious day in the (hopefully very near) future when the lede on NPR is, “Good morning. Former Vice Predient Rcihard Cheney died during the night when his battery gave out. Cokie Roberts will share her insights. First, these headlines.”
SiubhanDuinne
@SiubhanDuinne:
Oops, forgot about the no-p*ssy rule.
maya
@Suffern ACE: Only get the Criterion editions.
Patricia Kayden
@Spaghetti Lee: That’s right. Although I expect Rightwingers will denounce him in their Christ-like manner.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@SiubhanDuinne: I’ll have a few unpleasant truths for the day Cokie Roberts goes to her reward (if only that were true).
and can I still call Cheney’s daughters the Dick Jrs?
Omnes Omnibus
@Patricia Kayden: There will be several people who call him a terrorist.
JWL
..my point having been, Cole, there’s nothing wrong with speaking ill of a definitively dead [John Cleesian] deceased parrot-like individual.
Quite the contrary.
It’s wishing them ill beforehand that will fuck you up every time.
Karmically speaking, that is.
Groucho48
@kevin the hen:
You’re thinking of Anita Bryant.
I had a big crush on her in her Mouseketeer days. Didn’t care for her in the various Beach movies. She wasn’t a very good actress or singer. But, from all accounts, she was a very decent human being who bore her illness with dignity and courage.
Msskwesq
I had no beef with Annette, Margaret on the other hand was a horrible nasty conservative.
trollhattan
I still want to be a fly on the Disney boardroom wall as they discussed the progressive filling out of Annette’s sweatshirt, and at what point they needed to remove her from the view of America’s prepubescent male audience.
The bastards.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
John,
You’re a cold blooded monster to see Annette is such black and white terms. She was a complex HUMAN, what is so hard to understand it. So what if some co stars got stepped on, Annette was about FREEDOM and FREEDOM never apologizes it breaks a few eggs to make it’s omelet.
ChrisNYC
@Omnes Omnibus: No I don’t think I do. I wrote a longer comment but it just disappeared.
Jeffro
Peter Coyne of The Godfathers was in on this early on Facebook…let me summarize…
“F*** that B*** and I can’t celebrate early enough…on my way to buy champagne…”
However, about Annette, he had no comment.
trollhattan
Also, too, I didn’t know until today that English Beat’s “Stand Down Margaret” was a shot at Thatcher. Too damn danceable for a political song, but well done anyway, lads.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-K6YWX4OL0o&feature=player_embedded
maya
Can’t wait for the prOn: Maggie, The Wicked Prime Minister, Maggie, The Shewolf of MI6 and Maggie, Harem Keeper of the Oil CEOs
anon
@David Koch:
LOL.
In the name of all that is holy, spare us of that!!
Omnes Omnibus
@ChrisNYC:
These are the closing sentences of Greenwald’s piece. He is not advocating being nice about the woman.
@trollhattan: The English Beat were proper lefties. Of course it is an anti-Thatcher song.
joel hanes
@kevin the hen:
Maybe you’re confusing Annette with former beauty queen, orange-juice spox, religious bigot, and prominent homophobe Anita Bryant
Ted & Hellen
My only problem with DougJ’s post is that if he is celebrating the fact of Michael Kelly’s death years ago because of his Iraq War cheerleading, why is he NOT publicly hoping for the death of the turds who really made it all happen, Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, et al.
Seems cowardly to pick on the peripheral turds.
James Gary
@trollhattan:
Seriously? I suppose I should also break it to you that the title character in the Kinks’ “Lola” is…a crossdressing man. Also, some people think there’s a hidden double meaning in the title of the Beatles’ “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” that refers to a certain popular hallucinogenic drug of the 1960s. I’ll leave it as an exercise for you to puzzle that one out. And did I mention that the Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit” isn’t really about Alice In Wonderland?
Mandalay
@Omnes Omnibus:
I don’t think so. Greenwald argued that the demand for respectful silence for Thatcher’s death was unwarranted, and I think the poster’s point was that Greenwald’s argument was not based in reality.
Few were demanding respect anyway, and there is plenty of evidence that the media and the public in Britain are definitely not being respectful about Thatcher’s death.
Greenwald’s column was published before it was even possible to reasonably measure public sentiment anyway. He cherry picked some lame comments to push his argument, and then built his strawman based on those lame comments.
Tomorrow Greenwald could write a column about how refreshing it was that Britain did not avoid criticizing Thatcher following her death. But he won’t because that would make the column he wrote today look like a pile of nonsense.
Ted & Hellen
@fuckwit:
But wishing someone were dead because they suck is not at all similar to making it so, unless as a thought crime.
Cygil
..my point having been, Cole, there’s nothing wrong with speaking ill of a definitively dead [John Cleesian] deceased parrot-like individual.
Don’t people understand that the appropriate way to speak of a recently deceased individual that you detested is with passive-aggressive thinly veiled snark that trashes the individual in question while giving yourself deniability against the accusation that you spoke ill of the dead?
Look, I’ll show you.
“Annette Funicello came into the public eye with her hit song, Pineapple Princess. Now, a music critic would say that this song was the aural equivalent of a root canal operation and that Annette’s voice was so bland and untutored that it struggled to span the interval between B and C flat. But while its true that nobody could accuse Annette of meeting conventional standards of musical talent, she brought joy to many fans to whom her obvious imperfections were of little consequence.”
danielx
Andrew Breitbart is still dead, and I still have nothing good to say about him.
Edit: and I suspect Cole is just fucking with us now.
El Cid
God bless you for “Fuck Annette Funicello,” it was among the only good surprises today.
Steeplejack
@piratedan:
I’ll occasionally catch one to check the musical acts. Ski Party (1965)–a groundbreaking variation in the genre–had Stan Getz and Astrid Gilberto (!), also the Animals. And James Brown in a ski sweater! Trippy.
Mandalay
@Ted & Hellen:
You have a point. Perhaps in the value set of some, it is fine to gloat about someone being dead, but sick and wrong to wish that someone was dead.
I don’t really see any distinction, but you are correct that nobody seems to go public on wishing that particular people were dead, even ripe targets like Rumsfeld and Cheney. It seems to be a bridge too far, even for the nutcases.
ChrisNYC
@Mandalay: Precisely! I wrote another comment that disappeared but yours does the trick. The coverage in the UK press was really interesting and strong in all directions. But Greenwald apparently wanted to unroll his “this terrible fealty to officialdom” line even though that was decidedly not going on.
danielx
Not to mention that publicly wishing for or calling for the death of people like that is an excellent way to cause visits from humorless men in dark suits.
blue48pw
Sorry, but Cole (at 40-something) is too young to have this strong an opinion on Annette. So says this 60-something female who adored Annette. My younger sister shared Cole’s admiration of Doreen, tho I never saw it. But Karen??? of Karen and Cubby?? Too cute by half. Was there really such a big audience for what was obviously a third-run kids’ show?
Cygil
@Ted & Hellen: But wishing someone were dead because they suck is not at all similar to making it so, unless as a thought crime.
Unfortunately, the issue is that the former sentiment is so often a thinly veiled code for the latter sentiment. Pray for someone’s death long enough, and you’ll convince yourself God has given you a mandate to make it happen.
Steeplejack
@maya:
LOL. Srsly. Blu-ray really brings out the production values.
Omnes Omnibus
@ChrisNYC: My take on the column was quite different. Our mileage obviously varies.
Omnes Omnibus
@Cygil:
Not for someone with an ability to separate reality and fantasy.
danielx
@efgoldman:
There most certainly was. Those were the days when the once-a-year network broadcast of the Wizard Of Oz was a highly anticipated big deal.
Mandalay
@danielx:
Is that really true? I understand that direct threats on public figures is (rightly) a no-no, but isn’t it just free speech to say “I wish that “X” would get a painful case of cancer of the cock and die slowly in agony for their role in “Z”?
Surely wishing that someone dies is quite distinct from threatening to kill them. Is it taboo or the law that holds people back from from doing it?
Redshirt
FYI: There’s no Hell.
Matt McIrvin
@blue48pw: I faithfully watched the original Mickey Mouse Club in syndicated reruns around 20 years after it originally aired, and I either didn’t know or didn’t care that it wasn’t a new show (I don’t think it much bothered my kid brain that it was in black and white). It was great entertainment as far as I was concerned.
Bob Thunhorst
Really? Picking on Funicello is straight talk? You’re all attitude John, just like that red-head for the NYT. Only you’re ugly BOTH inside and out.
John Cole
@Bob Thunhorst: Way to not get a joke, hero.
mclaren
I second your motion, Cole. Fuck Annette Funicello. I would sincerely like to have fucked Annette. Many times. In many positions.
FlipYrWhig
@ChrisNYC: I read it as you did: Greenwald wanting to unfurl the usual Greenwald flag about how he will not be silenced despite everyone else’s hostility and blinkered tribal loyalties, and wrapping it this time around Thatcher because that’s what happened to be in the news today. No matter who dies, the real mourning must be for Righteousness.
kt
@David Koch: Harold Ford? You’re kidding right? He doesn’t help anything by being serially misinformed and a shill for corporate interests. It’s hard to tell what the “D” means when it appears after his name.
Ramalama
Not just English Beat (though I love them too). There’s also Sinead O’Connor.
Paul in KY
@David Koch: Anyone would get to ‘count coup’ if they were able to ask that question of her at some meet & greet with ex-Gov Appalachain Trail!
Matt McIrvin
Curiously, the confusion between Annette Funicello and Anita Bryant seems to be quite common.
Paul in KY
@RubberCrutch: I hear they are baby hearts.
Paul in KY
@Ted & Hellen: I am publically hoping for their long, protracted & agonizing deaths.
Paul in KY
@Ramalama: Saw The English Beat back in Lexington last year. Great set, played all their hits.
Aaron Morrow
Darlene was a much better singer, but Annette looked better in a saloon girl costume.
Warren Ellis summed up the Thatcher years in Planetary as such:
“She wanted concentration camps for AIDS victims, wanted to eradicate homosexuality even as an abstract concept, made poor people choose between eating and keeping their vote, ran the most shameless vote-grabbing artificial war scam in fifty years…”
Trinity
I seriously love this place.
That is all.
LAC
@Mandalay: Well, I for one agree with Greenwald. I look forward to continuing to refer to him as a chinless fuck when he is laid to rest. With all due respect… :)
Teresa
My philosophy is just because someone dies does not mean their lives get an automatic rewrite.
If they were an asshole in life, then them dying didn’t change that.
Ramalama
@Paul in KY: What? They’re still together and touring? So so jealous!!
Paul in KY
@Ramalama: They are. Need to give their site a google & see if they are still over here.