Ratz All, Folks! (Open Thread)


So the Pope flew off in the papal helicopter, and once the Swiss Guard closed the door of the opulent castle to which he repaired, he officially ceased being the Pope. I bet he’ll miss those colorful uniforms. I am not now nor have I ever been a Catholic, but it’s strange to hear of the Pope flying off to exile like Richard Nixon.

99 replies
  1. 1
    aimai says:

    I’m so upset about Alabama’s new law outlawing abortion after “fetal heartbeat” that I could just spit. Even knowing the Pope has left the building isn’t sufficient to lift my spirits.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    LGRooney says:

    Tim Minchin

    So fuck the motherfucker and fuck you motherfucker
    If you’re still a motherfucking papist (fucking motherfucker)
    If you covered for a single motherfucker who’s a kiddie fucker,
    Fuck the motherfucker he’s as evil as the rapist
    And if you look into your motherfucking heart and tell me true
    If this motherfucking stupid fucking song offended you
    With its filthy fucking language and its fucking disrespect
    If it made you feel angry go ahead and write a letter

    But if you find me more offensive than the fucking possibility
    The pope protected priests when they were getting fucking fiddly
    Then listen to me motherfucker, this here is a fact
    You are just as morally misguided as that motherfucking
    Power-hungry, self-aggrandised bigot in the stupid fucking hat

  4. 4


  5. 5
    runt says:

    Yoda, eh? Well, it would be interesting to have a younger pope for once.

  6. 6
    Rosalita says:

    Actually it reminded me more of when King Bush II lifted off from the White House… as someone who grew up Catholic, I find all of this pope drama by the news ridiculous.

  7. 7
    gbear says:

    Did everyone sing Sha Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye! like they did when Bush & Cheney’s helecopter left after Obama’s first inauguration? That was such a super super sweet moment. The crowd was so damned happy to watch them go away.

  8. 8
    Big R says:

    @LGRooney: Tell us how you really feel, home slice.

  9. 9
    Thoughtcrime says:

    My sources tell me Father Guido Sarducci has the inside track.

  10. 10
    Alison says:

    @aimai: Is that the one the governor vetoed and then the state senate overrode? Fuckers.

  11. 11
    beltane says:

    By choosing to go out in this way, Ratzinger has inadvertently diminished the status of the papacy far more effectively than any critics of the church could ever have done.

  12. 12
    MikeJ says:

    @Alison: That was in Arkansas, wasn’t it? Did Alabama pass one too?

  13. 13
    Roger Moore says:

    When 900 80 years old you reach, vote for Pope you cannot.

  14. 14
    SFAW says:


    My sources tell me Father Guido Sarducci has the inside track.

    Well, MY sources tell me that the next Pope will be one L. Westminster “Plucky” Purcell. Especially because he already knows the innards of the Vatican so well.

  15. 15
    kindness says:

    Let me guess….The ex-Pope flew off to the Dominican Republic to relax and enjoy the underage sex workers view?

  16. 16
    WereBear says:

    the Pope flying off to exile like Richard Nixon.

    Prescient, that is.

  17. 17
    Hill Dweller says:

    Aside from attending Baptist church services in my childhood/adolescence, I’ve never had much use for religion. But what seeped through my thick skull tells me all that opulence seems to run counter to the religion they’re espousing/teaching.

    Also, too, the child molesting can’t help.

  18. 18
    Felonius Monk says:

    Better that the College of Cardinals Pedophiles elects a woman as Pope because the House of God needs a good cleaning!

  19. 19
    raven says:

    @Thoughtcrime: Picka-da-pope-a-da-pizza

  20. 20
    Alison says:

    @MikeJ: Ugh, was it? SO HARD TO KEEP TRACK of all the fetus-fetishists.

  21. 21
  22. 22
    Mike E says:

    Wait, Yoda’s dead…isn’t he up for saint-hood by now?

  23. 23
    Yutsano says:

    @WereBear: Seen, what you have done has been.

    BTW every statement Yoda says is grammatically correct.

  24. 24
    YellowJournalism says:

    Helicopter? Aw, I was hoping he’d fly away in the Popemobile like Danny and Sandy at the end of Grease.

    I don’t know if he was the creepiest-looking Pope ever, but he was up there. We went from Everybody’s Grandpa to Senator Palpatine.

  25. 25
    Culture of Truth says:

    Frost / Benedict

  26. 26
  27. 27
    BGinCHI says:

    Breathless coverage on MSNBC.

    Just pathetic.

  28. 28
  29. 29
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    When I stepped into the shower, the world had pope when I stepped out, the world was pope-less.

    See, now was that so hard. Take your time finding a aged old guy replacement.

  30. 30
    raven says:

    @BGinCHI: What? There’s a lot of mackerel snappers around!

  31. 31
  32. 32
    scav says:

    weirdness. My helicopter image flashback was to the fall of Saigon.

  33. 33
    Roger Moore says:

    @TaMara (BHF):

    When I stepped into the shower, the world had pope when I stepped out, the world was pope-less.

    I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
    I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
    I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
    And send him on his way.

  34. 34
    👽 Martin says:

    @aimai: California and New York should pass laws requiring people planning to move to Alabama to have an ultrasound taken of their head and have to listen to a little speech from their physician about possible health risks associated with living there.

  35. 35
    Tom Levenson says:

    Gotta say. Make fun of the Swiss Guard unit all you want, but I’ve been up close and I can tell you that there is nothing medieval about the submachine guns they carry.

  36. 36
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Tom Levenson: I just like their morion helmets.

  37. 37
  38. 38
    TooManyJens says:

    @TaMara (BHF):

    When I stepped into the shower, the world had pope when I stepped out, the world was pope-less.

    Does your shower look like a British police box?

  39. 39
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Tom Levenson: I’ve never seen the Swiss Guard in person, but I figured some of them had to be carrying a weapon besides a pike. Personally, I wish all military uniforms were similarly whimsical.

  40. 40
    Summer says:

    I’m willing to highly recommend this guy “As your website notes, the role of Pope includes “Guiding the College of Cardinals, and the masses.” Through my participation in the Freshman Buddy Program, I have helped many younger students through difficult situations, including homesickness and mono.I feel like it is important to give back, a value I believe any organization would appreciate in their Pope.” I think he definitely has the right spirit.

    Posted this in an earlier thread but I don’t think anyone saw it.

  41. 41
    Culture of Truth says:

    Michelangelo designed those uniforms!

    And apparently they do carry weapons and must be trained. and Swiss, catholic and single.

  42. 42
    Schlemizel says:


    The employee from the Van Independent School District had stayed for one-on-one training after class with the concealed handgun license training instructor on Tuesday when a mechanical malfunction with his weapon caused his gun to misfire. The bullet ricocheted, striking the employee


    Feel safer yet?

  43. 43
    Jane2 says:

    “Exile” is the right word…follow the money.

  44. 44
    JenJen says:

    Possibly the best Twitter comment ever, via Simon Maloy:

    “Hi, I’m Joseph Ratzinger, and I’d like to tell you about the benefits of a reverse mortgage.”

  45. 45
    beltane says:

    @Culture of Truth: The uniforms are quite lovely. The history of Swiss mercenary troops in southern Italy is somewhat less cute and cuddly than most people realize.

    I recommend the movie “We Have a Pope”. It is on Netflix and is very timely and funny.

  46. 46
    shortstop says:

    @JenJen: That’s pretty damn tasty.

  47. 47
    Trollhattan says:

    Yet more evidence we’re in a post-racial America.


    Am still rubbing my eyes and uttering “holy shit.”

    Also, too, what’s the commie version of Godwin’s Law, because Dana Perino went there.

    Somewhere in Moscow tonight, Vladimir Putin saw that Bob Woodward was sent a threatening message from the White House…and he smiled.

    Yes, because Putin murders journalists, lots of journalists, the White House is JUST LIKE HIM.


  48. 48
    shortstop says:

    @TooManyJens: Awesome.

  49. 49
    patroclus says:

    In the Presbyterian Church of the USA, we change moderators of the General Assembly every two years and we do it democratically on the basis of one-person one-vote and we don’t get nearly the amount of coverage the Papist child molesters get.

  50. 50
    shortstop says:

    @Trollhattan: I am speechless at that cover. Speechless.

  51. 51
    geg6 says:

    Ex-Catholic here and I think the whole fucking church could fly off and disappear and the world would be a better place. The only thing I find strange is that this bastard is flying off to live in luxury until he croaks (and hopefully, that will happen slowly and painfully) when he should be rotting in prison for the rest of his miserable life.

  52. 52
    SFAW says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I just like their morion helmets

    Mormon helmets? Shouldn’t they be guarding Mittens instead of the Pope?

  53. 53
    beltane says:

    @Trollhattan: I had to check the date of that cover because it looks like something from the 1870s. Also, didn’t Dana Peroxide’s boss peer into Putin’s eyes and declare him a good man? She is but a sad, stupid hack.

  54. 54
    Redshirt says:

    I’ve got the inside scoop here.

    Teaser: It’s gonna be a reality show!

  55. 55
    JenJen says:

    Open thread?? COOL! I get to post again that the Montreal Canadiens are LEADING THE EAST!

    Not sure how much longer I’ll be able to post my exuberant joy, so please tolerate me.

  56. 56
    DonT says:

    @Big R:

    I think he’s holding something in. It’s not good; it may upset his stomach.

  57. 57
    Trollhattan says:


    Oh yeah, really supah safe. From (you can’t make this shit up) Galt, California.

    Galt elementary district OKs gun safety course for teachers, staff
    Thursday, February 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
    Teachers and school staff in the Galt Joint Union Elementary School District will be offered training in how to handle and fire a gun through a partnership with the Galt Police Department.


    If I lived there, I’d pull my kid until they knocked this nonsense off.

  58. 58
    brantl says:

    …Pope flying off to exile like Richard Nixon.

    The money quote, right there.

  59. 59
    Roger Moore says:


    If I lived there, I’d pull my kid until they knocked this nonsense off.

    You want to home school until they’re ready for college?

  60. 60
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:


    Am still rubbing my eyes and uttering “holy shit.”

    Don’t despair. In the box at the bottom titled “Slate’s most viral” there are two other articles:

    Supermassive Black Hole Found Spinning Nearly at the Speed of Light
    Woodward Goes Wingnut

    Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

  61. 61

    Yikes. Some enterprising CCW holder in FL chased down a shoplifter and fired at his vehicle to “mark it for police” and was terribly surprised that he got arrested.

  62. 62


    He’ll have to wait in line after Rush Limbaugh…

  63. 63
    Roger Moore says:

    It’s hard to stand your ground when you’re chasing after the dude.

  64. 64
    Ben Franklin says:

    Two weeks ago, Wal-Mart stunned the world when a leaked memo discloses that February sales had been a “total disaster” and the company was facing the worst February start since 2006. Today, Bloomberg’s deep throat in Bentonville strikes again, as a new leak emerges. “Wal-Mart Stores Inc (WMT), already struggling to woo shoppers constrained by higher taxes, is “”getting worse” at keeping shelves stocked, the retailer’s U.S. chief told executives, according to minutes of an officers’ meeting obtained by Bloomberg News. “We run out quickly and the new stuff doesn’t come in,” U.S. Chief Executive Officer Bill Simon said, according to the minutes of the Feb. 1 meeting. Simon called “self-inflicted wounds” Wal-Mart’s “biggest risk” and said an executive vice president had been appointed to fix the restocking problem, according to the minutes.”


    The cover story is silly. Wal-Mart has had auto-replenishment of inventory for more than a decade.

  65. 65

    @Roger Moore: Heh. A weapon unused is a useless weapon. So they’ll play junior policeman.


  66. 66
    Betty Cracker says:

    @ranchandsyrup: “Stand Your Ground” has turned FL into the Wild West. I’d find it hilarious if I didn’t have to live among yahoos with hand-cannons in every shopping center.

  67. 67
    kindness says:

    @Certified Mutant Enemy: You sir are winner of the intertubes today. Apparently no one else remembers.

  68. 68
    Trollhattan says:

    @Roger Moore:

    Hey now, I have hardly any problem correcting her 5th grade math, so there’s that going for me.

    Because schools lose $ every day a kid is out it would be pretty easy for parents to put a halt to this lunacy, but knowing Galt I’m not sure there will be much of an outcry.

  69. 69
    Calouste says:

    @Roger Moore:

    Also, most people when they have the time and sight to fire a shot at a car, would be able to identify some of the car’s characteristics, like color, make, type and possibly model.

  70. 70

    @Betty Cracker: The only thing I find hilarious about this is that the guy was so surprised that committing a felony to prevent a misdemeanor will get his butt some jail time.

    Stay safe down there Betty. :)

  71. 71
    Gravenstone says:

    @Trollhattan: I found it appropriate that the artwork made the title look like it read “Businessweak”.

  72. 72
    Schlemizel says:


    The undefeated Gopher hockey team begins league play offs Tomorrow. I have my fingers crossed that the last 42 games are not setting us up for the Patriot season. They just need to win 7 in a row now.

  73. 73

    No one, not even Sheriff Joe can escape the karmic noodly appendage of the FSM. I was rooting for injuries and I gots one.

  74. 74
    Mnemosyne says:


    As with so many of the Florida stories, the guy’s mistake was not killing the shoplifter. If he had, he would have walked free.

    That’s what’s so fucked up about Florida’s SYG law in particular — you can walk away with no charges if you kill the person, but if you only wound them or damage their property, you’re a felon.

  75. 75
    LanceThruster says:

    I awoke with MSNBC on this AM to the sight of pope-once-was choppering to his Fortress of Solitude (why does a guy whose very life is spent cut off from the real world need so much “me” time?).

    I am an ex-Catholic-turned-atheist and I still try to wrap my head around that whole ‘vow of poverty’ thing.

  76. 76

    @Mnemosyne: All of these junior policemen think they are marksmen but really shoot like they’re part of the “A Team”.

  77. 77
    jayjaybear says:

    Apparently, Blizzard forced the resignation of the Pope. They found out through player feedback that raid groups were getting bored of “Vault of the Pedophiles” because the last boss fight (Joe the Rat) was too easy. So they retired him and are apparently going to unveil the new boss sometime in late March. I’ve heard rumors they’re revamping the Rat fight and making him the penultimate boss, under the new name “Emeritus”. No rumors about who the new final boss is going to be, though.

  78. 78
    gelfling545 says:


    Sha Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye!

    What would that be in Latin?

  79. 79
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Roger Moore:


  80. 80
    jayjaybear says:

    @gelfling545: Sha na na na na na, ave ave ave, vale. (pronounced “away, away, away, walay”)

  81. 81
    gelfling545 says:

    @raven: Everybody say his own Kyrie Eleison! Vatican Rag was very popular among my friends of my (Catholic) youth.

  82. 82
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    so please tolerate me.

    Maia oui, certainement, sans doute. Pas de problème.

  83. 83
    Yutsano says:


    (I shan’t tire of saying that.)

  84. 84
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Is it wrong of me to hope it’s a very painful break?

  85. 85
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    FY auto correct. Mais, not Maia.

  86. 86
    Yutsano says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Merci beaucoup, madame. :)

  87. 87

    @SiubhanDuinne: Nope. My FSM is a vengeful FSM.

  88. 88
    Maude says:

    @Ben Franklin:
    Wall Mart cut down on products that they sell. They are having problems restocking some shelves. Some shelves have no product.
    Wall Mart is not as powerful as it once was back when.

  89. 89
    cokane says:

    Caught in his own molestation scandal yoda was.

    “Good blow this is!”

  90. 90
    JenJen says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Merci!

    @Yutsano: Squeeeeee! Les Habitants!! I seriously can’t believe this is happening. I might just go taunt a Bruins fan. Too soon?

    In other news, I just ordered a copy of “The Obamacare Survival Guide” from that commercial on the teevee (not really). We’ll have to share. I’m not sure what I will learn, except TYRANNY of course.

  91. 91
    Paul Harrington says:

    Holy Watergate (h/t Julie)

  92. 92
    SFAW says:


    Careful. My daughter is a heavy-duty Bruins fan, it would be unwise to taunt Happy Fun Ball her. (Not sure why, though.)

    Of course, she’s not such a blind follower that she wasn’t blazingly pissed at Timmy Thomas when he snubbed the Kenyan Mooslim Usurper. (My daughter, FSM bless her, is also a raging liberal.)

  93. 93
    Brachiator says:


    I awoke with MSNBC on this AM to the sight of pope-once-was choppering to his Fortress of Solitude (why does a guy whose very life is spent cut off from the real world need so much “me” time?).

    I get the impression that Benedict will be subject to a kind of living death with benefits. There can be only one pope, with all the authority, etc. Even as an Emeritus, Benedict cannot have any influence, cannot offer substantive advice on any church matters, and cannot deflect any of the popularity and stuff that will attend the new pope. Even the little stuff like his being unable to wear the red shoes is meant not to diminish him (he cannot become a mere cardinal again), but to set him apart from power, but still somehow maintain the idea that he still retains some papal honor.

    I’m not a Catholic or religious in the least, but I find it fascinating how they are trying to juggle status and irrelevancy for Benny.

    Yoda, eh? Well, it would be interesting to have a younger pope for once.

    It will never happen, but it would be wild if the new pope selected the name Pope Obi Wan.

    And Yoda would screw with people by electing to become Pope Jar Jar I.

  94. 94
    JenJen says:

    @SFAW: Hey, I’m all about the Original Six. Just not the Bruins, or the Maple Leafs.

    I like your daughter already, Bruins fanship aside. :-) This is hard for me.

  95. 95
    SFAW says:


    I like your daughter already, Bruins fanship aside

    Me, too. (Although I’m a Rangers/Isles/Devils-with-Marty kind of guy.)

  96. 96
    Uncle Cosmo says:


    Didn’t Dana Peroxide’s boss peer into Putin’s eyes and declare him a good man?

    Why, yes. Yes he did.

    At the same time that Putin stared into her boss’s eyes & saw– whatever was behind the back of aforementioned boss’s head.

  97. 97
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    BTW, has anyone seen a betting line on the next guy to plant his tukhis on Pete’s throne?

    If the odds are favorable on Odilo Pedro Scherer of São Paulo I would be sorely tempted to put down a few quid. And I’m not normally a wagering kinda guy. OPS just checks off too many good-PR boxes while having neither background nor chops to threaten anyone involved in the systemic depravity at the heart of the Church.

  98. 98
    SFAW says:

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    I’d put down a few bucks on Fred Phelps. With the odds I’d get, I could probably retire if he gets in.

    Of course, his reign would probably be shorter than JP1’s was. Seems like a win-win scenario!

  99. 99
    rikyrah says:

    it’s like the Pope just said ‘ DEUCES’ to the church.

    I still can’t believe you can just up and give God a ‘two week notice’.

Comments are closed.