Fertilize another behind my lover’s back

This is pretty awesome (h/t General Stuck):

An anti-gay Alabama Republican was reportedly making secret sperm donations to at least nine New Zealand women he met over the internet, unbeknownst to his wife back in America.

Bill Johnson, who made a failed bid for governor of Alabama in 2010, anonymously donated sperm to lesbian couples in New Zealand, according to a report by the New Zealand Herald.

Johnson has spent much of the last year in Christchurch, where he moved without his wife and her three kids (from a previous marriage), in order to help the country’s recovery from the February earthquake.

All the while Johnson was reportedly trolling the internet under the username “chchbill” for women who needed help getting pregnant. He reportedly had exchanges with at least nine women — among them several lesbians — at least three of whom are now pregnant.






70 replies
  1. 1
    BGinCHI says:

    A sex scandal without sex.

    Perfect.

    These GOP fucktards can’t do anything right.

  2. 2
    Baud says:

    New Zealand’s a nice country. I don’t know if I’d wish an anti-gay Alabama Republican on them.

  3. 3
    Maude says:

    Does he think his donation makes the women un gay?

  4. 4
    the Conster says:

    Republicans are all certifiable. Conservatism is a mental disorder and until they come up with a cure they should all be banned from holding public office.

  5. 5
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    “Hey New Zealand, need some assistance after that quake?”

    “Here’s some sperm.”

    Republican politicians love to give sperm away but be careful shaking hands with them.

  6. 6
    Valdivia says:

    title for the win DougJ.

    so is this guy still running?

    ETA: reading comprehension fail on my part. I see he is a has been politico moving on to better things eh?

  7. 7
    Baud says:

    This gives me an idea. You know how we have a “Balloon Jobs” thread for people looking for jobs…

  8. 8
    Redshift says:

    Okay, that’s officially one of the weirdest fetishes I’ve ever heard of, even for a Republican.

  9. 9
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Maybe he just wanted to emigrate to NZ, and thought this would be a way to do it?

  10. 10
    MattF says:

    I don’t think I’ll ever look at green balloons the way I used to.

  11. 11
    Cain says:

    I dunno, I read the entire story and it seems kind of sad. The guy wanted children and his wife had an operation that would not allow her to bear anymore children. He wanted children, and he fell to an urge to do it.

    It’s not like he was having sex with them, he donated sperm. In the article, he thought that they had gone through counseling and he had her blessing.

    This is a non-story.

  12. 12
    Professor says:

    Now how did he get his sperm to the women? Was it by onanism,or by a handjob or by a blowjob? I want to know!

  13. 13
    Yutsano says:

    I thought this had been out there awhile already. But yeah masdive fail on his part.

  14. 14
    MattR says:

    @Cain: Anti gay Republican assisting gay women in having a baby makes it a story, regardless of the dynamics within the Republican’s family.

    (EDIT: And now that I have read the full details, it sounds like he expected to be a father figure for these children once they are born)

  15. 15
    Sly says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Maybe he just wanted to emigrate to NZ, and thought this would be a way to do it?

    I’d pay real money to see Tom Tancredo or Louis Gohmert go on TV and give dire warnings about the threat of “Anchor Splooge.”

  16. 16
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Sly: win.

  17. 17

    @Yutsano: Thank you. I *thought* I[‘d read about it earlier and thought he was a little odd, even for Alabama. Weird indeed.

  18. 18
    Alabama Blue Dot says:

    Old news, but the new news is that this guy left his wife just before Easter and moved back to New Zealand. I actually happen to know him. My husband and he ran against each other for Birmingham City Council. Doesn’t say much about the constituency that voted him in, because he was a charming sociopath even back then.

  19. 19
    Richard says:

    “Family” values in action.

  20. 20
    BGinCHI says:

    @Alabama Blue Dot: Have you noticed any desperate Sperm Wanted ads from Birmingham sperm banks since he left?

  21. 21
    aimai says:

    Oh come on, 20 posts and no one observed that he went there for the sheep?

    aimai

  22. 22

    #ObamaDerbyNames is the latest Twitter hashtag that the RWNJs are amusing themselves with. It’s kinda sad, really.

  23. 23
    efgoldman says:

    HEY TPM!

    You better have your IT people check your internal servers, and quickly.
    It appears, somehow, that they picked up a story from The Onion and published it on your page.

    I know its the weekend, but bring the techies in. Pay them OT if you have to.
    ======
    Wait. What?
    Oh, never mind. Just another proof that in Wingnuttia World(tm) irony and parody are dead.

  24. 24
    BGinCHI says:

    @aimai: Get your mind out of the gutter, aimai.

    /there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write

  25. 25
    Violet says:

    @Yutsano:
    Yeah, this story has been out there for awhile. The whole thing is kind of sad. If he weren’t a Republican this wouldn’t be much of a story. But since he is and they’re the anti sex of any kind except married missionary, and the anti GLBT, and the anti foreigner party, the whole thing is kind of amusing.

  26. 26
    Egypt Steve says:

    New sperm bank opens up, and they pay $100 per donation to all comers. So on opening day, there are men lined up around the block. The last guy in line hears someone come up behind him, and he turns around, and sees a woman there. He says to her, “Lady, what are you doing here? Don’t you realize that this is a line of men who are going to earn $100 for a donation to the new sperm bank?” And the woman nods her head vigorously and replies: “Mmphphmhphmph.”

  27. 27
    bemused says:

    I wonder how psychiatrists would analyze this kind of odd behavior. I didn’t think I had ever heard of someone doing this but just remembered that a while back there was a fertility specialist, iirc, that contributed his own sperm in place of donor sperm to a whole bunch of his patients resulting in a huge number of his progeny.

  28. 28
  29. 29

    Isn’t this story like 2 months old?

  30. 30
    NancyDarling says:

    I know some bulls who live across the road from my nephew in Texas who get paid very handsomely for the same thing.

  31. 31
    Gloatessa (@MyPetGloat) says:

    This anti-gay Republican wanted his hypocrisy to be unique. Also, sekret Intertubal lesbian connections made him feel extra manly manly.

  32. 32

    Thanks for H/T, Dougj

  33. 33
    Martin says:

    Politics is weird. And creepy.

  34. 34

    @BGinCHI:

    @aimai: Get your mind out of the gutter pasture, aimai.

  35. 35
    Martin says:

    Oh, and I’m seriously too much of a dork because I also immediately thought “I wonder how you mail sperm to NZ? Surely the USPS has rules for that sort of thing.”

  36. 36
    NancyDarling says:

    @Martin: They ship bull sperm from Texas all the time.

  37. 37
    BGinCHI says:

    @NancyDarling: I don’t think Shiner Bock tastes that bad.

  38. 38
    danielx says:

    I can hear Bill Johnson now.

    “I felt sorry for those poor girls. I was trying to help them!”

    Sorry, Bill, that’s what Fatty Arbuckle said and you know what they did to him.

  39. 39
    kdaug says:

    @BGinCHI: Eh. Shiner’s all right, but a bit sweet for me (and I get it fresh down here).

    I’m more a Guinness/Beck’s guy. Shot of Tullimore Dew on the side.

    And an occasional margarita on the rocks, no salt.

  40. 40
    aimai says:

    “Can’t pitch no woo/to a bunch of Ewe”–Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

    aimai

  41. 41
    BGinCHI says:

    @kdaug: Some day I’ll regale you with my exploits in the town of Tullamore.

    As you might expect, it involves drinking a bit of whiskey.

    Had a good friend who was from there. County Offaly an underrated place to visit for sure.

    Guinness is fine if you can’t get Left Hand Nitro (milk stout). Nitrous right in the bottle. Oh mama.

  42. 42
    BGinCHI says:

    @aimai: You are ornery today.

  43. 43
    Jennifer says:

    @BGinCHI: No, but Lone Star does.

  44. 44
    Phoenician in a time of Romans says:

    I live in NZ. Try to imagine how annoyed this sort of story makes me.

    Oh, and aimai – fuck ewe.

  45. 45
    Brachiator says:

    This is an old story.

    Even so, I continue to wonder how you can be anti-gay and help gay women have children.

    Also, isn’t the Catholic Chuch against sperm donation and similar “artificial” techniques?

  46. 46
    BGinCHI says:

    @Phoenician in a time of Romans: Don’t worry, you’ll always have Middle Earth.

  47. 47

    Here is the update to story, with the plans to leave his wife and emigrate to NZ as new from the original admission of fathering these kids through sperm donation.

  48. 48
    Jewish Steel says:

    @Brachiator:

    Mangay = Abomination

    Ladygay = Sexytime

  49. 49
    EIGRP says:

    @Egypt Steve:

    New sperm bank opens up, and they pay $100 per donation to all comers.

    Ha ha!

  50. 50
    BGinCHI says:

    @Jewish Steel:

    mandate = unconstitutional

  51. 51
    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick says:

    if the ex or presumptive ex-wife really wants to fuck him, all she has to say is that she probably would have let him donate sperm, if she really realized how passionate he was about passing on his saintly republican genes.

  52. 52
    Alabama Blue Dot says:

    @BGinCHI: We were actually kind of glad to see him go. No one around here wanted any part of him :)

  53. 53
    rikyrah says:

    sometimes, you read stuff and go HUH?

    W-T-F?

    this shyt is crazy

  54. 54
    MacKenna says:

    This anti-gay Republican wanted his hypocrisy to be unique. Also, sekret Intertubal lesbian connections made him feel extra manly manly.

    (Posting under my other name gets it stuck in moderation!)

  55. 55
    Brachiator says:

    @Jewish Steel:

    Ladygay = Sexytime

    Funny.

    I guess that a case could be made that the gay women were still being fruitful and multiplying, but still the new war against women is rigidly narrow in defining a family as a heterosexual man and woman who are naturally fertile and who make babies only the way that the deity specified according to the church fathers.

  56. 56
    the fugitive uterus says:

    o.O

  57. 57
    the fugitive uterus says:

    @Alabama Blue Dot:

    No one around here wanted any part of him

    get the feeling from reading the update, a bunch of New Zealand lesbian mothers are gonna be saying the same thing pretty soon

  58. 58
    Nellie in NZ says:

    Yep, I’m hoping NZ kicks him out. He apparently wants to help raise the children. Seriously unhinged. Keep the crazy on your side of the big pond.

  59. 59
    Annamal says:

    @Nellie in NZ:

    Yep, I’m hoping NZ kicks him out. He apparently wants to help raise the children. Seriously unhinged. Keep the crazy on your side of the big pond.

    Depends how much money he has I guess.

    I would think that an Alabama Republican might have problems with certain key aspects of New Zealand laws and customs though…

  60. 60
    brettvk says:

    [Johnson’s wife, 2x Mrs America finalist] Kathy Johnson said her husband returned to Alabama late last year. He assured her that the donations were non-sexual, she said.

    Oh, sweet suffering Jesus. How anyone could say that to a reporter with a straight face; those beauty contests must train you to completely transcend reality.

    Aside from the sin of enabling lesbians to raise/abuse little feti, Johnson [heh] is obviously sinning by mastubating, which Jehovah hates. He might as well vote absentee for Obama — he’s trashed his wingnut cred. I only hope NZ takes this weirdness and runs with it.

  61. 61
  62. 62
    Steven Hart says:

    You know what they say — beatin’ ain’t cheatin’.

  63. 63
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @General Stuck:

    He’s building his own Christian lesbian harem coven in NZ. I bet he went down there to lend a hand at some job and promptly forgot about the “at some” in this sentence.

    Republicans are easily confused by too many words in a sentence.

  64. 64
    Silver says:

    @Cain:

    It’s weird as all fuck and as mentally stable as the Unabomber.

  65. 65
    Birthmarker says:

    Love your handle, Blue Dot.

    My recall of the original story was that his multiple donations violated
    NZ law.

    The whole thing is sad as hell.
    It is kind of like the Appalachian Trail guy. We all got a giggle, but it was really a family tragedy.

  66. 66
    Brachiator says:

    @brettvk:

    Aside from the sin of enabling lesbians to raise/abuse little feti, Johnson [heh] is obviously sinning by mastubating, which Jehovah hates

    No, no. This guy appeared to be living up to the idea parodied by Monty Python that “every sperm is sacred.”

    He’s building his own Christian lesbian harem coven in NZ.

    I could easily imagine some nutcase trying to do this, not really understanding that the idea of a lesbian harem is a contradiction in terms.

  67. 67
    Martin says:

    @NancyDarling: Well, sure. They’re Republicans.

  68. 68
    HalfEmpty says:

    Closet Mormon?

  69. 69
    John M. Burt says:

    @Alabama Blue Dot: I saw what you did there, my Dotter.

    Also, this is a guy who thinks lesbians can’t be good parents, so he helps them do it…?

    Maybe he was thinking of himself as planting his little soldiers behind enemy lines.

  70. 70
    Phoenician in a time of Romans says:

    @Annamal:

    I would think that an Alabama Republican might have problems with certain key aspects of New Zealand laws and customs though…

    “Mongrel Mob? Well, isn’t it quaint that you darkies have your own social club…”

Comments are closed.