Late Night Open Thread: Very Serious Most Important Political Update

Via Paul Constant, there is a petition at “We the People”, whitehouse.gov, to Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.

As of this moment, it lacks a mere 5,678 more signatures by December to reach the 25,000 qualification point.

Its creator, I was pleased to note, is from Birmingham, Alabama.

32 replies
  1. 1
    dollared says:

    Some things make me happy for no earthly reason. This petition is one.

    I understand that with Global Warming there’s hope for expanding settlement in Greenland. Can we offer to buy it for our deportees?

  2. 2

    Funny, but yeah great, way to crapflood the whitehouse.gov petition system and turn it into a joke too.

    Speaking of crapfloods: a thawed Greenland would be a pristine wilderness. Why on earth would you flood it with wingnuts?

  3. 3
    Evan says:

    I prefer the petition to give them all a hug and a comforting bowl of soup.

  4. 4
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    This is a good idea. Will never happen, of course, but it’s still a good idea.

    I suggest we export them all to their choice of “paradises”:

    Theocrat paradises: Saudi Arabia or Iran

    Libertarian paradise: Somalia, although it’s working on the theocracy part.

  5. 5
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Evan:

    Yes, give them a bowl of soup.

    By pouring it on their heads.

  6. 6
    David Koch says:

    Gotta admire how Obama got Ambassador Jill Kelley to seduce General Betray-Us and then force him to cover up Libya.

    Obama – always playing 11-dimension chess while the others play checkers.

  7. 7
    Joey Maloney says:

    Question for the front-pagers or anyone, really: Is there any organization you’re aware of focused on getting and keeping control of state legislatures by 2020? Because I think that’s the key to restoring a modicum of sanity. The Rs only hold the House now because of gerrymandering and they were only able to do that because they seized control of so many state houses in 2010.

    We need to make sure we’re in control at the next census. My ideal would be to push through nonpartisan, algorithmically-based district drawing in as many states as possible, but I’ll settle for having the districts drawn by people who want to govern, not rule.

    Likewise we need to win Secretary of State wherever possible (or whoever controls elections in the state). 21st century Democrats have their problems, but at least we’re not outright criminals.

    And of course, Democratic majorities (or at least not-Republican-supermajorities) would have all kinds of knock-on benefits like repealing the worst excesses of the past decade, the union-busting, the all-up-in-your-uterus laws, voter id, etc., etc.

  8. 8
    👽 Martin says:

    You know, if the White House has to choose between the secession petition and this one, this would be a lot better for the economies all around – including Mexicos, where I presume our patriots would be dropped off.

  9. 9
    wasabi gasp says:

    Deportation is kind of far-fetched. Who’d believe that nonsense? Should’ve gone with chip implants.

  10. 10
    dollared says:

    @The Other Chuck: OK, that is a bit of a downside. But still, it’s time they lived according to the founder’s intentions. So, give each one a donkey, a muzzleloader, two horns of powder, two pounds of lead, and complete buckskin outfit. Have at it boys!

  11. 11
    dollared says:

    @Joey Maloney: Oh, that would be the Democratic Party.

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Just kidding!

  12. 12
    piratedan says:

    sung to the melody of the old Burger King jingle… have it your way….

    hold the condoms and the borders
    those colored peoples do abhor us
    nothing upsets the whiteys
    when they can’t have it their way

    when we can’t divide and conquer
    and fix the tax code to aid our plunder
    nothing else upsets the wallsters
    when they can’t have it their way

    so remember when your votin
    about those pols, so revoltin
    never cast it for the token
    if you want it your way

    have it YOUR way GOP, have it your way!

    these policies, like the jingle are so 1974 :-)

  13. 13
    Yutsano says:

    @piratedan: Irony: Burger King is partly owned by Bain.

  14. 14
    gene108 says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Theocrat paradises: Saudi Arabia or Iran

    You do realize Saudi Arabia, Dubai and other Middle East/Persian Gulf countries do not have any taxes or at least no income taxes, as they derive money to support their governments from oil sales?

    What’s a tax hating libertarian not to love about that?

    I think you have Saudi Arabia in the wrong column.

  15. 15
    low-tech cyclist says:

    I like it – it reminds me of my devout wish that God would do the rest of us a big favor by Rapturing everyone who believes in the Rapture.

  16. 16
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Joey Maloney:

    The ACLU would be a good place to start:

    Redistricting is not something best left to the politicians and the experts. Every voter has a vital stake in redistricting because it determines the composition of districts that elect public officials at every level of government. Given the advances in modern map drawing technology, it is now possible for everyone to participate directly in the redistricting process. But to be an effective player, you need to know the rules of the game which are discussed in our manual, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Redistricting, But Were Afraid To Ask. Below are a few frequently asked questions to get you started on this very important task.

    http://www.aclu.org/voting-rights/redistricting-q

  17. 17
    Paul says:

    Why the hell these idiotic “patriots” have to drag their entire states to secede is beyond me. Last time I checked, we Americans have the freedom to renounce our citizenship and leave the country. Hell, if they hate our country so much, just leave! Nobody is stopping you.

  18. 18
    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason says:

    @Joey Maloney:

    My ideal would be to push through nonpartisan, algorithmically-based district drawing in as many states as possible,

    If you want to see extreme gerrymandering, look at Maryland. Democratic, yes, but ugly. We need to get this out of the state houses entirely, or have the courts start enforcing “contiguous boundaries” or whatever the phrase is that so many states are sidestepping.

  19. 19
    Soonergrunt says:

    I went to town all over an idiot on Facebook last night about this secession nonsense. It felt good and it needed saying and he needed to hear it. Once one person (me) went off, all the rest of his friends piled on.

  20. 20
    NonyNony says:

    @Paul:

    Why the hell these idiotic “patriots” have to drag their entire states to secede is beyond me. Last time I checked, we Americans have the freedom to renounce our citizenship and leave the country. Hell, if they hate our country so much, just leave! Nobody is stopping you.

    I believe that they would respond with a paraphrase of Michael Bolton from Office Space: “Why should I change – you’re the one who sucks!”

    But on a more serious note – liberals threaten to leave the country when their guy loses a big election because there are a whole swathe of choices of countries to move to that are perceived as both more liberal than the US and as developed as the US. Plenty of choices to

    Conservatives who threaten to leave the US either end up making themselves look ridiculous (by claiming that the country is too liberal so they’re moving to Canada, or Australia) or look REALLY ridiculous (by claiming that the country is becoming too fascist so they are going to move to Dubai or Shanghai or China). Because there is no country in the world that is as developed as they would want to live in AND as conservative as they want. So they fantasize about secession instead.

  21. 21
    TheMightyTrowel says:

    @NonyNony: stolen. facebook.

  22. 22
    El Cid says:

    What country would want them?

  23. 23
    El Cid says:

    Movie: “No Country for Dumb Men.”

  24. 24
    jak says:

    Move them into the FEMA detention camps they claim exist. Poetic justice.

  25. 25
    russell says:

    <blockquoteit lacks a mere 5,678 more signatures

    5,677 minus one.

    thank you.

  26. 26
    Paul says:

    @El Cid:

    Maybe Somalia. That’s about the only country that has the kind of government involvement and religious extremism that these people are looking for. I guess the only bad thing is that there are brown folks living there, which of course is the major reason to why these people want to secede from us in the first place.

  27. 27
    maya says:

    New movie: Rushbo uses some of his $$$ and buys up a shitpile of mothballed Liberty ships and hauls his fleet of dittohead/secessionists to Iceland where they become that Nordic extra-blonde culture’s new “Dusky Illegals” problem. The movie is called -EXODUF

  28. 28
    El Cid says:

    @Paul: I can see the coastal pirate community inviting them to come and please arrive in a big, well-stocked boat, but I can’t quite imagine the bedraggled central ‘government’ desiring a whole bunch of Confederate American refugees showing up demanding to be kept up in a manner equivalent to 10 years’ worth of income for the wealthier Somalis.

  29. 29
  30. 30
    J R in WV says:

    We need to invent a “Rapture Machine” that will send people away, by transforming them into raw energy so they can pass directly to heaven without going through the messy process of decomposing.

    Plus we get to harvest the rare elements from them, like lead and mercury in their brainz.

    Then we can use the mercury in fluorescent lamps!

    It’s just like Rapture, only without the insecure waiting and need to be ethical!

  31. 31
    joeyess says:

    there is now 20,444 that have signed.

  32. 32
    liberal says:

    @Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason:

    If you want to see extreme gerrymandering, look at Maryland. Democratic, yes, but ugly.

    Yeah, so? As a Democratic MD’er, I’m very happy that we gerrymandered the hell out of the state.

    The national gerrymander issue is a classic prisoner’s dilemma. Since Republicans always defect, Democrats should, too.

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