I Hope You Know This Will Go Down on Your Permanent Record

Here’s PornHub’s very SFW SuperBowl commercial, which was rejected by CBS. I can’t believe it’s just about 8 hours to kickoff and the CBS pregame show hasn’t started. Am I still living in America? Open thread.

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52 replies
  1. 1
    JGabriel says:

    I hear there’s some sort of athletic contest today, a team-based gladiatorial sport where score is kept by the number of traumatic brain injuries each side inflicts on the other?

  2. 2
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    The pregame show has been going since August. You’ve just gotten used to it.

  3. 3
    JGabriel says:

    Since it’s an open thread …

    A light coating of snow today in NYC. Little tarmac-colored three-pronged footprints in the white snow says it’s no thicker than a pigeon’s claw. Quite pretty.

    .

  4. 4
    RSR says:

    Also rejected: SodasSream, who dares to suggest millions of plastic bottles sold by BigSodaCos might be a net negative for everybody.

    I love my sodastream, although I usually just make seltzer with it, rather than soda/pop.

    Watch the #SodaStreamAd they wouldn’t let you see during the Big Game: @SodaStreamUSA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68al-o2XSpE

  5. 5
    cmorenc says:

    I am among the minority of red-blooded Americans who has near-zero interest in the stupor bowl. But nothing against the rest of you who get great pleasure out of it!

  6. 6
    Schlemizel says:

    Was just watching Thursday’s TDS. If you have not seen “They Do Not Like You Barack Obama” you have not seen one of the most bitter pieces Stewart has done. It is biting, hilarious and dead on – both as political comment and Dr. Seuss parody

    http://www.thedailyshow.com/wa.....et-fighter

  7. 7
    Ben Franklin says:

    Can MTP get any worse? Only if Chuck Todd is Host……wait.

    Hammering Hagel—–again.

  8. 8
    BGinCHI says:

    Man, that commercial is arousing.

  9. 9
    Zagloba says:

    Dafuq?

    Methinks that commercial got rejected for being frakking boring, more than any other factor.

    Why couldn’t PornHub have picked up the “dude gets eaten by a Venus Fly Trap” ad campaign, instead of that no-name haircuttery? Plus, it would have given culture studies people a great discussion case for years, and opportunity to take cheap shots at the porn biz and television and sports all in one nice tidy package.

  10. 10
    Amir Khalid says:

    Without, uh, the company’s logo, I’d have absolutely no idea what product the commercial was selling. I guess that the commercial got rejected, not because it wasn’t safe for broadcast, but because of the product advertised i.e. pr0n.

  11. 11
    Jerzy Russian says:

    @Schlemizel: Thanks for the link. It was indeed funny. It did, however, contain a large dose of stupid (e.g. Fox News clips), and I will need a few days to recover from that.

  12. 12
    The Dangerman says:

    What’s the over/under on C1alis/V1agra commercials?

    Besides, PornHub is a stupid fucking name. Now, where’s my GoDaddy porn?

  13. 13
    PsiFighter37 says:

    @Amir Khalid: Can’t go advertising about something any red-blooded male will be able to discover on his own, also too.

  14. 14
    Short Bus Bully says:

    Porn doesn’t actually exist, so says the MSM.

    Violence, on the other hand? FUCK and YES!! Gimmee more!

    Our incessant need to beat the shit out of one another and other countries might have something to do with the fact that too many folks can’t get properly laid because of religious neurosis and don’t want to talk about it because SHAME ON YOU.

    But what the fuck do I know? Moar violence pleez…

  15. 15
    ruemara says:

    I was watching MHP and her sports/big game roundtable hit a lot of the questions I always ask myself about these sports. Why the fuck should the citizens pay for these stadiums? Why don’t we get a cut of the profits if we have to pay for the redevelopment? Why should we put transportation in spaces that head to the game, yet don’t link up transportation to poorer areas who need transport? I have a huge problem with funding the toys of rich men. Which is why I only root for the Packers. And by root, vaguely recall that that’s the only team I recall something decent about so, um those guys, yeah.

    Porn needed advertisement?

  16. 16
    jon says:

    It depicts a loving couple, probably straight and married. But it’s got “Porn” in it. And why is porn bad? Because of the objectification of women? I’m sure none of that will be in any of the other commercials or even the broadcast itself. Thank you, CBS, for protecting us from any depictions of scantily-clad women, sexual teases that may incite lust, and from the possibility that those two elders are really big fans of creampies, ATM, MOAB, or facefucking.

  17. 17
    beergoggles says:

    As if porn needs any advertising…

    Also too, Penny Arcade on football

  18. 18
    Ed in NJ says:

    Do the idiots commenting here about the porn commercial realize that not only adults watch the Super Bowl.

    Maybe it’s ok for you, but I’d rather not have my 11 year old son directed to a porn site. He’s got plenty of time to find them on his own. A year or two more of innocence, if you don’t fucking mind, ok?

  19. 19
    beergoggles says:

    @Ed in NJ: Dude, if he’s 11, he’s already found your porn bookmarks and whatever stash you have in the back of your sock draw.

  20. 20
    MC Simon Milligan says:

    @beergoggles: To quote one of the nerds from Teen Girl Squad; “Fantasy football is still fantasy!”

    Also, this.

  21. 21
    ThresherK says:

    @RSR: GAQ (genuinely asking question): Is Sodastream different than Ye Olde Seltzer Spritz bottle? We go thru a lot of seltzer in our house too and have thought about one or the other.

  22. 22
    Ed in NJ says:

    @beergoggles:

    You’re an idiot. 6th grade boys, for the most part, have no interest in girls yet. Many of them have not even started puberty, so your statement is moronic. They’ve only just been introduced to the reproductive system in school health class. I know it’s common to think that kids are so advanced beyond their years, and that may be true for teenagers, but here in suburbia, they really are still innocent kids.

    Also, because I’m a responsible parent, my children don’t have unmonitored computer/internet access, so I know exactly what my son is looking at. And no, I don’t need to bookmark my porn, and don’t own a single magazine or DVD.

    As a father, I have an issues with all the boner drug commercials that we are already forced to watch and explain. Thinking that it’s a good idea to allow porn advertising on afternoon TV really is an indication that you are fucked in the head.

  23. 23
    FlyingToaster says:

    @Ed in NJ: Lighten up, Francis.

  24. 24
    jon says:

    Seriously, how is porn worse than the Go Daddy commercials that promise uncensored content if you go to their site? How were those okay? Because the porn didn’t have the word “porn” attached?

    And I was uninterested in porn for a long time, but it had nothing to do with my “innocence” or ignorance of its existence. I just had other interests. Just like testing alcohol and other drugs, porn is found as soon as its sought. And I’d rather have my sons discovering the variety of sexual possibilities on PornHub and seeing a plethora of possibilities than I would have them get whatever comes along in links from their friends. No, actually I wouldn’t. But I know it’s out there, that they’ll eventually see it, and that it won’t turn them into lustful cuntmonsters or whatever fears we have about heterosexual possibilities. Teenage boys are still the main reason teenage girls aren’t having lots of sex with teenage boys, and that will be true whether or not those teenage boys are “innocent”, ignorant, knowledgable, conscientious, feminists, sexist, or even suave little fuckers.

  25. 25
    Short Bus Bully says:

    @Ed in NJ:

    Annnnddd… you’re dumb.

    I’m a father too, and not only that, I remember very well what it was like to be a little kid. I had my first “girlfriend” in second grade. Had no idea what it meant or what I was supposed to be doing, but I sure as hell knew that she was cute (Sally Gilmore, if you’re curious, and I have no idea where she is today).

    6th grade boys, for the most part, have no interest in girls yet.

    They might not be but their bodies sure are. And if you think they are waiting patiently for a school health class to tell them what to do before they start to find answers to their questions you are fucking high. I remember 6th grade distinctly. I got my first kiss (Laureen Coleman, we’re FB friends now) and my guy friends and I talked about girls pretty much non-stop.

    We were not unusual either, just normal kids in a rural nearly all-white American middle school.

    I know it’s common to think that kids are so advanced beyond their years, and that may be true for teenagers, but here in suburbia, they really are still innocent kids.

    Your awakening is going to be rude, and very soon. I hope that no one is going to get pregnant while you still think they’re thinking about playing with G.I. Joe and My Little Ponies when they get home from school.

    You’re their DAD fer Chrissakes. Wake the fuck up!

  26. 26

    @jon:

    I had to look up MOAB.
    That was one boring commercial. I’d reject it too, no matter what it was for.

  27. 27
    kindness says:

    Did you read where The KKK got a new spokesperson for their closely held belief that people can hate & exclude ‘others’ openly. Yes Chris Culliver was set to appear as a new recruitment face for the clan. The only problem? Well Chris is blacker than the Muslim Kenyan Socialist tyrant. They’re having a real hard time wrapping their heads around that. The dilemmas of today’s modern Klan.

  28. 28
    2liberal says:

    @jon:

    And why is porn bad?

    porn is bad because it creates an economic incentive to treat women like cattle. It isn’t bad because of the impact on those who watch, rather for the impact on those who make it.

  29. 29
    jon says:

    Why is porn bad compared to any other form of sexist crap? Because the women are more naked?

  30. 30
    Brachiator says:

    Here’s a little sports nugget while you are all waiting to get your Super Bowl on:

    Caltech snaps 228-game skid

    California Institute of Technology’s baseball team ended a 228-game losing streak Saturday with a 9-7 victory over Pacifica — the Beavers’ first win in nearly 10 years.

    After dropping the first game of its season-opening doubleheader 5-0, Caltech won the second behind a complete-game seven-inning effort by freshman Daniel Chou. Caltech hadn’t won since Feb. 15, 2003.

    “It was almost as if they had been there before,” first-year coach Matthew Mark said.

    It was a non-conference game, though, and Caltech, mainly a Division III participant, has not won a Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference contest since 1988 — a span of 463 games.

    Caltech’s men’s basketball team ended a 310-game conference losing streak in 2011, while the women’s volleyball team ended a 56-match losing streak last year.

  31. 31
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    Everything wrong with our politics in a couple of sentences:

    PAUL KRUGMAN: But when we say public sector jobs, it is not a bureaucrat in Washington, D.C.
    FIORINA: Oh, it is, actually.

  32. 32
    mdblanche says:

    I was going to say that the only thing anybody could find objectionable about this commercial was the company sponsoring it and it looked just like dozens of commercials for other products, but then I realized I’m not allowed to say what those other products are on here. You hypocrites.

  33. 33
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @ruemara: Baltimore, Baltimore, Baltimore, Baltimore. Actually, it’s worse than that, they took money out of the Baltimore schools to steal a football team.

    And the reason is because they’re assholes.

  34. 34
    jon says:

    @2liberal:

    porn is bad because it creates an economic incentive to treat women like cattle. It isn’t bad because of the impact on those who watch, rather for the impact on those who make it.

    Really? Porn is bad because the actors are not unionized? I know it’s gone mainstream quite a bit, but even my laissez-faire viewpoint on the matter provides me with plenty of other concerns.

    I think the concerns about porn are the “They’re going to take our guns!” reducto ad absurdum when we look at our culture’s sexism. I’m not exactly “fine” with porn, but more accepting of it, when I look at other instances of sexism out there and find them to be worse. I’d rather more actors do nude scenes and not pretend to have to go through a host of fake apologies for having a body (Anne Hathaway) or faux outrage that their privacy was invaded (Princess What’shername) when they could just say “Because it’s my body and I didn’t want to wear anything over it! Fuck you!” I can’t say I’m a huge fan of Girls, but if a woman can be nude and offend people because she doesn’t go through the fauxpology tour of shame (Sharon Stone’s justifications for her flashing scene went from absurd to insane,) then GO FOR IT!

  35. 35
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @Ed in NJ: hahaha, if your son has no interest in girls yet I think there’s something he’s not telling you. I went to kindergarten/1st grade too, buddy–apparently you’ve forgotten all about it–I haven’t–buddy, we had crushes and were talking about sex at age 4/5–sure we didn’t have the urges a pubescent child has–but the curiosity and nascent interest was there.

    Get real.

  36. 36
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @2liberal: I disagree. Porn is a job–you might was well tell me that cleaning bed pans is terrible because of the impact it has on workers. Porn does have a negative impact on watchers just as vibrators have a negative impact, in that they acclimate you to an intensified sensation that is not going to be found in a sexual encounter with another human being. Porn focuses on what looks good visually, not what feels good (at least, the US porn we’re familiar with). Because Americans won’t teach their kids anything useful about sex, kids are learning from porn and what they’re learning is counterproductive.

  37. 37
    Another Halocene Human says:

    the french are spending a lot of money teaching their kids about food b/c mcd’s is like food porn

  38. 38
    Alias Undercover says:

    Porn does have a negative impact on watchers just as vibrators have a negative impact, in that they acclimate you to an intensified sensation that is not going to be found in a sexual encounter with another human being.

    It is if you’re doing it right. ;-)

  39. 39

    @Another Halocene Human:

    But when most cities put the “let’s tax ourselves and give the money to billionaires” issues on the ballot, the voters approve. It doesn’t make sense to me, but that’s how it usually goes.

    I would like to see a Venn diagram of the people who support such measures and the people who believe that TANF provides an easy living to undeserving moochers.

  40. 40
    jon says:

    @Another Halocene Human: There’s really no set age when sexual interest “clicks in”. I had urges and feelings and desires for many years that weren’t focused on any other or even myself necessarily. Sex and desire and what turns us on is not a series of switches that go on at an appointed time or with the right cues, but far more complex than that. Your mileage may vary, but that’s a good thing. I’d rather everyone’s mileage vary.

  41. 41
    Linda Featheringill says:

    Ed in NJ

    What a sweet, innocent lamb you are.

    But we know now that if your kids run into any kind of problem during their teen years they certainly won’t be coming to you for help and advice. Because you are stupid.

  42. 42
    double nickel says:

    I understand today is the day you folks are celebrating the American version of the Grey Cup.

  43. 43
    Sargeant Pepper's Spray says:

    porn is bad because it creates an economic incentive to treat women like cattle. It isn’t bad because of the impact on those who watch, rather for the impact on those who make it.

    What does this make gay porn? When men treat men like cattle, what is that -other than a lot of beef? And freedom, obviously. I think this is a question for Glenn Beck.

  44. 44
    Thlayli says:

    Oh yeah? Well, don’t get so distressed.

  45. 45
    Anoniminous says:

    Actors and actresses (if that’s the words I want) in the Porn industry have a higher incidence of STDs than Nevada prostitutes. (See here.) With Multi-Drug-Resistant Gonorrhea hitting pandemic levels:

    In 2011, 30.4% of isolates collected [by the Gonococcal Isolate Surveillance Project] were resistant to penicillin, tetracycline, ciprofloxacin, or a combination of these antimicrobials.

    The physical health risk to the workers is in dangerous territory.

  46. 46
    jon says:

    @Anoniminous: I haven’t made any sort of extensive research (even my computer’s cache can’t be that big, and I do other things in life,) but most of the porn on free pornsites isn’t coming from “The Porn Industry”. It’s a lot of self-submitted (or loathesomely not-self-submitted but revenge-focused) amateur stuff.

    I certainly wouldn’t say it’s a great profession, especially with all the diseases out there, but I’d guess most of the participants do it as a hobby. For them, it’s about as dangerous as much of what’s considered to be dating.

  47. 47
    Joel says:

    @ThresherK: I’m a carbonated water addict. Got the bug in Europe and never dropped it.

    Sodastream is the best product out there for it. I used to use a spritzer but it couldn’t carbonate all that effectively. It also had the problem of metal shards in the soda (because the cap on the sealed CO2 cartridge would blow off into the drink once punctured). Refills on the Sodastream have gotten progressively more expensive, but you can buy a converter that allows you to use paintball canisters with it.

  48. 48
    jon says:

    West Virginian in the news. Awesome work, bro.

  49. 49
    Djur says:

    “vibrators have a negative impact”

    I’m sorry :(

    Just a heads up on Sodastream: some of them are manufactured in an Israeli West Bank settlement. Some people have a problem with that. It’s worth knowing.

  50. 50
    Woodrowfan says:

    6th grade boys are not interested in girls? huh, that’s the age I first discovered the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and a boy brought his older brother’s Playboy to school to show it off. Yeah, other stuff was more important than girls still, but we were starting to notice girls…

    But yeah, keep the ads for porn to the late night shows. And please, get rid of those awful GoDaddy ads.

  51. 51
    Joel says:

    @Djur: Enh, no worse than buying materials mined in Tibet or oil from just about anywhere.

  52. 52
    Death Panel Truck says:

    @Woodrowfan: You didn’t look at your first Playboy until you were 12? When I was six, a older kid who lived next door (he was a friend of my oldest brother) showed me his collection of dirty magazines (he called them “fuck books.” That still makes me laugh even today.)

    It was on that day that I knew I was a heterosexual.

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