Open Thread

Every year for the last three years, at Christmas, a very kind woman named Anne from NYC has sent me several knit balls filled with catnip for Tunch. I have no idea what kind of weapons grade catnip she puts in them, but trust me, this is the kine bud. He gets in it, tugs at the yarn, his nose goes bright red and his whiskers go forward (do all cat’s whiskers curl forward when they are ornery?) his tail goes straight up and gets twitchy, and he rolls around chirping. Here’s Tunch so stoned to the bejeezus that he is breaking cat rule #1 and passed out underneath a… rocking chair:


I give Tunch catnip every now and then, and the Ills grow it and I give him fresh stuff, but he treats it like shake and never acts up. But nothing hits home team like this stuff. He’ll be walking around rubbing on everything and chirping for a couple hours, and I will actually have to pick up the knit ball around ten if I want to be able to sleep by eleven. Otherwise, he’ll just drive me nuts all night.

150 replies
  1. 1
    ulee says:

    Bright red nose and whiskers forward? Sounds like Tunch may have been slipped some Bath Salts. He is blasted and may eat your face tonight.

  2. 2
    Machine-Gun Preacher (formerly Ben Franklin) says:

    “Shake’ Is low-grade, hash-oil type maryjane, but with Tunch, that may be enough.

  3. 3
    Mnemosyne says:

    I don’t know what Werebear puts in the catnip toys she sells, but it seems to be pretty strong stuff. Even the non-catnip ones were very popular in our apartment — Charlotte tried to take the Stinky Sock from Keaton and got punched in the head for her trouble.

    We can’t give real catnip to Keaton very often because it makes him paranoid. We can practically see the black helicopters circling his head after he gets a few good whiffs.

  4. 4
    Jay in Oregon says:

    Meh. Cole’s had to live with that existential dread for years now.

  5. 5
    asiangrrlMN says:

    TUUUUUUUNCHIE! Love, love, love that boy, Cole, even when he’s high on ‘nip.

    But, for the love of all that’s good and holy, please move the rocking chair out of his back!

  6. 6
    redshirt says:

    Tunch iz drug addictz

  7. 7
    ZenHousecat says:

    Nip. Not even once.

  8. 8
    Joel says:

    Listening to TAL on Paul Romer and the “charter city” in Honduras.

    Turns out about how you would expect. Interesting story, though.

  9. 9
    Quicksand says:

    A rocking chair? I thought you were only in your forties.

  10. 10
    The Dangerman says:

    I’d say Tunch is high, but, ya know, gravity.

  11. 11
    Fluke bucket says:

    Don’t bogart that nip Tunch. Pass it over to me

  12. 12
  13. 13
    Allen says:

    I have a neighbor whose name I don’t know but I refer to as the “Candyman”. His daughter grows catnip and he gives my cats some. Cats really like it, the little one T.C. (the Spawn of Satan) yust goes nuts at Christmas and at catnip time.

  14. 14
    ulee says:

    @Quicksand: That’s not a rocking chair, that’s a Rockin and Rollin chair, when Cole gets his groove on.

  15. 15
    Big Daddy says:

    Frigging awesome! I’m gonna get some catnip out for our feline.

  16. 16
    kdaug says:

    It’s time for Tunch to take some personal responsibility.

    *Watch it, Cole. Trust me.

  17. 17
    NCSteve says:

    Can’t give it to my Three Weird Sisters. They can’t handle it. Which doesn’t stop Gramma from giving it to them at Christmas.

  18. 18
    MomSense says:

    Tunch on bath salts??? Terrifying! I hope Lily and Rosie will protect Cole.

  19. 19
    Arm The Homeless says:

    @jeffreyw: is that eggplant on the left hand taco? And mushroom too? Tasty!

  20. 20
    Roger Moore says:

    There are definitely different grades of nip. The old, dried stuff that’s been sitting around for years doesn’t do much, but the high quality stuff is very powerful.

  21. 21
    RobertDSC-iPhone 4 says:

    Film that shit, Cole! Show us a TunchCam exclusive: the Tunchinator high as a kite!

  22. 22
    Handy says:

    Best high-grade catnip . . .

    Meowie Wowie ~

  23. 23
    Karen in So Cal says:

    @Mnemosyne: Thanks for that link! I just ordered the Variety Pack – my kitties will thank me for it.

  24. 24
    Walker says:

    New boiler installed today (the Munchkin up and died on Tuesday). Finally had my first hot shower in 4 days.

  25. 25
    ulee says:

    @MomSense: I don’t fear for Cole while he is on one his drunken friday rampages, rocking and rolling to Little Feat but when he finally passes out…then Tunch will have his way with him. Lily will get out of the way and Rosie will know it’s just business.

  26. 26
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @jeffreyw: GIMME! I’ve missed your food pr0n so much.

  27. 27
    burnspbesq says:

    This should get our genial host all hot and bothered.

    Little Feat live at Winterland from 1976.

  28. 28
    Mike in NC says:

    When we had outdoor cats they loved catnip, but with indoor cats now (living on a golf course with alligators) they show no interest.

    “Zero Dark Thirty” was quite good.

  29. 29
    Narcissus says:


    Tunch will have his way with him

    Eww, man. I knew Tunch wore the pants, but I didn’t know it was that kind of relationship.

  30. 30
    Roger Moore says:

    Long time no post. Y U no post here?

  31. 31
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Every national anthem in the world, played simultaneously:

  32. 32
  33. 33
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Roger Moore: Hi! I do post here – just not as frequently as I used to, especially since I discovered Twitter. I miss you guys, though, so expect me to drop in when you least expect me!

    ::cues ominous music::

    @jeffreyw: I love/hate you. You know that, right?

  34. 34
    ulee says:

    @Narcissus: Tunch is hard core.

  35. 35
    gelfling545 says:

    I grow catmint in my garden because it is a pretty, no-care, nicely spreading flowering perennial. It’s a relative of nip, but supposedly not as strong. Some cats ignore it but my old lady cat who passed away last year used to spend the summers passed out in the catmint patch. She was really an indoor cat who only came out to roll in the catmint. Must have been good for her because she lived to be over 17 years old, spending every summer higher than a kite.

  36. 36
  37. 37

    I cannot even begin to fathom how many cat nip plants I have bought and planted through the years only to see them torn to shreds by the cats, which is impressive when you think about it seeing as they are members of the mint family and usually indestructible and even if the tops of the plants are destroyed if the roots survive then the plant does. My cats not only destroy the plant above ground but also dig up the roots and destroy them too.

  38. 38
    Arm The Homeless says:

    @jeffreyw: I mistook the jalapeño veins and seeds, and a piece of carnitas, but seriously, sir, shut yo’ mouth. Muy bonito!

  39. 39
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @jeffreyw: That looks wonderful! Better than my mama used to make.

  40. 40
    Ted & Hellen says:

    Cats do not “chirp.”

    That is the strangest colloquialism, among many, on this blog.

  41. 41
    ulee says:

    @Ted & Hellen: Cats certainly do chirp, as do ferrets. And birds chirp.
    Also possums, chickadees, and human beings. It’s a chirp thing, you might not understand.

  42. 42
    EnfantTerrible says:

    Ah me, my favoritest cat ever, the late Rusty, aka “The World’s Most Interesting Cat”, loved himself some catnip. We had catnip growing in our backyard garden – Rusty used to spend hours back there, sunning himself and grazing on fresh catnip. Such ineffable bliss!

    I really miss that cat; can you tell?

  43. 43
    mainmati says:

    Our backyard garden has a largish bed of catnip (3 ft.). The cats loll around and nap in it in psycho-bliss in Spring and Summer. Catnip is a perennial, of course. We used to also have George W. Bush catnip dolls which the cats regularly savaged.

  44. 44
    Alison says:

    Man, I miss that. My current kitty has absolutely zero interest in catnip. I might as well be sticking dryer lint in her face…not affected by it at all.

    My previous cat, however…oh boy, the entertainment unleashed when you gave him a little taste…some of the funniest cat antics I’d ever seen :)

  45. 45
    ET says:

    My night sucks.

    I just had to put my cat Milo down. 16 great years. He is the laughing black kitty in the calendar in October.

  46. 46
    eemom says:

    damn it, now I’m wishing I were a frikkin CAT. Is there no end to the ways in which this blog fucks with my sanity?

  47. 47
    Arm The Homeless says:

    An ex’s cat would chirp while the finches and cardinals mocked him from the yard. I have never met a cat who had been hit by cars so many times without making it to the great couch in the sky. Looking back, he was more stable a companion than the ex.

  48. 48
    ulee says:

    @ET: Sorry to hear that ET. We just lost our sixteen year old cat Pookie. Also known as Spooky, black cat, great and strange cat.

  49. 49
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @ET: Aw, Milo is a handsome boy, and I love his laughing picture. I’m so sorry that you have to let him go. My deepest condolences to you on your loss.

  50. 50
    trollhattan says:


    Roll in beer. It works, eventually.

  51. 51
    RinaX says:

    The White House responded to a petition to build a death star:

  52. 52
    danielx says:


    Truly sorry for the loss of your friend. I’ve had to do that twice for long time companions and it is a terrible experience even if you know it’s the right thing to do.

  53. 53
    Alison says:

    @ET: So sorry, ET :(

  54. 54
    danielx says:

    @Ted & Hellen:

    They most certainly do chirp, at least some do. The senior cat here, who looks like a longhaired version of TUNCH, chirps during catnip orgies on the kitchen floor.

    Tsk, Cole…I am shocked, shocked at your encouragement of substance abuse. (snicker)

  55. 55

    He oughta share. Don’t Bogart that yarnball, dude.

  56. 56

    From what I understand, kittehs don’t have a hangover or any ill effects from the Nip. Not fair, really.

  57. 57
    cathyx says:

    I grew up with many cats and never heard that chirping sound. Both of my cats would chirp at birds. But it sounds more like a clicking sound to me.

  58. 58
    redshirt says:

    Is there any cure for cat allergy? I have it bad, and can’t be around a cat for more than 30 minutes without a complete breakdown. I’d love to have a cat, except for this obvious reason. Help!

  59. 59
    gelfling545 says:

    @Ted & Hellen: Cats do indeed chirp. My sister’s cat used to sit on the fence near the post leading to the bird house and make chirping noises, we presume in the hopes of enticing the birds to come out. It was almost indistinguishable from the bird sounds. Most are not quite as talented as Cosmos was but they certainly can chirp.

  60. 60
    gelfling545 says:

    @ET: I am so sorry for your loss. He was clearly a beautiful cat.

  61. 61
    ulee says:

    @Alison: Sorry to rain on your parade. I was just hoping for some support during this very difficult time for me. But thanks, “dude”, you’re a splendid character. Everyone else here at Balloon Juice, thank you, you’re great.

  62. 62
    Culture of Truth says:

    @ET: Sorry to hear that. Condolences.

  63. 63
    Culture of Truth says:

    Perhaps no hangovers, but it is possible to OD on catnip. Our cat inhaled so much in got in his lungs. So we had to wean him off.

  64. 64
    Rosie Outlook says:

    It’s one thing to prop up a broken chair with a book, but using a cat, that’s really cheaping out.

    I’ve been in bed most of the day with the flu, but would like to belatedly congratulate the Kitten family on the arrival of their new coconut–er, baby.

  65. 65
    Mnemosyne says:


    Okay, point #3 made me laugh out loud:

    Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

    It kind of reminds me of when DHS did their tongue-in-cheek “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse” post, which of course incorporated all of the advice they normally give you for a natural disaster.


    One odd thing about cat allergies is that sometimes people are allergic to either short-haired cats OR long-haired cats, but not both. The only other thing I’ve seen is that apparently giving the cat a bath every month drastically reduces the allergens that the cat produces after 3 months of the routine, but you have to keep it up for the rest of the cat’s life (or your life, whichever comes first when you contemplate bathing a cat every month).

    Otherwise, you may be in the same position as Pirecua Lutton with her beloved guinea pig (don’t worry, the story has a happy — though not an allergy-free — ending).

  66. 66
    dr. bloor says:

    @Rosie Outlook:

    It’s one thing to prop up a broken chair with a book, but using a cat, that’s really cheaping out.

    You should see what he has holding up the sofa on his front porch.

    We grow catnip in our backyard for our crew–not weapons grade, but they like nothing better during the summer than to lie around the (backyard of the shanty) and put a good buzz on.

    Also, too, it’s fun to watch’em rassle when they’re three sheets to the wind.

  67. 67
    pat says:

    ET, I have lost three cats under circumstances where I wish I had had some control. When my Susy’s time comes, I hope I’m there to hold her and tell her good bye. And I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

    Best to you in your sorrow.

  68. 68
    Splitting Image says:


    The White House responded to a petition to build a death star:

    I saw that. I think it is the height of naivety to take an official denial from this government as gospel.

    The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

  69. 69
    Culture of Truth says:

    It’s one thing to prop up a broken chair with a book, but using a cat, that’s really cheaping out.

    Yeah but as Tunch breathes in and out it provides that pleasant rocking motion, even if a big man is sitting the chair.

  70. 70
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    do all cat’s whiskers curl forward when they are ornery?

    I call it Walrus Whiskers. Our Stewie does it when he’s in a happy mood, which is quite often and that’s without catnip. He’s one of those cats that it doesn’t have any effect on at all.

    But he does love the carrot my wife knitted for him, no catnip necessary. He drags that thing everywhere around the house.


    My condolences on losing your longtime pal. Those furry little people sure do latch onto our hearts, don’t they?

    Best wishes.

  71. 71
    Linda Featheringill says:

    @ET: #45

    I’m so sorry about your loss. May Milo be your shadow for a long, long time.

  72. 72
    Alison says:

    @ulee: Um. I assume this is a random response to my comment last night?

    As I said, if you are truly dealing with depression and loneliness and such, I empathize with you, I do. I have been there. I am currently dealing with my own very difficult illness and while I am not suicidal, some days…are really fucking hard. I have been diagnosed with severe depression for about half my life now.

    But my point was…if you want some emotional support and some friendship, absolutely, people are here for you. This community has some awesome people who have sought and given that help time and again, and no one would ever tell you off for that. but your comments were NOT just “Guys, I am really feeling depressed lately, I need some support”. You were making these – in my opinion – very odd and disturbing flippant “jokes” about killing yourself, in a way that, I’m sorry, came across more as creepy attention-seeking than anything else. Lots of people here have dealt with suicidal thoughts or have lost a loved one to suicide, and so to see someone saying “When you try to hang yourself, don’t do it this way, hehe” is…just totally inappropriate, no matter what. People kept offering you help, advice, numbers to call, things to try…and you’d just keep on with this weirdness. It really started to seem egregious and gratuitous and forced to me.

    But I will repeat: if you really are feeling suicidal, we WANT to help you, we want to support you. If you’re that depressed, I am so very sorry for that, because I’ve been there and it’s awful. But you can’t come here saying you want help and respond to all the many offers of help with strange macabre jokes and such. Because what else can we do? No one here knows you IRL (as far as I know), so all we can do is offer help in comments. And people were doing that, and it just felt like you wanted to just keep making the creepy jokes, and I, personally, felt it was not appropriate, and felt it was problematic.

    You did not rain on any parade of mine. I just wish you could be a little more forthright with everyone here, and take the help that’s been offered to you, if you truly want it. I am happy to be one of those people who will help you, if that help is really wanted.

  73. 73
    Mike in NC says:

    @ET:Sorry to hear that…

  74. 74

    @dr. bloor:
    but they like nothing better during the summer than to lie around the (backyard of the shanty) and put a good buzz on.

    Well, hell, who doesn’t?

  75. 75
    Suzanne says:

    @ET: Hugs and my condolences.
    Was Milo named after the cat in the “Milo and Otis” movie? I adored that movie when I was eight.

  76. 76
    libarbarian says:

    this is the kine bud

    Isn’t it “kind bud”?

  77. 77
    Gex says:

    News from the cancer/chemo crash front.

    There are two, count ’em two counts in the normal range. White blood cells and neutrophils are in the normal range for the GF today. Hemoglobin and platelets are still low, but are steadily climbing.

    It feels to me like we are winding down the stabilization phase and getting ready to really ramp up on recovery phase.

    Recovery phase is going to be a hard slog though. She hasn’t eaten or had anything to drink for over a week and the speech therapist found her to be unsafe to swallow, so therapy is in order. And after cancer, chemo, blood imbalances, infections, and hospitalization she’s significantly weakened and will need PT. We’ll be in the hospital for a while longer, then on to a intermediate care facility for more PT before she comes home.

    Anyhow, I just wanted to update you all since I’ve been dumping here. Very happy to see the lab results today.

    @ET: I am really sorry to hear the bad news. Lost a cat last year and one the year before. It’s a testament to how awesome having them is that we keep subjecting ourselves to that pain.

  78. 78
    Drunken hausfrau says:

    Hey, how about selling some of that high end nip for good balloon juice causes? Just saying… I’d be buying…

  79. 79
    Alison says:

    @Gex: Lordy :( That just sounds…overwhelming feels like an understatement. Many many good thoughts out to you and her, and hope for some more small rays of light in the next phases.

  80. 80
    Suzanne says:

    @redshirt: I have heard from various people who are allergic that they have come to acclimate to a specific cat that they come to spend time around. The allergy is actually to dander, so if you bathe the cat regularly, that can reduce the reaction. Bot I don’t know if there’s any way to predict it…you might get used to a cat within a week and it won’t be that bad, or you might never be okay around any of them. Antihistamines always help.

  81. 81
    ulee says:

    @Alison: Alison, can you repeat “creepy” one more time. I wasn’t making jokes, I was talking about a suicide attempt. Next time I’ll consult with you so I’ll know how to do it right. By the way, a random response isn’t what I think you think it is. Also, if I tell my doctor I’m suicidal, they’ll put me in the hospital. It I tell my therapist I’m suicidal, they’ll put me in the hospital. I don’t want to be there so I told my exgirlfriend and the commenters on Balloon Juice. I’m not playing games and I’m not telling jokes. If this is funny, it’s lost on me.

  82. 82
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Gex: Sounds good. Hope the recovery continues going well for your GF.

  83. 83
    Maude says:

    Oh, she’s been through the wringer.
    The day she eats, tell us.
    Keep strong.

  84. 84
    Mnemosyne says:


    Nope — it’s Hawaiian pidgin slang, so it is “kine,” though apparently lots of people incorrectly use “kind.”

    (It means the same thing, FWIW.)

  85. 85
    jo6pac says:

    How Mean you both are;)May Mary Jane set all free.

  86. 86
    Persia says:

    @Joel: I wonder if that would be more or less depressing than the jazz the local public radio station has picked for tonight. I turned off the comedy I was going to watch ’cause I couldn’t concentrate, but this is feeling like a poor choice.

  87. 87
    ruemara says:

    @Gex: Thanks for the positive update. Keeping those good vibes headed your way.

    Sitting here, waiting for meds to kick in. Having a series of spikes in bp but it makes no sense to go to an ER, they’ll just watch me in a cold room. Very tired of this. I’m starting to wonder if my ex isn’t right and I may just need to go on disability if I can’t get this under control. And that ain’t right.

  88. 88
    Alison says:

    @ulee: I’m really, honestly, not trying to be a jerk here, ulee. I mean that, and I mean it when I say people here, including me, want to help you if we can. What I was trying to get across is that it wasn’t very clear how to do that, because of the way you were responding to folks. When people offer serious advice or suggestions and you respond with flippancy…it’s hard to know what else to do. And when you say things like:

    If you’re going to hang yourself, don’t use a clothesline. It doesn’t work, it breaks. Then you are left with a nasty rope burn on you neck which you must explain away by saying your dogs have retractable leashes and you got caught up in them on while switching them over

    I mean…if you were someone else, how would you respond to a comment out of the blue like that? Other than how people did, which was to offer help and care and hotlines, to which you still seemed…almost disdainful. I know this is a cheesy saying but, help us help you. Please.

  89. 89
    Cacti says:

    Not sure if anyone’s posted it yet, but that nutbag quasi-skinhead from Tennessee who threatened to start killing people if sensible gun legislation came to pass…

    Had his handgun permit suspended by the State.

    Haha asshole.

  90. 90
    Mnemosyne says:


    Gex’s girlfriend didn’t want to go to the hospital, but she and Gex knew that if she didn’t go, she would die. How is your case different?

    If you want to make your ex feel horribly guilty for the rest of her life because she was not able to single-handedly prevent you from killing yourself, then keep doing what you’re doing. Otherwise, check yourself into the fucking hospital. Drop the computer and go to the ER. Now.

  91. 91
    Suzanne says:

    @Gex: Hugs. Glad to hear that the lab results were good. Sending good thoughts for a quick and painless recovery.

    @ruemara: Hang in there. Hugs. You have my good thoughts, whatever those are worth.

  92. 92
    ulee says:

    @Alison: Alison, what I was trying to do is come up with a story to tell my doctor as to why I had an obviously nasty rope burn on my neck. I figured, hmmm., tell her you got tangled up in your dogs as you were getting them out the door. It’s the best I could come up with since the burn on my neck was going to give me away. I didn’t think she would believe me so I wore a turtleneck sort of sweater. She said, “You’re all bundled up,” and I’m thinking, just get me out of here before she discovers what I’ve done. And Alison, I do want to tell people the truth, but I’ve been on Medical Leave for three months and I’m due to return on Monday. I’m hoping I can do it. But I’m sure as hell not going to tell them that I tried to hang myself. And thank you again for all Balloon Juicers for you input. I really do apprecitate. But if I tell, I go to the hospital.

  93. 93
    Maude says:

    Hey, congrats on passing the test. Good on you.

  94. 94
    eemom says:

    um, so, I recognize the thread has kind of moved on….but I still have some questions about this catnip stuff. You know, being a dog person myself, I feel it is important to become properly informed about matters of interest to fellow animal lovers.

    Does it work on humans? What is the recommended dose for, say, a 50 year old woman? Do they sell it at Petco?

  95. 95
    Alison says:

    @ulee: Wanting to figure out how to explain it is totally understandable. It was just the way you framed things here…was not like that. And I’m sure the thought of being honest with your doctor is scary, but isn’t not getting help also scary? Going to a treatment facility is intimidating and terrifying (I know), but it may also be what you need. Just something to consider. Think ahead a month, two months, six months, etc. Where do you see yourself if you don’t get any real help? And where do you see yourself if you do? What are the possibilities down both paths?

  96. 96
    eemom says:

    yikes, never mind….did not realize what I was in the middle of there.

    The randomness of blog comments is sometimes funny, sometimes not.

  97. 97
    ulee says:

    @Mnemosyne: Mnemosyne. I don’t want to go to the hospital. I worked in the admitting unit at my local psychiatric hosptial for three years. It’s not going to help me. But thank you for your concern. I do not say that “flippantly” I just don’t think it will help.

  98. 98
    BethanyAnne says:

    Hey ulee,
    I was locked up after my first suicide attempt. I won’t let them lock me up again. I worked out a deal with my current therapist, though. I can talk to her about suicidal ideation, and I tell her how intense the feelings are. The deal is, if I feel like I really need to go through with it, I tell her that. Anything less, and she lets me stay free. That allows her to actually work with me, while I still have a net.

  99. 99
    Mnemosyne says:


    You are not rational right now. You have about the same ability to make rational decisions about your psychiatric care as a drunk who decides that he has to drive home after a party so he can get to work the next day.

    My husband’s best friend didn’t think he needed psychiatric care, either. His mother got to spend three days cleaning his brains off the ceiling of his apartment because he had guns.

    Go to the fucking hospital.

  100. 100
    burnspbesq says:


    Sounds like there’s a teeny bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong, and don’t hesitate to dump on us when you need to dump on somebody. We’re rooting for y’all.

  101. 101
    scav says:

    A bit of this dignosis-over-net by peer pressure is getting a little much.

  102. 102
  103. 103
    Mnemosyne says:


    You may have missed the posts from last night. When someone announces that they discovered the hard way that a clothesline is not strong enough to hang yourself with and will break, leaving you with a nasty neck burn that you will then have to conceal from your psychologist, I don’t think we’re overdiagnosing.

    ulee needs to go to the fucking hospital.

  104. 104
    ulee says:

    Thank you BethanyAnne. As I’ve said, I’ve worked in a psychiatric hospital and it is a scary experience for the people being committed. Sometimes it is necessary and effective, but I’m not preaching to God to tell me not to eat or bleaching my face because I thought it would make me more attractive (just a couple of people I met at the psychiatric center) I’m just suicidal. I’m sick of saying it. I’m going back to work on Monday. Yay.

  105. 105
    Gex says:

    @Alison: @PurpleGirl: @Maude:

    @ruemara: Fill me in again on you situation? I am not nearly as skilled as you all in keeping track of juicers.

    @eemom: What, you couldn’t tell this was going to be a cancer/suicide thread from the title?

    And much thanks to you all. It is helpful to be able to tell my story here and have people read it and occasionally respond.

    The up and down of it all is really difficult. The constant mix of good news and things to worry about is draining. And you guys do your part to help alleviate that.

    ulee: I’ve been where you are at many, many times. I’m pulling for you. Please take care.

  106. 106
    Gex says:

    Moderation. Linked to too many in my thank you post.

  107. 107
    ulee says:

    @Mnemosyne: Mnemosyne. I might go to the hospital. I’m due back to work on Monday. If I can’t do it I’ll go to the hospital. Really, thank you for your concern.

  108. 108
    scav says:

    @Mnemosyne: I was there. I just don’t presume to know enough about the entire context of ulee’s life, general conditions, personality, exact state of mind at this instant, etc. to force a plan of action on her based on one set of fucking blog posts. You can suggest, even with good abstract suggestions, but you’re getting into abusive just a little.

  109. 109
    Mnemosyne says:


    I am very concerned, because I have known other people who didn’t think they needed help and they ended up in a coffin. The fact that you have already made a serious attempt should be a huge, flashing red flag to you, and the fact that you don’t seem to think it is worries the ever-living shit out of me.

  110. 110
    Mnemosyne says:


    If you feel I am becoming abusive, then I apologize. I saw what Dennis’ suicide did to his mother, his friends, and everyone around him and, yes, I am still pissed off at him about it.

    Kay Jamison Redfield has written one of the best books out there about suicide, based on both her clinical experience and her personal experience of attempting suicide. I do not take suicide or threats of suicide lightly.

    ETA: And, yes, I am very much on edge considering that my father died one week ago yesterday, and the idea that anyone would choose to put their family and friends through the kind of pain we’re going through right now freaks me right the fuck out.

  111. 111
    Suzanne says:

    @Maude: Thanks. :) Very glad to have that one in the rear view. Three down, four to go. Maybe I’ll even get a raise when I’m done.

  112. 112
    ulee says:

    Mnem–You’re not abusive, you are helpful. Enough about my situation. I only brought it up because Alison implied I was being self-absorbed. Let’s move on.

  113. 113
    Steeplejack says:


    Based on my reading of the threads the last few days, I don’t think Mnemosyne’s (or Alison’s) vehemence is misplaced at all. “Broken reason cannot mend broken reason,” and Ulee’s comments fit the classic pattern: “joking” references to a suicide attempt (an alert to others of the depth of depression or mental pain) followed by “I’m okay” deprecation. Basically: “I want help, but on my own [crazy] terms.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Ulee needs to get professional help, and she (statistically more likely to be female than male) needs to see that her faulty reasoning is part of the problem. Here’s why: Attempted suicide is the strongest known predictor for a future successful suicide attempt. Nearly half of all suicides are preceded by an unsuccessful attempt.

  114. 114
    Brachiator says:


    Sometimes it is necessary and effective, but I’m not preaching to God to tell me not to eat or bleaching my face because I thought it would make me more attractive (just a couple of people I met at the psychiatric center) I’m just suicidal.

    Shorter: I’m not nuts, I am just suicidal.

    I appreciate the humor and your insight into your situation. Good luck to you.


    I was there. I just don’t presume to know enough about the entire context of ulee’s life, general conditions, personality, exact state of mind at this instant, etc. to force a plan of action on her based on one set of fucking blog posts. You can suggest, even with good abstract suggestions, but you’re getting into abusive just a little.

    People posting on a blog are not seeking a session with a licensed therapist. And since they are at a distance, they can easily ignore any advice they don’t like.

    All we have here is sympathy and concern, even if it is sometimes overly vehement.

  115. 115
    Alison says:

    @ulee: Moving on is fine, but wait a minute here, because this:

    I only brought it up because Alison implied I was being self-absorbed.

    is disingenuous. You brought it up in this thread out of nowhere. You replied to a comment I made here on something totally unrelated with a response to my comment last night in a different thread. No one was talking about your previous comments or behaviors until YOU brought it into this thread. Which, I would note, is part and parcel of everything else we’ve been talking about. You clearly want to talk about it, you chose to bring it up, and now you say “let’s move on”. Please, you need to at least get your words here under control. If yuo want to talk, talk, but don’t bring it up and then claim other people are the reason it’s a discussion. Come on, now. You want to be treated with respect, you need to do the same with the rest of us.

  116. 116
    ulee says:

    Alison. I wrote, “Let’s move on,” because I have noone to talk to who wont commit me but the thread was focused on me and that’s not what I wanted. It’s true that I started the thread topic by referencing your comment about me being attention seeking and creepy. Well, fuck you that I’m feeling suicidal. You want to talk, then talk. I just wanted to dissolve the thread because it was too much about me. I did come here to seek help and you are the only one who told me that I just seemed lonely and reaching. Well, you were wrong and now you are doubling down.

  117. 117
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Gex: This sounds positive, yes? Let us know when we can say Woohoo! Okay?

  118. 118
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Alison: I tend to respond to horrible things with bad/flippant jokes. Part stiff upper lip, part pride, part army experience, and part who knows what. Sometimes it is the only way a person has to express things.

  119. 119
    Mnemosyne says:


    To be fair to Alison, Munchausen by internet is not exactly rare, so I really can’t blame anyone for being skeptical.

  120. 120
    ulee says:

    Omnes. I’m not saying horrible things to Alison. We are arguing.

  121. 121
    ulee says:

    @Mnemosyne: Mnem. Munchausen by internet in not exactly rare. Well, fuck you too.

  122. 122
    Alison says:

    @ulee: I’ve tried to express genuine concern and support to you, and you tell me “fuck you” because I politely objected to you making it seem like this discussion was not of your own doing.

    Yeah, I thought you seemed lonely and in trouble, and I and many others offered help. But it seems like even valid pushback on anything is not accepted. But I’m not going to be maligned when I did nothing wrong. I’ve tried to make amends for maybe being harsh last night, and I get a fuck you. Fine, whatever. Have a nice night then. I don’t fucking need this when I’m dealing with my own damn shit.

  123. 123
    Mnemosyne says:


    I’m not saying that you are faking. I’m saying that I’m not surprised that someone would be skeptical of your story given how common fakery is on the internet.

    I understand the flippant jokes because I’m the person who was trying to convince my mom to get the “doublewide” urn for my father’s ashes so we could put her in there, too, when the time comes, but not everyone understands that as a coping mechanism.

  124. 124
    aartimus says:

    “I’ll have what he’s having,” says my cat.

  125. 125
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @ulee: I didn’t say you were saying horrible things to Mnem. My point was that a suicide attempt by hanging and whatever would bring someone to such a point is a horrible thing and the only way I would likely communicate about it, if it were my situation, is by reference to the Dorothy Parker poem or a reference to a type of rope being remarkably inferior.

  126. 126
    ulee says:

    @Alison: Alison, I did not say “fuck you” to you. I said fuck you the the idiot mnemosyne. Sorry you misunderstood. Despite our differences, you seem like a good person. I would not say “fuck you” to anyone who I didn’t think was deserving of it. Like Mnemosyne, who thinks I’m a liar.

  127. 127
    ulee says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: It is inferior. Didn’t work.

  128. 128
    handsmile says:


    I’ve just now read through this thread. I’m glad to see you here.

    Last night in response to your expression of suicidal intent, I offered you a specific, concrete action step to consider. It is an available resource for you at anytime should you find it helpful.

    As I am not a mental health professional, it would be disrespectful to you to assume anything about your situation or your current capabilities. I do have some counseling experience to draw upon, however, as well as my own struggles with chronic depression for more than forty years. I can and do offer my sympathy and certain observations for you to accept or reject as you wish.

    In what you have written both last night and tonight, there are a number of positive indications: you have reached out to your ex-girlfriend; she expressed a willingness to assist you; you have reached out to this online community, however fractious its support may sometimes be; you have a doctor and a therapist (though how active are those relationships?); you have a job; you speak of future plans. Congratulations, each and every one of these is an expression of your trying to take care of yourself. But as others have said above, you need some things more.

    I believe you recognize you must get an current status assessment from a mental health professional as soon as possible. I admit I am puzzled by your repeated emphatic assertion that you will be hospitalized if you acknowledge suicidal ideation. Depending on your age and where you live, there are regulations preventing involuntary commitment. In many states, if you are over 21 y.o and assessed not to be a danger to others, you cannot be involuntarily committed. Negotiations between yourself and health personnel may enable you to arrange other treatment options (similar to BethanyAnne’s comment #98 above.)

    My apologies for writing such a long comment. I have to sign off now, but as you know, this place never closes. I wish you well. Take it easy.

  129. 129
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @ulee: Dude/Dudette, I am a handle it yourself person. I don’t go to the doctor unless something is wrong and self-medicating doesn’t work. I will share only so much with others. The rest is none of their fucking business. That being said, if you are really considering ending things, talk to someone. And not just us. We are a bunch of half to fully drunk people with social consciences, but we aren’t experts. If you need to vent, go for it. But if you really want help, you need to look for it.

    I am a lawyer, not a psychologist/psychiatrist, but I can tell you this. If a client doesn’t talk to me and tell me everything, I am not going to be able to do my best for that person. I will miss something and the end result won’t be what anyone wants. Find a professional that you trust and get help if that is what you want.

  130. 130
    RedDirtGirl says:

    If you won’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

  131. 131
    Alison says:

    @ulee: Thank you, although I don’t see how I misunderstood. In a comment directed at me, you said:

    It’s true that I started the thread topic by referencing your comment about me being attention seeking and creepy. Well, fuck you that I’m feeling suicidal. You want to talk, then talk

    If you meant that for Mnem, maybe include their name? Because it sure sounded like it was being said to me. But whatever.

  132. 132
    ulee says:

    @handsmile: thank you, handsmile,for your comments. Here in Maine, if you express immediate harm to yourself or others you can be committed. If I said,”I am going to kill myself,” then I would immediately be hospitalized for five days.

  133. 133
    ulee says:

    @Alison: Alison. Yeah, I said fuck you because you said i was was creepy. Sorry about that. I did mean it though because I’m not creepy and it pissed me off that that you said it. All is forgiven.

  134. 134
    Mnemosyne says:


    I think you just want someone to be pissed off at right now. If I’m the new designee, then so be it.

  135. 135
    ulee says:

    @Mnemosyne: You imply I’m a liar and I should just ignore your statemnent. Then you say–well, I guess you just need someone to be mad at–. Go to sleep or get your story straight.

  136. 136
    Mnemosyne says:


    No, I said that I was not surprised that Alison would make that initial assumption. The fact that you’ve decided that means I think you’re a liar is what makes me think you need someone to be mad at right now. I’m okay with whatever gets you through until you can talk to a professional, like the nice people who will talk to you if you call 1-800-273-8255.

  137. 137
    handsmile says:


    Here are a couple of Maine-specific mental health wellness links:

    I hope you may be able to find something useful/beneficial within those sites. Quickly scanning, I see there have been changes to Maine’s involuntary commitment laws in recent years. The phrase “court-ordered treatment” appears in relation to it, though I trust you are up-to-date and better informed on its application to your situation.
    (And now I’m really turning off the intertubes [though I’ll compulsively check back here sometime after sunrise and caffeine].)

  138. 138
    eemom says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    a bunch of half to fully drunk people with social consciences

    needs to be one of those revolving tag thingies.

    The rest of y’all: normally I hate this phrase, but please, take a deep breath. You ARE good people trying to help, but there really are serious limits to what can be known about/done for another person in this mode of communication. Also, as has been noted, the reactions you are having to what you read from that person are at least as much a reflection of your own experiences and present state of mind as they are to what’s been said.

  139. 139
    ulee says:

    @Mnemosyne: said I had Munchsusen by internet. You are a liar and don’t try to include Alison in your slander. I only told the truth and know you turn on me after being so kind. Oh Well.

  140. 140
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @eemom: One of the nicest things anyone has said to/about me here.

    /wipes tear

  141. 141
    Mnemosyne says:


    It’s 1:30 in the morning where you are. Get some sleep, and call (800) 273-8255 as soon as you get up. If it motivates you to call, tell yourself that calling will prove me wrong.

    Good luck.

  142. 142
    bob h says:

    My wife has a very expensive diamond ring she keeps in a small jewelcase in the bathroom. We found the case in the living room with dog slobber on it; evidently our cat knocked it off the dressing table and was playing with it. Now the case and the ring are gone entirely. How do you get a cat to show you where he put it?

  143. 143
    celiadexter says:

    So where in NYC can one procure the uber-catnip? Our cats would be so grateful.

  144. 144
    VillageIdiocy says:

    @Mnemosyne: It’s actually “da kine” not “the kine” or “the kind”.

  145. 145
    bemused says:

    One of our cats only stops talking when she is asleep. She chirps and trills along with her tail swishing continually. Her sister, otoh, rarely talks and then we have to strain to hear her…itty, bitty mews. We praise her a lot for speaking up but it’s just not her thing. Why would she when her litter mate does all the talking and squawking for her?

  146. 146
    WereBear says:

    @redshirt: I can’t beeeeeeeeleeeeeeeeeeve I missed this thread!

    I wrote an article from all the tips and tricks I’ve gotten over the years:

    Cats and the allergic human

    In case it helps.

    Thank you, Mnemosyne, for reccing our Way of Cats herbal cat toys: @Mnemosyne: and YES, we have kinds for cats who don’t like nip.

    @ET: So sorry about Milo. But he sure had a long and happy run with you.

  147. 147
    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism says:

    @bob h: I’d be more concerned that the dog ate it.

  148. 148
    Jorge says:

    @Mornington Crescent: Damn you! *shakes fist*

  149. 149
    libarbarian says:


    Wow. Learn something new everyday.

  150. 150
    aangus says:

    Test, test, test.

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