Barely Even a Whimper

I’m looking for the perfect bitchy, envious girl group song to commemorate Sarah Palin’s dumping by Fox News. This one’s close.

I saw someone suggest (maybe on Twitter, I can’t find it now) that Palin’s next move might be a subscription website similar to Glenn Beck’s The Blaze. I doubt it. The only thing that Sarah and Glenn have in common is that they’re both crazy. Glenn is a fairly disciplined hard worker who spends a lot of time grooming the rubes who tune into his daily spew. Here’s one example: he recently launched his own line of jeans that sell for $130 a pair. Glenn can ask that kind of money from his dimwitted followers because he’s built up a “village-cobbler, there’s-a-guy-in-the-Village-making-your-jean ethos” through careful media placement and probably endless hours of gabbing about pants on his radio show.

Getting a million “likes” on Facebook, which is Palin’s only accomplishment that wasn’t backed by some TV network, is a hell of a different thing from persuading your followers to spend twice as much as they’ve ever spent for blue jeans for a pair from your store. I’m sure Sarah is cooking up some new half-baked scheme to stay in the limelight, but I don’t see any way for her to make the kind of money that Beck routinely rakes in from his band of hayseeds.

63 replies
  1. 1
    different-church-lady says:

    Oh, it’s easy: she just continues to say whatever comes into her head, and liberal/progressive/dem website repeat it.

    If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was a false-flag operation of Daily Kos.

  2. 2
    JenJen says:

    Volcano Girls, Veruca Salt.

    Leave me lyin’ here, ’cause I don’t wanna go!

  3. 3
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    She and Beck are going to be competing for the same chumps. It’s not like the chumps they’re going after have the same oceans of cash that Rove’s marks have.

  4. 4
    BGinCHI says:

    “Janice Says,” by Un Deux Trois.

    Perfect. Catchy.

  5. 5
    J.D. Rhoades says:


    Yeah, but how do you make any money at that?

    The fun part’s going to be the angry and embarrassed foot-stomping of wingnuts now whenever anyone dares to bring up their former poster girl.

  6. 6
    Short Bus Bully says:

    Sarah’s only requirement was that whatever she did wasn’t very difficult and didn’t take up much time. Hence her foray into politics. The only other thing that would work for her is moar TV!

    And yeah, that ship has sailed…

  7. 7
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    All that money spent on the in-home TV studio…and now no one cares at the down link about her transmissions.

    My heart pumps buttermilk for her.

  8. 8
    p.a. says:

    Palin and Camille Paglia are in negotiations with HBO for an American version of ‘Absolutely Fabulous’.

  9. 9
    piratedan says:

    well here’s a nice breakup song since Faux and Sarah have parted ways….

  10. 10
    mistermix says:

    @JenJen: The hiding under the covers stuff is perfect for Sarah.

    @BGinCHI: I like it. Length is good, too (I like really short pop songs.)

  11. 11

    Any Taylor swift song about being dumped

  12. 12
    Bobby Thomson says:

    One thousand Sarahs by Eddie from Ohio. Not a girl band, they’re a folk pop group from Virginia, but it works.

  13. 13
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    I saw some comments triumphantly warning us libs that we’ll all eat it when she runs for SEnate and takes Begich’s seat. Too much work to run, too boring if she wins. Somebody, Mr Van Susteren or that woman (an ex-screenwriter?) who wrote most of her internet stuff will figure out how to monetize her for a few more years, grifting dwindling fees from smaller and smaller right wing groups– 2015, the Lackawanna County Chapter of Concerned Women for America is thrilled to announce a pancake supper with Sarah Palin! for five grand and the deluxe suite at the local Holiday Inn. But ultimately I predict she’ll wind up like Tammy Fay Baker, appearing on stage with her own drag queen impersonators, without a trace of guilt or self-awareness

  14. 14
    Triassic Sands says:

    Weird, with Beck’s jeans, there’s the “classic cut” and the “straight cut,” but where’s the “Dumpy Bumpkin Cut,” which is surely what Glenn himself would wear?

    Palin herself may not be smart enough to figure out endless ways to separate all the suckers out there from their money(especially those who think she’s a beauty), but I’m sure the right person could find a niche for Palin that would bring in millions and millions of dollars.

    Jeebus, just imagine how much she could make from a line of life size Sarah Palin blow-up dolls? Why Bill Kristol alone would probably be willing to buy several hundred for his own personal use. Divorce rates in the Red South might skyrocket, but Sarah would make a killing.

  15. 15
    Amir Khalid says:

    I wonder how many pairs of overpriced dad jeans Glenn Beck has sold. Dimwittedness and high disposable incomes don’t usually go together.

    As for Sarah Palin, I’m surprised that she has lasted this long. I thought that when she resigned as governor of Alaska, her petulant and childishly written speech would be the end of any credibility she still had.

  16. 16
    Karounie says:

    Maybe instead of competing with Glenn Beck she should try competing with Wayne LaPierre.

  17. 17
    CarolDuhart2 says:

    Since her looks are her biggest selling point (one that’s fading fast), I expect a Playboy spread soon or some explicit pictures.Fast cash, publicity, and maybe a bit more cash. But only if she feels if all other options or a political comeback unlikely.

    Hopefully she’s gotten enough for a pension and social security, and enough for grifting to prevent her from writing her own tell-all book. Or she could restart a volcano or two on her way out of the limelight.

    It just occurred to me: radio show on wingnut network? Yes, she sounds like a screecher, but I bet there are enough to actually make a go at it, especially if she is being subsidized by the Koch brothers or some such group. It would also keep her in the limelight, pay a salary of sorts, and keep her wingnut followers in the fold.

  18. 18
    donnah says:

    Her fifteen minutes of fame lasted much longer than she deserved, and while her name will still probably be trotted out by her adoring, idiotic fans at the next election, she’s done. She has not aged well politically and her snide harpy routine can’t compete with Ann Coulter.

    Take out the trash.

  19. 19
    Roy G. says:

    I foresee years of obscurity, then a reemergence in a starring role in Permafrost Boulevard, a remake of Sunset Boulevard:

    ‘Alright, Mr. Ailes, I’m ready for my closeup.’

  20. 20
    Mr Stagger Lee says:

    @Triassic Sands: The restrooms where the office of NRO may not be the place to go, if Rich Lowery gets a hold of one of those, and I’m not talking starbursts either.

  21. 21
    Violet says:

    Glenn Beck may be crazy, but he’s willing to do work. Sarah Palin does not do work. There’s no way she’ll have an empire like Beck.

    Despite her latest Breitbart interview (sorry, no link–go find it yourself), Sarah will not be happy about being dumped by Fox. I bet there are a few new dents in her refrigerator today.

    One friend of the Palins’ remembers an argument between Sarah and Todd: “They took all the canned goods out of the pantry, then proceeded to throw them at each other. By the time they got done, the stainless-steel fridge looked like it had got shot up with a shotgun

  22. 22
    Villago Delenda Est says:


    Playboy won’t touch her.

    Hustler might, though. Flynt has a wicked twisted sense of humor.

  23. 23
  24. 24
    Violet says:

    @CarolDuhart2: I wonder if she’s angling to be on Dancing with the Stars. Or maybe Survivor. Ha–that might be funny to watch, Palin on Survivor.

  25. 25
    LanceThruster says:

    Not so much ‘envious’ but Blondie’s “Rip Her To Shreds” comes to mind when I think about Ms. Palin.

  26. 26
    BGinCHI says:

    @mistermix: Check out the whole EP.

    They also have a full length but with a full band. They’re called Mount Moriah (on Merge Records).

    Great full-length. Countrified rock/pop.

    Highly recommended from BG.

  27. 27
    CarolDuhart2 says:

    @Violet: Wouldn’t be surprised. She can still draw a few eyeballs to the show, and it’s not as if she has anything better to do anymore.

    A long time ago I thought (and maybe this is a way out) she would somehow get religion and become some sort of tv evangelist. Easy donations, can keep sermons simple (or deliver some written by others), rehabilitate her image, and so forth. Not to mention this is the closest thing to a lifetime gig she could have. No more elections to worry about, no more worrying about tv ratings, just piety and cash.

  28. 28
    Mark F says:

    Never expected to see a Pipettes song/video linked to. Nice to see someone else has heard of them. One of my favorite songs by them.

    As for Palin – whatever.

  29. 29
    smintheus says:

    Velvet Underground, Stephanie Says:

    Stephanie says
    That she wants to know
    Why she’s given half her life
    To people she hates now.
    Stephanie says
    When answering the phone,
    ‘What country shall I say is calling
    From across the world?’
    But she’s not afraid to die.
    The people all call her Alaska.
    Between worlds, so the people ask her,
    ‘Cause it’s all in her mind.
    It’s all in her mind.
    Stephanie says
    That she wants to know
    Why it is though she’s the door,
    She can’t be the room.

    “It’s so cold in Alaska”

  30. 30
    Todd says:

    The epitaph for her public persona should be “just a mean girl who topped out as a small town mayor, and couldn’t hack a governorship”.

  31. 31
    PurpleGirl says:

    @CarolDuhart2: A gig as a TV evangelist does make a certain amount of “sense”. She already has some cred as a crazy fundagelical, it can be expanded to a TV audience. Not megachurch worthy but there would be a following.

  32. 32
    socraticsilence says:

    Why did you have to link the jeans, I read all the stuff and they actually look like a good product that has a high price point for understandable reasons– if the SnowBilly sold jeans they’d be made in Vietnam and wear out in one washing- she’d still charge a hundred or so though.

  33. 33
    LanceThruster says:


    This. She’s always looked for easy money, and fleecing the flock is some of the easiest. She wouldn’t even have to go L. Ron Hubbard or Joesph Myth (though I imagine the cult of personality leader could shake that tree too – crazy like a FAUX), she could just tap into whatever cash stream she felt would be “generous” with the spigot. It’s essentially the FOX Noise gig in another wolf’s clothing. She gets paid to spout nonsense that others desperately need to affirm their own mythology. If your god hates the same things you do, it’s probably not real. She’ll rally the ignorant. Nothing offends a person more than to reject their deeply held beliefs, These are the battlelines she’ll draw.


  34. 34
    redshirt says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: She’ll never do a nudie spread – not good for the brand. The daughter might though.

    I could see some sexy “intellectual” pics like Mika did, for the NRO or Forbes or some such.

    She should definitely work the religious angle. Good money there. Speaking in tongues is more accepted also, too.

  35. 35
    JCT says:

    @LanceThruster: Beat me to it!

    And please guys. Playboy or Hustler spreads staring the Snowbilly Grifter? Talk about an emetic.

  36. 36
    Amir Khalid says:

    There are perfectly good dad jeans to be had for less than half what Beck is charging.

  37. 37
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    @Triassic Sands:

    Weird, with Beck’s jeans, there’s the “classic cut” and the “straight cut,” but where’s the “Dumpy Bumpkin Cut,” which is surely what Glenn himself would wear?

    The “classic cut” is the dumpy bumpkin cut. Marketing!

  38. 38
  39. 39
    Violet says:

    @CarolDuhart2: The only problem with her going to the religious speaker route is that she wants to be Prom Queen. Religious speakers aren’t seen in that way.

    I think she’ll end up on the lower tier of the wingnut welfare circuit. She’ll get a reasonable amount of money to go talk to lesser wingnut organizations and meetings. I don’t know how long that will last, though.

  40. 40
    eldorado says:

    to be fair, beck is mormon, so he’s understands grifting for the long term

  41. 41
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    But ultimately I predict she’ll wind up like Tammy Fay Baker, appearing on stage with her own drag queen impersonators, without a trace of guilt or self-awareness.

    Hey, now, don’t be mean to Tammy Faye — she became a genuine gay icon and publicly supported gay marriage.

  42. 42
    red dog says:

    Sarah should come out with a line of eyeglasses as her caricature always shows. No fuss, no bother, just a few TV ads for the makers. I should be her agent….from afar.

  43. 43
    cckids says:

    @smintheus: Nice! I’ve always thought of her when hearing Green Day’s “Last of the American Girls”:

    She puts her makeup on like graffiti on the walls of the heartland,
    She’s got her little book of conspiracies right in her hand
    She will come in first for the end of Western Civilization
    She’s a natural disaster,
    she’s the last of the American Girls

  44. 44
    A Farmer says:

    It would be pretty ironic if Beck was buying these union-made jeans and selling them to virulent anti-union viewers with 150% profit margin.

  45. 45
    Villago Delenda Est says:


    A fine example of the back-handed compliment.

  46. 46
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @red dog:

    In one of the books on Palin that came out in the wake of her veep run, someone mentioned that she had lasik surgery to correct her vision, but still insisted on wearing glasses even though she no longer needed vision correction.

  47. 47
    IowaOldLady says:

    How about running for McCain’s Senate seat? Didn’t she buy a house in Arizona?

  48. 48
    redshirt says:

    Have y’all seen the pictures of Palin checking out the Enquirer at the super market? She’s rocking this strung out 80’s backup singer look hardcore. It’s pretty awesome, actually.

  49. 49
    Yutsano says:

    @Mnemosyne: Tammy Faye turned out to be a righteous old broad in the end. It’s sad she never could shake the cancer that ended her life.

  50. 50
    peorgietirebiter says:

    @Roy G.: Give me your standard moose grave shot Karl.

  51. 51
    gelfling545 says:

    In other failed right wing crazy candidate news, I heard today apparently Carl Paladino wants to run for the Buffalo School Board. This is an awful thing because school board candidates usually just have their friends & relatives show up & vote for them & they’re in. I sort of doubt that he actually resides in the district although he certainly owns a lot of property here. Just when you think things can’t possible get worse, along comes Carl Paladino. We need a failed right wing candidates’ home for the bewildered or something to keep them from wreaking havoc upon the populace.

  52. 52
    Chris says:


    A long time ago I thought (and maybe this is a way out) she would somehow get religion and become some sort of tv evangelist.

    No way. Most of the people who would tune in to that are the sort of people who couldn’t stand a woman evangelist.

  53. 53
    JimG says:

    Perhaps this might be a better song / girl group for any Palin commemorations:

  54. 54
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Chris: I disagree. There are a number of women who do evangelism on the TV. They aren’t as big as the males — Joel Osteen, Pat Robertson, Franklin Graham, and the others — but they have a presence. There’s Joyce Meyers, there are a number with web presence who make a tidy living. She wouldn’t be a minister but she can preach and do a talk show-styled thing. As long as she was still somewhat submissive, they’d accept her.

    But the one thing that counters the idea is that she would have to work at it. It would depend on how much real work she would have to do. We know she doesn’t like to work too hard.

  55. 55
    Ken says:

    “The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun” by Julie Brown.

  56. 56
    RepubAnon says:

    Sarah’s brand is the “ban stuff that old white racists fear” – I’d say her next gig is with the NRA, promoting women’s assault rifles.

    Give Sarah Palin her due: she read the market, realized that President Obama’s re-election meant the end of the Glen Beck style of mainstream hate, and cashed in while the money was still there. If hate makes a comeback, she’ll be on it like a Pajamas Media wanna-be on a bag of Cheetos.

  57. 57
    smintheus says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: To be fair, certain conditions like severe astigmatism might still require glasses, and after about age 40 a lot of people regress back to needing glasses.

  58. 58
    smintheus says:

    @cckids: “She’s an endless war” Ha, I hadn’t thought of that but you’re right.

  59. 59
    Chris says:


    I stand corrected. Huh.

    As for her work ethic, I think the absolutely crazed love that her groupies have for her somewhat makes up for that – they’ll come up with excuses for everything for her. (“Sure, she quit Fox News, but only because they didn’t appreciate her enough.” “Sure, she quit the governor’s job, but only because the mean liberals traumatized her.” Or my personal favorite, “sure, she spent like a drunken sailor during the McCain campaign, but only because the McCain campaign made her spend that money on clothes because they’re too elitist to realize that a working class gal like her looks better in regular clothes.”)

    If there really is a niche for women like her in the evangelist business, I would guess that she could do a pretty good job of just being a guest star, occasionally showing up when she feels like it. They’d make excuses for why she can’t make more time for her, and the rarity of her appearances would only drive them crazier with love when she did show up.

  60. 60
    Arclite says:

    How about this one? Not girls, but close:

    Bye bye bye!

  61. 61
    Jim Treacher says:

    And yet you guys track her every move…

  62. 62
    Splitting Image says:

    Shakespear’s Sister

    No, not “Stay”, obviously. The other one.

  63. 63
    Paul in KY says:

    @CarolDuhart2: I think she’s painted herself in a corner, vis a vis doing Playboy or something like that.

    If she was going to, she better get that photographer up there pronto.

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