The Jokes, They Write Themselves

In my hotel in the middle of nowhere, thrilled to know there was website drama while driving across country. At any rate, at least everything is fixed now. Stumbled across this story and got a good chuckle:

A former Catholic priest at Bridgeport’s St. Augustine Cathedral who was recently busted in a nationwide crystal meth ring also liked cross dressing, “bizarre sex toys” and having sex in his rectory with “odd-looking men,” a report said on Thursday.

I can’t be the only one who read that, saw “having sex in his rectory,” and started giggling like a little boy.

44 replies
  1. 1
    kerFuFFler says:

    Giggling here too.

  2. 2
    yam says:

    That phrase wasn’t an accident…

  3. 3
    different-church-lady says:

    …and started giggling like a little boy Bevis and Butthead.

  4. 4
    BC says:

    I want pics of the “odd looking men”!

  5. 5
    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn says:

    Glad you could have a nice giggle.

    You *are* aware that we were all running around with our hair on fire, afraid our trolls would abandon us and this place would become a Russian porn site, right?

    Oh, the humanity. Pay yer bills, deadbeat.

  6. 6
    cathyx says:

    I wonder where the catholic church will relocate him to.

  7. 7
    scav says:

    @BC: Well, if only they’d been non-odd looking men with standard-issue sex toys in the rectory, everyone would understand. Bats in the belfry, men in the rectory. .

  8. 8
    Maude says:

    I didn’t email about the site.

    That line is wonderful. Chortle.

  9. 9
    wenchacha says:

    And I place the blame right where it belongs: on the Summer of Love.

  10. 10
    Ash Can says:


  11. 11
    Keith says:

    A violated rectory?

  12. 12
    Librarian says:

    Huhehhuhuhuhuheh, he said “rectory”.

  13. 13
    BGinCHI says:

    Where does a priest get the scratch to have a meth habit?

    And do you think they called him “Mother Superior” on account of the length of his habit?

  14. 14
    BGinCHI says:

    Also, per the post title, the jokes do not write themselves.

    That’s what the hard-working commentariat is for.

  15. 15
    Mnemosyne says:

    Hey, given that he seems to have been playing his sex games with consenting adults, this seems to be a step up for the Catholic Church. They should make him a monsignor.

  16. 16
    BGinCHI says:

    @Mnemosyne: Agreed.

    Also, isn’t saying “odd-looking men” in Bridgeport the same as saying “men”?

  17. 17
    Ted & Hellen says:

    Rectories are bestories.

  18. 18
    Ash Can says:

    @Mnemosyne: Funny you should mention that. From the link:

    According to a Wednesday statement from the U.S. Attorney’s Office, Monsignor Kevin Wallin and four other men were indicted in an alleged drug operation…

    (Yes, really.) :D

  19. 19
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    Sex with odd-looking men?

    Hold on a sec. I need to check and see if I have been violated.

  20. 20
    scav says:

    Odd looking men in the Rectory with Bizarre Sex Toys. Best game of Clue ever.

  21. 21
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Ash Can:

    It’s like I’m psychic! Or just a fallen-away Catholic.

  22. 22
    Calouste says:


    Where does a priest get the scratch to have a meth habit?

    The church might want to compare the average takings on the collection plate before and after the start of the meth habit.

  23. 23
    JoyfulA says:

    @Calouste: the article said he was making a lot of money selling meth.

  24. 24
    BGinCHI says:

    @Calouste: On the other hand the priests had a lot more energy.

  25. 25
    danielx says:

    Odd-looking men, indeed. Inquiring minds want to know…

  26. 26
    Fwiffo says:

    What… like the back of a Volkswagen?

  27. 27
    srv says:

    Not wise to bring a car to California

  28. 28
    kindness says:

    Oh noes! Cranked up priests!

    Father forgive me for I have sinned…snnnnorrrttttt…..

  29. 29
    Comrade Mary says:

    “Rectory? Damn near killory!”

    Nah. Doesn’t work as well as the original.

  30. 30
    TenguPhule says:

    having sex in his rectory with “odd-looking men,”

    The Catholic Church is trying to ween off having sex with children by having sex with midgets instead?

    So a more disgusting version of Nicorette Gum. Progress!

  31. 31
    notgonnahappen says:

    Life experience has taught me that the more prudish and extreme people are in public the more they are suppressing something in their private lives they don’t want people to see. Like priests and little boys, and people who try cure gay people then get caught on vacation with someone from from

    I fully expect one day I will be reading about an S&M dungeon in Michelle Bachmans basement where she lures unsuspecting gays for her husband to fulfill his sexual fantasies while she sits on a sybian.

  32. 32
    stickler says:

    Wait, the priest was selling meth, too? Hoo boy, when _Breaking Bad_ stops filming, the same team can just gin up a sequel, featuring Walter White’s priestly cousin.

    _Breaking Habits?_
    _Mass Effects?_

    Man, I’d put that series in my Netflix queue.

  33. 33
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Ah, Bridgeport. I miss you sometimes.

  34. 34
    LABiker says:

    Bob Eubanks: First question, “Father, where would your partners say is your favorite place for making whoopie?”
    Priest: “In the rectory?”

  35. 35
    bcinaz says:

    Well at least he wasn’t telling young women not to take The Pill and to ‘wait’ til they’re married.

    Also too

    Odd-looking men? – LOL

  36. 36
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    sex in the rectory can be uncomfortable at first but you just have to use a whole lot of absolution.

  37. 37
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    [taps mic]

    is this thing on?

  38. 38
    sweaver says:

    Nope, I laughed at it, too. I got another laugh at “with odd-looking men”… huh??

  39. 39
    johnny aquitard says:

    @Comrade Mary: Good one!

  40. 40
    johnny aquitard says:

    Without a doubt a bishop’s mitre was involved.

  41. 41
    Steeplejack says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    I got here late for the second show. That was funny.

  42. 42

    you’re not in the middlke of nowhere – you’re approaching the middle od America (pop density center in Missouri, I believe)

  43. 43
    Ryan says:

    odd looking men

    Steve Buschemi?

  44. 44
    OzarkHillbilly says:

    saw “having sex in his rectory,” and started giggling like a little boy.

    Just for the record, as an ex-Catholic little boy (no longer little, no longer Catholic) I feel the need to point out that Catholic little boys have not and will never giggle at the phrase, “having sex in his rectory.” It is a little too real.

    Just sayin’…

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