Open Thread: Okay, Now Ol’ Handsome Joe Is Just Screwing with The Media…

From TPMLiveWire:

Vice President Joe Biden joked on Monday that he will not try to succeed the outgoing pope, CNN reports.

While visiting Philadelphia, the Catholic vice president answered a question on Pope Benedict XVI’s decision to resign his position by saying, “I am not running.” …

Yes, he’s qualified: the rules state that any Catholic male is eligible for the Papacy. This has led to many Nino Scalia jokes, but not enough Rick Santorum mockery. I personally suspect Sen. Sanctorum is still hovering over his Vatican hot line, just in case

76 replies
  1. 1
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Pope or Jill? Pretty easy to answer. Obama and Biden seem to be doing a lot of simply trolling and f-ing around with people these days. One gets the idea that winning the election loosened them up a bit.

  2. 2
    Redshirt says:

    Guido Sarducci

    It’s time.

  3. 3
    PsiFighter37 says:

    Going to Philly for the long weekend coming up. Anyone got some good brunch/lunch suggestions? (we’re already set for dinner)

  4. 4
    Ed or Edna Dane Defender of Donuts says:

    I offer this >.>

  5. 5
  6. 6
    Mnemosyne says:

    Baked potato soup is just as good the next day. Yum.

    This stupid cold seems to be heading for my larynx, because I’m losing my voice.

  7. 7
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @PsiFighter37: Pho 75, 1122 Washington Avenue.

  8. 8
    Mnemosyne says:

    Also, I’ll reiterate my two religiously-themed Britcom recommendations:

    “Father Ted” — Three bad priests exiled to a remote island off Ireland’s coast. Don’t miss parts 1 and 2 of “Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse.”

    “The Vicar of Dibley” — Because when else will you get to see Dawn French playing a minister?

    Both are on Netflix and/or Netflix Streaming.

  9. 9
    Johnnybuck says:

    Honestly, in 2008 did you really think that Joe Biden could be this cool? He might never be President, but he’s the coolest VP evah.

  10. 10
    Robert says:

    I’m a baptized Catholic male. I’ve already put my hat in the ring for the papacy. My platform is equality and charity work. Every living person should be treated equally, so no more discrimination. Every person deserves help when they need it, so charity and outreach would be encouraged. And a living person has to be able to, you know, live, so no more of this conception=life nonsense. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.

    And by others, I mean men.

    And by some, I mean any woman who decides upon an abortion.

    I eagerly await the call from the voting cardinals to confirm the proper spelling of my name and credentials.

  11. 11
    shortstop says:

    Speaking of Joes, has this been covered here?

  12. 12
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @shortstop: It has come up in passing during a couple of threads. No front paging though.

  13. 13
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Mnemosyne: I’d go with Richard Chaimberlain of The thorn Birds. If we’re going to have scandals, could they at least be worthy of a seven part miniseries?

  14. 14
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Redshirt: When JPII died he predicted on an Air America show(hosted by some guy named Franklin or Frankel, what ever happened to him; he was funny) that the next pope would be Benedict the 17th, they’d skip a number.

  15. 15
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Mnemosyne: Picked up a King Taco burrito on the way home from the courthouse, yum. I’m done with jury duty(only one day). Thanks to WIFI in the jury room, my tablet, tunes on the table, and Balloon Juice; jury duty didn’t suck too much.

  16. 16
    TriassicSands says:

    Scalia will have to take a back seat to Archbishop Alito.

  17. 17
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    I personally suspect Sen. Sanctorum is still hovering over his Vatican hot line, just in case…

    I”d be willing to bet he already has the robes and hat

  18. 18
    Mnemosyne says:


    Pasadena courthouse, I take it? G got his jury summons — he’s going to Burbank, but he has high hopes he’ll get transferred back to Glendale again.

    We went to King Taco for dinner after our afternoon wedding in Pasadena in 2006. It was yummy. :-)

  19. 19
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I”d be willing to bet he already has the robes and hat

    I thought about what use he might have for them and ::shudder::

  20. 20
    fleeting expletive says:

    It seems a little odd that the deity’s schedule for transferring the Papacy can be, what is it, gregorian calendar. On FEBRUARY 28, ol’ Bennzoil just sheds himself of his holy powers, or his access, I guess, to Holy Infallible Dictu.

    What an admission that it’s all just the paperwork.

    OK, Change the stationery on March 1. What does His Holiness, Pope Elvis, Peter from Africa guy, Someone from South America, or any old ManPope prefer for his Holy Font on his papal office stationery.

    Will there be a change in Vatican cooks, menus, personnel (as in household staff).

    It is odd to have kinda sorta overlapping popes. Dibs on the bandname kinda sorta overlapping popes.

  21. 21
    Violet says:

    Does anyone have a Cuban black beans recipe they like? I tried one tonight and was underwhelmed. Looking for suggestions.

  22. 22
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Mnemosyne: Nope, not Pasadena, Mosk(civil) court in downtown. There’s a King Taco off San Fernando in Glassel Park. I’ve served in Burbank a few times(the wife will change to that court since she works in Burbank). I was on a civil trail there where the judge had prosthetic ears(very old) and during the trial one fell off.

  23. 23
    Sly says:

    Is Chris Christie too fat to be Pope? Newsweek should get on that.

  24. 24
    SarahT says:

    @Mnemosyne : Father Ted = BEST : “Drink ! Feck ! Arse ! Girls !”

  25. 25
    fleeting expletive says:

    Have not seen Father Ted, but I dearly love Vicar of Dilbey. Only on where I live at 11:30 pm on Sunday nights.

  26. 26

    @Mnemosyne: Maybe someone has found a Bishop Brennan-style “family vacation in America” video of Ratzi.

    Too bad Dermot Morgan is no longer with us, they could have produced a “Kicking Pope Ratzi up the arse” episode.

  27. 27
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Sly: I could actually support Pope Christie. He’d probably be a liberal in the Curia.

  28. 28
    Mnemosyne says:


    If I’m at the downtown courthouse, I go to Phillippe’s. It’s a cliche, but I don’t care.

  29. 29
    max says:

    Yes. While I like the idea of Pope Joe I, Pope Father Ted I is WAY better. I mean, it’s not like it would be any different than it is now; it would just be overt.

    Violet: Does anyone have a Cuban black beans recipe they like? I tried one tonight and was underwhelmed.

    I do, but I just got the cookbook and haven’t tried them yet. ;/ This recipe seems similar to the one I have. Going off other (Mexican, spicy) bean recipes I have used, it sounds like it should be pretty good.

    [‘I’ll holler when I try this one.’]

  30. 30
    fleeting expletive says:

    Oh good grief. Once in a while I like to sample the offerings of network tv and mostly can’t stand it.

    So I just watched a few minutes of something called “Monday Mornings”, a TNT series about hospital surgeons, like perhaps Grey’s Anatomy maybe (ya think?). Few minutes in, they’re talking about “if we only had tort reform”.

    Serious bullshit on our tv.

  31. 31
    Mike E says:

    @Mike E:

    Joe Biden will be the next pope. Book it.
    February 11th, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    You’re welcome!

  32. 32
    Mnemosyne says:


    G works in Glassell Park, so he may have to go hunt down the King Taco the next time his guys need a lunch treat. They love to give the gringo mystery food, so it would serve them right if he came back with a bunch of cabeza and lengua tacos.

  33. 33
    Mnemosyne says:


    “That would be an ecumenical matter!”

  34. 34
    PeakVT says:

    Possible North Korea nuclear test just happened. Let me emphasize possible. USGS link, which looks normal except they are getting DYFI responses from inside NK, which basically has no internet.

    ETA: I wonder if Kim is making his bid for pope. Hmmm…

  35. 35
    trollhattan says:

    Sweet romping Ronny Reagan on a raft of Jody Foster movies, how many more of these do we need?

    EASTVALE, Calif. — Authorities say an 8-year-old boy who found a handgun in a Southern California home has accidentally shot a man in the head.

    Riverside County sheriff’s officials say the incident occurred shortly after 10 p.m. Saturday in Eastvale. The boy discovered a loaded .45-caliber handgun in a dresser drawer and fired one round into the floor.

    A 39-year-old man sitting downstairs at a kitchen table was struck on the top of the head by the bullet. He was taken to a nearby hospital and treated for a non-life threatening wound.

    Sheriff’s investigators said 40-year-old Carlos Santillan Serafico was arrested for investigation of negligently maintaining a firearm accessible to a minor. It was unclear if the boy was related to Serafico.

  36. 36
    EnfantTerrible says:

    Pope Benedict’s career and Moira Shearer’s most famous movie role both end the same way:

    “Take off the red shoes!”

  37. 37
    Mnemosyne says:


    Don’t worry — I’m sure that Serafico will be going to jail for his negligence in letting someone be wounded with his gun, unlike the white guy who accidentally killed his son.

  38. 38
    Mike E says:

    @PsiFighter37: Honey’s up in NoLibs, they were highlighted on Food Network’s Triple D. Miss E and I eat breakfast there whenever we’re up.

  39. 39
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Mnemosyne: My tummy was bothering me a bit and I wasn’t really hungry by lunch time so I skipped lunch. However, I did go to Phillippe’s to stock up on their mustard.

    FYWP for erasing my Name and Mail and making my type this twice, FYWP!!!

  40. 40
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Mnemosyne: Cypress & Roseview, almost typed Rosemont lived in Montrose too long. I like the King Tacos in the ‘hood’ better, I tried the one in Pasadena once, wasn’t quite the same.

  41. 41
    Origuy says:

    I’ve already seen a handwritten poster on a lamppost that said “THE NEXT POPE IS THE ANTICHRIST”. Of all places, this was at Story and King in East San Jose, the heart of the Hispanic area.
    “NEXT” was written differently, so I don’t know if it was added later. I suspect someone from one of the Pentecostal churches that have been targeting the Hispanic community for a long time.

  42. 42
    NotMax says:


    rom inside NK, which basically has no internet

    Well, it has full internet capability, but severely restricts connectivity (FYI, the Vatican is listed as providing some IPv6 services to N. Korea).

    That does not mean that N. Koreans are unversed with the tech though, as there is a state-run, tightly state controlled ISP and intranet (Kwangmyong), with access available 24/7 for free, providing e-mail and the posting state-approved pages/sites from the global internet in addition to ubiquitous state propaganda since 2000.

  43. 43
    wasabi gasp says:

    The pinnacle of award scam opportunities is slipping by Newt’s greasy sausage fingers.

  44. 44
    PeakVT says:

    @NotMax: Thanks for the correction.

  45. 45
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    @Violet: This is the only one I’ve ever made. And you can use dried beans of course. If they underwhelm, don’t let me know, but if you find one you really like, please share. :-)

    p.s. really tired of having to sign in every time. When is that rebuild set happening?

  46. 46
    NotMax says:


    Also too, this little nugget (from 2007):

    Somewhat surprisingly, the North Koreans also produce some of the software for mobile phones made by the South Korean company Samsung, which began collaboration with the KCC in March 2000. North Korean computer experts have received training in China, Russia and India, and are considered, even by the South Koreans, as some of the best in the world.  Source

    And Wikipedia’s page on Kwangmyong.

  47. 47
    SatanicPanic says:

    @Mark S.: That’s about the least surprising thing I’ve read all day, but still good to know. The most shocking thing about Merchants of Doubt was that the same shit has been pulled by the same group of a half dozen people so many times already.

  48. 48
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    @Violet: Sorry the link didn’t work. Trying again:

    Cuban Black Beans and Rice

  49. 49

    @NotMax: That makes me feel just awesome.

  50. 50
    Yutsano says:

    @TaMara (BHF): Are you having a server issue? Your blog isn’t opening for me for some reason.

    And as I type that it magically appears.

    EDIT: I bet if you threw a poblano in place of the green pepper it would be magical!

  51. 51
    SarahT says:

    @Mnemosyne : Hahaha ! Way too hard to choose but my fave might be the Eurovision Song episode : “My pretty horse running through the – – – FIELD…”

    @EnfantTerrible : Brilliant ! I am SO stealing that !

  52. 52
    Michael says:

    New twitter account might be best joke account ever. “Florida Man” simply copies/pastes headlines featuring the phrase “Florida Man,” creating the image of one crazy asshole doing all these things. A sampling:

    “Drunk Florida Man Tries To Use Taco As ID After His Car Catches Fire At Taco Bell ”

    “Drunken Florida Man Leaves His Baby At A Daytona Strip Club Liquor Store”

    “Florida Man Busted In Dinosaur-Smuggling Caper”

    Just fantastic.

  53. 53

    @Michael: That is pretty funny. The actual articles are almost unnecessary, the headlines are enough.

  54. 54
    SarahT says:

    @The prophet Nostradumbass :

    Yeah, really sad that Dermot Morgan died so young – such a loss. So few episodes, and every one a gem. Sigh…

  55. 55
    askew says:

    anyone have a cure for insomnia?

  56. 56
    Alison says:

    @askew: I was gonna say something snarky but then I felt bad because not being able to sleep when you need/want to really sucks. I usually just put the TV on something non-distracting (I find L&O reruns are good) on low volume, and then lay down and start sort of planning out the next day, in minute detail. Like, think your way through the whole day, with eyes closed, steady breathing, etc. Sometimes it can help to sort of lull your brain into sleep.

  57. 57
    NotMax says:


    Traditional folkloric remedy is a small glass of heated milk*. YMMV, especially dependent on what is causing the insomnia.

    *As I don’t care for the taste of milk, I add a shot of scotch or brandy – gives it a more egg noggy taste.

  58. 58
    different-church-lady says:

    …Sen. Sanctorum is still hovering over his Vatican hot line…

    You can’t unthink something…

  59. 59
    Yutsano says:

    @NotMax: A little dusting of nutmeg helps there too.

  60. 60
    askew says:

    Thanks guys. I am ready to try anything so I’ll do the warm milk and thinking about nothing ideas. I’ve even taken a sleeping pill earlier tonight and nothing.

  61. 61
    Alison says:

    I feel either super organized or kinda silly because I just ordered my parents’ anniversary gift, but their anniversary is in August.

    But it was tickets! So I needed to get good seats. And in fact I should’ve done it a week ago and gotten better but oh well. Now when they arrive in the mail I’ll have to find a place to hide them where I won’t forget about them in six months.

  62. 62
    Wallis Lane says:

    Habemus Biden !

    My guess is that instead of the puff of white smoke over the Vatican, we’ll get an Amtrak train whistle instead.

  63. 63
    Aimai says:

    @Alison: Put the ticket location in your calendar for the date when you give them the tickets.

  64. 64
    Joseph Nobles says:

    What’s the secret to making the front page believe it’s today and not last week?

  65. 65
    Alison says:

    @Aimai: Oh, no, I meant that I won’t forget where I put them :) I could see myself tearing my room apart the night before. But actually, I could use the Google calendar reminder to include a “THEY’RE IN YOUR UNDERPANTS DRAWER, DUMMY” note :)

    ETA Okay I just reread your comment and realize this is basically what you were saying. Duhhhhh in my defense it’s late and I’m watching TV :P

  66. 66
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael: Riffing off the Onion’s area man, obviously.

  67. 67
    Schlemizel says:

    That was the first thing I thought of. OTOH – the shear number of whackadoos making headlines in the toilet with palm trees makes it certain Florida Man will have a long and glorious run

  68. 68
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Schlemizel: I suspect one could find similar for all 50 states. Hmmm. Maybe a twitter empire. “(state) man” is lazy headline writing, sort of like “council meets.”

  69. 69
    WereBear says:

    @askew: I use this with great results:

    Night Rest with Melatonin

    And if you want to order from the site, use the code WAY903 to get $5 off.

    I realize it won’t help TONIGHT. But if it is a chronic situation, it needs a “chronic” solution.

  70. 70
    rea says:

    Ancient prophecy states that the next Pope will be the last one:

  71. 71
    Mnemosyne says:


    When my insomnia is that bad, it’s usually because something is bothering me, so the only cure is to write down everything that’s in my head. Once it’s all out, I can then try to go back to sleep.

    Also, for some reason counting backwards from 100 works for me.

  72. 72
    Mnemosyne says:

    Argh. Stupid double post.

  73. 73
    Violet says:

    @max: @TaMara (BHF):
    Thank you both! I’ll give them a try and let you know.

  74. 74
    John says:


    Sabrina’s (910 Christian Street or 1804 Callowhill Street or 34th & Powelton) is the place everyone swears by for Brunch, although I’ve never been there.

    Tommy DiNic’s in Reading Terminal Market is great for lunch – I highly, highly recommend the pulled pork sandwich there, although it’s not for the faint-hearted.

  75. 75
    Julia Grey says:

    Re: Insomnia. Watch out for hidden caffeine, which can last longer in the body than you think, especially as you get older. (Lots of people say “caffeine doesn’t affect me.” Lots of people are unaware that caffeine may interfere with how WELL they sleep, even if it doesn’t actually keep them awake.)

    You probably already know about tea, Excedrin Migraine and some other pain relievers, Mountain Dew, Mello Yello, Dr. Pepper, Yahoo (and anything else with chocolate). But stay away from stuff with guarana in it, too. They’re putting that in everything from sunflower seeds to oatmeal to beef jerky these days. No kidding!

    As a rule I avoid anything with a label that references “energy” or “perk” after 2 p.m.

  76. 76
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Julia Grey:

    Caffeine genuinely doesn’t keep me awake, but I have ADHD, so my brain chemistry finds stimulants to be soothing rather than, well, stimulating.

    It does make me have to get up and pee in the middle of the night, though, which is a whole different way of disturbing my sleep. ;-)

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