What if Napoleon had a B-52 at Waterloo?

Even for Joe Klein, this is dumb (h/t reader J):

What would Lincoln do about the fiscal cliff? The answer seems obvious. He would narrow the debate where necessary–on the revenue side–while expanding it to make more-creative long-term judgments about spending. He’d set a revenue figure, let’s say $2 trillion, and allow politics to run its course toward a $1.5 trillion-or-so compromise, with the actual menu of rate increases and loophole closings subject to the convenience of the pols. On the spending side, he would probably have to look at health care in a new way.

I seriously wonder who is the audience for this kind of writing.

124 replies
  1. 1
    sb says:

    Jesus, that is inept.

  2. 2
    cervantes says:

    It’s word salad. Completely vapid. It’s exactly the kind of mindless babble the Republicans are putting forward. Has the man always been an idiot?

  3. 3
    aimai says:

    Vapid totebaggers? Joe Klein is like Maureen Dowd for would be intellectuals. His pop cultural references are just like the aspirational magazines that are cutely poised in catalog vignettes that aim to sell you a knock off chair. Its always “Architectural Digest” or a serious book on Tibet on the coffee table in front of the chair, maybe a tilted over martini glass as a “sly” reference to Mad Men just so we all know the kinds of people who would own this chair and the life we imagine they would lead.

    aimai

  4. 4
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    Actually, Lincoln would have dared Congress to go against him and then sent Sherman through the South until the Southern states capitulated.

    We don’t know what Lincoln would have done because the Civil War is nothing like negotiating over spending.

    (I’m speaking to Klein.)

  5. 5
    Scott S. says:

    Yes, the answer sure does seem obvious, doesn’t it? Lincoln would do exactly what Joe Klein thinks. WHY WILL WE NOT LISTEN TO THE LINCOLNESQUE WISDOMS OF JOE FUCKING KLEIN?!?!?

  6. 6
    Walker says:

    What Lincoln would do is frighten the other party into seceding from the Union, and then crush them when they did.

  7. 7
    Mr. Longform says:

    You know who else would use B52s to drop atom bombs off the fiscal cliffs of Dover if he hadn’t deported all the Jewish physicists to Los Alamos? Lincoln, that’s who. In addition to also, he was gay.

  8. 8
    mass says:

    He’s finally crossed that line, qualifying for the standard description of Newt Gingrich:

    “He’s what a stupid person thinks a smart person sounds like.”

  9. 9
    estamm says:

    What Lincoln ACTUALLY did would have totally freaked out Republicans today. Back then, everything had to be paid for. No deficits allowed. When the gold supply got tight, he started printing paper money, which had not been done before on a national level. Yes, ‘greenbacks’ were an invention of the civil war. At first, Lincoln thought he had to personally sign each one, but was disabused of that notion. It worked, and people started using them instead of coins. Good ole Abe.

  10. 10
    Balconesfault says:

    Ahh – the Joke Line is back in form!

  11. 11
    Baud says:

    The answer seems obvious.

    It’s obvious. You all are just morons.

  12. 12
    the Conster says:

    Klein occasionally gets invited to the Morning Joe roundtable, to be the “leftist”. It’s all just Villager kabuki nonsense.

  13. 13
    Balconesfault says:

    @Walker: With the added bonus of being able to push through his legislative agenda while they were trying seced.

  14. 14
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    I seriously wonder who is the audience for this kind of writing

    People who wander into the local movie theater hoping to see Abraham Lincoln: deficit hunter, and then when they can’t find what they’re looking for they stand out in the parking lot complaining about how the stupid proles are blowing all their money on movies and popcorn when they should be investing in health savings accounts.

  15. 15
    General Stuck says:

    How to stop worrying and learn to luvs you some Comrade Obama.

  16. 16
    John O says:

    @Scott S.:

    Beat me to it. Noted Lincoln expert and channeler Joe Klein with wisdom from the Mount.

  17. 17
    Elizabelle says:

    Article is awful, but boy, does your blogpost headline rock.

    What about that B-52?

  18. 18
    dmsilev says:

    My fake version of Lincoln would, first of all, draft Joe Klein and all of his colleagues and send them to front-line infantry battalions.

  19. 19
    NonyNony says:

    Wow. That is a really offensive use of the corpse of Abe Lincoln as a hand puppet there by Joe Klein.

    For his next trick, the corpse of Abe Lincoln will discuss how the country would be 9 million percent better if we just slash Social Security and let our elderly live in poverty like the good old days. While Joe drinks a glass of water.

  20. 20
    Mark S. says:

    I seriously wonder who is the audience for this kind of writing.

    Nobody. Nobody reads Joe Klein, unless they’re stuck in an airport and the only thing to read is a discarded Time magazine.

  21. 21
    dmsilev says:

    Oh, and Real Abraham Lincoln used the absence of southern nitwits to push through legislation for things like issuing bonds for funding a transcontinental railroad. By extension, Modern Fantasy Lincoln would be pushing deficit-funded infrastructure improvements. If necessary, over the metaphorically-dead bodies of southern politicians.

  22. 22
    Ben Franklin says:

    Lincoln would have sent Thaddeus in to kick Democrat Ass, thatzwut.

  23. 23
    David in NY says:

    What would Lincoln do about the fiscal cliff? The answer seems obvious.

    Does Klein not know that for decades, if not a century or more, the question, “What would Lincoln do …” has been a kind of joke — one of those pointless things clueless people ask?

  24. 24
    Napoleon says:

    Actually I think Lincoln would have send Sherman to level the hometowns of people like Cantor until they voted the way he wanted.

  25. 25
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    @dmsilev:

    My fake version of Lincoln would, first of all, draft Joe Klein and all of his colleagues and send them to front-line infantry battalions.

    Specifically, The Battle of the Media Crater. That’s the battle where they use tons of ordnance to blow a gigantic hole in common sense and logic, and then fall into it and can’t get out, and Nate Silver sits up on the rim picking them off one by one.

  26. 26
    Napoleon says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    Ugh, I should have read everyones post before replying. You beat me to it.

  27. 27
    dww44 says:

    And yet, Klein is all over my cable Teevee since the election. He was on Chris’ show yesterday as part of Tweety’s new found centrism. I had real hopes for the latter during the year long run up to the election, where he actually had some true liberal leanings, even calling out the crazy GOP many times. Now he’s back to middle of the road, right of center posturings when it comes to policy. Plus he’s irritatingly interrupting his guests before they get 3 words out of their mouths. Aside from the sheer rudeness of it, it’s exceedingly annoying for viewers.

  28. 28
    Napoleon says:

    @dmsilev:

    My fake version of Lincoln would, first of all, draft Joe Klein and all of his colleagues and send them to front-line infantry battalions.

    As the flag carriers, no less.

  29. 29
    dr. luba says:

    I can’t find video links, but I do recall SNL answering the questions “What if Eleanor Roosevelt could fly? What if Superman grew up in Nazi Germany?”

  30. 30
    RosiesDad says:

    Lincoln–at least as portrayed in the movie–was a practical politician. But Obama is also a practical politician so it will not surprise me to see a final compromise that includes a smaller rate increase for high earners (37-38% rather than 39.6% and maybe on income >$500K rather than over $250K) combined with targeted loophole closings or caps on deductions. That said, I will be surprised and disappointed if the end result is not a shifting of revenue burden toward the wealthy and away from the middle class which is what Obama campaigned on and which is an anathema to the GOP.

  31. 31
    Mr Stagger Lee says:

    @dmsilev: The Morrill Act that created some of our land-grant universities, that the South no doubt appreciates especially around college football season.

  32. 32
    lumpkin says:

    I want to know what Howdy Doody would do.

    Or how about the 3 Stooges? If Moe and Larry were in a dispute over how much to cut the deficit, Moe would hand Curly a two by four and as Curly turned to walk away, Moe would cleverly duck at the last second and Larry would get bonked in the face. And then Larry would be all dizzy and agree with Moe.

    That’s what I think would happen.

  33. 33

    Jim DeMint leaving the U.S. Senate to head up the Heritage Foundation, according to the WSJ.

    Wish there was a Democrat we could get in that seat. *SIGH*

  34. 34
    Joel says:

    What would Hammurabi do about closing the part D loophole in Medicare?

  35. 35
    Suffern ACE says:

    What would lincoln do? I’ll guess the following based on the movie:
    1) He would say “Thank God, a fiscal cliff is least of my problems.”
    2) He’d tell a folksy tale and you would not be able to tell exactly what his position was.

  36. 36
    Roger Moore says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    Specifically, The Battle of the Media Crater. That’s the battle where they use tons of ordnance to blow a gigantic hole in common sense and logic, and then fall into it and can’t get out, and Nate Silver sits up on the rim picking them off one by one.

    Where would you like your internet delivered, sir?

  37. 37
    Elizabelle says:

    Slightly retooled word salad generated by Klein:

    What would Lincoln do about [expanding] health care in a new way? The answer seems obvious. He would narrow the debate where necessary—on the revenue side—while expanding it [patient choice] to make more-creative long-term judgments about spending. He’d set a revenue figure, let’s say $2 trillion, and allow politics to run its course toward a $1.5 trillion-or-so compromise, with the actual menu of rate increases and loophole closings subject to the convenience of the pols. On the spending side, he would probably have to look at [introducing Medicare for all].

    Is that less intelligible than what he wrote?

  38. 38
    Waldo says:

    This is no job for our sainted dead president. Tell us instead what James Bond or those Red Dawn dudes would do.

  39. 39
    Roger Moore says:

    @Napoleon:
    So what would you have done if you had a B-52 at Waterloo?

  40. 40
    Elizabelle says:

    @Suffern ACE:

    So true!

  41. 41
  42. 42
    schrodinger's cat says:

    Joe Klein’s audience, proto totebaggers. People who think NPR is too liberal and Fox is too crazy.

  43. 43
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Roger Moore: I would have had my troops march to the battle field to “Love Shack” and retreat to “Rock Lobster.”

  44. 44
    Amir Khalid says:

    Joe Klein has no idea — hell, he can have no idea — how Abe Lincoln would have played Barack Obama’s hand on the deficit or on healthcare reform. Klein knows fuck-all about the substance of either issue. He’s just making wild guesses so he can indulge in the Beltway pundit’s game of second-guessing and armchair quarterbackery. He’s makng the quite unwarranted assumption that Congressional Republicans were showing any interest in sane/responsible deals, to make up fantasy political deals he can berate Obama for not making.

  45. 45
    amk says:

    @Southern Beale:

    And teabaggers’ heads collectively explode.

  46. 46
    aimai says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    I don’t think Klein’s audience is people who think NPR is too liberal. I think they think its just liberal enough. His shtick is “something something [reference you catch] something something [centrism masquerading as progress] something something [If Obama listened to me]”

    That’s about it. His audience is all people who are pretty much Democrats but all think that if only they were able to advise Obama he’d do that governing thing so much better.

    aimai

  47. 47
    Napoleon says:

    @Roger Moore:

    Sell it to get money to buy guns and horses, unless in addition to the B-52 I was supplied with air and ground crew, bombs to arm it, fuel to fly it and an airfield to fly it from. In actuality a couple of machine guns would have done me more good then any plane.

  48. 48
    JWR says:

    @the Conster:

    ..It’s all just Villager kabuki nonsense.

    How true, how true. The last time I remember having fun at FDL was when they had their contest for the most stupid thing ever written or said by Joe Klein. I think the winner was the Bush domestic spying program quote:

    “People like me who favor this program don’t yet know enough about it yet. Those opposed to it know even less — and certainly less than I do.”

  49. 49
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Suffern ACE:
    For that you’d want all the B-52s to be at Waterloo, I think.

  50. 50
    pzerzan says:

    If Lincoln were alive today, he’d wear skinny jeans and plaid shirts and listen to Death Cab for Cutie-cuz he was quite emo. I call rights on the Emo Lincoln tag!

  51. 51
    mass says:

    @Waldo: Swayze’s dead, too…

  52. 52
    General Stuck says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    Specifically, The Battle of the Media Crater. That’s the battle where they use tons of ordnance to blow a gigantic hole in common sense and logic,

    Also known as “rearranging the rabble”

  53. 53
    cmorenc says:

    The problem with Klein’s piece is not with his rather obvious piece of political insight that the country sure could use a politician of Lincoln’s caliber right now to navigate treacherously churning political waters past dangerous shoals. When ever in the past 150 years would a high-minded Lincoln-caliber politician not have been useful?

    Rather, the point where Klein transitions from mere trite observation into stupidity is his quite specific speculation on how Lincoln would likely have handled the current political landscape, which amounts to nothing more than Klein attempting to turn Lincoln into a sock-puppet for Klein’s own diagnosis for what Obama ought to do. It’s impossible for any speculation as to what Lincoln would do if he was president today to be more than a pure wild guess, other than it’s likely whatever course he took would be more deftly clever and skillfully manipulative than anything Klein is capable of second-guessing.

  54. 54
    kindness says:

    Those evil bastards at TIME are on to us. If they only had a comment section we could let Joe Klein (and TIME) know what buffoons they are.

    Those bastards!

  55. 55
    Baud says:

    @aimai:

    His audience is all people who are pretty much Democrats but all think that if only they were able to advise Obama he’d do that governing thing so much better.

    That’s pretty much the definition of a Democrat.

  56. 56
    Elizabelle says:

    @Southern Beale:

    Jim DeMint to Heritage? Priceless. From the WSJ:

    Sen. DeMint said he is taking the Heritage job because he sees it as a vehicle to popularize conservative ideas in a way that connects with a broader public. “This is an urgent time,” the senator said, “because we saw in the last election we were not able to communicate conservative ideas that win elections.”

    Nothing wrong with those ideas. Oh no.

    Mr. DeMint, who was a market researcher before he entered politics

    That surprises me. I would have thought he sold insurance or something.

  57. 57
    Napoleon says:

    @Southern Beale:

    Jim DeMint leaving the U.S. Senate to head up the Heritage Foundation, according to the WSJ.

    Whoever is chosen will have to run in a special election at the same time Graham runs. God does that take the pressure off of him.

  58. 58
    Waldo says:

    @mass: It’s cool — the remake has Wolverine Thor.

  59. 59
    Elizabelle says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    Comment 25 is a thing of beauty.

  60. 60
    Baud says:

    What would William Henry Harrison do about the fiscal cliff? He’d catch pneumonia and die in his first month of office so he wouldn’t have to put up with this shit.

  61. 61
    Punchy says:

    DeMint’s become DeMoot now. Good riddance.

  62. 62
    aimai says:

    Because the internet never forgets: @JWR:

    Here is my deathless encounter with Klein in 2009 about just this issue.

  63. 63
    Petorado says:

    Klein had to pick the “what would Lincoln do?” meme for his column since asking “what would Jesus do?” would blow Joe’s cover for advancing the Beltway wisdom of screwing over our neighbors and treating the least of us in ways we’d never treat ourselves.

  64. 64
    Felonius Monk says:

    By the looks of this drivel Joe Klein got another one of his underwear stains published.

    And why, Mighty DougJ, is this piece of shit worth reading, let alone discussing?

  65. 65

    @Southern Beale:
    From the article:

    Mr. DeMint was reelected to a second term in 2010. The 61-year-old senator had announced earlier that he would not seek a third term.

    So he’s retiring from the Senate 4 years early…

    …how should we interpret this? IMO having the main Tea Party spokesbot of the Senate throwing in the towel just as Obama starts his second term has to be some kind of signal (and perhaps even a small moral victory), but I don’t know enough about SC’s domestic politics to know for sure.

    Then again, I’m sure that Heritage will pay him substantially more than his Senate salary. Maybe he’s just doing it for the money.

  66. 66
    gogol's wife says:

    @lumpkin:

    You guys are cracking me up.

  67. 67
    amk says:

    @Felonius Monk: +1. Wasting too much time on united state of assholery

  68. 68
    General Stuck says:

    @Elizabelle:

    “because we saw in the last election we were not able to communicate conservative ideas that win elections.”

    Now if he could just get Coburn to join him, together they can work with a free hand to communicate the scourge of teenage lesbianism in high school bathrooms.

  69. 69
    Lurking Canadian says:

    Well, he could always suspend habeas corpus, then round up all the teabaggers and ship them to the FEMA camps. That would solve the budget problem, I’m thinking.

  70. 70
    Roger Moore says:

    @Waldo:

    Tell us instead what James Bond or those Red Dawn dudes would do.

    Bond is pretty easy. He would infiltrate the Republicans’ secret lair, rescue the girl (who’s obviously not a Republican, natch), get into a huge gunfight with the Republicans’ army of teabagger goons (who can’t shoot straight with their Revolutionary War era muskets), and finally be rescued when Felix Leiter, Barack Obama, and the USMC show up.

  71. 71
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Needs more Tyrannosaurs in F-14s.

  72. 72
    Elizabelle says:

    @Southern Beale:

    I am just amazed DeMint is not heading to the Southern Heritage Foundation.

  73. 73
    dww44 says:

    @Southern Beale: Good grief! I read the comments and didn’t know that one must be registered to recommend, much less comment and in order to do those things one must pay to subscribe to the WSJ.

    Nevertheless, if a somewhat mainstream conservative publication has commenters who will donate to the Heritage Foundation (as if it needed any more money) and not to that awful RNC, then no wonder the GOP shows no signs of moderation. Ya know, cause Jim DeMint is a true conservative, unlike the rest of them elected Republicans. It would be the cats’ knees to get a Democrat from SC into Senate in the 2014. After all, with both seats vacant, Democrats should be able to field a viable candidate.

    Personally, I had thought that DeMint has been awfully quiet of late. Everyone gets burned out if they work at something long enough and new challenges and opportunities can be very appealing, not withstanding the financial opportunity. Cynic that I am, I don’t think he’s making the move entirely based on the opportunity to rebuild the conservative party.

  74. 74
    jl says:

    More on the theme of brilliant pundits: Gergen.

    “…David Gergen’s declaration that Obama went too far by demanding $1.6 trillion in revenue, that he should have stayed with Simpson-Bowles, which calls for $2.2 trillion in revenue.”

    Simpson-Bowles Explained
    The Krug, NYT
    http://www.balloon-juice.com

  75. 75
    Culture of Truth says:

    Would Grover Cleveland had signed Grover’s pledge?

  76. 76
    Roger Moore says:

    @Napoleon:

    In actuality a couple of machine guns would have done me more good then any plane.

    A decent recon plane might have been more useful than any combat arms; knowing where your enemies are is half the fight. I’m also thinking that a few quality command radios would have been awfully helpful. Imagine if you could have cleared up the Compte d’Erlon’s orders so he didn’t spend a whole day marching and counter-marching between Ligny and Quatre Bras. There might never have been a Waterloo in the first place.

  77. 77
    JWR says:

    @aimai: I remember that post, aimai! Thanks for the link, and good on you for a great performance.

    Joe Klein, to me, is why we need term limits for political pundits. (Or at least a sort of rotation. Maybe let Joe do the weather for a year or two?) Because the most depressing thing after this latest election was turning on the tube and seeing all the same, miserable old faces, saying the same damn things.

  78. 78
    jl says:

    @Bubblegum Tate: Thanks. Good point. If T Rex had F 14s would they have won? And what would they do about income tax reduction reform? We need more imaginative ‘out of the box’ debate on vital issues of the day.

    And, Doug J never got around to telling us what Napolean would have done if he had B 52’s at Waterloo. I think the title of this post is misleading.

    What if he had portable nuclear power generators to take to Moscow? Hmmmmmm…?

  79. 79
    Felonius Monk says:

    What would Lincoln do about the fiscal cliff?

    Well, I’m not Abraham Lincoln, but I did spend the night in a Holiday Inn Express!

  80. 80
    Jamey says:

    I seriously wonder who is the audience for this kind of writing.

    Have you seen Time’s circ numbers recently? Apparently, nobody.

  81. 81
    Napoleon says:

    @Roger Moore:

    That is why I always get a laugh out of the conterfactual histories where someone is given a weapon over a 100 years more advanced then what they have which almost by definition means they likely could not put it to effective use, when all they need is something a little more advanced and pretty simple at that. Actually a modern drone would be of more use to him then a B-52 since he could at least plausably field it.

    Hell, if the Union had armed all their soldiers with something like the Henry Rifle which was invented right about the time the war broke out the North could have rolled over the South years earlier with many less lost.

  82. 82
    geg6 says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    WIN

    Your internets are in the mail.

  83. 83
    handsmile says:

    And even before he gets to his ahistorical delusions about Lincoln, Joke Line’s column begins:

    Suddenly it seems as if everyone in the political world is talking about Steven Spielberg’s splendid film Lincoln…As I watched the film, I couldn’t help thinking about Senator John McCain. Not the current embittered McCain but the earlier version–the reformer who tried to clean up the political system.

    Following the paragraph on Lincoln and the fiscal cliff, there’s this:

    Universal health coverage is now the law of the land, thanks to the Supreme Court. And in its broadest outline, if implemented successfully, Obamacare bears more than a passing resemblance to the voucherized Medicare system proposed by Paul Ryan.

    Such are among the zombie lies and addled musings of the chief political columnist of Time Magazine. Let us hope for the New Year that Time soon follows the example of Newsweek and ceases print publication. While JokeLine would still appear among the cable bobbleheads upon occasion, he would become even more irrelevant.

  84. 84
    jl says:

    Hey kids! What if Obama had a TIME MACHINE! And he could travel back in time and change the way he negotiated the last fiscal policy stalemate, and we all woke up tomorrow in a different world, and..

    Oh wait…

    I guess he’s got this locked down after all.

  85. 85
    jl says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    But what if Nate Silver got totally shit face drunk? Huh, what then?

  86. 86
    Brachiator says:

    @estamm:

    What Lincoln ACTUALLY did would have totally freaked out Republicans today. Back then, everything had to be paid for. No deficits allowed. When the gold supply got tight, he started printing paper money, which had not been done before on a national level. Yes, ‘greenbacks’ were an invention of the civil war.

    Excellent point. Knowledge of real history is much harder than stupid punditry.

    @Joel:

    What would Hammurabi do about closing the part D loophole in Medicare?

    Same thing as Solomon. Offer to slice it in half.

  87. 87
    Waldo says:

    @Roger Moore: Awesome. And Limbaugh will play the part of Fat Bastard. Oh, wait, wrong spy series.

  88. 88
    jayackroyd says:

    @cervantes: Yes, he has.

    I was just thinking about Joe, actually–because I don’t think anyone reads him anymore. It’s like the scene in Primary Colors (which is the best campaign book I’ve read, FWIW) when the Carville character hauls out his “python” at the copy machine to show a young staffer. She says “I’ve never seen one that old before.”

    There’s no room for Joe here in the future.

  89. 89
    handsmile says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    While we here may have declared Nate Silver “KIng of the Quants,” it seems the vast majority of our fellow citizens still regard him with some suspicion.

    According to a PPP survey released Tuesday, only 12% have a favorable opinion of him. Ten percent hold an unfavorable opinion and fully 77% were not sure.

    And it gets worse: a plurality of those surveyed (31%) trust Gallup on election polling more than Silver (14%). Fifty-five percent just don’t know who to trust. Maths is hard!

    (via TPM):
    http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.....fpnewsfeed

  90. 90
    jayackroyd says:

    Let’s see…. Homestead Act. Land Grant Colleges. An income tax, a PROGRESSIVE income tax. And the freeing the slaves business.

    If only he’d picked a republican VP. Or skipped that night in the theater.

  91. 91
    Brachiator says:

    @handsmile:

    While we here may have declared Nate Silver “KIng of the Quants,” it seems the vast majority of our fellow citizens still regard him with some suspicion.

    This probably dovetails with the shock and awe and denial that still inflicts wingnuts. Coming to work this morning, I heard a woman on the Stephanie Miller Show explain how those long lines of voters in Florida were all the 18-34 year old illegal immigrants that Obama had raised up to steal the election. The fix apparently was in, and “all the whites” clearly preferred Romney.

    Facts, accurate polling and logic doesn’t stand a chance when it is up against stuff like this.

  92. 92
    Just One More Canuck says:

    @Elizabelle: The republicans seem to be convinced that their real problem in the election wasn’t crappy policies being pushed by crappy candidates – it was all about marketing. They don’t seem to understand that it wouldn’t matter how well they marketed it, their policies/candidates were still a bag o glass

  93. 93
    handsmile says:

    @Brachiator:

    Ain’t it the truth: Facts (e.g., birthplace), unskewed polling, and patriotism doesn’t stand a chance when it is up against stuff like ACORN.

    It’s only the liberal lamestream media that refuses to accept that Willard Romney was elected President of the United States of Real America. They claim he’s in seclusion, but we “makers” know he’s busy assembling his shadow cabinet. Re-elected (praise Jesus!) Alabama chief justice Roy “Ten Commandments” Moore will gladly administer the oath of office. And there’s already a Ministry of Information. Wolverines, I tellz ya!

  94. 94
    dww44 says:

    @Brachiator: Yes, indeedy, facts stand no chance in the unreality world of conservatives post-Romney. My BIL just called from his car where he was cooling off from his encounter in a Verizon store line with a tea party 60 ish white female who announced that she was there to get her Obamafone.

    When he asked her for details she had none, and he told her point blank that her problem was with the very fact of a black man being elected President. Mind you this verbal confrontation took place in Rep. Westmoreland’s district, so no other explanations are necessary.

  95. 95
    Chris says:

    @mass:

    I know a lot of Republicans like that. For all their hatred of intellectuals there’s a class of Goopers that absolutely revels in pseudo intellectual “look how many big words I can use!” garbage.

  96. 96
    jayackroyd says:

    @Just One More Canuck: I think they know they’re fucked. Rove and Bush tried to expand their demographic reach with a natural population of conservative, family oriented hispanic voters.

    But the rank and file wouldn’t accept it. Hence Rove cashing out, grifting to the max, in 2012.

  97. 97
    Gian says:

    Joe Klein hired Nancy Reagan’s astrologer to talk to the dead?

  98. 98
    Ruckus says:

    @cervantes:
    Has the man always been an idiot?

    The only available information would say yes. But he’s such an idiot that almost no one reads his dreck on a regular basis so there is the infinitesimally small possibility that he once typed something while in a coma that was not idiotic.

  99. 99
    Brachiator says:

    @dww44:

    My BIL just called from his car where he was cooling off from his encounter in a Verizon store line with a tea party 60 ish white female who announced that she was there to get her Obamafone.

    Is this the phone that comes with the free calling plan?

    These people are whipping themselves into a frenzy, composed equally of irrational hatred of Obama and denial at the degree to which the GOP openly, blatantly views them as a bunch of suckers.

  100. 100
    Ruckus says:

    @Just One More Canuck:
    I think it’s more like a flaming bag of dog shit on the front porch. No one but the perpetrators think it’s funny, it always stinks, it always makes a mess, someone else has to clean it up, it can easily ruin a pair of shoes, and it is pointless.

  101. 101
    Mnemosyne says:

    @dww44:

    I think I would probably be hard-pressed not to laugh in the woman’s face and tell her that she’s been fooled by an internet prank.

  102. 102
    Mnemosyne says:

    @handsmile:

    According to a PPP survey released Tuesday, only 12% have a favorable opinion of him. Ten percent hold an unfavorable opinion and fully 77% were not sure.

    I’m guessing the 77% opinion was more like, “I have no idea who that is.” Sometimes we in the blog bubble forget that very few people have the first clue who Nate Silver is and care even less once you tell them.

  103. 103
    Hawes says:

    Lincoln would’ve thrown all the Southern Congressmen in jail is what he would have done.

  104. 104
    Brachiator says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    I’m guessing the 77% opinion was more like, “I have no idea who that is.” Sometimes we in the blog bubble forget that very few people have the first clue who Nate Silver is and care even less once you tell them.

    There is this, as well. The story notes:

    The survey, conducted by Democratic-leaning Public Policy Polling, showed a plurality of voters, 31 percent, trust Gallup more than Silver.

    “Gallup ” is pretty much a generic brand name for polling.

  105. 105
    The Other Chuck says:

    I seem to be having problems with the throughput on my wireless router. Maybe I should ask Joe Klein how George Washington would debug it.

    I’m also having trouble getting my code to compile. Let’s ask Joe Klein how Alexander Hamilton would refactor it.

  106. 106
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @Culture of Truth:
    Grover Cleveland Alexander probably would’ve signed it if you’d shoved it in front of him the night after he won Game 6 of the 1926 World Series. Assuming you caught him early enough in the evening that he could still hold a pen. (You could look it up.)

  107. 107
    cckids says:

    @Mark S.:

    Nobody reads Joe Klein, unless they’re stuck in an airport and the only thing to read is a discarded Time magazine.

    Also too, doctor’s offices. I read a 6-month old Time magazine just yesterday. It was kind of fun to see how wrong they were about all kinds of things regarding the election.

  108. 108
    handsmile says:

    @Mnemosyne: , @Brachiator:

    To be sure, I agree with you both. On my occasional forays outside of the “blog bubble,” I was repeatedly surprised by conversations with friends and acquaintances whom I would regard as politically engaged who were unaware or but dimly of Nate Silver, even in the closing weeks of the election (Sam Wang and Drew Linzer registered even less recognition).

    Thus, part of the reason I hang around here. Though by beginning my reply to “ThatLeftTurninABQ” with “While we here may have declared Nate Silver…”, I was trying to acknowledge its “meta” or in-house nature.

  109. 109
    Alex says:

    Doug, you know exactly who the audience is. It is the people that employ Joe, along with literally everyone he interacts with on a daily basis.

  110. 110
    El Cid says:

    Hammurabi would’ve told them to either send him a stele he could sign or look upon the kingdom of Larsi and ask how well it went for them to play games when it came to facing the Elamites.

  111. 111
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    I did not think it possible for the Heritage Foundation to be a more appropriate place for the meteor to hit, but with DeMented going there, it has become so.

  112. 112
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Brachiator:

    “Gallup ” is pretty much a generic brand name for polling.

    According to Taco, it’s the Cadillac of polls. The sort of Cadillac that rides Mitt Romney’s car elevator.

  113. 113

    […] more here: What if Napoleon had a B-52 at Waterloo? – Balloon Juice ← NOW: Obama's Cabinet Needs to Be 50-Percent Female | the Daily […]

  114. 114
    cckids says:

    @Lurking Canadian:

    Well, he could always suspend habeas corpus, then round up all the teabaggers and ship them to the FEMA camps. That would solve the budget problem, I’m thinking.

    This. It always gets overlooked because: A)Lincoln’s side won, and B)Most sane people think he was on the side of the angels holding the Union together. But he pulled some Executive Power stuff that would have liberals howling in the streets today. Kept Maryland in the Union by not letting their legislature meet to decide to secede; cut the telegraph lines at times to prevent news getting around; suspended hapeas corpus, etc. He was a radical in the service of keeping the States United.

  115. 115
    Roger Moore says:

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    Grover Cleveland Alexander probably would’ve signed it if you’d shoved it in front of him the night after he won Game 6 of the 1926 World Series.

    And zombie movie Grover Cleveland Alexander would have signed the pledge just because that’s the kind of guy he was.

  116. 116
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    OK, but who would win a fist fight between Lincoln and Batman?

  117. 117
    scott says:

    I went to the University of Virginia, so you would get this kinda stuff a lot (would Thommas Jefferson want longer library hours, etc.) in the college newspapers. All of us knew it was a BS game suitable for the kind of rag college students put out, but apparently it works at any level.

  118. 118
    Brachiator says:

    @cckids:

    This. It always gets overlooked because: A)Lincoln’s side won, and B)Most sane people think he was on the side of the angels holding the Union together. But he pulled some Executive Power stuff that would have liberals howling in the streets today.

    A lot of this is very cogently presented in the film Lincoln. Again, I am surprised that more Balloon Juicers have not seen it.

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    According to Taco, it’s the Cadillac of polls. The sort of Cadillac that rides Mitt Romney’s car elevator.

    Good one.

    Also, the sort of old broken down Cadillac up on blocks in a wingnut’s front yard.

    Meanwhile, that sleek new Natesilvermobile shoots on by on the highway.

  119. 119
    Brachiator says:

    @Quaker in a Basement:

    OK, but who would win a fist fight between Lincoln and Batman?

    Tough call. Depends on whether or not Abe’s got his vampire hunting axe with him.

  120. 120

    […] (via Balloon Juice) […]

  121. 121
    glom glomgold says:

    “Has the man always been an idiot?”

    yes

    simple answer to etc

  122. 122
    pattonbt says:

    But what would Teddy Roosevelt do?

  123. 123
    Tehanu says:

    @dr. luba:
    You beat me to it, but I think the full, er, monty was, “What if Eleanor Roosevelt could fly and had an imaginary friend?” The imaginary friend, of course, would be Joe Klein. Or Lincoln. One of the two.

  124. 124
    Dream On says:

    Are you saying Abraham Lincoln can’t hit a goddamn curve ball?

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