Late Night Open Thread

About an hour into the Hobbit, much later than I wanted to start it but I had to watch the Pens and then had to walk the dogs, so I may not finish the flick tonight, but I’ve come to the horrifying conclusion that even though I love the Elven enclaves, I probably would be happiest with a bunch of drunken dwarves.

In a short life, the dwarves have the right attitude.






80 replies
  1. 1
    Comrade Mary says:

    We accept you, John.

  2. 2
    Highway Rob says:

    Bombadil has the best drugs.

  3. 3
    Highway Rob says:

    Dwarves are fine if you just want beer, but if you want the best stuff, it’s at the House of Bombadil.

  4. 4
    eldorado says:

    i’m going to raise you liv tyler

  5. 5
    Highway Rob says:

    Sorry about the double (now triple) post. First time using the FYWP mobile version, and I botched it.

  6. 6
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Highway Rob: I’d go there only if I had noise-cancelling headphones. Fucking Bombadil.

  7. 7
    MoeLarryAndJesus says:

    It was said by Gimli that there are few dwarf-women, probably no more than a third of the whole people. They seldom walk abroad except at great need. They are in voice and appearance, and in garb if they must go on a journey, so like to the dwarf-men that the eyes and ears of other peoples cannot tell them apart. The Return of the King, 360 (App A)]

  8. 8
    RobertDSC-eMac 1.25 says:

    I’d prefer living in Hobbiton.

  9. 9
    Redshift says:

    Well, the elves don’t have to worry about that whole “short life” thing, so it stands to reason their culture would be less accessible.

    “Still the prettiest!”

  10. 10
    Highway Rob says:

    @Comrade Mary: It’s not Bombadil’s fault Tolkein’s a lousy lyricist. But what I’d forgotten was that he goes around with Goldberry, aka Riverdaughter, a name forever tainted by association with a puma deadender. So on second thought, let’s not go to Bombadil’s.

  11. 11
    Mike in NC says:

    Screw a bunch of hobbits. I’m going through Seasons 1 and 2 of Game of Thrones to tide me over for the start of Season 3 on the 31st.

  12. 12
    Linnaeus says:

    I’m glad you gave hockey the priority.

  13. 13
    Short Bus Bully says:

    John, you ARE a (Tolkien) dwarf in everything but stature.

  14. 14
    wmd says:

    Short life is why dwarves are more fun. When you’re an immortal elf no reason to carpe diem.

  15. 15
    burnspbesq says:

    Yo, Stuck.

    Robert Morris 59, Kentucky 57.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  16. 16
    Punchy says:

    I see Cyprus’ legy just bounced their Legalize Theft bill idea. Yup, the Cyprus Hill group just went sane in the membrane.

  17. 17
    ArlingtonRob says:

    John,

    It makes me smile that you’re a hockey fan.

    Greatest sport ever.

    Perhaps we’ll meet in the Cup final…
    …Blackhawk fan here.

  18. 18
    James Hare says:

    Chimera can’t score goals anymore AND he gives you guys the power play that won the game. Anybody want a slightly-used winger with low-ish miles and no puck luck?

  19. 19
    Yutsano says:

    @burnspbesq: Why do you make teh Ashley Judd cry?

  20. 20
    Suffern ACE says:

    @RobertDSC-eMac 1.25: hobbits are a bunch of gossips, but dwarves are a bit too sloppy. But both seem to have these metabolism a where you eat 8 meals a day. I don’t know if I could handle that for more than a weekend. Humans living there are bound to develop gout at the least.

  21. 21
    MikeJ says:

    @Yutsano: Any time Calamari loses we all win.

  22. 22
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    Nah, I’d still be an elf. I mean, mining? Farming? BLARGH! Sitting around with all your lovely pretty friends in lovely pretty buildings and NEVER DYING? BOO-YAH! Plus you can just head West when things get ugly.

    I may lack the necessary dignity and grace, though.

  23. 23
    scav says:

    Admit it. Dwarves would be all over the mustard (and vice versa). Not quite sure what the Elf condiment would be.

    ETA, oddly enough, I’m getting a horseradish vibe for hobbits. Maybe only certain families.

  24. 24
    SatanicPanic says:

    This is maybe my favorite take on why The Hobbit is better than LOTR- 2. Lots of dwarves

  25. 25
    Suffern ACE says:

    @scav: I’m not certain elves would need condiments. For some reason I’d expect them to believe that the food they made was perfect for you and wouldn’t bother to place condiments on the table. I think they might find it odd that you would want to alter the food.

  26. 26
    👽 Martin says:

    Dwarves don’t have cats. Elves have cats.

  27. 27
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @👽 Martin: Dwarves Cats don’t have cats Dwarves. Elves Cats have cats Elves.

    Fixed for accuracy.

  28. 28
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Suffern ACE: actually, elves might go in big for stuff called “special sauce” or “secret dip”, but would get very angry if you said “this is thousand island dressing with bacon bits” if you guessed correctly right off the bat.

  29. 29
    Yutsano says:

    @MikeJ: Mmm…calamari. What were we talking about again?

    @arguingwithsignposts: Elves make great cat slaves. Better than hairless apes anyway.

  30. 30
    Redshirt says:

    Poor dwarves. It’s not their fault. Blame Aule.

  31. 31
    Chris says:

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    “You can just head west when things get ugly.” LOL. I always thought the Elves were the Americans of Tolkien’s universe; yeah, they’d fight in the wars, but even if all was lost, they could still pack up, get onto their ships and go to the other side of the ocean while Middle Earth burned.

  32. 32
    Anne Laurie says:

    @👽 Martin:

    Dwarves don’t have cats. Elves have are cats.

    Fixteth, sirrah.

  33. 33
    Suzanne says:

    I took the dog for her shots tonight and it took forever and I am tired.

  34. 34
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Suffern ACE:

    For some reason I’d expect them to believe that the food they made was perfect for you and wouldn’t bother to place condiments on the table. I think they might find it odd that you would want to alter the food.

    Elves are French?

  35. 35
    David Koch says:

    Robert Morris 59, Kentucky 57.

    This is Obama’s fault

  36. 36
    PeakVT says:

    The agricultural economy of any fantasy series is, well, a bit fantastic.

  37. 37
    p.a. says:

    I want to be Folco Boffin.

  38. 38
    David Koch says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Elves are French?

    Mr Peabody: “Really Sherman, you’ve never heard of the French Alps?”

  39. 39
    MikeJ says:

    @David Koch: Obama akbar.

  40. 40
    Redshirt says:

    Hey, Tolkien buffs: Did an Elf and Dwarf ever hook up?

  41. 41
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Redshirt: If they did, it was on the downlow.

  42. 42
    ruemara says:

    I couldn’t live with dwarves, too sloppy. A decent hobbit home sounds about right, but I wouldn’t turn down the Last Homely House at all.

  43. 43
    PeakVT says:

    @Redshirt: I think the only cross-“species” relationships were human/elf.

  44. 44
    NotMax says:

    @Omnes Omnibus

    Succinctly put. That is the long and the short of it.

  45. 45
    scav says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: M’sieur, Les French, ze very well put ze moutarde on ze table. Poupon, zat sounds to you kraut? ! Vive Maille, la moutarde qui Aille!

  46. 46
    ruemara says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Pretty sure Gimli and Legolas were long-term companions.

  47. 47
    TheMightyTrowel says:

    Dwarves do it in the dark?
    Dwarves do it in deep shafts?
    Dwarves do it dirtier?
    Dwarves do it with big swords?

  48. 48
    Morzer says:

    @Redshirt:

    Ah, so you don’t know the real backstory to the birth of the Hobbit race…

  49. 49
    Redshirt says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Awww yeahhh. You know they did. Some hot night in Khazad-Dum, the music loud, the drink flowing, the torches all smokin’ n’ shit. Awww, yeaahhhh.

  50. 50
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    @TheMightyTrowel:

    Dwarves do it too greedily and too deep.

  51. 51
    NotMax says:

    @TheMightyTrowel

    Q: Why was the dwarven tavern raided?

    A: They were caught serving miners.

  52. 52
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    @scav:

    I assume the preferred Orcish condiment would be mayonnaise. Foul, brutish creatures…

  53. 53
    Yutsano says:

    @Spaghetti Lee: Mayo is the condiment of Mordor. Foul evil stuff that is. We hates it precioussss.

  54. 54
    PeakVT says:

    Question for any physics buffs or teachers. I’ve been trying to understand the current state of cosmology – dark energy, the metric expansion of space, and the like. While it may be true, I must admit it I find it decidedly weird compared to what I first learned in the late 1980s. Are the newer theories being taught to high school students?

  55. 55
    MikeJ says:

    @Yutsano: You don’t like aioli?

    Good mayonnaise is good. Most mass produced condiments don’t taste anything like they’re supposed to.

  56. 56
    magurakurin says:

    @PeakVT:

    I think the only cross-”species” relationships were human/elf.

    Weren’t the men of Bree shorter than most and suspected of having halfling blood in them?

    Also, too, the Uruk-hai were suspected to be a product of the breeding of orcs with men.

  57. 57
  58. 58
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Yutsano: I think they’d go with miracle whip. They live under a volcano. The mayo would spoil quickly in the radiant heat.

    @Omnes Omnibus: not exactly French. I mean, elves just eat salad. I think French elves would have more than one course. At the same time, they apologize to the dwarves for only having salad. Although you can kind of tell they don’t mean it and take pleasure in the way the circumstances have made their guests suffer. They might be German.

  59. 59
    👽 Martin says:

    @MikeJ:

    You don’t like aioli?

    I never expected that the world would reveal a hipster mayonnaise, but it did. I should have expected it after McBargle revealed hipster salt. I’ll know better next time.

  60. 60
    PeakVT says:

    @magurakurin: Good points. I had forgotten about those cases.

  61. 61
    scav says:

    @Suffern ACE: Miracle Whip closer for Orcs. Or that vile plastic cheese on fake nachos.

  62. 62
    Yutsano says:

    @MikeJ: One of these days I MIGHT make my own. It’s not exactly hard, but I don’t really have a decent blender to do it with. It’s on the list of things to buy once I have a bigger kitchen. Which might be sooner rather than later. Aioli is okay but it’s never garlicky enough in restaurants.

    @👽 Martin: To be fair, aioli is a classic Italian condiment. It’s just massively bastardised in the US.

  63. 63
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Redshirt:

    Hey, Tolkien buffs: Did an Elf and Dwarf ever hook up?

    I vaguely remember, from the mid-1970s, a very serious German article in the very serious Tolkien studies journal arguing that JRR intended the hobbits to be the ‘debased’, naturalised-to-common-clay descendants of the dwarven-species, just as humans were the ‘debased’ descendents of the elves. This was before the Silmarillion, of course…

  64. 64
    👽 Martin says:

    Curious. Suspicions that NK has launched a cyber attack on SK news outlets and banks. Man, I hope that’s not true.

  65. 65

    @Yutsano:

    To be fair, aioli is a classic Italian condiment. It’s just massively bastardised in the US.

    Actually, it’s from Provence.

    That said, the idea that it’s a “hipster mayonnaise” is pretty funny.

  66. 66
    Thor Heyerdahl says:

    After reading the 10 years post by Soonergrunt it made me wish that Steve Gilliard was still alive to deliver a literary katana-like evisceration of all those who still feel that the invasion was correct.

    His writing style of “I said what I meant and I meant what I said” is a motto to live by.

    I loved his work, and he was prescient on everything about the Iraq invasion.

    Gilliard dead but Cheney, Rumsfeld, Perle, Wolfowitz et al. still alive…there is no justice.

    RIP Steve

  67. 67
    👽 Martin says:

    @Yutsano:

    To be fair, aioli is a classic Italian condiment.

    No, I fully understand that. Been eating it since I was a kid in NYC but nobody ever pointed out ‘hey, we put aoili on this. Oooh.’ You just didn’t slap it on every goddamn thing just to prove you’re too hip for mayo, which is pretty much what’s happening now.

  68. 68
    👽 Martin says:

    @Thor Heyerdahl: FTFY!

  69. 69
    MikeJ says:

    @👽 Martin:

    You just didn’t slap it on every goddamn thing just to prove you’re too hip for mayo, which is pretty much what’s happening now.

    Which is why I always point out aioli when the uncultured start talkin’ smack about mayo.

  70. 70
    scav says:

    @MikeJ: And actual mayo still gets lost in the shuffle. I’ve made it, but had some Spanish friends just whisk it up in a copper bowl, Properly done there is nothing wrong with it. Copper bowl not necessary, It just is possible.

  71. 71
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Thor Heyerdahl: Yes. Very much yes. I used to start my day’s blog reading with Gilliard.

  72. 72
    Schlemizel says:

    The dwarfs were screwed over by bad PR. They did all the work of mining the precious metals but the elves cheated them out of it and then wrote songs about how bitter and mean the dwarves were. The elves stand in the back and shoot arrows while they send the dwarves armies up front to hack and hew with close up weapons that do the real work of defeating the enemy. Then they pen epic poems about elvish bravery and tell humiliating jokes at the dwarves expense.

    The dwarves are greedy? Gee, do you think after getting screwed out of your hard labor by people who think they are better than you their desire for a fair shake is greed? The dwarves are sullen & angry? Gee, do you think after generations of doing the dirty work while the pretty boys get all the glory their might be some PSTD mixed in with resentment for not being recognized?

    Of course you would have a better time with the dwarves, once they got to know you and trusted you were not about to steal from them or get them killed unnecessarily they would be great fun to be with. Hard workers make hard partiers.

    BTW – I am working on this as a premise for a fantasy novel – what do you think?

  73. 73
    Highway Rob says:

    @Schlemizel: We didn’t land on Erebor. Erebor landed on us!

  74. 74
    Steeplejack (tablet) says:

    Orcs like ketchup. Duh.

  75. 75
    Feudalism Now! says:

    Wood elves would be best. Not too hotly toity, but willing to party in different random spots of an evil haunted wood. All the parties are invitation only, however, and their bouncers are giant spiders.
    The House of Beorn would rock too, if I were a vegetarian.

  76. 76
    Schlemizel says:

    @Highway Rob:

    I may steal that concept if I ever figure out how to tell the story that is half-formed in my head right now!

    I desperately want to write an alternative history that contradicts the comfortable images from popular lit. The decent dwarf’s struggle against underhanded, elitist elves who happen to be ‘prettier’ is one. I have another from the viewpoint of a kid who joins the space marines to save the empire from the violent terrorist and religious fanatical Jedi (who take children away from their families very young to be indoctrinated in schools) is another.

    My problem is making them complete stories.

  77. 77
    rea says:

    Dwarven girls have big bushy beards. Need I say more?

  78. 78
    Matt McIrvin says:

    You’re not supposed to want to be an elf. The elves have got the wrong idea; Tolkien was pretty clear on that.

  79. 79
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @PeakVT:

    Question for any physics buffs or teachers. I’ve been trying to understand the current state of cosmology – dark energy, the metric expansion of space, and the like. While it may be true, I must admit it I find it decidedly weird compared to what I first learned in the late 1980s. Are the newer theories being taught to high school students?

    I don’t know if they are or not. But, actually, the fundamental physical ideas involved in all this new stuff were already well-known by the late 1980s: it’s 1915 general relativity and something similar or identical to Einstein’s cosmological constant, used in a way that resembles inflationary cosmology, which emerged in the 1980s. The ideas didn’t filter down to introductory classes, though.

  80. 80
    2liberal says:

    @Matt McIrvin:

    You’re not supposed to want to be an elf. The elves have got the wrong idea; Tolkien was pretty clear on that.

    Pratchett doesn’t like elves either.

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