This Really Happened, Didn’t It?

I know I swore not to watch any of the RNC, but I had to walk down the street and take my parent’s dogs home and put them to bed (I was watching them while my folks were at the game), and when I came back my local CBS network had broken away from the Steelers game to the RNC, and I saw Dirty Harry rambling to an empty chair.

Did this really happen or did I hallucinate the whole thing? Is this what an acid flashback feels like? I almost feel obligated to put on the Grateful Dead’s Blues for Allah and go into the bathroom and stare at my face in the mirror for ten minutes while the four different cigarettes I lit in different rooms all burn out. Am I supposed to start giggling now and spend a half hour looking at my hands? I’m so fucking confused.

This is like Koyaanisqatsi meets a Klan rally.






247 replies
  1. 1
    Linda Featheringill says:

    Yeah, it happened. Strange.

    And I used to have such a crush on Rowdy Yates.

  2. 2
    Jeff Spender says:

    Somebody told me it had the effect of ending with “And get off my lawn.”

  3. 3
    lol says:

    Didn’t watch it myself but it’s been hilarious watching y’all talk about it on Twitter.

  4. 4
    Rome Again says:

    What the hell WAS that?

  5. 5
    shortstop says:

    The real victim here is Clint Eastwood! Liberals refused to pretend all was well up on that stage! Chicago-style thugs!

  6. 6
    Elizabelle says:

    Surreal to have Clint Eastwood talking about voting for a candidate without any real enthusiasm about it.

    And then I realized he was saying that about Democrats.

  7. 7
    Water balloon says:

    God I love Clint Eastwood. You have to admit, that was by far the most entertaining speech of the convention, if unintentionally.

  8. 8
    Thoughtcrime says:

    I am laughing uncontrollably at this.

    Thanks John.

  9. 9
    Jeff Spender says:

    Somebody told me it had the effect of ending with “And get off my lawn.”

  10. 10
    dr. strange says:

    Dirty Harvey.

  11. 11
    Scotty says:

    ‘If you’re gonna take some acid, don’t take the blue ones.’

  12. 12
    Mark B. says:

    Clint Eastwood sounded like he’s got early onset Alzheimer’s.

  13. 13
    Corner Stone says:

    Thank God we can escape the Spam post,
    Yes, Clint really just stumbled, squinted, stuttered and brutally fucked whatever legacy he ever had with that speech.

  14. 14
    beltane says:

    Was Arnold Schwarzenegger not available this year?

  15. 15
    jeff says:

    What the heck? Excuse my language but that was really odd.

    Anyone know what that was?

  16. 16

    There are already two parody accounts on Twitter, Eastwoods_Chair and InvisibleObama.

    I didn’t watch but I gather it was a train wreck. But some guy from Bloomberg thought it was brilliant. So there ya go.

  17. 17
    vtr says:

    I want no one to tell me what Eastwood said tonight. It just didn’t happen.

  18. 18
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    I feel bad making fun of the dumb fuck.

  19. 19
    Dennis SGMM says:

    Weepers, Cole. Put on Aoxmoxoa better. Then dig into your mp3s and play “Sugar Magnolia.” It’ll make you dance around the room.

  20. 20
    LevelB says:

    Gotta say, that was the damnedest thing I ever saw. I swear to God, Obama is the luckiest politician to ever walk the planet.

  21. 21
    shoutingattherain says:

    No, John. An acid flashback feels much more real.

  22. 22
    MikeTheZ says:

    I almost feel like I have to find a video of this after reading the twitter reactions.

  23. 23
    elaine benes says:

    Wow. That was weird and full of fail. Yet all those people ate it up.

  24. 24
    ChrisNYC says:

    Best part was the reaction shots of Ryan. Total horror behind a forced grin.

  25. 25
    guachi says:

    Three days of convention hell and drinking games was worth it for this.

    Eastwood stole all my booze. No more drinking. EMMY WORTHY!!!!

  26. 26
    maven says:

    Practicing Elder abuse. get ready. and cheer.

  27. 27
    Noah says:

    I kept thinking there was some joke I wasn’t being let in on. Was anyone actually heckling him, or was Eastwood really referring to that empty chair?

  28. 28
    vtr says:

    I want no one to tell me what Eastwood said tonight. It just didn’t happen.

  29. 29
    Paul W. says:

    It was super bizarre, and Clint was all over the place.

    Rubio is boring, and almost got booed when he spoke Spanish. Greg Sargent says Mitt has a great speech coming, I dunno if I believe that.

  30. 30
    freelancer says:

    That was insane.

  31. 31
    Spiffy says:

    I’m in the middle of watching the Kerber-Venus Williams U.S. Open match. I get a call from a friend laughing and telling me to turn it on the news. He wouldn’t tell me why.

    I turn it on and see Clint Eastwood talking to a freaking chair. I just stared dumbfounded for a few seconds then turned the channel. Was this supposed to inspire the masses to vote for Romney?

    I can only speak for my circle of friends/family, but people were either laughing at Eastwood or thinking he was early onset dementia or Alzheimer’s.

  32. 32
    muddy says:

    I like that you tucked the old P’s in first.

  33. 33
    MikeBoyScout says:

    Take our country to flashbacks?

  34. 34
    NancyDarling says:

    I only caught bits and pieces of Clint’s “speech” as I was occupied battening down hatches and hunkering down for a heavy rain and possible power outage.

    I heard an Oprah joke and a lawyer joke—both brought the house down. He needed a script writer to tighten things up and he seemed a bit doddering.

  35. 35
    beltane says:

    It’s a shame that one of our most talented filmmakers chose to close out his career in this way. Even a drunk Mel Gibson ranting about Jews would have been more coherent than this.

  36. 36
    Spectre says:

    Rubio botched his biggest line. “Let them say that we chose MORE GOVERNMENT INSTEAD OF MORE FREEDOM!”

  37. 37
    MikeBoyScout says:

    Take our country to flashbacks?

    Stoners 4 Romney!

  38. 38
    Corner Stone says:

    This fucking ass borked blog.

  39. 39
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    “Right turn, Clyde!” – all of Twitter #ClintFail

  40. 40
    magurakurin says:

    I feel like Captain America with that Koyaanisqatsi link. I got that. I got that reference. I once watched that movie tripping my brains out at the TLA on South Street in Philly. After the film ended nobody moved or made a sound for a full minute. It was very intense.

    Fuck Clint Eastwood. You’re either with us or against us I say.

  41. 41
    Corner Stone says:

    @Spectre: I know. I hate this fucking blog hamster wheel that I had to wait 5 minutes to come here and chortle about it.
    He fucked that so hard.

  42. 42
    Shawn in ShowMe says:

    Coverage of Romney’s coronation, the moment he has been waiting for all of his life will take a back seat to Eastwood’s impromptu performance of Don Quixote. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

  43. 43
    Dr. Strange says:

    Clint Eastwood IS Elwood P. Callahan in “Dirty Harvey”

  44. 44
    The Dangerman says:

    I was flipping back and forth, so I lost Clint’s train of thought (assuming it stayed on the tracks at all)…

    …but did he really imply that invisible Obama told Clint to tell Romney to go fuck himself?

    Whoever vetted that shit is in the unemployment line tonight.

  45. 45
    Chris says:

    So it really was Clint? I thought my Facebook Republican friend was pulling my leg.

    Man, that’s sad. I’d expect war-dodging sunshine patriot and TV tough guy John Wayne to do this, but I didn’t think Clint Eastwood was enough on their bandwagon to. So sad.

  46. 46
    MobiusKlein says:

    Clint Eastwood was a lousy Mayor of the city of Carmel, whose sole goal was to get permission to build a parking structure for his restaurant.

    Screw him.

  47. 47
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Corner Stone:

    This fucking ass borked blog

    John is talking about starting a new blog. Prolly cuz this one is broked as hail.

  48. 48
    Corner Stone says:

    @vtr: He did some rambling, shambling ass bullshit.
    That was whack, yo.

  49. 49
    Elizabelle says:

    TBogg on a roll:

    Politifact gives Invisible Obama Chair two invisible Pinocchios

  50. 50
    Foggy F Follansbye says:

    Rubio was much lamer than I expected.

  51. 51
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    The chair was behind him in case he fell down. Invisible Obama was to the left of him.

  52. 52
    gogol's wife says:

    I’ve taken a break from the Warren William festival to come here and see what’s happening at the convention, through the warped lens of Balloon Juice. This is hilarious! I don’t need to see it at all, I get the whole thing through you guys.

  53. 53
    dedc79 says:

    Don’t know what everyone’s talking about. Eastwood’s speech was by far the most coherent of this convention

  54. 54
    catclub says:

    well it is not early onset . He is 82.

    So was Neil Armstrong.

  55. 55
    Nellcote says:

    I’m really digging the acid-tinged echo effect on this thread.

    Dead album nom? Clearly “Workingman’s Dead”.

  56. 56
    freelancer says:

    @TBogg:
    Clint Eastwood doing Jimmy Stewart stuttering. Two-fer!

  57. 57
    PeakVT says:

    What’s the lie ratio for Mitt’s speech so far?

  58. 58
    Corner Stone says:

    ***sputter***
    Took TWO JOBS!!

  59. 59
    imonlylurking says:

    I saw an ad for his new movie (yesterday, I think? It looks horrible.) He’s just doing it for the publicity, I bet.

  60. 60
    dance around in your bones says:

    @Scotty: No, no, it’s the brown acid!

  61. 61
    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn says:

    @Corner Stone: didn’t see Clint, but the myriad of repeating posts has its own flavor of surrealism/senility.

  62. 62
    Emma says:

    @LevelB: Ain’t that the truth. The man has the baddest assed fairy godmothers ever.

  63. 63
    JoyfulA says:

    @Spiffy: Talking to chair? That’s one method of Gestalt therapy. Was he doing this for his shrink?

  64. 64
    Corner Stone says:

    And the chants of “USA! USA! USA!” when he mentioned taking more jobs for less money??
    Fuck you.

  65. 65
    mai naem says:

    @beltane: Some family values stuff he had going on. Not double wet suits and rent-a-boy stuff, more like rent-a-more than a maid.

  66. 66
    Foggy F Follansbye says:

    “Kinship with the future?”. WTF?

  67. 67
    Bostondreams says:

    Following the live blog over at Sullivan’s place, and I think he is about to have a stroke of rage.

  68. 68
    mai naem says:

    Idjit is so bad at math that he can’t figure out 9 x2 is eighteen not 22.

  69. 69
    Nellcote says:

    @Shawn in ShowMe:

    Coverage of Romney’s coronation, the moment he has been waiting for all of his life will take a back seat to Eastwood’s impromptu performance of Don Quixote.

    Maybe Eastwood’s not such a gooper after all.

    I think the chair’s left over from Trump’s canceled skit firing the fake Obama.

  70. 70
    Elizabelle says:

    Can you imagine being Mitt Romney, backstage, and watching that?

    And we thought he looked concerned over the Jersey Whale.

  71. 71
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Mitt thinks we went to the moon. Talk about gullible.

  72. 72
    Violet says:

    Are the Ron Paul delegates protesting or something? Seems like the “USA” chants were for more than just Mitt.

  73. 73
    jgaugust says:

    So far I haven’t heard a thing out of MittBot except for generic American platitudes and some lines about Neil Armstrong. Weird first 15 minutes of a speech…

  74. 74
    Spiffy says:

    Remember Clint Eastwood speaking at the RNC the next time Republicans scream bloody murder about celebrities getting involved in politics (usually only when they support Democrats).

  75. 75
    jayboat says:

    Gawd damn, he simply cannot lose the ‘speaking with the help’ demeanor.
    Is Armstrong walking around as well?
    I can’t keep up.

  76. 76
    Spectre says:

    “TBogg ‏@tbogg
    Neil Armstrong didn’t build that spaceship!”

  77. 77
    GregB says:

    Mitt Romney, believe in America, invest in the Cayman Islands, Bahamas and Switzerland.

  78. 78
    Double Nickel says:

    @jeff: Dude, it’s OK to say heck here.

  79. 79
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    Mitt:

    “When the really big things need doing, you need an American”, to wild applause.

    They’re not even pretending anymore, are they.

  80. 80
    Zifnab says:

    This is way better than the Sarah Palin speech I was expecting.

  81. 81
    Corner Stone says:

    That is fucking creepy. A rose every day? WTF?

  82. 82
    TenguPhule says:

    Did this really happen or did I hallucinate the whole thing?

    Join the club, I’ve been asking this since 2000.

  83. 83
    GregB says:

    Hillary Clinton just kicked over a fucking lamp.

  84. 84
    mai naem says:

    @MobiusKlein: He was on NBC or CNN bitching about the ADA because he was having to fix his boutique hotel to meet requirements. Just wondering how he’s going to feel in a few years when he needs those ramps.

  85. 85
    Corner Stone says:

    @Double Nickel: The fuck it is.

  86. 86
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Mitt just told the story about how they found Seamus dead when they went out to the car one morning and there was no poop on the windshield.

  87. 87
    russell says:

    OK, so this post made me want to go watch the video of Eastwood’s speech.

    About three or so minutes in, he gets into Gitmo. Why would we close Gitmo, Eastwood sez? We’ve spent so much money on it?

    “Maybe it was because somebody had the stupid idea of trying terrorists in downtown NYC”.

    I was born in NYC. People in NYC are the toughest motherfuckers on the face of the earth. *Many* terrorists have in fact been tried in NYC, and have had their due process, and are now in jail.

    The guys who planned and executed the first WTC bombing were tried in NYC, and are now in jail.

    So FUCK YOU Clint Eastwood. You can kiss my NYC-born white ass.

    Fuck you to hell.

    He’s not really Dirty Harry, he’s not really the outlaw Josie Wales, he’s not really any of those guys. He plays them in the movies, nothing more and nothing less.

    He’s a rich candy-ass California movie dude who lives in Carmel.

    And contrary to the tough-guy image, he craps in his pants at the idea of trying terrorists in NYC like every other candy-ass conservative wanna-be tough-guy.

    Fuck you Clint. I had some respect for you, now I don’t.

    Fuck you.

  88. 88
    TenguPhule says:

    “When the really big things need doing, you need an American”, to wild applause.

    So this disqualifies the Mexican Import then.

  89. 89
    chopper says:

    i still can’t get over eastwood. did he fuck that up on purpose or something? cause rubio and now mittens look like shit compared to that rambling stream-of-consciousness speech.

    it’s like he tried to reinterpret ‘Howl’ and ended up with ‘Fail’.

  90. 90
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Man, these FYWP comments are reading like a series of bad flashbacks, as well. FIX THE DAMN COMMENTS, Cole!

  91. 91
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Mark B.:
    @Spiffy:

    He’s 82 years old. It’s more like normal-onset Alzheimer’s.

    It’s a Republican tradition at this point — in retrospect, the NRA probably exploited Charlton Heston’s Alzheimer’s when they convinced him to be their spokesman. And, of course, St. Ronnie, who was showing symptoms at a minimum by the time he ran for re-election in 1984, if not before that.

  92. 92
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Corner Stone: It’s terrible. Somebody give him a chair to talk to, quick.

  93. 93
    shoutingattherain says:

    I guess Wavy Gravy had other plans tonight.

  94. 94
    TenguPhule says:

    Following the live blog over at Sullivan’s place, and I think he is about to have a stroke of rage.

    Don’t try to tempt us with false promises.

  95. 95
    FlyingToaster says:

    John@top:

    I got that, dude. Though honestly, back in grad school, I watched Koyaanisqatsi at Bears ‘way drunk, and then 5 days later stone cold sober, and the experience was EXACTLY THE SAME.

    Adding the Klan in there is just too effing real.

    Missed the #ClintFail show (was putting WarriorGirl to bed, while she wiggles tooth #2 about to fall out), along with the rest of the RNC.

    Go home and play with the critters, man. You’ll live longer.

  96. 96
    russell says:

    P.S., I quit watching right about the time I’m talking about. I got no time for anything else the man has to say.

    We live by rule of law, or we don’t. Living by rule of law right up until the time it makes us nervous don’t count.

    Piss off Clint, as it turns out you’re a candy-ass wanker just like the rest of the conservative tough guys.

  97. 97
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @russell:

    I was born in NYC. People in NYC are talk like they are the toughest motherfuckers on the face of the earth.

    FTFY (in both senses)

  98. 98
    MattR says:

    @mai naem: If Eastwood ever needs a ramp, he’ll pay to have someone else build it. Just like everyone else can.

  99. 99
    Rome Again says:

    Overheard: “Mitt Romney’s big night, and he got upstaged by an empty chair.” (stolen from a Facebook friend’s status)

  100. 100
    Foggy F Follansbye says:

    OK the Mittleeza fanfic just took a giant step up.

  101. 101
    Corner Stone says:

    I’m still wondering. Clint Eastwood: Live performance artist masterpiece, or senile old coot who needed a loan for something?

  102. 102
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @TenguPhule: It’s a continuation of the “Obama is not American” thing that’s been creeping into Mitt’s speeches lately.

  103. 103
    TenguPhule says:

    “Kinship with the future?”. WTF?

    Is that what they’re calling it in the Catholic Church these days?

  104. 104
    throwin stones says:

    @Nellcoteseconded -workingmans.

  105. 105
    Elizabelle says:

    They’re building their own Obama, ‘cuz they can’t win against the real one.

  106. 106
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Kinda hard to make the case that Obama “had almost no experience working in business” after picking Ryan as yer Veep, dumbass.

  107. 107
    Rita R. says:

    Is Romney ever going to talk about policy? I’ve really heard just about all I can take about grandpa mitt, grandma mitt, mrs. mitt, the mittlets and all their friends, family and maids.

  108. 108
    Corner Stone says:

    How was that an applause line?

  109. 109
    jgaugust says:

    Looking at this speech from a completely neutral perspective, it is absolutely terrible. There’s nothing good at all to say about it.

  110. 110
    TenguPhule says:

    They’re building their own Obama, ‘cuz they can’t win against the real one.

    I’d still bet on the straw Obama to whip the real Mitt Romney.

  111. 111
    Old Dan and Little Ann says:

    Mr. Rogers would give a more exciting speech. I fucking HATE Romney. Thank god this bullshit RNC is over tonight. I have wasted far too many brain cells paying attention so I can tell all my nut job friends and relatives I paid more attention than they did. Fuck all of them.

  112. 112
    throwin stones says:

    @throwin stones: or maybe song 6 from in the dark ;)

  113. 113
    Elizabelle says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Maybe both? It was performance art.

  114. 114
    GregB says:

    What funeral home was contracted to do Mitt’s make-up?

    He looks creepy.

  115. 115
    chopper says:

    @Corner Stone:

    if that shit was for real then that fucker’s andy kaufman good.

  116. 116

    Got put in moderation for using the P-word, but I found Clint talking to an empty chair to be kind of a pvssy move, frankly.

    Now I have Mitt telling me how great it is to take two jobs, at nine bucks an hour.

  117. 117
    askew says:

    @LevelB:

    Gotta say, that was the damnedest thing I ever saw. I swear to God, Obama is the luckiest politician to ever walk the planet.

    Obama has this ability to make his opponents lose their damn minds/self-destruct. Ryan’s sex scandal; Hillary’s Bosnia sniper story and subsequent meltdown in the basement when she refused to concede; John McCain quitting the campaign to go to DC and then melting down in 3 different debates; everything that has happened at the RNC convention so far this year.

  118. 118
    Violet says:

    I’m rewatching the Clint speech because I’d only listened to it from the kitchen before. It’s a thing of beauty. Amazing. The empty chair is priceless.

    So Clint’s ripped going to Afghanistan in the first place–that was Bush’s gig, a Republican, but who needs to remember history. Then he says we don’t need an attorney in the White House. Mitt is an attorney, as one of his friends illustrated with the story of Mitt writing the will for their dying son.

    Clint has to be an undercover Democrat.

  119. 119
    Comrade Mary says:

    Did this really happen or did I hallucinate the whole thing? Is this what an acid flashback feels like? I almost feel obligated to put on the Grateful Dead’s Blues for Allah and go into the bathroom and stare at my face in the mirror for ten minutes while the four different cigarettes I lit in different rooms all burn out. Am I supposed to start giggling now and spend a half hour looking at my hands? I’m so fucking confused.
    __
    This is like Koyaanisqatsi meets a Klan rally.

    Awe-fucking-some, John.

    I was really coming over here to offer this greeting from Tunch’s Japanese cousins, but given what I’ve read, it pales in comparison to Eastwood’s speech and everyone’s reactions.

  120. 120
    tam says:

    He’s a rich candy-ass California movie dude who lives in Carmel.

    I know the funnest thing in the world is crapping on California, but the majority of we candy-ass California movie people believe that guys who plan terrorist acts in America should be tried in America.

    And as a fellow born and bred New Yorker, the idea that we are the “toughest” is ego-stroking bullshit. People all over are plenty tough.

  121. 121
    Ann Rynd says:

    I see white people.

  122. 122
    Nellcote says:

    @Corner Stone:

    or senile old coot who needed a loan for something?

    or new movie opening in 3 weeks? or promo for wife’s “reality” show?

  123. 123
    Captain C says:

    This is like Koyaanisqatsi meets a Klan rally.

    That may win the Internets for today.

  124. 124
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @GregB:

    What funeral home was contracted to do Mitt’s make-up

    The same one that lost Clint’s body.

  125. 125
    mai naem says:

    They need to leave Jimmy Carter the fvck alone. I am so fvcking sick and tired of Jimmy Carter being their all around punching bag for presidentialing. Jimmy Carter has more smarts and more plain humanity in his little finger than all of Mitt Romney’s and Ann Davies’ extended families. Paula Deen had Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter on and she called him the greatest humanitarian walking the earth today. It was very sweet.

  126. 126
    jgaugust says:

    This is maybe my favorite story so far from this entire week.

    http://www.hollywoodreporter.c.....ion-367022

  127. 127
    russell says:

    FTFY (in both senses)

    Whatever, dude. Although I’m less than clear on what the second “sense” is.

    But the pre-eminence of NY toughness is not actually essential to my point.

    Here’s my point.

    We don’t need Gitmo to save us from trying terrorists in downtown NYC.

    We don’t need Gitmo to save us from trying terrorists anywhere we want to try them.

    The only reason we need Gitmo is to give us a way to fuck people over outside the reach of the law.

    We’ve tried numerous real, live terrorists, right in downtown NYC, and lived to tell the tale.

    Folks that think we need to offshore the due process of terrorists are, In My Very Humble Opinion, piss ants.

    They are cowards.

    So, as mentioned upthread, fuck Clint Eastwood and his tough-guy persona. He’s a coward just like the rest of them.

    And I am correspondingly less than interested in whatever the hell else he had to say.

    My two cents.

    Have a nice day.

  128. 128
    dance around in your bones says:

    Romney’s saying ‘What America needs is jobs’ – and if he’s President, he’ll vulture-suck all the jobs he possibly can and give himself and his cronies huge bonuses.

    What funeral home was contracted to do Mitt’s make-up?

    Heh, GregB, that was funny.

  129. 129
    Anya says:

    When republicans say crap like: “No other country has optimism. It is uniquely American,” do they actually believe Americans will think “people in other nations are really pessimistic and generally hopeless. Only Americans know optimism. It’s true.” Seriously?

  130. 130
    Nellcote says:

    What are the odds of PBO getting a polling bounce from the RNC?

  131. 131
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    The Republican convention started out with the blubbering Jersey Whale and ended with the rambling Josey Wales.

  132. 132
    Violet says:

    I rewatched the entire Clint speech, then fast forwarded and Mitt is STILL talking and then says, “We have a five step plant”. FIVE steps? I’m already asleep, dude. Ugh.

  133. 133
    TenguPhule says:

    Well if you were taking a drink after every time Romney lied in his speech, you’re on your way to the emergency room now.

    Catching it on the tv now and my blood pressure is going up.

  134. 134
    Spiffy says:

    Eastwood wants a tax break so his lazy dumbass spawn can burn more $1,000 purses and call it “art.”

    Eastwood has 7 kids with 5 women; has cheated on previous spouses, and if books are to believed, has physically abused them as well and forced them to get abortions – if a celebrity with that background spoke out for Obama, the Republicans would be screaming bloody murder.

  135. 135
    magurakurin says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Major Strasser: Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?

    Rick: It’s not particularly my beloved Paris.

    Heinz: Can you imagine us in London?

    Rick: When you get there, ask me!

    Captain Renault: Hmmh! Diplomatist!

    Major Strasser: How about New York?

    Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn’t advise you to try to invade

  136. 136
    Doggie D says:

    A very observable behavioral divergence is seen when a, let us say it, white male, obtains his money from Hollywood or a sister institution. They either go Berserk [Mel Gibson; Charlie Sheen] or go submissive [The Male Cast of the Television Show ‘Friends’; Ted Danson; John Cole].

    Clint Eastwood, I am sorry to say, falls into the latter category. From a Point to a Line, from Dirty Harry to Grand Torino, we choose our paths.

    This is why it is best to avoid, as best as one can, all contact with these people until things blow over. It is best to be neither Berserk, nor submissive. It is best to simply observe, be wise, and do many push-ups.

  137. 137
    rikyrah says:

    Did this really happen or did I hallucinate the whole thing? Is this what an acid flashback feels like

    BWA HA HA HA HA AH HA

  138. 138
    Rita R. says:

    When is this going to end??? I’m positive he went over time on purpose to get people tuning in for the 11 p.m. news.

  139. 139
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Violet:

    FIVE steps?

    It was 59 steps when he was fighting in the primary.

  140. 140
    trollhattan says:

    Clint: “Yew kids, get offa my wife.”

  141. 141
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    do they actually believe Americans will think “people in other nations are really pessimistic and generally hopeless. Only Americans know optimism. It’s true.”

    Yes. Since that’s the picture these goobers have always painted of Europe – like the dingy ever-winter pictures you’d get of Moscow all the time on the news back in the 70s.

  142. 142
    MikeJ says:

    @Anya: No, they think Americans are stupid enough to believe it.

  143. 143
    rammalamadingdong says:

    You step away from your computer and you come back and find Eastwood talking to a chair. I cannot stop laughing.

  144. 144
    Linda says:

    I didn’t see it, but when the freaks on free republic think it’s “lame,” it’s the kiss of death. Now the whole acid trip thing looks lucid in comparison.

  145. 145
    trollhattan says:

    Willard linking dead soldiers to the economy. Sounds about par for the course.

  146. 146
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    The really sad part is everyone in America is silently screaming for Mitt to finish his damn speech so we can see the talking heads weigh in on Clint Trainwreck.

  147. 147
    russell says:

    the majority of we candy-ass California movie people believe that guys who plan terrorist acts in America should be tried in America.

    And as a fellow born and bred New Yorker, the idea that we are the “toughest” is ego-stroking bullshit. People all over are plenty tough.

    Fine with me.

    My point was not that all Californians are candy-ass, it was that Clint was candy-ass.

    And not to make a big machismo issue out of it, it’s just a matter of whether you walk your walk, or not.

    You believe in the rule of law, or you don’t. If you toss it out the window when it’s inconvenient, that puts you in the “don’t” column.

    And, to reiterate, not you personally, but Clint and folks like him.

    I don’t live in NY anymore, I’ve been in New England for 30 years, and in Philly before that. Every place has it’s own vibe, and people everywhere are plenty tough, resilient, and resourceful.

    My overall point is simply that the residents of NYC have demonstrated themselves more than capable of dealing with trying terrorists in downtown NY.

    We (NY’ers or any of us) don’t need Gitmo to keep us safe.

    Peace out.

  148. 148
    Old Dan and Little Ann says:

    I love the constellation of rights.

  149. 149
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @PeakVT:

    There’s a ratio?

  150. 150

    Mitt Lolameney…what a snoozer

  151. 151
    trollhattan says:

    I soooo want zombie James Brown to come kick Willard’s ass right now.

  152. 152
    maya says:

    @Rita R.: Yeah, screw NOLA.

  153. 153
    urlhix says:

    Wow, that was really flat and uninspiring.

  154. 154
    GregB says:

    Mitt was looking decidedly Sam the Eagle-ish tonight.

  155. 155
    Delia says:

    Well, I’m just glad I had that boyfriend back in 2002 who dragged me to the Koyaanisqatsi revival in Hollywood, so I’d know what John was talking about. Otherwise this evening would be a total waste, what with watching the Romneybot lie through his teeth for hours on end. The Japanese are doing much more realistic skin tones these days, but now that he’s finished I must say, he doesn’t look so good from the profile view.

  156. 156
    trollhattan says:

    Grandkids as stage props. Now there’s a refreshing innovation.

  157. 157
  158. 158
    jgaugust says:

    Hey, guess what folks….IT’S OVER!!! On to a real party next week where we hear real ideas…

  159. 159
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    It’s over! Yay!!

  160. 160
    mai naem says:

    I cannot believe the Republicans just nominated Willard Mitt Romney. You just have to see this to believe it. A Mormon, job outsourcer with a daddy who marched with MLK who was unethical with his taxes and won’t release his taxes and put into place an earlier version of Obamacare. Wow. Just Wow. I can’t even think about who the Democrats could ever nominate to be equal to this.

  161. 161
    jwb says:

    @Doggie D: Pushups were a nice touch. Reminded me of something old BOB would say.

  162. 162
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @trollhattan:

    Grandkids as stage props. Now there’s a refreshing innovation.

    Mitt was trying really hard to emotionally connect with them.

  163. 163
    Violet says:

    Tom Brokaw is talking about Clint Eastwood overshadowing everyone else tonight, including Romney. If Brokaw says it, it’s Villager conventional wisdom.

  164. 164
    Anya says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist: @MikeJ: As someone who spend most of her childhood in Canada and travels a lot, I find this really annoying. I’ve discovered at a young age that there are actually more things people have in common with each other, than they have differences. Fuck these chauvinistic assholes.

  165. 165
    Boudica says:

    Any one else bothered by the weird lip-smacking as Romney talked?

  166. 166
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    FTFY – Fuck the Fucking Yankees.

  167. 167
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @Delia:

    If you watch Mitt’s presidential entrance to the hall, it looks like some Photoshopped his head onto his body. I was eating dinner and damned near choked laughing at it. His head looked too large in proportion to his body while he was moving briskly, making it look like his head wasn’t quite tracking with his body.

    Too late for a hardware upgrade for MittBot…lol!

  168. 168
    Shawn in ShowMe says:

    I have a plan to create 12 million new jobs. There are five steps to it 1)Drill baby, drill 2)School vouchers 3) More free trade agreements 4)Austerity 5)Repeal RomneyCare, er I mean ObamaCare.

    Wow, I guess Santorum, Bachmann and Newt also had a plan to create 12 million jobs because they had the same damn plan.

  169. 169
    Ash Can says:

    And now Obama will get up on his podium next week and show everyone how this speechifying shit is REALLY done.

  170. 170
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Word is coming out of the convention that Mitt connected with the wooden chair.

  171. 171
    trollhattan says:

    @Ash Can:
    But, but, but, teleprompter!

    Yeah, any pulse higher than 80 indicates a win.

  172. 172
    salacious crumb says:

    well that’s the point isn’t it? The Republicans have been talking to shadows and reacting to fantasies, so Clint doing so was no different. They imagine what life would be like without taxes, gays, blacks, womens rights etc….and if reality comes crashing through, they create their own fantasy world.

  173. 173
    MCA1 says:

    I haven’t seen it yet, but are we really sure it was Clint Eastwood, and not Joaquin Phoenix as Clint Eastwood?

    I haven’t had this much fun reading a Balloon Juice thread since that night we were all coming up with alternate titles for the Palin autobiography movie.

  174. 174
    GregB says:

    Wooden Chair/Ryan 2012.

  175. 175

    lmao!!! hahah Boehner is as red as the background!!!

    hahah

  176. 176
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Which one of the Obama campaign people is tasked with coming up with the chair prop for next week? There is NO WAY they won’t get a bit out of that.

  177. 177
    chopper says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    well they are made out of the same stuff.

  178. 178
    TenguPhule says:

    Word is coming out of the convention that Mitt connected with the wooden chair.

    The Furniture polled complained Romney was too stiff and lifeless. They want to see more of the chair.

  179. 179
    Poopyman says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    Word is coming out of the convention that Mitt connected with the wooden chair.

    At the forehead? (He asked hopefully.)

  180. 180
    Elizabelle says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Maybe Joe Biden can school the empty chair.

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: Blubbering Jersey Whale to rambling Josey Wales. So true.

  181. 181
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: You’re on fire tonight. That must be some good ‘shine you’re drinking.

  182. 182
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    lolz, they are saying Clint was adlibbing and otherwise running from it.

    This is Clint adlibbing: “I pooped myself. Nurrrrrrse!”

  183. 183
    Dream On says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: Too funny, too awesome, you win.

  184. 184
    TenguPhule says:

    I have a plan to create 12 million new jobs.

    Mine goes like this

    1. Fire All Republicans in Government
    2. Hire Competent People to replace them

  185. 185
    Anya says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: But invisible Obama kicked his ass.

  186. 186
    Spiffy says:

    @Violet:

    The most interesting thing is that even Village Idiot Brokaw thought Eastwood was embarrassing out there.

  187. 187
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    ‘When they lost that $22.00 an hour job they went out and got two $9.00 an hour jobs because Americans work that hard!’

    Only Mitt would would attempt to make losing one job and having to get two jobs, whose combined pay is less than the one job they had, a good thing. No Mitt, you wiped out their company and jobs and are now asking them to forget that and vote for you.

    Sadly, some will.

  188. 188
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Mitt could put 12 million people to work right now trying to explain Clint away.

  189. 189
    Violet says:

    @MCA1: I remember that thread. And then Krugman used my suggestion: Mooseferatu. I still get a kick out of that. Paul Krugman read my comment!

  190. 190
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:

    ‘When they lost that $22.00 an hour job they went out and got two $9.00 an hour jobs because Americans work that hard!’

    He didn’t really say that, did he? That’s not quite as bad as Bush’s comment about the woman working three jobs to make ends meet, but it’s pretty damned close.

  191. 191
    NancyDarling says:

    I just want to add that Eastwood has made some damn fine movies and at least he didn’t wet himself. Although Marco did come on and say he was drinking Clint’s water. What does that mean?

  192. 192
    Walker says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:

    ‘When they lost that $22.00 an hour job they went out and got two $9.00 an hour jobs because Americans work that hard!’

    That is going to look so good in an Obama commercial. What idiot speech writer thought that was an intelligent thing to say?

  193. 193
    Corner Stone says:

    @Judas Escargot, Acerbic Prophet of the Mighty Potato God:

    Now I have Mitt telling me how great it is to take two jobs, at nine bucks an hour.

    And the audience fucking started cheering it! Like that was the balls!

  194. 194
    Violet says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Yes, he reallly said that. Only in Mitt’s world would losing a $22.50/hr plus benefits (yes, he said benefits) job and replacing it with two $9/hr jobs would be a good thing. It’s like he was describing what he’s done to the American worker as if it’s a good thing. Insane.

  195. 195
    trollhattan says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:
    Can they work those simultaneously? Eighteen an hour is at least above poverty level.

    Also, too, in fake football, third-string Seahawks kicking seventh-string Raiders asses. I’m learning so very much.

  196. 196
    Corner Stone says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: No, he really…actually…said that when people lost their jobs they were studs to get TWO jobs making less many in the aggregate.
    Lose that $22 an hour job when we outsources your ass? Grab two $9 an hour jobs!
    BECAUSE YOU’RE AN AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALIST!!

  197. 197
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Grab two $9 an hour jobs!

    At Staples, right?

  198. 198
    Suffern Ace says:

    @Shawn in ShowMe: Does not add up to twelve.

  199. 199
    Culture of Truth says:

    Kelly O’Donnell, just now:

    “It was one of those crazy nights”

  200. 200
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    I’m hearing from my sources inside the Romney campaign that it was originally supposed to be Michelle Bachmann talking to a piece of furniture.

  201. 201
    Shawn in ShowMe says:

    The talking heads are discussing how Mitt came across but on Twitter, Yahoo News and Google News it’s all about Eastwood. Sorry Rachel, Chris et al, only political junkies care about your analysis tonight.

  202. 202
    Spiffy says:

    Romney can go fuck off if he actually said that about having two $9 an hour jobs is “great.”

    This just goes to show the rarefied air Romney breathes. He can’t honestly think this is going to go over well with the public.

  203. 203
    Chris says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    I swore I wouldn’t watch anything from this clown show, and I went and read Mittens’ speech anyway. Yes, he really did say that. And to reiterate something I said earlier today, yes, I fucking hate the guy, and each and every one of those clowns who votes for him. Individually and personally.

    Sorry. Had to get that out of the system. Back to normal…

  204. 204
    Comrade Mary says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Actually, that’s worse. WAY worse. (That is, if he was talking about the people Bain threw out of their jobs. If he was talking about the economic slowdown in general, it’s just as bad for the sheer gall and innumeracy alone.)

  205. 205
    Delia says:

    @Violet:

    Only in Mitt’s world would losing a $22.50/hr plus benefits (yes, he said benefits) job and replacing it with two $9/hr jobs would be a good thing. It’s like he was describing what he’s done to the American worker as if it’s a good thing. Insane.

    Bush did one of those once. He had some poor woman onstage who was working about three jobs to take care of her family and he bragged about how great it was that Americans worked that hard.

  206. 206

    They didn’t switch from the Raiders-Seahawks game so I didn’t see Eastwood. I was kind of hoping that the secret speaker was Gallagher, though.

  207. 207

    They didn’t switch from the Raiders-Seahawks game so I didn’t see Eastwood. I was kind of hoping that the secret speaker was Gallagher, though.

  208. 208
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Funny, none of those asshats on stage tonight were volunteering to take those $9 hour jobs. Fuckers.

  209. 209
    Corner Stone says:

    Whoever booked Chris Christie AND Clint Eastwood?
    That person should have at least a 20 second head start getting the fuck out of town.

  210. 210
    Corner Stone says:

    Man, I passed out at certain points tonight. And I did not come even close to what Clint threw down.

  211. 211
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Whoever booked Chris Christie AND Clint Eastwood?

    That person is not loved or respected.

  212. 212
    Spiffy says:

    I’m glad the Repubs had their convention first. Now Obama and the Dems know what NOT to do.

  213. 213
    Cacti says:

    @Walker:

    That is going to look so good in an Obama commercial. What idiot speech writer thought that was an intelligent thing to say?

    Didn’t Mitt write his own speech tonight?

  214. 214
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    So, if the Obama campaign really wants to win, they’ll just put a big screen up on stage and rerun the Republican convention, while they have popcorn.

  215. 215
    Donald G says:

    So, UNLIMITED CORPORATE CASH buys you a demented Clint Eastwood and a chair. That’s good to know.

  216. 216
    Corner Stone says:

    @Spiffy: You mean not invite Christie or Eastwood to speak? I’m pretty sure they had that.

    But this begs the question. What kooky bitch of a “liberal” Hollywood persona could they invite to bone the fucking place up like Clint did?

  217. 217
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Corner Stone:

    What kooky bitch of a “liberal” Hollywood persona could they invite to bone the fucking place up like Clint did?

    Any of them, duh.

  218. 218
    Corner Stone says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: IMO they should do a one night convention. Keep it to solid pols, no Bill Clinton, no noms looking forward to 2016, no kooky ass Hollywood personalities.
    Just let Biden ramble a bit. Then let Obama come on, make fun of Biden a bit, then LAY THE SMACK DOWN.
    Wrap this up nice and tight.

  219. 219
    cbear says:

    @Corner Stone: @Just Some Fuckhead:

    Whoever booked Chris Christie AND Clint Eastwood?

    Reince Priebus?
    Here’s Clint and that poor bastard in happier times.

  220. 220
    throwin stones says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: American Dream!

  221. 221
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    The idiots on MSNBC are marveling that Romney made a case for the equal rights of women using his mother’s run for the Senate as an example.

    Ya know, instead of asking why this even fucking has to be brought up at a Republican convention.

  222. 222
    Caz says:

    Your post doesn’t even make any sense. What’s so insanely weird and off the wall about anything at the RNC? Or is it just that you hadn’t had your daily drama queen outburst yet, so all your BJ readers get to hear it in a blog post?

    The whole week has been a run-of-the-mill political convention, with boring and mundane speeches, typical and unsurprising speakers, no surprises whatsoever. Oh wait, Clint Eastwood spoke, which is only surprising in the fact that he’s an actor and 99% of actors are liberals. I think Kelsey Grammar and Eastwood may be the only ones out there on the left coast.

    Hopefully, most of the country is not as usefully idiotic as you and your BJ crew, so that the lesser of two bad candidates wins in November. I’m not expecting Mitt to fix everything, but I think he can at least stop the bleeding, or maybe slow it down. Which would be a huge improvement over the bloodletting spree that Obama has had us on for the last 4 years.

    You do realize our national debt went from $9 trillion to $16 trillion during his term, right??

    And we’re still running $1 trillion deficits every single year.

    What exactly do you tell yourself to justify this kind of insane conduct and out-of-control spending? At what point do you start saying that Bush is not responsible and that the spending spree is no longer necessary to clean up Bush’s mess?

    I thought a smart guy like you would figure it out after a while, but you’re either not as smart as I thought or far more gullible than I thought. They say jump, you say how high. This is politics and the welfare of our nation, not religion and emotional investment where you can just have faith and support your beloved in the face of total failure and corruption. Sad and pathetic.

    And spare me the troll comments, retards, I get it already.

  223. 223
    dance around in your bones says:

    This has been a MOST entertaining thread. I swear, I don’t know what I would do without the Balloon Juice filter. Watching that fail-show whilst reading the comments here…..priceless.

    Caz – just go somewhere else. Please.

  224. 224
    Thoughtcrime says:

    Empty suit upstaged by empty chair.

  225. 225
    mapaghimagsik says:

    They’re cheering because they suck at math?

  226. 226
    Mike in NC says:

    @Caz: Past your bedtime, Spaz. Cry on your fucking pillow.

  227. 227
    JustRuss says:

    @Corner Stone:

    What kooky bitch of a “liberal” Hollywood persona could they invite to bone the fucking place up like Clint did?

    I think Samuel L Jackson and a chair could be bloody epic

  228. 228
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Those were the dollar amounts and he was emphasizing that no matter the problem, Americans roll up their sleeves and get to work.

    Even if they have to get two jobs to almost replace the one he took from them.

  229. 229
    Nellcote says:

    @trollhattan:

    I soooo want zombie James Brown to come kick Willard’s ass right now.

    worth repeating.

  230. 230
    YellowJournalism says:

    That couldn’t have been more embarrassing even if Eastwood had walked onstage shirtless next to an orangutan.

  231. 231
    Corner Stone says:

    @JustRuss: O.M.G. Samuel L. would kick that empty chair’s ass so hard it wouldn’t even know which corner to go to and fall apart.
    “Say it again! I dare you!”

  232. 232
    RadioOne says:

    I want to preface this by saying that Clint Eastwood is the greatest vocal conservative actor/director’s of all time. He was better than John Wayne in making movies that were exciting and relevant to American culture during the spaghetti western era, and continued to remain relevant well into the 1990s.

    Tonight was uncomfortable and embarrassing. There are people at the RNC now saying that tonight was so bad that they think Eastwood is a Hollywood liberal shill who sold the Romney campaign a bag of goods, only to screw them over. Despite the fact he’s been a Republican for ages.

  233. 233
    jgaugust says:

    Obama campaign response to Clint Eastwood:

    http://twitter.com/BarackObama.....to/1/large

    Phenomenal.

  234. 234
    Milliegogo says:

    Counting on an 82 year old to jazz up your convention probably seemed like the bee’s knees when it was first suggested….by John McCain.

  235. 235
    g says:

    Honestly, the Eastwood speech was so fucked up I was actually expecting him to end it by saying, “Hey, Republicans, fuck you! I was fucking with you! Vote for Barack Obama!”

  236. 236
    Steeplejack says:

    @Nellcote:

    LOL. I was thinking this myself.

  237. 237
    Steeplejack says:

    @Corner Stone:

    And make sure at the end he “drops the mic,” as the yoots would say.

  238. 238
    Yutsano says:

    @Mike in NC: Cut the per thang some slack. He’s losing and he knows it, so he’s trying to suppress whatever enthusiasm we have. That is Willard’s only hope.

  239. 239
    rb says:

    @Old Dan and Little Ann: Fred Rogers was a damn fine speaker, actually. Otherwise I agree with you.

  240. 240
    TenguPhule says:

    . What’s so insanely weird and off the wall about anything at the RNC?

    ‘When they lost that $22.00 an hour job they went out and got two $9.00 an hour jobs because Americans work that hard!’

    Mitt Just let the Fat Lady Sing through him.

    You do realize our national debt went from $9 trillion to $16 trillion during his term, right??

    You do realize all it came from problems caused by Republicans, right?

  241. 241
    TenguPhule says:

    At what point do you start saying that Bush is not responsible and that the spending spree is no longer necessary to clean up Bush’s mess?

    When Bush is actually no longer responsible and we finally clean up his mess. Which looks to be at least another 20 years provided we can keep Republicans away from the shiny red buttons. Otherwise, never.

  242. 242
    Another Halocene Human says:

    @Spectre: I wouldn’t say “botched” exactly, more of a slip of the mask.

  243. 243
    Rome Again says:

    @Judas Escargot, Acerbic Prophet of the Mighty Potato God:

    I thought and said the same thing and I got put in moderation too. I don’t see where the post got approved. I didn’t know that referring to a young kitty was verboten around here.

    It was a pvssy move. I totally agree. Who would have thought Dirty Harry would ever sink to this level?

  244. 244
    gelfling545 says:

    @Mark B.: I think it’s too late to be early.

  245. 245
    mak says:

    @Boudica:
    You are not alone. Sounded like my Aunt Gert’s dentures.

  246. 246
    sparrow says:

    @Anya: They have the advantage of knowing most Americans (and especially the mouth-breather tea-bagger sort) have never been to another country.

  247. 247
    DaddyJ says:

    Urg. I could only watch half of Eastwood’s speech. Sad and embarrassing more than any thing else.

    This obsession the Republicans of putting words in Obama’s mouth; attributing thoughts to him that there’s no evidence he has — what is up with that? Would they do that with any other Democrat? Carry on an imaginary smack down with him on Prime Time TV? It’s sick.

    On substance, what were Eastwood’s issues? That Obama didn’t do enough for the unemployed? Yeah, he listenened too much to Wall Street, Clint. That Obama didn’t pull us out of Afghanistan soon enough? Really? Is that the Republican position now? That we’re now too cowardly to obey the rule of law and hold trials in New York City?

    That’s the point at which I bailed. Just too sad.

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