Pat Caddell is right, the Romney campaign is a bunch of gross incompetents, and ABL is right that the Romney campaign wants to “Carterize” the campaign, but they’re not going to get it done like this:
A top foreign policy aide to Mitt Romney suggested Thursday that the deadly attack on the U.S. consulate in Libya that killed Ambassador Christopher Stevens would never have happened if Romney were president. There wouldn’t even be anti-American protests in the Middle East if Romney were in charge, the aide said.
“There’s a pretty compelling story that if you had a President Romney, you’d be in a different situation,” Romney adviser Richard Williamson told the Washington Post. “For the first time since Jimmy Carter, we’ve had an American ambassador assassinated.”
Those comments launched a round of ridicule on Twitter:
Nobody fucks the chicken like the Romney campaign.
arguingwithsignposts
No shit sherlock. That would be true for ANY situation.
Baud
If Romney were president, Jesus would never have been nailed to that cross.
amk
If I were the queen of england, the fucking murka would not have won the war.
amk
btw mm, you have repeat tweets.
Baud
Ain’t no terrorist gonna mess with a man who saved the Winter Olympics.
Cermet
So, as asswipe romney circles the sewage drain after he himself flushed the toilet, I can’t help but wonder how so many people – outside the standard 27% – could vote for such a total asshole?
Just donated to President Obama’s campaign again. Money win’s elections!
Don’t forget the Supreme court is in play since at least one (liberal!) court judge will retire and another one might, as well. This is the big one – make the wing nuts cry by helping the election (esp. you who live in Florida, Ohio, and Virginia!)
sdhays
Yes, all we have to do is elect Mitt Romney President, and then peace and harmony will flow throughout the Middle East, Israelis and Palestinians will join hands in singing the Star Spangled Banner, Iran will petition the US Congress to become the 51st state, and Pakistan…well, even Mitt Romney can’t fix Pakistan.
Seriously, Romney’s a parody of himself. Who are these jokers and why do they want Jon Stewart’s job so badly?
Linda Featheringill
Mitt Romney is kindly giving Obama cover during this crisis. He has acted like such a jerk and everyone is talking about how wrong he is. In the meantime, Obama has a few days relatively free of the bright light of national attention in which to manage the situation.
That is a very nice gift and I think we owe Romney a vote of thanks.
danielx
Right. And if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
An oldie but goodie…
Seriously, how many ways are there to screw the pooch in a political campaign? Mittens is making John McCain’s 2008 effort look like a work of genius, which is pretty goddamned difficult. Karl Rove has got be grinding his molars down to the gumline by now…”if I was running this thing, that imposter Obama would be fighting off an impeachment effort this very minute instead of leading in the polls!”
Sucks to be a political genius sometimes, doesn’t it, Karl?
mistermix
@amk: Thanks, I fixed it.
bemused
Wow.
Also read at TPM that Romney said Obama “will say untrue things” in the debates.
Portman is playing Obama in Romney’s debate practice. Mitt said Portman is very good and he never wants to debate him again. Hilarious.
Jibeaux
That hashtag was funny last night, although it’s now been mostly usurped by decidedly unfunny conservatives. For whom “nobama” is still a very witty quip.
WereBear
It takes decades of Mammon-worship, insulated cluelessness, false confidence, and ass-kissing to create the Ultimate Republican Warrior!
Yet, no one wants to play this game.
Valdivia
@Linda Featheringill:
Completely agree. As I said in the previous thread: Obama’s little ‘not an ally’ comment fixed right quick all the non responsiveness of the MB govt in Egypt. See please apology letter in NYT. :)
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/14/opinion/our-condolences-the-muslim-brotherhood-says.html?_r=1
amk
@danielx: stolen & tweeted.
Feudalism Now!
Mitt Romney is the reason Putin wears no shirt. Theirs is a love that need not speak its name.
beltane
@bemused: It’s probably true that Portman doesn’t want to debate him again. It might be Portman’s polite way of telling Mitt he thinks this will be his last campaign ever. After he loses to Obama he will never be considered a serious candidate for anything for the rest of his life.
danielx
@amk:
Knock yourself out, by all means.
Linda Featheringill
@Valdivia:
That’s a very nice letter from the govt of Egypt. Somebody has a future in diplomacy.
Valdivia
@Linda Featheringill:
I just love that when all the talking heads were clutching their pearls yesterday, what Obama did say, even if they softened it the next day, was the right medicine. Here are the results. Our O knows what he is doing.
catclub
“the attack on the U.S. consulate in Libya that killed Ambassador Christopher Stevens would never have happened if Romney were president. ”
Because Moammar Qaddafi would still be the head of Libya, and we would have no diplomatic relations with them. Not really a reason to go with Romney.
cintibud
So Mitt has upped Obama’s 2008 unicorn with 6 flying unicorns pulling a pumpkin carriage of freedom with prosperity (or something) trickling down.
catclub
@bemused: “Also read at TPM that Romney said Obama “will say untrue things” in the debates.”
I read that too.
Like “The stock market is near its all time highs”
or “Bin Laden is dead and GM is alive”
both of which are untrue in Romney’s world.
Jibeaux
Also too, it seems like if that’s a limb you’re going to climb out on, maybe poll more than 20% on the question of who would win in a fight.
bemused
@beltane:
No, Mitt said he didn’t want to debate Portman again….that’s when I started to snicker. If Mitt doesn’t want to debate a surrogate Obama again, he must really be looking forward to debating the real deal.
beltane
@bemused: If he can’t handle Portman…
And don’t you think John Kerry is having a fine old time playing a surrogate Romney for Obama’s debate prep? I’d love to be a fly on the wall for those sessions.
bemused
@beltane:
Oh yeah, that would be entertaining.
I’d like to be a fly in Romney campaign strategy sessions and hear what these lunatics really say among themselves. On second thought, maybe not. I’d probably have night terrors.
Mark S.
If Romney were president, Jar-Jar Binks would have never been in any of the Star Wars movies.
geg6
@beltane:
Oh my, yes. Bet that is a deadly serious practice that, at the end, has them all in stitches. Kerry knows Mittens. I’m sure he had a lot of exposure to him back in the old, unmentionable governor days. I’ll bet he has him cold. How much you wanna bet they have been watching ol’ Teddy take him apart, component after component, until he was a quivering mass of sparking wires and smoking electronics? A thing of beauty, that.
shortstop
@bemused: The hub and I are looking forward to the tell-all books from campaign staffers. No one is going to want to be associated later with this career-threatening trainwreck; there should be a nice cavalcade of people pointing fingers and insisting that everything done in this campaign happened over their own strenuous objections.
giltay
@Valdivia: Wait, are you saying that Obama got the Egyptian government to apologize to the US? Apology tour!
Suffern ACE
There is a compelling story about what the world would be like with Romney as president, but I’m not into vampire erotica. Could someone summarize the plot so I can keep up with the national conversation?
cmorenc
@Linda Featheringill:
That’s pretty much exactly what Joe Scarborough said (lamented really) on Morning Ho this am. It’s almost worth tuning into Morning Ho to enjoy watching Scarborough go through fits of exasperation over the incompetence of Romney’s campaign, barely managing to keep himself composed enough to bark at Halprin and Mika instead of yelling at the set furniture.
Mark B.
Hitler never would have implemented a final solution if Romney had been president during WWII.
rea
“For the first time since Jimmy Carter, we’ve had an American ambassador assassinated.”
Oh, bloody hell. Ambassador Adolph Dubs was killed in 1979 in Afghanistan in an exchange of gunfire between Maoist guerillas who had kidnapped him and troops of the Soviet-backed government who were trying to rescue him. Clearly this could have been prevented if only Carter had engaged in more macho posturing.
Mark B.
If Romney had been President in 1986 instead of Reagan, the O-Rings on the Challenger’s booster would have been too scared to fail.
Mino
Point and Mock@ is proving to be a real counterbalance to the right. And the lack of spine in the MSM.
Nina
Yes, we’ve NEVER had our embassies attacked while a Republican was president. NEVER had the Tanzanian embassy almost destroyed. NEVER EVER EVER DON’T THINK ABOUT GEORGE W BUSH TOO LATE.
rlrr
Let’s see, troops in Iraq, no plan for withdrawal from Afghanistan, and war with Iran. The situation would certainly be different…
Mino
If Mitt Romney were in charge all mideastern oil would be radioactive and free.
WereBear
If Mitt Romney had been President that meteor would have veered off and let the dinosaurs live.
And Republicans would look like real dinosaurs today… instead of just thinking like ones.
chopper
romney is going for the Bill Brasky vote.
eyelessgame
Reminds me of something I was told Khruschev said back in the 1950s – there was no prostitution in the Soviet Union, he said, because they had eliminated the underlying factors that would lead to it.
There was much snarking and hilarity, even if it had to be coded in public (this was the 1950s).
Mark B.
If Romney was Roman Emperor when Christ had been alive, he would have never been crucified.
Edit: Apologies to Baud, you got there first.
chopper
to mitt romney! a ten foot tall mountain of a man who could palm a medicine ball!
Jay C
Really, clown? If it’s so damn “compelling”, why don’t you tell it, rather than make generalized BS like this: which can only leave your campaign open to merciless mockery??? Oh wait, it’s Mitt Romney‘s campaign….
Mark B.
If Romney were president in 1919, Shoeless Joe Jackson would have never tried to fix the World Series.
japa21
@bemused: It is based upon the performance of Portman that Romney thinks Obama will say untrue things in the debate. Even playing Obama, Portman probably couldn’t resist the Republican tendency to lie. Portman probably said things like “I killed OBL with my bare hands” and “I can walk on water”. And Romney probably believes that everything Portman said is exactly what Obama will say. Ergo, Obama will lie.
Mark S.
@Mark B.:
Not only that, he would have made Jesus his Vice-Emperor.
And then sent him off to the New World to found Nephi.
Rita R.
@Mark B.:
I believe we have a winner!
gelfling545
@arguingwithsignposts: So what he is saying is that if things were different things would be different?
Interrobang
Mitt Romney is apparently the new Chuck Norris.
As if one of him weren’t enough.
scav
If Romney were president, ‘merica wouldn’t need Obama- or any-heath care as germs wouldn’t dare and cancer cells would self-deport!
catclub
@Mino: Likewise if McCain were elected. Hence the reason Obama _was_ elected.
schrodinger's cat
If Romney were Paul Ryan, he would have a run a marathon in less than an hour on one of the fourteeners.
Mark B.
If Romney were pope during the middle ages, EVERYONE would have expected the Spanish Inquisition.
quannlace
They aren’t the only one. The other day on CNN, Wolf Blitzer was trying to equate the attack on the embassy in Libya, to the massive hostage crisis in 1979.
Sweet Jesus, when did he become such a tool?!
************************
Shit, did Romney ever get out of middle school? His whole campaign is like ‘Ooh, quit it, you’re being mean to me.” First with the tax returns, and now with the debates? Wanna bet he’s going to find some way to demand special treatment or terms for them.
bemused
@shortstop:
I had the same thought a few weeks ago. Unlike any other Republican prez candidate, insiders are going to be stampeding out of the gate to get their books out in print. I think it will be a blood bath.
eyelessgame
BTW, can someone add a Lexicon entry on where the reference to “keep fucking that chicken” comes from?
chopper
notice he didn’t say ‘reasonable’ or ‘logical’ or ‘realistic’. just ‘compelling’. shit, The Matrix was a ‘compelling story’.
SenyorDave
If Mitt Romney had been president in the early 1900’s, Hitler would have retired as an obscure housepainter.
WereBear
If Mitt Romney had been President before we had a nation, we’d have had the Bomb in 1776!
quannlace
I think his big mistake WAS taking on all those neo-cons from the Bush years.
Each one pushing their pet ideas and plans instead of focusing on the campaign as a whole. These are not people who work and play well with others.
What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? (formerly MarkJ)
If Romney had gone to Vietnam, he would have single-handedly defeated the Viet Cong.
Unfortunately he had to fail to save souls in France instead, because that was best for America.
chopper
@SenyorDave:
and the Kaiser would never have stolen our word ‘twenty’. chased him for dickety-two miles, i did.
catclub
@quannlace: It really is amazing. Romney proudly takes on John Bolton as a FP advisor.
Someone else posted that John Bolton is one of the few people less attractive than Mitt Romney to the American people.
When George W Bush was at 23% popularity, Dick Cheney was at 11%. John Bolton is very much like Dick Cheney.
chopper
if mitt romney were president 500 million years ago, the Cambrian would never have exploded.
tjmn
If Romney was president in 1914, he would have saved the Archduke Ferdinand stopping all the crap of the rest of the 20th century. h/t to my son, the 18-year-old historian
Odie Hugh Manatee
If Romney was president…
… Swiss Miss would be Swiss Mrs.
… the West Nile Virus would be deported back to the West Nile.
… pencils would be self sharpening.
… there would be one world religion, Mormonism.
… puzzles would solve themselves.
… everyone would discover vast reserves of oil in their back yard.
chopper
they use romney’s foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
eyelessgame
Not to rain on the party or anything, but we really ought to say something about Romney’s transparent Big Lie tactic this morning- preemptively accusing Obama of lying in the upcoming debates. It means when Romney’s accused of lying – and he will be so accused, because he will lie; he has to – the public perception will be “the two camps trading accusations of lying”. Very little we can do about that… there’s not really much of a defense against the Big Lie.
Except to point it out right now, before the debates and before responsible accusations of lying can actually be made by either side.
scav
If Romney had been president, Mohammed would never have even dared to be born as there is no profit other than Romney’s!
(nb: Jesus would also be let go in the second round of downsizing as equally redundant.)
chopper
like an alligator, he can fully digest a turtle shell.
WereBear
@quannlace: I’m convinced the biggest problem is the Mittster his own self.
Remember that story about how he did well in the debates, and so attention turned to his debate coach, and then he fired the guy?
There’s been a lot of speculation about how what seemed to be two lovely people (his parents) raised such a self-centered clueless psychopathic entity. I believe the White Horse Prophecy is to blame. And not even from Mitt’s parents; they had hopes, perhaps, but not certainty.
But it seems to me that Mitt was surrounded by people who did believe it, and they molded this Republican Kwisatz Haderach by smoothing his path, throwing money his way, and assuring him he was Meant To Be. Add in a religion that is utterly obsessive with how things look (Mormons were about optics before the phrase was born) and you get someone like Mitt: cutting off a fellow students’s hair because “it’s not right” and “he has no right to be his own person.”
The psychic stress flares up in those “pranks” we read about, where Mitt toys with violence. They probably caution the grandkids to let Grandpa win at checkers. Everything in his life has been checking off boxes to the grand goal, like Left Behind fans scanning news headlines.
So we are getting to see how Mitt would rule. And I have no doubt that is how he thinks of it.
Reality has a way of upending a narcissist’s dreams. And that is how you wind up in a bunker, killing your dog and your bride.
frazzle
@eyelessgame
It’s a reference to anchor
Ron BurgundyErnie Anastos famously and obliviously “misspeaking”scav
@eyelessgame: It’s not like a single BJ thread is in charge of the entire campaign, let’s not get above ourselves here. And I suppose it was kind of Romney to point out that Obama may lie within a single venue because Romney’s demonstrated that he himself will lie in any and all of them. I’m moreover sure Romney sees that as a particular virtue, strength and selling point unique to himself.
patrick II
@bemused:
I have been expecting this from the Romney camp. Like the deserter Bush attacking Kerry’s war heroism Romney will attack Obama’s truthfulness like the deserter of truth Romney is. It is a way to inoculate himself to criticism for the lies he plans to tell.
He is sure to get at least some “both sides do it” from his assault on Obama’s honesty while continuing his own campaign of lies.
quannlace
And pizzas would deliver themselves.
********
Re: Mitt’s saying that Obama’s going to lie in the debates. True, it could be his trying to deflect from his own pending falsehoods. But I chalked it up to his usual whining.
So…if Obama lies about something, call him on it. How big a wuss are you?
SFAW
@WereBear:
That being the case, I think he was pretty damn lucky that there was no Sister Bertrille behind him with the Gom
AlcindorJabbar, because he would have pulled hismagic winkyhand out of the box within about 7 femto-seconds.And then where would we be? Libya in flames, Jesus crucified, Hitler annexing the Sudetenland all over again.
scav
@quannlace: Well, one does rather need facts and reality close to hand to be able to disprove a lie under normal operating circs. Rombot will no doubt attempt the usual soaring rhetorical and compelling alternative universe defense in contexts where he’s not going face-to-face with Obama. If Romney were president, debates would consist of resignation speeches and apologies for slowing down his triumphal progress though life.
Villago Delenda Est
@Mark S.:
I don’t think so.
If Romney were President, we would have had the five word nightmare:
Jar-Jar Binks, Jedi Knight.
Zippity
I think the bigger takeaway from the TPM post is that he said he isn’t going to correct the falsehoods, because that would take away time to talk about what he wants to talk about. I think he’s planning to pull a Sarah Palin and ignore the actual questions and just hit his talking points.
Tonal Crow
If Romney were President, rainbow-flavored unicorns would leap into the air to join legions of migrating pigs, lions would lie down with lambs, every sword would be beaten into a plowshare, and peace and love upon the earth would be eternal.
—
Romney: like Sarah Palin, but shoots first and aims later.
SFAW
@scav:
As long as he doesn’t use his “pious sermonizing” face, which, as far as I’m concerned, is more repulsive than his smirk.
Y’all know the face, looks something like this:
http://abcnews.go.com/meta/search/imageDetail?format=plain&source=http://abcnews.go.com/images/Politics/abc_ann_rnc_romney_moments_120830
Reminds me of some semi-authority figure, having a sad because some child has misbehaved, and gosh, aren’t we disappointed in him?
Enhanced Voting Techniques
More Romney FACTS(tm)
Mitt Romney is an alternative source of renewable energy (of the non hippie kind)
Chuck Norris looks under his bed every night to make sure Mitt Romney isn’t hiding there.
If Romney had been president in 1963 Ozwald’s bullets would have just bounced off Romney’s hair.
PurpleGirl
I want to thank all the clever BJers. Your retroactive “if Romney were” examples have brightened my morning and made me chuckle.
Mr Stagger Lee
Had Romney been president, the Dodgers would have never left Brooklyn, the Browns would have never left Cleveland and the Sonics would have never left Seattle.
quannlace
Is that his ‘Sad Dad’ face?
Villago Delenda Est
@Zippity:
Yes, mainly because that worked so well for Sarah.
Well, it worked fine with Rich Lowry!
Chris
@danielx:
Anyone know what this is doing to his poll numbers yet? I’d really like to know that…
Cassidy
His various smirks and faces remind me of someone trying really hard to let one rip and then slowly dribbling into their pants.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Enhanced Voting Techniques:
Fix’t.
SFAW
@quannlace:
Bingo. (Your term is probably a better name for it.)
Drives me up a wall when I see it. Sometimes it’s kinda like “You’re feeling sad, Mittens? I’ll give you something to be sad about, you smug motherfucker.” I guess it’s because I got “issues”, but still …
celticdragonchick
The Pelopponesian War lasted for 27 years because it had #romneystrength
chopper
@Enhanced Voting Techniques:
actually his dad is. he’s spinning in his grave so much they hooked up a generator to him.
...now I try to be amused
If Mitt Romney was president, Gondwanaland would still be united, and Romney would be called President of the United Continents.
WereBear
The Hundred Years War lasted for over a hundred years because it had #romneystrength!
Waldo
If Mitt Romney were president, you’d be home by now.
Richard
If Mitt Romney were president, we’d all own flying cars, like George Jetson.
Richard
New improved Ty-D-Bol, now with #romneystrength!
Patricia Kayden
So would over 3000 Americans have been killed on 9/11 if Romney had been President?
WereBear
Can Mitt Romney create a weight too great for him to lift?
Enhanced Voting Techniques
@Odie Hugh Manatee: You sir have scored a point
Enhanced Voting Techniques
2011 Tōhoku earthquake and Tsunami; that was Romney rolling over in his sleep. FACT
danielx
@Patricia Kayden:
Applause.
As a trick question, that far outranks asking someone if he’s stopped beating his wife yet.
piratedan
@Mark S.: hush now, that’s the one weakness that the Obama Death Star has…….
g
@catclub: Well, if anyone can recognize a lie, it’s Romney.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
There are those who believe the Tunguska event of 1908 was not a comet striking the earth but Romney retroactively sending himself back in time.
The reason why no alien invasion after Roswell; Romney.
g
@Jay C: If it’s so damn “compelling”, why don’t you tell it, rather than make generalized BS like this
Oh, he did give us specifics, he did!
He said Romney would give all the people in the Middle East sparkle ponies and unicorns.
g
@japa21: And Romney probably believes that everything Portman said is exactly what Obama will say. Ergo, Obama will lie.
And when Real Obama doesn’t say what Empty Chair Obama is scripted to say? Then Real Obama is lying again!
WaterGirl
@SFAW: That face makes me want to smack him, whereas the smug triumphant face he had leaving the stage after our diplomats were killed makes me really really angry.
Someone should put together the 5 faces of Romney, complete with labels.
patroclus
This thread is absolutely hilarious!
TenguPhule
If Romney had been in charge, Horus would never have fallen to Chaos.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
@TenguPhule: If Romney has been a god in 3600 BC Horus would have never fallen to Set.
If Romney had been king of Mycenae in 1200 BC, Achilles mother would have never missed the back of Achilles’ foot.
If Romney had been King of England the Grand Old Duke of York would marches his ten thousand men up up that hill and stayed there with no apologies.
SFAW
@WaterGirl:
Perhaps, if we pray hard enough, the FSM will smite Mittens with one of its noodley appendages.
Better yet, a steel-cage match between FSM and the Angel Moron. If the Angel Moron loses, will Mittens’s magic underwear lose they magic? Will the Mother Church (or whatever they call it in SLC) fall in a manner similar to Minas Morgul (or was it Barad-Dur?) after Gollum has his “Oopsie!” with Teh Ring? Will Mittens’s android sub-structure melt into a puddle, as a result of all his lies catching up with him?
I’d pay good money to see that bout. Maybe Vince McMahon can announce and Jesse The Body can do color.
TenguPhule
@114 Enhanced Voting Techniques: Your 40K-fu is weak, my friend.
TenguPhule
If Mitt Romney had been in charge, the Babe would never have gone to the Yankees and the Red Sox would have won every world series to this day.
Billy
There’s a pretty compelling story that nobody believes their own bullshit like Romney.