Early Morning Open Thread: Black Friday TWOC

Over at TPM (h/t commentor JGabriel), Michael Lester gleefully compiles a video of Fox News fear-mongering:

…In the days before Thanksgiving, Fox filled its shows with dire, sometimes terrifying segments about all the threats surrounding the merriest season of the year. There’s the eradication of free speech by atheist “loons,” the possibility of choking on our food, the diseases spread on airplanes, and the endless depression that comes from Christmas commercials.

If we even make it to Christmas, that is. Fox’s morning man Bill Hemmer charted the possibility that the “apocalypse” would arrive on Dec. 22, and just how sad it will be when we all get wiped out, leaving all those unopened presents under the tree…

And then (via Dan Savage) there’s this shriveled old former Republican presidential contender:

You guys stole it from us pagans in the first place, Pastor Robertson.

48 replies
  1. 1
    Andrew Abshier says:

    Boy, do I hate Silly Season. At least it comes with appropriate propaganda music:


    Yeah, right.

  2. 2
    bjacques says:

    You see me now a veteran of a thousand Christmas wars…

  3. 3
    Schlemizel says:

    getting ready to go to work today – thank pasta its not retail sales!

    I suppose the folks at FAUX News are very concerned that their reality distortion field took a bad hit a couple of Tuesdays ago. They are going to have to spin harder in order to maintain the proper level of fear, hatred and down right panic amongst the inhabitants of the field

  4. 4
    Geoduck says:


    They are going to have to spin harder in order to maintain the proper level of fear, hatred and down right panic amongst the inhabitants of the field.

    Seems like Obama winning makes that job easier.

  5. 5
    Schlemizel says:

    In one way his winning does make it easier but remember the illusions were shattered when they couldn’t call Ohio. The wizards had assured them a Willard win & it wasn’t really close. That allowed some amount of reality to sneak into their world & if that is not beaten back they might actually lose faith in fantasy land.

    I expect a particularly shrill “war on Xmas” this year.

  6. 6
    Misterpuff says:

    @bjacques: Baby, Don’t Fear The Santa….

  7. 7
    JGabriel says:

    Aw, it’s always encouragin’ to see one’s name on the front page — makes one feel noticed and like part of the community, it does. Thanks for the hat tip, Anne.

  8. 8

    I am going to shop for tires for my Mustang. Other than that, I’m staying home and watching whatever L&O or NCIS marathon one of the cable channels is running.

  9. 9
    Keith says:

    Speaking of stealing the election, during the usual complaining about Obama winning the election, someone at dinner said “Did you notice that all the states that Romney won had Voter ID?” Quite easy to stay out of conversations like that these days, but it gets kind of difficult to not outwardly laugh at them, even if it is the holidays.

  10. 10
    tjmn says:

    If there is no Christmas because the world ends (or whatever faux news says will happen), I will really be pissed off. And I’m off to wrap presents.

  11. 11
    Cheryl from Maryland says:

    Bless their hearts, they are just following orders from (per Lucy van Pelt), the big Eastern syndicate that runs Xmas. Now to prepare for pagan fun – ice skating!

  12. 12
    c u n d gulag says:

    If there really is a “War on Christmas,” then we Liberals, Atheists, and Agnostics, are the easiest and most compliant enemy in the world’s history.

    Maybe I shouldn’t speak for others, but I’ve never minded an the invasion of gifts.

    And as I’ve gotten older, I find there are less and less presents being shot at me.

    And it ain’t ’cause I don’t believe. It’s just that, as I’ve gotten older, and through the years, my family has gotten poorer and poorer – thanks to the attacks on the economy by General’s Nixon, Reagan, and the Bush’s – especially, during and after the reign of “Little Boots” Bush.

    Merry Winter Solstice All!

  13. 13
    Napoleon says:


    You should have said, “Like Wisc., Pa and Ohio?”

  14. 14
    hep kitty says:

    We don’t even exchange gifts anymore. It takes so much stress off of everyone and makes the whole occasion more enjoyable.

    I don’t miss the gift-buying/giving. We, as a nation, need to get over this obsession of gift buying-giving. Especially in hard economic times.

    If we’re going to do it, let’s do it at locally owned shops. And lets just do it for the kids alone.

    And for the love of all that is holy, NO BIG BOX STORES. I’m guilty of going to WalMart on my lunch hours to knock out 2 errands in 1, that sort of thing. But I hate every minute of it. Every.single.minute. I lose my car in the parking lot, etc.

    Super pet peeve: running out of tuna in my house is not an option, if I value my life and sanity. All other gro stores put tuna in the CANNED MEAT aisle. Walmart puts it next to the mac-n-cheese! WTF? And you can’t get anyone to help you find the damned stuff. I started to get that panicky feeling. OH GOD I CAN’T GO HOME W/O TUNA. I ended up getting canned chicken! For some reason she forgave me and ate it.

    It sux. So now I have 2 compelling reasons to avoid Wal-Fart as much as humanly possible.

    I’m serious, it’s torture going in there. Even if you have no principles or feelings about the working poor (which most of their employees are, let’s face it), it’s just not worth it.

    (I know I’m preaching to the choir here, of course, And TG ppl are waking up, finally. I’ve been waiting 20 yrs)

  15. 15

    Uh oh. Looks like we have another SCANDAL brewing for the Obama administration:

    Peace, one of two turkeys pardoned by President Obama last year, was euthanized Monday, according to an official who insisted the timing of the death – days before the Thanksgiving holiday – was not suspicious.

    Not suspicious? This is going to make Benghazi look like a nothingburger!

  16. 16
    hep kitty says:

    @Schlemizel: “Spin” being the operative word. I only hear clips or read snippets now and then but it’s obvious that they’re not just spinning, they are drilling themselves into the ground, in a frantic frenzy.

    They are panicking and scrambling like rats on a sinking ship. The male hosts are frothing at the mouth more than ever and their hysterical fishwife acts are now turned up to 11. The female hosts, more shrill and homicidal-sounding than ever.

    And they just keep throwing whatever shit they can against the wall. Pretty soon it’s going to look like a primate zoo sans zookeeper.

    It’s hilarious to watch. And surreal. A thing of beauty.

    I’ve already had the best Christmas present in teh world, thank you very much, Fox News.

    Basking in Your Misery

  17. 17
    Woodrowfan says:

    @Napoleon: And Virginia…

  18. 18
    dr. luba says:


    You should have said, “Like Wisc., Pa and Ohio?”

    And don’t forget Michigan, where Romney lost by 9%. His home state, to boot. (Or one of them. I’ve lost track of all his home states. Did he carry any of them?)

  19. 19
    dr. luba says:

    @The Ancient Randonneur: I’m sure Daryl Issa will schedule hearing IMMEDIATELY! Wolverines!

  20. 20
    Schlemizel says:



    Don’t fear the Santa by the Blue Eleven Cult?

  21. 21
    Schlemizel says:

    @hep kitty:

    Its going to be very hard on all the clowns and clownettes over there. They had it turned up to 11 all year long – where do they go from here? In some ways it scares me because I think they must have a hundred orcs toiling day and night like that scene in LOtR, trying to forge some new poutrage and a dial that goes to 12

  22. 22
    Mark B. says:

    @The Ancient Randonneur:

    The turkey death panel decreed it.

  23. 23
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @dr. luba:

    He carried Utah, but I don’t know whether that counts as one of his “home” states. He lost California, Michigan, Massachusetts and New Hampshire.

    Makes me smile.

  24. 24
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Napoleon: Wisconsin’s voter ID law is subject to two permanent injunctions because of violation of the WI Constitution. Both decisions are under appeal, but I think they will be upheld.

  25. 25
    hep kitty says:

    @Schlemizel: Honestly, you’d think they’d be exhausted by now. I don’t know how any one human being can physically sustain such levels of manufactured hysteria for this long and just keep it going.

    I have a visual of them flopping all over the Fox studio, soon, like fishes out of water, gasping for air while Murdoch looks on, wondering whether or not resuscitation is in order.

  26. 26
    1badbaba3 says:

    Their world seems to be going all “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” on them, no? They keep calling for miracles, yet don’t have the juice to pull them off. All that devil shit like math, science, and reality getting in the way of their Christian rule.

    Best Festivus EVAH!

  27. 27
    Schlemizel says:

    @hep kitty:

    I worked in TV and radio production for about 4 years as a kid and I have seen ‘talent’ amp up just before the red light goes on. I imagine those clowns to be like rock bands; spend some time amping up, go on stage performing as hard as needed for the crowd that night then walking off stage and having to come down from the rush.

    I have to believe that is a young persons thing, by the time you are the age of Ailes trolls I would think it has to take a physical and mental toll. It would be nice to see a couple of them have complete breakdowns.

  28. 28
    hep kitty says:

    @Schlemizel: I read that Andrea Tantaro quipped cheerily that going on food stamps would be an awesome way for her to get all skinny and hot and stuff.

    But then that runs counter to the argument that people on food stamps buy steaks and caviar eat like kings.

  29. 29
    hep kitty says:

    I want to give a shout out to all the unemployed who may be reading today.

    You are my brother, you are my sister. I know where you have been and where you are and I love you. Someone you have never seen or will ever see or even have any reason to care about, loves you. You are not alone in the hearts of man as long as I breathe.

    I say these things because I cannot put my arms around you and give you the big collective hug you deserve.

  30. 30
  31. 31
    Kane says:

    I suppose Black Friday is a gift from Obama to the Black Panthers.

  32. 32
    Schlemizel says:

    @hep kitty:

    It makes as much sense as saying Obama is an incompetent naif who can’t run a one car funeral that has a clever scheme for undermining Christan American and has successfully pulled off the greatest election theft since 2004

    The true believers must have zero long-term memory. Whatever was said 10 minutes ago no loner exists in their world

  33. 33

    Sweet Buddha on a bagel, man, if there ever were a “War on Christmas” then look around you. Christmas won.

    We barely talk about Thanksgiving now, it’s all about “Black Friday”, there are Christmas decorations starting to show up before Halloween. Christmas has taken over the months of October, November, and December. Columbus Day is next.

    Christmas is like the Genghis Khan of holidays.

  34. 34
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Comrade Dread:
    And not just in America. In Malaysia, some of the less-hip-to-local-sensitivities international department store chains begin their Christmas promotions even before Deepavali. I’m not Hindu myself, but it strikes me as a little rude.

  35. 35
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @the Conster:

    Because he’s the Whore of Babylon, dontcha know!

  36. 36
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Comrade Dread:

    Bill O’Reilly to Comrade Dread: I can’t hearrrrrrrrrr you!

  37. 37
    Ash Can says:

    Some people just aren’t happy unless they have something to crab about.

  38. 38
    Schlemizel says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    I am sure insensitivity plays a part but my guess is greed is the real motivator.

    Seriously, who puts their family deeply into debt buying crap for Eid or Ramadan? Who tramples people trying to be the first to buy some POS that might be 10% off for Dawali?

    But give a group of people Xmas and for too many the controls are all out the window. That retailers have caught on to this and are exploiting it is no surprise. The real question to me is how long before the parasite kills its host?

  39. 39
    gocart mozart says:

    @dr. luba:
    Just Utah

  40. 40
    Uncle Cosmo says:


    He carried Utah, but I don’t know whether that counts as one of his “home” states.

    Home is where the heartlessness is, I guess.

    Q. Name a whine that is acceptable to the LDS church.
    A. “When are we moving back to Uuuuuuutah?”

    (Told to me by My Favorite Mormon many years ago…)

  41. 41
    wrb says:

    Destined to join such holiday classics as “The Grinch” is “Sarah Palin at the Turkey Slaughter”

  42. 42
    Schlemizel says:

    @Comrade Dread:

    Probably so late nobody will see this but its is spot on funny


  43. 43
    redshirt says:


  44. 44
    BD of MN says:

    Xmas sent out the first defensive maneuver when the Rod Stewart Xmas album advertisement popped up in the middle of “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”…

  45. 45
    Patricia Kayden says:

    Yawn. I guess for the rest of our lives we’ll have to live with Christianists whining about the War on Christmas, which only exists in their heads (along with the persecuted White American Christians and the downtrodden White American men).

  46. 46
    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn says:


    . It would be nice to see a couple of them have complete breakdowns.

    Remember – one (wo)man’s mental breakdown is another’s cleansing moment of clarity.


  47. 47
    JGabriel says:

    WPTC via The Ancient Randonneur:

    Peace, one of two turkeys pardoned by President Obama last year, was euthanized Monday …

    According to participants in the euthanasia ceremony, the patient was delicious.


  48. 48
    Rorgg says:

    @dr. luba:

    New Hampshire

    … nope, lost ’em all. Well, he did spend a couple years in Utah. But he was totally a Massachusetts resident the whole time. Retroactively.

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