FL Election Officials Declared Rick Scott Dead, Ineligible to Vote

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named told a Florida radio station that he was mistakenly dropped from the voter rolls in 2006 on account of being dead. This forced the future purchaser of the Florida governorship to cast a provisional ballot. Luckily, Voldemort future Governor Scott was later able to produce an intact Horcrux a driver’s license as proof of life, so his votes counted.

The Dark Lord Governor Scott contends that if he could produce a Magickal Object ID to secure his right to vote, then by god, so can all those US citizens who are being jettisoned from the rolls in the Great Voter Purge of 2012. So shut up.

[X-posted at Rumproast]

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35 replies
  1. 1
    rlrr says:

    that he was mistakenly dropped from the voter rolls in 2006 on account of being dead.

    Is there any independent confirmation that this actually happened?

  2. 2
    BGinCHI says:

    Oh, they didn’t drop him for being a fucking felon?

  3. 3
    Yutsano says:

    @BGinCHI: Amazing that. But IOKIYAR. White. Also. Too.

  4. 4

    OMG I DEMAND TO SEE PROOF OF LIFE! How do we know that this Rick Scott is the same Rick Scott who was declared dead? Who is this man? An imposter? How will we know?

    WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE! And .. the DEATH CERTIFICATE! … and … dental records! And … other stuff! Cuz … you know … Obama and Muslims and Kenya! AAGH!

  5. 5
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    OK, the resemblance to the movie You-Know-Who is quite remarkable, but I still prefer the Lex Luthor simile.

    Cheney has a lock on the Dark Lord and the Dark Lord of the Sith.

  6. 6
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Southern Beale:

    College transcripts. Want those, too. Also, any military records (probably never served…he seems the type.)

  7. 7
    Culture of Truth says:

    A dirver’s license? What the hell does that prove? Any vampire or zombie can have one of those.

  8. 8
    Ash Can says:

    This would explain a great deal of Rick Scott’s behavior. Now, if he eats a reporter’s head or his arm falls off, I’ll know what’s up.

  9. 9
    Scott S. says:

    I demand a dissection of his brain.

  10. 10
    Culture of Truth says:

    An officially infalliable government agency declared him dead! Where the hell is donald trump’s team of investigators?

  11. 11

    @Scott S.:

    I demand a dissection of his brain.

    … if he has one, you mean!

  12. 12
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    I’m calling bullshit because the only time Republicans learn heartfelt lessons when it happens to them. If this had truly happened to him he would have not been trying to purge people from voter rolls. See every Republican that has gotten some rare cancer/been caught dressing in women’s clothes.

  13. 13
    FlipYrWhig says:

    It just goes to show, when billionaires can easily sort things out when it comes to the whims of bureaucracy and law, that means ANYONE can easily do it.

  14. 14

    That comparison is totally unfair.

    Voldemort, one must admit, was an effective executive for the most part.

  15. 15
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent): Except that his lesson wasn’t that he was wronged, it was that it was easy to fix.

  16. 16
    PaulW says:

    So… all this time, it was really REVENGE that Scott was seeking.

  17. 17
    Mnemosyne says:

    I always forget what crazy eyes Scott has. He looks like Francis Dolarhyde in Manhunter.

  18. 18
  19. 19

    @FlipYrWhig:

    It just goes to show, when billionaires can easily sort things out when it comes to the whims of bureaucracy and law, that means ANYONE can easily do it.

    THIS a thousand times. God.

    It’s not about YOU Rick Scott. Jesus. It’s about the people who work 3 jobs and have kids and have to get a fucking drug test to stay in their public housing and excuse the fuck out of me if the public housing ID isn’t good enough for you, now they have to go wait in line at the DMV for a Driver’s License even though they don’t drive? Give me a break.

  20. 20
    jl says:

    @Southern Beale:

    I think Rick Scott knows it is not about Rick Scott. I think it is Rick Scott showing he knows how to reassure the right kind of people that if they are the right kind of people, things can be worked out.

    I think that whether things are in fact worked out for a non billionaire right kind of person who is mistakenly purged depends what the Scott team’s statistical analysis recommends, but that is another matter.

    Given how sloppy the FL voter purge seems to be, probably important for Scott to issue bogus assurances.

  21. 21
    MattR says:

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Except that his lesson wasn’t that he was wronged, it was that it was easy to fix.

    This is the typical conservative mindset. If they has something unfair happen to them but they were able to fix/deal with it without much inconvenience, then obviously it is that easy for anyone else who has to deal with that same thing. This is why Andrew Sullivan is against hate crime and bullying laws – he was teased and bullied as a youth and he was able to survive it without being harmed or taking it out on others (this is debatable in reality, but in his mind it is a fact) so its really not such a big deal that it requires legislation. They never consider that other people don’t have easy access to the proper documentation or have a friend to help them fix things or that there are degrees of bullying or that people have different tolerance levels for abuse.

  22. 22
    Raven says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Navy

    “Scott demonstrated his special business acumen as a sailor on the USS Glover. When the ship stopped selling soft drinks, Scott said the Navy let him bring his own cans of soda pop onboard. For the record, Scott sold Pepsi, Coke and 7-Up. “And so I would go get as much money as we had in the bank. I would go buy all the soft drinks that I could for a cruise and then I would double the price and I made more money selling soft drinks on the ship than I did in getting my pay.”

  23. 23
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Raven:

    Oh, I get it. A fuck your buddy veteran.

    What utter scum.

  24. 24
    slag says:

    @rlrr:

    Is there any independent confirmation that this actually happened?

    What? That he stopped being dead?

  25. 25
    Zach says:

    Did his provisional ballot include votes for local issues that are precinct-specific and generally not available on paper provisional ballots? If any of these sorts of issues were on the ballot, he lost his right to vote on them just because of idiotic election laws enacted after Bush/Gore (without Bush/Gore, I don’t think the Florida SoS would be aggressively pruning the voter rolls, but maybe this would’ve happened anyway).

  26. 26
    harlana says:

    “not dead”?

    how can you tell?

  27. 27
    dr. bloor says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    The Voldemort comparison is bad enough. Ralph Fiennes is going to come to your house and kick your ass for that one.

  28. 28
    harlana says:

    only in corporate-land would somebody as fugly and as worthless (as far as pieces of shit go) as Rick Scott make it big

  29. 29
    Zach says:

    I’m perusing Florida election law and here’s a little tidbit guaranteed to drive down Democratic votes: “Any person who votes in an election after the regular poll-closing time pursuant to a court or other order extending the statutory polling hours must vote a provisional ballot.”

    What does this do? It requires people to shut down voting machines and use the much more labor-intensive and error-prone provisional balloting approach in instances where lines are so long (or weather conditions, etc are so bad) that a judge orders the poll to stay open. Where does this happen? Almost always in urban communities.

    Also, provisional ballots cast in the wrong precinct are not counted. Over 25% of Florida provisional ballots were rejected in 2006. Many of these were rejected because poorly trained poll workers did not direct voters to the correct precinct (which was often just another table in the same room) or remind voters to sign the provisional ballot — which is required by law. Studies have shown that provisional ballots and the rejection of provisional ballots are strongly correlated with the non-white population of a precinct, the ratio of home owners to renters and other measures that point to de facto discrimination.

    The story here shouldn’t be that Scott’s out-of-touch thinking that everyone should have an ID. It should be that he needed to show ID at all and that, by casting a provisional ballot, it was much more likely that his vote would be wrongly uncounted (and much, much more likely if he voted in a majority non-white precinct).

    Unnecessarily complicated voting procedures wrongly negate thousands of votes in every Florida election and have so-far prevented zero attempts at stealing an election.

  30. 30
    harlana says:

    @Mnemosyne: i know, he looks like a fucking lunatic – creeps me out, why would anybody elect somebody with those eyes and that creepy stare and smile and, indeed, almost alien in appearance? alien nerd accountant or something? anyway, just gives me the ickles. Santorum did that to me too, in a still repulsed, but less-scared way (since Scott is not just icky-creepy but dangerous). But both of them make me want to vomit.

  31. 31
    harlana says:

    @dr. bloor: i guess i’m old-fashioned, i just always think of Skeletor :)

  32. 32
    burnspbesq says:

    @BGinCHI:

    They only drop convicted felons from the voter rolls. Like it or not, Scott’s not a member of that club

  33. 33
    johnny gentle famous crooner says:

    Just look at him. I’m pretty sure he IS dead.

  34. 34
    YellowJournalism says:

    I think he resembles the head mutant from the original The Hill Have Eyes, but that’s probably just me.

  35. 35
    tones says:

    @ 33:
    Beat me to it – those eyes are are an obvious sign of being dead on the inside.

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