Rick Santorum Might Kill and Eat Big Bird

It’s open season on Big Bird!

Rick Santorum appeared on CNN with that Piers Morgan chap, and royally screwed up answering a question about the Big Bird Kerfuffle:

“I’ve voted to kill Big Bird in the past. So, I have a record there that I have to disclose. That doesn’t mean I don’t like Big Bird. I mean, you can kill things and still like them, maybe to eat them, I don’t know.

After making the poor joke, Santorum seem to realize that his choice of words was going to come back and peck him in the ass:

“Can we go back on that one? That’s a bad youtube moment right there.”

You’re goddamn right it’s a bad YouTube moment.

And here it is for your enjoyment, and the horror of your children — both inner and real.

Look — I know it’s a joke gone awry, but fer crissakes, man. Your party already has the reputation of being heartless assholes.

You’re already the party of going hunting and shooting your friends in the face by accident.

Joking about killing and eating Big Bird is just a terrible idea, anyway you fry slice it.

Don’t worry, Big Bird. We’ve got your back.

[via HuffPo]

47 replies
  1. 1
    Metrosexual Manichean Monster DougJ says:

    Man on bird!

  2. 2
    muddy says:

    It’d be hard to find a bag big enough to stuff Big Bird into to pluck him.

  3. 3

    @Metrosexual Manichean Monster DougJ: It’s that homosexual agenda everybody’s been talking about.

  4. 4
    RedKitten says:

    It just getts better and better. We’ve gone from threatening to fire Big Bird, to threatening to kill and eat him! What’s next…using a metaphor of raping puppies when trying to justify cuts in federal funding towards the ASPCA?

  5. 5
    Face says:

    I mean, you can kill things and still like them,

    Domestic violence practicers all nod in unison.

  6. 6
    catclub says:

    “anyway you fry slice it”

    Boiled, baked, fricasseed, parboiled.

    There is a Monty Python sketch about cremation that this brings to mind ( for me.) I think it starts out with the other funeral home employee yelling ‘I think we’ve got an eater.’

  7. 7
    Suffern ACE says:

    That’s just silly. The value in that bird is in the oil and its numerous health giving benefits. That’s why there was a Big Bird Bubble that rocked the ag sectors of Ontario 10 years ago and India just this year. It’s the oil, I tell you. There’s a market.

  8. 8
    clone12 says:

    I mean, you can kill things and still like them

    Well, I guess Santorum just locked up the OJ Simpson vote for his team.

  9. 9
    Robin G. says:

    I love that “a bad YouTube moment” is now a thing.

  10. 10
    crosspalms says:

    Meanwhile, accomplished noodler Paul Ryan describes how he’d kill Big Bird…

  11. 11
    Amir Khalid says:

    Has the Republican party gone insane finally decided to accept Mitt Romney’s leadership? If so, this is a wonderful time, four weeks before the election, and a wonderful issue too: BIG BIRD MUST DIE!

    The killing-and-eating part is a touch of genius.

    When the secrets of the 2012 US presidential election are finally exposed, we shall finally learn what these people were smoking.

  12. 12
    scav says:

    I know it’s all Big Bird but I keep giggling at Tickle Me Third Rail.

  13. 13
    YellowJournalism says:

    Eat Big Bird? Why not? Thanksgiving is coming up, and that bird is large enough to feed a whole family of Romneys.

  14. 14
    burnspbesq says:

    It’s getting desperate. From @firemeelmo:

    .@PerezHilton Elmo desperate for work – will trade goods on Bert and Ernie in exchange for internship.

  15. 15
    Fuck ALL the chickens! (né Studly Pantload, t.e.u.u.) says:

    @Metrosexual Manichean Monster DougJ: Way to bogart the comment thread, Mr. Front Pager Dude.

  16. 16
    japa21 says:

    Okay, does anybody really remember anything else from the debate than the “Fire Big Bird” moment? Well, people here might, but it is getting to where that is all the general population will remember. And this is different from past debate gaffes. This deals with a subject that is close to a lot of people’s memories of growing up and their current children as well.

    This is the only reason the debate may mean more in the long run than the new UE figures. And you combine the two, no way Romney can come back.

    By Wednesday Gallup will have Obama up 10 and Rasmussen will have him up 5 or 6. (While, maybe not that much, but it wouldn’t surprise me.)

  17. 17
    trollhattan says:

    I’m invoking the Pierce rule: any post citing Santorum must include, “And have I mentioned recently what a colossal dick he is?”

    He’s still campaigning for the Ted Nugent endorsement, I see.

  18. 18
    LanceThruster says:

    Would this be literally or figuratively fvcking the chicken?

  19. 19
    Metrosexual Manichean Monster DougJ says:

    Also too, “for each man kills the thing he loves”…would have been a good title here.

  20. 20
    argystokes says:

    I think they killed and ate Big Bird on You Can’t Do That On Television. Anybody else remember that?

  21. 21
    ericblair says:

    @japa21:

    Okay, does anybody really remember anything else from the debate than the “Fire Big Bird” moment? Well, people here might, but it is getting to where that is all the general population will remember.

    Yeah, there you go. All the keening and wailing and we end up back where we started plus finding out that the Great Pasty White Hope wants to terminate, terminate, then masticate a large yellow ostrich-thing. Whatta country.

  22. 22
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    Keep on shtupping that tsikken, momsers…

  23. 23
    argystokes says:

    @argystokes: Here it is. Big Bird Celebrity Roast at 1:50.

  24. 24
    LanceThruster says:

    But Rmoney says Big Bird is only going to live on a farm upstate because he may have hugged him a little too hard!

  25. 25
    The Lodger says:

    Somebody want to tell me why Santorum is on TV? (And where are my clorox wipes when I need them?)

  26. 26
    LanceThruster says:

    @YellowJournalism:

    Not even worth a pardon compared to some anonymous Tom.

  27. 27
    Julia Grey says:

    Man on bird!

    Would this be literally or figuratively fvcking the chicken?

    You people kill me.

  28. 28
    Fuck ALL the chickens! (né Studly Pantload, t.e.u.u.) says:

    “Thanksgiving is coming up, and that bird is large enough to feed a whole family of Romneys”.

    True, but the Romneys are convinced their Snuffleupagus spare ribs will be the real talk of the town.

  29. 29
    Jamie says:

    To be fair, I don’t believe Ricky Santorum would fuck a public employee. Eat them, probably not.

  30. 30
    RSA says:

    Fire [up the grill for] Big Bird.

  31. 31
    ...now I try to be amused says:

    Look—I know it’s a joke gone awry, but fer crissakes, man. Your party already has the reputation of being heartless assholes.

    When Newt Gingrich became Speaker of the House, there was a humor contest to guess what the Gingrich House would do. Dickensian themes were popular, like my favorite entry:

    “Rename food stamps ‘gruel stamps’.”

  32. 32
    Thoughtcrime says:

    Romney to emulate Palin and pardon Big Bird: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYxn2vlhtWo:

  33. 33
    LanceThruster says:

    @Jamie: I think technically partially publicly subsidized funding does not make them public employees, however it does mean they’re required provide free abortions and birth control to sluts. It’s part of their “Minor Details” Planned Parenthood co-sponsorship.

  34. 34
    The Moar You Know says:

    Oh, let’s not kid ourselves. Santorum would happily strangle Big Bird, climax while doing so, and then have his family play with the carcass until it falls apart.

    Bad YouTube moment? His life’s been a fucking horror movie from start to finish.

  35. 35
    quannlace says:

    This man is so….so…ODD!

  36. 36
    LanceThruster says:

    @LanceThruster:

    Nobody saw “Of Mitt and Men”?

  37. 37
    RandyH says:

    Here’s an apt political cartoon that illustrates what the Republicans have wanted to do to poor Big Bird for decades.

    p.s. It also happens to be from some guy named John Cole. Hmmm…

  38. 38
    Snarki, child of Loki says:

    I mean, you can kill things and still like them,

    All together now: WE LIKE YOU, RICK!

    What are we going to tell the children? Big Bird was playing on the roof, and didn’t want to come down?

  39. 39
    maya says:

    Big Bird better smear on some Salmonella Cologne for protection.

  40. 40
    El Cid says:

    Most of our food aren’t famed entertainment characters, but I guess exceptions can be made.

  41. 41
    Amir Khalid says:

    There’s no better riposte to what the Republicans are saying about Big Bird than this video. (Link is to Slate’s Browbeat culture blog.)

  42. 42
    Ripley says:

    Romney/Ryan 2012: All your poultry are belong to us!

  43. 43
    TenguPhule says:

    So Mitt Romney’s Killing of Big Bird should now be ruled a crime of passion?

  44. 44
    JustRuss says:

    Damn. If this is what winning the debate gets you, I hope Obama sticks to losing.

  45. 45
    Liberty60 says:

    I’m really feeling a lot better about our chances now- They got less than one single day of the constant coverage of “Romney Wins Teh Debate!” before it shifted to “GOP Wants to Kill Big Bird!”

    Its almost like we can count on Santorum to screw the pooch at just the crucial moment.

  46. 46
    Snarki, child of Loki says:

    Romney to PBS:

    “Chick-fil-A, bitchez!”

  47. 47
    LanceThruster says:

    Who knew there were so many layers to Harper Lee’s “To Kill A Moochingbird”?

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