This is pretty awesome (h/t General Stuck):
An anti-gay Alabama Republican was reportedly making secret sperm donations to at least nine New Zealand women he met over the internet, unbeknownst to his wife back in America.
Bill Johnson, who made a failed bid for governor of Alabama in 2010, anonymously donated sperm to lesbian couples in New Zealand, according to a report by the New Zealand Herald.
Johnson has spent much of the last year in Christchurch, where he moved without his wife and her three kids (from a previous marriage), in order to help the country’s recovery from the February earthquake.
All the while Johnson was reportedly trolling the internet under the username “chchbill” for women who needed help getting pregnant. He reportedly had exchanges with at least nine women — among them several lesbians — at least three of whom are now pregnant.
BGinCHI
A sex scandal without sex.
Perfect.
These GOP fucktards can’t do anything right.
Baud
New Zealand’s a nice country. I don’t know if I’d wish an anti-gay Alabama Republican on them.
Maude
Does he think his donation makes the women un gay?
the Conster
Republicans are all certifiable. Conservatism is a mental disorder and until they come up with a cure they should all be banned from holding public office.
Odie Hugh Manatee
“Hey New Zealand, need some assistance after that quake?”
“Here’s some sperm.”
Republican politicians love to give sperm away but be careful shaking hands with them.
Valdivia
title for the win DougJ.
so is this guy still running?
ETA: reading comprehension fail on my part. I see he is a has been politico moving on to better things eh?
Baud
This gives me an idea. You know how we have a “Balloon Jobs” thread for people looking for jobs…
Redshift
Okay, that’s officially one of the weirdest fetishes I’ve ever heard of, even for a Republican.
arguingwithsignposts
Maybe he just wanted to emigrate to NZ, and thought this would be a way to do it?
MattF
I don’t think I’ll ever look at green balloons the way I used to.
Cain
I dunno, I read the entire story and it seems kind of sad. The guy wanted children and his wife had an operation that would not allow her to bear anymore children. He wanted children, and he fell to an urge to do it.
It’s not like he was having sex with them, he donated sperm. In the article, he thought that they had gone through counseling and he had her blessing.
This is a non-story.
Professor
Now how did he get his sperm to the women? Was it by onanism,or by a handjob or by a blowjob? I want to know!
Yutsano
I thought this had been out there awhile already. But yeah masdive fail on his part.
MattR
@Cain: Anti gay Republican assisting gay women in having a baby makes it a story, regardless of the dynamics within the Republican’s family.
(EDIT: And now that I have read the full details, it sounds like he expected to be a father figure for these children once they are born)
Sly
@arguingwithsignposts:
I’d pay real money to see Tom Tancredo or Louis Gohmert go on TV and give dire warnings about the threat of “Anchor Splooge.”
arguingwithsignposts
@Sly: win.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Yutsano: Thank you. I *thought* I[‘d read about it earlier and thought he was a little odd, even for Alabama. Weird indeed.
Alabama Blue Dot
Old news, but the new news is that this guy left his wife just before Easter and moved back to New Zealand. I actually happen to know him. My husband and he ran against each other for Birmingham City Council. Doesn’t say much about the constituency that voted him in, because he was a charming sociopath even back then.
Richard
“Family” values in action.
BGinCHI
@Alabama Blue Dot: Have you noticed any desperate Sperm Wanted ads from Birmingham sperm banks since he left?
aimai
Oh come on, 20 posts and no one observed that he went there for the sheep?
aimai
Southern Beale
#ObamaDerbyNames is the latest Twitter hashtag that the RWNJs are amusing themselves with. It’s kinda sad, really.
BGinCHI
@aimai: Get your mind out of the gutter, aimai.
/there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write
Violet
@Yutsano:
Yeah, this story has been out there for awhile. The whole thing is kind of sad. If he weren’t a Republican this wouldn’t be much of a story. But since he is and they’re the anti sex of any kind except married missionary, and the anti GLBT, and the anti foreigner party, the whole thing is kind of amusing.
Egypt Steve
New sperm bank opens up, and they pay $100 per donation to all comers. So on opening day, there are men lined up around the block. The last guy in line hears someone come up behind him, and he turns around, and sees a woman there. He says to her, “Lady, what are you doing here? Don’t you realize that this is a line of men who are going to earn $100 for a donation to the new sperm bank?” And the woman nods her head vigorously and replies: “Mmphphmhphmph.”
bemused
I wonder how psychiatrists would analyze this kind of odd behavior. I didn’t think I had ever heard of someone doing this but just remembered that a while back there was a fertility specialist, iirc, that contributed his own sperm in place of donor sperm to a whole bunch of his patients resulting in a huge number of his progeny.
Southern Beale
@Egypt Steve:
Gross!
Southern Beale
Isn’t this story like 2 months old?
NancyDarling
I know some bulls who live across the road from my nephew in Texas who get paid very handsomely for the same thing.
Gloatessa (@MyPetGloat)
This anti-gay Republican wanted his hypocrisy to be unique. Also, sekret Intertubal lesbian connections made him feel extra manly manly.
General Stuck
Thanks for H/T, Dougj
Martin
Politics is weird. And creepy.
J. Michael Neal
@BGinCHI:
Martin
Oh, and I’m seriously too much of a dork because I also immediately thought “I wonder how you mail sperm to NZ? Surely the USPS has rules for that sort of thing.”
NancyDarling
@Martin: They ship bull sperm from Texas all the time.
BGinCHI
@NancyDarling: I don’t think Shiner Bock tastes that bad.
danielx
I can hear Bill Johnson now.
“I felt sorry for those poor girls. I was trying to help them!”
Sorry, Bill, that’s what Fatty Arbuckle said and you know what they did to him.
kdaug
@BGinCHI: Eh. Shiner’s all right, but a bit sweet for me (and I get it fresh down here).
I’m more a Guinness/Beck’s guy. Shot of Tullimore Dew on the side.
And an occasional margarita on the rocks, no salt.
aimai
“Can’t pitch no woo/to a bunch of Ewe”–Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
aimai
BGinCHI
@kdaug: Some day I’ll regale you with my exploits in the town of Tullamore.
As you might expect, it involves drinking a bit of whiskey.
Had a good friend who was from there. County Offaly an underrated place to visit for sure.
Guinness is fine if you can’t get Left Hand Nitro (milk stout). Nitrous right in the bottle. Oh mama.
BGinCHI
@aimai: You are ornery today.
Jennifer
@BGinCHI: No, but Lone Star does.
Phoenician in a time of Romans
I live in NZ. Try to imagine how annoyed this sort of story makes me.
Oh, and aimai – fuck ewe.
Brachiator
This is an old story.
Even so, I continue to wonder how you can be anti-gay and help gay women have children.
Also, isn’t the Catholic Chuch against sperm donation and similar “artificial” techniques?
BGinCHI
@Phoenician in a time of Romans: Don’t worry, you’ll always have Middle Earth.
General Stuck
Here is the update to story, with the plans to leave his wife and emigrate to NZ as new from the original admission of fathering these kids through sperm donation.
Jewish Steel
@Brachiator:
Mangay = Abomination
Ladygay = Sexytime
EIGRP
@Egypt Steve:
Ha ha!
BGinCHI
@Jewish Steel:
mandate = unconstitutional
Marcellus Shale, Public Dick
if the ex or presumptive ex-wife really wants to fuck him, all she has to say is that she probably would have let him donate sperm, if she really realized how passionate he was about passing on his saintly republican genes.
Alabama Blue Dot
@BGinCHI: We were actually kind of glad to see him go. No one around here wanted any part of him :)
rikyrah
sometimes, you read stuff and go HUH?
W-T-F?
this shyt is crazy
MacKenna
This anti-gay Republican wanted his hypocrisy to be unique. Also, sekret Intertubal lesbian connections made him feel extra manly manly.
(Posting under my other name gets it stuck in moderation!)
Brachiator
@Jewish Steel:
Funny.
I guess that a case could be made that the gay women were still being fruitful and multiplying, but still the new war against women is rigidly narrow in defining a family as a heterosexual man and woman who are naturally fertile and who make babies only the way that the deity specified according to the church fathers.
the fugitive uterus
o.O
the fugitive uterus
@Alabama Blue Dot:
get the feeling from reading the update, a bunch of New Zealand lesbian mothers are gonna be saying the same thing pretty soon
Nellie in NZ
Yep, I’m hoping NZ kicks him out. He apparently wants to help raise the children. Seriously unhinged. Keep the crazy on your side of the big pond.
Annamal
@Nellie in NZ:
Depends how much money he has I guess.
I would think that an Alabama Republican might have problems with certain key aspects of New Zealand laws and customs though…
brettvk
Oh, sweet suffering Jesus. How anyone could say that to a reporter with a straight face; those beauty contests must train you to completely transcend reality.
Aside from the sin of enabling lesbians to raise/abuse little feti, Johnson [heh] is obviously sinning by mastubating, which Jehovah hates. He might as well vote absentee for Obama — he’s trashed his wingnut cred. I only hope NZ takes this weirdness and runs with it.
Catsy
@Egypt Steve: FTMFW
Steven Hart
You know what they say — beatin’ ain’t cheatin’.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@General Stuck:
He’s building his own Christian lesbian harem coven in NZ. I bet he went down there to lend a hand at some job and promptly forgot about the “at some” in this sentence.
Republicans are easily confused by too many words in a sentence.
Silver
@Cain:
It’s weird as all fuck and as mentally stable as the Unabomber.
Birthmarker
Love your handle, Blue Dot.
My recall of the original story was that his multiple donations violated
NZ law.
The whole thing is sad as hell.
It is kind of like the Appalachian Trail guy. We all got a giggle, but it was really a family tragedy.
Brachiator
@brettvk:
No, no. This guy appeared to be living up to the idea parodied by Monty Python that “every sperm is sacred.”
I could easily imagine some nutcase trying to do this, not really understanding that the idea of a lesbian harem is a contradiction in terms.
Martin
@NancyDarling: Well, sure. They’re Republicans.
HalfEmpty
Closet Mormon?
John M. Burt
@Alabama Blue Dot: I saw what you did there, my Dotter.
Also, this is a guy who thinks lesbians can’t be good parents, so he helps them do it…?
Maybe he was thinking of himself as planting his little soldiers behind enemy lines.
Phoenician in a time of Romans
@Annamal:
I would think that an Alabama Republican might have problems with certain key aspects of New Zealand laws and customs though…
“Mongrel Mob? Well, isn’t it quaint that you darkies have your own social club…”