Lady-Parts Diagram and Open Thread

This is hilarious.

Also sad because Todd Akin is on the House Committee for Science, Space, and Technology, yet he gets his information on how lady-business works from an information sheet he saw in the bathroom at Chick-Fil-A that one time:


You’re welcome.

(h/t @balthan)

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59 replies
  1. 1
    scav says:

    OT but rhymes in a twisted rhetorical way. The new robber barons: how taxpayers subsidise CEOs’ multimillion salaries. Lots of cute little details:

    Oracle took advantage of a 1993 loophole in tax law to designate $76m of Ellison’s income as “performance-related pay”, which allowed him to avoid paying any taxes on the money.
    Dozens of US CEOs have cashed in on this major tax incentive at an estimated cost to US taxpayers of $9.7bn last year.

    some companies paid their CEOs more money than they paid in taxes. Take Aubrey McClendon, CEO of Oklahoma-based Chesapeake Energy, who was paid $17.9m in 2011, while his company gave Uncle Sam just $13m on sales of $11.64bn. [The Institute for Policy Studies found that 26 of the 100 highest-paid US CEOs took home more in pay than their companies paid in federal income taxes.]

    Another scam that CEOs pull on the taxpayer is called “deferred compensation”. The way that works is simple – most taxpayers are expected to pay 35% of their income in taxes the year they earn it. But a CEO does not have to pay the tax until they claim the cash which can be earning interest in the mean time.

    ETA, ahh, whew, it’s open.

  2. 2
    Violet says:

    That is funny. Where are the “secretions” hidden?

  3. 3
    Chyron HR says:


    Cayman Islands.

  4. 4
    red dog says:

    So glad that Clair McCaskil PAC gave money to Akin’s primary campaign to ensure she could run against this wingnut Teabagger instead of some nominal GOPer. Checker vs chess!!

  5. 5
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    I went and saw Paranorman this weekend. Good movie: I liked it better than the adaptation of Coraline.

    Spoiler, but not really that much of an influence on the movie: The Jock is gay. You don’t find this out until the end of the movie, but the way they drop it in was pretty funny.

  6. 6
    LanceThruster says:

    Was it Carlin who said, “Why is it you can rent the womb, but not the access way.” ?

  7. 7
    LanceThruster says:


    In an undisclosed location.

  8. 8
    Hill Dweller says:

    I see Willard released another blatantly false welfare ad today, citing the Richmond Times-Dispatch, while omitting the fact the paper itself has now refuted their own op-ed.

    At what point, if ever, does the media start hammering him for his blatant lying and hypocrisy?

  9. 9
    Allan says:

    @Violet: In quiet rooms.

  10. 10
    satch says:

    Two things here: 1: While this may be the stupidest thing uttered by a Republican this week (and it’s only Monday), it can’t be the ONLY stupid thing this guy has ever said… and yet he’s leading in the Missouruh polls. WTF is it with Missouruh??? 2: It always irritates me when I see pro-choicers trying to carve out exemptions for rape, incest, or the health of the mother, because when you do that, you validate the pro-life position that personhood begins at conception. I would like to see a pro choice position based unequivocally on the proposition that a blastocyst is not a person, so that up to the point of viability outside the womb, a woman may make any decision she thinks is best for her, and after that, THEN we can start talking about exemptions for the health of the mother.

  11. 11
    The Dangerman says:

    @Hill Dweller:

    At what point, if ever, does the media start hammering him for his blatant lying and hypocrisy?

    Would that be the same media that is getting paid $$$ to run these lies?

  12. 12
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    It’s not a “romance area”.

    It’s a “recreation area”. Let’s get serious here. Romance is not on the minds, ever, of scum like Akin. Their own gratification is all that ever concerns them.

  13. 13
    Robin G. says:

    You know, looking at the GOP Outrage Brigade this morning, I’m actually worried that Akin has single-handedly moved the Overton Window about six steps to the right. “I want to ban abortion in everything but demonstrable rape and make contraception illegal and generally blame women for everything under the sun, but I don’t believe in a magical vaginal spermicide secreted during violent rape!” suddenly counts as Moderate On Women’s Rights.

  14. 14
    El Cid says:

    Remember, the right / patriarchalist guilds have long been arguing (even outside the subject of abortion) that there are all these charges of rape which aren’t really “rape”, you know, “rape rape”, where a leering figure drags an angelic blond upper middle class teen into an alley and holds a knife to her throat and rapes her while she spots the steeple of a church in the distance and all the rest of some bad conservative script.

    The evil anti-man feminists have created all sorts of ‘rape’ charges like ‘date rape’ which isn’t real rape, and also they figger that most of the time rape charges come from slutty women who liked the sex but the next day got up and regretted their wantonness so then they charge rape to cover it all up.

    The fetus-fetishists then ran with this to distinguish between “forcible” rape and wanton sluts just wanting to kill their babies to cover up their lack of morality and discipline or forgetting to bring an aspirin to hold between their knees.

  15. 15
    Cassidy says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: To be fair, romance isn’t on the mind of the majority of the people trying to get into the recreation area.

  16. 16
    SenyorDave says:

    @scav: Tax fairness should be a huge part of Obama’s campaign, but it seems that it won’t be. The idea that shitabgs like Romney pay a considerably lower tax rate than my wife and I do is inexecusable. This should be constantly brought up. I want to see Obama talk about overhauling the tax code.

  17. 17
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @SenyorDave: Why would you start the tax fairness stuff in August? We have two full months to go before the election.

  18. 18
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    @El Cid: yep, it’s not “rapey” enough to the wingnutters if the victim has a) had sex outside of opposite-marriage; b) thought about sex outside of opposite-marriage, because by contemplating the idea.

    Curiously, those people seem to enjoy describing in gruesome detail just what kind of rapes they consider sufficiently rapey.

  19. 19
    Hill Dweller says:

    @SenyorDave: Obama has repeatedly pointed out Ryan’s plan would make Willard’s tax rate less the 1%. He also tells the audience that they will be the ones who have to pay for Willard’s tax cut.

  20. 20
    Soonergrunt says:

    Chaff and flares.
    That’s worth a “haha!” and a grin.

  21. 21
    dance around in your bones says:

    Mitt Romney this morning called Akin’s comments “inexcusable” and “wrong,” but stopped short of calling for his resignation.

    Well, of course he dinnit ! Can’t take an actual position, fer Pete’s sake! He’s running for office !

  22. 22
    sharl says:

    This is an hilarious tragicomic image.

  23. 23
  24. 24

    Aaaand it’s time for Todd Akin to say goodnight:

    The conservative outside-spending powerhouse Crossroads GPS is pulling its ads from the Missouri Senate race, three sources confirmed to POLITICO.
    The group had originally booked a new round of ads to start Wednesday but began canceling them earlier today. The decision comes in the wake of comments by Missouri Rep. and GOP Senate nominee Todd Akin questioning how often women can get pregnant from “legitimate rape.”
    Contacted about the decision to withdraw its resources from Missouri, Crossroads spokesman Nate Hodson responded: “The act speaks for itself.”

  25. 25


    Because “SOCIALISM” and “REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH” and argle bargle, that’s why

  26. 26
    TenguPhule says:

    How many women has Todd Akin raped? It would be rude not to speculate.

  27. 27
    hilzoy says:

    I made one of those diagrams once. Mine had balrogs.

  28. 28
    Paul in KY says:

    @Robin G.: Damn, that’s a bummer if true.

  29. 29
    JWL says:

    I did not give Akin’s history a bit of thought yesterday after he spouted off. I assumed.. well, I assumed nothing. That he is the republican senatorial nominee in Missouri is all I understood.

    So the news that he’s already in Congress comes as a bit of a shock. It shouldn’t, I suppose. But it does.

  30. 30
    Face says:

    I think y’all, and the nation in general, is going to be in for a rather serious pearl-clutching when the first poll is taken post-Akin meltdown and he’s still 3-4 points ahead. At that point it’s going to become crystal clear that nobody on the GOP side gives a fuck about women, that GOP women dont care enough to vote their best interests, and that the GOP brand isn’t toxic at all in many of the southern midwest states, especially Missouri.

  31. 31
    celticdragonchick says:


    Over at LGF, lot’s of news on this front:

    Karl Rove’s superpac is dropping all ad support for Akins, and The RNC has given Akin an ultimatum to get out of the race.

    The GOP is dropping him like a hot potato. He is finished.

  32. 32
    Linda Featheringill says:

    @JWL: #29

    So the news that he’s already in Congress

    Can he run for both the Senate and the House at the same time? Did he give up his House seat for the Senate race?

  33. 33
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @celticdragonchick: Yeah, that’s the shovelful of dirt on the coffin. Anyone know how the MO GOP will pick his replacement? I’m sure they want Steelman, but I think I saw on TV earlier today that she actually came in third in the primary.

  34. 34
    Calouste says:

    @Southern Beale:

    Wasn’t there a quote yesterday about Missouri GOP consultants “They’re not worrying, they’re conceding.”

  35. 35
    Soonergrunt says:

    @TenguPhule: He would suggest to you that it was never “legitimate” rape because he’s just that good.

  36. 36
    Calouste says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    Probably he can’t run for House and Senate at the same time. There is usually an exception for running for Prez/VP and House or Senate at the same time, but I don’t think running for two seats is otherwise allowed.

  37. 37
    jwb says:

    @celticdragonchick: Yes, Akins is losing all his funding. Now it’s just a question of how stubborn and stupid he actually is.

  38. 38
    El Cid says:

    Family Research Council weighs in, not sure if he’s right or wrong about that biological rape-protection device installed in women, tells other Republicans criticizing Akin to STFU.

    TAMPA -– The head of the Family Research Council’s political action committee Monday said the group supports Rep. Todd Akin “fully and completely” and urged fellow Republicans to find “backbone” to support the embattled Missouri Senate candidate.
    Akin, under fire for comments indicating that pregnancies rarely result from “legitimate rape”, is now the victim of “gotcha” politics, said Connie Mackey, who heads up the political action committee of the conservative organization.
    “He has been elected five times in that community in Missouri. They know who Todd Akin is. We know who Todd Akin is. We’ve worked with him up on the Hill. He’s a defender of life. He’s a defender of families and this just a controversy built up, I think, it looks as though, to support his opposition,” she said. “We support him fully and completely.”
    Mackey spoke at a news conference at the meeting of the Republican Platform Committee here, alongside the group president Tony Perkins. He said he had not looked closely at Akin’s comments but supported Mackey’s position. She said she is not taking a position on the accuracy of Akin’s comment–only his worth as a Republican candidate.
    I don’t know anything about the science or the legal implications of his statement. I do know politics, and I know gotcha politics when I see it,” she said.
    But he also warned Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown (R), who has publicly called for Akin to exit the Missouri race. “He should be careful because based on some of his statements there may be some call for him to get out of his race,” he said of Brown.

    Yeah, it’s so hard to keep up with “the science” these days, because we haven’t had a lot of laboratory tests where a bunch of women get raped one way and others get raped another way to see how many get pregnant. Maybe doing so under an MRI or some such.

  39. 39
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @jwb: a three way campaign with Steelman running a write-in might just be the only way McCaskill can win

  40. 40
    Face says:

    The GOP is dropping him like a hot potato. He is finished.

    1) Huh? He’s not quitting, per him
    2) the National GOP aren’t actual voters living in MO
    3) You’re significantly underestimating just how much misogyny and general redneck racism exists in the state. His comment in no way hurt him with ~98% of the GOP in the state, IMO.

  41. 41

    My Twitter feed tells me Akin is withdrawing from the Senate race.

  42. 42
    Bobby Thomson says:

    @Face: This.

    Or, two words: Quantrill. Branson.

  43. 43
    WereBear says:

    @satch: WTF is it with Missouruh???

    They have a big chunk of the population who believes if they vote for a Liberal they are going to Hell.

  44. 44
    sagesource says:

    @Violet: They are hidden by their very nature. Didn’t you see the “secret” in “secretions”?

  45. 45
    Violet says:

    @Southern Beale: Really? Right after he said he wouldn’t quit?

  46. 46
    Face says:

    @Southern Beale: TPM has a blurb involving Twitter, Erik Son of Erik, RudeState, and likely a ham sandwich all declaring that Akin is achin’ to bail.

    So I guess he is a quitter.

  47. 47
    Violet says:

    @Face: Or they want him to

  48. 48
    Roger Moore says:

    @Hill Dweller:

    At what point, if ever, does the media start hammering him for his blatant lying and hypocrisy?

    When it’s glaringly obvious that he has no chance to win. They’re going to prop up the Republican until it’s obviously hopeless, at which point they’ll turn on him in the hopes of looking good to the Democrats.

  49. 49
    Roger Moore says:


    Tax fairness should be a huge part of Obama’s campaign, but it seems that it won’t be.

    Yeah, because Obama and the Democrats haven’t been doing a thing to bring up Romney’s taxes.

  50. 50
    Tuffy says:

    Todd Akin is a whipping boy. All conservatives think that way, they just aren’t so dumb to say it out loud.

    He’s going to get pummeled for a while, then it’ll go away one way or another. Liberals will go back to inexorably losing ground on reproductive rights, conservatives will go back to discussing how women are all sluts in their quiet rooms.

  51. 51
    Misterpuff says:

    Department of Vijayjay Security announces installation of transvaginal scanners to detect and counterdict rapist activity in all the Nation’s ladyparts owners under a contract with Halliburton. Project Chasity Belt will be implemented immediately.

  52. 52
    Uncle Cholmondeley says:

    Cole blogged about this case in 2011, where a blogger was successfully sued for $60,000 by someone who lost his job because of the blog post — even though the blogger told the truth.

    In a triumph for free speech, the Minnesota Court of Appeals just reversed.


  53. 53
    Comrade Mary says:

    In the spirit of femaleness and open threadness: Phyllis Diller, RIP.

  54. 54
    Arclite says:

    That diagram rocks. Hilarious.

  55. 55
    LanceThruster says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    I use Ms. Diller as an example of successful cosmetic surgery. She made her career getting blasted as horribly ugly (see any Bob Hope bit) and certainly had a good sense of humor about it. I loved her animation voice work. When I saw her after pics from her plastic surgery, I always felt that it/she looked good and hoped she liked the change in her appearance. Her body of work is quite solid and she was a very funny lady.

  56. 56
    JGabriel says:

    Jeepers. Akin’s just can’t quit shoving that foot down his throat and out his own asshole. Now Akin’s says people should forgive him, because 9/11:

    “I understand from watching other people who’ve made mistakes that, you know, nobody wants to own your mistake. And I don’t think anybody should. And that’s why I’m apologizing for what I did wrong,” Akin said.
    Then he referenced Sept. 11.

    We believe that life is something that comes from our creator. We’re made in his image. And all across America you see Americans that have a respect for life — it’s not a political debate, it’s not words it’s how they live their lives. I remember in Sept. 11 rescue workers running into the building that’s about to collapse. They grabbed somebody that’s in a wheelchair, pick him up, they don’t check their ID to see whether they’re important or not. They just take them to safety and run back for more. They by their lives speak as Americans about what we think about the value of human beings and how much repeat we hold people with. … That’s the very special thing about our country.

    Emphasis in original, from TPM.


  57. 57
    Xenos says:

    @El Cid: I think it is a bit simpler of a formula than that: if the female gets pregnant, then it was not really rape, so the whole problem of abortion rights for rape victims disappears in a puff of logic sophistry.

    Closing ones’ eyes and using flawed thinking to make hard problems go away is the main cognitive style of most of these conservatives.

  58. 58
    Applejinx says:

    I do not like this rightwinger meme that if a rape victim gets pregnant that proves she enjoyed it.

    That’s literally what it means. It’s fucking sick.

  59. 59

    Actually, technically…. God’s Fallopian Anti-Rapist Sperm Missile Protection Halo goes fully operational when a lady proves she doesn’t want it by attempting to fight her rapist to the death. But not until then….and not if she’s not a lady but a jezebellian satan lovin whoooooooooo -er

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