Barack Obama is Sick of Your Shit: This is Brilliant

I so needed this link today:

3 years ago, I made an awesome discovery: the audiobook version of Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father.

The main draw of the audiobook is that it’s actually narrated by Obama. It’s interesting to hear him imitate the voices of some of the people that have been important in his life. Like Ray, for example.

Ray, a former high school classmate, was savvy and streetwise, with a new take on black culture and white America. Best of all, Ray had an extremely colorful manner of self-expression. In other words, he cursed. A lot.

That means the President curses. A lot.

In fact you’re about to hear the POTUS swear like a motherfucker.

You have to click through and listen to the ringtones. My favorite, obvs, is: “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.”

I love it.

You’re welcome.

[via Regretsy]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

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84 replies
  1. 1
    Urza says:

    If only he could still use these words publicly.

  2. 2
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    There are motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

    That is all.

  3. 3
    chopper says:

    that is the most awesome thing ever.

  4. 4
    Warren Terra says:

    I’m sorry, you’re wrong. The correct favorite is “Shit’s getting way too complicate for me”

    By the way, you can save them and use them as you wish if you right-click on them and “save link as”

  5. 5
    Triumph says:

    …you guys realize this shit is about to be up on Drudge taken way out of context, right? Sorry to be Debbie Downer on what’s otherwise absolutely hilarious.

  6. 6
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.”

    Countdown to “It’s the whitey tape”…10…

  7. 7
    LeeM says:

    Wait until November 7th.

  8. 8
    rikyrah says:

    This is too funny for words

  9. 9
    aimai says:

    I love all of them. I already use The President singing Al Green for Mr. Aimai’s ringtone. I wonder who I can use for “shits gettin’ waaaay to complicated for me.”

    aimai

  10. 10
    Raven says:

    @Triumph: Context? it’s bullshit.

  11. 11
    Shawn in ShowMe says:

    Ray, a former high school classmate, was savvy and streetwise, with a new take on black culture and white America. Best of all, Ray had an extremely colorful manner of self-expression. In other words, he cursed. A lot.
    —-
    That means the President curses. A lot.

    Not necessarily. If everybody on Balloon Juice cursed like their homeboys, every other post here would be X-rated.

  12. 12
    Hill Dweller says:

    @Triumph: Obama’s audio book has been out for years, and a lot of these clips were floating around during ’08.

    I’d love to see wingnuts try to make an issue of this. IMO, the clips are hilarious, and wouldn’t hurt the President at all.

  13. 13
    Bulworth says:

    This does seem hard to pass up.

  14. 14
    hep kitty says:

    Thanks for posting this. I’ve heard snippets here and there in the past. Can’t wait to get home and listen to these. Surprised the Romney camp hasn’t done a campaign ad yet splicing together naughty words and stuff about white people.

    “The Real Obama!”

  15. 15
    Cassidy says:

    Is this “Go the Fuck to Sleep” awesome?

  16. 16
    quannlace says:

    Now, if only that had been part of that drek ‘2016: Obama’s America.” the film might have had some entertainment vaule.

  17. 17
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @Hill Dweller: We’re refighting women’s rights. It won’t be hard to refight Obama cursing white America.

  18. 18
    Culture of Truth says:

    NY Post Ad claims President Obama’s biological father is not Barack Hussein Obama Sr., but rather poet and labor activist Frank Marshall Davis. Or as the ad puts it, “Communist Party Propagandist Frank Marshall Davis.”

  19. 19
    Culture of Truth says:

    Didn’t Obama win a Grammy Award for that?

    Drudge can cram it.

  20. 20
    Emma says:

    Can I just squeal like a fangirl? The dude is amazing. Sings. Records his own book. Loves his wife. Leads the free world. Kicks republican arse.

  21. 21
    Cassidy says:

    part of that drek ‘2016: Obama’s America.”

    Heh…we went to a movie alst weekend and a bunch of people passed as going to a theater. When i noticed the title I started groaning and laughing. When my wife asked why I told her it was the 2016 movie and i can’t belive all these knuckleheads passing us by and they should be ashemed of themselves…as more were passing by. The looks were priceless.

  22. 22
    Chyron HR says:

    A real liberal would have bought America some fries by now. Just saying.

  23. 23
    Jim, Foolish Literalist and Fact Checker says:

    “Now, you know that guy ain’t shit.. sorry ass motherfucker got nothin’ on me, right? Nothin’!”

    How did they get into a campaign discussion about Romney? Was Plouffe wearing a wire?

    (you think Sasha and Malia are giggling about this?)

  24. 24
    Calouste says:

    OT, although vaguely related to “shit’s gettin’ waaaay too complicated for me.”:

    Quoting fact checkers will now get you banned from redstate.

  25. 25
    JasonF says:

    @Shawn in ShowMe: It’s not that people are assuming that because Ray curses, Obama must curse too. It’s that Obama includes some of Ray’s dialogue in his book, and since Obama reads the book you get a lot of hilarious instances of Obama saying things like “You ain’t my b****, n****** — buy your own damn fries!” (which was Ray’s response to a girl trying to eat some of his french fries).

    I first heard these clips four years ago, give or take, and they never stop being funny. I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

  26. 26
    ally says:

    Eh…he still sounds awfully “clean” to me.

    In a good way.

  27. 27
    Culture of Truth says:

    Obama is indeed amazing.

    Also, Bill Clinton has somehow gotten both Obama and Romney, in the middle of campaign season, to come to his CGI event. That is really impressive.

    I wonder what Obama will do post-WH. Perhaps record audio books, kick ass, save the world.

  28. 28
    Liberty60 says:

    I would love to have a rip in the space-time contiuum and see a conversation between LBJ and Obama over the health care/Medicare debate.

    Same GOP mutherfuckers pullin’ the same shiite decades apart.

  29. 29
    Liberty60 says:

    @Culture of Truth:
    Barack H. Obama, Zombie Hunter

  30. 30
    Shawn in ShowMe says:

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    He would just have Ann do those parts. She’s the tough guy in that family.

  31. 31
    👽 Martin says:

    “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.”

    Oh, if only we could auto program every phone in the country to play that when the Romney campaign calls.

  32. 32
    Davis X. Machina says:

    LBJ, I am sure, would make Obama, or even Obama’s Ray, sound like the Church Lady.

    The arm’s-length versions that come through things like Caro’s biography alone are suggestive of great talent and expertise in this field.

  33. 33
    Gemina13 says:

    Oh, damn. This is gooooooood. :D

    And what is with modern America’s squeamishness about swearing? There’s nothing lazy about swearing. Profanity’s as old as language itself. The Greeks and Romans made it part of poetry (try reading Catullus in the original Latin, and tell me you could bowdlerize him while still keeping the sheer lyricism of his verse). It’s necessary for expression, because sometimes “gosh,” “darn” and “screw it” don’t cut it. It’s namby-pamby. It’s balder and dash. In short, it’s bullshit.

    Now I’ve got to go get that audiobook. :D

  34. 34
    Waldo says:

    So those were the lines Clint was responding to!

  35. 35
    Steve says:

    Holy shit, that is awesome.

  36. 36
    Culture of Truth says:

    @Waldo: WIN

  37. 37
    kdaug says:

    @Liberty60: I’ll grab a 12-pack, a bottle of scotch, and the keys to my TARDIS.

  38. 38
    Violet says:

    This can only gain Obama votes, not lose any.

  39. 39
    Culture of Truth says:

    Bill Cosby would not approve. You don’t have to work blue!

  40. 40
    MikeJ says:

    @Davis X. Machina:

    LBJ, I am sure, would make Obama, or even Obama’s Ray, sound like the Church Lady.

    CSPAN radio used to play LBJ tapes every Sunday afternoon.

  41. 41
    Geeno says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent): If he broke that out during the debate, it would absolutely make my fuckin’ century.

  42. 42
    Spike says:

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    I’m struggling to imagine something duller and more anodyne than Mitt Romney reading from his own memoir. Maybe a turkey sandwich on Wonder bread, with fat-free mayo.

  43. 43
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    To Mitt Romney, Ned Flanders is obscenity-prone.

  44. 44
    Liberty60 says:

    @Spike:
    Mitt needs David Lynch to make his commercials. Who else can grasp the gestalt of Mitt’s white picket fence nightmare?

    Hell no, it wouldn’t win him the election, but it sure would liven things up.

  45. 45
    different-church-lady says:

    The real nugget of gold there is clicking through to something else and seeing the phrase “turducken of the damned” used for the first time in human history.

  46. 46
    Culture of Truth says:

    BARACK OBAMA, AMATEUR

    Shanksville, Pa. (AP) Vice President Joe Biden used some salty language to invite Pennsylvania firefighters to the White House.

    Biden visited the Shanksville Volunteer Fire Department after attending a memorial service in the Pennsylvania town where one of four planes hijacked on Sept. 11, 2001, crashed.

    Biden promised to have an aide call the deputy fire chief to set up a visit to the White House for the department, using strong language to indicate he wasn’t kidding.

    After noticing that reporters were listening, Biden cleaned up his language by replacing the foul word with “malarkey.”

    Said Biden: “This is no malarkey. You come to the White House. I’ll buy you a beer.”

  47. 47
    Dennis SGMM says:

    @FlipYrWhig:

    To Mitt Romney, Ned Flanders is obscenity-prone.

    If Mitt Romney needs to curse, he’ll hire someone to do it.

  48. 48
    Paula says:

    This is four years old, but have your belated fun … :P

  49. 49
    hep kitty says:

    Why am I only just now discovering this site? It’s great!

    on Nine-Elevenalia, now with more Justin Bieber

  50. 50
    Punchy says:

    Quoting fact checkers will now get you banned from redstate

    Facts have a libruhl bias.

  51. 51
    Roger Moore says:

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    “I’m running for office for Pete’s sake, I can’t have profanity in my memoirs!”

  52. 52
    Face says:

    @Culture of Truth: Thanks. Now I have that Eddie Murphy-doing-Bill Cosby bit running nonstop in my head.

  53. 53
    Rob in Buffalo says:

    Are the links/files down?

  54. 54
    Dork says:

    After noticing that reporters were listening, Biden cleaned up his language by replacing the foul word with “malarkey.”

    “Malarkey”? Really, that’s what he’s going with? Whiskey Tango Fuckinhell does it even mean?

    Sometimes, a swear word moment demands a swear word.

  55. 55
    Culture of Truth says:

    Breaking: Barack Obama To Read Chris Kluwe’s Tweets For Charity

  56. 56
    chopper says:

    @Roger Moore:

    “and then my friend Enos said ‘son of a diddly!'”

  57. 57
    Culture of Truth says:

    @Dork: My impression is Biden did say “this is no bullshit” but then changed to malarkey when he saw reporter jotting his statement down.

  58. 58
    flukebucket says:

    @aimai:

    I already use The President singing Al Green for Mr. Aimai’s ringtone.

    I use it for Mrs. Flukebucket’s ringtone too. That way when she calls I get to hear from my favorite woman and my favorite man at the same time.

  59. 59
    Culture of Truth says:

    @Face: In my head I have Phil Hartman as Sinatra telling Chris Rock as a guy from 2 Live Crew “YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORK BLUE!!”

  60. 60
    karen marie says:

    @Spike: Boiled turkey on white bread with fat free mayo.

  61. 61
    wrb says:

    @Culture of Truth:

    Now they claim he’s NOT a Kenyan?

  62. 62
    Culture of Truth says:

    @wrb: Correct. He could have been Frankie Davis Jr. but chose Barack Hussein Obama for political reasons.

  63. 63
    MikeJ says:

    @Culture of Truth: With that name he’d be a one man Rat Pack!

  64. 64
    A Humble Lurker says:

    The last one is my favorite, no contest.

  65. 65
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    OT: Redstate is fully on board with the “We don’t need no stinking facts” campaign of Mitty/Shitty 2012. Here’s the headline announcement from them:

    Quote a FactChecker Earn a Ban

    At least they’re honest about not having to be honest!

  66. 66
    Darkrose says:

    My happy place is now imagining Obama turning to Romney in a debate and saying, “Now, Mitt, there are white folks… and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.”

  67. 67
    Culture of Truth says:

    @Darkrose: You could tape a debate and then dub it in.

  68. 68
    MikeJ says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: And what’s hilarious is what was the last straw: Kessler. He had the nerve to point out that Ryan voted for the deal with defense sequestration.

    And he still ends with, “As this is a tour through the budgetary weeds, we are not going to award Pinocchios here. ” Bending over backwards for Ryan and it’s still not enough to make him look good.

  69. 69

    ABL, I love you for this. (And some other stuff but a lot for this!)

    This made my damn day. :)

  70. 70
    LanceThruster says:

    @Dennis SGMM:

    I could see the Romdroid using…say “H-E-double hockey sticks.” When I was growing up, I was always amused by the LDS mother across the street who would yell at her kids, “DAD-GUMMIT!”

    I wondered, why is it acceptable to approximate “goddamit!”?

    If you want to say goddamit, say goddamit. It’s like saying “poopy” when you mean “shit.”

  71. 71
    Dave Empey says:

    @Rob in Buffalo: Yeah, I’m not seeing any links or files either. I’ve tried in several browsers and both Windows and Ubuntu.

  72. 72
    AxelFoley says:

    @Culture of Truth:

    Bill Cosby would not approve. You don’t have to work blue!

    Eddie Murphy: Richard said, “The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, “Suck *my* dick.” I don’t give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Do you get paid?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker.”

  73. 73

    Links worked fine in Chrome. I saved them as MP3s.

  74. 74
    Mnemosyne says:

    @LanceThruster:

    When we were kids, my dad’s attempt at a substitute swear word was, “God … bless … America!”

    I think he gave up trying to use alternate phrases by the time I was about 12 or so and just let ‘er rip after that.

  75. 75
    Genghis says:

    No sounds anymore. This may be a good thing…

    Best….H

  76. 76
    Fort Geek says:

    Couldn’t see them, but there are some at the HuffPo

  77. 77
    Fort Geek says:

    How awesome would it have been, at that one speech…

    “You lie!”

    [pause for a beat]
    “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.” [turns back to face rest of room] “You know that guy ain’t shit. Sorry-ass motherfucker ain’t got nothing on me.” [resumes speech]

  78. 78

    What browser other than Android or Firefox for PC must one use to get clickable links on that page? I got nuttin’.
    .

  79. 79
    Citizen_X says:

    This is a big fucking deal.

  80. 80
    SectarianSofa says:

    @A Humble Lurker:

    Heh. ‘Buy your own damn fries.’ That one makes me laugh the most.

  81. 81
    SectarianSofa says:

    @Jeffraham Prestonian:

    I’m using firefox on Linux ; works. What platform do you need?

  82. 82
  83. 83
    BruinKid says:

    Crap, it’s not working on that site for me. All I see are the names of the soundbites, but nothing to play them with.

  84. 84
    The Golux says:

    @Jeffraham Prestonian: In Firefox, right-click on the page, then click “View page source”. In the window that comes up, search for “mp3”. On each of the five, right-click and select “Copy Link Location”, then paste it into the address bar.

    Aw, the hell with it – here’s the first one:

    http://static.regretsy.com/wp-.....NORANT.mp3

    The others are the same except for the last bit:

    OBAMA_NUMBER.mp3
    OBAMA_THAT_GUY.mp3
    OBAMA_COMPLICATED.mp3
    OBAMA_FRIES.mp3

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