What Am I Missing?

Semi-related to Bernard’s post on Petraeus below, I’m wondering if y’all can explain to me how this Obama conspiracy to blackmail Petraeus to give false testimony to Congress on Benghazi is supposed to work. The theory was put forth by Charles Krauthammer yesterday and eagerly taken up by the usual suspects today. Here are the underlying suppositions:

1. The Benghazi affair is more politically consequential than Watergate, Whitewater, Iran-Contra, Chappaquiddick, the Keating Five and the Teapot Dome scandals all rolled into one, and Romney totally would have won the election if it had been covered properly.

2. President Obama must’ve ignored warnings infinitely clearer than the 8/6/01 Presidential Daily Briefing entitled “Bin Ladin Determined to Strike in US,” which was obviously not worth investigating after 3K civilians were killed on Bush the Lesser’s watch.

3. The only way Obama could cover his ass in the Benghazi affair was to orchestrate a scandal to compromise the country’s most prominent general, and he fiendishly used a wingnut FBI agent’s obsession with a seemingly flaky Tampa socialite to kick off an investigation that would lead down paths those two pawns could not foresee.

4. Obama further used Jedi mind-tricks to silence noted political opportunist Eric Cantor after Cantor was briefed on the scandal before the election, thanks to the aforementioned wingnut FBI agent.

5. Petraeus is either, A) such a dummy that he was willing to lie to Congress on 9/13 to buy a short reprieve from the announcement of the scandal, which he knows will then engulf him and destroy his career, or B) such a dupe that he will keep lying about Benghazi even after Obama has betrayed him and destroyed his career.

I don’t believe wingnut conspiracy theories since I’m not deranged, but I can usually at least follow their logic down whichever rabbit holes it leads. Not this time. Am I missing something? In what universe does any of this shit make sense? I don’t get it.

[X-posted at Rumproast]

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164 replies
  1. 1
    LittlePig says:

    In the FoxNewsiverse, of course. The one where Rmoney is President and the U.N. is trying to shut down golf courses.

  2. 2
    sharl says:

    Because, FREEDOM! And, AMERICA!
    WOLVERINES!

  3. 3
    Dave S. says:

    This makes perfect sense to a mindset that accepts every event as part of a conspiracy by shadowy (oh what a giveaway) forces.

  4. 4
    matt says:

    Turdhammer is just earning his paycheck.

  5. 5
    ding dong says:

    Because Fox news needs the eyeballs. Also they said so so there .

  6. 6
    Roger Moore says:

    I think you’re missing the part where he used his time machine to start the investigation long before the Benghazi attacks. I guess one of the dimensions in Obama’s 11 dimensional chess game is time, so that shouldn’t be a surprise. And I’m thinking that this all makes sense because the President is blah and also a Democrat.

  7. 7
    LittlePig says:

    There is a picture of FBI Agent Wingnut in the dictionary, in the entry for ‘Gang Aft Agley’.

  8. 8
    Mike Goetz says:

    Don’t even try. It’s the ravings of somebody suffering from shock. Let them work through it; only the passage of time will return them to coherence.

  9. 9
    Waynski says:

    A) It gives Congressional Rethugs temporary cover for their intransigence and constant efforts to delegitimize the Prez.
    B) For Fox News, Rush, et al, it keeps the loonies and rubes on the reservation and gives them something to hope for — Obama impeachment! For A it’s about power, for B it’s about cash. It doesn’t have to make sense as long the KoolAid is consumed.

  10. 10
    Bokonon says:

    Who needs logic when you’ve got outrage?

  11. 11
    Paula68154 says:

    GOP has a projection problem.

  12. 12
    MattF says:

    And Obama did all this fiendish plotting at the same time he was running his Presidential campaign. And I think Dr. Krauthammer should start self-prescribing something… calming…

  13. 13
    Paula68154 says:

    GOP has a projection problem.

  14. 14
    BerkeleyMom says:

    Krauthammer is an ass. As long as he is putting forth this kind of BS speculation, I don’t feel so bad in passing on an old story about him. A good friend of mine was in intern in the Carter White House when Krauthammer was working for the president as well. Ever the gentleman, Charles offered my friend a ride home after a late night of work (he had a vehicle adapted for a wheelchair driver). Partway home, Krauthammer pulled over and lunged at my friend, trying to kiss her. When my grossed out friend protested, he said his wife wouldn’t mind. My horrified friend demanded to be taken home or she’d get out of the car. I cannot look at the sanctimonious prick without thinking of him jumping a 20 year old, 5 foot tall intern. Yuck.

  15. 15
    cmorenc says:

    Charles Krauthammer is the ultimate inside-beltway pundit whose polticial eyesight would be too blurry to see anything without coke-bottle political-ideological eyeglasses. Even the most famously wrong-way beltway wingnut pundit, Bill Kristol, manages to get an objective clue now and then. But not Krauthammer, whose view of this past election utterly fails to convince him there’s anything wrong with the Republican Party platform and message, except that (duh!) they need to be less obviously insulting to Latinos.

  16. 16
    hep kitty says:

    Sounds like everybody is overthinking this. Here’s how it went down:
    1. Obama, as the devil’s apprentice, is naturally a master of the black arts (no pun intended);

    2. Consequently, he was able to predict the Benghazi attack which he would so relish watching, cackling with delight over the carnage as it went down on the livestream.

    3. Obama had both the time, motive, and special dark powers to force Petraeus, against his will, to put his pee pee in Broadwell’s hooha, a year before the attack was to take place.

  17. 17
    Yutsano says:

    @LittlePig: Is the picture shirtless? These things matter you know…

  18. 18

    You are missing the core of conspiracy theory – the inability to grasp the idea of coincidence. If nothing is coincidental, then the more elaborate the theory is that finds tiny clues to tie in seemingly (and actually) unrelated issues, the more plausible that theory becomes.

    Also, these people want a conspiracy really bad to blame Obama for, so they’re forcing themselves into this mindset.

  19. 19
    Ann Rynd says:

    And how hard was it for Obama to convince the FBI agent to go shirtless just to make it all seem so much more plausible?

  20. 20

    You missed the part where we knew the attack was coming, but failed to react because we were too busy appeasing Muslim radicals and apologizing for the film and American policy.

    Also too, that Obama watched the attack taking place in real time (presumably cackling the whole while) and called off armed aircraft that were in position to intervene.

    And finally, that Obama was deliberately trying to suppress evidence that this was a terrorist attack, even though he refered to it as a act of terror the very next day.

    Oh yeah, and Susan Rice… something something something. Burn the witch!

  21. 21
    Richard says:

    It all makes sense once you realize that Obama is a Muslim from Kenya who wants to turn the US into a communist country using abortion.

  22. 22
    Ash Can says:

    It never has to make any sense if it supports their anti-Obama/Dem/liberal sentiments. Those emotions rule everything; the only empirical evidence that truly exists is that which harmonizes with them.

  23. 23
    hep kitty says:

    @BerkeleyMom: Eeeeeewwwww! Somehow I have a feeling this was not an isolated event? Poor girl. Nobody should have to dodge Krauthammer lips. ((shudder))

    (Oh no, now I have a mental image of Krauthammer’s puckering, slobbering lips, barf)

  24. 24
    dmsilev says:

    @Roger Moore: Remember, this is the man who placed fake newspaper notices of his own “birth”. His Time Lord nature is well established.

  25. 25
    japa21 says:

    Actually, this all preliminary to discount whatever Petraeus might testify to if it doesn’t fit in with their theories. Obviously he is lying because the WH is blackmailing him about things which are already totally public. Therefore…you are right, there is no logical sequencing that can be followed here.

  26. 26
    MattF says:

    Can I ask a serious question? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

  27. 27
    quannlace says:

    WOLVERINES!

    Gaaah, just saw the promo’s for the remake of ‘Hey, Kids, lets put on a war!”

  28. 28
    TenguPhule says:

    Hark ye! THe Wingularity is Nigh! I can see the Peak Wingnut Horizon from my house!

  29. 29
    Birthmarker says:

    Impeachment?

  30. 30
    Ash Can says:

    BTW, and OT (maybe), the prez is holding his first post-election news conference today. I wonder if he’ll make any of the newsies cry.

  31. 31
    blingee says:

    Jesus titty fucking christ on a stick. Are you bloggers so desperate for something to write about that you are going to peddle this Faux Noise conspiracy bullshit?

    Yea I know you are doing your typical point and laugh ha ha schtick but you are still talking about it and talking about is all they want you to do. How about just talking about how irrelevant Faux Noise is. One article…then move the fuck on to something that matters. Like getting back the house in 2014. Yea, it really is time to start talking about that. The other side isn’t backing off or giving it a rest.

  32. 32

    I think you missed the part of the conspiracy where Obama personally tipped off Al-Qaeda to the location of the ambassador, laughed evilly as the security services called for help, then hypnotized Mitt Romney into making a stupid statement before Obama then retreated to his island volcano layer where he did lines off of a male hooker.

  33. 33
    sab says:

    @Birthmarker: Yep. This Benghazi stuff is just stage one of the impeachment of Obama. Senator Huck Graham of SC is already on board.

  34. 34
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Bernard Finel: Speaking of Susan Rice, I hope the president does nominate her to replace SoS Clinton when she leaves to start her own DYI home improvement show. The wingnut squeals will be deafening, and the hypocrisy of the Condi Rice-fluffing, Iraq WMD-believing poltroons in Congress criticizing Rice for giving an account of what was then conjectured about how the Benghazi thing when down on MTP will be something to behold…

  35. 35
    Lolis says:

    McCain has vowed to stop Susan Rice however he can in the senate, clearly implying filibuster. Political Wire has the story. He is such a fucking sore loser. Reid better get Dems in line for filibuster reform.

  36. 36
    BlueNC says:

    I have family members obsessed with this one. Most of our conversations go something like this:

    Me: “What sort of vegetables should we have at Thanksgiving?”
    Them: “Maybe Brussel sprouts? But Benghazi!!”

    Me: “How many of us are will there be at Thanksgiving?”
    Them: “BEN-GHA-ZI! BEN-GHA-ZI!”

    It is bizarre.

  37. 37

    That Time Machine on Mars must be in serious need of maintenance by now.

  38. 38

    @TenguPhule: No such thing.

    Even if the wingularity exists and you pass through it, you’ll simply enter an alternate universe where Rush Limbaugh is a serious philosophical voice and Ann Coulter is considered sexy.

  39. 39
    PeakVT says:

    What Am I Missing?

    A loose screw. If you wish to actually have a loose screw, you need to watch 8 hours of Faux each day and up your intake of Cheetos or some other orange-dyed snack food.

  40. 40
    quannlace says:

    And I think Dr. Krauthammer should start self-prescribing something… calming…

    Isn’t Krauthammer the guy who bitched that the DNC should have known months before what the weather was going to be like during their convention?

  41. 41
    Elizabelle says:

    @blingee:

    Agree with Blingee at comment 31.

    Newsbusters and the odious Krauthammer are getting too much discussion.

    Pointing and laughing distracts from doing more important things, like contacting the Senate about filibuster reform.

  42. 42
    cmorenc says:

    @Bernard Finel:

    Oh yeah, and Susan Rice… something something something. Burn the witch!

    One point we have to grudgingly admit is that Susan Rice’s performance on weekend talkies immediately after the Benghazi incident was NOT a wise or smart tack to take: coming out so strongly on seeming to pronounce the attack as developing from a spontaneous demonstration, rather than a premeditated, organized assault. Given the already-known assortment of weapons that the attackers had on hand and used, it was already obvious that at the very least, a well-organized cell had done advance preparation for a potential assault on the American consulate, and they had seized the opportunity of a spontaneous demonstration to quickly hijack the moment to launch their prepared attack.

    As a seasoned foreign policy hand, Susan Rice should have known better than to take the public tack she did so soon after the incident.

  43. 43
    catclub says:

    Why could it not be all to protect Holder from investigations of Solyndra and Fast and Furious? _THOSE_ investigations were just about to bear fruit that would sink the Obama admin.

  44. 44
    Hill Dweller says:

    @Lolis: Every time McCain has popped off, the President has smacked him down. I look forward to it happening again.

    Rice did nothing but repeat what she was told during her CIA briefing. The wingnuts have nothin’.

  45. 45
    Yutsano says:

    @Betty Cracker: I am NOT cleaning up the mess this time. There is still goo on my walls from wingnut brains going asplodey over THAT ONE’S re-election.

  46. 46
    Roger Moore says:

    @MattF:

    What the fuck is wrong with these people?

    They’re a bunch of racist, sexist fuckwads who are stuck in the 1950s and aren’t willing to admit that the country has changed since then and are freaking out because reality isn’t letting them live in their delusions anymore.

  47. 47
    cmorenc says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    The wingnut squeals will be deafening, and the hypocrisy of the Condi Rice-fluffing, Iraq WMD-believing poltroons in Congress criticizing Rice for giving an account of what was then conjectured about how the Benghazi thing when down on MTP will be something to behold…

    Unfortunately, Susan Rice’s performance on MTP you refer to was an astonishingly stupid performance for a seasoned diplomat, when it was apparent to any thinking person that the attack was anything but the result of a spontaneous demonstration. In addition to being inevitably proven wrong, she needlessly gave fuel to the wingnuts to come after her and the Administration for the sort of incident the Bush Administration would have certainly been caught equally surprised and inadequately prepared.

  48. 48
    Yutsano says:

    @Betty Cracker: I am NOT cleaning up the mess this time. There is still goo on my walls from wingnut brains going asplodey over THAT ONE’S re-election.

  49. 49
    Roger Moore says:

    @MattF:

    What the fuck is wrong with these people?

    They’re a bunch of racist, sexist fuckwads who are stuck in the 1950s and aren’t willing to admit that the country has changed since then and are freaking out because reality isn’t letting them live in their delusions anymore.

  50. 50
    cmorenc says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    The wingnut squeals will be deafening, and the hypocrisy of the Condi Rice-fluffing, Iraq WMD-believing poltroons in Congress criticizing Rice for giving an account of what was then conjectured about how the Benghazi thing when down on MTP will be something to behold…

    Unfortunately, Susan Rice’s performance on MTP you refer to was an astonishingly stupid performance for a seasoned diplomat, when it was apparent to any thinking person that the attack was anything but the result of a spontaneous demonstration. In addition to being inevitably proven wrong, she needlessly gave fuel to the wingnuts to come after her and the Administration for the sort of incident the Bush Administration would have certainly been caught equally surprised and inadequately prepared.

  51. 51
    Hill Dweller says:

    @cmorenc: Rice was repeating what she was told in her CIA briefing. Maybe she should have been more skeptical, but she repeatedly said that was based on info they had at the time.

  52. 52
    cmorenc says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    The wingnut squeals will be deafening, and the hypocrisy of the Condi Rice-fluffing, Iraq WMD-believing poltroons in Congress criticizing Rice for giving an account of what was then conjectured about how the Benghazi thing when down on MTP will be something to behold…

    Unfortunately, Susan Rice’s performance on MTP you refer to was an astonishingly stupid performance for a seasoned diplomat, when it was apparent to any thinking person that the attack was anything but the result of a spontaneous demonstration. In addition to being inevitably proven wrong, she needlessly gave fuel to the wingnuts to come after her and the Administration for the sort of incident for which the Bush Administration would have certainly been caught equally surprised and inadequately prepared.

  53. 53
    John Weiss says:

    Charles Krauthammer is a nut. Why listen to a nut?

  54. 54
    Poopyman says:

    @hep kitty:

    (Oh no, now I have a mental image of Krauthammer’s puckering, slobbering lips, barf)

    Wait. He has lips?

  55. 55
    Bulworth says:

    If only faithful conservative American patriots had a cable teevee news station or a ubiquitous, country-wide network of radio talk shows that could have covered this elaborate conspiracy.

  56. 56
    John Weiss says:

    Charles Krauthammer is a nut. Why listen to a nut?

  57. 57
    trollhattan says:

    Wingnuts have all been issued their Benghazi talking and by gawd, they’re going to use them. Mentioned yesterday in a dead thread that Friday’s Maher had SippyCupp who, after mostly behaving herself managed to become LOUD AND SCREECHY and the end when Benghazi came up. (Can’t recall if she, herself is the one who brought it up.) The hive mind doesn’t seem to have much else to cling to after the election, and they’re working Extra Special Hard to tie every possible thing to it.

    As Betty notes, it’s the Most Important Thing To Ever Happen and We Mean It!

  58. 58
    Aries Moon says:

    Seems to me that Krauthammer is conveniently ignoring the fact that Cantor’s knowledge of the affair (who did he tell?), and subsequent call to the FBI director, is probably what sent Patraeus’s tenuous job situation past its tipping point.

  59. 59
    John Weiss says:

    Charles Krauthammer is a nut. Why listen to a nut?

  60. 60
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    As I’ve said in the past, Krauthammer needs to be taken out to the middle of the Mass Pike as it runs through Boston at rush hour, dumped out of his wheelchair, and told to fend for himself.

    He’s one of the most utterly worthless of our fascist pundits.

  61. 61
    Yutsano says:

    FYWP. No really.

  62. 62
    Suffern ACE says:

    Perhaps Bengazi was Petraeus’ way to get back at Obama for investigating him.

  63. 63
    Zifnab25 says:

    @cmorenc: But that’s where the “scandal” pretty much begins and ends. Ranking government official flubs messaging.

    From that spindle of thread, we’re on to Obama Impeachment for tricking the CIA director into sexytiming his biographer while being illegally wiretapped by a rogue FBI agent.

    I look forward to the GOP spending the next six months screaming about this like they screamed about Fast and Furious. It’s a political non-winner, so niche as to be totally irrelevant to the average voter. Perhaps they can spend their time endlessly subpoenaing Rice’s credit card statements and IM chat logs. That will likely be punishment enough for the poor woman.

  64. 64
    Aries Moon says:

    Seems to me that Krauthammer is conveniently ignoring the fact that Cantor’s knowledge of the affair (who did he tell?), and subsequent call to the FBI director, is probably what sent Patraeus’s tenuous job situation past its tipping point.

  65. 65
    trollhattan says:

    Wingnuts have all been issued their Benghazi talking and by gawd, they’re going to use them. Mentioned yesterday in a dead thread that Friday’s Maher had SippyCupp who, after mostly behaving herself managed to become LOUD AND SCREECHY and the end when Benghazi came up. (Can’t recall if she, herself is the one who brought it up.) The hive mind doesn’t seem to have much else to cling to after the election, and they’re working Extra Special Hard to tie every possible thing to it.

    As Betty notes, it’s the Most Important Thing To Ever Happen and We Mean It!

  66. 66
    John Weiss says:

    Charles Krauthammer is a nut. Why listen to a nut?

  67. 67
    GregB says:

    Wait till it is found out that the attack in Benghazi was perpetrated by Kenyans working for Solyndra using fast and furious American guns taken from Mexican drug cartles.

  68. 68
    Yutsano says:

    FYWP. No really.

  69. 69
    MomSense says:

    @cmorenc
    If you read the briefing Rice was provided by the CIA, she stuck to it closely.

    Why did the CIA get the intelligence so wrong? Did the CIA knowingly mislead Rice and the Obama administration?

    Given Petraeus’ history of being less than accurate in his reporting on security situations-I am siding with Rice on this one.

  70. 70
    Aries Moon says:

    Seems to me that Krauthammer is conveniently ignoring the fact that Cantor’s knowledge of the affair (who did he tell?), and subsequent call to the FBI director, is probably what sent Patraeus’s tenuous job situation past its tipping point.

  71. 71
    John Weiss says:

    Charles Krauthammer is a nut. Why listen to a nut?

  72. 72
    GregB says:

    Wait till it is found out that the attack in Benghazi was perpetrated by Kenyans working for Solyndra using fast and furious American guns taken from Mexican drug cartles.

  73. 73
    Yutsano says:

    FYWP. No really.

  74. 74
    MomSense says:

    @cmorenc
    If you read the briefing Rice was provided by the CIA, she stuck to it closely.

    Why did the CIA get the intelligence so wrong? Did the CIA knowingly mislead Rice and the Obama administration?

    Given Petraeus’ history of being less than accurate in his reporting on security situations-I am siding with Rice on this one.

  75. 75
    trollhattan says:

    @trollhattan:
    [Uh, “talking points”] and FYWP for snatching away my edit button.

  76. 76
    John Weiss says:

    Charles Krauthammer is a nut. Why listen to a nut?

  77. 77
    Yutsano says:

    FYWP. No really.

  78. 78
    japa21 says:

    @cmorenc: Actually, as it has turned out, the attack was quite possibly a spontaneous respone to the film and this particular group, having a regular arsenal, used the demonstrations that were taking place as a cover for their attack. So it was, in actuality, a mixture of both a terrorist attack, although planned only a couple hours before, and a response to the film.
    It is highly doubtful that the attack would have occured if the film had not existed.

  79. 79
    demit says:

    @Elizabelle: God forbid people should take any time out from anything to laugh. I mean, everybody knows how bad laughing is for your health.

  80. 80
    PeakVT says:

    I’ve heard and read the list of who is participating in Obamacare by creating health care exchanges, but this map nonetheless shocked me a bit. I guess at some level it will never cease to amaze me how much the Christianist South really hates its poor people.

  81. 81
    SatanicPanic says:

    Because conspiracists don’t need facts to be coherent or even not opposed to each other. They know something is wrong, therefore any bad thing that can be attributed to the bad actor in the conspiracy can be true.

    Also, finding out why things are bad in the world requires both figuring who was responsible for the things that didn’t happen by chance and accepting those that did happen by chance (and what that means- the world’s not fair). Both of these are very difficult so people take the easy way.

  82. 82
    Mandalay says:

    @Elizabelle:

    Agree with Blingee at comment 31.

    Me too.

  83. 83
    trollhattan says:

    @trollhattan:
    That should read “talking points” and 2x on Yutsano’s FYWP-FYWP.

  84. 84
    PeakVT says:

    I’ve heard and read the list of who is participating in Obamacare by creating health care exchanges, but this map nonetheless shocked me a bit. I guess at some level it will never cease to amaze me how much the Christianist South really hates its poor people.

  85. 85
    PreservedKillick says:

    It would appear to me that the “We’re actually sane” period of the Republican’s post-election soul-searching has come to a close. Soon to follow, the end of the “We like women” and “The coloreds are people too” phases.

    Excellent news for John McCain.

  86. 86
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    IMPEACH!

  87. 87
    Mnemosyne says:

    @BerkeleyMom:

    I would make a joke about the hand controls on Krauthammer’s car not functioning correctly, but I’m not sure enough people here would get it.

    @Betty Cracker:

    Speaking of Susan Rice, I hope the president does nominate her to replace SoS Clinton when she leaves to start her own DYI home improvement show.

    True story — I once won an online design contest for designing a new living room for Mrs. Clinton’s post-White House home in New York on a now-defunct website. Won myself a gift card that I used to buy a cute four-poster bed.

  88. 88
    PeakVT says:

    I’ve heard and read the list of who is participating in Obamacare Medicare expansion, but this map nonetheless shocked me a bit. I guess at some level it will never cease to amaze me how much the Christianist South really hates its poor people.

  89. 89
    muddy says:

    @cmorenc: I wondered at the time if they were holding back on the Sunday shows as part of the ongoing investigation, possible apprehension of terrorists etc. I don’t remember when it used to be standard for the WH/CIA to spill their details on tv in real time. Jeezum, on the cop shows on tv they always like to hold things back from the press, details that they don’t want the public knowing. So that’s great for tv drama, but when it is national security we must have 100% realtime transparency?

    I had read already about the 2nd group with the mortars etc by the time she made those statements, and thought it was odd that she would be so definite, and not say that the investigation was ongoing. Then I thought maybe it was *meant* for tv, if the terrorists thought it was going to fly based on “a video”, they might not be as careful about themselves afterwords. It’s just mostly odd to me that she kept with the story when other details were already publicly available.

  90. 90
    PeakVT says:

    I’ve heard and read the list of who is participating in Obamacare Medicare expansion, but this map nonetheless shocked me a bit. I guess at some level it will never cease to amaze me how much the Christianist South really hates its poor people.

  91. 91
    Yutsano says:

    @trollhattan: WP is definitely in one of its moods. Will someone please give Tunch some tuna so he’ll stop fucking with us?

  92. 92
    Mnemosyne says:

    @BerkeleyMom:

    I would make a joke about the hand controls on Krauthammer’s car not functioning correctly, but I’m not sure enough people here would get it.

    @Betty Cracker:

    Speaking of Susan Rice, I hope the president does nominate her to replace SoS Clinton when she leaves to start her own DYI home improvement show.

    True story — I once won an online design contest for designing a new living room for Mrs. Clinton’s post-White House home in New York on a now-defunct website. Won myself a gift card that I used to buy a cute four-poster bed.

  93. 93
    PreservedKillick says:

    Are the republicans seriously this stupid? Even if there was something there, which there isn’t, this is a political non-starter.

    Of course, they’ll read my message as a liberal attempt to divert them from the scent, to which I say: “Onward!”

  94. 94
    Yutsano says:

    @trollhattan: WP is definitely in one of its moods. Will someone please give Tunch some tuna so he’ll stop fucking with us?

  95. 95
    Tonybrown74 says:

    @trollhattan:

    S.E. Cupp has to be one of the DUMBEST people to ever appear on television.

    And that is saying a whole lot because there are so many. She just sounds stupid.

    It wouldn’t even surprise me if it were to come out that those glasses she wears aren’t even prescription; worn only to make her look smart.

  96. 96
    trollhattan says:

    I think the server needs Roto-Rooter. Also, too, is Krauthammer not the modern embodiment of Dr. Strangelove? They guy always looks like he’s in the middle of the World’s Most Difficult Dump.

  97. 97
    Surreal American says:

    I still amazed that Obama managed to somehow stick Petraeus’ little soldier in Broadwell’s lady parts.

  98. 98
    giltay says:

    a) The president is black.

    b) The president is a Democrat.

    c) The president is in a position to get major things done this term that don’t just involve making rich folk richer.

    d) The president is black.

  99. 99
    Surreal American says:

    I’m still amazed that Obama managed to somehow stick Petraeus’ little soldier in Broadwell’s lady parts.

  100. 100
    PeakVT says:

    @PeakVT and @PeakVT and @PeakVT and @PeakVT: I meant medicaid expansion. Thanks, FYWP, for allowing me to get that wrong four times.

  101. 101
    The Golux says:

    @blingee:

    …move the fuck on to something that matters. Like getting back the house in 2014.

    This. How do we convince the Obama campaign organization to pivot to this, and apply their awesome ground game to the only thing that matters? Perhaps they could infiltrate the Tea Party and encourage them to primary Republican incumbents, replacing them with unelectable halfwits.

  102. 102
    Paul says:

    I am assuming during the Benghazi hearings that the GOP will call witnesses to verify the horrendous impact after the GOP cut security at U.S. embassies:

    Republicans have sought to cut hundreds of millions of dollars slated for security at U.S. embassies and consulates since gaining control of the House in 2011. Democrats are scrutinizing the GOP proposals in the wake of attacks on U.S. embassies and consulates in the Middle East, one of which saw Ambassador to Libya Christopher Stevens and three other Americans murdered. “This is a disturbing example of the Republicans’ meat-ax approach to cutting every aspect of the government, no matter how essential,” said Senate Democratic Policy Committee Chairman Charles Schumer (N.Y.) in a statement to The Hill.
    http://thehill.com/homenews/ho.....s-scrutiny

    These folks really have no shame, do they…

  103. 103
    Democrat Partisan Asshole says:

    Somebody go buy some new hamsters, the site is fucked.

  104. 104
    GregB says:

    I think this scandal needs to be dubbed Obama is Worse Than Hitler-Gate

  105. 105
    Roger Moore says:

    @Yutsano:

    FYWP. No really.

    You can say that again. Oh, wait; FYWP already did it for you!

  106. 106
    Bokonon says:

    The great thing about conspiracy theories is that they don’t have to be logical. You can just throw a bunch of facts and fictions together in a hat, mix them up, and … alakazam! Presto! Benghazi!

    I mean … think about it.

    NancyPelosiandislamicterroristvoterfraudBenghaziEricHolderKenyananticocialistblackhelicopterBenghazibetrayalNewBlackPantherChicagothuggeryACLUcoverupliestaxincreaseassaultrifleFastandFuriousnotvettedlamestreammediaSarahPalinrealityshowcancellation means TREASON!

    Wake up, America!

  107. 107
    cmorenc says:

    @japa21:

    Actually, as it has turned out, the attack was quite possibly a spontaneous respone to the film and this particular group, having a regular arsenal, used the demonstrations that were taking place as a cover for their attack. So it was, in actuality, a mixture of both a terrorist attack, although planned only a couple hours before, and a response to the film.

    …and that would have been a FAR more sensible line of explanation for Rice to have taken, since it doesn’t necessarily contradict the CIA’s assertion that the demonstration itself was (at least initially) spontaneous, yet would allow for the substantial possibility the moment was hijacked by a group which had already been making preparations for an assault at some unspecified moment when a suitable opportunity arose.

  108. 108
    Roger Moore says:

    @Yutsano:

    Will someone please give Tunch some tuna so he’ll stop fucking with us eating the hamsters?

    FTFY.

  109. 109
    Yutsano says:

    @The Golux:

    Perhaps they could infiltrate the Tea Party and encourage them to primary Republican incumbents, replacing them with unelectable halfwits.

    The teatards have a tendency of doing this on their own. Unfortunately some of those halfwits still manage to get elected. To wit: Michele Bachmann.

  110. 110
    Paul says:

    @PeakVT:

    I’ve heard and read the list of who is participating in Obamacare by creating health care exchanges, but this map nonetheless shocked me a bit. I guess at some level it will never cease to amaze me how much the Christianist South really hates its poor people.

    Or hate themselves. Republicans in the south would never keep getting elected without the support of people who would lose financially by voting for said Republicans. I have seen enough interviews on TV with lower middle class southern whites who are beside themselves in their hatred for the black guy in the White House.

  111. 111
    👽 Martin says:

    I don’t believe wingnut conspiracy theories since I’m not deranged, but I can usually at least follow their logic down whichever rabbit holes it leads. Not this time. Am I missing something? In what universe does any of this shit make sense? I don’t get it.

    The squid-cloud of butthurt obscures all logic.

  112. 112

    What are you missing? Well, I imagine sometime around next year we’ll see a Krauthammer-authored book titled something like: Hopeless: The Truth About Obama & Benghazi, actually ghost-written by Jeff Gannon, but the GOP is supposed to pretend they don’t know him anymore, and available exclusively at WND (free with a trial subscription!)! Then he’ll do a round or two on the Wingnut Wurlitzer, and because Krauthammer is “serious” he will of course make a de rigeur appearance on this or that Sunday lap dance, etc. All in time for the media to begin preparing for the big midterm election boondoggle.

    I mean, I dunno. Could happen.

  113. 113
    👽 Martin says:

    @trollhattan:

    Also, too, is Krauthammer not the modern embodiment of Dr. Strangelove? They guy always looks like he’s in the middle of the World’s Most Difficult Dump.

    Not everyone paralyzed and in a wheelchair is an evil madman, if that’s what you mean.

    (Does not exclude the possibility that Krauthammer is in fact an evil madman)

  114. 114
    Mouse Tolliver says:

    I could explain it to you, but it involves River Song and events that haven’t happened yet. Spoilers!

  115. 115
    Hill Dweller says:

    Andrea Mitchell and Tom Brokaw are teaming up on MSNBC to make this one of the stupidest lead-ins to a Presidential press conference I’ve ever seen.

    Why is Brokaw so revered?

    Now they bring on Cillizza.

    Where is the Drano?

  116. 116
    muddy says:

    @Martin:

    The squid-cloud of butthurt obscures all logic.

    This is so delightfully apt, thank you.

  117. 117
    Signifyingmnky says:

    So President Obama is a Sith Lord…makes perfect sense. Don’t know how I missed it.

    How do these people summon the mental faculties to tie their damn shoes in the morning?

  118. 118
    gnomedad says:

    @dmsilev:

    His Time Lord nature is well established.

    He’s the love child of the Prophet and Amy Pond!

  119. 119
    catclub says:

    @Bokonon: you missed Solyndra

  120. 120

    Please recall that in the very same base Krauthammer is appealing to is a core group that believes the 6000 year old Earth was created one thousand years AFTER the Sumerians invented ink. These are also the same people who believed all the way up until about 2245 ET that Romney was going to win. Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. Evolution. Climate change.

    It just has to be true. Period.

    Or maybe it’s the Underpants Gnomes of Foreigh Policy!

    ETA: Or quite simply, nothing to be understood, only believed.

  121. 121
    muddy says:

    @PeakVT:

    I’ve heard and read the list of who is participating in Obamacare by creating health care exchanges, but this map nonetheless shocked me a bit. I guess at some level it will never cease to amaze me how much the Christianist South really hates its poor people.

    It seems so uncivilized viewed from the glorious soocialist republic of Vermont I have to say.

  122. 122
    hep kitty says:

    @Poopyman: Apparently, they come out of hiding in the presence of nubile young females. Urp.

  123. 123
    catclub says:

    @PeakVT: 1)Medicaid, not Medicare.

    2) They say that now, but I suspect large amounts of money will appeal to hospitals and doctors, and they will become more flexible.

  124. 124
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Hill Dweller: I know. Sadly, you have to watch these things yourself. Either you wade through the MSM shit to watch the presser, our you drown in their shitty analysis afterwards and will therefore not know at all what was said. Shitty options both.

  125. 125
    muddy says:

    @The Ancient Randonneur:

    It just has to be true. Period.

    It’s a religion to them, all received wisdom, taken on faith.

  126. 126
    Ruckus says:

    @Mike Goetz:
    The average lifespan of a human is what 70-90 years? Most conservatives have already done that or a large portion of that. How can they gain that much cognitive thought in such a little time?
    Most of them are going to take this to their graves unless it affects them directly, and probably not even then.

  127. 127
    Niques says:

    @MattF: I think they confuse religion with politics. They believe in the GOP. They, and they alone, are on the side of good . . . therefore Obama and all Democrats/Liberals must be spawns of Satan. And, of course, when Satan is involved, no conspiracy theory is too far fetched. Also, magic.

    When it comes to religion, many believe in small “d” democratic rule . . . their church leaders must tell them what the majority want to hear, or those leaders are abandoned. Truth or facts be damned. Or Scripture.

    It’s sad, really.

  128. 128
    JPL says:

    @GregB: That is so deep you should send it to all your friends and relatives. Once it reaches the tea party mail, your mission will be accomplished.

  129. 129
    AA+ Bonds says:

    Simple answer: Charles Krauthammer is a fraud who thinks lying is moral in pursuit of political ends.

    He long ago figured out that more money flows to Rush Limbaugh than to George Will. He correspondingly adjusted his lies from George-Will-level to Rush-Limbaugh-level.

    In fact, the topic of his column is usually gleaned from idiot radio the week before.

  130. 130
    johnny aquitard says:

    @Richard:

    It all makes sense once you realize that Obama is a Muslim from Kenya who wants to turn the US into a communist country using abortion.

    Using gay abortion.

    There’s a huge difference. It’s what gives him his jedi-like mind powers, the ability to summon hordes of alinskyite black panther thug organizers, plus the mastery of time, space and dimension.

    But not mastery over the teleprompter, of course.

  131. 131
    AA+ Bonds says:

    Drop a few bricks into his lap and roll that little Nazi’s wheelchair into the Potomac

    It would barely be justice given how many American soldiers and Iraqi civilians he helped murder

  132. 132
    blingee says:

    @The Golux: Apparently that is EXACTLY what the Obama administration is planning on doing. Using their existing GOTV machine to start working towards 2014. Maybe even with Jim Messina still at the helm.

    Watching MSNBC and Chuck fucking Todd now concern trolling Obama on Petraeus. Fuck you Todd!!!!!! You lost any credibility you ever had when you spewed your mittmentum bullshit. I can tell Obama is basically rolling his eyes just in the tone of his voice.

  133. 133
    Whispers says:

    Interesting argument.

    Let me retort, if I may.

    Benghazi! Benghazi! Benghazi!

    With all due respect to Joe Scarborough.

  134. 134
    trollhattan says:

    @👽 Martin:
    Why yes, in fact I watch the Paralympics specifically to mock various wheelchair events. Mwa-ha-ha!

    That said, Chuckie seems unique amongst paid teevee talking heads in exuding creepy vileness along with “thoughts,” all of which are sourced from the same half-bakery. That my local dead tree newspaper wastes op-ed space on him (alternating with Big Thinker Bowtie Boy George Frigging Will and Kathleen Goddamn Parker and [hangs head] Jenn I Heart Willard Ruben) is waaaaay too much Chuck in my diet.

  135. 135
    JGabriel says:

    Betty Cracker @ Top:

    In what universe does any of this shit make sense? I don’t get it.

    As TenguPhule notes, the Wingularity is nigh!

    More specifically, these people do not exist in our. They exist in the Wingularity, beyond the Event Horizon, from with there is no return and all communication is noisy gibberish.

    .

  136. 136
    priscianusjr says:

    Remember Whitewater? There was a scandal there, as there is here, but the part about how Bill and Hillary were supposed to be involved in it never made any sense and never got anywhere. And how many years did the wingnuts keep flogging that?

    This one is probably even more convoluted. It seems like even the whistle blower had his own part in the scandal.

    It’s hard for me to get very excited about it, because I don’t give a shit if Petraeus is head of the CIA or not, or if he has a chance at being the Republican presidential nominee or not. But if he has lost it, that just goes to show how off the rails this exposé has been from the very start.

  137. 137
    priscianusjr says:

    @The Golux:

    How do we convince the Obama campaign organization to pivot to this, and apply their awesome ground game to the only thing that matters?

    Something tells me it wouldn’t take much convincing. In fact, I suspect they are already convinced.

  138. 138
    Matt McIrvin says:

    WordPress turns every discussion into a Philip Glass opera.

  139. 139
    trollhattan says:

    @Matt McIrvin:
    Heh. “Nixon in a Blender”

  140. 140
    WereBear says:

    @Matt McIrvin: WordPress turns every discussion into a Philip Glass opera.

    Good one!

    To me, Krauthammer epitomizes the old saying, “You can’t choose the face you are born with, but you earn the face you die with.”

    They tried to make Solyndra into a scandal, despite the fact it started during the Bush Admin. Ditto Fast & Furious. And, to be honest, it seems that the Petraeus affair started then, too?

  141. 141
    WereBear says:

    Whoops. Petraeus affair only started in 2011. Really? You couldn’t keep a secret that long, Mr CIA Director?

  142. 142
    Berial says:

    @PeakVT: What really sucks about that map is that in MS the head of the Health Dept. is all for it, and was ready to go forward, but the GOVERNOR decided he knew better what kind of medical care Mississippians need.

  143. 143
    Lex says:

    In what universe does any of this shit make sense?

    The one in which, out of all the participants, Eric Cantor is the one behaving most sanely. Which, I think, tells you all you need to know.

  144. 144
    different-church-lady says:

    I’m wondering if y’all can explain to me how this Obama conspiracy to blackmail Petraeus to give false testimony to Congress on Benghazi is supposed to work.

    You’re familiar with step 2 of the Underpants Gnome’s business plan? Same thing.

  145. 145
    Alex says:

    Try huffing paint thinner for a couple hours, in order to simulate the brain-functioning of these mouthbreathers, and then reconsider the Kraphammer thesis. It takes a ton of stoopid to make sense of this stuff.

  146. 146
    Anna in PDX says:

    LOL at the Philip Glass remark.

    This entire thing is too much for my linear form of thinking to comprehend. I guess I need to take a class in quantum wingnut reasoning.

  147. 147
    Mike G says:

    If only the Repuke sewer rats had been this assiduous about investigating the immense disaster that was 9/11. If the Chimp was given a pass on air defenses over the northeastern US (after multiple warnings), how the fuck can you then turn around and hold the POTUS responsible for a ground attack on a consulate in a country in turmoil on the other side of the world?

    But as always, the real name of their game is “Get the ni-CLANG, any excuse will do”.

  148. 148
    aimai says:

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    This reminds me of the Azande, who I had to study when I was a graduate student. According to the ethnography of the Azande, they really didn’t believe in coincidence or accident at all. Everything was caused by something else, usually something malevolent or intentional in the way of witchcraft. They were quite sceptical in their own way, however, and had a “poison oracle” to determine what was the cause of any given thing in dispute. Say your house fell down you could go to a poison oracle and they would ask a question of a chicken, then poison it and if it died you had your answer. But you would ask the same question a different way and try it again so that the two anwers could confirm each other. Like if one answer was “yes” the other had to be worded so it was “no.” Well, it was all a very long time ago now and we will hope that is an accurate reflection of what I learned at the time.

    aimai

  149. 149
    sherparick says:

    @Roger Moore: I was going to mention this since Ms. Kelly apparently called her friend, SA Shirtless, sometime in May and June about the anonymous e-mails telling her to keep her Housewives of Tampa Bay claws off a “Man Called Petraeus.” (See Atrios and Digby for more snark.) How devily clever of Kenyan Muslim Usurper to use his special mind control powers and a time machine to trigger all this 3 months before the Benghazi screw-up.

    About a week ago, everyone in Faux News and the Republican Party were gobsmacked about the outcome of the election because they were believing their own con. And now hardly a week later, they are once again slinging on what Jon Stewwart has aptly called BS Mountain.

  150. 150
    sherparick says:

    Again, as we all know, Peak Wingnut is a myth.

  151. 151
    LAC says:

    @MattF:something that would induce a coma, for starts. I am sooooo freaking tired of Dr. Strangelove and his Kraken face.

  152. 152
    LAC says:

    @blingee: I wish someone would tell that chinless fuck that his days as a young gun of politics are ovah..,

  153. 153
    Patricia Kayden says:

    “Am I missing something?”

    No, you’re just not crazy like a Bachmann.

  154. 154

    The theory was put forth by Charles Krauthammer yesterday …

    … and you kept reading it … why?

    Chuck doesn’t do rabbit holes, he does septic tanks.

    @Mike Goetz: This only prolongs speculation that there was coherence to be had.

  155. 155
    Felonius Monk says:

    Krauthammer and the ring-nuts he hangs out with remind me of a bunch of 2-yearolds. One of them drops a turd on the floor and the others just keep smearing it around.

    These assholes must check their brains at the door when they come to work — I just can’t believe that they are this stupid.

  156. 156
    AxelFoley says:

    @giltay:

    a) The president is black.
    __
    b) The president is a Democrat.
    __
    c) The president is in a position to get major things done this term that don’t just involve making rich folk richer.
    __
    d) The president is black.

    I think you forgot e) The president is black.

  157. 157
    El Cid says:

    That this whole thing has drawn immense attention to the individual government official involved in the most sensational bizarre cavalcade of reality TV tropes imaginable only proves what a shrewd puppet master the Obama administration is.

    Clearly, they intended for this to look so nutty-silly on purpose so that everyone would only think it was, rather than the subtly planned and expertly executed coverup it is, was, and ever shall be.

  158. 158
    Jeffery Bahr says:

    Krauthammer is an intelligent man, a physician who supports many liberal and libertarian notions (e.g., death penalty, anti-creationism, et al). This makes it all the sadder when he goes off on one of these inane benders. Reading his bio in Wikipedia, it’s amazing to see the progression from Mondale Democrate to raving conservative in a few short decades.

  159. 159
    befuggled says:

    @The Ancient Randonneur: So the Sumerians used ink to write on clay? I think you need to rework that.

  160. 160
    reggid says:

    The most brilliant part of Obama’s fiendish plot to cover up Benghazi was to travel back in time to select Patreus’ biographer, then later travel back in time again to make Patreus have an affair with her, and then later travel back in time a third time to make sure Patreus was investigated.

    Honestly are all right-wingers on drugs or something?

  161. 161
    Nylund says:

    My wife and I were just doing the same thing…trying to follow the conspiracy logic and we couldn’t figure it out. Wingnut conspiracy theories are always BS (Vince Foster!), but at least you can usually follow their baloney narrative. This one is has more than a few “underpants gnomes” gaps in the story:

    Step 1: Bengazi
    Step 2: ???
    Step 3: Petraeus
    Step 4: ???
    Step 5: Impeach Obama!

  162. 162
    Andrew Pulrang says:

    Scandals, kerfuffles, and brouhahas are usually about one or more of three main things:

    Ideas … Stuff that really matters and stuff related to what really matters.

    Actions … Sometimes people in power do really immoral and / or really illegal things.

    People … Specifically, weirdos, whose weirdness give the impression of something more, but there isn’t, they’re just weird,

    That last one is what this one is about. Patreaus is weird. Broadwell is weird, The Tampa “socialite” is definitely weird. And this other guy appears to be a weirdo junior grade.

    By tthe way … Watergate, that was a triple. Nixon was epically weird, personally. He did really immoral and illegal things, and it was all in service of corrupt ideas and assumptions.

  163. 163

    […] To make matters worse, Betty Cracker, a blogger over at the lefty Web site Balloon Juice, heartlessly satirizes Krauthammer’s conspiracy theory with stuff like THIS: […]

  164. 164

    […] To make matters worse,Betty Cracker, a blogger over at the lefty Web site Balloon Juice,heartlessly satirizesKrauthammer’s conspiracy theory with stuff like THIS: […]

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