I just had the dumbest argument with my mother ever. She was watching PTI, and Kornheiser and Wilbon were discussing which Harbaugh brother the Harbaugh parents would root for, and before she could finish her story I blurted out “If Seth and I were both coaches in the Super Bowl, I know damned well you would root for him over me.”
It went downhill from there, until I realized that this phone conversation reminded me of the conversation in Chuck v. the Sandworm where Morgan and Chuck were under surveillance by Casey, who wanted to kill himself after listening to them debate what sandwich they would take with them to a desert island:
Morgan: So what’d (Sarah) say?
Chuck: She said… if she were stranded on an island, she would definitely take roast beef!
Morgan: No way!
Chuck: It’s true man! (Shows Casey listening, who rolls his eyes)
Chuck: Do you have any idea how violated I feel right now!?!
Casey: You feel violated?!? No, no, no. My ears feel violated, ‘cuz they have to listen to you and that moron Morgan yammering on for four hours about what sandwich you’re gonna take if you’re stranded on a desert island!
Chuck: What are you, nuts? Nobody was talking about sandwiches for four hours, come on!
(Casey hits the play button on his console)
Chuck: (On tape) Think about it: this is a desert island, Morgan. Mayonnaise simply doesn’t fare well in the tropics.
Morgan: Yeah, but define sandwich, ‘cuz technically you could put anything between two slices of bread. For instance, could I bring a Jessica Alba sandwich to said desert island?
Chuck: Well, I suppose-
(Casey stops the recording)
Chuck: Well, I’ll have, you know, I stand by my mayonnaise theory.
Am I the only one who has these conversations with his mom?
*** Update ***
I called my brother Seth, Walt, and both sisters, and without missing a beat they all agreed mom would root for Seth’s team in the Super Bowl. Two minutes after getting off the phone with my sister Annie, she texted me and said her fiancee, without hesitation, said mom would root for Seth. When confronted with this overwhelming evidence, my mom told me to go to hell and hung up. Not for long, because she called back two minutes later to ask me how I felt now that my Super Bowl team had lost.
I don’t think I like her.