Open Thread Contest

See how many seconds you can tolerate after she opens her mouth and starts to sing. For me, it was a few seconds, but not many more than 3. (via)






147 replies
  1. 1
    grass says:

    Was this a parody of something? Suprisingly well produced for something so gut wrenchingly awful.

    Lasted until the square dancing.

  2. 2
    Dave says:

    That woman sings flatter than a Kansas landscape.

  3. 3

    I keep the volume down to a reasonable level so that might make a difference, but I didn’t find the voice that irritating.

    The lyrics rather quickly became boring, but that’s another issue.

  4. 4
    karl says:

    20 seconds.

  5. 5
    ruemara says:

    Oh. My. I’m not sure why, but I found it hilarious. And I did a minute. Somebody certainly paid for decent production values, the dancing is horribly stiff, her costume, the “sexiness”-what can I say, it’s pure awful fun.

  6. 6
    Steve says:

    There are some things even autotune can’t fix.

  7. 7
    Concerned Citizen says:

    Holy Shit! Only till the 1st guy walked to the blackboard. Going back to try more now.

    Update: Went back and watched the rest. Well worth it. at 2:40 there is some bizarre backup singing that I don’t think I’ll ever recover from.

  8. 8
    MobiusKlein says:

    @karl: Beat you, 21 seconds.

  9. 9
    maya says:

    Wingnut Wrap?

  10. 10
    joeyess says:

    Who. The. Fuck. Is. Lisa. Gail. and why is this over-aged, Texas-Backyard-BBQ-Barbie on Balloon Juice’s front page?

  11. 11

    Hell, just about every country song I hear has a voice this annoying and lyrics this awful.

  12. 12
    scav says:

    I was captured by the sheer deeply mixed messaging put out by the bleached raccoon playing naughty teacher and blathering about 3 seconds while leering at stereotyped cowboy objects in jeans. I think the part of my brain devoted to musical processing suffered a fatal error early on and shut down which is why I lasted as long as I did.

  13. 13
    karen marie says:

    @Steve: Yeah, I thought autotune was supposed to be the miracle cure-all but, wow, it can’t fix flat?

    Also, too, I thought the three second rule was with respect to how long food could be on the ground after you dropped it and still be able to eat it.

  14. 14
    PeakVT says:

    Slap bass in a country song?

  15. 15
    Dave says:

    I went back and survived the whole thing. It looks like some Dallas oil baron’s wife wanted to make a video and he bankrolled the whole thing.

  16. 16
    dedc79 says:

    Just cause you suffered, doesn’t mean the rest of us should have to.

  17. 17
    k488 says:

    2 seconds. Life is too short.

  18. 18
    Violet says:

    This mess was shown on the news this morning. News? WTF? Also, shouldn’t that be: “starts to ‘sing'”? I’m not sure I’d call what she does singing.

  19. 19
    Tweez says:

    More sad than funny. These days I find it harder and harder to laugh at clueless dopes in internet videos. It just seems mildly cruel.

  20. 20
    chopper says:

    about 6 seconds. shit, i’m too old to be dealing with that shit.

  21. 21
    chopper says:

    @Tweez:

    why must i cry?

  22. 22
    Violet says:

    @scav:
    Yeah, it’s a hot mess of mixed messaging. And the lyrics are ridiculous: “It’s designed to keep my man in line”. Honey, if he wants to look or even cheat, he’s going to do that. No stupid “three second rule” is going to change that.

  23. 23
    The Thin Black Duke says:

    You’re a cruel bastard, Cole.

  24. 24
    beltane says:

    Blame “Desi” for the production. Does Jan Brewer have a plump, slightly younger sister, because that’s who this Lisa Gail person reminds me of.

  25. 25
    MonkeyBoy says:

    @scav:

    “while leering at stereotyped cowboy objects in jeans.”

    The cowboys were better looking than she was. I presume most of them were gay and jumped at the chance to appear in a video. This sort of negates the whole issue of them longing to gaze at her.

  26. 26
    Brian S says:

    @karen marie: It was a five second rule where I grew up, but that’s because our dog was too fat to get to the food any quicker than that.

  27. 27
    jibeaux says:

    About 35 seconds. Bring back Rebecca Black, please.

    For contemporary country voice male, I like Josh Turner, although the songs are nothing special. For contemporary country voice female, I can count her as a contemporary and a classic if she’s still singing, right? – I still love Emmylou Harris. She also did some very nice non-country duets with Mark Knopfler that I like.

  28. 28
    RalfW says:

    Since its an open thread, and we’re talking about losers and loser activities:

    Politics in Minnesota reports that Massachusetts-based Hub Properties Trust has filed paperwork in Ramsey County to evict the MNGOP from the Capitol Office Building space the party had been “renting.”

    That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: The Minnesota State GOP has stiffed their landlord for $100K. And is being evicted.

    The party of personal responsibility says F.U. to every underwater mortgagee but can’t honor its’ own contract, goes deeply into hock, and leaves a fellow capitalist holding the bag for 100 grand.

  29. 29
    Violet says:

    @Concerned Citizen:

    at 2:40 there is some bizarre backup singing that I don’t think I’ll ever recover from.

    Oh God. I just listened to that. If you want to scare away burglars or terrify your children and pets, play that bit. Ringtone from hell.

  30. 30
    Forum Transmitted Disease says:

    University of Florida will be eliminating their entire Computer Science department. The amount “saved” will go towards their football department.

    But hey, y’know, Tebow.

  31. 31
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    So last night’s episode of Frozen Planet was about global warming. Have the wingnuts declared it to be soshulist lies yet?

  32. 32
    Tom65 says:

    @Steve:

    beat me to it

  33. 33
    RossInDetroit says:

    I watched this on Boing Boing with the sound off and I get the idea. I’m listening to Rachel Yamagata right now and I’m not interrupting that for awfulness.

  34. 34
    kdaug says:

    First thing that stuck me was that any gentleman knows to take off his hat when he enters a building.

    I made it to the “3 Second Rule School” sign.

  35. 35
    Violet says:

    It’s produced by some outfit called ProEdit Productions. They have apparently won some Dallas/FortWorth wedding video awards. Wedding Video Awards? There are such things?

    She reminds me of a much less attractive Linda Evans in “Dynasty”.

  36. 36
    Roger Moore says:

    @RalfW:
    IOKIYAR. Paying your bills is for little people.

  37. 37
    Mark S. says:

    @Concerned Citizen:

    Well worth it. at 2:40 there is some bizarre backup singing that I don’t think I’ll ever recover from.

    Jesus, you weren’t kidding. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it all of the sudden gets a lot worse!

  38. 38
  39. 39
    someGuyInAustin says:

    The 3 second rule made me think of the ‘Christian Side Hug’.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw

  40. 40

    @Violet: I’m glad to know that in this difficult economy, The Chipmunks are still able to find session work.

  41. 41
    bobbo says:

    OMG that is horrible. I turned down the sound in the hopes that the cowboys might do a striptease or something, but after I get a better look at them I gave up on that too.

  42. 42
    Forum Transmitted Disease says:

    Rich guys wife and gay cowboys. I listened to all of it. At least somebody’s producing jobs under the Kenyan Usurper, don’t know what you guys are so bummed about.

  43. 43
    kdaug says:

    @Forum Transmitted Disease:

    University of Florida will be eliminating their entire Computer Science department.

    What is “computer”?

    Ug go “bonk”!

  44. 44
    Mark S. says:

    @Forum Transmitted Disease:

    That is unbelievable.

  45. 45
    Violet says:

    Oh man. She’s for real. She’s even got a website with more music. I’m not going to link, you can find it yourself pretty easily.

    Apparently when her video went viral and people made fun of her singing, she got upset and took down the video. Too late, people had saved copies and it’s all over the place now.

  46. 46
    muddy says:

    @kdaug: Yes! My first thought was that there should be a 3 second rule about when to take your hat off indoors.

  47. 47
    gaz says:

    Judging by DougJ’s post yesterday regarding the Douthat vs Saletan debacle/mental cripple fight, and this piece, it seems the front-pagers really want to play truth or dare with us. This could get interesting.

  48. 48
    Yutsano says:

    1:33, when the first background vocals hit. Then my highly attuned sense of pitch screamed at me.

  49. 49
    Forum Transmitted Disease says:

    Wow, those backing vocals at 2:40 kind of go into Zappa territory. Very outside.

  50. 50
    MosesZD says:

    This video says:

    More money than sense. This isn’t cheap to do at this level. We’re not talking 6-figures. Not this video. But it’s well above the $2500 get-in-the-door type of fairly raw video and minimal editing.

    But, hey, she’s famous. In sort of a “I’m the new clown on the Internet” sort of way…

  51. 51
    Violet says:

    @Forum Transmitted Disease:
    They really are something. Worth listening to in an “I can’t believe that’s for real” kind of way.

  52. 52
    beltane says:

    Liberals are such meanines.

  53. 53
    RossInDetroit says:

    @Violet:

    Apparently when her video went viral and people made fun of her singing, she got upset and took down the video. Too late, people had saved copies and it’s all over the place now.

    Now that actually makes me a little sad. People should be able to have dreams, even complete irrational delusions, without being mocked. I thought this was a parody.

    ETA: However if you’re a terrible singer and you make a singing video against the advice of well intentioned people, you’re asking for it.

  54. 54
    Dork says:

    Her shirt keeps changing color, from white to orange and back to white, from shot to shot. She’s the Bruce Willis in “Die Hard” of music videos.

  55. 55
    Peregrinus says:

    @Tweez:

    That’s how I felt. No amount of “but they’re putting it on the Internet, so it’s their fault if people laugh at them” has ever assuaged me of guilt.

    I did two minutes, BTW.

  56. 56
    gaz says:

    @RossInDetroit:

    Now that actually makes me a little sad. People should be able to have dreams, even complete irrational delusions, without being mocked.

    There’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s called a Karaoke night.

    The alcohol is a critical part and serves a dual purpose:
    1. A little liquid courage for the singer
    2. Blackouts so the audience won’t remember.

  57. 57

    I watched it all the way through. I couldn’t look away. It’s truly astounding. And I’m no musician, so I could be wrong here, but it seemed to me like she was having trouble hitting the right notes. It was like she wasn’t utterly tone deaf; she could get near the right notes fairly consistently. She could get into the tune’s neighborhood, but she just couldn’t find the right house.

  58. 58
    gaz says:

    @Horrendo Slapp (formerly Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.): Pretty much describes my singing. And I’m musically inclined. Just not a singer.

    Also, I think you just won the thread.

  59. 59
    karen marie says:

    @Roger Moore: Well, it’s not fair they should be expected to pay their rent. The lease amount was above market value and it was more square footage than they needed! I mean, come on! They landlord is totally unreasonable for refusing to let them have the place rent free for a year to compensate for having tricked them into signing the lease and moving in.

  60. 60
    Violet says:

    @RossInDetroit:
    No, she’s for real. From her website with her other music:

    Lisa Gail began singing in the Texas Girls Choir. Throughout her school years she participated in piano, choir and band. She won several awards for her performances including UIL competitions with her flute and voice. Lisa also grew up singing in an acapella church!
    In high school she accompanied piano for area elementary choirs as they performed at their schools. Watch out for this Texas girl she is about to launch two new albums she has been working on one for her spiritual songs which include songs Lisa Gail has written herself and with the help of her producer and voice coach Corley Luke Randolph who has created the melodies for her songs she has written.
    Her other album will be fun songs that she has written along with songs she is singing!

    I think her “voice coach” has some explaining to do.

  61. 61
    karen marie says:

    @Violet: So does every English teacher she ever had “throughout her school years.”

  62. 62
    gaz says:

    I handled 43 seconds. I should have used my netbook. it has crap speakers, which would have been a stark improvement.

  63. 63
    RossInDetroit says:

    She must have dough. That brings the Elton John Syndrome into play: everyone around you tells you you’re wonderful and if you don’t actively seek objective opinions you don’t get them.
    If you feel bad listening to this, think of the poor editors who had to listen to it for HOURS to assemble the video.

  64. 64
    Shrillhouse says:

    Liberals are such meanines.

    Who you calling a “meanine”? Take that back, you big jork!

  65. 65
    gaz says:

    @RossInDetroit: I could be mistaken, but I think you just perfectly described Willard Mitt Romney.

  66. 66
    ornery_curmudgeon says:

    Oh it’s so great being a leftist now … is this our 3-minute hate session?

    Anyone know of a decent LIBERAL community, btw? I’m just not really into just being a mirror reflection of everything I despise. Righties have the “spit on others” thing all nailed down, don’t really need to join the ‘other side’ of that aisle.

    See, I’m the one ya’ll are going to hate in a few more cycles: a liberal. Killjoy, amirite?

  67. 67
    RossInDetroit says:

    You can have a substandard voice and still be a good singer. I like Marianne Faithfull and Exene Cervenka, neither of whom has beautiful pipes. But they have decent instincts about what they can and can’t do.

  68. 68
    Martin says:

    @grass:

    Looks like the Rebecca Black “Pay us $5,000 and we’ll produce a music video for anyone” deal. Technology has made production and distribution of music videos cheap enough that anyone, regardless of talent, can do it.

    Formula worked well enough for Bieber.

  69. 69
    Paul in KY says:

    I think she’s doing that talk-singing stuff like the lead singer for B-52s does (and he does it much better).

    I made it about 8 or 9 secs.

  70. 70
    Violet says:

    @RossInDetroit:
    Bob Dylan wouldn’t have won a singing competition either.

  71. 71
    Don says:

    WTF did I ever do to you? *sob*

  72. 72
    RossInDetroit says:

    @Violet:

    Bob Dylan wouldn’t have won a singing competition either.

    Or early Elvis Costello or Leonard Cohen. It’s a little different for guys, where beauty may be a smaller part of the formula.

    I’d call this video a horror but there are things beneath the earth, older than fear, that would punish me for sullying their name.

  73. 73
    Martin says:

    @Forum Transmitted Disease: Not surprising to anyone who works in public higher ed.

    The only part of public universities that are economically viable right now are athletics. State funding is typically only to be used for education on a per-capita basis, and tuition increases haven’t been enough to offset the state budget subsidies, so schools are often losing money on each in-state student. Out of state students typically bring enough tuition with them to cover costs.

    The headline presents that there’s a dollar shift from CS to athletics, but there isn’t. The state is reducing funding, so education needs to be cut because that’s what the state pays for. ESPN is increasing funding, so athletics can grow because that’s what ESPN pays for. Those dollars basically never mix.

  74. 74
    Punchy says:

    I loved how “school” became “skewl” in her Texas slang.

    Whats her annual budget for mascara? $5K?

  75. 75
    kdaug says:

    @Violet:

    Bob Dylan wouldn’t have won a singing competition either.

    If, in 30 years, people still know who Lisa Gail is, I will stand corrected.

  76. 76
    jibeaux says:

    @Violet: I know, and then we wouldn’t have ever gotten all those great covers of Bob Dylan songs.

  77. 77
    Chyron HR says:

    @ornery_curmudgeon:

    I despise you alledged liberals.

    Well, I certainly hope you didn’t do so for three minutes straight. I hear that’s bad form or something.

  78. 78
    SatanicPanic says:

    @Horrendo Slapp (formerly Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.): She’s pretty all over the place. Mostly flat and sometimes wildly off key, but then she sounds OK at times. That hasn’t stopped that Violent Femmes guy from having a career though.

  79. 79
    TR says:

    Is that Penny Marshall?

  80. 80
    patrick II says:

    Part of the tragedy of being tone deaf for people who like to sing is that you don’t know you are tone deaf because you can’t hear yourself being off key because you are tone deaf.

    Real friends and family have to tell you the truth before you embarrass yourself with a high production video though. I do feel sorry for her.

  81. 81
    gaz says:

    @SatanicPanic: yeah, but the Violent Femmes have the luxurious advantage of being at least vaguely “cool”.

  82. 82
    gaz says:

    @patrick II: I’ve got a great ear, but crappy vocal control. Therefore, I don’t sing. I can hear myself suck at it.

  83. 83
    rlrr says:

    @Dork:

    Her shirt keeps changing color, from white to orange and back to white, from shot to shot.

    She was inspired by Peter Greenaway’s The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

  84. 84
    gaz says:

    @Violet: Neither would Janice Joplin, I suspect.

    Not so great voices, but excellent singers, and the songwriting was top shelf, IMO. =)

  85. 85
    scav says:

    @ornery_curmudgeon: nah, we’ll just wave you toward the Stereotypes R Us store and their “Cozy Anodyne Liberal” aisle for all your shopping needs.

  86. 86
    Elizabelle says:

    Irony. Such a title, such a song.

  87. 87
    ruemara says:

    It’s even funnier the second time. I am definitely sending it to my friends.

  88. 88

    Geez. Is she one of the Real Housewives or something? That’s awful.

  89. 89
    k488 says:

    Had to go back and look again; I’d like that bit of my life back, though. Florence Foster Jenkins had to rent Carnegie Hall; now anyone can make a total fool of themselves for far less money.

  90. 90
    Nemesis says:

    This American woman deserves respect. Its the Dems who are women haters, evidenced by the outrageous comments here.

    The videos director was simply recreating the abhorent secular sex-charged atmosphere allowed to occur in all American public school classrooms.

    He he…

  91. 91
    Forum Transmitted Disease says:

    Anyone know of a decent LIBERAL community, btw? I’m just not really into just being a mirror reflection of everything I despise. Righties have the “spit on others” thing all nailed down, don’t really need to join the ‘other side’ of that aisle.

    Great Orange Satan. Nothing but an orgy of hurt feelings, interest group politics, whining, butthurt, and an insistence of taking the high road that, if followed, would leave Dems on the losing end of elections for the next several centuries.

    But they’re nice and don’t make talentless hacks feel bad, preferring to award them medals for participation instead. You can even filter so that you will NEVER read anything that might challenge you or deal with the real world.

    Have fun.

  92. 92

    The sad thing is, she only needed to invest in some Auto-Tune software and she’d have a hit single on iTunes. LOL.

  93. 93
    Thymezone says:

    Morbid curiosity sustained me for ten seconds.

    Thanks for nothing.

  94. 94
    SatanicPanic says:

    @gaz: Their songs aren’t bad, just their singer. They need a Byrds to their Dylan (not that I’m comparing them to Dylan)

  95. 95
    Elizabelle says:

    @Tweez:

    Thank you for saying that.

    Having watched “Bully” yesterday, I have sympathy for this woman. If she’s for real, and this is not a parody.

    Problem is, it’s so damn hard to tell (without benefit of others’ surfing and exposure).

    Especially since video’s professionally produced.

  96. 96
    patrick II says:

    @gaz:

    I’m in the same hear pretty well but sing off-key boat. I like to sing, but I sing in the shower, in the car, or with sympathetic or inebriated friends and family, not in public. The really sad part is that I love Roy Orbison songs, but can only kind of sing “Pretty Woman”. I do the growl part ok though.

    I would encourage you to sing if you enjoy it though, even if it isn’t the best. Just don’t put a video on youtube.

    DougJ is always asking for ideas for karoake, perhaps we could get him to make a video.

  97. 97
    kindness says:

    Her Autotune is busted. They should demand a refund on that purchase.

  98. 98
    Amir Khalid says:

    Rebecca Black’s Friday is a pop masterpiece compared to this. The cowboy hat dancers must be Lisa Gail’s friends and neighbors; none of them moves like an actual dancer. And I suspect that when they tried to Autotune this, the software deleted itself and ran away screaming in terror.

  99. 99
    comrade scott's agenda of rage says:

    It’s a known fact that country “music” causes inbreeding.

    If you listen to it for any length of time, it’ll mutate your genes.

  100. 100
    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick says:

    i thought it was hilarious.

  101. 101
    trollhattan says:

    Design your wingnut “Gadsden flag” license plate competetion. I know that the Juicer Nation can shine. More here.

    http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.co.....dsden-flag

    Which edition of Virgina is more messed up–regular Virginia or West? Inquiring minds….

  102. 102
    SatanicPanic says:

    @ornery_curmudgeon: When did it become a left/right thing to mock peoples’ hubris?

  103. 103
    Chinn Romney says:

    10 seconds, about the time the second Cowboy walked in. Never made it to where the heifer opened her mouth and started caterwauling. The best you can hope for when you see someone in a Cowboy Costume is yet another tired piece of generic piece of Kountry Muzak, but judging by the comments this wasn’t a best case scenario.

  104. 104
    Mark S. says:

    @Violet:

    Lisa Gail began singing in the Texas Girls Choir. Throughout her school years she participated in piano, choir and band. She won several awards for her performances including UIL competitions with her flute and voice.

    I have a hard time believing any of that. I don’t know a lot about singing, but she sounded a lot worse than most drunks I’ve listened to doing karaoke. It isn’t the twang, since 90% of country singers have a twang; it’s the complete flatness of her delivery.

  105. 105
    Schlemizel says:

    When I was a kid there used to be a show sponsored by Dixie-Cup. There would be nothing but their ads during the show (If you are old enough you probably remember Hallmark Hall of Fame & Kraft Theater doing this same deal). Except there was always one ad in the show for an album of popular music song by some woman you never heard of. One of my friends moms sent away for one of them once. We darn near wet ourselves listing to this awful thing – it was at least as bad as this video.

    Turns out she was the wife of the President of Dixie-Cup.

  106. 106
    tulip says:

    I got to 51 seconds in the video then had to stop.

    Wowsa.

  107. 107
    Paul in KY says:

    I think it is worse the 2nd time you hear it. 26 secs this time.

  108. 108
    ChristianPinko says:

    Huh, so country music has its own Jan Terri now. I have to admit, I did not see that coming.

  109. 109
    Violet says:

    @Mark S.:
    I find it hard to believe too. But then I used to do music stuff when I was younger and I’m not sure I could remember how to play the instrument I played then, and it would probably take me quite awhile to get back up to speed in a choir.

  110. 110
    kdaug says:

    @Mark S.:

    I have a hard time believing any of that. I don’t know a lot about singing, but she sounded a lot worse than most drunks I’ve listened to doing karaoke. It isn’t the twang, since 90% of country singers have a twang; it’s the complete flatness of her delivery.

    Hm.

    You have a hard time believing someone would “embellish” their personal site on the Intertubes?

  111. 111
    Amir Khalid says:

    There are people who can truthfully say they found this song entertaining, but not the way Lisa Gail might have hoped for. If she’d realized her singing stinks, and made a video poking fun at herself, she’d be fine. But she seems to genuinely believe herself a talented singer, and to be hurt that some mean people think otherwise. (By the way, the song is dreadful. Is it her own composition too?)

  112. 112
    gaz says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    And I suspect that when they tried to Autotune this, the software deleted itself and ran away screaming in terror

    LOL

  113. 113
    Nemesis says:

    Note to Ms Gail: Autotune is a free app.

  114. 114
    Steeplejack says:

    Isn’t it weird how you think there are getting to be too many posts at Balloon Juice, and then when you don’t get a new one for three hours you find yourself jonesin’ for one? That’s weird.

    /Andy Rooney voice

  115. 115
    Citizen Alan says:

    I watched the whole thing out of morbid curiosity (and to see if any of the cuter cowboys took anything off).

  116. 116
    Metatron says:

    I listened to it the whole way through… There’s always one idiot who just has to piss on the electric fence.

    Bugger me dead, it was ghastly. And hilarious.

  117. 117
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Schlemizel: Aren’t Dixie Cups made by… The Koch brothers?

  118. 118
    AlanDean says:

    Why do you torture us so?

  119. 119
    Paula68154 says:

    @Dave:

    Being from Dallas, that’s exactly what I thought. And going one further, no one had the decency to tell her she can’t sing, her hair is over processed, and make up to heavy. Bless her heart, she has no real friends.

  120. 120
    Paula68154 says:

    @Dave:

    Being from Dallas, that’s exactly what I thought. And going one further, no one had the decency to tell her she can’t sing, her hair is over processed, and make up to heavy. Bless her heart, she has no real friends.

  121. 121
    PurpleGirl says:

    I managed to watch the whole video. What I found interesting is that toward the end I began to see brown hair under the blonde… so either she’s wearing a wig on-top of her own hair or she has a weird dye job where they dye top layers of her hair and leave the bottom layers natural.

    On singing: I cannot hit or copy a note but if I stand/sit next to someone I can copy what they are singing. The choir director at my church used this to help the Alto (who had a good true alto but no power to her voice). I could copy her and undergird her singing. So for several years he could have us sing a load of older hymns and Bach pieces in 4-parts and have the parts heard out in the church. Believe me, I do not sing by myself in front of people — just can’t.

  122. 122
    PurpleGirl says:

    @FlipYrWhig: I believe they are now. I’m not sure but I think the company was once part of The Continental Group. Of course, it was probably independent before Continental Group owned them.

    ETA: A number of Koch Bros. units were either independent or owned by other companies. DuPont, I believe, sold Koch some of their units (acrylics and lycra nylons).

  123. 123
    Steeplejack says:

    @Steeplejack:

    And a new DougJ post one minute later. Timing–I haz got it!

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    chrome agnomen says:

    @someGuyInAustin: @someGuyInAustin:

    OMG that was just terrible. white boys cannot rap.

  125. 125
    trollhattan says:

    Song title suggestion: “Not Hot for Not Teacher”

  126. 126

    @Shrillhouse: Jork! This is my new shiny epithet.

  127. 127
    cmorenc says:

    @The Other Chuck:

    Hell, just about every country song I hear has a voice this annoying and lyrics this awful.

    You’ve probably mainly only been exposed to modern “commercial country” (as in, what gets played on stock-format commercial FM-radio stations), which is a bastardized crossover mix of whatever’s fashionable in commercial pop/rock/and now hip-hop music and superficial country instrumentation and clothing, though diluted and toned down. It is indeed truly awful stuff.

    The real honest-to-god traditional country genre is something else altogether, and can be quite wonderful and affecting, and the upbeat stuff can knock your socks off. If you have Sirius/XM satellite radio, take a listen to channel 60 (the “Outlaw” station) and see what you think.

  128. 128
    Ruckus says:

    You know I have just enough respect for myself that I’m not going to even attempt pressing the button. And with all the reviews above this looks like I’m making the smart decision for once.

  129. 129

    @ornery_curmudgeon:

    Killjoy, amirite?

    No, just a fool who doesn’t know the difference between being open to suggestions- liberalism- and giving uncritical validation to every suggestion made.

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    Patricia Kayden says:

    It wasn’t that bad. Listened to the whole thing. If you like “Don’t Be Tardy for the Party” by Kim of Real Housewives of Atlanta fame, then you can like anything.

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  132. 132
    Tom65 says:

    Lisa Gail began singing in the Texas Girls Choir. Throughout her school years she participated in piano, choir and band. She won several awards for her performances including UIL competitions with her flute and voice.

    Yet she’s still tone-deaf.

  133. 133
    sralloway says:

    I can’t find the words for this … music, the … visuals, the … lyrics. Screeching cats, urban cowboys, nonsense dance numbers. Somebody can expand this into a Texas opera.

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  135. 135
    gaz says:

    @chrome agnomen:

    OMG that was just terrible. white boys cannot rap.

    El-P http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/El-P

    Aesop Rock http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aesop_rock

    El-P in particular, is widely regarded as not only a Top-Shelf hip hop producer, but an amazing artist – by lovers of gritty, raw fucking hip hop of all ethnic stripes.

    Same with Aesop in terms of his lyrical abilities (not a producer) – although he’s got a large amount of white fanbois too. He actually deserves them, and I’m not ashamed to count myself among them.

    PS: Eminem would give his anal virginity to Dr. Dre again – a thousand times again (with a side of broken glass w/ teh santorum) to be Aesop Rock.

  136. 136
    mike in dc says:

    ProTools. Stat. And that’s just to get it up to a standard worthy of throwing in the bin.

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  138. 138
    serge says:

    That was cruel. And unusual.

  139. 139
    toes says:

    44 seconds.
    seconds I will never recover.
    That is the worst garbage ever, far worse that FUSBI ever dreamed of being.
    One should never admit to being her voice coach, seriously.
    Ugh , brain bleach where are you when I need you???!!!?!?

  140. 140
    Riilism says:

    @ornery_curmudgeon:

    See, I’m the one ya’ll are going to hate in a few more cycles: a liberal. Killjoy, amirite?

    I already feel strong dislike. Check back in a few cycles…

    Fer Cripes Sake, I feel bad that this woman is being publicly humiliated, but then again, she could act like the rest of us idiots and set aside time out of our busy schedules to be privately humiliated by our friends, family, coworkers, etc.

    As a overly-cautious person, I’ll never understand the impulse to do things like this. Spend money on a vanity video? Get together a bunch of morans friends to assist with said “project”? Sure, sure, all in good fun. Post vid to interwebs for all to see. Are you out of your fucking mind?….

  141. 141
    Mnemosyne says:

    @ornery_curmudgeon:

    See, I’m the one ya’ll are going to hate in a few more cycles: a liberal. Killjoy, amirite?

    Dude, you’re the kind of liberal who thinks we shouldn’t criticize Ann Romney for having a horse masseuse because all horse owners are exactly alike, so if we criticize one overly-rich horse owner who spends more money on her horses in a single year than most Americans make in their entire working lives, that means we HATE HORSES OMG!

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    Dr. Squid says:

    @RossInDetroit: Kind of like the people who did “I Wrote This” by Patrick Star.

  143. 143
    PanurgeATL says:

    @Horrendo Slapp (formerly Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.):

    Which is much of what bothers me about a whole bunch of ’80s “new wave” (and post-ditto) singers (beyond the flatness and lack of expression).

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    Mac from Oregon says:

    Seven seconds, the first time, 4 seconds the next. only 2 for the last…

  145. 145
    Flugelhorn says:

    @Forum Transmitted Disease: I was actually surprised to see that an SEC school had a computer science department to begin with.

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    I watched the whole thing. If you are going to go through this much trouble to make something like that, the least I can do is see it through. I hope my vanity projects look this good when I’ve finally married into the benjamins. I’ll even pay the sexy cowboys in cash.

    Reminds of an assignment from art school for a video production class. “Produce a 2.5 minute public service announcement spot on (pick a disease) for the (pick a demograqphic) citizen.” Man, if we could have produced something of this quality, it would’ve been fricken awesome. Digital fricken rules.

  147. 147
    Fort Geek says:

    Can we pool some money to ship her a case of Fix-a-Flat?

    To be fair, she’s still better than the singer in the band I was in a few years ago. The lead guitar player brought in…his wife. Nice lady, but kind of hard to listen to when she sang.

    Made it through the whole thing–then followed up with some soothing Metallica to burn it out of my ears.

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