Mr. Romney builds an app
You could be the first to know who gets to be Mittster’s number two. Stealing a page from Obama’s 08 playbook, Team Rmoney developed a smartphone app to make the big announcement and it shall be called “Mitt’s VP.” I can hardly contain my excitement.
And it appears Team Rmoney is taking the data harvesting aspect to the next level.
But depending on how the Romney app works, it could provide even more demographic information to the Romney campaign. Upon instillation, the application asks permission to access data about where a user is located, and urges supporters to log in using social networks like Twitter. That could allow the campaign large-scale data harvesting, an invaluable tool for campaign staff looking to tailor advertising and fundraising efforts.
So far, it’s not flying off the shelves at the app store. The twitter just told me Obama’s new grassroots organizing app is swamping Mitt’s VP app in downloads.
Meanwhile the pride of the South Carolina, appearing “in Ann Arbor as part of a ‘Built By Us’ rally,” Gov. Nikki Haley says she doesn’t want to be VP or anything else in a Rmoney cabinet. Reasonably sure they weren’t planning on asking her.
Update: Apparently the plot hatched in the comment section is already working. Buzzfeed now reporting Romney is at #14 on the top free apps on the App Store, Obama’s app is at #165.
I have a feeling they are not all Romney supporters.
So far, it’s not flying off the shelves at the app store.
Yeah, I was gonna say. “Large scale data harvesting” is a bit optimistic.
Also too. He is copying what Obama and Biden did of touring together after the announcement. Is this guy just trying to re-do the Obama campaign but lamer?
ETA: I downloaded the Obama app which is a delight in design and ease of use. They allow you to sing in using social apps like twitter and facebook and also asks to use your location data. They are trumpeting what is just basic usage of push technology (get info from you) as I understand it as if they invented some glorious way to gather voter info. My Instagram app has exactly the same data about me! Idiots.
I tried downloading the Obama app, and it requires a higher OS than I have…shouldn’t someone be working on this?
Looks like they got the spelling of “VP” correct on the first try!
I suggest we all install the app. Crash the fucker. If Daily Caller can respond to a hack by offering to develop more insane shooters in Theatres, let’s hack ’em good
@Bud: They don’t have a Android version yet either. I’m pissed, so I’m voting for the Romneybot(now with Windows ME!).
/snark
I sense a ‘selection’ problem in the air. How many elderly people, and weak minded ones at that, will have ‘app’, or even a platform to have an ‘app’ on in the first place?
From what we have seen so far, there is a good chance they will mess (euphemism alert) this up. But even if they don’t the demographic picking much poorer than with the Obama team.
@BillinGlendaleCA:
I thought I saw the android button on the page. Did I dream that?
ETA: I see it’s coming soon.
I predict this will be as sought-after a product as Glenn Beck’s alternative Glee or the Republican version of Comedy Central.
It’s not an app. It’s a worm.
@Valdivia: No dream, but it says it’s not available yet. Only goes to prove that they’re elitist snobs.
PS: I eagerly await the Android version.
I’m not exactly sure what useful info either of these apps are going to tease out of the raw data, but Team Obama was on this a loooooooong time ago. I vaguely recall an article about the Obama campaign’s work on this (Project Narwhal?), and it’s more than just an app.
I don’t know why people like my mom are concerned about this election. Even though I want him to lose miserably, Mitt is just so bad at politics that it makes junkies like me cringe in embarrassment.
SC taxpayers just footed a bill for over $100K to get a ruling that their governor wasn’t a crook. Money well spent, eh?
Given the most likely VP candidates, I suggest that a special snore alarm would be appropriate. Maybe the hackers who try to mess with this thing can put that in.
I like how it’s in the ‘Business’ section of the App Store. Somehow seems fitting.
I’m just struck by the hilarity of a Romney app, considering that Spotlight magazine has been out of business for about 15 years now, and “Good ‘Ol Days” went out of publication even further back.
Maybe they can give out S&H Green Stamp Apps at the same time…
ETA – Holy Shit, Batman! That paen to white cultural Christian exceptionalism is still being printed, even though most of its target demographic is 6 feet under.
BWWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
The press is hammering Mitty.
Check out this ABC Video:
http://youtu.be/UlQhnCqfaBo
The latest speculation for VP is Pam Bondi, Florida’s Attorney General. She’s a hot young woman. I can’t imagine he’d pick her after the Palin debacle. Plus she’s twice married and divorced and postponed her wedding to her latest fiance under odd circumstances. I don’t know if her resemblance to a FoxBot is enough to overcome the Palin comparisons. I don’t think the media will be quite as kind this time around if he picks someone like her.
Also, too, let’s not lose sight of the bigger picture here, people. Mitt Romney and his campaign just demonstrated the ability to write and submit an app which passed Apple’s review. That’s a level of competence a step or two above what they’ve demonstrated recently.
@dmsilev: There are always going to be competent vendors around the edges. I still maintain that the core staff cannot feed and dress itself without help.
@TK-421: I can think of few ways to use the data so long as one gets it (or at least baseline it) and the analytical tools in place early early enough during the cycle. And why they bother with a team that seems unable to adapt itself to A) suggestions or B) reality, well, don’t look at me.
So should we all be signing up for this app to mess with the demographic information R-money collects?
Want to crash the Romneybot operating system? There’s an app for that.
@Haydnseek:
Do tell
“America’s Comeback Team” consists of either Mitt Romney + Tim Pawlenty or Mitt Romney + Bobby Jindal.
I know how we got here but I kept expecting somebody to stop it at some point.
I wonder if Mitt’s campaign thinks he should pick Jindal to impress the Latinos thinking they won’t notice that, although he’s brown, he’s of Indian heritage.
@Ben Franklin: Turn it on?
(ETA How I wish I’d phrased that differently.)
@Violet: You would think they’d have given up by now of throwing out shiny object VP announcements, since everyone knows they’re just chum, and they don’t seem to be serving their purpose of distracting from Mitt’s scandals and stumbles.
(The VP stories may be getting covered, but I don’t count someone who can write “speculation about who the Republican presidential candidate will select to be his No. 2 has reached a fever pitch” as a “journalist” who would be investigating scandals if they weren’t being distracted.)
I would also like to announce that I do not want to be the VP on the Romney ticket.
@scav: Bwa ha ha; I was sitting over here snorting.
@Mark B.: I am also going to have to decline to join Gov. Romney on the ticket.
Romney/SkyNet 2012!
@dmsilev: No surprise, given that donating to the RNC gets you a “Platinum Card”.
MSNBC: This is the worst foreign trip since Romney’s own father returned from Vietnam in 1967, saying he had been “brainwashed”.
I guess being a gaffe machine is genetic.
@Violet:
Way to think with your dicks. Romney ’12 can’t lose now.
@Violet: I don’t think the Romney campaign really wants to field questions as to why their VP candidate let Lender Processing off the hook for their role in the robosigning scandal.
@dmsilev: Or alternately, they’re again demonstrating their “more money than sense” strategy — they hired someone to write a one-note app instead of doing what the Obama campaign did in ’08 and set up a web page where you could sign up to get a text message.
I can just imagine a meeting where some app developer (probably with nepotistic connections) got to sell them on how it would be cutting-edge and synergistic.
@Mark B.:
/fixed
@Ripley: Skynet became self aware April 19, 2011, at 20:11. You must be 35 years old to be president (or vice president).
WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?
@Zifnab: The Romney campaign could use a few Starbursts, but I’m not sure Palin 2.0: Blonde like a Fox(Newsreader) is the path they want to choose.
For the record, I also decline the great
horrorhonor of sharing the ticket with Mr. Rmoney.WH issues veto threat on Bush tax cuts
What about that computer that won at Jeopardy for VP? It would probably be able to fill the gaps in Mitt’s knowledge of foreign countries. And I’m sure they’d be intellectually compatible.
@MikeJ: That’s some nice work.
@RossinDetroit: And physically compatible, too.
@Zifnab:
Pam Bondi’s young-ish and attractive, for a running mate, but at 46 she’s actually older than Sarah Palin was in 2008. But she’s quite likely not that well-known in Florida, let alone elsewhere. It might be that she has no real political ambitions beyond her state, and would suffer no downside if she were Mitt’s running mate and they lost.
Does it matter who Romney picks as VP? I think right now, people pretty much know whose side they’re on. I doubt there are loads of undecided voters out there sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for Romney’s VP pick. The media will fluff it up after the announcement and then we go back to status quo.
@Violet: Boortz mentioned Bonding on his show. Didn’t give a reason as to why she’d be good other than she’d be “ahhhh”. Given her record of fail with the Florida courts on easy stuff, SHE’D BE PERFECT. And one more blonde the Foxholes could swoon over.
Obama should create a Romney Tax Return app to announce when Romney releases his tax returns. And every day, the app should send a notice that says “Not Today!”
@RossinDetroit: @shortstop: Possible Possible, but C3P0 is a protocol droid and that fills a gap. that nice shiny color might appeal to goldbugs or pass for blond.
@scav: You’re in fine form today.
@Violet:
Well, having the Florida Attorney General on the ticket should come in handy during the recount phase. Or, you know, not the recount phase.
If he was to shake your hand at a campaign stop, check for your wallet
He never speaks with one tongue
All the records from his stint as Massachusetts governor and as head of the SLC Olympics have been suspiciously shredded
He cheats and trips relatives at family gatherings so he can win events
His tax returns are under lock and key to hide his fraudulent activity
He is the most dishonest man in the world.
“I don’t ever drink beer, but if I did, I’d drink yours too.”
Supported by Citizens United, Old White Men, GOP
Please vote irresponsibly
“Eat cake my friends”
I thought the Romneybot was the GOP Android application for president.
@shortstop: sshldjk, shuffle, thank you. I really need to find more of this coffee if true.
@Baud: I was just looking at Google’s Play Store, there’s already an app that does that.
@hep kitty: They can’t say they were not warned
I thought the Romneybot was the GOP Android application for president.
I haven’t seen anything of the app, like you see here on the Obama app, but that intro page ain’t real promising
@shortstop: sshldjk, shuffle, thank you. I really need to find more of this coffee if true.
@Baud: Was just over at Google Play, looks like there’s an app for that.
I haven’t seen anything of the app, like you see here on the Obama app, but that intro page ain’t real promising
I’ll buy it if it helps me do my taxes.
@Thoughtcrime: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
@Baud: Looks like there’s an android app for that.
@Thoughtcrime: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
You know, I think I would accept the offer to be Romney’s running mate. Sure, he’s a conniving amoral SOB, but it’s only a couple of months and think of how much damage you could do. I’d start by releasing all of my tax returns (going right back to when I could file a 1040EZ; those won’t take long for reporters to look through), come up with a stump speech that praises Mitt’s health-care accomplishments in Massachusetts, etc.
@Baud: Looks like there’s an android app for that.
@Thoughtcrime: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
@Thoughtcrime: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
@dmsilev: I think we should make it a condition that when Mitt Romney finally does this he speak in the style of Mr Burns and say “Smithers, release the returns!”
@hep kitty: good news.
@dmsilev: I think we should make it a condition that when Mitt Romney finally does this he speak in the style of Mr Burns and say “Smithers, release the returns!”
@dmsilev: I think we should make it a condition that when Mitt Romney finally does this he speak in the style of Mr Burns and say “Smithers, release the returns!”
@jrg: It doesn’t do taxes, but it does come with a complimentary offshore account (with zero dollars in it).
Agh. Sorry. I just submitted once, but it froze. And then, this.
Edit: Actually, twice. I really only submitted each comment once, I promise.
@Keith: Whoever wrote that story spelled “installation” wrong… instillation. Really?
@BillinGlendaleCA: Bah! I’m always two steps behind.
I would guess the app *IS* the VP pick. Sort of like Cheney announcing the VP pick is Cheney.
that would at least be interesting and radical…but they have the usual risk of the VP being more charming than the main candidate.
and no issue of the VP releasing more tax returns than Rmoney. The App can probably have all the same rights as a citizen, much like a corporation. In fact, it probably is incorporated, and thus vested with all the political rights.
Romney/App 2012
@Thoughtcrime:
gah! beat me to my funny with something better….
@moops: heh =)
@Bill E Pilgrim:
Unstuck in time and abducted by aliens?
IPhone App as VP also handles the problem of which politician is ready to go down with this ship. The artificial one, of course. At least, the one that is literally artificial.
Kept on getting a server error, soory for the dups.
@moops: Come to think of it, somebody should be representing all those Dibold machines voting their little hearts out with nothing in it for themselves. App for VP012!!!
@Thoughtcrime: So it goes.
Actually I was teasing about your comment posting verbatim twice with my Airplane! quote.
And then suddenly I was the one chronosynclastically infundibulated. Cosmic justice.
A programmer testing Mitt’s Android application:
Programmer: You’re in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down…
Mitt: What one?
Programmer: What?
Mitt: What desert?
Programmer: It doesn’t make any difference what desert, it’s completely hypothetical.
Mitt: But, how come I’d be there?
Programmer: Maybe you’re fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look down and see a tortoise, Mitt. It’s crawling toward you…
Mitt: Tortoise? What’s that?
Programmer: [irritated by Mitt’s interruptions] You know what a turtle is?
Mitt: Of course!
Programmer: Same thing.
Mitt: I’ve never seen a turtle… But I understand what you mean.
Programmer: You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, Mitt.
Mitt: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Programmer? Or do they write ’em down for you?
Programmer: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping.
Mitt: [angry at the suggestion] What do you mean, I’m not helping?
Programmer: I mean: you’re not helping! Why is that, Mitt?
[Mitt has become visibly shaken]
Programmer: They’re just questions, Mitt. In answer to your query, they’re written down for me. It’s a test, designed to provoke an emotional response… Shall we continue?
FTFA “our new ‘Mitt’s VP’ app,” said Romney digital director Zac Moffatt in a statement “
taken out of context, it would seem Mitt has already announced his running mate. A being with absolutely no past whatsoever.
If they did end up choosing a Palin-type eye candy VP, I’d consider it a sign of desperation. The hottie strategy is what asshole dudebro types always go with when they think they need some kind of trump card.
…not THAT kind of Trump.
@Bill E Pilgrim:
I know, but I couldn’t help slipping in a SH5 reference.
@Amir Khalid:
Which would make Bondi’s selection as Palin 2: the Queasening all the more familiar.
My parents have lived in Alaska all my life, and I had no idea who Sarah Palin was prior to McCain picking her.
@Xecky Gilchrist: Even if apps were more common back them they couldn’t possibly have put Sarah Palin on anything that runs on a “smart phone”. It would have rejected her as incompatible.
Dear Mr. Romney:
Please remove my name from consideration as your Vice-Presidential candidate.
Thank you,
JR in WV
@Thoughtcrime: Of course. And I raised you a SOT reference. I just reread that actually, or listened to it to be more accurate. I think that’s actually my favorite novel, even putting Schlachthof Fünf in second place.
Based upon the Romney campaign’s level of sanity thus far, I fully expect them to reach back to ancient historical precedent and select Rafalca as his running mate.
@Thoughtcrime: Haha, good one! Blade Runner FTW
@Bill E Pilgrim:
I’m embarrassed to admit I haven’t yet read SOT — hangs head in shame — better get to it.
I loved CC but it’s been so long that I’ll need to re-read.
@Thoughtcrime:
The conventional wisdom is that Romney’s isn’t going to select a running mate that’s more charismatic than he is.
Kiss-My-AssGate is so bad they back to floating improbable veep choices to distract people.
The key you have to leak an implausible choice to generate a counter story. Simply mentioning a boring white guy won’t grab anyone’s interest.
So I suspect they push a list of go-to distraction names over the next three weeks to grab headlines: Rand Paul, John Bolton, Alan West, Donald Trump, Orly Taits, etc.
Does anyone know if Adelson’s been appointed to head the search for VP?
@Thoughtcrime:The Rafalca cannot hear the rafalconer?
Things are definitely falling apart for Romney. The center cannot hold, even if he were interested in holding it.
I kept saying this, he’s just odd. Anyone undecided at this point, and by this point I mean any time this decade, is let’s face it the kind of voter who decides based on cosmetics, and I’m sorry, Romney is just weird. Gawky, awkward, foot permanently implanted in his mouth, etc.
He’s also steeped in the Fox News/Rush culture, in which obnoxious we’re numnber one! USA! statements are the normal fare– all we saw in the UK is how that actually looks outside the dark, cockroachy corners of the right wingo-sphere that we’ve all become used to.
@Thoughtcrime: It’s really the best of all. Though you can see how it’s leading to SL5, which is really the masterpiece he was reaching for all those years.
Okay, I’ve contradicted myself. It’s like trying to choose between children, which one is your favorite.
The army, for example, which he paints a portrait of much more directly in Slaughterhouse Five, he satirizes in more oblique form with the Army of Mars in Sirens of Titan.
It’s brilliant, really, just go read it. Warm and human and deeply comical. Or is that deeply human and warmly comic. Well you know what I mean.
@David Koch:
I think Ru Paul, Michael Bolton, Adam West, Donald Duck, and Tori Spelling are better choices.
@Bill E Pilgrim:
Warmly Kurt and deeply Vonnegut, or deeply Kurt and warmly Vonnegut?
I’ll definitely read it.
@Thoughtcrime:
You win the Internet for the year.
@Baud:
Then Mr. Ed is right out too.
I wonder if Wilbur’s available?
@Thoughtcrime:
On a cheap Asus tablet…
@Violet:
Bondi, Pam Bondi.
They could name the ticket “Skyfail”.
But what would Mrs. R think of Mittens with a Bondi girl as running mate?
@Ripley:
Game over, man…game over.
Romney/Squirrel 2012
@Baud: Love it!
And, for the record, I am refusing the post of Romney’s Vice President. And so do all my cats.
@MattR: I downloaded it, with that thought sort in the back of my mind.
“What? HOW CAN ALL THESE DEAD PEOPLE BE DOWNLOADING MY APP?”
not bad
To get a “balanced ticket”, Mitt needs to select a VP that is an actual human.
Or, as similar robotic persona might put it, a “meatbag”.
Romney/Meatbag-2012!
@Bill E Pilgrim: “Greetings.”
Yeah, SOT really is the best.
@shortstop: If nominated I will not run; if elected I will not serve, even though I can see Canada and am therefore highly qualified.
How much of this thread is going to get mined by talk show monologue writers?
@hep kitty: Something tells me Jindal is not going to be the VP nominee.
@Violet: No way. Pam Bondi is NOT squeaky clean. Actually, she kind of sucks. Of course, despite Sunshine laws, Florida pols are experts at hiding the bodies.
@dmsilev: Hah. I’ll be more impressed if they make it a couple weeks without running into snags, such as sudden API changes or quiet conversations with the Apple goons.
@Thoughtcrime: “Eat cake my friends”
sniggering over here at the most interesting joke in the world ;)
@Todd: Hey, no need to be slagging on Asus, they make good stuff…
I say Romney should name George Washington his VP running mate.
After all, if Mitt could posthumously convert Washington, why not get his posthumous acceptance of a VP slot?
@moops:
Any bets on how soon the rats flee that sinking ship?
@Thoughtcrime: Well, she is female…
She’s real pretty, too, and I gotta say she’s a lot more graceful than Mitt Romney is.
I’m in favor of it. Couldn’t hurt.
@TK-421:
You’re wondering why your mom’s worried about the election? Two words:
*.
The Republican Party has put a lot more work into suppressing the vote than Romney’s team has in developing a crappy app. Or have you not been following the Pennsylvania threads on this very blog?**
* I’m sure someone else has already mentioned this, I just couldn’t wait to read the rest of the comments before jumping like a rabid squirrel.
** My rude-o-meter isn’t functioning today, so if I’m offensive… Eh. Whatever.
@TK-421:
You’re wondering why your mom’s worried about the election? Two words:
*.
The Republican Party has put a lot more work into suppressing the vote than Romney’s team has in developing a crappy app. Or have you not been following the Pennsylvania threads on this very blog?**
* I’m sure someone else has already mentioned this, I just couldn’t wait to read the rest of the comments before jumping like a rabid squirrel.
** My rude-o-meter isn’t functioning today, so if I’m offensive… Eh. Whatever.
@TK-421:
You’re wondering why anyone (can’t speak for your mother) worries about the election? Two words:
*.
The Republican Party has put a lot more work into suppressing the vote than Romney’s team has in developing a crappy app. Or have you not been following the Pennsylvania threads on this very blog?**
* I’m sure someone else has already mentioned this, I just couldn’t wait to read the rest of the comments before jumping like a rabid squirrel.
** My rude-o-meter isn’t functioning today, so if I’m offensive… Eh. Whatever.
@TK-421:
You’re wondering why anyone (can’t speak for your mother) worries about the election? Two words:
*.
The Republican Party has put a lot more work into suppressing the vote than Romney’s team has in developing a crappy app. Or have you not been following the Pennsylvania threads on this very blog?**
* I’m sure someone else has already mentioned this, I just couldn’t wait to read the rest of the comments before jumping like a rabid squirrel.
** My rude-o-meter isn’t functioning today, so if I’m offensive… Eh. Whatever.
Apologies for formatting fails, and possible duplicate comments. Server kept timing out on me while trying to post.
Also, shouldn’t speak for your mother, but I’m really, really worried about this election.
Oh for the love of FSM, how did I post 4 times?? Any moderators around that can help fix my horrible mistake?