Yeah, I know it’s Tuesday, but I was watching the Patriots get clobbered Sunday night and only just got around to watching the latest “Downton Abbey” episode. I’m not sure why I like this show so much, but I think part of the appeal is the furry bum of Sir Robert’s yellow lab in the opening sequence:
Thanks to some jackass in one of John’s earlier “Downton Abbey” threads, I know way more about the fate of some of the main characters than I would like (kindly feast on a bag of kipper-flavored dicks, spoilers!). But the program is still compelling, even if it is merely a soap opera with better production values, above-average acting and interesting period costumes.
I doubt writer / executive producer Julian Fellowes reads Balloon Juice, but just in case, here are some ideas: Lady Edith should run off with the tall ginger footman and found a publishing empire. Mrs. Hughes needs to sneak into Carson’s quarters and make him a Cheerful Charlie. Anna should send Bates a cake with a goddamned file in it already. O’Brien and Thomas the Valet should grapple on the tallest Downton spire and fling one another off simultaneously.
Lady Mary and Matthew should hiss recriminations at one another until both are transformed into gooey puddles of self-righteousness and self-regard. Tom and Lady Sybil should return to Dublin, open a pub and become patrons to James Joyce.
Sir Robert and Lady Cora should accidentally get locked in the wine cellar, consume massive amounts of port and hurl drunken, scathing “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf”-style verbal abuse at each other. The Dowager Countess should not change a bit.
Please consider this an open thread.