Kitteh Update

Mom has informed me that she got Ariel’s shot records, and she is (they think) 2 years old, born in spring 2011, but no one really knows for sure. She is 7.7 lbs, which means she is about what Tunch weighed when he was 8 months old, so she is a very slender and agile kitty.

I’ve got new bowls and a new litter box, and plan to spend tomorrow vacuuming the hell out of the spare bedroom so it is nice and clean for her arrival tomorrow night. I’m really quite excited. My friends always mock me for living in the middle of nowhere, and ask me if I am ever lonely, and I guess they just don’t understand how impossible it is to get lonely with all these personalities running around. No matter what room I am in, there is a set of eyeballs on me and someone who wants to be pet. How do you get lonely? Who has time? I’m shocked that I don’t have carpal tunnel from petting animals all day.

I went through all the names you suggested, and here are the frontrunners:

1.) Ariel (I’m a dance with the girl who brung you kind of guy, so if it fits when I meet her, it will be Ariel.
2.) Marlena (my current frontrunner)
3.) Sybil
4.) Abigail
5.) Natasha

Really leaning towards Marlena, which I think is perfect.

196 replies
  1. 1
    MikeJ says:

    No matter what room I am in, there is a set of eyeballs on me

    That is the creepiest goddamned thing I’ve ever read.

  2. 2
    Violet says:

    Marlena (my current frontrunner)

    Do you watch a lot of Days of Our Lives?

  3. 3
    Betty Cracker says:

    My husband has this dumb rule that pet names can’t exceed two syllables; I think he read somewhere that it’s harder for animals to learn a name that exceeds two syllables, which makes training them more difficult. But our animals don’t obey us anyway, so I’m not sure why that’s an issue!

    Anyhoo, the way I defeat this dumb rule is to give the animals TWO first names, Southern style, and then call them by their complete names. It doesn’t work so well when you want them to stop doing something, but they damn sure hear you calling them for treats perfectly fine.

    Good luck with the new kitty, whatever you decide to name her. May you all enjoy long, happy lives together.

  4. 4
    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford says:


    Marlene On the Wall came up on my mp3 player today.

  5. 5
    Yutsano says:

    @Violet: Never ask a question unless you’re certain you want the answer. Though the suggestion I think came from the late movie actress with a penchant for menswear.

  6. 6
    gogol's wife says:

    Sybil in honor of Downton Abbey?

  7. 7
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Vor der Kaserne, vor dem grossen Tor….

  8. 8
  9. 9
    JPL says:

    @Betty Cracker: Haha.. My suggestion was Mop and that didn’t make the list. One of my former goldens was purchased from a gal who was attending SMU and discovered she couldn’t take the pup to France. How sad.. She named him Sunrise and I decided that didn’t fit in my neighborhood so Sunny it became.

  10. 10
    Violet says:

    she is a very slender and agile kitty.

    This will be a very different cat experience for you and all the pets in the house. A cat that moves and quickly at that? Shocker.

  11. 11
    Short Bus Bully says:

    The probability of an epic Tunch freak out is currently somewhere in neighborhood of 99.99992% and climbing.

    Vegas odds makers have lost track of the over/under.

    West Virginia National Guard has been alerted and is on stand by.

  12. 12
    gbear says:

    @Betty Cracker: I’ve found that the word ‘treats’ is the ONLY word my cat cares about.

  13. 13
    John Cole says:

    @MikeJ: It is how it is. Ask anyone with multiple pets. Someone is always looking for me or jockeying for laptime and pets.

  14. 14
    HinTN says:

    “Marlena under Foster Grants…”

  15. 15
    FlipYrWhig says:

    Marlene/Marlena is a good idea. I also liked the late-breaking suggestion of “Rooney.”

  16. 16
    JPL says:

    @gogol’s wife: Spoiler alert..
    She died so let’s hope not.

    John, Why does your mom think this is a good idea?

  17. 17
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Short Bus Bully: What’s the latest from Nate Silver? I think Joe Scarborough was saying everyone knows the potential for Tunch losing it is 50-50, because it’ll either happen, or it won’t, flip a coin.

  18. 18
    Redshirt says:

    There will be blood and fur, soon….

    I’m taking bets. Who wants some action?

  19. 19
    Chat Noir says:

    Congrats, John, on the new arrival. And great name choices for the newest member of the Cole household. The name thread from yesterday was dormant when I read it this morning — my suggestion for a girl kitty name is Claudia Jean.

    You’re a good guy for providing a good home to the fur babies. I don’t blame you for enjoying the company of animals more than people.

  20. 20

    @Betty Cracker: Have you named your chickens?

  21. 21
    PaulW says:

    I’d think that if Ariel was used to being called Ariel, she’d answer to Ariel.

  22. 22
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    @Betty Cracker: This. All my animals have 2 names and when I really feel I need their attention, they get my last name attached.

    So, in trouble, three names. Formal or little bit of trouble, 2 names. Full of love and fun, I do their initials or some abbreviation of their name.

    They love it when I use their initials. They are front and center for that.

  23. 23
    hildebrand says:

    I am rather partial to Natasha – the name of our too-many-years-gone black lab (who thought she was a lap dog – she also slept under the cribs of our two kids, once they were in regular beds she came back to our room to sleep at night).

  24. 24
    Tokyokie says:

    I had a black kitty I named Marlene after the Vonetta McGee character in Repo Man. I got her on a trip to St. Louis. The house of the neighbor of the friend I was visiting had pretty much burned down, and the occupants came back and picked up a couple of their pets and abandoned the others. Marlene was one of the abandoned ones, and she was incredibly sweet and came across the street and greeted me every time I got out of a car at my friend’s house, so I gave her a home. Sadly, Marlene was probably the dumbest cat I’ve ever lived with. Sweet, but dim, even by kitty standards, and as a result, she was poor at defending herself from some of my bullying male cats.

  25. 25

    @John Cole: We can has pictures? Seriously, you should record the First Contact for posterity, in words and on film.

  26. 26
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    @Betty Cracker: I have a habit of adding on to my pets names. Flossie becomes “Flossie Pooch” and the female cats are “Ms.” whatever (ie Ms. Peaches), the male cats generally just get their first name but sometimes I add on kitty as well. I know I am strange.

    Speaking of Flossie, here is an update for anyone who is interested. She will grow into those ears eventually.

  27. 27
    22over7 says:

    @Chat Noir:

    Love it!

    Also, though my suggestion (Elanor) didn’t make the cut, I think a cat name is something to tell other people (i.e., my cat’s name is Stan), because you end up calling her something else anyway. Mine have names, but only come to kitty or little one, and run from goddammit who yakked on the carpet again!

    And for those of you taking the over/under on Tunch, well, I’ve got my money on Lily. The most perfect beautiful sweetest doggie in the world will not like her boyfriend getting all up in someone else’s fur.

  28. 28
    Ted & Hellen says:

    Didn’t you vacuum the damn bedroom yesterday? Why does a cat care if the place has been vacuumed?

    And when at long last are you coming out of the closet?

    Perhaps you could inspire Lindsey Graham to do likewise.

  29. 29
    Andree-Anne says:

    How about ARIELLE (she’s a girl after all)? ABIGAIL sounds lovely too. Both are more dignified than MARLENA, I think.

    Anyhoo, the important thing is that you are providing a forever, loving, home for her.

    Good luck with Tunch getting his nose out of joint (he will!).

  30. 30
    JWL says:

    Marlena is OK. But why not name her after the great WW2 tune, Lily Marlene? It could serve as her theme song. After all, the Brits liked it so much they purloined it from Rommel’s Africa Corps.

    (Disclaimer: I’ve already read, and will continue to read, way too much about the Second World War).

  31. 31
    Ecks says:

    At first I wondered why you would not pick Ariel given it was waaaay prettier than all of the others, then I remembered you have to say them in an American accent, and the scales leveled out. Ariel gets less and less pretty the further you move from a French accent (i.e., still nice with a Brit one, meh with an American).

    There are a few names that sound better the American way (like Tyler – it just sounds stupid in a british accent).

  32. 32
    Betty Cracker says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: The kids did: Joan Jett (boss hen), Bigfoot, Ravenclaw, Fuzzbutt, Dorito, Henrietta and Ninja. We have three of one breed (Australorps) and four of another (Reds), but I can tell them all apart despite their similar appearance. It can be difficult to tell Bigfoot and Henrietta apart on sight, but their personalities are different enough to distinguish them.

  33. 33
    Gex says:

    I’ve got an Abigail. It is a great name for a kitteh. I highly recommend it.

  34. 34
    Mike Furlan says:

    Has Tunch already suggested “Lunch.”

  35. 35
    Valdivia says:

    I like Abigail. I too am going through incorporating a new cat in the house–it’s been difficult because my old boys are rather sick and get very upset by him. The vet recommended feliway. Good luck John!

  36. 36
    gbear says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    you should record the First Contact for posterity

    First contact shouldn’t occur for a week or so. Any earlier and I’d be with Redshirt betting on blood and fur.

  37. 37

    @Valdivia: I second the Feliway suggestion. When we had trouble with our two kittehs, Feliway helped.

  38. 38
    Betty Cracker says:

    @TaMara (BHF): I resort to initials too sometimes, usually when summoning them as a pair. Like you, all three names are reserved for serious occasions only. Same with kids.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Ted & Hellen: New cat might not appreciate feeling like all the primo spots have already been claimed by incumbent cat.

  41. 41

    Sybil reminds me of the multiple personality movie. Not a good connotation for me but she won’t be my cat so who cares what I say.

  42. 42
    Betty Cracker says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: More like this. While not my actual dog, this is the type of transgression that earns three names.

  43. 43
    Anya says:

    Marlena doesn’t seem like a little cat name (maybe a big cat). You should name her Kismet.

  44. 44
    bemused says:

    @John Cole:

    They watch your every move. The only time they aren’t is when they are sleeping and often, not even then.

  45. 45
    Valdivia says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Glad to know it works! I just want all my felines to get along and be one happy family since we adore the new addition, total snuggle bug and super curious.

  46. 46
    Villago Delenda Est says:


    Shorter: fucktard troll is a fucktard troll about EVERYTHING.

  47. 47
    Ecks says:

    remember that we’re talking about Cole here. It has to be a name he won’t sound too stupid screaming as he wanders through the streets trying to find her.

    Not that cats care a damn about the syllables that we stupid humans try to make stick to them.

  48. 48
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Ted & Hellen: Why is Cole’s sexual orientation so important to you?

  49. 49
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: It’s true dedication.

  50. 50
    Litlebritdifrnt says:


    remember that we’re talking about Cole here. It has to be a name he won’t sound too stupid screaming as he wanders through the streets trying to find her.

    don’t forget the in jammy bottoms and slippers bit.

  51. 51
    bemused says:

    I suggested naming one of our cats Ophelia and call her Ophie but I got shot down.

  52. 52
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @bemused: I also like literary names for pets, especially names that people just don’t have anymore, if they ever did.

  53. 53

    @Betty Cracker: Bad Goggie! My kittehs are usually uninterested in people food, they love raw shrimp and raw beef! Once boss cat purloined some steaks I had bought from the grocery store before I could get rest of the bags in, and had ripped the Styrofoam package. On the other he had no idea what to do with an entire fish, scales and all, that my neighbor offered him.

  54. 54
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    @Ecks: No matter how hard I try whenever I am calling Harry Potter in for dinner I can’t help but sound like Maggie Smith in the movie.

  55. 55
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    @Betty Cracker:


    I’m sensing that this may not end well, for the one bird in the roost named after a popular snack food. But maybe I just watch too many Hitchcock movies…

  56. 56
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Adorable. OMG those ears.

  57. 57
    Bobby Thomson says:

    All great names. Hope it works out.

  58. 58
    gbear says:

    @FlipYrWhig: My first cat was named Rosebud and only one of my workmates made the connection with Citizen Kane. Everyone else thought she was named for a Doonesbury character.

  59. 59
    RedKitten says:

    Marlena is a lovely name, and so is Ariel. I’m sure you’ll manage her introduction to the household quite nicely.

  60. 60
    Hungry Joe says:

    Two syllables, max. Unless it’s “Ariel.”

    Going to be a Bad Day, or rather, a Bad Two Weeks at Black Rock, but in the end the ol’ homestead will settle into sublime chaos.

  61. 61
    bemused says:


    I also wanted to name her sister Olivia/Livy, Livia but that got a thumbs down too.

  62. 62
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @bemused: Was she much like Livia in I, Claudius? Of course, as a dog person, I tend to think most cats are.

  63. 63
    Comrade Jake says:

    Spotted someone today who had named her cat “Kitler”. Yikes.

  64. 64
    Ted & Hellen says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Why is Cole’s sexual orientation so important to you?

    I thought it obvious: Because I want him to be mine and mine alone.

    Now fuck off and mind your own business, sister.

  65. 65
    bemused says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I just liked the names, something not that common in cat names.

  66. 66
    Ted & Hellen says:

    Interesting how people who claim sexual orientation doesn’t matter become incensed when someone brings it up.

    If it doesn’t matter, then what’s the problem either way?

    Ah…but it does matter, doesn’t it? Our sexuality is a huge part of who we are and if we feel compelled to hide it or play hide and seek with it, then something’s wrong.

    I’m mostly joking about Cole, but sometimes I wonder…as do others of you not as self righteous as certain evolved superior types here.

  67. 67
    Hungry Joe says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: From “I, Claudius” — Livia to the Gladiators: “These games are being degraded by the use of professional tricks to stay alive, and I won’t have it.”

  68. 68
    Walker says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    My cat Marcus loves Saltines. If I have a sleeve out of the coffee table (because I love them too), he will stick his head in the sleeve and pull out a cracker. He will then go somewhere to much on it and leave the crumbs all over the floor. I am convinced he does it for the salt.

  69. 69
    kindness says:

    Sugar Magnolia?

    C’mon John, and old Deadhead like you can pull some Jerry into your now life.

  70. 70
    Joe says:

    Marlenas only come in threes, so you’ll need two more cats.

  71. 71
    muddy says:

    I like for the animals to mind my business, makes me feel important when I have an entourage. Except when I turn back for something and trip over the herd hot on my heels.

  72. 72
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Ted & Hellen: I neither claimed it didn’t matter nor became incensed when you mentioned it. I just asked why it was so important to you – reasons do vary.

  73. 73
    Xboxershorts says:


    As in….S’not my cat

    Yes, I currently have a home invader by that name. A 20lb orange tabby that decided he’d stay with us for a while.

    That was 7 years ago

  74. 74
    PurpleGirl says:

    Peekskill friends’ cat was named Rowdy. This became Rowdy Cat or Rowdster, not necessarily for doing bad stuff but randomly. He was a very independent indoor/outdoor cat.

  75. 75
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Hungry Joe: There’s a character in Alexander Pope’s _The Rape of the Lock_, a “sylph,” called Ariel. For Pope, that’s a two-syllable name. Pronounced like “Air-yul.”

  76. 76
    Joy in FL says:

    I am so happy for your and Ariel/Marlena. She is a lucky kitty.

  77. 77
    Cassidy says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I’m gathering that the self loathing bigot can’t keep himself to himself and has now decided to shit on every thread?

  78. 78
    tess (formerly librarian) says:

    Our nickname for our cat Duncan is Pumpkin, picked up as a poor rhyme; his brother Malcolm seems to desire a nickname, which hasn’t been as easy, but tonight he got all wiggly and happy when I called him “love dumplin'” so I guess that’s the one. They’re both sort of goofballs, but sweet boys. It’s funny to see how many of their weirdnesses seem to be genetic.

  79. 79
    bemused says:

    I see an ad here Stop the Recall of Sheriff Arpaio. I didn’t know people were trying to recall him. Hope they succeed.

  80. 80
    Jackie says:

    I didn’t get to chime in with names yesterday, but I like Abigail – Gabby for short. :) If she’s anything like my tux cat, she’ll be ‘gabbing’ about everything… ;)

  81. 81
    Ted & Hellen says:


    …has now decided to shit on every thread?

    Nah…you’ve got that part covered, Assidy.

    And…here you are crushing on me again. I told you: We shall never, ever copulate. Let it be.

  82. 82
    BobbyK says:

    My 2 cents-Ariel is the perfect name

  83. 83
    sparrow says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Eh, I also tend to morph names. My cat Helo became helio, helaco, helo-skelo…

  84. 84
    artem1s says:


    I had a couple of male cats that were named after Roman Emperors; Julius and Hadrian. So of course the first girl kitteh had to be named Livia. I just loved I Claudius.

  85. 85
    sparrow says:

    Ariel sounds like a name a 4 year old would give a cat.

  86. 86
    Anya says:

    @Ted & Hellen: It becomes an issue when you use sexual orientation as a cue for gender related attributes and interests.

  87. 87
    Cassidy says:

    Ted & Hellen Says: Your custard pie, yeah, sweet and nice. When you cut it, mama, save me a slice!

    You got nothing, sunshine. Your shtick of half-assed insults, barely concealed bigotry, and smarmy pseudo-intellectualism has worn thin. Keep it up though. We really enjoy laughing at you and making fun of you.

  88. 88
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Joy in FL: He could combine the names and call the cat “Marielena.”

  89. 89
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @artem1s: Drusilla is good.

  90. 90
    Ted & Hellen says:

    Sybil rings true to me.

    She will be the the oracle, your prophetess of a new phase of your life.

  91. 91
    JGabriel says:

    John Cole @ Top:

    Really leaning towards Marlena, which I think is perfect.

    Count me in with Betty Cracker, Ecks, FlipYrWhig, and Hungry Joe on the “No more than two syllables in a pets name” rule.

    You’ll just end up shortening Marlena to Mar, Mara, Marla, or Lena, anyway. Of course, this is coming from a man whose last cat’s name was Anna Karenina, whom I just called Anna.

    Also, I kinda like Ariel. But the ie can be pronounced as dipthong, which makes it more of two-and-a-half syllable name than three.


  92. 92
    maya says:

    Late to the party, as usual, but I had a b/w tux cat and I called him Haiku. Not because of its Japanese poetic resonance but because the only sound he made was a high pitched cooing sound. The name fit. It’s also unisex.

    You might want to wait until you get to know the new kitteh for awhile before you name her. Something about her personality might make it more special instead of, “and I’m going to call her George and I’m going to love her and squeeze her and, and…” Just sayin.

  93. 93
    bemused says:


    That’s great…it’s always fun when you get to do some theme naming.

  94. 94
    Anya says:

    @sparrow: When I was four, I named our puppy Tiny. Needless to say, he didn’t stay tiny for long. I content to this day that as child I understood irony.

  95. 95
    Cassidy says:

    My wife and kids name the animals. I stick with “dog” and “cat”. They know who I’m talking to.

  96. 96
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    John, the best way to determine which name to go with is to write them in cursive handwriting over and over in a notebook. Make sure you add “Cole” at the end each time and try to insert a single syllable middle name like “lynn”, “sue” or “ann” so it flows nicely. The name that looks best surrounded by little hearts is the one to go with.

    Good luck on your journey to full-fledged crazy cat lady. Have you started having conversations with the trash cans yet?

  97. 97
    bemused says:


    We had a white male cat named Cooper. One of our kids named him after Agent Cooper in Twin Peaks.

  98. 98
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Good question. Since John’s already been through puberty I can’t see any reason why John’s sexuality would interest Pedo Dude.

  99. 99
    MikeJ says:

    Instead of Ariel why not Comic Sans?

  100. 100
    rikyrah says:

    I’ve never had a pet outside of fish, but isn’t it confusing for the pet to be changing names like this?

  101. 101
    raven says:

    @Cassidy: I think the The Outlaw Josey Wales’ dog was named dog.

  102. 102
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @rikyrah: Did it bother your fish?

  103. 103
    debit says:

    @artem1s: I loved I, Claudius as well, but forgot about Brian Blessed. My recent rewatch experience was something like this:

    Character one, speaking in a British accent: Something witty about Roman politics.
    Character two, also in a British accent: Something witty in response.

    Me: Jesus fucking christ on a pogo stick, why Brian fucking Blessed, why?

  104. 104
    Cassidy says:

    @raven: I’ve never been a pet person, but I’ve always wanted to name a dog Iggy.

  105. 105
  106. 106
    Alison says:

    @rikyrah: Probably less so for a cat than a dog. People may argue this, but cats are far less responsive to their names, since we can’t generally train them to always come when called and such. IME dogs develop more of an…not exactly “attachment” but sort of…to their name.

  107. 107
    raven says:

    OK, to the dvr for the Abbey!

  108. 108
    Maeve says:

    If not Ariel then her name should obviously be Miranda

    Our first cat (when I was a kid) was named John Henry. He was a steel-drivin’ kitteh.

  109. 109
    Anne Laurie says:


    I’ve never had a pet outside of fish, but isn’t it confusing for the pet to be changing names like this?

    Nah, even dumb cats & dogs can pick up a change fairly quickly, if you use the new one to call them for treats / meals / skritchies. Remember, all the name-associations are important to us apes, but not so much to small house predators who probably use ‘smell/size/movement’ as primary identifiers in their heads (“Windex Big Clumsy guy, answers to JayGee, Cole, or Whatwereyouthinkingson“).

    Example: We inherited a big dumb grey&white cat named “Heineken” when he was 7 or 8. Heine, as he was usually called, had self-esteem issues (having been the omega cat in a household of many cats). I decreed his new name would be Gunther, short for Gunther Gargoyle. We called him Heine-Gunther for a week or so, and then just Gunther, and he had no trouble figuring out who we were talking to. Couple weeks after that, his former people stopped by to visit, and he obviously remembered them fondly but he refused to answer to his old name!

  110. 110
    AIMAI says:


    Its Cole so I imagine the real problem is when the cat has to spell it over the phone when dialing 911 because Cole has conked himself on the head while shampooing the rug, naked, with a buzz saw or some other typical Colian Household disaster.

  111. 111
    kc says:

    Only 7.7 pounds? A mini-kitty!

  112. 112
    Chris Wolf says:

    Slender and agile?

  113. 113
    JustRuss says:

    @tess (formerly librarian): I inherited a couple of Shakespearian cats, Rosencrantz and Gildenstern. AKA Rosie and Little G.

  114. 114
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Cassidy: True story: Our senior rescue dog, a Papillon, came to us at the age of five with the name “Pepi”. Twenty-four hours later, he leapt out an open window, landed on gravel, and took off into a cold drizzly November evening before I could get out to chase him. I spent one of the worst nights of my life dragging the other two dogs around the neighborhood every hour, in the lousy rain, failing to find him (& hoping nobody would call the police on me).

    Next morning, thank goddess, when I called Animal Control, the nice kids who’d picked him up on the wrong side of the third-most-dangerous intersection in the state (“he’s fast — we couldn’t catch him, but when we opened up the car door he jumped in”) told me he’d spent the night ensconsed in one of their dogs’ beds, after eating a (second) supper that led them to believe he hadn’t been fed for a week.

    His name is now Zevon, after the Excitable Boy. For some reason nobody at the vets / groomers can ever get that right, but it’s perfect for our 15lb. Werewolf of London!

  115. 115
    Litlebritdifrnt says:


    I currently have two “marmalade cat that does not belong to me” aka Marmy, and “pepper who does not belong to me” aka Peps, (pepper was the name that his previous owner who skipped town gave him) who basically live at my front door and eat all the food (along with the possums).

  116. 116
  117. 117
    Ronzoni Rigatoni says:

    @Chat Noir: Le Chat Noir was my choice of a name for a momma cat that my daughter rescued from the nearby woods along with her three kitties. A skinny runt at the time, I eventually got her for my 95 y.o. mom and she’s almost as fat as Tunch now (le chat, not ol’ mom). “Shanwar” woulda been a great name for a totally black kitty. The grandkids named her “Midnight” but ol’ momsie re-named her “Sunshine.” I never win in this fambly.

  118. 118
    JustRuss says:


    and I’m going to call her George and I’m going to love her and squeeze her

    Heh. My mom recently moved into a care facility, I was talking to one of the residents and she told me this about her cat: “His name is George. I have a son named George too. I don’t why I called the cat George, I don’t hate him.

  119. 119
    Amir Khalid says:

    I’m kind of glad I never suggested the only name that occurred to me: Merope.

  120. 120
    Ecks says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Maybe he should name the cat “MyKingdomForAHorse”. What it lacks in brevity it makes up for… holy crap, HelenEtc is way inappropriately concerned with Cole’s sexuality. Just can’t get over that.

  121. 121
    JPL says:

    @Ecks: John’s animal sometimes get loose and I can’ imagine him running down the street yelling MyKingdomForAHorse…but if it happens, hopefully he’ll post about it.

  122. 122
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Ronzoni Rigatoni:
    For a momma cat, shouldn’t the name be La Chatte Noire? (Although I wouldn’t recommend naming a female cat La Chatte, since it’s also French slang for pu$$y.)

  123. 123
    gogol's wife says:


    Hope you enjoy it. There are some nice fishing scenes.

  124. 124
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:


    I can imagine him running down the street yelling MyKingdomForAHorse…

    How do we know that he doesn’t do that already?

  125. 125
    Baud says:


    If that’s the case, maybe he should name her Stella.

  126. 126
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    I have to admit that I like the name Arial. If I were to be so impertinent as to suggest a name I would suggest Floofy, because she just looks like a Floofy to me. I would think that if she named herself she would name herself Floofy.

  127. 127
    rikyrah says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    never changed their names.

  128. 128
    Mike in Oly says:

    Marlena is the perfect name for such a lovely lady in a beautiful tux.

  129. 129
    Gravenstone says:

    @bemused: Did he like a damned fine pie?

  130. 130
    Gravenstone says:

    @debit: I’ve said before here, very few people can chew up the scenery quite like Brian Blessed.

  131. 131
    RSA says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    My husband has this dumb rule that pet names can’t exceed two syllables

    My wife and I have this rule that pet names can’t be common human names.

  132. 132
    gelfling545 says:

    I’m surprised Daisy or Violet did not come up for consideration seeing the flora-orented names of the other females in the house.

    When my elder daughter & her SO recently added a male kitty to their household (There was Kate, her daughter, her SO’s 2 daughters & the SO.) Sir Isaac Mewton was under consideration as her SO is a physics prof. Sam Adams was the final choice, however – for the beer, not the historical personage.

    When I got my dog my granddaughter was 4 & was quite concerned, gods know why, to know Snarla’s last name. Finally it evolved to be Snarla D. Dogg.

  133. 133
    Josie says:

    @tess (formerly librarian): I have a corgi named Duncan. We call him “Duncan punkin” all the time, or sometimes “punkins” if he is being especially good. We do a lot of rhyming names for our pets. I wouldn’t admit this to just anyone, though.

  134. 134
    JPL says:

    @Baud: omg.. That is perfect. John Cole as Brando…

  135. 135
    dance around in your bones says:

    Well, I think you should call her Malta, for my own personal reasons and for reasons only you would know.

    And not in a creepy T&H stalker kinda way.

    ETA: Always been a fan of the name Djuna, as well

  136. 136
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    If I were to be so impertinent as to suggest a name I would suggest Floofy, because she just looks like a Floofy to me. I would think that if she named herself she would name herself Floofy.

    But Tunch is floofy!

  137. 137
    RoonieRoo says:

    I really like Marlena for a name. It sounds like you have a really good prep going. I’m optimistic that this will work out and, I know, you are well educated on what might happen disharmony-wise and to give it time.

  138. 138
    TriassicSands says:

    Before re-naming her, why not see if she responds to Oreo.

    If she does, then that’s her name, whether you like it or not. My cats all know their names and respond to them, and while a young cat can probably adapt to a new name, why put her through that further confusion at a time when everything else is new and, with the number of critters running around Casa de Cole, she may be more than a little unsettled, even intimidated already.

    Think of the cat first, and don’t treat her name as if it doesn’t matter to her (unless it really doesn’t), just because it’s not your first choice.

    If she responds to Oreo, then that should be her name. On the other hand, if she doesn’t respond to Oreo (or Ariel), then you ought to feel free to try out something YOU like. A cat doesn’t care what its name is, but if it thinks a particular name applies to it, then why muck around with something new for your sake? If you don’t like Oreo, then shorten it to Ory, which is actually kind of a nice name (or Orey, if that seems to have more class).

  139. 139
    Rosie Outlook says:

    @rikyrah: Not for a cat because it won’t pay any attention when it’s called anyway.

    John, if you have 2 cats you need 3 litter boxes, not 2. One box per cat plus a spare.

  140. 140
    'Niques says:

    Late to the party, but I named my only black and white cat Jelico, from an e.e. cummings poem. Jelly for short.

  141. 141
    amk says:

    @Redshirt: Nah. tunch is too fat and too lazy for all that gore.

  142. 142
    mai naem says:

    I don’t like Marlena. Sounds like a whorehouse worker from the 1800s. Just sayin’ Marlene doesn’t sound slutty though.

    Abigail and Ariel are much prettier.

  143. 143
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:

    Name the damn’ thing Ralph and have done with it.

  144. 144
    Cassidy says:

    @Higgs Boson’s Mate: True. We’re not talking life altering decisions here.

  145. 145
    Comrade Jake says:

    Marlena reminds me of some Suzanne Vega song.

  146. 146
    burnspbesq says:

    Laettner’s unofficial alternate name is “you silly cat.”

    The cats had the house all to themselves for three days last weekend when we boarded the dogs and went to Seattle to see the kid perform. They are not happy about having to resume sharing.

  147. 147
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @mai naem: I once dated a German girl named Dagmar – She was Prussian and pronounced it DACH-ma.

  148. 148
    hilzoy says:

    Annika is a great name for female cats, imho. Especially ones that are little and flouncy.

  149. 149
    mai naem says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I was trying to reach a doctor one day and had to make a bunch of phone calls to get hold of him. I hadn’t seen the doctors name written but the pronunciation was Dr.Mengele. I kept on telling myself, if I was a doctor and my last name was Mengele I would change my freaking name. Anyhow, the guy’s name was spelled Mangalat.

  150. 150
    Ecks says:


    Having a Mike Kostka Jersey lets me know you aren’t very good at having $200


  151. 151
    Ecks says:

    @Ecks: Gah, quote fail. Meant to be:

    John’s animal sometimes get loose and I can’ imagine him running down the street yelling MyKingdomForAHorse…but if it happens, hopefully he’ll post about it.

    that being the joke

  152. 152
    WereBear says:

    @Alison: Cats will come when they are called… but only if we call for good things.

    Quite sensible of them, actually. There is no cat template for “obey.”

  153. 153
    Concerned Citizen says:

    The best cat I ever owned was named Fungus. Give your cat a whacked out name. People will want to take care of it because you are a rotten bastard. This includes guests to your house, the folks at the veterinarian, etc…

    That cat lived till he was 19.

  154. 154
    cosima says:


    Or Stella, if you prefer to say it in the boring way.

  155. 155
    WereBear says:

    @Concerned Citizen: I think funny & funky names work so well for cats because they are very sensitive to the tones in our voice.

    If we sound happy saying their name, we must be happy they are there!

  156. 156
    General Stuck says:

    Love the name Ekaterina. You could shorten it to Ekat

  157. 157
  158. 158
    Ted & Hellen says:


    STELLA! Now THAT is the name!

  159. 159
    raven says:

    @Concerned Citizen: There’s a fungus amongus

  160. 160
    Princess Leia says:

    @Concerned Citizen: I agree about the whacked out name. Named one Djibouti and the vet LOVED it. Plus I got to sing to him “get Djibouti on the dance floor!” Everyone is jealous of that name.

    But I am hoping he chooses Stella, for the obvious amusements.

  161. 161
    Concerned Citizen says:

    @Princess Leia: I agree that Cole and Stella are excellent. The wife beater t-shirt image kills me.

  162. 162
    Stella says:

    I was going to suggest Mademoiselle FeFe LaFeet but Stella is good. :)

  163. 163
    Cassidy says:

    Ted & Hellen Says: Pie’s gone. I blame Obama.

    Even in the pie filter.

  164. 164
    koalaholik says:

    @Valdivia: Feliway really helps keep my ADHD 12 year old “kitten” from playing too hard with his sister. Kitty hissing fits are down, although the periodic racing through the house like a bat out of hell has not stopped.

  165. 165
    Baud says:


    Now that’s award-winning funny.

  166. 166
    Rosie Outlook says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: No, Tunch is fat. What’s-her-name is floofy. (my iPhone wanted to change “floofy” to “floozy.”. I do like the idea of John running through the street of his tiny town, screaming for his lost Floozy.

  167. 167
    Jerzy Russian says:

    @Betty Cracker: That link cracked me up. As I have often said, God bless Al Gore for inventing the internets.

  168. 168
    Steeplejack says:

    I am more of a “Let the cat’s demeanor suggest its name” kind of guy rather than a “Slap on an arbitrary name that sounds good” guy. The housecat, whom I’ve had for about six months now, came to me as “Sketcher,” which was obviously wrong, wrong, wrong. She is a classic gray tabby with bronze highlights, of indeterminate but probably late middle age. I semi-rescued her from a friend’s aged mother-in-law who was going into assisted living and couldn’t keep her. She (the cat) was alone in the woman’s storm-damaged house for a couple of weeks (with someone [allegedly] coming by daily to feed her) and then in lockdown at a PetSmart for a week, so she was a little crazy when I got her. She spent the first week hiding out and then gradually blossomed under the gentle ministrations of the Steep man.

    The name that emerged pretty quickly was Stella, back-story Stella Sketchington, with Sketcher as the now somewhat embarrassing nickname from the field hockey team at prep school way back when. I have managed to avoid Brando-esque outcries because I have always associated “Stella” more with Elizabethan poets who wrote things like “Ode to His Coy Mistress on Why They Should Get It On.” You know, classy.

    All of which is moot, because the housecat doesn’t answer to any name. She does respond to tone and body language, and she has formed a strong bond with me. She likes to be where I am, typically at her workstation beside my computer (microfleece throw with a heating pad folded into it) or sleeping on the bed with me at night. And she loves to be petted, despite her somewhat stoic, “steady on” personality.

    Cole, good luck on introducing the new cat into the menagerie. Sounds like you’re doing the right prep work.

    ETA: I see there has been a surge in support for Stella as a name since I left off to write this. Cool.

  169. 169
    gbear says:


    Before re-naming her, why not see if she responds to Oreo.

    I vote for ‘Doublestuff’.

  170. 170
    Concerned Citizen says:

    @gbear: No matter what happens Tunch could be ‘Doublestuff’.

  171. 171
    koalaholik says:

    @Xboxershorts: I’ve been socializing four feral kittens for 12 years, I know what you mean.

  172. 172
    Fordpowers says:

    Ariel. It’s over

  173. 173

    @Xboxershorts: I too have a 20lb orange kitty, her name is Inji, which means ginger in Tamil.

  174. 174
    gbear says:

    @Concerned Citizen: Well that settles it. New kitty keeps her old name, and old kitty gets a new nickname.

  175. 175
    vhh says:

    John is turning into a Crazy Old Cat Lady. Seriously, how many more 8-30 lb four foots can fit in yr bed?

  176. 176

    @Rosie Outlook: Well Tunch is fat and floofy

  177. 177
    Triassic Sands says:


    I vote for ‘Doublestuff’

    That’s a real stretch for a cat that weighs less than 8 pounds. Heavy irony.

    Maybe Quarter-stuff. I think Tunch has “Doublestuff” all to himself.

    It also occurs to me that if John really wants a name that fits, maybe he should forget about what he likes or what she looks like and wait to see what fits her personality. In that event, TunchPuncher might surface.

  178. 178

    I always liked the name Allergy for a long haired cat.

  179. 179
    gbear says:

    In the early 70’s there was a band in St. Paul called Snarly Grumble. I still think that it’s a good pet name for the right pet, but I’ve never been able to use it.

  180. 180
    WereBear says:

    Also good: characters from classic Brit-coms.

    Somewhere out there is a sleek Mr. Humphries with every hair in place.

  181. 181
    Birthmarker says:

    @Hungry Joe: Hey, Joe…I want to tell you how much I enjoyed your book, Anyway*. You have a knack for dialogue and an insight into what kids are thinking and feeling. And kudos for not letting the dog die!!

    I am a retired librarian, and I thought this was one of the better books I’ve read for the 8-12 crowd.

  182. 182
    Maeve says:

    If not Ariel then Miranda

    Just betting it’ll be a Tempest when she and Tunch meet.

  183. 183
    MikeJ says:


    Just betting it’ll be a Tempest

    Male monster from the id is the appropriate song here, at least for Forbidden Planet fans.

  184. 184
    tess (formerly librarian) says:

    @JustRuss: my first 2 cats were Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, aka Rosie & Gilda. Ah, English majors…

  185. 185
    tess (formerly librarian) says:

    @JustRuss: my first 2 cats were Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, aka Rosie & Gilda. Ah, English majors…@Josie: for awhile, we were afraid his name would be Duncan Do-Not, but he’s climbing the walls a little less lately. :-)

  186. 186
    tess (formerly librarian) says:


  187. 187
    Jay C says:


    Second you on using British TV as a good source of pet (cat) names; our youngest girl’s full name is Edina Rose Tyler; our second- youngest is Jeremy (like Mr Clarkson, but smaller and with an infinitely better personality!)

  188. 188
    eldorado says:

    it’s way too far in the thread for cole to be checking, but i’m going to suggest analisa as the very perfect name

  189. 189
    tjmn says:

    Please consider Polly for a name.

  190. 190
    furklempt says:

    I’m surprised Sharon is not in running for the name. Might as well give Tunch his proper wife . . .

  191. 191
    Montarvillois says:

    I do like Marlena, but 3 syllables are a pain – ditto Natasha & Abigail.

  192. 192
    Ramalama says:

    I vote for none of those names. You need something more weird to match the name of Tunch. How about Marlys, as seen through the cracked lens and pen of Lynda Barry?

  193. 193
    bemused says:


    Hah, no doubt if pie had been on the counter. That cat was food obsessed. We could not leave anything edible out. He would chew through bread bags, cereal boxes, steal corn cobs out of the garbage can, lick dishes or pots after meals. He did train us that we couldn’t leave the room after eating or cooking for a second. Food had to be put away, dishes washed and counters bare.

  194. 194
    Bulworth says:

    You’re gettin a new kitteh!? Yeah, hallejuah. More critters for the Cole Home.

  195. 195
    WaterGIrl says:

    @Short Bus Bully: Forget the national guard. I have been thinking that Cole needs to have WereBear on standby.

  196. 196
    Sasha says:

    Go for Hydrox. Besides the black-and-white connection, when her sweetness inevitably turns to evil, you can start calling her Hyde.

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