Open Thread

So I finally got around to buying a fireproof safe for my personal documents, and it came today. It was bigger than I thought it was going to be (I got it on Amazon), so as I was unpacking it, it was kind of bulky and heavy, and I somehow or another managed to lock the door with… the owners manual, combination, and keys inside.

I now have a 60lb door jamb.

How has your day been?

123 replies
  1. 1
    Raven says:

    Shootout with Dorner at Big Bear.

  2. 2
    JPL says:

    return it…

  3. 3
    PeakVT says:

    At least you didn’t drop it on your foot.

    …or are you just not telling us about that?

  4. 4
    Phoenix_rising says:

    My day’s been “helpful”:

    Cal the manufacturer, give them the item serial # and they will fax you the combination.

    Ask me how I know :)

  5. 5
    GoodGuyGreg says:

    “Door jamb,” ya goof.

  6. 6
    dmsilev says:


    Google up the owner’s manual; hopefully, there’s a default combination that you can use to open the thing (and then change the combination. I recommend 1…2…3…4…5)

  7. 7
    Maude says:

    This is why I love this blog.
    Maybe Tunch will sit on it instead of his plastic tree.

  8. 8
    Shana says:

    @Phoenix_rising: I agree. We had an old padlock with no record of the combination. They sent it to us. They’ll probably make you jump through a few hoops to make sure you’re legit, but contact them.

  9. 9
    Napoleon says:

    It has a combination and keys?

  10. 10
    scav says:

    or, a very good decoy safe and heavy weight for the bottom of Tunch Tower. Might even crowd him so much he has to abandon the floor.

  11. 11
    Waynski says:

    Pretty good Chait vs. Scarborough donnybrook going on.

  12. 12
    bemused says:

    I initially thought Cole just made this up to entertain us but…..nah.

  13. 13
    w3ski says:

    At least Tunch isn’t in there too. It could be worse!

  14. 14
    BGinCHI says:

    Set it on fire.

    Or cover it in cat food.

    Your choice.

  15. 15
    replicnt6 says:

    Do you have Amazon Prime? I read that they lose a bundle when someone orders something like a safe.

  16. 16
    Trollhattan says:


    On thing we know about Cole–he’ll never ever have to tackle fiction.

  17. 17
    bemused says:


    Oh yeah, that’s been fun. Chait seems to be astonished at what a dope Joe is.

  18. 18
    Ted & Hellen says:

    It is my belief, Cole, that you make up these CHARMING DOOFUS stories as part of your ongoing blog mystique campaign.

    Further, I allege there was NEVER any naked late night mopping.

    Yes, I went there.

  19. 19
  20. 20
    bemused says:


    Real life truly is stranger and funnier than fiction.

  21. 21
    Trollhattan says:


    Moar rope, Joe needs it.
    “Please proceed, Joseph.”

  22. 22
    RobertDSC-iPhone 4 says:

    The day has gone ok. One of my people has come down with the crud I got over last week. Not good.

  23. 23
    bemused says:

    Oh wait, where’s Tunch? Sitting on top of the safe instead of in it, hopefully.

  24. 24
    David Hunt says:

    Sorry things are not going well with the safe. I am glad, however, that the story did not go in the direction that I was expecting. As soon as I got as far as the safe arriving at your house, my first thought was, “Oh Lord, how did he hurt himself this time?” Glad to see that I was wrong.

  25. 25
    Avery Greynold says:

    Fireproof your main goal? Put them in the freezer. It’s a well insulated box with frozen things. The last thing to burn in a major home fire. Won’t do it forever, but even a fire resistant safe will bake its contents to ash in that bad of a fire.

  26. 26
    Schlemizel says:

    If it is key operated you might see if the local locksmith has a jiggler. If you can carry it to the carry he wouldn’t even have to make a house call.

    But I would start with the mfgr. The may have a default based on the serial number.

  27. 27
    bemused says:


    Joe’s been on a tear on this ever since Krugman was on the show. He’s seems a bit frantic…he must be worried Republican folks will start believing the economists instead of Fox business hacks.

  28. 28
    gbear says:

    How has your day been?

    Not as bad as yours.

    The fast food place I go to for lunch was having a really bad day today. I entered the parking lot right behind an ambulance with lights flashing and siren blaring. Apparently one of the help had a ‘panic attack’ that took her out completely. I saw her leaving on the gurney and she was wild eyed and shaking from head to toe.

  29. 29
    Calming Influence says:

    Just put the 60 pound safe on top of your important documents, and Tunch’s cat bed on top of the safe. Your documents will be totally secure.

  30. 30
    japa21 says:

    @bemused: Are we sure Tunch would fit inside?

  31. 31
    JGabriel says:

    @Ted & Hellen:

    Further, I allege there was NEVER any naked late night mopping.

    Fixed that for ya: added link for the newbies.


  32. 32
    taylormattd says:

    @japa21: Not a chance.

  33. 33
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    I now have a 60lb door jamb

    ..and Tunch has a new food tower.

  34. 34
    cg says:

    LAUGH OUT LOUD. Honest to God.

  35. 35
    Violet says:

    I spent two and a half hours on the phone with various doctors offices, the health insurance company, billing offices and so forth trying to figure out how I can get a CT scan of my sinuses for less than the apparently $500 it is going to cost me the way the doctor set it up.

    The doctor has quoted me $250 for his part of it (CT scan in-office) but they send the films to some radiology group to read and NO ONE can tell me EXACTLY what this will cost–not the radiology group, not the doctor’s office, not the THREE separate representatives from the insurance company I spoke with. NO ONE can tell me EXACTLY what my cost is.

    I’m about ready to tear my hair out. As I told the last guy from the health insurance company, “I can’t afford that and if I die of a brain tumor, whose fault will it be?” He didn’t know what to say.

    I fucking HATE our health system and I’m very, very lucky, and very grateful, to have insurance. But the amount of waste that goes into this stupid system is astronomical. I spent two and half hours of my time, and all those people had to spend their time totalk to me to explain that every doctor negotiates different rates, they can’t tell me costs until they actually receive the films (ie, get it done, then find out how much it costs), and there is NO way to compare apples and apples in terms of comparing what you get and how much it costs.

  36. 36
    Trollhattan says:


    “So, if Tunch and a fire safe weigh the same, they must both float and therefore…”
    “A witch!”
    “Bring the scales.”

  37. 37
    R-Jud says:

    How has your day been?

    Well, since you asked.

    In the morning I went to the dentist and had some fillings done.

    In the afternoon I went to a two-hour meeting with the educational psychiatrist and a phalanx of autism and special education experts.

    In the evening I went to the gym and managed to smash myself in the face with a 10kg medicine ball.

    My nose is not broken and I am having a whiskey sour. Things are looking up.

  38. 38
    Splitting Image says:

    Put the safe on top of the cat tower. Tunch will not only start using the tower, but he’ll knock over the safe, which will open when it hits the floor.

    I’ve seen it work on TV.

  39. 39
    different-church-lady says:

    On the assumption that you meant door stop

    1) Go back on Amazon

    2) Buy yourself a 60 lb door.

    3) quityerbitching

  40. 40
    Elizabelle says:

    All pets are accounted for?


    I am hoping Dorner survives.

    Yes, he killed at least 3 people in cold blood (the attorney’s daughter was assistant basketball coach at CalState Fullerton), but I think his testimony against the LAPD could be useful.

    Even homicidal narcissists may have some interesting, credible information to spill.

  41. 41

    Everyone loves a LOLCole story.

    I’m in deep trouble. My wife took our daughter to Nordstrom’s. She threw herself on the ground when it was time to leave and said she never wanted to leave and was going to take a nap there.

  42. 42
    Raven says:

    c-4 and det cord

  43. 43
    Soonergrunt says:

    @dmsilev: “1…2…3…4…5…”
    Hey, that’s exactly what’s on my luggage!

  44. 44
    bemused says:


    Nevermind, lol.

  45. 45
    Ben Franklin says:


    He apparently invaded a home, tied up 2 occupants then stole vehicle.

    It’s a good thing the couple wasn’t armed, because home invasions are safe, but rare.

  46. 46
    PeakVT says:

    @GoodGuyGreg: It’s not a doorjamb, either. A jamb is the part of the door frame where the hinges or strike plate are located. The correct word is doorstop (or door stop, or door stopper).

  47. 47
    👽 Martin says:

    @JPL: This. Return it.

    We should all be thankful Cole didn’t lock himself inside the safe, naked, with a dog and a mop.

  48. 48
    Trollhattan says:


    Repeating myself from an earlier thread, I don’t want his martyrdom; I want him to face the families of his victims.

    Per the LA Times “hundreds of rounds fired” at the cabin he’s holed up in, so the liberally-spraying-the-area-with-gunfire rule seems to still be in effect.

  49. 49
    JPL says:

    @R-Jud: Sounds like you need a whiskey sour.

  50. 50
    Trollhattan says:

    @Ben Franklin:

    You’re not getting a millimeter of traction with that shit ’round here, buddy.

  51. 51

    @Elizabelle: but I think his testimony against the LAPD could be useful.

    For this very reason, I bet his survival chances are slim.

  52. 52
  53. 53
    Raven says:

    @Ben Franklin: They yanked all the air assets, I wonder if he does have a sam or 2.

  54. 54
    Ted & Hellen says:

    I love you John Cole. You are so awesome.

    I swear, if I lived in your town, I would marry you, John Cole. You are a loveable dufus (Obot).

    That is all.

  55. 55
    Ben Franklin says:


    He certainly qualifies as a terrorist. But due process is gonna muck things up.

  56. 56
    srv says:

    @Splitting Image: you know I said on the other post that all I could think about when John ordered it was Towering Inferno… So your scenario with Tunch dropping a cig on top.

    John, you really need to f with your neighbors and future inhabitants, just bury it loudly tonight in the back yard and piss off whomever digs it up.

  57. 57
    bemused says:


    She is completely adorable.

  58. 58
    Ted & Hellen says:

    @Cris (without an H):

    For this very reason, I bet his survival chances are slim.


  59. 59
    Ben Franklin says:


    All the talk about his planning… When he couldn’t secure the watercraft in SD, his plan went to shit.

  60. 60
    eemom says:

    Cul de sac neighbors are selling their house, and today a fucking McMansion developer planted his fucking sign in their yard.

    SO. Fucking. Pissed.

  61. 61
    Raven says:

    If you want to hear some really stupid shit about Dorner turn on Tweety, he is one stupid motherfucker.

  62. 62

    @Raven: Kent, have you been touching yourself?

    @bemused: thanks!

  63. 63
    JGabriel says:


    Pretty good Chait vs. Scarborough donnybrook going on.

    I can’t beleive we don’t have an FP post on it yet. It’s the perfect opportunity to use the title: Scarborough Fair


  64. 64
    👽 Martin says:

    @Ted & Hellen: His survival chances are slim because he’s shot 5 police officers- one died. Nobody is going to stroll in there with handcuffs, only to get shot.

    Get a clue, folks.

  65. 65
    Raven says:

    @Ben Franklin: I think that was a diversion. Dude like him didn’t “drop” his wallet and badge.

  66. 66
    Maude says:

    And tomorrow we will be singing Rocky Raccoon.

  67. 67
    MaxxLange says:

    I think the time has come to start thinking about putting Cole into some kind of assisted living facility.

  68. 68
    Maude says:

    You watch ans tell me. I can’t handle any defense of a killer.

  69. 69
    Ben Franklin says:


    The badge is interesting. Don’t you have to turn it in when you get fired?

  70. 70
    Raven says:

    @👽 Martin: If he Chieu Hoi’s they’ll take him in.

  71. 71
    👽 Martin says:

    @Raven: They left the news copters up. There’s a ton of cameras on that house. He’s not going anywhere.

  72. 72
    dance around in your bones says:

    Good dog, the stuff that happens to you… hysterical.

    Watching all the coverage of the Dorner shootout/holed up in a cabin/shades of High Sierra. Hope nobody else gets wounded or killed. Imagine it will end up with Dorner dead.

    I just got the “Site That Wouldn’t Refresh” thing for the 1st time and I reopened BJ from Firefox’s (18.0.2)live bookmarks and now all is well. I’m even getting the actual videos on posts instead of videos from a week or two ago the actual videos would always show up once I opened the post in another tab. Small mercies.

    (And yes, I had cleared cache, cookies and even temp files several times over the last week).

    Still no autofill on nym/email, boo :(

  73. 73
    Redshift says:

    @Violet: My conclusion from years of having a family member with a chronic illness is that all health insurance companies are evil. Some are more evil than others, but they are all evil.

    The simplest argument against wingnuts trying to make people pay more so that the “free market” will solve all our healthcare problems is “why haven’t you ever passed a law that insurance companies have to tell us what we’ll have to pay, up front?” I mean, how can anyone think that people should be forced to pay more so they make good economic decisions, and not see the giant problem with not knowing the price tag until you’ve already bought it?

    Of course, addressing that would require that they actually be sincere (if misguided) in caring about costs, but we all know they actually just care about insurance industry dollars and FREEDUMB!

  74. 74
    Raven says:

    @Maude: He’s not doing that, he’s just asking really dumb ass questions.

  75. 75
    Raven says:

    @👽 Martin: So you think I thought he was going to escape? Come on. I was born at night but not LAST night.

  76. 76
    R-Jud says:

    @JPL: Really what I need is a SECOND whiskey sour.

  77. 77
    honus says:

    @GoodGuyGreg: No, it’s not a “door jamb” either. A door jamb is the part of a door opening most people call the door frame.

    You pick up a lot of useless trivia working as a carpenter for 18 years. Don’t even ask about the difference between mullions and muntins.

  78. 78
    Elizabelle says:


    That is true.

    He must face his victims’ families.

    Meanwhile, the local gendarmes are trying to take him out.

  79. 79
    Raven says:

    @Ben Franklin: You can get badges all over the joint.

  80. 80
    PIGL says:

    You are an damnèd unlucky wight. Promise us you’ll never go to sea.

  81. 81

    @eemom: Don’t you wish you could win the Powerball, just so you could use your winnings to buy properties out from under that hateful developer?

  82. 82
    Raven says:

    @honus: No kiddin, I still can’t get over what a window sash is!

  83. 83
    JPL says:

    @R-Jud: What can happen.. Enjoy! As a grandma wanna be, can I say that Bean is the cutest little one ever.

  84. 84
    Violet says:

    @Redshift: Yeah, it’s so ridiculous. And this is a fairly small issue. For someone dealing with a chronic condition, like yourself, it’s nightmarish. I’m drained after talking to about eight different people today–trying (and mostly failing) to get them to understand my question. I mean, I couldn’t even get them to understand what I wanted to know–how much is it going to cost me out of pocket. Just how hard is that to understand, even if you don’t know the answer? Apparently very difficult. Ugh.

    I had to do things like call up the various entities and get their Tax ID numbers and ridiculous crap like that. The hoops you have to jump through just to get answers that should be pretty simple are ridiculous. Our system is awful.

  85. 85
    dance around in your bones says:

    Ok, I take the ‘no autofill’ thingy back – just opened a previous post, and by gum, there it was!

  86. 86
    johnny aquitard says:

    @ranchandsyrup: Your wife or your daughter?

  87. 87
    Raven says:

    @Violet: My bride is going through the same thing with all her back treatment. We are insured and I am trying to get her to worry about other aspects of the treatment.

  88. 88
    Violet says:

    @Raven: It’s just nightmarish. Their goal is to wear you down so you just pay more. Just like how health insurance companies “lose” 15% of the claims they receive. They hope you won’t notice. They hope you’ll give up and go away.

  89. 89
    Raven says:

    @Violet: Ah, I get it now.

  90. 90

    @johnny aquitard: LOL I’m on the hook either way. My wife reluctantly will leave Nordy’s. My daughter had to be dragged out kicking and screaming and now wants to live there.

  91. 91
    Maude says:


    ETA Would they be dumb questions to someone who didn’t know anything about this?

  92. 92
    Raven says:

    @Maude: Yes. Mathews was named by Dorner in his manifesto. At the start of the show Tweety was all over “I don’t know anything at all about this situation”. You bet your ass if you were mentioned by a guy that was killing people you’d know about it. Later it was obvious he DID know about it and then kept asking all kinds of other stupid shit.

  93. 93
    Ben Franklin says:


    I had no idea.

  94. 94
    honus says:

    @Raven: Double-hung, casement, or awning sash?

  95. 95
    Elizabelle says:


    Can you borrow some lawn ornaments?

    About a miniature golf course’s worth?

    Don’t make it easy on these weasels.

  96. 96
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Ben Franklin:

    It’s a good thing the couple wasn’t armed, because home invasions are safe, but rare.

    Yes, it would have been much better for them to confront a multiple murderer, because the mere fact that they were Good People With A Gun means that they would have been able to get him to surrender instead of, you know, him blowing their heads off like he did his other victims. Because Good People With A Gun always, always triumph over the bad guy.

    You sure have some weird movies running in your head.

  97. 97
    Ben Franklin says:


    Okey dokey….

  98. 98
    Raven says:

    @honus: Double hung. The first thing I did when we bought this house 13 years ago was take apart all the window frames to replace and repair the counter weights. The first one I did I did the whole job, put it back together, caulked and painted. The first time I opened the window the weights busted right through the rope and I had NOT cut and access to them. I did the rest of them correctly!

  99. 99
    Maude says:

    Thank you again. That’s what I thought he was doing. I am so tired of ignorance.

  100. 100
    Redshift says:

    @eemom: That sucks. My in-laws’ next door neighbors sold their house to a developer who tore it down and started building a McMansion that actually went slightly over the property line. Then the buyer lost money in the crash and couldn’t afford it, so they finished it as quickly as possible. Some very nice people moved in a while later, and we got to find out that the monstrosity has yuppie-appeal crap like gold-plated faucets, but the construction is shoddy and it’s already starting to fall apart.

    People can buy McMansions in McMansion developments if they want, but people who build them in older neighborhoods are just awful. And nearly always have dreadful design taste, as well.

  101. 101
  102. 102
    Maude says:

    Cold be replacement windows, double hung, no sash rope.

  103. 103
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    Oh John, you never fail to bring us joy.

    p.s. my cat tree is a few months old and all four of my cats where on it somewhere, snoozing together. Tunch will get there. I think mine ignored it the first two weeks.

  104. 104
    Maude says:

    #101 If you show a picture of that, I’m gonna come out there and smack you down a rat hole.

  105. 105
    jeffreyw says:

    @Maude: Trying to set the FYWP comment cookies.

  106. 106
    Raven says:

    @Redshift: We have a big battle going on here in Athens. We live in a historic district and some folks in an adjacent area want to become one. (The neighborhood made famous by the B-52’s Deadbeat Club) Developers have thrown up some huge joints and the small mill houses that are left are in danger.

  107. 107
    David in NY says:


    If it’s any consolation, it turns out that nobody can actually find out how much medical procedures are going to cost. Not even the NY Times.

  108. 108
    Redshift says:

    @Violet: Yup. About the least-bad case is being with one insurance company long enough that you learn all of their tricks for not paying (“we sent you a form about whether you have other insurance, and we won’t pay until you return it and we don’t lose it,” “more information requested,” etc.) I dread switching to a new insurance plan and having to learn how to fight them all over again.

  109. 109
    Violet says:

    @David in NY: Oh my goodness. Thanks for the link. It certainly fits with my experience. It’s just awful to try to find out what something costs.

    My next step is to call back to the doctor and tell them I’m not having the procedure unless they can tell me EXACTLY what my out of pocket costs will be–including sending the films to the radiologist. The doctor’s office should be in a much better position to figure out what the radiologist will charge and what my costs will be than I am. I don’t even know the right language.

    If they can’t tell me, I’ll walk. I’m happy to tell them that. I’m also happy to write a letter to the practice letting them know what’s going on. Maybe they don’t know what their business office is doing. They were supposed to call me to go over my costs before the procedure–says they will right on the paperwork. They’ve had a week to call. They haven’t. So I called them today and that started the two and a half hour nightmare.

  110. 110
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Redshift: I look at all those houses built fast during the bubble and think of what they’ll look like in 20 years. While I laugh at them from my small house with real plaster for walls and 3/4″ oak for floors.

  111. 111
    Violet says:

    @Redshift: Oh yeah. I’m very familiar with them not paying for stuff. I keep very good records and follow up. I’m also happy to send them things with return receipt so I know they’ve got it. Doesn’t mean they haven’t “lost” it though–more than once.

    My personal favorite was submitting two receipts for the same doctor. They only paid one. When I called to find out why, they pulled up my submittal–there it was, scanned in and right on their screen. They just didn’t pay the second one. So they resubmitted it and eventually paid it.

    Like I said, they “lose” things and do whatever they can to avoid paying.

  112. 112
    jl says:

    Go find Rosie and Tunch and point at the safe. Yell at them not to touch it, it is very important not to mess with it. Thing will be ripped open by tomorrow morning.

    Then you can drag it out back and use it for pizza oven or something.

    It will work out all fine.

  113. 113
    Tonal Crow says:

    Ask Tunch to open it with his mighty paws.

    P.S. GYWP!

  114. 114
    Full Metal Wingnut says:

    I dunno why some people online are pretending Dorner is the hero. I wish more people were on trial instead of killed by cops. But if this guy does die his shooting of more cops here and continuing firefight has something to do with it no? If he wanted to surrender he wouldn’t be in a shootout. I have a problem with cops killing people who don’t pose a threat or who surrender. A perp who starts and continues a shootout? Eh.

  115. 115
    Full Metal Wingnut says:

    Also too, this Dorner asshole made it clear in his manifesto that he will not be taken alive and will kill anyone who tries to take him down. So I don’t see the preemptive rage against the cops currently getting shot at by a suicidal lunatic. If he is shot to death, for once in my life I will not feel sorry for someone killed by cops.

  116. 116
    gnomedad says:

    Put it in place of the cat tower Tunch was ignoring … he’ll start romping on it just to piss you off.

  117. 117
    Carnacki says:

    Am I the only one who was expecting the post to end, “…and the doctor says I can be released from the hospital on Saturday.”?

  118. 118
    JWL says:

    Do not store your fire proof warranty in that safe.

  119. 119
    NotMax says:

    BTW, happy 204th birthday anniversary to Honest Abe.

  120. 120
    oldswede says:

    @Avery Greynold:
    Fire-proof also does not mean heat-proof. Anything plastic, like CDs or DVDs will melt, so if there are important records on discs, say bye-bye in a fire.

  121. 121
    cwolf says:

    I somehow or another managed to lock the door with… the owners manual, combination, and keys inside.

    I nominate John Cole to be in charge of all the Nuclear Weapons in the world.

  122. 122
    Ed or Edna Dane Defender of Donuts says:

    Just be glad you didn’t do that sort of thing while you were in the military Cole. That would another demerit or two.

  123. 123
    What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us? says:

    Thanks for the laugh John. You seem to be the walking embodiment of Murphy’s Law.

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