Today is my husband’s birthday. Awhile back, I asked him what he wanted as a birthday present, and he said, “A worm farm.” I ordered one, and it arrived today.
The box says “composting worm bin system,” and it supposedly produces excellent potting soil and something gardening-related that is called “worm tea.” I don’t want to know anything more about the worm tea.
This may have been the weirdest present I’ve ever purchased for someone. Have you ever given or received anything odder than a worm farm? If so, what?
Southern Beale
My sister gave me a vacuum cleaner for my birthday once and it was the BEST present ever because I really needed a vacuum cleaner and didn’t want to spend the money to buy one. I’d rather spend my money on something fun, so the fact that I got a great vacuum cleaner without having to spend money on it was awesome.
Also, it was the best vacuum cleaner ever. I had it for about 12 years until it finally conked out on me.
Now, if my husband had given me a vacuum cleaner I’d probably have conked him over the head with it.
Tom65
Nope. You win.
Omnes Omnibus
No.
some guy
somebody knew I really liked the Tubes, so I was once given a baby’s arm holding an apple.
ranchandsyrup
My wife and I got a cattle skull (with still decomposing flesh on it) for a wedding gift to “decorate our back yard”.
Poopyman
Horseshit, and I’d really like to have that present again before my birthday, which is in June and totally late for compost to cure during the growing season.
And a worm farm would be just fine by me, too, although Mrs. P may not be so appreciative if it were kept in the house. (Yeah, I know that escapees are rare, ‘cuz really, what else does a worm need that’s not already in the bin?)
Joey Maloney
(Received) A Fleshlight. And not just any Fleshlight, the gay Fleshlight. (Looks like a butthole instead of a hoo-ha.)
OzarkHillbilly
Funny, I am working on building my own worm farm right now. As far as worm tea goes, it is just worm castings steeped in water. Great for the veggies.
The Red Pen
There are worse things for sale.
Violet
I’d love a worm farm as a gift.
dmsilev
@ranchandsyrup: Writing that thank-you note must have been an interesting experience.
Betty Cracker
@Poopyman: Oh Jesus. I made the assumption that the worms would be kept outside. And they WILL be.
Litlebritdifrnt
Ha Betty that reminds me of Mil Millington and his girlfriend
Margret’s a great deal like me. At least this year my DH got me all the gardening stuff I wanted.
Cassidy
@The Red Pen: That is amazing.
kc
One Christmas, my dad got my mom a chainsaw. I sexist-ly thought that was weird . . .
c u n d gulag
I’ll be 55 in a little over a week, have no job, and no prospects for any, no savings, no 401K, and live with my soon to be 81 year-old widowed mother, so we live off of her SS survivors benefit money, and for some reason, this Christmas, her cousin get me a subscription to Forbes magazine!
LOL!!!
Forbes magazine!!!
WTF do I need Forbes magazine for, except to balance the kitchen table?
Juju
I got my sister a knife. It sounds sort of evil when phrased that way, but it was actually a Sabatier 6″ blade, chef’s knife, and she really wanted it.
RaflW
A worm farm sounds great! I live in a high rise, and if I wasn’t traveling as much as I do, I’d have one.
Worm tea is misnamed. It’s castings tea. Or, really, shit tea. Very good for potted plants!
So, as you can tell, I’m an enthusiastic weirdo.
Sounds like a very happy b-day for your hubby, and kudos for actually buying what he wanted even though you find it odd.
TaMara (BHF)
Gave my ex a trip to adult space camp. How I wished they’d actually sent him into space, one way. Hee-hee.
ricky
Farms don’t come in boxes.
Where I’m from acreage used to produce critters is called a ranch, not a farm. And acreage without cultivated critters is a farm unless you are President and growing brush for photo opportunties.
Gindy51
Not birthday but 20st anniversary present. I got a zero turn radius mower and was instantly the envy of every man in our neighborhood. My husband is not allowed to even LOOK at it let alone use it. They are jealous of me for the mower and him for having a wife who won’t let him use it. Double win!
I get all my garden stuff here:
http://www.gardensalive.com/default.asp
Here’s their worm stuff:
http://www.gardensalive.com/search.asp?ss=worm
c u n d gulag
@c u n d gulag:
Oops, hit ‘submit’ too soon, and the system won’t let me edit.
I was going to write:
Why not Playboy?
I won’t get to date the centerfold either, but at least I could use that magazine for something besides a wobbly table.
And no wobbly d*ck jokes, please!
Roger Moore
@Betty Cracker:
That’s probably a safer assumption in Florida than it would be in, say, Minnesota or North Dakota.
TaMara (BHF)
And a worm farm would be totally awesome.
ranchandsyrup
@c u n d gulag: Maybe your cousin in law wanted you to continue to follow the writing of Balloon Juice’s first and last ever self-appointed ombudsman, E.D. Kain at Forbes?
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
I dunno if it’s weirder, but it’s been called odd. For the winter solstice holiday, Mr. Q got me a groupon for laser depilation of my legs, which it turns out is horrifically expensive. Since it was a 90% off, I was not mortified.
And I’m most appreciative. This month my balance is great, but my hands don’t work so well. Thus I look forward to not shaving. Weirder? Opinions differ. I’d love a worm farm too.
RaflW
@Betty Cracker: How cold is it there in Cracker land?
Cause the worms may need to be indoors at least seasonally. If a bin is run right, there’s near zero smell, the ‘farm’ is not actually very big, and worms are very, very, very quiet.
Seriously, a worm bin is almost exactly not like what you seem to be imagining. And worms don’t really run away, they don’t spray, they don’t tear up the arms of sofas, and they turn your kitchen garbage into amazing potting soil.
Worms. So misunderstood, so hated-upon. I has a sad.
zadig
Got one of these, and it’s the best thing ever for apartment-dwellers who also want to compost all of their kitchen waste. I have one, and it’s amazing — the little bastards eat a lot.
Outdoor compost is fine, but if you can’t do it, vermicomposting is the net best thing.
So yeah, I’ve had a lot weirder presents. Surgical procedures come to mind.
JPL
Aren’t presents suppose to be practical?
uhoh…for those who haven’t seen this at political wire
link
Is Christie about to switch party affiliation?
patrick II
@Joey Maloney:
gbear
Worst present I ever got was a record called ‘A Magilla Gorilla Christmas’ when I was about 13 and really hoping for a Beatles album. Least expected great gift was when my mom bought me a Little Richard vinyl box set.
c u n d gulag
@ranchandsyrup:
Is that where he ended up?
I had no use for that guy!
And that makes me one of almost every commenter on this site.
He was insufferable.
Redshirt
@RaflW: The worms are too expensive and difficult. I’ve got some illegal ants who can do twice the work for half the price.
TaMara (BHF)
@Betty Cracker: From where did you purchase your worm farm?
Betty Cracker
@RaflW: I’m in Florida, and it almost never reaches freezing in my area, so hopefully the worms can stay outdoors. Hubby already has a large-ish composting operation to process the chickenshit, so I guess the worms will just be adding to the mix. He has actually given chickenshit as a gift to fellow gardeners, but only upon request, never for a special occasion, so it doesn’t count.
RaflW
@gbear: My dad once bought me a cassette tape (probably from the Heathrow gift shop to dump some pocket change on departure). It was by “Sounds Like WINGS.”
Yes, indeed-y. A cover band of Paul McCartney’s 70s dreck.
Urp.
ranchandsyrup
@c u n d gulag: They just let him write about video games there. This here site still has a link to the LOOG (E.D.’s place) in the blogroll. If you’re ever wondering whether glibertarians are still jerkholes and want to bang your head against your desk, head on over there to the comments.
Betty Cracker
@TaMara (BHF): From an outfit called “Nature’s Footprint” via Amazon.com. The box is smaller than I imagined. Must be some assembly required.
c u n d gulag
@JPL:
I don’t know about that, but let’s not treat Andrew Cuomo as if he was some paragon of Liberal virtue.
He’s more like a socially tolerant old-school Republican, who’s not a gun nut.
So, yeah, I’m pretty sure he and Christie do agree on about 90-to-98% of things.
The other 10-to-2% accounts for Cuomo not openly advocating the destruction of the social safety-nets right away – or the environment – and him being ok with women having a choice, and not wanting us involved in another war right away.
On education, union-busting, Wall Street @$$-kissing, they’re like two pea’s in a pod.
Now, if Christie had said Patrick, or O’Malley, now THAT would be a shocker!
Politically Lost
I actually scored a worm box for my wife and her birthday about ten years ago. Only we had an adventure in getting it too.
There’s a local guy in the Napa valley that advertises on a road sign that he sells worm boxes. My wife always said she wanted one as we drove by occasionally, so I called the number and made an appointment for her birthday. We went out to this guys house to buy one.
Meeting this guy and getting the grand tour was the best part of the present. Worm subculture, it’s a thing.
He had some deal with a local winery and would get decommissioned wooden shipping wine crates. He had about what looked like a 1000 of them. Most filled with grass clippings and such and some worm starters. A handful were his personal worm boxes filled with good looking soil and lots and lots of worms. He would dig his hand deep into these boxes freely and show us the “tea” and then continually wipe and pick at his nose with the same “tea” covered fingers. I started to wonder if this wasn’t a sign that the “tea” had magical powers.
Anyway, for $25 he gave us a box and a starter clod of worms and a lesson on how to care and feed our new creatures.
The whole set up lasted about a year before we realized that our household does not produce enough compostable materials to keep worms happy and we unceremoniously dumped what was left of our worms in the backyard to end the experiment.
We still have the box and plan on trying again someday.
gelfling545
@Violet: I tried to convince my kids that what I really wanted for Christmas was a composter. No luck, though. Lovely gifts but still no composter. Wait till I tell them that I want mulch for Mothers’ Day.
scav
It’s going to take us forever to come up with enough names. And the background checks we’ll need before placing night-crawlers into forever homes in Minnesota . . . .
Haydnseek
I’ve never heard of a worm farm. If you decide not to produce worms, do you get a subsidy?
dmsilev
@gelfling545: My mom gave a composter to a family friend as a Christmas gift one year. It was basically a solicited gift; she had been tipped off that it would be welcome.
Linda
I didn’t, but my sis and bro in law got matching grave plots in a cemetary in Youngstown, Ohio once. They were from his mom, who wanted to have a say in where they stayed…for eternity.
Mnemosyne
My friend at work got that from her husband for Christmas and was very, very happy. We had to dissuade her from opening the package at the office to take a look at the little guys nestling in their shipping box.
I think “strange gifts” are in the eye of the beholder. G absolutely loved his Sonic Screwdriver Screwdriver, but not every man would be thrilled by it.
We’ve been decluttering and I found the first gift(s) he ever gave me: VHS copies of the letterboxed version of The Haunting and Peter Jackson’s Forgotten Silver, neither of which were available on video at the time. Yes, reader, I married him.
Roger Moore
@ricky:
I think it’s only a ranch if you let the creatures out to roam and then have to round them up later. If you keep the critters in a yard so they get back to the barn without inducement, it’s a farm rather than a ranch. So free-range beef cattle are raised on a ranch, but dairy cattle are kept on farms.
JPL
@c u n d gulag: Twenty-seven percent of the country think Cuomo is a communist and twenty percent more think he is a soc.i.a.List.
Mnemosyne
Worst gift was a flannel nightgown from Sears that I got from my brother. When I was in college. WTF?
My other brother was smarter: he went to the bookstore and bought the three thickest historical romance novels he could find. Two of them were actually pretty good.
Maude
@Betty Cracker:
#38 LOL plus.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne:
Mayhap he felt some responsibility for maintaining your virtue.
Monkeyfister
Some things that worms like in their bedding:
— some corn meal (just a bit), makes for happy, healthy worms.
— newspaper shred– they LOVE it.
— used coffee grinds (dried).
— run leftover beets through a sieve, or blender, drain. Worms LOVE them.
Within a month, you’ll start seeing long things that look like white threads. The threads are babies. Replace the bedding ~1x per month.
I used to raise them for fish bait. They are quite profitable in the right locations.
Worm Tea is just the castings/spent bedding soaked in water, strained, and poured into plants as fertilizer.
ricky
@Haydnseek: No, but a group of Californians have started a petition to require minimal cubic footage for farmers who “cultivate” our slithery compost companions.
Forum Transmitted Disease
@c u n d gulag: If you’re over fifty, you’re likely working the last job you’ll ever work at. I don’t know what we do, as a society, about that.
And I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do about it, as I’m 47 and staring that reality in the face right now. I don’t know if I have a month or a year here. I assuredly don’t have five. And then what?
If somebody got me a subscription to Forbes under your circumstances, I would literally stuff the first issue down their throat. That way at least I’d have a roof over my head in prison.
Trollhattan
@The Red Pen:
You, uh, win. Arrrrrgghle.
Roger Moore
I got some plastic mason jar lids for Christmas this year, which is the oddest gift I can remember offhand. Of course it was from somebody I had discussed the topic with, so it wasn’t completely unexpected. A reprint of Wagner’s Chemical Technology might also seem a bit off the wall.
Joey Maloney
@patrick II: I know, I was speechless too.
Litlebritdifrnt
Breaking news Sean Hannity is lying on the radio.
I know republicans have a problem with math and science but WTF?
He is also saying that Obama does nothing but goes on vacation and is now the “vacationer in chief” yeah right Sean.
Lex
My ex once got me a bread machine that looked like a white, countertop R2-D2.
I don’t cook if I can avoid it (outdoor grilling excepted), so I was all, “What the FUCK are you thinking?” … until I made my first loaf of bread.
Wow.
For years, every workday, I would dump the ingredients in that puppy, set the timer, go to work, and have hot, fresh bread ready for sandwiches the INSTANT I walked in the front door at lunch. Particularly in cold weather, that ROCKED.
raven
I once gave my wife a mango picker.
raven
I also started a flesh eating beetle farm in December and the colony is now working over my big redfish head. Wanna see a picture???
AliceBlue
@The Red Pen:
There is a shell-shaped piece of graphite on the fifth page. My sister-in-law gave my husband one of those for Christmas several years ago.
Litlebritdifrnt
@Lex: I am a bread machine junkie. I have one that I use and two in reserve in case the current one breaks. You can pick them up for $5.00 – $10.00 at any Thrift Store, people get them as gifts and don’t use them so they end up at the Thrift Stores. My Husband particularly loves the cinnamon bread I make to turn into French Toast for his Sunday morning breakfast.
Litlebritdifrnt
@raven:
Yes!
Commenting at Balloon Juice Since 1937
I wanted a worm farm 15 years ago. My wife said ‘no’. Last fall she wanted one and thought it was her idea. All the food scraps go in there along with all your top secret papers that you shred.
ranchandsyrup
@raven: Yes, yes i do.
Reformed Panty Sniffer
@JPL:
Actually, Christie is nothing like Cuomo, according to Think Progress, which has a piece about this story.
http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2013/02/19/1608041/chris-christie-andrew-cuomo/
This is one of those “Christie being Christie” type stories that the MSM will jump on as some kind of marker that Christie is the “real deal” for Republicans going into 2016. But in fact, he’s really not that distinguishable from any other Republican. Yes, he’s not that insane, but his positions are par for the course. Let us not forget he endorsed RMoney early and often.
Capri
In the mid-ninties, out of the blue, my mother signed me up for the Hilary Clinton fan club for my birthday. I got a card I could put in my wallet and a pin. My Mom has never really spoken about her political leanings prior or since.
Best present ever was the boa constrictor I got for Christmas when I was in 9th grade. It was the first reptile I ever owned that wasn’t solicted or self-procured..
raven
@Litlebritdifrnt: Here ya go!
ricky
@Roger Moore: Good point.
Course if you had free range worms you’d probably lose much of your herd in the castrating and branding operation.
raven
From the top.
raven
Ever see Heroes with Winkler, Harrison Ford and Sally Field? Henry is a Nam Vet on a journey to find his buddy from the war and start a worm farm with him. Good flick ruined when it went to video and the replaced “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Kansas at the end.
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
Most likely — my brother always liked to think of himself as being more inherently virtuous than me because he was a Republican, unlike my heathen Democratic self. He spent a lot of time denouncing the immorality of Bill Clinton in the late 90s.
And, yet, like all Republicans, when it came to cheating on his own wife, that was different, because it was Twoo Luv! Though he has at least been smart enough to not denounce anyone else’s morals since then.
YellowJournalism
My very conservative grandmother bought my male cousin a nightshirt. It was plain white with a picture of a Christmas fireplace on it. Only, she didn’t realize where the fireplace would be located when worn–on the butt. My conservative grandma bought her preteen grandson a Christmas fart joke.
low-tech cyclist
A number of years ago when my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her I wanted a stamp with the head of the 19th century French mathematician Augustin-Louis Cauchy on it. (I knew the stamp existed because there was a picture of it in a textbook I’d taught out of.)
She tracked one down and framed it, and it’s on my shelf within arm’s reach right now.
MikeJ
I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones.
c u n d gulag
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
Yeah, my retirement plan is to pursue a life of crime – and be very, very bad at it.
I’m talkin’ Woody Allen in “Take the Money and Run” bad!
c u n d gulag
@MikeJ:
Boneless chicken?
How did it walk?*
*Sorry, old “Odd Couple” joke.
Robert Sneddon
I once gave a hundred gallons of diesel as a wedding present. The bethrothed lived on a canal boat and planned to honeymoon travelling up from London to Birmingham and back again at 4mph.
Betty Cracker
@YellowJournalism: Someone gave my very conservative octogenarian grandma a sun hat with a rainbow hatband once. She didn’t realize the rainbow is a gay pride symbol. I was kind of embarrassed to go out in public with her in that hat, lest people take her for my Sugar Mama.
hope
I gave my husband a crypt in a mausoleum
bcinaz
I have a worm farm and I just love it. It is a very efficient way to compost kitchen scraps, though I guess your chickens are even better. And once it gets going, it produces really great organic compost for the garden.
Mike E
@ranchandsyrup:
A soak in OxyClean solution will bleach that bad boy nicely.
cckids
My sister & her husband got a toilet as a wedding gift. They were self-building their house at the time & were happy; it was actually quite the hit at the reception, because the givers, rather than doing the gift card route, bought the toilet & wrapped it. The comments & facial expressions from the older female relatives were priceless.
Schlemizel
For Mothers Day one year I bought my wife a serger. Its what she really wanted as sewing is a hobby for her.
Still, it was fun to see the looks on people faces when I told them I bought the mother of my children a sewing machine for Mothers Day!
dance around in your bones
I first read this as weirdest President ever and immediately thought of Bush.
I have to say (on topic) the weirdest present I ever got was a telescope from my husband who really wanted one for himself. Not that it wasn’t cool – we watched many interesting things through it – but, still. Plus my little kid told me the night before ‘what Daddy got you for your birthday’ which made it hard to look surprised and gratified the next day.
Oh well. I wish he was still around so we could look at cool stuff together. Sigh.
Schlemizel
There used to be a columnist for the Minneapolis evening paper (to give you an idea of how long ago there were 2 papers a day back then!) who grew up in the back hills of the Ozarks.
He told the story of one Christmas when his grandfather bought his grandmother a headstone! He thought it would be one less thing for her to worry about when it came time to be buried. She was not amused!
Gretchen
I gave my husband a worm farm for his birthday a couple of years ago. I’m the gardener in the family, and he takes no interest in it, but he likes feeling that he’s not filling up the landfill. When I gathier things for the compost bin, he warns me that the worms need to eat. He especially likes when I show him garden catalogues with high-priced bags of worm-compost. We get ours for free.
Schlemizel
@dance around in your bones:
My MIL went through a phase where she bought something her daughter wanted & gave it to me for Christmas or birthdays. When I pointed out that it was obvious she stopped doing that & started buying us a joint gift – which was always some useless knick-knak that nobody wanted. They were weird but I can’t even begin to describe most of them.
One year it was a brass thing that was supposed to hang from the ceiling, sort of a double helix of brass with some green material inside of it. We couldn’t even sell it for a quarter at a garage sale.
raven
@Mike E: Bring it over, the beetles can handle it!
dance around in your bones
@Schlemizel:
Ha! This year my comadre (that’s the only expression I can think of for my son-in-law’s mother) gave me a gift bag of stuff that she said is all stuff she likes. Bath stuff, etc; including an electric razor that my daughter immediately appropriated for her own personal use.
Foolishly, I told my comadre about the appropriation – the other day she called and asked if I had reclaimed the razor. I lied, said yes. Keepin’ the peace in the family, doncha know.
Mnemosyne
@Schlemizel:
@dance around in your bones:
My MIL gets us each our own Amazon gift card. This is why she is the best MIL ever.
auntie beak
once gave my mom a circular saw for mother’s day. she loved it. my mom is kind of weird. in a good, mom-like way.
Joy
I didn’t get it as a present, but I have a worm “farm”. It’s great for getting rid of fresh vegetable scraps, coffee grounds (including the filter, same for tea bags), old newspapers (shred them for best composting). My worms love watermelon rinds and tomatoes. The resulting compost is quite strong, so using a “tea” to water your houseplants, etc. is great. I use the compost itself in a mix with regular potting soil for an extra boost to my plants or spread it on top of the soil around the plants. It’s the easiest thing to do, except for the “herding” of the worms when is comes time to harvest the compost, unless you have one where the compost can be sifted into another part of the bin. Mine is a home made contraption using a rubbermaid bin, but it works great! Happy composting!
Mnemosyne
@Gretchen:
I have to admit, that does sound like the best present ever — one that makes me feel good about being environmentally conscious while someone else does the work? Yes, please! ;-)
Kathy in St. Louis
The very first thing I thought about when I read this post was the e.e. cummings poem about his uncle, the failed farmer, who started a pig farm, then the pigs all died, then started a crop farm and there was a drought, etc. Then he died, and started a worm farm. I believe he was successful at that one.
dance around in your bones
@Mnemosyne: Oh, I got the Amazon gift card, too.
Plus a Visa-loaded-with-$-card. I love my comadre.
Loneoak
Are you kidding?! Vermicomposting is the best thing evar. And if that bin ever gets overrun with creepy crawlies, your chickens will be in seventh heaven. I once got an infestation of rolly-pollies and the neighbor brought his chickens over to deal with it. It was a sight to see!
GrammyPat
One year for Christmas, my ex (without prompting) gave me a pocket knife, a large bottle of Chanel #5, a set of metric, deep-well sockets, and a pair of diamond earrings. All were equally used and appreciated. One: This tells you a lot about me. Two: Boy-o-boy did I have him well trained!
merrinc
@Southern Beale:
I am married to an uber geek and one year, he gave me a flatbed scanner for my birthday. My BD is on Jan 1 and back then, most stores – except for Wal-Mart – were closed on the holiday and that was his excuse. Since computer hardware of any sort was not on my wish list, I was not pleased. I would content that in geek terms, a flatbed scanner is in the same category as vacuum cleaner.
ruemara
In light of the fact that I miss my compost pile and never got to indulge in vermicomposting or the solar dehydrator I wanted to build, here’s a short video I did about how to do the worm thing.
Alabama Blue Dot
I got a worm farm for Christmas 2 years ago! I had a hard time keeping it going in the hot Alabama summers, but I’m giving it another try this Spring.
Birthmarker
@Alabama Blue Dot:
i have an Alabama Blue Dot on my fridge! No worm farm though…
rikyrah
you are a good wife.
I just couldn’t buy a worm farm.
FlyingToaster
I got HerrDoktor a Wombat Crossing sign for XMas.
It turns out that he will be moving from a shared office (which all agree was a mistake) to a single office sometime in March. At which point the sign will go on his door.
LanceThruster
@The Red Pen:
Which means of course that I want them!