But I prefer….alcohol

I have no interest in DC DUIs for the most part, but I like it when the offender is an avowed Mormon teetotaler:

Idaho Sen. Michael Crapo was arrested early Sunday morning and charged with driving under the influence in a Washington, D.C., suburb, authorities said. Police in Alexandria, Va., said Sunday that the three-term Republican was pulled over after his vehicle ran a red light. Police spokesman Jody Donaldson said Crapo failed field sobriety tests and was arrested at about 12:45 a.m. He was transported to the Alexandria jail and released on an unsecured $1,000 bond at about 5 a.m..

[….]

The Mormon church prohibits the use of alcohol, as well as coffee, tea and other substances. About one-quarter of Idaho residents are Mormon.

Crapo has told the Associated Press in past interviews that he abstains from drinking alcohol.

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59 replies
  1. 1
    Richard says:

    Crapo has told the Associated Press in past interviews that he abstains from drinking alcohol.

    Clearly, Crapo is full of shit.

  2. 2
    Steeplejack says:

    “Golly, I thought the Hawaiian Punch tasted a little ‘sparkly,’ Officer.”

  3. 3
    proterozoic says:

    This guy’s Senate record… They could call the opposite of a conservationist a “crapo.”

    Off-topic, but I think this works: http://i.imgur.com/19MwA.png

  4. 4
    mtmofo says:

    jack mormon meets Jack Daniels

  5. 5

    Did they shoot his right profile?

  6. 6
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Crapo has told the Associated Press in past interviews that he abstains from drinking alcohol.

    Why should anyone at all be surprised that this guy lies about his drinking? He is a Rethug, after all. Lying is what these maggots do.

  7. 7
    handy says:

    “Wide Stance” Craig was an ID senator too. Boy they sure know how to pick ’em.

  8. 8
    GregB says:

    His son, HalfintheBagg Crapo said he’s never seen a man that wanted to get drunk less than his father.

  9. 9
    Jewish Steel says:

    This is an easy pass for a born again or baptist. Straight into a tearful confession that he is a sinner but he knows that the Lord forgives him and by the strength of his faith and family yadda yadda redemption.

    But the Mormons are a little more authoritarian. I wonder how they deal with transgressions like this.

  10. 10
    shortstop says:

    @GregB: outstanding.

  11. 11
    James E Powell says:

    As I noted in an earlier thread, so long as he votes against tax increases, his sins will be forgiven. Cf. Senator Vitter. It’s all about the money.

  12. 12
    Anne Laurie says:

    Wouldn’t surprise me if (truthfully or not) the Crapo defense is that he didn’t know non-Mormon eggnog might include the Demon Alcohol. Sure, the eggnog at that party tasted a little… odd… but he figured that was just too much nutmeg!

    Some cruel trickster might even have fed him glogg (who knows what goes into that stuff?) or even hot mulled cider (hey, it’s apples… mostly apples… )

  13. 13
    Narcissus says:

    Any hookers?

  14. 14
    shortstop says:

    @Jewish Steel: I wonder how many elite Mormons drink alcohol every damn day.

    And how hard it likely is for Mormons in recovery to get help.

  15. 15
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @GregB:

    Excellent.

  16. 16
    Suffern ACE says:

    Yeah. But Sam Donaldson, so both sides do it. The only solution is to make certain that the citizens are loaded.

  17. 17
    shortstop says:

    @Narcissus: indeed, we need a Wilbur Mills-quality peccadillo.

  18. 18
    handy says:

    @Suffern ACE:

    Oh somebody in this story was loaded all right.

  19. 19
    Jewish Steel says:

    @shortstop:

    And how hard it likely is for Mormons in recovery to get help.

    Good point! Hadn’t even considered that.

  20. 20
    shortstop says:

    @Jewish Steel: I didn’t think of it until just now. Being a non-recovering Mormon alcoholic must involve even more secrecy, denial and game-playing than being a non-Mormon non-recovering alcoholic does.

  21. 21
    The Dangerman says:

    @Narcissus:

    Any hookers?

    Only when he’s home (the Idaho Ho’s, not to confused with that famous Idaho snack cake, the Idaho Ho Ho’s).

  22. 22
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @James E Powell:

    Sadly, this is true.

    The Mammon and Moloch worshipers stick together.

  23. 23
    Joshua Norton says:

    So I guess Irish Coffee would be completely out of the question.

  24. 24
    M. Bouffant says:

    First Larry Craig, now Crapo. Who’d a thunk Idaho would be #1 in the Senatorial Hypocrisy competition?

  25. 25
    shortstop says:

    .11. Ouch. Good public statement, though.

  26. 26
    Chris T. says:

    As the old saying goes, the way you keep a Mormon friend from drinking all your beer when you take him on a fishing trip is to take a second Mormon with you….

  27. 27
    AA+ Bonds says:

    Motherfucking delicious, what an asshole

  28. 28
    rda909 says:

    Hilarious how the linked article feels the need to give a pronunciation guide, which I can’t find them doing in any other articles up online right now:

    “The 61-year-old Crapo (KRAY’-poh)…”

    And the other SpudMuffin Idaho’ Senator was caught wide-stancing it on the can, so Idaho’s voters have brought us Senators Crapper and Crapo. The Republican Party in a nutshell.

  29. 29
    Dream On says:

    Sen. Mike Crapo (R-Idaho) issued a public apology after being arrested for drunken driving in Alexandria, Va., early Sunday morning….Crapo is Mormon, and has said publicly that he abstains from alcohol.

    His arrest is an early Xmas present for me! The gift of laughter and derision. I like my gift.

    He probably drinks Jolt Cola too.

  30. 30
    bad Jim says:

    I’m riveted by the sociological significance of it all.

  31. 31
    John Revolta says:

    CRAPO SHITFACED

    I can haz NY Post job?

  32. 32
    Joey Maloney says:

    @The Dangerman: Only when he’s home (the Idaho Ho’s, not to confused with that famous Idaho snack cake, the Idaho Ho Ho’s).

    Not to be further confused with the sounds of Santa passing over the state, the Idaho Ho Ho Ho’s.

  33. 33
    Elizabelle says:

    Crapo’s a Harvard Law grad. I did not know that.

  34. 34
    Elizabelle says:

    Senator Crapo should stick to Peppermint Pigs.

    (Peppermint Pigs are job creators, too. Made in the US of A.)

  35. 35
    Schlemizel says:

    Yes, its that time of year so I hope my little lesson will provide help for all of you.

    We were out partying with Friends Saturday, I knew I had a few too many so it was best I didn’t drive my car. Long story short we took a taxi. Sure enough, on the way home there was a big DUI checkpoint but taxis got waved through.

    That made a great night! I even got to drive a taxi! Only problem is I now have a hot cab in my garage & don’t know how to get rid of it.

    Happy Festivus to all and to all a good night. Don’t forget to tip your waiter

  36. 36
    magurakurin says:

    No way it’s a one off. A DUI is more or less the definition of a drinking problem and an alcoholic. They have to drive when they are drinking because they are always drinking. I’ve been sober for 25 years but I don’t begrudge anyone their grog. We all make our choices. These holy roller types who turn out to be booze hounds, they really bother me. Fuck him. He deserves the shit storm he is about to receive.

  37. 37
    John Dillinger says:

    I had a Mormon friend who worked on the hill, and went on to be a lobbyist. Basically drank himself to death, because he couldn’t ask for help. And as of few years ago, Sen. Hatch had a wine closet out at the Tyson’s Corner Morton’s steakhouse. Now, that doesn’t mean he would drink any of it, but still.

  38. 38
    Bob h says:

    The pressures of defending freedom from the socialist onslaught just got to him.

  39. 39
    Elizabelle says:

    @magurakurin:

    There’s the thing. Guess he could have been pulled over the first time alcohol crossed his lips, but every time I’ve heard of a DUI, it’s never the first time the person drank, or drank after drinking. Has been true for teens as well as adults.

    Crapo has told the Associated Press in past interviews that he abstains from drinking alcohol.

    He doesn’t drink alcohol.

    Are we dealing with a butt binger?

  40. 40
    rea says:

    magurakurin @36
    A DUI is more or less the definition of a drinking problem and an alcoholic. They have to drive when they are drinking because they are always drinking.

    That’s not really true, based on my DUI clients who have been professionally evaluated. Most alcoholics will have DUIs, but plenty of people who are not alcoholics get DUIs, too. Now, people with multiple DUIs in a short period, or people with unusually high blood alcohol contents are a diifferent story. But getting one DUI doesn’t require being an alcoholic–it just requires acting foolish on one occasion.

  41. 41
    mai naem says:

    Here’s the mugshot
    http://alexandriava.gov/police.....x?id=68136

    Mugshot’s not funny or anything. Oh, well.

    I had to take traffic school for a ticket and there were some DUI people in the class(I guess they have to attend several traffic school classes.) Anyhow, there was a pretty small middle ages woman who said she went to a St.Patrick’s Day deal and had a single beer. She said she rarely drank. She ended up getting a DUI in a St. Patrick’s Day police crackdown. There was also a telecom field worker who had been drinking all of New Years watching football, went to sleep, got up early to go to work the next morning, got pulled over and got a DUI because there was still enough alcohol in his system.

  42. 42
    PaulW says:

    His excuse: “Dealing with John McCain would drive any man to drink!”

  43. 43
    Schlemizel says:

    I always thought Crap-O was the perfect name for a Republican Senator from Idaho. It goes back to the ancient tradition of naming people for their job or physical traits (Eric the Red was a redhead, Cooper was a guy who made barrels Zimmerman ran a hotel etc).

    His not pronouncing it correctly reminds me of a BBC sit-com. The families name was “Bucket” the woman would correct people “It BOO-kay”

    Crap-O is still Crap-O

  44. 44
    Jamey says:

    And, of course, the first report of this I had read (on Yahoo) listed the Senator as “(D-ID).”

  45. 45
    MikeBoyScout says:

    Wonder who he was boozing with and who didn’t have the good judgement to take his keys and put him in a taxi.

  46. 46
    jp7505a says:

    One of these days the super moralists, who are so quick to tell the rest of us what the straight and narrow path is, will be able to stay on it themselves. Until that day arrives I wish they would just shut up and leave the rest of us sinners alone.

  47. 47
    WereBear says:

    The thing that amazes me with a lot of high profile DUI’s is that these people have the resources to take cabs, or have a car service, or even designate a member of staff (heaven knows they’ve seen it all) to get them home.

    Maybe it’s trying to keep their partying secret, but then they get busted for DUI, and that’s the most embarrassing choice of all.

    While Baptists love a good fallen-from-grace tale, I don’t think the Mormons do. Their 50’s-sitcom facade is supposed to be impregnable!

  48. 48
    shortstop says:

    @mai naem: The telecom worker may have been telling the truth. The St. Patrick’s lady was lying her ass off.

  49. 49
    gnomedad says:

    I’m sorry; mocking peoples’ surnames is just wrong. Now, naming your kids after athletic equipment, or whatever the hell the Palins do, that’s another story.

  50. 50
    Joel says:

    Isn’t Crapo the guy that even Republicans think is an asshole?

  51. 51
    redshirt says:

    I lived in New Mexico for awhile in the early 90’s and the Big Q seemed to have an active drinking and driving culture. My anecdotal evidence: 1. Drive through liquor stores where they’d give you glasses of ice alongside a bottle of Jack. I couldn’t believe it. 2. Some guy got arrested for something like his 42nd DUI. I mean, after 30 or so, maybe someone should have said, “Hey, maybe we should take this guy off the road?”. Nope.

    I hope it’s changed these days.

  52. 52
    Brachiator says:

    @WereBear:

    The thing that amazes me with a lot of high profile DUI’s is that these people have the resources to take cabs, or have a car service, or even designate a member of staff (heaven knows they’ve seen it all) to get them home.Maybe it’s trying to keep their partying secret, but then they get busted for DUI, and that’s the most embarrassing choice of all.

    The NFL has a policy that a player can call and be picked up and taken home after partying, no questions asked. This did not prevent a player with a prior DUI from driving, crashing and killing a fellow player.

    Sadly, lots of high profile people are as stupid about drinking and driving as ordinary people. They’re just having a little fun (hic) and never even think that they might be too drunk to drive.

  53. 53
    phoebes-in-santa fe says:

    @redshirt: Sorry, but it really hasn’t. I live in Santa Fe and there are an incredible number of drunk drivers out here still. AND, we have the problem of drunk walkers. Don’t laugh…I almost hit one a couple of weeks ago. He walked right in front of my car and I had to slam on the brakes. When I rolled down my window and said something to him (which I realised was fairly dangerous), he told me to go fuck myself. Drunk as a lord, he was.

    All my friends out here have had the same experience (as drivers).

  54. 54
    Brachiator says:

    @phoebes-in-santa fe:

    Sorry, but it really hasn’t. I live in Santa Fe and there are an incredible number of drunk drivers out here still. AND, we have the problem of drunk walkers.

    Wow. Drunk walkers. I would never have guessed such a thing happening, although it does make sense in a way. I’m sure that some of these people would slur and mumble “at leash I’m nah driving drunk. Imma goo citizen.”

    And since drinking is a universal problem, I look forward to another holiday tradition, an article in the UK Daily Mail with lots of photos, of holiday binge drinkers in England falling down drunk on streets and sidewalks.

  55. 55
    HinTN says:

    @bad Jim: Awwwww, can’t you leave big bad Bork outta this? He’s daid and this bugger’s very much alive.

  56. 56
    Kyle says:

    @shortstop:

    involve even more secrecy, denial and game-playing than being a non-Mormon non-recovering alcoholic does.

    Or the secrecy, denial and game-playing that just being a Mormon does.

  57. 57
    TenguPhule says:

    Some cruel trickster might even have fed him glogg (who knows what goes into that stuff?) or even hot mulled cider (hey, it’s apples… mostly apples… )

    That’s Scumble, you blaspheming dog!

  58. 58
    SqueakyRat says:

    ‘Tis a truth universally established: no one has ever laughed at a joke about his surname.

  59. 59
    jayackroyd says:

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Thanks. I was trying to think of something witty like that.

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