99 Douche Poltroons

I was really surprised that there wasn’t an “Obama stole the election” conspiracy theory the morning after the election, but I guess that was just shellshock, because the “unskewed polls” guy now has conspiracy theory site explaining how Barack O’Fraudo stole the election.

Speaking of poll-denying douches, Joe Scar’s “apology” to Nate Silver in Politico starts with a few paragraphs explaining how liberals are like dirty hippies and that figuring out elections is hard. I don’t think my mother would call that a real apology.

I’ll let the nutpickers among us find the other 97 douches. I’m sure there are many others but they haven’t been discovered.

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189 replies
  1. 1
    Hunter Gathers says:

    I may be a dirty hippie and figuring out elections may be hard, but I never fucked an intern that ended up dead in my office. Just sayin’.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    TooManyJens says:

    Wasn’t it, like, a week ago that John Boehner was saying that Obamacare was the law of the land and he wouldn’t be trying to repeal it anymore?

    Nevermind.

  4. 4
    Bruuuuce says:

    CNN points to a couple of douches, including one of their own: Judson Phillips (the guy who wants red states to boycott the Electoral College vote so that the House can select a President) and their golden boy Erick, Son of Erick, who once again notes that conservatism cannot fail, it can only be failed. Hoocouldanode?

  5. 5
    schrodinger's cat says:

    OT: But interesting. Interview with a Pakistani scientist, about the situation in Pakistan. Not very reassuring.

  6. 6
    libarbarian says:

    “The foreign peoples made a conspiracy in their precincts. All at once the real American lands were removed and scattered in the fray. No real American could stand before their votes: from Ohio, Pennsylvania, Colorado, and Florida on, being cut off at one time. A camp was set up in DC. They desolated its people, and its land was like that which has never come into being. They were coming forward toward Texas while the flame was prepared before them. Their confederation was the Blacks, Latinos, Asians, and Single Women, lands united. They laid their hands upon the land as far as the circuit of the earth, their hearts confident and trusting: ‘Our plans will succeed!’ “

  7. 7
    Hunter Gathers says:

    I’d say that Walnuts and Huckleberry Closetcase knocks that 97 down to 95.

  8. 8
    Chyron HR says:

    Barack O’Fraudo

    Ha ha, it’s funny because it sounds like “Obamo”, which would be the President’s name if the President was named Barack Obamo. Sheer brilliance.

  9. 9
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I’ll let the nutpickers among us find the other 97 douches. I’m sure there are many others but they haven’t been discovered.

    These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,
    And there may be many others, but they haven’t been discovered.

  10. 10
    Hunter Gathers says:

    @Chyron HR: I wonder how many days it took for him to come up with that one. How many more pithy names he could come up with if all of his time wasn’t being consumed by Not Getting Laid?

  11. 11
    ruemara says:

    @Chyron HR: As stunningly successful as “Unskewed Polls”.

  12. 12
    Violet says:

    If Dick Morris isn’t one of the D-bags, there’s something very wrong with the list.

    @Hunter Gathers: Can someone please refresh my memory on this story. I keep reading things like this, but I simply can’t remember what happened. Is the dead intern why Joe left office? Was he implicated?

  13. 13
    Bulworth says:

    @Bruuuuce: That’s too bad. I’m old enough to remember when the Electoral College was the conservative firewall against the tyranny of the popular vote. I guess it too is now contaminated by urban voters and too many people voting generally. Only the gerrymandered House can save us from the corruption of Democracy. Believe in America.

  14. 14
    Rob in Buffalo says:

    Dick Morris – My “prediction” of a Rmoney landslide would have been right except for Hurricane Sandy and Gov. Christie’s praise of the Prez. (Seriously.)

    Also, he refers to Obama’s 51%-47%, 329-206 EV victory as a “squeaker”.

  15. 15
    Surreal American says:

    I’ll let the nutpickers among us find the other 97 douches. I’m sure there are many others but they haven’t been discovered.

    Every douche’s a superzero. Every douche’s a Captain Jerk.

  16. 16
    scav says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Thing is, there are far more than a tables’s worth and it would a step up if their idiocy were periodic. All of which does nothing to dim the brilliance of your statement.

  17. 17
    Schlemizel says:

    I just discovered an interesting site I don’t recall ever getting a mention here, Pundit tracker
    http://www.pundittracker.com/
    They track the actual success rate of sports, politics and other pundits. Hey! thats a start!

    here is the sub for politics
    http://blog.pundittracker.com/category/politics/

    worth a read

  18. 18
    Violet says:

    Speaking of polling, Dan Senor offers this insight:

    “There is some kind of systemic crisis today in the world of polling, I think particularly on the right-of-center polling. The modeling was way off,”

    Yes, yes, a “systemic crisis.” That’s how you explain that your polling deals in fantasy and wishful thinking and isn’t reality based.

  19. 19
    M31 says:

    Came here to wink at the Tom Lehrer reference, but SiubhanDuinne beat me to it, so I’ll just get this started:

    99 Douche Poltroons in the Fail Brigade,
    With a hundred and ten Times Op-Ed-ers close at hand
    They were followed by rows and rows
    of the pearl-clutching WaPo hos
    The cream of Sally Q’s famous band. . . .. . !

  20. 20
    slag says:

    TNC highlights this Dan Senor quote:

    Reporters across the political spectrum, pundits across the political divide, believed this race was too close to call.

    That’s right, Dan. Nobody could have predicted!

  21. 21
    Violet says:

    @Schlemizel: Oh, that’s good stuff! Thanks for the link. Keep ’em accountable.

  22. 22
    Richard says:

    Whenever something doesn’t go their way, there’s always a conspiracy theory behind it.

    Obama won because millions of illegal immigrants voted for him.

    Obama made gas prices fall before the election.

    Obama manipulated the unemployment numbers before the election.

    Obama had Andrew Breitbart assassinated.

  23. 23
    Short Bus Bully says:

    Want that 5 mins of my life back that I spent reading Joe Scarborough. What a fuckstick. He’s trying to make excuses for being a flat earther; “math is hard”, and “numbers, how the fuck do they work?”

    Fuck that shit Joe, you’re just another Repub dumbass, indistinguishable from all the other dumbasses who thought W. was a good prez because you could fantasize about having a beer with him…

  24. 24
    M31 says:

    @Rob in Buffalo:

    Not only does Morris refer to Obama’s 329 EC victory as a ‘squeaker’ but IN THE SAME ARTICLE refers to woulda-shoulda-coulda Romney’s predicted 325 ED victory as a ‘landslide’.

    Seriously, he’s at least 50 of the remaining 97 douches all by himself.

  25. 25
    Warren Terra says:

    They’ve discovered the Democratic plot to fraudulently re-elect Obama – but they have no idea how deep it goes. I hear the conspiracy is so widespread and pervasive that the Democrats were able to achieve their perfidy with aid of legion of accomplices, each of whom stuffed the ballot box with a single vote. Thus they were able to steal the election a tiny little bit at a time, almost imperceptibly, each one a chip knocked away from the foundations of the country our forefathers knew, taking us that much farther from a time when men were men and some were chattel.

  26. 26
    Anoniminous says:

    GOP and Conservatives are doing what they do best: deny reality.

  27. 27
    Hunter Gathers says:

    @Violet:

    Is the dead intern why Joe left office? Was he implicated?

    No and no. But he was obviously fucking her while he was in between wives. You don’t bring in the stereotypical Southern Quack Doctor unless you have something to hide.

  28. 28

    Can I nominate St. Ronaldus Magnus for ushering in the era of narratives over facts/reality with the “welfare queens” bit? We’ve really never recovered.

  29. 29
    Warren Terra says:

    @M31:

    Not only does Morris refer to Obama’s 329 EC victory as a ‘squeaker’ but IN THE SAME ARTICLE refers to woulda-shoulda-coulda Romney’s predicted 325 ED victory as a ‘landslide’.

    Per Anne Laurie’s late-night thread, or maybe from something it linked, Obama 2012 beat Dubya 2012 by every relevant measure: more electoral votes, more popular votes, a larger share of the popular vote. I’m guessing Morris didn’t call 2004 a squeaker, even though flipping OH would have meant President Kerry, while flipping OH would not have meant President Romney.

  30. 30
    Violet says:

    @Hunter Gathers: Sorry, the “stereotypical southern quack doctor”? I really must have been sleeping through this. I don’t know what happened. What intern? What doctor?

  31. 31
    Rob in Buffalo says:

    M31 – Wow, good catch. That is almost too perfect a summary of the wingnut wordview.

  32. 32

    The Obama stole the election guy is hilarious, given just how accurate his unskewed polls thing was.

    No fucking self-awareness, these people.

  33. 33

    Y’all hear the one about Linda McMahon’s unpaid campaign staffers who complained to the media? One got a condom with his check, told he’s screwed. Oh, and the check bounced.

    Republicans are truly horrible people.

  34. 34
    Schlemizel says:

    @Warren Terra:

    the conspiracy is so widespread and pervasive that the Democrats were able to achieve their perfidy with aid of legion of accomplices, each of whom stuffed the ballot box with a single vote.

    That, right there is the best description of our filthy little conspiracy I have heard. Of course, since you let the cat out of the bag Clinton will have to have you killed unless Obama gets it done first

  35. 35
    ding dong says:

    Mitt romney. Glenn beck. Franklin graham. Bill oreilly. Paul ryan. Bibi nevrenufyahoo.

  36. 36
    SatanicPanic says:

    @Violet: There’s a systematic pundit crisis. Our pundits are too dumb and we have too many of them.

  37. 37
    Schlemizel says:

    @Southern Beale:

    Well, since she was going to screw them its only responsible she use a condom!

  38. 38
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @scav: All brilliance goes to the great Tom Lehrer. I merely quoted.

  39. 39
    TooManyJens says:

    @slag:

    Reporters across the political spectrum, pundits across the political divide, believed this race was too close to call.

    Oh Lord, it’s “Even some Democrats thought Saddam had WMDs!” all over again.

  40. 40
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    @Violet:

    Speaking of polling, Dan Senor offers this insight

    That would be the same person who also said this:

    Dan Senor, a top adviser to former GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney, on Wednesday accused Republicans within the former presidential candidate’s inner circle of being fair weather fans, all too eager to throw Romney under the bus only days after his defeat.
    __
    Speaking on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” Senor called the trend “stunning,”

    Yep, Dan is just full of insights.

  41. 41
    Tractarian says:

    Post title WIN.

  42. 42
    feebog says:

    Violet:

    This Digby post sums it up nicely:

    http://digbysblog.blogspot.com.....-over.html

  43. 43
    Schlemizel says:

    @M31:
    99 paltroons letting their mouth-es run
    With a hundred and ten party hacks right behind
    There were more than a thousand dweebs
    Springing up like weeds
    There were morans of ev’ry shape and kind.

    There were super fat bottomed simps like horse spittoons
    Thundering, thundering all along the way.
    Double dull maroons and big buffoons,
    Each buffoon having it’s big, fat say!

    These were filthy mouthing cro-mag, total battery
    Thundering, thundering louder than before
    paid ho of ev’ry size
    And strumpets who’d improvise
    A full octave higher than the score!

    Took a minute to come up with this but its my hobby, bad lyrics!

    Third stanza still needs work

  44. 44
    Tokyokie says:

    The unskewed polls guy’s “proof” of election fraud, as near as I can follow it, is that because the late- reporting precincts went heavily for Obama, there must have been some hanky-panky. No matter that the late-reporting precincts were in inner-urban areas, and that those precincts have the highest population densities (thus the longest lines), as well as the fewest and crappiest voting devices (thus making them the last to report). It couldn’t have been that he’s a dumbshit who was wrong, it had to have been that the black man cheated.

  45. 45

    @Violet:

    I don’t know what happened. What intern? What doctor?

    Co-sign. What’s the story here, is there a good summary somewhere?

    ADDED: Thanks, @feebog.

  46. 46
    Tonal Crow says:

    @Rob in Buffalo:

    Also, he refers to Obama’s 51%-47%, 329-206 EV victory as a “squeaker”.

    But of course it’d be a “historic landslide” conveying a “total mandate” if Romney had won by that margin.

    “Republican” is just another way to spell “propaganda”.

  47. 47

    @slag:

    Reporters across the political spectrum, pundits across the political divide, believed this race was too close to call.

    That behavior is about maintaining access to Republicans, not because the race was actually close, Senor.

  48. 48
    priscianusjr says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Thanks for the link. I don’t know why this is not on the front burner for USA. But at least we’re getting out of Afghanistan.

  49. 49
    Hunter Gathers says:

    @Violet: An intern that Joe The Scar was schtupping fell and cracked her head in his Florida office and died from the head trauma. The ‘Southern Quack Doctor’ was the medical examiner (an odd duck, evidently) who was accused of covering something up by the locals. There’s a LOT of hearsay and rumors and what not, he had nothing to do with it, but seeing as this went on during the whole Gary Condit thing, one wonders why it didn’t get any attention. IOKIYAR.

  50. 50
    slag says:

    @TooManyJens:

    Oh Lord, it’s “Even some Democrats thought Saddam had WMDs!” all over again.

    Are you suggesting that Saddam didn’t have WMDs? Unpossible! I read it in the New York Times!

    I’m not necessarily convinced our punditocracy is innately stupid. I think its biggest problem is that it currently rewards gossip mongering above all else. However, I’m optimistically taking Nate Silver’s rise in it as a positive sign that reality/solution mongering is on the upswing. rEvolution!

  51. 51
    Full Metal Wingnut says:

    @Rob in Buffalo: 332

  52. 52
    Felonius Monk says:

    Ladies and gentlemen, mistermix, and fellow Balloon-Juicers, it gives me great pleasure today to nominate a favorite son of the great state of Assholia, a true dickhead among dickheads, a jerk whose wealth is only exceeded by his stupidity. Friends and countrymen, I give you the next DoucheNozzle of the Year —
    His Assholness Donald Trump.

  53. 53
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    So, the obvious rejoinder to Joe Scar is “so, Joe, have you killed any paid staffers or interns recently?”

  54. 54
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    Will someone PLEASE drop a house on Senor and that vile harridan he’s married to? PLEASE?

  55. 55
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Felonius Monk: Bah. Don’t give the guy such a big tent introduction. He whithers when ignored. If you want to insult trump, give the asshat award to someone else and let him know he was third runner up.

  56. 56
    danimal says:

    I’ll let the nutpickers among us find the other 97 douches.

    We know where they are. They’re in the area around Fox News Headquarters and the Speaker’s office and east, west, south and north somewhat.

  57. 57
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Schlemizel:

    One of the hallmarks of Democratic conspiracies is that they usually involve literally millions of people covertly doing something.

    Like voting.

  58. 58
    Full Metal Wingnut says:

    @Southern Beale: I would probably sympathize more if they weren’t working for Linda McMahon.

  59. 59
    Felonius Monk says:

    @SatanicPanic:

    Our pundits are too dumb and we have too many of them.

    Dumb and Plenty. Or, Dumb and Plenty Dumber.

  60. 60
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Suffern ACE:

    give the asshat award to someone else and let him know he was third runner up.

    Delicious. It will work, too.

    “Carly Simon sang that song about ME!”

  61. 61
    scav says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: no arguement there. we do but bask in the glow. Swiss-army knife of lyrics, there’s usually something that’ll fit the situation and has a pointy end to it.

  62. 62
    Felonius Monk says:

    @Suffern ACE: Thanks, LMAO!

  63. 63
    spoonman says:

    Heck of a job doing your part to help unskewed poll guy try get an extension on his 15 minutes. Once they get a taste of the money to be made from wingnut welfare they always want more.

  64. 64
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Richard:

    Obama won because millions of illegal immigrants voted for him.

    Our own fucktard troll, Taco, made this very claim about the vote in Florida on election night.

    It’s like they’re all on a script, like they all have a list of talking points from the Teaintern…

    Oh, wait…they do…

  65. 65
    GregB says:

    When it comes to douches Dick Morris is an army of one.

  66. 66
    Jay C says:

    @M31:

    Actually, as far as the latest results posted on Wikipedia, President Obama had 332 EVs to Mitt Romney’s 206
    and a percentage lead of 50.81 to 47.57 – though I can’t seem to get all the numbers to come out to 100% maths is haaard!.

    So Obama’s reelection numbers were, all-in-all, slightly better than Bush 43’s in 2004. And, thus, by Republican attitudes at the time, a landslide-with-mandate. Riiiight….

  67. 67
    Cassidy says:

    Obama had Andrew Breitbart assassinated

    This alone deserves re-election.

  68. 68
    Violet says:

    @feebog: Thanks for the link! I really didn’t know much about this.

  69. 69
    Violet says:

    @Hunter Gathers: Thanks for the summary.

  70. 70
    Schlemizel says:

    @Jay C:

    If you could be successful in getting them to admit it the next thing out of their mouth would be about how Boy Blunder worked really hard to find a compromise with Dems, particularly trying to save social security!

  71. 71
    MattF says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: OT, wrt Pakistan’s goose being cooked, see “Pakistan on the Brink”, by Ahmed Rashid, and “Pakistan: A Hard Country”, by Anatol Lieven.

  72. 72
    LanceThruster says:

    Mitt Rmoney was a Brooks Brothers riot himself, thereby causing peak wingnut to peak too soon.

  73. 73
    slag says:

    @Cassidy: And a Presidential Medal of Freedom.

  74. 74
    SatanicPanic says:

    @Cassidy: If he did it with drones then I suggest a second Nobel Peace Prize

  75. 75
    Rob in Buffalo says:

    Jay C – I think 332 (thanks for the correction, Full Metal Wingnut) EVs is more than “slightly better” than 286, especially since the latter total includes the 20 stolen Ohio EVs.

  76. 76
    IM says:

    Scarborough is quite sloppy, by the way:

    Channeling former British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan who once said that a week was like a lifetime in politics, I predicted the campaign would have many more twists and turns.

    That was Wilson, not Macmillan. Macmillan said events, dear boy, events.

    If you want use quotes, just get an intern to check it.

    Of course he may dread interns now…

  77. 77
    Jay C says:

    @Rob in Buffalo:

    Yes, sorry: the “slightly better” remark was meant to address the popular vote margin, not the EC.

  78. 78
    LanceThruster says:

    It’s all about “projection.” I heard a snippet of Rush the other day as he was going on about the “advice” from the Dems to court the vote of the segments that consistently vote Dem, and he insisted that compromise does not matter because A) if done, the Dems will shift the bar further to an unreasonable stance that the GOP cannot accede to, and B) the Dems will _always_ tell lies about the GOP as the “truth” about them would not an effective way to defeat them.

    Rush is textbook proof of the propaganda model in _Mein Kampf_. Accusing the opposition of the tactics you regularly engage goes hand in hand with the big lie technique. Additionally, tailoring your propaganda to the masses, and specifically knowing how to push their buttons, means that the varacity of your message is not even an issue because in the battle for the 50%+1 consensus, there’s not enough “smart people” to make a difference.

    Republicans “will never have the elite, smart people on our side.” ~ Rick Santorum

  79. 79
    Grumpy Code Monkey says:

    @Warren Terra:

    the Democrats were able to achieve their perfidy with aid of legion of accomplices, each of whom stuffed the ballot box with a single vote.

    Somehow we must plant this bug in the ear of some Freeper, where it gets noticed by Drudge, and cues a full-on fright-wing freakout.

    Popcorn futures will go through the roof.

  80. 80
    quannlace says:

    And let us not forget Eric Dondero, Libertarian extrodinaire, who penned that little post-election tantrum, …
    “All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. ….”

    And on and on and on…

    Think it was just after-Nov.6 bitterness? No , the stoopid continues. On his website he’s urging people to boycott all family members during the holiday season. He refuses to speak to his own brother cause he’s a Democrat. Not on Thanksgiving or Christmas.

    why do I think that they’re not that broken up about it?

  81. 81
    Cervantes says:

    @Rob in Buffalo: Obama won 332 electoral votes, not 329. Romney won 206.

    Incidentally, some bright spark from the New Republic was on MSNBC — Maddow’s show? — the other night and managed to say that Obama had won the election by sixty-some electoral votes.

  82. 82
    ed_finnerty says:

    not that it matters but I think you are creating lyrics to the wrong song.

    I assume the title of the post is a play on “99 Red Balloons”, not “76 Trombones”.

    that is all.

  83. 83

    @Bruuuuce:

    Judson Phillips! Oh yeah, the Tennessee Tea Party Nation grifter guy. First he tried to disband the Methodist Church, then he decided to hold a “for profit” Tea Party convention in Las Vegas in July, reserved 1,600+ rooms, got no takers, and then skipped out on the bill. A judge ordered him to pay the hotel $750G last August.

    The guy is a con man.

  84. 84
    rlrr says:

    @Cervantes:

    “Math is hard.”
    — The GOP, Fox “News”, talk radio, etc.

  85. 85
    kay says:

    Here’s an embarrassed local Ohio Republican trying to be heard above the national election-fraud grifters on the Right, to no avail:

    Wood County is at the center of a conspiracy theory about the presidential election.
    But there is one major flaw in the theory — the numbers posted on numerous ultra-conservative websites don’t match reality.
    However, the facts haven’t kept the conspiracy theory from gaining steam and convincing more than 62,000 people to sign a “We the People” petition demanding an election recount.
    Several right-wing websites are claiming that the number of people voting for President Barack Obama in Wood County exceeds the number of people qualified to vote here.
    “The numbers are plain wrong,” said Terry Burton, the Republican director of the Wood County Board of Elections.
    The blogs, email blasts and websites have created quite a stir — at least until people look at the numbers, Burton said.
    “It’s made a splash in a small community” of people looking for any sign of a conspiracy, he said.
    The petition states, “It has become blatantly obvious the voter fraud that was committed during the 2012 Presidential elections. In one county alone in Ohio, which was a battleground state, President Obama received 106,258 votes … but there were only 98,213 eligible voters. It’s not humanly possible to get 108 percent of the vote.”
    Though becoming widely circulated, none of those numbers have any basis in reality, Burton said.
    Wood County’s vote totals, which can be found on the board of election’s website, have Obama getting 31,596 votes in the county compared to Mitt Romney’s 28,997 votes.
    Burton said the only thing he can figure is that Wood County became the focus of such scrutiny prior to the election when it was deemed a bellwether county in a bellwether state.

  86. 86
    Craigo says:

    @Cervantes: He probably meant that Romney would have needed to gain 64 votes to win.

  87. 87
    LanceThruster says:

    @slag:

    I feel that Rance Priebus should be one of the top contenders for the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

    Considering just how easily the election of a candidate as thoroughly repulsive as the entity known as Willard Mitt Romeny might have been to engineer, we need to get down on our knees and thank glob that Rance was at the helm, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

    I feel, as you all do, the collective sigh of relief that the 47% turned out to be the actual number of people that could be counted on by the Romney campaign to cast their vote for him, whether out of sheer selfishness or abject cluelessness.

  88. 88
    Schlemizel says:

    @ed_finnerty:

    I thought that at first too but liked M31’s first stanza so much I could not resist.

    Plus my German is not really good enough to write lyrics in

  89. 89
    Carl Nyberg says:

    I want to thank the Republican Party for being so conservative.

    A less conservative organization might attempt to engage in reflection after a failed major effort.

    But learning from mistakes? Conservatives don’t do that.

    The 2014 elections are going to present some challenges, but it does not seem likely the Republicans are going to get more savvy about understanding the world.

    It will be interesting to see how GOP donors react.

    In a Citizens United world, what stops a few billionaires from creating parallel party infrastructure?

    GOP billionaires have options:

    1. Switch teams and bribe the Democrats.
    2. Keep giving money to an organization that hasn’t shown willingness to learn from mistakes & failure.
    3. Create alternative institutions that operate in parallel to the GOP institutions and plan to supplant and merge with GOP institutions later.
    4. Just be rich and go on vacation.

  90. 90
    The Red Pen says:

    Found a Freeper who wants to turn uncompetence into a for-profit think tank. No, I can’t summarize it. It has to be experienced.

    http://www.freerepublic.com/fo.....0343/posts

  91. 91
    jl says:

    @kay: Good for this Terry Burton for standing up to the loons, but if the wingnuts want to go make fools of themselves, that is fine with me.

    And, speaking of douches:

    Boehner Wants Obamacare On The Chopping Block In Debt Negotiations
    Sahil Kapur 10:27 AM EST, Wednesday November 21, 2012

    http://livewire.talkingpointsm.....ck-in-debt

  92. 92
    scav says:

    @ed_finnerty: “Math is hard”. thus feature, not bug.

  93. 93
    RSA says:

    @ed_finnerty:

    I assume the title of the post is a play on “99 Red Balloons”, not “76 Trombones”.

    That was my assumption, too, though I was thinking “99 Luftballons”.

  94. 94
    Carl Nyberg says:

    @LanceThruster:

    I feel that Rance Priebus should be one of the top contenders for the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

    I’d sign a petition to get Mr. Priebus a personal “thank you” note signed by President Obama and Senator Harry Reid.

  95. 95
    Heliopause says:

    Joe Scar’s “apology” to Nate Silver in Politico

    Couldn’t even get through the second paragraph. I realize he thinks he’s being funny, but his misunderstanding of the issue is so profound that there is no nut even to pick. It would be like trying to explain three-dimensional space to a Flatlander.

  96. 96
    Schlemizel says:

    @Carl Nyberg:

    1. Switch teams and bribe the Democrats.

    You have heard of the DLC then, right?

    3. Create alternative institutions that operate in parallel to the GOP institutions and plan to supplant and merge with GOP institutions later.

    And the teabaggers?

    4. Just be rich and go on vacation.

    One can never be rich enough as long as a worker still has a crust of bread to eat and a cardboard box to sleep in

  97. 97
    Elias says:

    The Barack OFraudo website is classic copy and paste:

    “Democrats are known for years for stuffing the ballot boxes in the city of Philadelphia, often it is the margin of victory for statewide candidates who lose state wide as Democrats but can win the election by gaining enough votes among the million registered voters, as well as other votes cast, in Philadelphia.”

    and

    “Democrats are known for years for stuffing the ballot boxes in the city of Cleveland, often it is the margin of victory for statewide candidates who lose state wide as Democrats but can win the election by gaining enough votes among the million registered voters, as well as other votes cast, in Cleveland.”

    Somebody should tell this guy about how Republican California’s 55 electoral votes would be if it weren’t for Democrats stealing the vote in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Sacramento, and surrounding burbs…

  98. 98

    @ranchandsyrup:
    Reaganism worked for so long because it was so hard to counter total bullshit in real-time, pre-internet. What were you going to do back in 1984, run to the library every time you had a political argument? So the RWers could create as much reality as they pleased, unimpeded. FOX didn’t start this, it just served as a lens to focus and intensify the bullshit.

    But now, outright lies are a bit easier to counter (the truth always has its boots on, so to speak). The Left also seems to have evolved a particular type of pundit who is good at showing bullshit for bullshit.

    I also think that many people are finally starting to develop the shock-proof bullshit detectors needed to effectively parse Republican talking points.

    Curious to see how far the GOP will take this new ‘alternative reality’ approach to politics. Because it’s only going to get worse for them.

    They’ve already started to sound like lunatics in sandwich boards on the sidewalk.

  99. 99
    Cervantes says:

    @Craigo: You’re probably right, thanks.

  100. 100
    Schlemizel says:

    @RSA:

    In addition to the fact that ’76’ has some really great words that work so easily (Bassoons! or Fat Bottomed! and Thundering louder than before!) and my difficulty rhyming in German what can you do with sludge like this:
    Von 99 Luftballons
    Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont
    Denkst du vielleicht g’rad an mich
    Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich

    Basically 99 balloons floating away and I hope you think about me while that is happening

  101. 101
    Punchy says:

    /checking police reports and morgues for Ted Nugent’s name…

  102. 102

    @Judas Escargot, Bringer of Loaves and Fish Sandwiches: Well put JE. I don’t see RW media going away from treating librul “reality” and winger conspiracy theories as equivalent. Cokie’s law.

  103. 103
    Schlemizel says:

    @Punchy:

    http://countingdownto.com/countdown/176293

    The Motor City Meathead promised us that if Obama got elected he would be dead or in jail by next November. I assume he was trying to get out the vote for Obama. Anyway, here is a helpful reminder to him.

  104. 104
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @M31: See, now THAT’s brilliant!

  105. 105
    NotMax says:

    now has conspiracy theory site explaining how Barack O’Fraudo stole the election.

    1) The site does not “explain” anything. It throws up (in all senses of the term) on the ‘net some half-baked data and a lot of trumped-up supposition with a veneer of psuedo-statistical claptrap.

    Chambers and I concluded our chat without convincing one another of our rightness. He finished by pointing out that the margins in the blacked-out states were, if you added them up, not huge: “The margin of those combined was 381,000 and change.” (The margin is slightly smaller than the population of Minneapolis.)
    __
    “I do need to put a page on the site explaining all of this,” he said.  Source

    2) It’s a money-making scam to grab the glazed eyeballs of a certain segment of the electorate and advance Chambers’ stature in the alternate-realitysphere, plain and simple.

  106. 106
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: The Tom Lehrer Brigade aka Filk Song Army declares the Intertoobz yours for the day. Where do you want ’em delivered?

  107. 107
    scav says:

    @Schlemizel: oddly enough I’ve just enough French to make “Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich” come out (somehow) as “Damn monkey cannot lead for shit.”. Bit retroactively apt, alas!

  108. 108
    jl says:

    @Schlemizel: Wow, been so many years and I can still read that, thanks.

    But I thought the songs on this thread would go more like

    99 Douche Poltroons on the wall
    99 Douche Poltroons
    Take one down and laugh all around
    98 Douche Poltroons on the wall!

    Others can type out meaner versions.

    Edit, or maybe
    99 Douche Poltroons with all the gall
    99 Douche Poltroons
    Take one down and laugh all around
    98 Douche Poltroons on the wall!

    Edit edit: never mind, that version sucks.

  109. 109
    jp7505a says:

    Stealing the 2012 election is such old news. The REAL danger to the republic and the real Murkins, is Obama is already planning for his third term. Seems there is a web site/book/whatever warning the public of the nefarious plot against America(sigh,sigh). If this is for real, please shot me

  110. 110
    Schlemizel says:

    @jl:

    Ah man, nothing like an old standard to make me tear up 8′-{D

  111. 111
    rlrr says:

    @jp7505a:

    I remember these clowns making the exact same claim about Clinton.

  112. 112
    ruemara says:

    @jl: Where’s the Ted & Helen guy who was posting a few days ago about how centrist the Republicans would get?

  113. 113
    Schlemizel says:

    @scav:

    Your French sounds a lot like my Spanish
    mucho gracias por favor
    I am the munching the grass for father

  114. 114
    jl says:

    @jp7505a: There were panicked for crazy lefties in the Bush years insisting that the FEMA camps were for us. A certain kind of person falls for these far fetched tales.

    Even Cole… at least after midnight when he can’t get to sleep.

    Looks like that way of thinking as standard operating procedure is getting really concentrated on the reactionary right. As they indulge themselves, the low info voters who have been duped, but who mostly can think things through OK when they focus their attention, will be less likely to fall for the next goofy con game.

  115. 115
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @scav:

    I always figure, between Shakespeare, Gilbert & Sullivan, and Tom Lehrer, there’s an apt phrase for almost any circumstance.

  116. 116
    Maude says:

    OT Cease Fire Gaza Israel declared at 9 p.m. I think it’s Egyptian time.

  117. 117
    Bruuuuce says:

    @Southern Beale:

    The guy is a con man.

    Which puts him squarely in the mainstream — no, the leadership — of the modern Republican Party.

  118. 118
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Maude: Yup, 1900 GMT, 2:00 pm EST.

  119. 119
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Schlemizel:
    You’ve got that verse badly mized up. It’s

    Hast du etwas Zeit für mich
    Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
    Auf 99 Luftballons
    Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont

    which of course means
    Do you have some time for me?
    Then I’ll sing a song for you
    Of 99 balloons
    On their way to the horizon

    99 Luftballons is an antiwar song, about an apocalyptic war that breaks out when greedy poliricians see profit and glory-seeking warriors see medals and promotions. Not too sure if it fits here.

  120. 120

    Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor? Looks like Mitt Romney got … wait for it … 47% of the vote!

    Irony, indeed!

  121. 121
    Jay C says:

    @kay:

    So IOW, Wood Country, OH went for President Obama by a 51.15-47.85 margin (leaving aside any third-party/write-in votes): i.e. pretty much the exact margin he won the rest of the country by! But some wingnuts are all hair-on-fire over this place? Based on numbers apparently made up out of thin air?

  122. 122
    Anoniminous says:

    @kay:

    Counting.

    How does it work?

  123. 123
    Origuy says:

    @jl: “Boehner Wants Obamacare On The Chopping Block In Debt Negotiations”
    Election? What election?

  124. 124
    Jay C says:

    @Schlemizel:

    Or as I once heard of the Mexican road sign “No Tire Basura” being translated as “Don’t bash up your tires

  125. 125
    Schlemizel says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    I catch enough of it that I knew it was an anti-war song but I was going for the cheap joke there, sorry. I think the part I put down was a bit different

    on their way to the horizon.
    If you’re maybe thinking about me right now
    then I’ll sing a song for you

    Here is a potential day brightener! The Texas SoS is quitting!
    http://www.chron.com/news/hous.....055333.php

  126. 126
    Full Metal Wingnut says:

    @Jay C: I have a handful of Republican friends who won’t speak to me, because, being people who bought into a “mandate” in 04, I feel the need to rub their inconsistency in their faces when they talk about this “squeaker.” Is our children learning? No, no they are not.

  127. 127
    ed_finnerty says:

    “99 Douche Poltroons on the wall
    99 Douche Poltroons
    Take one down and laugh all around
    98 Douche Poltroons on the wall!”

    maybe the third line should be variations on

    “take Joe Scarb down and pass him around”

    till we named all 99 of them (may have to rename it to 999 Douche Poltroons to fit them all in)

  128. 128
    Punchy says:

    @Schlemizel: No no no no. He didn’t mean 2013. He said it the spring (IIRC), so he was referring to November 2012. Why would the Motor City Dickman give the Usurper an extra year to do his damage?

  129. 129
    👽 Martin says:

    @Cervantes:

    managed to say that Obama had won the election by sixty-some electoral votes.

    What he said was if you shifted those 60-odd EVs, then Romney would have won – which is true. Remember, EVs are zero-sum. Every 1 EV you lose goes to the other guy, for a net advantage of 2 EVs to them. If Obama failed to carry CA’s 53 EVs, he would have had 279 to Romney’s 259.

    IIRC, that was his point – the GOP needs to secure 60EVs, and many of the battleground states now look like reliable blue. The battleground is smaller than it was – and getting those 60 back is going to be damn hard without major changes.

  130. 130
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Somewhat OT, because, while this is about a douche, it isn’t about a poll-denying douche.*

    One of the Faux News bimboheads (Andrea Tarantula or something) evidently thinks food stamps are a diet plan. “I should try them, I would lose a lot of weight and look fabulous!” story at http://www.media matters.org.

    *(She probably actually is a poll-denying douche, it’s just that this anecdote was about a different style of douchiness.)

  131. 131
    jp7505a says:

    @jl: yep. But it does create jobs in the book publishing industry:-)

  132. 132
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Trying linky again because FYWP:

    http://www.mediamatters.org

  133. 133
    scav says:

    Hast du etwas Zeit für mich
    Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
    Auf 99 Luftballons
    Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont

    ok, now, ley’s see . . .

    Have you ewoks time for Mitt?
    Damn monkey is a lying dick
    Ouch! 99 Luntz balloons
    Are veering into whoring cant . .

  134. 134
    MattF says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Sounds like a version of the “lucky ducky” meme– those people get to be on a diet all the time.

  135. 135
    Schlemizel says:

    @Punchy:

    4/17/12) The musician went on to say: ”If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

    So we are both wrong, me for giving him til November. Gonna have to fix that

  136. 136
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    IMO Dick “Dick” Morris needs a refresher course in math. Someone should volunteer to provide him with an object lesson in convergent series:

    Take a tire iron & beat him to within an inch of his life.

    Toss a bucket of water in his face to bring him back to consciousness, & then beat him within a half-inch of his life.

    Repeat, and beat him within a quarter-inch of his life.

    Lather, rinse, repeat. (And, pace Zeno, this would take an infinite length of time to converge…:D)

  137. 137
    Amir Khalid says:

    @scav:
    That’s very good! And perfectly apt, too.

  138. 138
    Maude says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    118, I don’t know the times. I have a hard time with my watch.
    Thanks.
    Egypt was the broker.
    Obama called Bibi and repeated US support for Israel. Okay, the left will get upset in 5, 4, 3, 2…

  139. 139
    Llelldorin says:

    @Judas Escargot, Bringer of Loaves and Fish Sandwiches:

    This is spot on. We had honed outrage to a fine point to fight McCarthy and his ilk, and it took us years to switch over to the biting sarcasm that works much better against the BS that sits beneath modern conservatism. We’re just about there now (Obama’s “horses and bayonets” quip was a masterpiece).

  140. 140
    Schlemizel says:

    @Schlemizel:

    Fixed to reflect the correct statement

    http://countingdownto.com/countdown/176293

  141. 141
    sharl says:

    @libarbarian: The flow and content of your comment got me wondering if mirror-universe Donovan could have set your concept to song, as kind of a mirror-universe Atlantis.

  142. 142
    catclub says:

    @scav:
    all the world seems in tune
    on a spring afternoon,
    when you’re poisoning pigeons in the park.

    Pigeons, rubes, breitbarts, whatever.

  143. 143
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    With respect to all of these douches, I shall quote Oliver Cromwell: Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go.

  144. 144
    Schlemizel says:

    @catclub:

    For the rubes this seems to be their song to the patroons:
    I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
    But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
    You can raise welts
    Like nobody else,
    As we dance to the masochism tango.

  145. 145
    hep kitty says:

    Shorter Scarborough: MATH IS HARD

    And FU to all those libs who demanded an apology from Scarborough because I just had to read that tripe.

  146. 146
    Full Metal Wingnut says:

    @hep kitty: Never question the integrity of Morning Joke!

  147. 147
    quannlace says:

    I guess I should wait for an open thread, but this just came to mind. How are things going with the BJ pets calendar? I know someone is doing it on a volunteer basis, but it is getting near the end of the year.

  148. 148
    James Hare says:

    This is just ridiculous — somehow this guy can’t his head around two things just about anyone who follows elections already know:
    1) Urban areas take longer to count the votes and are typically the last precincts to report totals.
    2) Urban areas heavily lean Democratic.

    His entire premise is pointing out those two things (that have been true for every election in my lifetime) and screaming fraud. That is the complete extent of his argument.

  149. 149
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @jl:

    99 Pundits of FAIL on the box,
    99 Pundits of FAIL;
    If one gets canned by CNN or Fox,
    99 Pundits of FAIL on the box…

    (because they’ll just hire someone else, or promote from within, to keep Pound-iting the FAIL…)

  150. 150
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:

    Joe Scarborough, AKA Joe the Dumber.

  151. 151
    MikeJ says:

    @James Hare:

    1) Urban areas take longer to count the votes and are typically the last precincts to report totals.
    2) Urban areas heavily lean Democratic.

    3) republican governors always make sure urban areas have insufficient resources causing everything to take longer.

  152. 152
    dmbeaster says:

    @Judas Escargot, Bringer of Loaves and Fish Sandwiches:

    I also think that many people are finally starting to develop the shock-proof bullshit detectors needed to effectively parse Republican talking points.

    Oddly enough, my favorite recent example of this was the Megyn Kelly remark to Rove during his “dont call Ohio” melt-down.

    “Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better, or is this real?”

    Truly funny and funnier coming from the Fox anchor star.

  153. 153
    Ridnik Chrome says:

    @ed_finnerty: I think it should be “99 douche poltroons against the wall”.

  154. 154
    Maude says:

    @quannlace:
    I think it will come out in December. THat was the last I read. We are last minutey here.

  155. 155
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @Schlemizel:

    At Rove’s demand,
    Before you here I stand,
    Real totals in my hand….(yecch)
    And here’s what I must say:

    The vote’s complete,
    Republicans retreat,
    The stench of full defeat
    Is wafting Romney’s way.

    (ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dumtadumtadum…)

  156. 156
    👽 Martin says:

    @James Hare:

    1) Urban areas take longer to count the votes and are typically the last precincts to report totals.

    Actually, that depends entirely on the state. Some states have processes (and funding) that is specifically geared toward counting high population areas and those areas can often come in earliest – our computer ballots and electronic submission of results, for example, come in a LOT faster than the paper ballots out in rural areas. What you say is true for many states, and for all of the battleground states from what I recall. Vote suppression happens in the cities, and one consequence of vote suppression is slow counts, so you’re correct in that context.

  157. 157
    slag says:

    Here’s a whine that I just saw from Mark Halperin complaining about the “left wing Freak Show” making Rubio explain that he’s not a scientist, man. Apparently, freakers gonna freak.

  158. 158
    Maude says:

    @slag:
    Failed novelist Mark Halperin…

  159. 159
  160. 160
    Corner Store Operator says:

    @slag: Is that his equivalent to ‘right wing noise machine’ or something? The context for that quote makes me think so. That said, goes without saying Halperin can die in a fire.

  161. 161
    Schlemizel says:

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    Nicely done unc!

  162. 162
    slag says:

    @Maude: Failed human Mark Halperin…

  163. 163
    Brachiator says:

    @Schlemizel:

    I don’t know what to say to you son,
    They got 99 Douches,
    And Mitt’s still one.

  164. 164
    rlrr says:

    @tinare:

    McCain needs to realize he lost in 2008…

  165. 165
    j says:

    ABC Chicago just announced that Jesse Jr. has submitted his resignation to Boehner. Boehner’s office confirms it.

  166. 166
    Napoleon says:

    @Maude:

    You do realize the novelist is a differant person, Mark Helprin, don’t you?

    http://markhelprin.com/

  167. 167
    nemesis says:

    Through the years, Ive managed to collect the entire Nina catalogue.

  168. 168
    divF says:

    @Bulworth: I think that if enough gerrymandered swing states try to move away from the winner-take-all distribution of electoral college votes, you’ll start seeing blue state legislatures voting for the popular vote option, in which they will award their EV’s to the winner of the popular vote, provided that enough states to make up to 270 EV’s agree to do so.

  169. 169
    NotMax says:

    @SiubhanDuinne

    Pushed a nitpicky personal peccadillo button there.

    Among, not between.

    Between applies to two items/entities, among to more than two.

    /grammar police

  170. 170
    ...now I try to be amused says:

    @jl:

    Boehner Wants Obamacare On The Chopping Block In Debt Negotiations

    My first reaction to this was:

    EAT SHIT, JOHN BOEHNER.

    Is he trying to make President Obama* hulk out? ‘Cause I can’t think of anything else he can accomplish with this.

    *I will try always to call BHO not Obama, or Barack Obama, but President Obama, just to remind any butthurt wingnuts who might read my posts who won the election.

  171. 171
    Brachiator says:

    @NotMax:

    /grammar police

    Silly wabbit, the InterTubes ain’t got no grammars.

  172. 172
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Brachiator: “Has none” not “ain’t got no.”

  173. 173
    Suffern ACE says:

    @jp7505a: I believe he’s planning to finally let us know who he really is and is currently forging new birth certificate with the name Brian O’Bannon. The new version has a mustache and goatee, so who’s to say it can’t be done under the constitution.

  174. 174
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @Napoleon: I wouldn’t call Helprin a failed novelist, though it’s pretty clear that (like Updike) his real calling is in shorter forms. As for “failed human,” the brilliance of his prose is more or less cancelled out by the obscenity of his politics, which slither about 6 parsecs starboard of Bibi.

  175. 175
    Napoleon says:

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    I wasn’t calling him that, but from time to time on this blog people keep confusing HAlprin and HElprin.

  176. 176
    Brachiator says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    “Has none” not “ain’t got no.”

    Right, like the Stones singing, “I have no … satisfaction.”

    Or the Nina Simone song, “I have no.”

    Nina Simone, Ain’t Got No…I’ve Got Life

  177. 177
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Brachiator: Hey, I figured that if we were being wrong, we should be really wrong.

  178. 178
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @NotMax:

    You are right. Thanks. It’s the kind of error I almost always notice when someone else commits it.

  179. 179
    Schlemizel says:

    @Brachiator:

    Sadly, you are missing a bunch of zeros on that douche estimate!

  180. 180
    Brachiator says:

    @Schlemizel:

    Sadly, you are missing a bunch of zeros on that douche estimate!

    I was just adding another song reference.

    Barack Obama, 99 Problems

    with a nod to Jay Z

  181. 181
    Patricia Kayden says:

    On the Martin Bashir show, I just heard that Lindsay Graham sent a 5-page letter to the President with questions about Benghazi, including a “where were you for the 7 hours during the Benghazi incident?” or words to that effect.

    So now the President is a criminal who has to account for his whereabouts to the Rethugs? Wow. Just wow.

  182. 182
    Shlemizel says:

    @Brachiator:

    Understood I was making a joke of the total douche load on that side

  183. 183
    Brachiator says:

    @Shlemizel:

    Understood I was making a joke of the total douche load on that side

    Yep. Yep.

    @Patricia Kayden:

    So now the President is a criminal who has to account for his whereabouts to the Rethugs? Wow. Just wow.

    The president has not even been inaugurated, and already we’ve got the first stages of Impeachment Fever.

    It’s as though the GOP just can’t wait to jump into the dustbin of history. What a sorry end to a once great political party.

  184. 184
    Jamey says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: All will be forgiven if he and Campbell Brown have another child and name it, “Dan Senior, Junior.”

  185. 185
    Original Lee says:

    @Patricia Kayden: It’s as if they didn’t know his daily schedule is posted on the White House website. Or, as you say, as if he is a criminal suspect.

  186. 186
    Patricia Kayden says:

    @Warren Terra: But you forgot the best part: Obama’s mother was so smart that way back when she gave birth to him in Kenya, she convinced a newspaper in Hawaii to announce his birth so that he could be a US citizen and thus run for the Presidency in 2008! Whew!

  187. 187
    Brachiator says:

    @Patricia Kayden:

    But you forgot the best part: Obama’s mother was so smart that way back when she gave birth to him in Kenya, she convinced a newspaper in Hawaii to announce his birth so that he could be a US citizen and thus run for the Presidency in 2008! Whew!

    Who do you think taught Obama 11 dimensional chess?

    Just sayin’

  188. 188
    Wolfdaughter says:

    @TooManyJens:

    Reporters across the political spectrum, pundits across the political divide, believed this race was too close to call.

    Oh Lord, it’s “Even some Democrats thought Saddam had WMDs!” all over again.

    And cherry-picking quotes from Clinton speeches in the 90s which called Saddam some sort of threat.

    To the rightwing authoritarians, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Someone in a position of authority makes an unstatement of fact. That proves that the subsequent unstatements of fact are all true, especially if a wingnut is debating one of us DFHs (who are usually correct) on a blog. Because for us, it’s what you know, not who you know.

  189. 189
    bad Jim says:

    @Surreal American: Well, I got it, anyway. Of course, upon reading the post’s title, I had to play the tune and look up the lyrics, so I was primed.

    ETA:

    Jeder war ein großer Krieger/ Hielten sich für Captain Kirk

    Each one’s a great warrior, thought they were Captain Kirk

Comments are closed.