Mitt has a running mate, but can’t tell you who until Oct. 15th

<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/59124558@N06/7710839866/” title=”Romney Pawlenty by dengre.bj, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7275/7710839866_130fbebb39.jpg” width=”500″ height=”375″ alt=”Romney Pawlenty”></a>

Mitt has decided to postpone any information that might inform voters about his past, his judgement and what he might do as President. He is especially fearful that releasing any details about his record or policies would inspire Democrats, the Obama Campaign and the media to criticize him and ask even more questions.

This is why he will not release his taxes. So far he has only released part of his 2010 Income Tax forms and he will not release any details about his 2011 Income Taxes until after October 15th.

Mitt sees this policy of secrecy and delay as a winning strategy. This is why he has decided to apply the same tactic to his selection of a running mate. The Romney Campaign announce today that the choice has been made, but will remain a secret until after October 15th.

Reaction from the Obama Campaign and Democrats was swift and mocking. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid claimed that he was told by a credible source that the guy under the bag was just Tim Pawlenty. The Romney Campaign is pushing back hard on Democratic speculation concerning the identity of his running mate. In a press call earlier today, they condemned comments  from Senator Reid as union-thug politics and demanded that Reid “put up or shut up” when it comes to Romney’s number two.

Romney was quoted as saying:

“”I’ve already learned from Harry Reid’s action and others that the people on the other side of the aisle will try to go through anything we give them to distort it to turn it, to turn it into something they don’t say and to try and make political fodder out of it.”

To help hide his identity, The Unknown GOP VP Candidate, will use a voice distortion device to give his Tampa Convention speech and to campaign in the fall.

Jennifer Rubin (a blogger for the Washington Post) called the selection another Romney triumph and a stroke of brilliance. The Unknown GOP VP Candidate has been embraced by Tea Party members and other rank and file conservatives. With the urging of Rush Limbaugh they have taken to wearing bags over their heads as a sign of support and the Romney Campaign is selling sacks with eye holes to raise funds for the campaign.

Cheers

 

[hat tip to Booman for the inspiration]

 






109 replies
  1. 1
    maya says:

    I like the idea of Repubs and Teabaggers with bags over their heads. They look better that way.

  2. 2
    Lahru says:

    The Onion?

  3. 3
  4. 4
    Bob says:

    I thought it was real (with the guy in the bag photoshopped, you can’t fool me that easy…). But it’s not real … right?

  5. 5
    Teddy's Person says:

    If this clown wins, it will truly be end times.

  6. 6

    Dana Bash (i love her name) says she’s got a source that can corroborate Reid’s charge about Willard’s taxes.

    over/under bet?

    The source(s) will be revealed some time around Oct. 15th

    =)

  7. 7
    smintheus says:

    Clever satire. Wait for reality to catch up.

  8. 8
    Narcissus says:

    I wish this struck me as implausible

  9. 9
    Dennis G. says:

    @smintheus: …and it will catch up and run past me. Wingnutopia is like that…

  10. 10
    WaterGirl says:

    What’s really sad is that it could be true, even though it isn’t. Romney = LOSER.

  11. 11

    I clicked the link, and the article at the other end doesn’t seem funny – and it’s from the Associated Press. So I think that the quoted part above is real – Romney’s remaining mum on his VP pick because he’s a WATB and he’s afraid of Harry Reid.

  12. 12
    SBJules says:

    How about Michele Bachmann?

  13. 13
    scav says:

    Pig in a Poke / Pig in a Poke II ‘012!!!!!!!

  14. 14
    WaterGirl says:

    Am I the only person who looks at that photo and thinks KKK?

  15. 15

    @WaterGirl: LOL, if so the KKK must be facing some serious budget cuts.

    Talk about “brown bagging it”

  16. 16
    Libby Spencer says:

    Sad commentary on the state of our politics that I wasn’t sure this is satire. And a brilliant one, I might add.

  17. 17
    Chyron HR says:

    Problem: People are using your secrecy as an excuse to speculate about what you’re hiding.

    Solution: MORE SECRECY.

  18. 18
    General Stuck says:

    Jennifer Rubin (a blogger for the Washington Post) called the selection another Romney triumph and a stroke of brilliance

    Rubin is starting to worry me with the Romney love, that seems white hot and full of XX starbursts. A Jewish American neo con and a people pleasing Mormon that could become president. What could go wrong with that political consummation ?

  19. 19
    raven says:

    @WaterGirl: Nope, Saints fan.

  20. 20

    @Libby Spencer: “Sad commentary on the state of our politics that I wasn’t sure this is satire. And a brilliant one, I might add.”

    Agreed. It didn’t hurt that there is some truth embedded in it.

    Genius.

  21. 21
  22. 22
    maya says:

    Shouldn’t it be a Chick-Fil-A bag?

  23. 23
    NR says:

    @Teddy’s Person:

    If this clown wins, it will truly be end times.

    It’s okay. Nobody can do anything without 60 votes in the Senate. Or so I was repeatedly told in 2009 and 2010.

  24. 24
    ABL says:

    I thought this was serious. The GOP has murdered satire.

  25. 25
    Dennis G. says:

    @ABL: Sad but true.

  26. 26
    General Stuck says:

    The paper sack, you got to admit, is somewhat eco friendly in a paper or plastic kind of way.

  27. 27
    WaterGirl says:

    @raven: Your comment sent me to the google. I see what you mean!

  28. 28
    phantomist says:

    Jaye P. Morgan picks up her mallet and slowly walks toward the gong.

  29. 29
    mclaren says:

    Ski masks would be better.

    So who’ll it be? The reincarnation of Ed Gein? The Colorado batman shooter? Charles Manson on work-release?

  30. 30
    WaterGirl says:

    Do you think anybody on the Romney team realizes they have lost control of their message?

    They have a message alright, that sticks to an ongoing theme, even. It’s just not the one they were aiming for.

    Or maybe even Romney’s team knows it would be better for the country (and the world) if Romney isn’t the leader of the free world.

    I was pretty sure that the technical folks who kept putting McCain in front of those awful green screens were playing for our team.

  31. 31
    muddy says:

    I have a secret, but I won’t tell you (imagine this in childish taunting sing-song).

    The way to keep a secret, Mittens, is not to put a bag over it, but just not to talk about it at all. Dumbass.

  32. 32
    mai naem says:

    I was listening to the Stephanie Miller show yesterday and she had John Fugelsang on. Anyway, Fugelsang was in LA at the office of his agent where he ran across some big Republican supporter who supposedly was in the know and he told Fugelsang that Romney’s pick is a total surprise – somebody nobody’s expecting – Rudy Giuliani. The thinking supposedly is that even thought Giuliani is a social liberal, he has the same attack dog persona as Chris Christie so the teabaggers will accept him based on that. I know there’s a lot of the friend of a friend of a friend of a friend said blah blah but whatever.

  33. 33
    Cain says:

    I can see some awesome political attack ads for this that would give republicans an apoplexy.

  34. 34

    @Dennis G.: This was great. The scary part of course I had to read it twice to realize it wasn’t true. And I await with you, the day reality laps your snark. Anyone who votes for this idiot deserves to be mocked.

  35. 35
    Suzanne says:

    This is HILARIOUS!! I guffawed really loud several times.

  36. 36
    imonlylurking says:

    I totally thought this was legit until I was more than halfway through it. OMG.

  37. 37
    The Dangerman says:

    Gene, Gene, The Dancing Machine is the VP candidate?

    Did I just date myself?

    /gong

    ETA: Shakes fist at phantomist above

  38. 38
    Ash Can says:

    Add me to the folks who weren’t sure if this was snark or straight news. I went to a couple of news sites to check the headlines just to be sure. After Willard’s Excellent Foreign Adventure, I’ll believe anything.

  39. 39
    Baud says:

    Count me among the people who did not immediately realize this was satire. Good job taking advantage of the awfulness of Romney as a candidate.

  40. 40

    @General Stuck: “The paper sack, you got to admit, is somewhat eco friendly in a paper or plastic kind of way.”

    In a just world, that would have been plastic.

    ETA: In the long term, it would be better on the environment as well.

  41. 41
  42. 42
    Baud says:

    @raven:

    Aint’s no more! Not while we got Brees.

  43. 43
    hells littlest angel says:

    @mai naem: I’m expecting Romney’s VP pick to be jaw-droppingly idiotic. My money’s on Michael Steele, but Giuliani certainly fits the bill too.

  44. 44
    JGabriel says:

    __
    __
    Dennis G. @ Top:

    The Unknown GOP VP Candidate has been embraced by Tea Party members and other rank and file conservatives. With the urging of Rush Limbaugh they have taken to wearing bags over their heads as a sign of support …

    … while others within the party have complained that the bags suggest a brown complexion and have taken to wearing white sheets instead.

    .

  45. 45
    Linda Featheringill says:

    @The Dangerman:

    Gene, Gene, The Dancing Machine is the VP candidate?

    Hey. Gene had something to contribute. :-)

    GREAT post, by the way.

  46. 46
  47. 47
    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism says:

    @mai naem: Giulani? Never happen. They know he’d leech off too much of the spotlight from The Mitt.

    And add another data point. I wasn’t sure it was satire until the hattip for the inspiration.

  48. 48
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @mai naem:

    This is stupid enough to be real.

    Just imagine Joe Biden shooting fish in a barrel.

    That’s what the VP debate would be like with former mayor noun/verb/911.

  49. 49
    The Sheriff's A Ni- says:

    @The Dangerman: Barris / Dancing Machine 2012

  50. 50
    The Dangerman says:

    OT, for the love of everything decent, would someone PLEASE get that 10K runer a Big Mac with some supersized fries STAT!

  51. 51
    LanceThruster says:

    @maya: It would certainly add some extra spice to Michelle Bachmann eating a corndog!

  52. 52
    Narcissus says:

    Also this picture really looks like Mitt has his hand on the paperbag guys butt

  53. 53
    Thomas DeVito says:

    Oh my. I believed that this was true for far too long. Should I feel silly, or is this just a reflection of how unbelievably gimmicky and weird the GOP has become?

  54. 54
    Jamey says:

    Pleaseopleaseoplease let Mitt make “transparency” a buzzword at the GOP convention.

  55. 55
    Thomas DeVito says:

    @JGabriel: ha, you win the internet today.

  56. 56
    Ben Cisco says:

    This is awesome.

    Epic even.

    And totally sounds like something Mitt3PO would do.

  57. 57
    Maxwel says:

    Kudos to Mo and Galen! I’ve never seen a race with a more perfect ending, at least from my view point.

  58. 58
    Mnemosyne (iPhone) says:

    @mai naem:

    So Romney is looking for a VP candidate who’s even less popular than he is?

    Somehow that would not surprise me. Mitt is not someone who shares the spotlight.

  59. 59
    LanceThruster says:

    @JGabriel:

    That could also too lock up the swing LDS vote with the promise of a white and delightsome administration.

  60. 60
    JPL says:

    Pro-Choice divorced Rudy whose children sometimes avoid him and Ms. Judy with a tiara. What a brilliant selection. The first ad will be of his praising the current President for sending Osama to the deep blue sea.

  61. 61
    scav says:

    Karl Rove appeared later on stage and reassured the GOP faithful that all the math assured him that this Election was “In the Bag”.

  62. 62
    kc says:

    Sadly, it took me several long moments to realize this is satire.

    It IS satire, right?

  63. 63
    MikeJ says:

    @mai naem: Rudy is going to win over the won’t vote for a cultist mormon Republicans?

  64. 64
    muddy says:

    @scav: Good one! I thought maybe Cheney was in there, having recommended himself yet again.

  65. 65
    muddy says:

    OT but I am watching the men’s volleyball, and I want to know why women can’t compete in baggy shorts and tanks, or why the men are not kitted out in speedos. Either would be fair, but personally the men in speedos version would suit me better.

  66. 66
  67. 67
    quannlace says:

    Will they be wearing matching Halloween costumes?

  68. 68
    Spatula says:

    Anyone else notice that the MittBott 2012’s eyes are often watery/moist as in this pic?

    Drugs? Allergies?

    Overflow of visual/mechanical fluid/lubricant?

  69. 69
    MikeJ says:

    @muddy: I think all competitors should go the full Athenian.

    Meanwhile, GBR loses on penalty kicks. Every No England fan surprised.

  70. 70
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @scav: That line would win, if the main post hadn’t already won.

  71. 71
    Tonal Crow says:

    Mitt’s co-pile-it will be The Trump. He’s losing the teabaggers, and hiring Trump is the fastest way to get them back onto the ranch.


    Romney: Like Sarah Palin, but with fewer scruples.

  72. 72
    debbyeOh says:

    Ya had me going cause I don’t put nuthin pass Mittens at this point!

  73. 73
    JPL says:

    @raven: whose tradition?

  74. 74
    JPL says:

    Will Mrs. G and Mrs. M campaign together? Will they talk about, horses or fashion?

  75. 75
    The Dangerman says:

    @muddy:

    …or why the men are not kitted out in speedos

    Are guys wearing cups? Getting a facial on a hard spike is no joy; taking one “there” wouldn’t be pleasant.

  76. 76
    Randiego says:

    Their constant lies were actually kind of amusing for awhile, but Romney’s lies about the Ohio voting lawsuit is making me hate these assholes: from TPM

    crap – how do you include the link?

  77. 77
    muddy says:

    @JPL: The Patriarchy!

  78. 78
    pat says:

    Jeez, this actually had me believing it for a while, thinking that it was designed to get even more suckers to get the app in order to BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.

    Glad I wasn’t the only one.

  79. 79
    muddy says:

    @The Dangerman: I can’t tell if they are wearing cups, their shorts are too baggy. If they need a cup they could put it in the speedo. The specially designed speedo.

  80. 80
    j says:

    @maya: @1 As long as they are plastic bags.

  81. 81
    pat says:

    OT, I love the Olympic uniforms. Bath robes for the judo, bikinis for the beach vollyball, ear warmers for the horses.

  82. 82
    Tony J says:

    @Randiego:

    Highlight the part of your comment you want to put the link in.

    Press the Link button.

    In the little box that pops up in the top left corner delete the http already there and paste in the full address of the piece you want to link to.

    Press ‘done’ – or whatever it’s called, and don’t panic that your post looks weird, it’ll look fine once you’ve posted it.

  83. 83
    Older_Wiser says:

    Even the comments convince me more than ever than Rmoney is nothing but a Big Joke.

    And he’s not even funny.

  84. 84
    j says:

    @mclaren: @28 John Fugelsang said he heard “from someone in the know” that Mitt will pick someone nobody has talked about. It will be a total surprise to everyone. He then went on to say, Rudy Giulliani!

    Cue the Bernie Kerrick oppo research.

  85. 85

    What does it say about Rmoney that I was about two thirds of the way through that before I was sure it was a joke?

  86. 86
    JPL says:

    @Older_Wiser: He could be our next president and that certainly would not be funny.

  87. 87
    j says:

    @mai naem: Oops, sorry. I’ll try to delete my reply. But, this is corroborating, isn’t it?

  88. 88

    Shit. I had to read the comments to fully realize this was satire. A tip of the hat to Dennis G.

  89. 89
    Older_Wiser says:

    @JPL: Ha ha, no, he couldn’t. He’ll never defeat Barack Obama.

  90. 90
    Stuck In 60s says:

    I think I had sex with that guy !

    Admittedly, the paper bag makes it difficult to be sure. But it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    Of course, he could always prove me wrong by showing that he doesn’t have a very special tatoo on his privates…

  91. 91
    Dennis G. says:

    @asiangrrlMN: so pleased to get you going…thanks for the ht

  92. 92
    JPL says:

    @muddy: Halloween could be filled with little girls and tiaras pretending to me be Ann and Judi.

  93. 93
    YellowJournalism says:

    @JPL: I guarantee you’re going to see Rafalca costumes this Halowen: horse in a tutu.

  94. 94
    YellowJournalism says:

    @JPL: I guarantee you’re going to see Rafalca costumes this Halowen: horse in a tutu.

  95. 95
    JPL says:

    @YellowJournalism: Sounds like a trick to me. That’s when I send them home with a nickle.

  96. 96
    jon says:

    So that lovable scamp Bertie Wooster finally hired a valet?

  97. 97
    moops says:

    @ABL:
    you don’t need to admit to such things.

  98. 98
    amk says:

    @jon: I know Bertie Wooster, mitt romney ain’t no Bertie Wooster.

    Nice snark Dennis.

  99. 99
    moops says:

    but I thought Romney already announced his VP, that IPhone App.

  100. 100
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    I had to laugh twice when I realized that this wasn’t real. Once for the great joke and again for the fact that the Republicans are so ‘out there’ that this could even seem feasible.

    Kudos for the fine balance of bullshit and surreality you have woven here Dengre. :)

  101. 101
    AnotherBruce says:

    @hells littlest angel:

    Hmmm Giuliani as VP, it would make for some fun VP debates with Biden. A noun, a verb, 911.

  102. 102
    AnotherBruce says:

    Gaah, as a west coaster, seems I’m late again. Sheesh, I only had to read 5 more comments down.

  103. 103
    mainmati says:

    @smintheus: Exactly, Truth is often stranger than fiction these days.

  104. 104
    Dr. Squid says:

    Mitt’s VP is The Shockmaster?

  105. 105
    Patricia Kayden says:

    This post had me going until the “voice distortion” part.

    Pretty funny!

  106. 106
    Reasonable 4ce says:

    Is that Pawlenty under the brown paper bag?

  107. 107
    redshirt says:

    Mitt Romney/Executive To Be Named Later 2012!

    Feel the CEO-oness.

  108. 108
    Dennis G. says:

    @Reasonable 4ce: That’s what a source told Harry Reid…

  109. 109
    Ash Can says:

    @The Dangerman: “Gene, Gene, had a machine; Joe, Joe. made it go; Frank, Frank, turned the crank; Art, Art…” OK, some things even I am not immature enough for.

    (Edited for formatting because WP sucks the farts out of dead pigeons.)

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