Politico Thinks Paul Ryan is Hot; Wonders if Paul Ryan *Likes Them* Likes Them

Oh for fuck’s sake, Politico:

Overlooked, understandably, in Saturday’s analysis and news that Rep. Paul Ryan will be Mitt Romney’s vice presidential nominee was one mostly — but not entirely — unimportant aspect: Paul Ryan is kind of hot.

Upon hearing the news of Ryan’s nomination, TMZ was quick to declare Ryan “the hottest vice presidential candidate ever.”

In 2008, Ryan was included in The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful list with the following write-up: “Let’s face it, the reform of entitlements like Social Security is an important topic for members of Congress to debate. But listening to lawmakers speak about it on the floor does not exactly cause the heart to race. Unless, that is, the speech is being delivered by the tall, handsome and fiscally conservative Rep. Paul Ryan.”

One of the suggestions offered by Google when you search for “Paul Ryan”? “Paul Ryan shirtless.”

Number of Google results for “Paul Ryan is hot”? 1,350. “Paul Ryan is sexy”? 311.

And then there’s the “Hey Girl” meme that pits Ryan as a wonkish seducer — or the commentary about his “sexy” eyes.

Even P90X’s Tony Horton — whose workout has been a hit with Ryan — admitted how buff he considers Ryan based on their private workouts.

The hottest vice presidential candidate in history? Seriously? What, no love for this guy?

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I don’t see it. I like my vice presidential candidates a little less zombie-eyed and a little less willing to starve my grandma.

But if you’re into that sort of thing, I guess Ryan might be “hot.” Certainly Romney’s look-of-love facial expressions indicates that Paul Ryan is his one and only.

Look out, Anne. You might have some competition.

[via Politico]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

54 replies
  1. 1
    greennotGreen says:

    Yeah, that’s right, there’s nothing hotter than a zombie-eyed granny-starver posing with the carcass of a beautiful animal he’s just killed for pleasure. Or I guess it would… if I were a SOCIOPATH.

  2. 2
    ruemara says:

    Is Paul Ryan sexy?

    No. Evil is quite repugnant, actually. If it is sexy to you, you are a ho. Or a journalist. A true whore has standards.

  3. 3
    PurpleGirl says:

    I feel quite insulted when the pundits start in with the physical attribute stuff. I want a politician who has a brain and uses it, tempered with empathy and compassion. To suggest that I would vote for someone based on an idea of handsomeness or big shoulders says that I do not think about decisions.

    ETA: I fully ascribe to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s ideas about a person’s content of character.

  4. 4
    El Cid says:

    All the young women pundits had Eddie Munster posters on their walls growing up.

  5. 5
    Violet says:

    Why did this post go down two on the list and Tom’s get put behind AL’s, which has been out for awhile now?

  6. 6
    Scamp Dog says:

    Of course he’s hot. His pants are on fire whenever he talks about, well, anything political.

  7. 7
    Yutsano says:

    @Violet: ABL popped the clutch. Or crossed the streams. One of the two.

  8. 8
    The Thin Black Duke says:

    Why does this obsessive fixation on Ryan’s alleged sex appeal remind me of the sick fan letter Ayn Rand sent to that dirtbag killer who dismembered a little girl?

  9. 9
    Violet says:

    @Yutsano: That’s a bummer for Tom.

  10. 10
    mdblanche says:

    This story inspired me to try checking out how the other members of this year’s tickets stack up in comparison. Eddie Munster didn’t do too well. First off, the numbers I got for him more or less matched Politico’s, except the prompts I got were “Paul Ryan is…” “…an idiot”, “…evil”, and “…a douche.” Here are the number of results for everyone else:

    Barrack Obama is hot: 125,000
    Barrack Obama is sexy: 8,350

    Mitt Romney is hot: 15,000
    Mitt Romney is sexy: 9,550

    Joe Biden is hot: 7,060
    Joe Biden is sexy: 7,020

    I think the Politico staff needs to get out more. And just for fun:

    Chris Christie is hot: 1,510 (still more than Ryan!)
    Chris Christie is sexy: 8 (shudder)

    And finally, no love indeed for Charles Fairbanks, who receives 0 hits in both categories.

  11. 11
    Donut says:

    My ex girlfriend, and we are talking someone I dated nearly 20 years ago, went to high school with Paul Ryan, and knows him well, her dad being a prominent Republican bidness man in Janesville. If she weren’t bat shit fucking crazy herself I would love to actually talk to someone who knows the guy personally. On well.

    That’s all I got on Ryan. We have been writing and talking about this guy for years. I have read nothing fresh about him I the last two days, just rehashes of the same old shit. I am kind of disengaged from the frenzy, I guess. The media and the Teahadis got what they wanted, so now can we move on? This will be yet another huge election, obviously the country is still in a tipping point, but god damn, the GOP is tedious these days.

  12. 12
    forked tongue says:

    STOP STOP STOP NO MORE!!!!!!

  13. 13
    Ash Can says:

    Handsome is as handsome does. And Paul Ryan doesn’t, so he isn’t.

  14. 14
    forked tongue says:

    WAIT WAIT WAIT

    Seeing all these pictures of the sallow, lipless lemonsucker over these last few days, I’ve been trying to figure out who it is he reminds me of. That picture of him linked in post #1 helped me finally figure it out. It’s this guy!

    Seriously! Amirite???

  15. 15
    CaliCat says:

    Oh FFS. Ryan IS NOT “hot”. He has the dark hair and blue eyes thing going but his facial features are ghastly and bird like. Not to mention the dead soulless eyes.

  16. 16
    Nutella says:

    @forked tongue:

    Or check the second picture in this post.

  17. 17
    jayjaybear says:

    He has a chin like Lady Elaine Fairchild, a nose like Bob Hope, and ears like Alfred E. Neuman. I just don’t see “hot” or even “attractive”, frankly.

  18. 18
    forked tongue says:

    @mdblanche:

    Chris Christie is hot: 1,510 (still more than Ryan!)

    This gave me a good laugh. In fairness, though, how many of those are links to somebody saying “Chris Christie is hot under the collar” about such-and-such?

  19. 19
    g says:

    Upon hearing the news of Ryan’s nomination, TMZ was quick to declare Ryan “the hottest vice presidential candidate ever.”

    Poor Sarah Palin!!! She’s weeping into her Bailey’s Irish Cream.

  20. 20
    Gustopher says:

    If he were a decent human being, he might get endearing — but not hot.

    Endearing wears better than hot, and ages better, and is all around better than hot. But it requires being a decent human being.

  21. 21
    suzanne says:

    I have no problem saying that I don’t think Paul Ryan is a bad-looking dude. I think Sarah Palin is also nice-looking. But so what? The content of their characters is what matters. I would love to finally be rid of patriarchal beauty standards and some ridiculous idea that I would ever be swayed by someone’s attractiveness (or lack thereof) with my vote. Good LORD.

    For the record, Barack Obama is TOTALLY hot.

  22. 22
    mdblanche says:

    @forked tongue: Amazingly, none I could see in the first 20 or so. Though a bunch of them were links like “Chris Christie is a hot prospect for VP/replacement nominee.”

  23. 23
    Cacti says:

    Ryan’s not a bad looking guy. Neither is Willard for that matter.

    But how attractive will women voters find him when they find out he’s 100% anti-choice, even in cases of rape, incest, or endangerment of the life of the mother.

    Paulie definitely believes that government should be small enough to fit inside a woman’s uterus.

  24. 24
    Cacti says:

    Also too, how hot will women voters find Ryan’s opposition to the Fair Pay Act?

  25. 25
    TS says:

    Not to get physical, but no-one with the nose that is Ryans – can ever be called “hot”

  26. 26
    hells littlest angel says:

    Ryan is considered hot by those who go in for roman showers.

  27. 27
    hells littlest angel says:

    @mdblanche:

    Chris Christie is hot: 1,510

    And yet he doesn’t sweat much for a fat guy.

  28. 28
    mai naem says:

    @suzanne: Barack was not a vp. Ryan’s good looking compared to Pappy Bush and Dick Cheney but definitely not compared to Al Gore circa 1992. I have never thought of Eddie Munster as good looking.

  29. 29
    Suffern Ace says:

    @mai naem: Better looking than Henry Wallace or Chester Arthur? Hardly.

  30. 30
    Joey Maloney says:

    If we’re being superficial, Ryan’s voice is nasal and whiny. He sounds like he’s begging for approval, which is never sexy. He really needed a voice coach three months ago to get ready for speaking on a national stage. But now it’s too late.

  31. 31
    Calouste says:

    Btw, Paul Ryan tall? He looks like he is about 5’9″.

  32. 32
    TenguPhule says:

    Evil is only sezy when its a woman in a chainmail bikini.
    Or black leather.

  33. 33
    Tehanu says:

    Here’s a little-known fact: Charles Curtis, Calvin Coolidge’s Vice President, wrote the song “It’s All In the Game” which has been covered by Van Morrison and Jackie De Shannon, among others. Gee, a Republican with an actual accomplishment. Too bad that was 80 or 90 years ago.

  34. 34
    Djur says:

    As a straight male, I’m not one to judge, but I seem to recall Dan Quayle, Al Gore, John Edwards, and Sarah Palin all being considered pretty good-looking in their prime. Quayle and Palin were idiots, Edwards was a creep and Gore has gotten old and stout, but this guy looks a lot better than Ryan to me.

    So I’m not even convinced Ryan is the sexiest VP candidate of the last 25 years, much less ‘ever’.

  35. 35
    Kane says:

    You ever notice that it’s almost always men who are commenting on the “handsomeness” of Romney and Ryan? What’s up with that?

  36. 36
    hep kitty says:

    @Kane: They just like to imagine themselves as a heroine in a bodice-ripper scenario. Ryan being the studly guy who sweeps her off her feet and carries her, struggling all the way, to his bungalow. She, at first, resists his advances, a futile exercise that made him want her all the more, but she eventually succumbs, their lips melting together, a china white bosom heaving in ecstasy, forbidden passions sated!

    “Oh Paul, Paul! No you musn’t, no, no, no”

    “Oh, Paul, I cannot fight you and myself any longer!”

    “Yes! Oh yes, yes, yes!!”

  37. 37
    ellie says:

    Gross.

  38. 38
    Princess says:

    For old times’ sake:

    Sarah Palin is hot = 74,600
    Sarah Palin is sexy = 22,800

    Ryan isn’t even going to be the hottest losing Republican VP candidate this century, far a less the hottest VP candidate of all time.

    Why even:

    Dick Cheney is hot = 2,160
    Dick Chenet is sexy = 1,570

  39. 39
    Mardam says:

    Sure, but did Ryan wink at them?

  40. 40
    Elizabelle says:

    I’ve been watching a lot of Turner Classic Movies this summer. Paul Ryan’s earnest good looks remind me of a movie actor from the 1930s or 40s.

    Problem is, the Republicans are trying to sneak Mr. Potter by in Jimmy Stewart clothing.

    Ain’t gonna work.

  41. 41
    hep kitty says:

    @ellie: You’re welcome :D

  42. 42
    Alex S. says:

    @Kane:

    It’s totally weird. That Politico article is written by a man. And it quotes: Tony Horton, Eugene Robinson, Joe Biden, John Nichols, Erik Wasson, Sean Hannity and two women: Rachel Maddow (!) and Ryan’s democratic 2008 opponent, who merely quoted others, 7 men, a lesbian woman and some unknown people.

  43. 43
    quannlace says:

    And just another way to insult the electorate. I remember when Dan Quayle was picked as VP. It was seriously put forward that his blonde, boyish good looks would appeal to the lady voters! Because women are just that shallow. At least the ones Anne Coulter knows.

  44. 44
    maya says:

    I’m surprised they didn’t ask Rich Lowry for his TV screen Starbursts Count as a more appropriate, and, historic, masturbatory reaction to a Veep selection.

  45. 45
    RedKitten says:

    Evilness aside, yeah…I don’t get it at ALL. The man is not attractive in the least. Early Al Gore was a very handsome man. Heck, William R. King appeared to be a pretty dashing figure. Joe Biden has that awesome charm and 1000-watt smile. And let’s not forget the manliest of manly men, Teddy Roosevelt.

    Ryan looks like the ultimate caricature of an inbred yokel, compared to these guys.

  46. 46
    gonzone says:

    Hold up a minute now …

    Zombies are considered pretty hot among the hipster set these days! Although less than sparkly vampires …

  47. 47
    Flying Squirrel Girl says:

    @quannlace: Remember, this is the same party that thought women were going to vote for Hilary Clinton simply because she was a woman, and used that (and Bill Kristol’s crush) as the rationale for picking Sarah Palin. Women are apparently so stupid they will vote for someone cute, or who can pull off fuck-me pumps like nobody’s business, but never do we vote on issues or substance!

  48. 48
    gonzone says:

    Does Ryan get Tweety all turgid the way Dubya in a flight suit did?

  49. 49
    Hawes says:

    Paul Ryan is a TOTAL BAD BOY HOTTIE!!!111!

    He will, like, totally steal your mom’s Medicare and then, like, not even care when he doesn’t return it when she needs it. He’s, like, a rebel or something.

    And he’ll talk all sweet and cute and stuff, but if you make under $250,000 a year he will never return your calls, which kind of just makes him OMG!

  50. 50
    Nemesis says:

    Gawd thats dumb. Leave it to Politico…

    The optics for ryan were anything but hawt Satdee.

    ryan was not wearing a tie. He look disheveled.
    ryan has a 5 oclock shadow all the time.
    ryan has dark circles under his eyes all the time.
    That widows peak is kinda unnerving.
    His suit fit poorly, too baggy.
    He is a zombie-eyed granny starver.

    This race is over.

  51. 51
    Grumpy Code Monkey says:

    @Kane:

    A non-trivial number of GOP politicians and right-leaning pundits are pretty obvious self-loathing closet cases. These are the people who talk about how hard it is to maintain a heterosexual relationship, about how they have to decide every day that they’re going to stay faithful to their wives instead of jumping in bed with the nearest himbo when given the opportunity.

    These are the people who fear and hate Teh Ghey because they know just how easy it would be for them to fall into a homosexual relationship.

  52. 52
    Death Panel Truck says:

    @forked tongue: Oh, come on, now. You owe the late Jim Varney an apology. Comparing Earnest P. Worrell to Paul Ryan is a tremendous insult. Whatever you thought of the guy, I’d vote for Earnest over Ryan in a heartbeat.

  53. 53
    navamske says:

    @Tehanu: Charles Curtis was Hoover’s vice president. Coolidge’s vice president, and the guy who apparently wrote the song, was Charles Dawes.

  54. 54
    Howlin Wolfe says:

    @CaliCat: I think he look like a goose. A real honker.

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