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You are here: Home / Open Threads / The War on Women at the Fireworks Stand

The War on Women at the Fireworks Stand

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Fireworks art has never been a tribute to the supposed enlightenment of the human race, but this year’s crop seems to be a lot more misogynist than usual. Click on the picture to see a few more examples. Here’s an open thread to discuss the efforts in your part of the world to blow your fingers off, or anything else you might be doing.

Reader Interactions

106Comments

  1. 1.

    Hunter Gathers

    Way too dry for exploders, missiles and whatnot. Kiddie stuff only. Damn global warming. Don’t want to set my lawn on fire.

  2. 2.

    Linda Featheringill

    Shotgun Wedding is interesting. It’s totally her fault that they’re having such a wedding, right? He had nothing to do with it.

    But you’re right. High art it ain’t.

  4. 4.

    SiubhanDuinne

    “WARNING: Shoots Flaming Balls” made me laugh.

  6. 6.

    Kristine

    Baked cookies. Grilled salmon. It was 100F in the shade today in far NE Illinois. I’ve heard rumors of a wind change and subsequent cool down near the lake, but I ain’t seeing it.

    Not looking forward to the town’s fireworks tonight, because King gets all upset and wants to revert to lapdog status. He’s pushing 120 lbs. I don’t have that much lap.

  7. 7.

    Violet

    That Blond Joke one–are those 80’s stock photos? The haircuts don’t look current.

    Edit, Blond Joke, not Blond Moment.

  8. 8.

    Linda Featheringill

    Perhaps the most significant story on the front page of the NYT:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/05/us/for-midwest-corn-crop-the-pressure-rises-like-the-heat.html?_r=1&hp

    These heat waves are reducing our grain production. This particular story is about corn, with some talk about soybeans. Another story, from GOS, is more general and talks about photosynthesis itself stopping at higher temps.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/02/1105470/-Farenheit-104-40-degrees-C-is-a-number-everyone-should-know

    Welcome to the new world.

    Edited because I’m a klutz.

  9. 9.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Kristine:
    I have that problem with Cueball, he HATES thunderstorms and fireworks. Luckily for me Daddy is home so he will more than likely try to sit on his lap on the recliner instead of on mine on the computer chair.

  10. 10.

    karen

    In DC fireworks are legal. In Maryland they are not. I don’t know about Virginia.

  11. 11.

    Jewish Steel

    That is super bizarre.

    What is the Baby Boomer’s graphic meant to be putting us in mind of? I’m baffled by that one.

  12. 12.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    @Jewish Steel: Maybe the guy is a Boomer saying to someone from another – any other – generation: “ghaaaah, your music sucks.”

    ETA: or to himself, “Did we *really* say ‘don’t trust anyone over 30’?” which would explain the “Too Old” verbiage up in the corner.

  14. 14.

    Phylllis

    Here in Tinytown the City partners with two local industries to put on the fireworks. It’s a pretty good show. The hubs has to go back to work tomorrow, so we’ve kept the celebrating low key.

  18. 18.

    gogol's wife

    I hate fireworks. Windows closed, A/C on, all fans on, I will turn on “Dallas” at top volume to drown out whatever’s going on outside.

  19. 19.

    PeakVT

    Nice little thunderstorm rolling through right now. There’s shredded tree leaves all over the windows. The power is still on, though to be fair I live less than a mile from the city’s plant.

  23. 23.

    Southern Beale

    Hey all. Here’s a nice little thing: a Florida lifeguard employed by a private contractor was fired after he left his station and saved a man drowning outside the contracted area. When 6 other lifeguards stood up for him and said they’d do the same thing, they got fired, too.

    Freedom! Ain’t it grand?

  24. 24.

    N M

    So I have been reading and lurking via iPhone and the mobile layout a lot lately, and is it bad that I click through all the mittens ads to cost him money? Amusingly I now almost always get mittens ads, except the gardening threads :).

    Anyone have an idea how much I am costing him per impression and per click through?

    Npm

  25. 25.

    Violet

    @N M: Heh. Great idea. I’ve been clicking on a ad here or there on Balloon Juice to give John a bit of cash. I’ll click on some Mittens ads when I see them.

  26. 26.

    lamh35

    deleted…duplicate? I”m not sure how can edit this one but not the other? oh well. I will just say that “Latter Day” regardless of the fact that it’s a “gay romance” is one of the best romance movies I”ve seen gay or not.

  27. 27.

    lamh35

    Well I was watching the Superman marathon on Encore Action Network, now I’m watching one of my fav lil indy movie called “Latter Day” Hmm, I’m betting Romney is not a fan of this movie. Too bad, it’s a pretty good movie.

    Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss) and Christian Markelli (Wes Ramsey) are the two most opposite people in the world. Aaron is a young Elder (or a Mormon missionary) who wants to do his family proud and is quite passionate about his religion and film. Christian is a shallow WeHo waiter/party boy who only looks forward to bedding a new guy every night. After Aaron and three other missionaries move into the apartment across from Christian, his friends bet him $50 that he can’t get one of them to jump into the sack, so he instantly latches onto Aaron. There are two problems, though – Christian is falling in love with Aaron and the Mormons are not the biggest fans of the homosexual community. Once Aaron is discovered, the two have to go through trials of regret, loss, perseverance, and forgiveness if they both want to get to the thing that matters to them most: each other.

  28. 28.

    quannlace

    Glad there’s a general ban on fireworks here in New Jersey- Not fond memories of kids rolling cherry bombs under your bicycle.
    But I do miss sparklers. Were they really that big a danger?

  29. 29.

    ouidcom

    It’s only fireworks. I don’t think there is any reason to get bent out of shape about it.

  30. 30.

    Southern Beale

    @quannlace:

    We haven’t had rain in middle Tennessee in like, 2 months. And it’s been 100+ so needless to say, we are crispy and ready to combust here. So of course NPR did a nice little segment on the asshole fireworks seller in LaVergne (wingnut town south of Nashville) who proudly says “FUCK THAT SHIT I’M SELLING! It’s MY July Fourth!” He said if “they” can’t catch him then so what.

    I was secretly hoping he sparked a massive wildfire and major lawsuits would result. But that would make me a very mean person, I know. I’m trying to be better.

  34. 34.

    Downpuppy

    I made salmon & blogged about comics to fill in the time before it gets dark & the flaming balls start going boom.

    No drought in Boston, but family in Columbus has been suffering heat. They finally got their power back.

    The weak response to the multiple small disasters of the last weeks is something to think about – later.

  35. 35.

    Violet

    @Southern Beale:

    We haven’t had rain in middle Tennessee in like, 2 months. And it’s been 100+ so needless to say, we are crispy and ready to combust here.

    I sympathize as that was us last summer. It was miserable. I hope you guys get some rain soon. And cooler weather.

  37. 37.

    khead

    Here’s an open thread to discuss the efforts in your part of the world to blow your fingers off, or anything else you might be doing.

    We used to throw M-80’s into the fishing hole/creek where I grew up.

    Glad I did not end up like this kid.

  38. 38.

    realbtl

    Here in Montana you can still buy the old fashioned “unsafe and insane” fireworks. I started hearing them about 4 nights ago and will probably hear them for another couple. Luckily the 2nd and 3rd were rainy. A few years were a bit worrisome.

  42. 42.

    Southern Beale

    Husband refuses to watch The Capitol Fourth thing, and was pushing for the New Girl marathon. I said over my dead body. So we’re watching the new Dallas for the first time.

    When I lived in Copenhagen back in the ’80s they got Dallas reruns which we watched religiously. It was a taste of home.

  43. 43.

    JGabriel, Statist Minded Ideologue of the Left

    @Jewish Steel:

    What is the Baby Boomer’s graphic meant to be putting us in mind of? I’m baffled by that one.

    Things that go “Boom!”

    I’m utterly puzzled by the Blond(sic)/Fireworks jokes, though. I suspect they’re supposed to be double entendres, but I’m not even getting a single entendre from them. Maybe the manufacturers just think blondes sell.

    ETA: Oops, for some reason I thought you meant the title, not the graphics. My bad.

    .

  46. 46.

    Linda Featheringill

    @efgoldman:

    I know I probably sound like a spokesperson for The Progressive Farmer, but any society really depends on its ability to produce food.

    And yes, I realize I’m preaching to the choir.

  47. 47.

    gogol's wife

    @Southern Beale:

    It’s really not as bad as I expected. The new John Ross is pretty good, and Larry Hagman is still great. I found myself actually feeling hooked about halfway through the second one.

  50. 50.

    Violet

    @Linda Featheringill: When I turned on the TV here in my red state the other day and the local news was showing panel of people sitting at a table. Turned out they were folks that you could phone to ask questions about the ACA. This was our local news sponsoring a panel to answer questions about Obamacare and how affects people. In a red state. I think my jaw hit the floor. There has to be some kind of groundswell of requests for it or the news wouldn’t have assembled the group and kept mentioning it.

    The talk has turned from “repeal Obamacare” to “how will it affect me?” When that happens it’s a win for the ACA.

  51. 51.

    urlhix

    F this weather. I lost most of my heirloom tomato crop over the weekend to sun scald. Many thousands of dollars. Been trying to figure out what I’m going to do to replace the lost farmers market income. Maybe I’ll get lucky and a stray firework will burn the whole place down and I can finally get out of the hellhole that is Georgia.

  52. 52.

    kwallio

    I think the blonde is referring to the color of the sparks. Yellow is easiest to make, I think.

  53. 53.

    different-church-lady

    The existence of “Dance Moms” in our world concerns me far more than any bad-pun based illustration on a fireworks box ever will.

  55. 55.

    suzanne

    I will be trying to keep Luna, my 70-pound pit bull, from pissing herself in fear tonight. Here in Phoenix, we actually got a really nice soaking today, and I think any major celebrations will be canceled, but that never stops a few of my neighbors.

    Two New Year’s Eves ago, Luna tore a hole in her brand-new doggie bed trying to crawl into it to hide from the noise.

  57. 57.

    Linda Featheringill

    @urlhix:

    I lost most of my heirloom tomato crop over the weekend to sun scald.

    I’m sorry for your financial blow.

    Hang in there.

  58. 58.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Jewish Steel:

    You have appropriated what was meant to be an insult, I think.

    Hardly the first time. I was part of the “Lying Socialist Weasels” on USENET back in the 90’s.

  67. 67.

    JGabriel, Statist Minded Ideologue of the Left

    @Jewish Steel:

    You have appropriated what was meant to be an insult, I think.

    Yes, I have. It made me laugh, even though it was directed towards my beliefs.

    ETA: I am getting a little tired of it though, and may revert to original just “JGabriel” soon.

    .

  69. 69.

    Anne Laurie

    @jeffreyw: Don’t think that qualifies as “knee high by the Fourth of July”. Bad news for poor people around the globe, but maybe cane sugar will end up competitive with HFCS?

  70. 70.

    JGabriel, Statist Minded Ideologue of the Left

    @Jewish Steel:

    Nothing takes the wind out of their sails (whoever they may be) like rhetorical ju-jitsu.

    It was General Stuck, whose posts I like; no mocking of the General was intended.
    .

  74. 74.

    MazeDancer

    Fireworks that do nothing but make loud noise and scare pets and contribute to the misery of 99% of the neighborhood are not an expression of patriotism or freedom, they’re stupid.

    Really don’t like them. Don’t understand why anyone does.

  75. 75.

    JPL

    I’m watching PBS and the White House fireworks with my back door open and watching Roswell’s fireworks at the same time. I will say the local bands are okay but sweet caroline was questionable.

  77. 77.

    JPL

    @MazeDancer: My pup’s hearing is going.. She went up to the back fence earlier and sat so she could hear the bands. Now she just went to bed. She loves the bands and is not selective.

  78. 78.

    jeffreyw

    @Anne Laurie: To be fair, I “nutpicked” that particular stand. The rest of the field is taller but not really any better looking. I’m worried that this drought is just the sort of thing that a warming earth will bring again and again, broken only by floods and tornadoes. Fucking Al Gore.

  79. 79.

    urlhix

    @Raven: Hit a nerve, huh? You didn’t have to comment in the first place, I’m just replying. Fact is that Athens, GA has one of the lowest average wages in the country. It’s a great place to retire, or be a student, like I said, but for the working man it is a crap place to try and make a living.

  80. 80.

    JPL

    From my back yard I can only see a patchwork of colors but even though I feel like I’m four and seeing my first fireworks. It is magical.

  84. 84.

    Raven

    @Jewish Steel: Niece’s wedding. Hoping to challenge the deep blue on an extreme fishing trip but the project 20-25 mph winds with 35 mph gusts are not encouraging.

  86. 86.

    burnspbesq

    @different-church-lady:

    The existence of “Dance Moms” in our world concerns me far more than any bad-pun based illustration on a fireworks box ever will.

    No shit. As the parent of a male dancer, I’ve had a front-row seat for some of the most bizarre behavior you could possibly imagine.

  89. 89.

    burnspbesq

    @Raven:

    It’s a tourist trap, but Cheeseburger in Paradise really does have great burgers, and it’s reasonably convenient to all the main resort areas (right in the middle of downtown Lahaina).

  90. 90.

    JGabriel

    I am no longer a statist minded ideologue of the left.

    Well, actually, I still am, but I am no longer using the title. It’s just such a slog to read every time someone quotes me.

    .

  92. 92.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @JPL: Up here it is very overcast. I can hear the booms but can’t see a thing. But I know what you mean, I’m always like a little kid when there’s a good fireworks display. Maybe next year. . .

  93. 93.

    kideni

    The Baby Boomer packaging stumped me, so I’m glad others had theories. The only good thing about the heat is that there have been almost no neighborhood firecrackers — I’m pleasantly surprised that people are being sane about that.

    Otherwise, yay, here in Madison we went over 100 for the first time since 1995. I’d hoped it would never happen. I’m such a heat wimp that for the past two weeks I’ve had headaches every night because well, the dog still needs a walk between 5 and 6, and even though most times I just walk her a couple of blocks to the river and throw sticks for her to swim after, it’s still too much for my system when I get back to the third-floor walk-up where all we have are a couple of window units, and once or twice an evening it overtaxes a circuit, so I have to go three flights down to the basement and flip the switch (at least it’s not like the old place, which was on fuses and even more sensitive — we couldn’t use the toaster and the microwave at the same time). The place just can’t get cool. Today I managed to avoid the headache and some of the heat through the grace of a friend who had me over to hang out in her central air while our dogs played together.

    Oh well. At least the manuscript I’m editing is a translation of a Danish woman’s account of life among the Sami of northern Sweden. Snow. Ice. Reindeer. Joiking. Birch trees.

  96. 96.

    urlhix

    From the sounds of it, the drug dealers up the road, who are GREAT neighbors, are going through with their annual fireworks war, weather be damned.

    /dogs under the desk

  97. 97.

    urlhix

    And just to be clear, beer is the only thing I partake. As long as you don’t mess with me, I don’t care what you do. Party on, dude.

  98. 98.

    Gretchen

    I went to the local 4th celebration here in Kansas, and all the politicians were Republicans. Our only choices are insane, or less insane, Republicans.

  99. 99.

    dr. luba

    The MIchigan state legislature, in its drive to turn us into a red state, decided to legalize fireworks this year. Previously, only sparklers, bottle rockets and the like were allowed. Now it seems anyone can buy pretty much anything they want. I feel like I’m living in a combat zone, and have the past week.

    Local communities are not allowed to ban fireworks for the day before, day of, and day after a holiday. Not sure which holidays are covered. Arbor Day? Columbus Day?

    And the rationale is why should we let neighboring states make all that money on fireworks, when local businessmen could? Never mind safety or peace and quiet.

    Luckily, my neighborhood has had massive showers in-between 100 degree heat the past two days. So the pyrotechnomaniacs haven’t set anything on fire here yet. I did have fireworks going off over my house, even though there is a perfectly fine lake 100 feet away that the morons could have launched them over safely.

  100. 100.

    shortstop

    I am bewildered by all you denizens of other blue states and cities expressing thanks that fireworks are illegal in your locales. Do y’all mean that people observe these statutes and ordinances? Here in Chicago, fireworks are banned except for professional displays, and yet it’s been life during wartime outside my window for seven nights.

  101. 101.

    pseudonymous in nc

    All the firework fetishists here head down to SC, purveyor of big-boom pyrotechnics to all surrounding states. It’s not quite tindersticks weather here, but I wouldn’t want to be shooting off big rockets near vegetation.

    @shortstop:

    Do y’all mean that people observe these statutes and ordinances?

    In a way, I’d like an everything-goes attitude just to take away the thrill of driving back across the state line with a car full of recreational explosives, but the potential for harm is probably too great.

  102. 102.

    Bago

    @N M: Ah, another ad industry vet. At least you know that Romney, he’ll be able to pay his CPM and clickthrough rates.

  103. 103.

    bjacques

    This is why I’m glad the big fireworks holiday in the Netherlands is New Year’s Eve. In the dead of winter, things are less likely to catch fire.

    Except that grand canal house that took a rocket in the attic five years ago and lost the top two stories.

    There’s also that illegal fireworks warehouse that took out a few blocks in Enschede about 10 years ago.

    People seem to have gotten a bit saner over the years, though.

  104. 104.

    Herbal Infusion Bagger

    Not of interest to anyone but hard core British Comedy lovers but Eric Sykes died today.

    Sykes was a fantastic comic. His film “The Plank” is a classic of no-dialog comedy. His BBC series with him and Hattie Jacques was also very funny.

  105. 105.

    dr. luba

    @shortstop: I’ve noticed a huge difference between last year, when most fireworks were illegal, and this year, when most are legal. In the past it was roman candles, firecrackers and bottle rockets for the most part, noisy but minor. Some people would go out of state and buy bigger stuff, but there wasn’t that much of it around. My brother joked that my neighborhood was like Saigon during the fall on he 4th–we’re near a lake, and everyone has big parties and the population increases about 10x.

    This year, there were major fireworks, light-up-the-sky kind everywhere. They were gong off constantly in my parents’ yard in a (formerly) quiet suburb. It was as noisy around my brother’s house a week before the 4th as it was at my house on the 4th in years past.

    So yes, there were always scofflaws, and not much enforcement, but there’s a huge difference between having to travel out of state to get the fireworks and picking some up from bubba in a tent on the corner.

    A house did burn down last week–not sure if we’ve had any more since. I’ll have to ask my friends in the ER how the holidays have been for them.

  106. 106.

    Greyjoy

    I think a lot of people were just too damn hot and tired to go outside and add more heat, plus noise, to the situation. Not to mention that Colorado’s been on fire for a few weeks, and a few million more people have been without electricity for a week, and that kind of takes the fun out of it.

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