Just found out a couple of days ago that my favorite aunt died. She was the quintessential eccentric artist. Her entire life was a performance piece. Her real name was Emily. She ran away from home at a fairly young age and changed her name to Stania. Because she thought that more exotic and better suited to an artist.
She was the black sheep of her generation in the family, just as I am of mine. I didn’t know her well. She didn’t get along with my mother. She rarely lived nearby. But we bonded when I spent a couple of weeks in SoCal with her in the early 90s.
I recognized her immediately when I got off the plane. As she did me. The very first thing she said to me after at least 20 years between visits was, “Do you smoke pot?”
Every morning for the next two weeks we had breakfast on her covered deck with the incredible view. It was so gigantic, she created three furnished rooms with living walls of tropical plants. And aquariums. So many fish. She would make really good coffee and roll herself a big fat doob. And we would sit in the breakfast nook, surrounded by banana trees, and talk about the future and the past.
In the afternoons she would show me her artworks. She was a talented artist who worked brilliantly in any medium. She was fearless. Relentlessly creative. Charmingly quirky. Hadn’t seen her since, but we had a psychic connection. For no apparent reason I was thinking about her on the night she died.
Even though I rarely saw her, I’m really going to miss sharing this earthly realm with her. RIP Aunt Stania.
geg6
Your aunt sounds like she was awesome, just my kinda gal. I would have loved her, I’m sure.
Of course, I, too, was once the black sheep of my family. No longer, but I take some pride in having been a nonconformist at a very young age. Sounds like your aunt did, too. And I sure hope you do. We unconventional women are the best kind.
Cassidy
Sucks. Sorry for your loss.
Ash Can
Deepest condolences. She sounds like a truly great person.
Amir Khalid
Your Aunt Stania sounds like a wonderful and fascinating person. I’m sorry for your loss.
Mudge
It is great to have an indelible positive memory of someone, even if it is of fish. So few in our lives leave them.
WereBear
In sorrow for your loss; and in celebration of what was certainly an extraordinary life. Hard to believe she had many regrets, no?
Ruckus
Sorry about your aunt.
She and my sister may have been from the same subgenus of humans. Loved plants, pot and talking about life, changed her name and was a talented artist. Mom didn’t much understand her either. Major difference was I did talk my best friend often, even when we lived hundreds to thousands of miles apart.
LanceThruster
Beautifully expressed. She has merged with the infinite, but still speaks to you across space and time.
Libby Spencer
@geg6: Ha! Unconventional would be a good way to describe me still. And yes she was awesome. Used to wish she was my mom. Oddly, her own two daughters used to wish they had my birth mother instead.
Often thought we should have switched as children. Would have been a better fit for all of us.
JWL
(A:DHS)*
Well?
Do you smoke pot?
*(Attention: Department of Homeland “Security”).
Mike in NC
I vaguely recall how my brothers and I once got my mom, who died in 2008 at age 84, to smoke a joint. Forget the year but dad would have no part of it.
JWL
(A:DHS)*
Well?
Do you smoke pot?
*(Attention: Department of Homeland “Security”).
Mike in NC
I vaguely recall how my brothers and I once got my mom, who died in 2008 at age 84, to smoke a joint. Forget the year but dad would have no part of it.
Yutsano
@Libby Spencer: Everyone should have an Auntie Mame in their lives. I’m so glad your remember her zest for living.
Libby Spencer
@WereBear: I don’t think she had any regrets. She lived her life on her own terms and didn’t give a flying leap what anyone thought about her choices.
Mike in NC
I vaguely recall how my brothers and I once got our mom, who died in 2008 at age 84, to smoke a joint. Forget the year but dad would have no part of it.
maven
Every family need someone like that. May she join the light………….
Libby Spencer
@JWL: Ha! The answer to that would depend on whether the statute for internal possession has run.
maven
Every family need someone like that. May she join the light………….
Yutsano
FYWP eted my comment.
@Libby Spencer: I’m so glad you had an Auntie Mame in your life. You’re celebrating her zest for living.
maven
Every family need someone like that. May she join the light………….
Yutsano
FYWP eted my comment.
@Libby Spencer: I’m so glad you had an Auntie Mame in your life. You’re celebrating her zest for living.
Ben Franklin
Death creates the illusion of separation, That illusion, is the crux of our grief.
tofubo
my only uncle passed many years ago (my father was only an child, my mother had but one sister), i met with him only three times (he was still taking part of that “old europe” thingy), i can only wish that i had the times with him that you had with yours, be grateful and bask in the memories
and roll up a fattie in her memory
(ot, anyone know of accomodations in Calais or Dunkerque that accepts pets ??)
Ben Franklin
Death creates the illusion of separation, That illusion, is the crux of our grief.
Another Halocene Human
I, too, have an unconventional aunt. Living in this country with such enormous distances and no time to travel it’s often difficult to be close to family like that, but it’s tough when you don’t quite fit with your nuclear family or maybe… they just have a too narrow and incurious worldview.
TheMightyTrowel
@tofubo: Just email and ask anywhere that looks good – the French are really good about travelling with pets and/or children. It’s very rare that you can’t bring a pet. Look for locally run rather than international chain though.
Kristine
Your aunt sounds wonderful. I am so sorry for your loss.
Alison
I’m sorry for your loss, Libby, she sounds like an amazing person. And while of course I could always sympathize, today of all days I can even more so – my grandmother passed away last night. It was expected, especially for about the past week, but it was still very difficult to hear. (I got the middle of the night phone call from Florida and had to walk into my parents’ room and wake my mother to tell her. Not. Easy.)
I’m doing my best not to feel like a horrible person because I’m unable to go to the funeral, as my health keeps me from being able to travel. I wrote something for my mom to read at the service, and I can only hope my words will be a reasonable substitute for my presence…
Darkrose
Very sorry to hear about your aunt. From your description, she sounds a lot like my only aunt who died 15 years ago. In the ’60’s, she moved to the US Virgin Islands with her second of three husbands–a white Jewish guy, which my grandmother was so not cool with (my mother apparently talked her into going to the wedding, telling her that she’d always regret it if she didn’t), where she lived for the rest of her life, drinking, eating good food, smoking good dope and enjoying life to the fullest. I always considered it the highest compliment when people compared me to her.
Right before she had the massive stroke that led to her death way too young, she said, “My life has been a wonder.” My goal in life is to be able to say that.
geg6
@Mike in NC:
Since you said it three times, was that once this evening by any chance? ;-)
I got my mom to finally smoke some in the last year of her life. After two years of various and nasty courses of chemo, I got tired of watching her in pain (she refused the opiates they offered) and unable to eat much, I got frustrated, yelled, beggd and finally cried until she agreed to try it. Needless to say, it helped.
And to think both of us could have been arrested for that. Fucking ridiculous.
raven
@geg6: Damn, my friend who is going through agonizing anal cancer treatment just won’t consider a little bud.
Ben Franklin
@raven:
Is it some sort of principle? Thin people do worse than those slightly overweight when illness strikes. Appetite enhancement and sound sleep are essential, on the road to recovery.
geg6
@raven:
Tell your friend that if my 74-year-old mom tried it and it really gave her some relief. Of course, it took a year of frustration, yelling, begging and crying to finally convince her, but she admitted that I was right.
Elizabelle
You’re a good niece, Libby. Condolences.
Aunt Stania sounds like someone we would have liked to know.
Glad that you and she appreciated each other’s company.
West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)
What a lovely tribute piece, Libby! I very much enjoyed reading it and wish you peace.
Just had a long conversation (on the phone) with my older sister about our upbringing (our parents died two days apart in 2008). We have different memories and perspectives on some things, but it is so enlightening and intriguing to share our views about growing up in the 1960’s, 70’s. Family is sometimes a curse, soemtimes a blessing. But a good bottle of red never hurts the flow of communication!
Warren Terra
I’m sorry for your loss.
It sounds like she managed to live the life she wanted, which is a tremendous blessing. It would have been a privilege to have known her.
Kathleen
@Libby Spencer: Libby: What a lovely, inspiring post. I need your Aunt Stania’s spirit and independence. You (and she) have given me much to ponder. Thank you.
Patricia Kayden
Your Aunt sounded like an interesting personality. My condolences.
Libby Spencer
Thank you all for the condolences.
@Alison: So sorry for your loss. The first few weeks are the hardest.
@Darkrose: Sounds like our aunts could have been separated at birth.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Libby, I’m sorry for your loss. Your aunt Stania must be amused that the Balloon Juice folks are chatting about her life/
@raven: Can you make some cupcakes?
raven
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): I’m not going to force it, she has enough to deal with.
SiubhanDuinne
@Alison: Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. Expected or not, it’s always a bit of a wrench. I’m glad your lovely words will represent you at the funeral.
And Libby, let me join the chorus of those saying, What a great tribute to your aunt. She sounds like someone I would have enjoyed knowing. In my family, there have been several generations of conventional/unconventional sister pairings. Happy to report I fall into the “un” category.
Brachiator
Very sweet remembrance of your aunt. Thank you very much for sharing it with us.
How does the song go? Love the life you live, so you can live the life you love.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@raven: I hear you. I know it’s tough to see your friends suffer. My best wishes to her.
Libby Spencer
Thanks again to all for the kind words.
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): Yes, she would love that everyone was talking about her.
Shawn in ShowMe
I want to be your aunt when I grow up.
Betty Cracker
I’m sorry for your loss. Your aunt sounds like she was a remarkable woman.
kdaug
@Libby Spencer:
FTFY.