My parents were not the world’s best parents; I’ve sometimes said that their greatest gift to us kids was their steadfast honesty that they weren’t very good at the whole ‘parenting’ thing. But whatever their flaws, at least I will never be forced to admit a genetic relationship to Susan A. Patton, President of the Princeton University Class of 1977. Caity Weaver reports for Gawker on the current fooferaw at the Last Redoubt of the Gentleman’s C:
If you are seeking your ideal life partner—and you are—you now know where to find him. He is the boy stretched out on the cool linoleum of a dusty back aisle in the library, quietly having a panic attack because his mother wrote a letter addressed to every girl he knows, trying to goad them into marrying him.
Susan A. Patton, President of the Princeton University Class of 1977 and proud Tiger Mom, is ready for you to be her daughter-in-law. Move fast, before some other lucky, lusty Tigress beats you to the prize.
On Friday, Princeton University’s student newspaper, the Daily Princetonian, published a page-and-a-half letter to the editor that might, in polite circles, be called “intriguing.” Everywhere else: batshit crazy and extremely offensive. Also, embarrassing!
Addressed to “the daughters I never had,” or, implicitly, the daughters she never ruined, the letter was penned by Susan A. Patton, proud Princeton alumna and mother of Princeton students…
What advice should Susan A. Patton, a successful businessperson and a member of the fifth class of women to graduate from what is undeniably the fanciest collection of buildings in New Jersey, pass down to the smart, driven young women who are her legacy? Should she advise them on selecting a career path? On the virtues of sisterhood? On the importance knowing and respecting yourself?…
Perhaps she should apprise them of the importance of spending the rest of their lives fucking one of her sons.
I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again – you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.…
Perhaps it will surprise you that Susan A. Patton, President of the Princeton University Class of 1977, is no longer married. But only, she insists, because her ex “went to a school of almost no name recognition… A school that nobody has respect for, including him, really.”
Apart from being grateful, once again, that our embarrassment-rich post-adolescent years were mostly pre-internet, what’s on the agenda for the weekend?