Steal This Bike

Via Gawker, The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge lives in DC and is white.  His bike was stolen last week.  This means that because DC’s population is mostly black, that Mark Judge is now free to unleash his inner racist upon the Capital, unfettered by “guilt” or “the common sense God gave a spiny echidna” or “humanity”.  Handy!

When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike. In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

That’s when I lost it. I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all, black and white, the same. My favorite movie growing up was “In the Heat of the Night.” Yet that often meant not treating everyone the same. It meant treating blacks with a mixture of patronizing condescension and obsequious genuflecting to their Absolute Moral Authority gained from centuries of suffering. It meant not treating everyone the same.

It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town because you didn’t want to admit that the crime is worse in poor black neighborhoods.

And the shattered shards of Mark Judge’s broken soul go flying around in his own personal blame-nado, shredding whatever decency he had left.  It gets worse from there.

I decided that I’m just going to let go of my white guilt. We’re all human, we all experience pain in our lives. And black pain is no different than white pain.

It felt good to say it: Black pain is no different than white pain. I’m tired of people using the moral authority of past generations for their own personal gain and self-aggrandizement. Soledad O’Brien, a Harvard graduate, acts like she just stepped off the Amistad.

Sure.  It’s cool to ignore, belittle, and denigrate the black experience because you’re tired of black people basically being black in your life, and if we would just stop being black, right?  Like Trayvon Martin?  Like those five shooting victims in Tulsa?  Like President Obama and the Obama family?

See, here’s what guys like Mark here mean by “white guilt” and that is “I really don’t like black people, and I really want to affix blame for racism in America on them exclusively, because I’m sick of having to keep the presence of mind to not offend them and I really haven’t taken the time to try to understand them outside media stereotypes and the right wing bashing on the President for the last four years, and besides being a racist ass is just easier.”

So yeah, another guy goes and “speaks the truth about blacks” and he’ll be “unfairly persecuted in our overly politically correct society”.  Which is where garbage like this always ends up in the end, down the same chute of racism as the rest.

Can’t wait to hear the defense on this one.  But of course it’s our fault because we had to have collectively stolen his bike, right?  And most of all throughout American history privileged white males have of course been the real victims of the last 250 years, right?

Jesus wept.

[UPDATE]  And we have a winner in the “Can’t wait to hear the defense on this one” from MacRanger over at Macsmind.

There are black ass clowns, black racists, black murderers, rapists and even idiots running the country. We have no reason to feel guilty for that. In fact as I’ve told you on many occassions I’m 2nd generation Irish. Never felt guilt, didn’t have to. The Irish had nothing to do with the treatment of Blacks in this country and in fact in many ways were treated even worse.

It’s time to push back against liberals who have goaded whites into guilt. In light of the crimes blacks have committed against whites in the last 100 years, I say it’s even. Move on.

Really?  I mean I know Lionel Richie’s new country album is pretty bad, but…

(Cross-posted at ZVTS)

337 replies
  1. 1
    redshirt says:

    The poison is being drawn from the wound.

  2. 2
    Satanicpanic says:

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but my liberal parents never encouraged me to leave my bike unlocked in any part of town. That’s just stupid.

  3. 3
    lucky777 says:

    What’s with all the weird freakouts about black people lately? It’s not just this guy, but Derbyshire too — he’s completely freaked out and panicked by black people. Zimmerman takes it to the next level followed right along by those Oklahoma men.

  4. 4
    MattF says:

    As we all know, a conservative is a liberal who misplaced half his IQ. Tsk.

  5. 5
    4tehlulz says:

    “Black pain is no different than white pain.”

    So white butthurt is just as painful as getting shot. Got it.

  6. 6
    cathyx says:

    It’s very tiring to hold your racist views inside. Sometimes you just need to release it.

  7. 7
    Rathskeller says:

    This is a taxi-driver-quote kind of story. It is very hard to imagine someone saying what they are quoted as saying here in response to a bike theft, and I’ve been surrounded by liberals my adult life. That’s what a conservative imagines a liberal says.

  8. 8
    forked tongue says:

    Favorite comment from the Daily Caller post:

    I stole your bike. I only did it because you’re a wanker. I didn’t actually want it, or want to sell it for drugs or beer or anything. I just wanted to throw it in the river. So I threw it in the river.

    Favorite comment from the Wonkette item on this:

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.” The Daily Caller writer’s imaginary girlfriend than went on to say “Forget about your bike. I need your throbbing manhood.”

  9. 9
    c u n d gulag says:

    I’ve heard the old trope about ‘A Conservative is a Liberal who’se been mugged.’

    But this is a new one:
    ‘A racist Conservative is a Liberal whose bike was stolen!”

    And yeah, he was a real Liberal once, ’cause whenever something’s stolen, we Liberals always assume it was a black person who stole it.

    Too bad they didn’t just steal the seat, and let this idjit impale himself.

    What an ASS!

    What a dope. What a MAROON!

  10. 10
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Satanicpanic: Bingo. Judge confuses his stupidity with “white guilt.” As a genuine white lady, I can attest I don’t regard black people as magical creatures, nor do I leave valuables unguarded in high-crime areas, regardless of demographic composition. Because that would be stupid.

    Also2: Judge says, “My favorite movie growing up was “’In the Heat of the Night.’” Interesting variation on “some of my best friends are black.”

  11. 11
    kindness says:

    Two questions.

    Why couldn’t the guy go searching for his bike without concern over or pre-supposing what color the thief was?

    Why didn’t this guy have his bike locked up?

  12. 12
    gocart mozart says:

    What’s he doing with a faggy bike anyways? Who ever stole it did him a favor by saving him from the taunts of the drill baby teabaggers who must of thought him to be a closeted liberal demoncrat who secretly supported socialised bike paths paid for by pick-up driving real Americans.

  13. 13
    Some Guy says:

    Wow. From a stolen bike. We go from annoying property crime to white persecution?

    Got resentment?

  14. 14
    Enhanced Voting Techniques says:

    American history privileged white males have of course been the real victims of the last 250 years, right?

    Exactly, if the blacks didn’t insist on making the birth choice of being born black they wouldn’t force whites to enslave and exploit them. /snark

  15. 15
    Immanentize says:

    That one almost got the ni-CLANG award. Santorum has competition!

  16. 16
    Sargent Pepper's Spray says:

    This would make an excellent remake of the Bicycle Thief.

  17. 17
    SenyorDave says:

    I had a snarky comment ready, but why bother. On some levels Mark Judge is just a racist piece of shit.

  18. 18
    gbear says:

    Without reading the article, I’ll guess there’s a 60% chance that he used the phrase ‘their hippety-hoppety music’.

  19. 19
    cathyx says:

    I live in a fairly white town, and I would never leave my bike somewhere without it being locked. And besides, how does he know that a black person stole it? He didn’t see it happen.

  20. 20
    forked tongue says:

    @Sargent Pepper’s Spray:

    This would make an excellent remake of the Bicycle Thief. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.

    FTFY

  21. 21
    jibeaux says:

    @Satanicpanic: Exactly. I just listened to the Tina Fey audiobook, Bossypants, which I recommend. She quotes her dad at one point, “if you see two kids riding around on one bike, put your bike in the garage.”

  22. 22
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @SenyorDave:

    Just this.

    The ASSUMPTION that it must have been a ni*CLANG* reminds me of that guy in Tulsa who decided that, since a ni*CLANG* killed his dad, all ni*CLANGS* are equally guilty.

    Heaven forefend that some Jew offered this guy charity while he was down and out as a struggling painter in Vienna…

  23. 23
    Schlemizel says:

    I call bullshit on the whole story. I have known many many liberals in my life and am about as far left as it gets here on BJ I think.

    I have never, ever, ever heard anyone say anything even remotely close to “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.” to excuse a theft.

    Nice try though

  24. 24
    Jennifer says:

    He should check the basement of the Alamo.

  25. 25
    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick says:

    it was me, i stole his bike.

    li meant it as a prank, but then he got so pissed, i couldn’t just return it, could i? besides the sashimi and sake were going through me, and i had to go.

  26. 26
    Gary says:

    I think you people are showing a decided lack of empathy for this poor boy who is missing his bike.

    Someone should relieve his anxiety and tell him that his bike is in the basement of the Alamo.

  27. 27
    Some Guy says:

    Another way of thinking of this is treating all petty theft as a “get out of racism free card.”

    I WAS a racist until some unknown person robbed me. Now I am just a realist. My geometric logic is invincible!

  28. 28
    Satanicpanic says:

    @cathyx: White people live in the ghetto too, and I would guess that some of them steal bikes once in a while.

  29. 29
    Gary says:

    @Jennifer: Dang! You beat me by a minute!

    References to the classics are always handy.

  30. 30
    handsmile says:

    Mark Judge’s “white pain” would probably be eased if he knew that his stolen bike had been sold, and the proceeds donated to the George Zimmerman defense fund.

  31. 31
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Some Guy:

    My geometric logic is invincible!

    It was the strawberries!

  32. 32
    muddy says:

    I wouldn’t leave my bike unlocked anywhere, even in a “nice” neighborhood. I don’t leave my car unlocked in my nice wee village, either. Shitty kids/teens exist in every environment.

    I put an old leather desk chair with arms and wheels out in front with a “FREE” sign on it, common practice here. Then brats came and rolled each other up and down the street in it. I chased them off, they said, But it’s free! I said free to take it away, not to bust it up and injure yourselves, leaving a mess in the road. And idiot parents who would probably sue me over it. I chained it to the fence and adapted the sign to “free if you take it home, ask me to unlock it – adults only”.

  33. 33
    Some Guy says:

    @Satanicpanic: Yes, but if I worry about white people too, I won’t know where to put my fear of black people. You can see my quandary.

  34. 34
    mdblanche says:

    What’s the over/under for how soon the the Daily Caller hires John Derbyshire?

  35. 35
    Rafer Janders says:

    It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town because you didn’t want to admit that the crime is worse in poor black neighborhoods.

    Leave a bike in a poor white neighorhood. Now leave a bike in a middle-class black neighborhood. Which bike is more likely to be stolen? So, um, maybe the key factor here is poverty and not race….?

  36. 36
    Cacti says:

    I humbly suggest that we add “Trayvon Martin stole my bike” to the tag lines.

  37. 37
    butler says:

    Why wouldn’t you lock your bike up?

    The most common crime on my college campus was bike theft. This despite the fact that black student population was less than a rounding error. White and asian kids (not to mention middle and upper class kids) are perfectly capable of stealing bikes.

    Whatever the race of the potential thief, its a pretty easy crime to prevent. Lock up your damn bike.

  38. 38
    Argive says:

    In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    I would love to meet a liberal who actually says things like this. They are probably about as common as conservatives who aren’t lying when they say they were in the Special Forces or Navy SEALs.

  39. 39
    Jennifer says:

    @mdblanche: They’ll have to snap him up before CNN does.

  40. 40
    Some Guy says:

    @Cacti: PERFECT. Except maybe not, because the poor kid was killed. But symbolically just yes.

  41. 41
    PurpleGirl says:

    So many questions about/for the jerk: Did he have the bike listed on his apartment insurance? Did he report the theft to the police and the insurance company? How can be so sure it was stolen by a Black person? Is he going to scour white neighborhoods too? Did he indeed have it locked and the chain was cut? His parents were liberal but he’s become conservatard because…?

  42. 42
    satby says:

    Yeah, Judge is a racist, always was a racist, and looks to always be a racist. That his first thought was that a black person MUST have stolen his bike and that act releases him of all “white guilt” is what you call prima facie evidence.

    And re the white guys in Tulsa: white daddy was shot by a black guy as white daddy was attempting a burglary and the black guy wasn’t prosecuted under OK Stand Your Ground laws. But those laws weren’t meant to protect blah people from criminal whites really, were they?

  43. 43
    khead says:

    @Some Guy:

    The mess boys stole the bike.

  44. 44
    Rafer Janders says:

    We’re all human, we all experience pain in our lives. And black pain is no different than white pain.

    This recalls Anatole France’s famous line that “the law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich and the poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.”

    Similarly, white people in America, just as much as blacks, have felt the sting of racism and prejudice, are stopped as much on the streets, are pulled over for driving while white, suffer the same lazy accusations based on nothing but skin colo…oh, wait, they don’t? Well, never mind.

  45. 45
    phantomist says:

    He went the salvation army and bought a $20 bike and put it outside unlocked for week before it was stolen. Finally, he can write that great story he’s had in his head for years.

  46. 46
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Argive:

    would love to meet a liberal who actually says things like this. They are probably about as common as conservatives who aren’t lying when they say they were in the Special Forces or Navy SEALs.

    Or served in uniform, period.

  47. 47
    Redshift says:

    @Satanicpanic: Seriously. I grew up in a lily-white suburb in the 60s and 70s, and I had a bike lock. Claiming that his parents were dumb enough to teach him that he had to leave his bike unlocked to prove he wasn’t racist? Poor straw-man liberals are probably spinning in their graves.

    Dude, you’re a pretend-liberal who writes for the Daily Caller for gosh sake, you’re not fooling anyone. No one has “white guilt” except conservatives pretending to be liberals. There are so many straw men in this one, he could protect a whole factory farm from crows…

  48. 48
    DCLaw1 says:

    Problem with building arguments with anecdotes is that they are vulnerable to other, countervailing anecdotes. For instance (true story), a friend of mine fairly recently had his bike stolen from a rack. Locked and everything. This was in DC, mind you, and not in an area uniformly surrounded by the affluent.

    He was so pissed off that he did some research. Without going into detail, I’ll just say that he found his bike for sale on a website, posted very shortly after it was stolen. He arranged to meet with the seller, to verify that it was his bike and identify the thief. He confirmed that it was his bike, and the seller’s story made it clear that he was, in fact, the thief. When confronted about it, the seller essentially admitted to having stolen it (as opposed to buying it from someone else on the street).

    The bike thief was a white dude. “Ordinary” looking guy in his late 20s, quite decidedly not the type that is profiled.

    Anecdotes are like that. Some anecdotes, however, actually identify the perpetrator rather than make assumptions.

  49. 49
    Some Guy says:

    @Rafer Janders: Now, now. We can’t go judging white people as a group because each is a snowflake of potential guilty behavior. And because they are all so different, it is important that we understand their specific differences in contrast to just how dangerous black people are as a group. ‘Cause fair is fair.

  50. 50
    Lojasmo says:

    White on white bicycle theft is much more common. That’s why a presumably black guy thought it was okay to steal a white guy’s bike.

    /Wyldepyrate

    You don’t know what happened. The bike could have been taken by spacemen.

    /burns

    ETA: I didn’t think blacks could ride bikes…or is that swim? I can never keep this shit straight.

  51. 51
    peach flavored shampoo says:

    I’m tired of people using the moral authority of past generations for their own personal gain and self-aggrandizement

    So now he’s going to criticize Israel when they deserve it, too, right? Right?

  52. 52
    Jennifer says:

    @Argive: I’ve actually said things like that.

    I had a friend 15, 20 years ago whose house was burglarized when everyone was out at work/school. She went straight for “you know it was n***ers who did it.” I said, no, you don’t know that, it could have been anyone, in fact it’s less likely the burglars were black because they’d be more likely to be noticed in this neighborhood going in and out of a house in broad daylight. She stuck to her guns though – because you know only black people steal. Like all those black investment bankers on Wall Street.

    A couple of weeks after the insurance company replaced the stolen stuff, they came back and burglarized the house again. Her husband had been quite upset that, after the first burglary, the insurer had only given them replacement stuff rather than cash; said husband was a drunk who was digging them deeper and deeper into debt. I always suspected he was the one who “burglarized” their house – pawned the stuff, then when the money didn’t come through from the insurer, stole the replacement stuff and pawned it again.

  53. 53
    Rafer Janders says:

    Soledad O’Brien, a Harvard graduate, acts like she just stepped off the Amistad.

    From Michael Powell’s column today in the NY Times on the NYPD’s aggressive and unconstitutional stop and frisk (i.e. stop and frisk anyone walking while black and male) policy:

    “I tried this around my dining room table this weekend. I am white and my sons — Aidan, 19, and Nick, 24 — travel to many corners of a city that they love. Has a cop, I asked, ever stopped you? Both shook their heads no. On Monday morning, I put that question to eight black male students who attend the Borough of Manhattan Community College. Cumulatively, they said they had been stopped 92 times.”

    You know why people act like they just stepped off the Amistad? Because they still get treated that way.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04.....ref=gotham

  54. 54
    Some Guy says:

    @khead: They had too. It is the only rational conclusion. They have always been out to undermine me.

  55. 55
    billiecat says:

    Soledad O’Brien stole this poor kid’s bike? What a meanie.

  56. 56
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    Like he has any liberal friends who would say something about forgiving the person and he needs to be in our prayers. That’s a crock of ship paragraph. The only reason I would tell him to forget about the bike is that unless he’s got a GPS tracker on it, he’s never going to get it back. He made that paragraph up.

  57. 57
    Oliver's Neck says:

    I guess Judge overshot in his attempt to get Derbyshire’s gig at NRO.

  58. 58
    kindness says:

    @muddy: Did you tell them to get off your lawn too?

  59. 59
    adamchaz says:

    What about black people that get their bike stolen? Can they then go all “New Black Panther Party” on white people.

  60. 60
    Hugh says:

    And the black community rose up and stole his bike.

  61. 61
    Oliver's Neck says:

    And anyway, I’m sure that jerk Francis is the one who really stole his bike.

  62. 62
    Some Guy says:

    @billiecat: I think you are confusing Soledad with someone who endured the middle passage, chained and stacked for weeks like wood in a hold full of filth, disease, and dead bodies and subject to rape, starvation and other violations. Because black people who go to Harvard act JUST like that. They don’t steal bikes, they evidently steal misery and misuse it? I am spitballing here, can anybody help get Soledad’s place in this “argument” worked out?

  63. 63
    Bago says:

    If you want to talk bike theft, go to burning man.

  64. 64
    Low Umberage Threshold says:

    Soledad O’Brien, a Harvard graduate, acts like she just stepped off the Amistad.

    Oh, Mein Gott; Mark needs to relax and eat some fruit. Or read some Frantz Fanon. Or something.

  65. 65
    300baud says:

    Wow. Just wow. Did I read this right? Is his point really, “I liked my bike a lot, and when I imagine the thief it’s a black guy, so that pretty much balances out slavery, Jim Crow, and today’s substantial ongoing racism”?

    Sometimes people do this thing when confronted by complexity that they find personally inconvenient. They just say, “Fuck it, I’ll believe something simpler.” The gold standard types, for example. Or “sanctity of marriage.” Or this. “Race in America is hard! So now I’ll blame all black people for my stolen bike!”

    By the way, I was trying to figure out who this guy is. His bio just says he’s the author of a book. It’s a 1.5-star book, and one reviewer writes: “I was looking forward to a nuanced take on the book’s subtitle, ‘Sex, Catholicism, and Rock and Roll,’ and was subjected to pages long arguments with writers E.J. Dionne and Andrew Sullivan, with music criticism limited to a cursory mention of “Love” lyrics and a final mention of Lester Bangs and Van Morrison that ends the book abruptly. Huh?”

  66. 66
    Punchy says:

    He should check the basement of the Alamo

    Funniest fucking comment in months. The Intertubez is yours for the day.

  67. 67
    kerFuFFler says:

    Kind of OT, but not entirely…

    My boyfriend, Rob, and I were going to bike down to Toledo from Ann Arbor. It would have been the first time I met his parents. The night before I was beginning to fret that it was possible that my endurance would flag partway leading to an extraordinarily humiliating debacle. Someone would have to get a car big enough to carry the two of us and our bikes the rest of the way to Toledo—-and then the return trip would have to be negotiated. I anticipated that this would not make me very popular with Rob or his parents. Fret, fret, fret….fret,fret!

    Just then there was a soft knocking at my door. And there was Rob, looking quite dejected—-someone had just stolen his bike off the front porch! I did my best to suppress a smile (more like a war whoop!)—-and to this day, I have a soft spot in my heart for bicycle thieves. After all, Rob and I have been married 30 years now and who knows what would have happened if we had been able to embark on our doomed bike trip?

  68. 68
    Captain Howdy says:

    If Judge had had the foresight to acquire a black friend as an amulet he might have avoided all these unjust charges of racism.

  69. 69
    Satanicpanic says:

    @Redshift: His liberal parents are straight out of fantasy land. “you should pray for that kid who stole you bike”? NO WAY. More like “who stole your bike? I’m going to go talk to his mom! Come on!”

  70. 70
    aimai says:

    Wait, the guy goes to a Catholic University and a friend from school gives him

    27 ¶ But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
    28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
    29 And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.
    30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.
    31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
    —Luke

    And he is angry? I guess Jesus was a liberal, after all. But what’s Mark’s (Mark!) excuse for going to that liberal bastion, Catholic University?

    aimai

  71. 71
    g says:

    Too bad they didn’t knock over his barbecue grill, too.

  72. 72
    scav says:

    It felt good to say it: _____ pain is no different than ____ pain. I’m tired of people using the moral authority of past generations for their own personal gain and self-aggrandizement

    Oh? What about a certain smallish foreign nation using it as a one-size-fits all justification for whatever military actions they want to take? I’d check for authorization before pulling out that line of argumentation.

    Soledad O’Brien, a Harvard graduate, acts like she just stepped off the Amistad.

    Well, I’m tired of every aging white dude acting as though he’s a gene splice between George Washington, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Charles Babbage, Leonardo da Vinci and Leonard da Caprio and should be treated/honored as such. You’re more likely about a fifth tier middle-management cog that forgets where you put your bike and may have once invented the mayo on the outside sandwich genre in a fit of inattention.

  73. 73
    Some Guy says:

    @Captain Howdy: I think he can get that talisman pretty easily.

  74. 74
    Woodrowfan says:

    The area around Catholic University is a high crime area. Numerous generations of poverty will do that. The righties would rather blame race than poverty because then they’d have to ask hard questions about poverty and income inequality. Like Rafrer said up-thread, “Leave a bike in a poor white neighborhood. Now leave a bike in a middle-class black neighborhood. Which bike is more likely to be stolen?

  75. 75
    Comrade Mary says:

    Guys: HE DID LOCK HIS BIKE.

    Now he may not have locked it very well, but FFS, even locked bikes get stolen in all kinds of neighbourhoods. Judge is an whiny-ass idiot. His bike may have been stolen by someone of any colour, although IF what he says about the neighbourhood demographics are correct, it is more likely that the thief was black. So fucking what? Get back to me on this when white people stop stealing shit.

    Really, this was just an excuse to posture as a brave, insightful man not cowed by race. Ick.

  76. 76
    Captain Howdy says:

    @Some Guy: LOL. (Black Ken Doll? That ain’t right.)

  77. 77
    El Cid says:

    __

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    This is bullshit. Totally made up to have a useful, simple, stereotyped liberal foil.

  78. 78
    flukebucket says:

    Speaking of the priviledged white male being the real victims I never thought that this statement by Bill Lee ever got the coverage and attention that it deserved.

    “Our investigation is color blind and based on the facts and circumstances, not color. I know I can say that until I am blue in the face, but as a white man in a uniform, I know it doesn’t mean anything to anybody.” Sanford (FL) Police Chief Bill Lee.

    When you are a white police chief and see yourself as the oppressed and downtrodden you have some weird shit going on in your head.

  79. 79
    BigSouthern says:

    His liberal friend is obviously a forgery. Everyone knows liberals are filthy atheists who don’t believe in the power of prayer. I’m sure his bike is securely in the hands of the DC chapter of the New Black Panthers for communal use on the various paper routes they maintain to fill up that $10k bounty on poor George Zimmerman.

  80. 80
    Oliver's Neck says:

    Get back to me on this when white people stop stealing shit.

    Hear, hear!

  81. 81
    Culture of Truth says:

    I’m tired of people using the moral authority of past generations for their own personal gain and self-aggrandizement.

    This argument was old in Dartmouth in 1985. It hasn’t improved.

  82. 82

    A man’s mind may darken when not equipped to make the walk home with a black spandex nut protrusion.

  83. 83
    Argive says:

    @Jennifer:

    I don’t know, it sounds like you were being a lot more logical than Judge’s imaginary friend.

  84. 84
    Face says:

    Whoa whoa whoa. Soledad O’Brien is Negrette?

  85. 85
    Culture of Truth says:

    Wait, someone stole this idiot’s binkie?

  86. 86
    Someguy says:

    I am curious how collective racial guilt plays out for other races – does it even apply to others or is white western oppression so unique that it’s a white-only thing? As a mostly white person (one drop rule, right?) I’ve always wondered if I should feel completely guilty for the failings of the western europeans diaspora, or just partially guilty (since the *other* side of my family was on the opressed end of things).

  87. 87
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Get back to me on this when white people stop stealing shit.

    Furthermore, get back to me when receivers of stolen goods (I’m looking at you, JP Morgan and Company) return the $1 billion of MF Global’s customers money.

    Oh, that’s white people. White people who have Ivy league degrees. Never mind.

  88. 88
    Culture of Truth says:

    The first step in TreatingEveryoneTheSame® is bravely announcing CrimeIsWorseInTheBlackPartOfTown®

  89. 89
    gnomedad says:

    Throw off the chains of Political Correctness and unleash your Inner Asshole! Yeah, baby!

  90. 90
    Doug Danger says:

    @Bago: And if you’re an idiot, bring a nice bike to a city of 60k people, very few of whom will be there more than a few days.

    Yellow bikes are free to use at Burning Man. The playa kills bikes. Don’t bring a nice bike – or a bike you really care about at all. Typical burgin mistake I see year after year. “Someone stole my $3k bike while I was doing e at Opulent temple! Help!”

    Idiots.

  91. 91
    WyldPirate says:

    All of you fuckwits on here making asses of yourself assuming that the guy didn’t have his bike locked up. Ever hear of something called bolt cutters?

  92. 92
    Cacti says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    Guys: HE DID LOCK HIS BIKE.

    Indeedy. Getting his bike stolen makes him the victim of a theft. “He didn’t lock his bike” is just a variant of the “she was wearing a short skirt” argument.

    What makes him a moron is that he uses his stolen bike to vicariously blame all liberals and all black people in greater DC for it.

  93. 93
    handsmile says:

    Having now read through these comments, as a liberal I must lecture you about profiling racists like Mark Judge. This person needs our prayers and help. He hasn’t had the advantages we have of adult moral development and critical thinking skills.

  94. 94
    Zandar says:

    GTA 3 IS REAL YO.

  95. 95
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @WyldPirate:

    Ah, one of our stone racist trolls makes its loathsome appearance on the thread.

  96. 96
    liberal says:

    The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge …

    Yikes! Having had a bad morning, I scanned that as Mike Judge. Thank FSM it’s just some random Village asshole.

  97. 97
    Randy P says:

    @Schlemizel:
    I think the parents of the Woody Allen character said something much like that in “Annie Hall”. But that was, you know, FICTION. Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the source of this person’s knowledge of How Liberals Think. Wingers seem to have difficulty with the concepts of satire and humor.

  98. 98
    Silver says:

    Why do the blacks need bikes? Ron Paul famously noted how fleet of foot they are…

  99. 99
    Culture of Truth says:

    I’ve never felt white guilt until reading that piece of crap

  100. 100
    Amir Khalid says:

    Well, I read the article, and Mike Judge insists he did lock up his bike. So I’d guess that whoever took it was likely not some juvenile delinquent who happened along, but a professional thief equipped with lock-picking tools — and able to quickly sell it to a fence. Judge’s bike wouldn’t have been safe from such a thief in any neighborhood, and searching the area for it would have been futile.

    The thief might well not even live in the neighborhood where (s)he stole Judge’s bike — and could be black, as Judge’s prejudices tell him; or white; or Asian; or a Ferengi, for all anyone knows.

    So I’d agree that this theft was just a convenient excuse for Judge to vent his bigotry. I wonder, does he get like this if a black driver cuts him off in traffic, or when a black salesclerk inadvertently shortchanges him by a nickel?

  101. 101
    twiffer says:

    @Satanicpanic: exactly. leaving your bike unlocked anywhere is the equivalent of hanging a “free bike!” sign on it.

  102. 102
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Shorter Mark Judge: I’ll stop accusing you of stealing my shit when you stop making me feel guilty for thinking you are stealing my shit.

  103. 103
    Cacti says:

    @WyldPirate:

    All of you fuckwits on here making asses of yourself assuming that the guy didn’t have his bike locked up. Ever hear of something called bolt cutters?

    Ye gods. Wyldie is actually right about this one.

    Way too much victim blaming going on this thread. There’s plenty to object to in the dimwitted article without blaming a man for having his property stolen.

  104. 104
    Lojasmo says:

    @WyldPirate:

    True, but white on white bolt cutter ism is uh more common, so that’s why this happened.

    Anybody want to take bets on whether or not this clown actually road a bike into a predominantly black neighborhood? I’m thinking no.

  105. 105

    “It felt good to say it: Black pain is no different than white pain minor inconvenience.” FIXED!

  106. 106
    Culture of Truth says:

    My bike was stolen, years ago, in a white part of a white town. The guy who did probably justified it to himself by saying black people have all the advantages of affirmative action so it’s ok. Which is assholish but it feels good to have proof all white people suck.

  107. 107
    Culture of Truth says:

    It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town

    If anyone is blaming the victim, it’s mark judge

  108. 108
    shortstop says:

    Although white people are not collectively guilty for slavery, black people are collectively guilty for this man’s bike going missing, and anyway, loss of property is just as bad as being designated someone’s property. Oh, and some black guys in Baltimore beat a white guy up, so black-on-black violence is the real problem in the Trayvon Martin case. I trust you all learned something today, and with the time you have left over, you can educate your dumbass selves by looking up all the good things Nathan Bedford Forrest did, which he never gets any credit for because you self-righteous do-gooders are always whining about the slavery thing and the Fort Pillow thing and blah blah blah. Thank you.

  109. 109
    TR says:

    @WyldPirate:

    Oh, bolt cutters exist?

    Well then, there must be nothing racist at all in his argument. At all.

    Good job missing the point by a mile. Why don’t you go lay down while the grown-ups talk?

  110. 110
  111. 111
    kth says:

    “acts like she just stepped off the Amistad”? I can only guess that that’s a reference to O’Brien’s failure to agree that Harvard law prof Derrick Bell is history’s greatest monster.

  112. 112
    Redshift says:

    @Some Guy:

    I am spitballing here, can anybody help get Soledad’s place in this “argument” worked out?

    Existing in his world and not loudly proclaiming that we are a post-racial society, perhaps? As we all know, acknowledging race means you are the real racist and are demanding special privileges because of past wrongs that no living white person benefited from at all.

  113. 113

    Sorry fucker made that dialog up for his fellow travelers to slurp on. To hell with this clown.

  114. 114
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    And yet, this asshole just assumes that it was some ni*CLANG* who stole his bike.

    Well, obviously. It’s what THOSE “people” (and I use this term in a very broad sense that includes many other primates, nudge nudge!) do. They go around looking to steal the property of white people. They target white people for property crimes. They’d never steal from a Black or Asian person, because they have DNA scanners that check the bike seat to make sure they’re only lifting whitey’s wheels! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    Mark Judge is being punished for the crimes of his ancestors who enslaved Blacks. That’s what this is all about, obviously. It’s payback time, muthafukka!

  115. 115
    gene108 says:

    @satby:

    And re the white guys in Tulsa: white daddy was shot by a black guy as white daddy was attempting a burglary and the black guy wasn’t prosecuted under OK Stand Your Ground laws. But those laws weren’t meant to protect blah people from criminal whites really, were they?

    Black guys serving a six year prison sentence for stuff related to what went down that day – attempted burglary, shooting off a gun in front of people, parole violation of some kind and probably some other stuff.

    The fact he wasn’t convicted of some form of homicide doesn’t exclude the fact the police and D.A. have him incarcerated for what happened then.

  116. 116
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Culture of Truth: Asians as a race are just as guilty here. I watched an Asian kid steal my neighbor’s bike. He rode up on a lousy bike into her driveway where she had her nice bike parked. He got off his bike, leaving it, and rode off on her bike.

    Now I know some of you Asian apologists will claim that he was simply a very good trader, like all Asians, but he clearly stole my neighbor’s bike and therefore reveals a fundamental truth about the paucity of morals in the Asian DNA.

  117. 117
    TR says:

    @Redshift:

    I am spitballing here, can anybody help get Soledad’s place in this “argument” worked out?

    Hard to say. I guess he thinks all black people are the same?

  118. 118
    shortstop says:

    Is it too soon to conclude that the two-member New Black Panther Party came up from Pennsylvania specifically to commit this crime? I think not.

  119. 119
    GregB says:

    Hey, Dr. Laura’s life is obviously so less rich because she can’t use the N-word loudly, often and in public.

    And she’s supposed to be an educated wingnut.

  120. 120
    noodler says:

    This is really gross and kindof turns my stomach, a) because I live in DC and b) he has taken on so many assumptions it’s laughable.
    So, from his story, it was an LL Bean bike? on the back of his car? I would bet that east coast University kids know darn well what that’s worth. Not exactly a schwinn. He should check out for sale things on craigslist DC. Also, Spring break for CUA was in MARCH!!! There were plenty of university coeds on campus that day. But his prose, how endearing…..
    Riding his bike to the cherry blossoms, or museums or lit up hilltops.

  121. 121
    TR says:

    You think Judge would like O’Brien more, seeing how he acts like he just stepped off a slave ship too.

  122. 122
    Mnemosyne says:

    As I have ranted about here before, my bike was stolen over MLK weekend, right out of our carport. Double locked (u-lock and armored chain).

    And I have to admit, it never occurred to me that I was supposed to automatically assume it was a black person. In fact, given the neighborhood I live in, it was almost certainly a white (Armenian) dude. Maybe Latino.

    Also, too, stolen bikes generally end up on Craigslist within a couple of days, so it’s worth his while to monitor it. Assuming he can give up blaming black people for a day or two, that is.

  123. 123
    gaz says:

    Judge may be tired of white guilt.

    I’m even more tired of racism.

    What a fucking couple of weeks. Derbyshite, Judge, etc.

    They should just get it the fuck over with and write a 3 paragraph repetition of the word Ni-CLANG for their next columns.

    What a crock of shit. It’s 2012. Fucking hell.

    Time for me to make some water balloons filled with pepper spray. (My old coffee pot is still good for something).

    I think I’ll visit my county GOP HQ – yeah they have one.

    It’s a food product, right?

  124. 124
    shortstop says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: Why didn’t you shoot him? He could have picked up that bike and hit you. Clearly you were threatened.

  125. 125
    Culture of Truth says:

    “My bicycle is not outside where I left it. Soledad O’Brien is thinks she’s all THAT.”

  126. 126
    superking says:

    I think my favorite thing here is that he wasn’t even using his bike on that day. He drove his car to church, and the bike was locked on a rack on the back of the car. WTF?

  127. 127
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @shortstop:

    He could have used the well known Asian death glare, too. That alone justifies a preemptive summary execution because, you know, it’s threatening.

    In the same sense that, in 1939, Poland’s horse cavalry was about to overrun Germany and establish Polish colonies along the Rhein.

  128. 128
    Cacti says:

    I blame Snoopy snoopy poop dog and rap music for the stolen bike.

    Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!

  129. 129

    When I was 11 years old, somebody stole my new bike out of the bike rack at the community pool in our extremely whitebread Fairfax County, Va. suburb.

    There was about a 99.9% chance that my bike was stolen by a white.

    Goes to show that whites are just an immoral, thievin’, freeloading bunch of grifters.

    Nothing to it.

  130. 130
    shortstop says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: It feels good to be with someone who understands.

  131. 131
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @shortstop: As a rule, I side with anyone who opposes the animal hording crazy neighbor lady.

  132. 132
    Culture of Truth says:

    The blacks are in Harvard now, so why did they steal his bicycle?

  133. 133
    300baud says:

    @gaz:

    Your mention of “ni-CLANG” made me look up the scene:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcZ9ku_wInw

    To my amazement, there’s actually a good YouTube comment: “This country’s entire right-wing, for the last 4 years.”

  134. 134
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Mnemosyne: I am completely paranoid about my bikes getting stolen. While I’ll use one lock on a quick spin out on local errands, I double lock downtown or if I’m going to leave the bike out for more than 30 minutes.

    They’re in a locked garage at home but aren’t locked inside it. A few weeks ago, I was notified by a neighbour that my garage door was wide open. It must have been open for at least three days (When I was last in the garage), but both bikes — and everything else — were still there. Did I mention that I live in a very racially diverse neighbourhood? Why are the black and brown people who live near me such slackers on the theft front?

  135. 135
    El Cid says:

    I don’t have a bike right now, but I’m pretty sure that if I had one and it got stolen, it would be a black kid, so I resent being forced to fantasize about Standing My Ground and shooting one of these darkies while in hot, hot pursuit..

  136. 136
    Tone In DC says:

    @handsmile:

    LULz.

    We had a bike stolen, way back when in Silver Spring. I came back from work in the afternoon to ride it home from the station. Gone. And yes, it was locked up.

    I don’t care about the ethnicity of the thief. Admittedly, I will now show my firm grasp of the obvious: after living here almost all my life, I’ve learned that if it ain’t nailed down, it’s gonna get stolen.
    At a law firm, years ago they caught one the lawyers stealing PENS. Not a few boxes. More like a gross. Just because he could (and this guy may have been a partner).

    Anyway, the point is… if I know this, then the Judge brain donor has to know it.

  137. 137
    kth says:

    @TR: as I referenced above, O’Brien, a perfectly benign media personality without the slightest trace of resentment, made the mistake of debunking some idiotic Breitbart item regarding Obama and Derrick Bell. Full treatment of the nontroversy here (warning: the link is to Mediaite, but it was the only even halfway-sane site to appear in the first ten search results).

  138. 138
    Mnemosyne says:

    @low-tech cyclist:

    My bike got stolen out of our garage when I was a teenager. Pretty much the only black guy in town was Tom Morello, so, really, the most likely …

    Oh my god — Tom Morello stole my bike! That bastard!

  139. 139
    Zandar says:

    I blame Dr. Hans Doofenschmirtz and his Bike Stealinator.

  140. 140
    shortstop says:

    @Culture of Truth: You’re conflating the two brands of black people, both of which are victimizing and generally annoying white people: the uppity ones who are in high office and visible media positions, and the gangstas who steal everything in sight. Fortunately there are only those two categories of blackness, so you should be able to memorize them quickly now that you know.

  141. 141
    Argive says:

    @low-tech cyclist:

    Yeah, when I was a kid, I lost two bikes to theft. And I grew up in Chestnut Hill, PA, the most stereotypical white flight neighborhood you ever did see.

  142. 142
    kindness says:

    @WyldPirate: Bolt cutters won’t cut through a Krypton lockbar. Sorry but even in the big city you can mitigate theft without much problems. In NYC I see people with those heavy weight chains wrapped around themselves while riding so even there you can do something. Sadly in those areas you have to take all easily removable items (seat) with you when you leave.

  143. 143
    Cacti says:

    @low-tech cyclist:

    When I was 11 years old, somebody stole my new bike out of the bike rack at the community pool in our extremely whitebread Fairfax County, Va. suburb.

    When I was a kid, my older brother had his bike stolen in our extremely white, middle income neighborhood. There were 2 or 3 black families that lived there, so it was probably one of them.

    They all lived close to each other too. Just like black people to want to live around each other so they can plot shit while listening to Snoopy snoopy poop dog.

  144. 144
    mai naem says:

    UDoes daily caller have an affirmative action program for hiring smart people. Because they sure have a lack of them

  145. 145
  146. 146
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    We moved to the west side of San Antonio when I was a kid and I had my shiny yellow 5 speed stolen. I mowed lawns to buy that thing. It was chainlocked to the back of the house. Turns out those chainlocks were really easy to solve.

    But the lesson here is that Messicans will steal anything that isn’t nailed down. I know I’m not telling you all anything you don’t already know but sometimes it’s cathartic to just say it out loud.

  147. 147
    Argive says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Zach de la Rocha put him up to it. They probably sold your bike and gave the proceeds to the Zapatistas.

  148. 148
    shortstop says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead: The lesson for me is that there are many lawns to mow in San Antonio.

  149. 149

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    Aren’t all liberals athiests? I call shenanigans. Pro Tip: In the future, try to keep your stereotypes fom banging into each other. Thanks in advance.

    Respectfully,

    Go Fuck yourself

  150. 150
    ET says:

    I live in DC so I spend quite a bit of time on local neighborhood blogs. This attitude come up a lot. Being a victim of a crime is annoying no matter where you are so I can understand his rage/annoyance. And yes the chances are that his bike was stolen by a black teenager.

    Of course it has been my observation that whites moving to DC have really weird sense of what living in a city is like. Sure it would be nice to be able to leave your computer in your car in plain view or your bike unchained or listen to your ipod as you clueless walk down the street and not become a victim of a crime. But this is the real world. This is a big city with lots of people of various socio-economic backgrounds and differing senses of good/bad behavior. Yes stealing is bad and it shouldn’t be tolerated but the fact is that people have been stealing from others going back to the dawn of time and will continue long after my dead body has decomposed. Talking about how it shouldn’t happen won’t change that. Maybe I am too blase about it but honestly you do the best you can to reduce the chances that you will be a victim of a crime but sometimes you number is up and you get your bike stolen.

  151. 151
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @mai naem:

    Given who the founder of Daily Caller is, it’s pretty obvious that they would eschew an affirmative action program for hiring smart people, simply on principle, not to mention the founder doesn’t want to be shown up at the office.

  152. 152
    Nutella says:

    I’m interested in his statistical analysis here. His bike disappears. Since DC is majority black, a black person must have stolen it!

    So does he think that the whites in DC, since they’re in the minority, never steal bikes? Do minorities ever do anything at all if any occurrence can be reliably attributed to the majority?

    Apparently this Daily Caller twit (how’s that for redundant) thinks that he himself, as a white person in DC, is helpless to do anything all because the majority is responsible for doing all the things.

  153. 153
    Chris says:

    Via Gawker, The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge lives in DC and is white. His bike was stolen last week. This means that because DC’s population is mostly black, that Mark Judge is now free to unleash his inner racist upon the Capital, unfettered by “guilt” or “the common sense God gave a spiny echidna” or “humanity”. Handy!

    I live in DC. I’m white. Twice, I’ve had my bike stolen and once I’ve had parts of it (rear wheel) stolen. All three of these times, the place where my bike had been tied up was in Montgomery County, a nice middle class suburb where the majority of people are white.

    So I’m not sure what he thinks his bike theft proves about black people, but take it from me, white people do it too.

  154. 154
    Mnemosyne says:

    Classic t-shirt from Threadless.

    In case you can’t read the small print:

    I don’t even want this bike back. I just made these flyers to tell you that I hate you, bike thief. I hope you ride my bike without a helmet and get hit by a monster truck. I hope my bike takes you straight to hell.

  155. 155
    Culture of Truth says:

    If he was an dumbass for leaving a bike unlocked because it could be easily stolen, but in fact locked it, but only with a chain easily broken by bolt cutters, and he would be dumbass for not having heard about bolt cutters, then he’s still a dumbass.

    Anyway, he’s blaming his parents for guilting him into leaving his locked bike at the corner of Niclang Street and Stealytown Road, so he’s all kinds of stupid anyway.

  156. 156
    shortstop says:

    @ET:

    honestly you do the best you can to reduce the chances that you will be a victim of a crime but sometimes you number is up and you get your bike stolen

    This is the attitude of a normal, well-adjusted person who possesses perspective. The other kind carries a gun and is always two seconds away from a raging rant about brown people.

  157. 157
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Nutella:

    Obviously, one of THOSE people at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue took his bike.

    I mean, let’s get real. We know all about THOSE people, don’t we?

  158. 158
    AA+ Bonds says:

    The Irish had nothing to do with the treatment of Blacks in this country

    Motherfuckin LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  159. 159
    AA+ Bonds says:

    IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN THE UNITED STATES IT IS VIOLENCE BETWEEN BLACKS AND IRISH

  160. 160
    scav says:

    @shortstop: Please tell me I don’t have to be entirely so well-adjusted as to give up kicking inanimate objects and swearing. I rather enjoy the license to really go with the swearing the experience provides.

  161. 161
    Cacti says:

    Shouldn’t he be grateful that an (assumed) black person stole his bike?

    Bikes are the preferred mode of transportation for euro-socialist hippie queers.

  162. 162
    AA+ Bonds says:

    And Jesus Christ in what way were the Irish treated “worse” than blacks in this country, that is some old Confederate bullshit right there

  163. 163
    Lihtox says:

    Spoken like a man who has not considered the impact of white, male privilege on his life: he learned how to avoid racism and sexism but never learned or figured out the reason why, and so he bristles at what seem to be completely arbitrary proscriptions. A reasonable reaction for a teenager or college student perhaps, but I assume this fellow is old enough to know better.

    And that’s the most racist part of the story: not anything he says, but the implication that he has never bothered to consider what it’s like to be black, never talked to anyone or read anything about the black experience. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to figure out that white people and black people are treated differently by society, but apparently he’d rather spend the time whining.

  164. 164
    khead says:

    Back when I was drinking coffee before 11 AM, I was gonna set an O/U for comments @ 200. Oopsie.

  165. 165
    kc says:

    White people never steal bikes, libbats.

  166. 166
    Mark H says:

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    He’s so full of shit. Nobody said that to him.

  167. 167
    AA+ Bonds says:

    @Lihtox:

    White people learn to avoid racism to escape shame in the eyes of their peers and when they no longer feel that shame they adopt racism immediately

    Shame, like guilt and greed, is something a good society harnesses to maintain stability

  168. 168
    gaz says:

    speaking from experience, meth-heads are by far the worst bike thieves – (I lived on broadway in seattle when everybody and their mom was cooking fish tank dope in the basements of all the apts there)…

    They use stolen bmx’s as currency – in fact, I now refer to BMX’s as meth-bikes.

    And you know what? I’ve met dozens of meth-heads. I only remember one black one on broadway. But they were ALL THIEVES – including the black one, but he wasn’t even the worst. Most of them were white. The vast majority.

    So white people are disgusting drug addicts and thieves, I guess. I’m tired of being politically correct.

  169. 169
    Zandar says:

    @gaz:

    They use stolen bmx’s as currency – in fact, I now refer to BMX’s as meth-bikes.

    They’re portable. You can have more than one if you’re on enough meth.

  170. 170
    Jennifer says:

    What I want to know is, what the fuck is going on in these fairly affluent places where bikes locked up in public view are having parts stolen off of them? I guess everyone is just looking the other way as the bicycle parts thief walks up to the chained-up bicycle and starts removing wheels and seat etc?

    I have to say I’m quite fortunate – I’ve lived in this neighborhood for almost 25 years now (good lord, I’m old) and have never had anything stolen, even out of an unlocked garage – even with the garage door standing wide open. The security systems guys show up here a couple of times a year trying to scare me into buying an alarm system and I always just tell them, nope, I don’t live in fear and really don’t need an extra bill to pay every month. If I know that almost 100% of security system alarms are false alarms, I’m pretty sure the burglars do, too – and I’m sure they also know that from the time an alarm goes off until the cops show up they’ve got a good 20 minutes to grab whatever they want and flee the scene, because the cops ALSO know that almost 100% of security system alarms are false alarms, so they aren’t in any big hurry to go check them out.

    Sad fact is we live with an alarmingly high number of scumbags of many creeds and colors. I have to say though, the bike thieves worry me a lot less than the Wall Street ones.

  171. 171
    Culture of Truth says:

    very 250-year oppression shit at the end of the piece that Court said he was pissed about.

    What language was this translated from?

  172. 172
    AA+ Bonds says:

    I steal bikes and jump them over dead CEOs

  173. 173
    shortstop says:

    @scav: What have I ever said here–EVER SAID HERE–that would lead you to such an outlandish conclusion?

  174. 174
    AA+ Bonds says:

    The lane that I own is all of em cause Im a pig, I’ll slap your little kids and act like I never did

  175. 175
    JustMe says:

    I’m as liberal as they come, raised by liberals, and surrounded by liberals. And I:

    Had a bike lock.

    Have had my bike stolen.

    Have had my even-more-liberal-than-I-am friend suffer a bike theft right outside my own apartment.

    And no one ever said ‘“That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”’ in reply to these events. Not to mention the fact that you can’t go around claiming that all liberals are godless while at the same time putting “That person needs our prayers” in their mouth.

  176. 176
    Martin says:

    @MattF:

    As we all know, a conservative is a liberal who misplaced half his IQ. Tsk.

    Misplaced? Or had stolen by some black buck?

  177. 177
    Dan says:

    While this guy’s liberal friend is clearly imaginary, it is amusing how the idea of Chrisitian forgiveness is held up to be ridiculed.

  178. 178
    Yutsano says:

    @Zandar: I think then all the bikes would be disappearing, not just poor Mikey’s. But just in case I’ll call this platypus friend of mine. They don’t do much you know.

  179. 179
    patrick II says:

    The universe is not precisely tuned to provide me with uninterrupted happiness. Fuck the universe.

  180. 180
    Satanicpanic says:

    @WyldPirate: You sound like Mark Judge’s alleged liberal parents- why don’t you just go down to the ghetto and make some friends? Dude, no. Why would I do that? And why do you assume that people in the ghetto wouldn’t gladly trade places with me if they could? And finally, just because I rightly assume that the chances of getting beat up or having my stuff stolen is higher in the ghetto doesn’t mean I assume that black people will be the perpetrators. Plenty of sketchy white, brown and asian people in the ghetto too.

  181. 181
    shortstop says:

    @Martin: Martin made a funny! And it was.

  182. 182
    scav says:

    @shortstop: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry! I guess I just cower in fear of utter reasonableness ever breaking out. All I can plead is hair trigger panic and I’ll make more coffee.

  183. 183
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @kc: Why in god’s name would a white person steal a bike? They can just go buy one.

  184. 184
    lacp says:

    @gocart mozart: Actually, doesn’t that imaginary condescending faux-Xtian sound more like a conservative than a liberal? It’s really just a variation on the “these people are savages” theme.

  185. 185
    Culture of Truth says:

    not only was his bike stolen, but some black family broke into the biggest house in town.

  186. 186
    shortstop says:

    @scav: Mmmm, yes, please (holds out mug).

  187. 187
    jimmiraybob says:

    True Story – I once left a bike in a vulnerable position in a white part of town and it got stolen. What can we make of that? I’m not sure which guilt to blame it on.

  188. 188
    Woodrowfan says:

    @WyldPirate: No, but I once drove my hybrid car up New York Ave all the way, twice! OK, it was daytime but still. (eyeroll)

  189. 189
    Culture of Truth says:

    If Obama had a son, he would look like the guy who stole Mark Judge’s bike.

  190. 190
    Zandar says:

    Maybe Mark should check to see who around him is in the profitable “stolen bike-hipster fedora-Pinkberry yogurt” triangle trade.

  191. 191
    Aet says:

    There’s an old saying about how “A Liberal is a Conservative who’s never been mugged.”

    What some people think this means is that liberalism is an ideology that lacks personal experience.

    What _smart_ people _know_ it means is that weak-minded people will abandon anything involving an educated perspective in the face of their own experience. They’ll take reactionary tribalist opinions as a form of retribution, then manufacture their justifications after the fact.

    Its not about informed opinion, its about trauma. The key giveaway is the False Equivalence, combined with the us-versus-them.

  192. 192
    AA+ Bonds says:

    I think what people are missing here is that stealing bikes totally rules

  193. 193
    gaz says:

    @Zandar: I stole one from a methhead, and gave it to my ex/gf.*

    Nice diamondback hi-step ramp bike – she took it to burningman and ruined the bearings, but oh well.

    *If I was a better person, I would have turned it into the police, but I’m not a better person. Besides, unless you actually punch a seattle cop in the face, they don’t actually do anything about crime, nor would it have been returned to the owner (whoever they were).

  194. 194
    shortstop says:

    @Culture of Truth: Fantastic.

  195. 195
    Mnemosyne says:

    @WyldPirate:

    I’ll extend the same offer to you to head over to Little Armenia and hang out with Armenian Power. I’m sure you’ll be perfectly safe because, after all, they’re white and clearly the problem is the race of the people involved, not the criminal activity.

  196. 196

    @WyldPirate: @WyldPirate: I bet you don’t have the balls to get on a nice bike and ride down into a shitty crime-infested neighborhood/trailer park in Anchorage (majority white), Indianapolis (majority white), Fremont (majority Asian-American, for balance), almost anywhere.

  197. 197
    taylormattd says:

    @WyldPirate: Exactly. Because whether his bike was locked has a HUGE impact on whether or not this guy is insanely racist.

    Also, don’t forget, it’s likely Obama personally sent robbers via hidden clauses in the NDAA and ACA.

  198. 198
    Culture of Truth says:

    It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town

    You can’t chain a bike to the White House fence.

  199. 199
    taylormattd says:

    @WyldPirate: Hey John, when will you ban this racist piece of shit?

  200. 200
    lacp says:

    Message to Mark Judge: WE ARE ALL STEAL YOUR BIKE, BLACK AND WHITE, TOGETHER. CAUSE YOU ARE ASSHOLE MUCH. FUCK YOU THANKS GOODBYE.

  201. 201
    taylormattd says:

    @Satanicpanic: Let me answer your questions about WyldPirate:

    Because he’s a fucking racist.

  202. 202
    shortstop says:

    Although everything out of WyldPirate’s mouth–from last night’s screed about black-on-black crime in the Martin-Zimmerman thread, to his heated defense of the complex characters of Confederate generals who were also slave traders, to his insistence that all regions of the country are equally racist–is a hoary right-wing talking point justifying racism, it would be precipitous and unfair to assume that WyldPirate is a hardcore racist. We might need more evidence than the 1,000 comments we already have.

    @lacp: Bwa!

  203. 203
    Satanicpanic says:

    @taylormattd: Oops, I thought he was only an anti-semite

  204. 204
    max says:

    @WyldPirate: I’ll bet none of you motherfuckers have the balls to get on a nice bike and ride down into a shitty crime-infested neighborhood in Detroit, DC or Philly with your IPhones on your hip and your IPad in your backpack and sit on a curb drinking 40s and hitting a blunt with the residents hanging out on the block.

    Heh. Generally, one doesn’t sit around on the curb in black neighborhoods drinking 40s and hitting blunts because the cops tend to come by and arrest you. Kinda like white neighborhoods. And I know this because I spent plenty of time in poor black neighborhoods, and even lived in one! {shock} {horror}

    Do YOU have the guts to sit around on the curb drinking 40’s and smoking blunts?

    But of course it’s our fault because we had to have collectively stolen his bike, right?

    Are we actually having some conservative dude troll the internet with a meme from 2003 and Something Awful: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/nigga-stole-my-bike? Totally offensive link, BTW.

    max
    [‘All your lulz belong to us.’]

  205. 205
    AA+ Bonds says:

    Anyone who steals Mark Judge’s bike is okay w/ me

  206. 206
    cmorenc says:

    @Satanicpanic:

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but my liberal parents never encouraged me to leave my bike unlocked in any part of town. That’s just stupid.

    Mark Judge mentioned in his article that the bike WAS locked at the time it was stolen. He’s not the only one leaping to factually unsupported conclusions here. It’s true that the thief who victimized him was statistically more likely to be black than white due to the demographics of the area, but that’s hardly grounds to conclusively presume the thief was black and go on a racial rant. Others have mentioned the true key factor here: he left the bike unattended in a high-crime area where larceny is common, and the true valid conclusion here is to resent the prevailing social culture in high-crime areas, and not make broad stereotypes about how this is somehow unique to high-crime predominately black areas. As others have said, bike theft is rampant on many overwhelmingly white campuses with only a handful of blacks.

  207. 207
    taylormattd says:

    Does anyone else here think WyldPirate is actually Larry Johnson?

  208. 208
    gaz says:

    Anybody that has lived in a major city for any length of time knows a couple of things about personal transportation:

    1. Having a car is beyond stupid. No place to park – stolen all the time, etc.

    2. Keep your bike in your apartment – in fact they have these newfangled gadgets – wall mounts you can use to hang it out of the way.

    So Judge is an idiot – but we already know that.

  209. 209
    AA+ Bonds says:

    @cmorenc:

    and the true valid conclusion here is to resent the prevailing social culture in high-crime areas

    Sure, if you have been abused into accepting your own oppression by capitalism

  210. 210
    Culture of Truth says:

    @cmorenc: He certainly implied it when he wrote that his parents educated him to leave “valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position”

  211. 211
    Chris says:

    @Aet:

    There’s an old saying about how “A Liberal is a Conservative who’s never been mugged.”

    A Liberal who becomes a Conservative because he was mugged was never a Liberal in the first place.

  212. 212
    scav says:

    @Culture of Truth: Now we should be well into the yomamma joke territory.

  213. 213
    Satanicpanic says:

    @cmorenc: I got that, but he said: I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all the same… It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town because you didn’t want to admit that the crime is worse in poor black neighborhoods.
    I’m not saying he actually did this. I’m saying that my parents never told me to do this, and I doubt any other liberal parents do either. He’s creating a strawman.

  214. 214
    WyldPirate says:

    @Satanicpanic:

    I didn’t put a race to the people in my hypothetical ride into a bad neighborhood, you did.

    That said, I agree with you that there are thieving, viscious scumbags in every socioeconomic group.

  215. 215
    AA+ Bonds says:

    Dead Prez – Hell Yeah

  216. 216
    lacp says:

    @Culture of Truth: Maybe “in a vulnerable position” is supposed to mean “in any place with scary kneegrows around.”

  217. 217

    As people feel squeezed by the economy and technology, they want to blame someone.

    Some people choose to blame the people in power.

    Some people choose to blame the groups with little to no power.

  218. 218
    Dave says:

    I’m fifth and sixth generation Irish. I have heard stories about how my ancestors were treated. And I can tell you definitively that they were never treated as badly as blacks were. Why? Because they weren’t black.

    I despise people that say Irish or Italians had it just as bad. As if not getting a job is the same as being a slave or being lynched.

  219. 219
    Veritas says:

    Guess what “progressives”? He’s BAAAAAAAACK!

    That’s right, word on the street is that CrossRoads America and CrossRoasd GPS is about to go up and on, baby, with a barrage of anti-Obama ads. They’ve already raised over 200 MILLION DOLLARS and have money to burn!

  220. 220
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @WyldPirate: Can you go away please? Some of us are trying to have fun here.

    ETA: Take Mnemyshfeoifhsefrgbose with you.

  221. 221
    MomSense says:

    I think a dingo ate his bike.

  222. 222
    shortstop says:

    @WyldPirate:

    I didn’t put a race to the people in my hypothetical ride into a bad neighborhood, you did.

    I would love to say I expected a higher-quality duck and weave from you, but I didn’t.

  223. 223
    Satanicpanic says:

    @WyldPirate: There is this thing called context

  224. 224
    gaz says:

    @Veritas: I stole your bike.

    My prophecy stands. Romney will win the nom and lose the general.

    Reactionary idiots seem to have a problem with the law of unintended consequences. See Citizens United. For all of that money, they sure as hell didn’t do each other any favors in the primary.

    Keep fuckin’ that chicken, Satire V.

    Your guy is going down. And I’ll never let you hear the end of it, come november.

  225. 225
    Veritas says:

    So how can Obambi even begin to compete with the opening TWO HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR ad buy from Karl Rove?

    Remember, that’s just the start of the big, fat suitcases full of corporate cash we have to burn…

  226. 226

    @Zandar:

    I blame Dr. Hans Doofenschmirtz and his Bike Stealinator.

    I think you just claim to be black. I think you’re really a platypus. :)

  227. 227
    AA+ Bonds says:

    People stealing shit is okay when they have been denied their needs by society

    Hell, it’s okay when they’ve been denied their equitable proportion of goods according to their needs

    Plus, our Lord said you should shut the fuck up and think on your own sins, such as the violent robbery you perform daily by participating in capitalism

  228. 228
    Veritas says:

    @gaz:

    I drive a big-ass SUV, dipshit.

  229. 229
    lacp says:

    @Veritas: What’s with the boldface? Is this supposed to be a Dr. Evil impression or some shit?

  230. 230
    Randy P says:

    @WyldPirate:
    I bike fairly regularly through West Philly between 69th street train station and downtown. I’m not into 40s or weed or drinking with random strangers, but if I want to stop at a grocery store I will. Why wouldn’t I? And when I biked to Obama’s 2008 rally on 52nd street I met lots of nice people. No 40s or blunts necessary.

    What was your point exactly?

    @everybody else: To those who say nobody talks like that, as I said upthread it’s almost a verbatim quote from “Annie Hall”. So “real people” do say stuff like that, see?

  231. 231
    4tehlulz says:

    Oh look, Mark Judge is here.

  232. 232
    AA+ Bonds says:

    What the fuck you think people on our bullshit social safety net do, read the fucking Times story, they hustle and shoplift and sell stolen/counterfeit gear

    Liberals can’t really face down Judge because the correct response to him is, tough shit, buy a new bike with all the shit you have that should have been taken from you and used to buy bikes for the people

    Learn from Occupy, don’t be a liberal fuck-me-over loser, Support The Theft of Mark Judge’s Bike

  233. 233
    Dave says:

    @Veritas:

    CrossRoads would be better off buying a sports team with that money. Because Romney is going to lose and lose hard.

  234. 234
    Legalize says:

    I love it when wingers tell us what their “liberal,” and/or “black” friends tell them about whatever the fuck. I always picture Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant sitting around chatting with Claude Rains in some weird language that sounds like English, but just … isn’t.

  235. 235
    WyldPirate says:

    @Mnemosyne:
    I put no race on the people in the hypothetical shitty neighborhood, unlike you.

    Is draping that big-ass bike chain of your’s over your neck affecting blood flow to your brain?

  236. 236
    Veritas says:

    @Dave:

    Just imagine all the negative, hard-hitting ads that money will buy, and how it will be broadcast in Ohio and Florida and Pennsylvania and Wisconsin over and over and over and over again…

  237. 237
    Suffern ACE says:

    I usually asume when something is stolen that it was done by a Brit. I studied abroad for a year at Lancaster University and the students there stole my stuff all the time if it wasn’t locked down. Didn’t matter what class they came from. The British just have sticky fingers; it’s been bred into them in their public school system. And anyone who has been to the British Museum can attest to the sickness the Brits carry with them everywhere they go around the world. Long history they have of just stealing shit.

    There. I said it. I feel relieved.

  238. 238
    Jennifer says:

    @Veritas: You could spend a billion dollars on ads telling people struggling to get by about how they need to give up Social Security and Medicare because rich people need more tax cuts, and it still won’t win the election for you. Because while people are stupid, they aren’t THAT stupid. At least, people other than you.

  239. 239
    Dave says:

    @Veritas: Yeah, because there will be no ads pointing out how screwed up the GOP and Romney are. Ads that will have the added benefit of being true.

    And all the money in the world won’t fix the GOP’s problem with women voters. And that is why they’ll lose.

  240. 240
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @AA+ Bonds: Congress just needs to pass a BIKES act that allows black people five full years of bike stealing.

  241. 241
    Veritas says:

    @Dave:

    Dollar for dollar, Obambi and friends can’t match the endless ocean of unlimited corporate cash we have flowing our way…

  242. 242
    Martin says:

    @WyldPirate:

    I put no race on the people in the hypothetical shitty neighborhood, unlike you.

    Drinking 40s and smoking blunts? Given the specific stereotypes you pulled off the shelf, you might as well have said they were also blah.

  243. 243
    shortstop says:

    @WyldPirate:

    I put no race on the people in the hypothetical shitty neighborhood, unlike you.

    Of course you didn’t. Your use of the totally stereotypical 40s was just a bizarre coincidence.

    You’re not smart enough for this, old guy.

  244. 244
    Interrobang says:

    I went to Canada’s answer to Yale for my undergraduate degree. Lots of kids with rich parents, trust fund babies, legacy admissions, children of Hong Kong billionaires (this was before Hong Kong reverted to China), and a handful of relatively poor townies.

    The campus is big. I mean, big enough to require a special charter bus service running at the end of classes to make sure kids with classes in some of the outlying buildings can get to or from the central campus on time to make their next class. Do I believe for a second that the epidemic of bike thievery on campus there was caused by “outside agitators” coming on campus to loot the rich kids?

    Shit no. I think it was caused by rich kids with massive entitlement complexes spotting someone else’s bike that was nicer than theirs (or deciding, “Hey, I don’t have a bike, that one looks nice, and also easy to steal”), and walking off with it. Those people have, I’m sure, grown up and graduated to much more refined methods of satisfying their entitlement and greed, most likely on Bay Street, Wall Street, and The City.

  245. 245

    An altar boy escaped on it.

  246. 246
    Chyron HR says:

    @Veritas:

    If we spend a billion dollars, people will forget that Romney literally wrote the Obamacare bill!

    You’d better kick in another billion to make everyone forget that Mitt thinks God is a magic space alien.

  247. 247
    Satanicpanic says:

    Since dumb and dumber have already borked the thread, I’d just like to point out the the all time record holder for campaign $$$ raising is still Mr Obambi. And that Romney still has no personality.

  248. 248
    Jennifer says:

    @Dave: Not to mention their problems with Hispanic/Latino voters, where both Rmoney and the Republican party have a 55 point disadvantage.

    Then there are African-American voters. I think they could spend 200 billion on ads and still not get over 10% of the AA vote.

  249. 249
    Culture of Truth says:

    @WyldPirate: yes you brought skin color into it referencing “lily-white” people

  250. 250
    TR says:

    @WyldPirate:

    1) I lived in Bed-Stuy for five years. I biked the streets there all the time. I must’ve been protected from the roving gangs of blackity black thuggity thugs because of my awesome White Guilt, right?

    2) Thanks for proving the point that you’re a horrible racist. And by “horrible” I mean that you’re an awful person with racist views, but also that you’re not very good at handling them. Unless your intention here was to make the entire internet think that all conservatives are Klansmen, in which case, hey, well done.

    3) Go fuck yourself.

  251. 251
    gaz says:

    @Veritas:

    I drive a big-ass SUV, dipshit.

    That’s because you are a flabby old white coot with a small dick, and you think the SUV will impress teh wimminz the way your lackluster wit, your fumbling and grotesque attempts at romance, and inadequate manparts simply can’t.

    Hint: it doesn’t work that way.

  252. 252
    shortstop says:

    @Jennifer: I think 10 may be about 8 points too high at this point.

  253. 253
    WyldPirate says:

    @Randy P:

    What is my point?? My point is that statistically, you will be more likely to get robbed, assaulted or worse in a bad neighborhood with a high crime rate than other places. Decades of crime statistics back that point up as well.

    I did not imply, as you suggest, that there are not good people in living in shitty circumstances.

  254. 254
    AA+ Bonds says:

    Mark Judge probably could not even bunny hop his bike and thus manifest destiny requires its forfeiture to someone who can stunt

  255. 255
    Svensker says:

    The story depressed me but your comments have reaffirmed my faith that not all humans are complete racist morons. Laughing to keep from crying is better than not laughing at all.

  256. 256
    Veritas says:

    @Jennifer:

    Someone forgot about the new election integrity laws ;)

  257. 257
    TR says:

    @Veritas:

    I drive a big-ass SUV like an insecure, pencil-dicked dipshit.

    FTFY.

  258. 258
    WyldPirate says:

    @Martin:

    You must not get around much Martin. White kids drink 40s and smoke blunts as well.

  259. 259
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Interrobang: Yep. Another proof to my Anglo-Scottish disease hypothesis. I think it comes from knowing that Shakespere is a one-off, Chaucer is unreadable junk, and the rest of the cultural output pales in comparison to the achievements of the Austro-Hungarians.

  260. 260
    shortstop says:

    @WyldPirate: “Come back here and take what’s coming to ya! I’ll bite your legs off!”

  261. 261
    Chyron HR says:

    @WyldPirate:

    They also steal bikes, and yet you share Mr. Judge’s belief that all stolen bikes must be the work of blacks. Go figure.

  262. 262
    Randy P says:

    @WyldPirate:
    I don’t remember implying anythinng of the sort. I believe your specific point was “none of you liberals would ever bike through a rough neighborhood in Philly or talk to anyone there. And my response was “I bike through a rough neighborhood in Philly and talk to people there”.

    But if you didn’t mean to imply that simply living there makes you scary, then why was your description of an obviously-scary person the single adjective “local”? Keep digging.

    Btw, only people I ever heard talking about 40s in the last 10 years was a young white suburban NJ couple, maybe 24-25.

  263. 263
    Yutsano says:

    @WyldPirate: “Both sides do it!!”

  264. 264
    Jewish Steel says:

    What sort of relationship did Judge have with that bike anyway? Creepy!

  265. 265
    TR says:

    @WyldPirate:

    You must not get around much Martin. White kids drink 40s and smoke blunts as well.

    Are you serious?

    Walk up to someone at your office mental health facility, ask them to picture some kids who are sitting on a street corner, drinking 40s and smoking blunts. Be sure to tell them, as you told us, that these kids are doing this in downtown “Detroit, DC or Philly.”

    Ask them what race the kids are in their mental image. If they answer “white,” then congratulations, you’re talking to Mark Judge’s imaginary liberal friend.

  266. 266
    WereBear says:

    What a whiny little putz. He was too lazy to take the bike off the car and now it’s stolen. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

    To leap from that to a racist rant means he’ll take any excuse.

  267. 267
    shortstop says:

    @Randy P: Well, he’s an old racist, and most of his stereotypes are sadly out of date.

  268. 268
    PeorgieTirebiter says:

    The Irish had nothing to do with the treatment of Blacks in this country and in fact in many ways were treated even worse.

    Too bad this 2nd generation Irishman ignored all the educational opportunities we offer new arrivals. Especially those who arrive speaking english.
    It’s micks like this that give belligerent, drunk, layabout Irish like me a bad name. I’d suggest Dennis Lehane’s The Given Day as a good place to start.

  269. 269
    WyldPirate says:

    @Culture of Truth:
    Yeah, because I’m laughing at you pearl-clutching fuckwits–most of whom are likely lily-white–having a conniption fit over an irrelevant blog post.

  270. 270
    Jewish Steel says:

    @shortstop:

    You’re not smart enough for this, old guy.

    nuff ced.

  271. 271
    Water balloon says:

    At no point in American history were Irish people treated worse than Black people.

    His supposed liberal friends talk like conservative caricatures of liberals. I think he’s lying.

  272. 272
    Jennifer says:

    @Veritas: Hur-hur-hur…I suppose it hasn’t occured to you, since you’re a dipshit, that all the voter suppression laws you can pass between now and November to keep legitimately qualified voters from voting aren’t going to be enough. Obama didn’t win by just a few thousand votes in 2008 – he won by about 10 million. There aren’t enough James O’Keefes pretending to be dead guys to explain that.

  273. 273
    gaz says:

    @shortstop: Should I be surprised to discover that WyldPirate owns a betamax, a bunch of lawn ornaments in blackface, and everything pat boone ever produced?

  274. 274
    pragmatism says:

    ALL YOUR BIKES ARE BELONG TO BLAH PEOPLE

  275. 275
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Veritas:

    endless ocean of unlimited corporate cash we have flowing our way…

    If you are part of this “we” floating on that ocean of cash, what are you doing spending your days posting on some two-bit blog?

  276. 276
    Catsy says:

    @muddy:

    I wouldn’t leave my bike unlocked anywhere, even in a “nice” neighborhood. I don’t leave my car unlocked in my nice wee village, either. Shitty kids/teens exist in every environment.

    This. I live in East White Yuppieville not far from the Microsoft campus, in a very nice middle-class neighborhood. I’ve had my car broken into while it was parked in my carport. I don’t trust some of the little shits in this neighborhood any further than I can throw them, and some not even that far.

    Also, I’m concurring in calling bullshit on the weenie-liberal “friend” anecdote. I am pretty far to the left myself and I’ve known some of the mushiest airy-fairy new-age crystal-humping tree-hugging libtards you can imagine. And I cannot imagine a one of them reacting with that kind of claptrap. It’s a straw liberal straight out of conservative fantasies.

    I’m betting that if that conversation actually took place, his “liberal friend” was yanking his chain and he completely failed to pick up on it.

    Oh, and he’s a racist fuck and doesn’t get a pass on that just because he’s pissed off about someone jacking his bike.

  277. 277
    gaz says:

    @WyldPirate:

    Yeah, because I’m laughing at you pearl-clutching fuckwits

    You should stop using the phrase “pearl-clutching”. Clearly, it does not mean what you think it means.

    90% of the responses to Judge’s diatribe have been vicious and well deserved mocking.

    Mocking != Pearl Clutching.

    Read more. It helps.

  278. 278
    handy says:

    @shortstop:

    Every time I see WyldPirate I’m reminded of that Captain Sensible song. Well, this part anyway.

  279. 279
    Catsy says:

    @WyldPirate:

    I’ll bet none of you motherfuckers have the balls to get on a nice bike and ride down into a shitty crime-infested neighborhood in Detroit, DC or Philly with your IPhones on your hip and your IPad in your backpack and sit on a curb drinking 40s and hitting a blunt with the residents hanging out on the block.

    That depends: will they offer me some KFC and grape soda too? Because then I’d have guest-right and my safety would be assured.

  280. 280
    Lihtox says:

    @AA+ Bonds: But that’s the problem: if shame is all that’s keeping you from being a jackass, then of course resentment is going to bubble under the surface and come bursting out when there’s the opportunity. Shame is useful in the last resort, but good people should not be motivated by it. If you take the time to realize the sort of crap black people have to put up with simply because they’re black, and if you have an ounce of empathy in you, then you’re not going to say things that Judge said.

    If the only reason you don’t murder someone is because you’re afraid you might get caught, you’re…not really the sort of person I want to be around.

  281. 281
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @WyldPirate: Just fucking amazing. One really must put in some effort to miss a point this badly.

  282. 282
    Ash Can says:

    I saw that this thread was already at a whopping 260 comments, and sure enough — another troll/spoof infestation.

    Obama promised me a pie, but all I got was this lousy job.

    This pie filter just gets better and better.

  283. 283
    ericblair says:

    Well, I’m sure our hearts are with poor brave Mr. Judge in this obviously very difficult time. He’s tried to keep a stiff upper lip, the poor lad, but we just can’t possibly imagine what he’s been through and how he’ll ever recover from it (beside filing an insurance claim unless his bike is cheap enough to be under the deductible).

    Unfortunately, our backwards gummint won’t allow him to Stand His Ground around whatever patch of concrete he parked his bike, so he won’t be able to start the healing process by committing deadly acts of racial violence. When the community has come together to organize a candlelight vigil to Take Back the Minor Property Claim we’ll let everyone know.

    Oh yeah, and whoever liberated my bike in the pretty heavily white area of Toronto I lived in a zillion years ago, I still want that one back. Asshole.

  284. 284
    DFH no.6 says:

    Way late to this thread (as usual) but this reminds me of a little “meet the locals” conversation I had when visiting France 10 years ago.

    National elections were coming up, and Le Pen’s right wing (and strongly xenophobic) outfit National Front was doing relatively well in the polls (though still very much a minority).

    My family and I were strolling through the old medieval wall area in the town of Beaune and stopped to talk with a couple of older French women.

    We talked about this and that, nice pleasant conversation on a beautiful afternoon, and the subject of the French elections came up.

    One of those sweet ladies told us that she had planned on voting Socialist, but someone (she believed most likely a North African immigrant) had stolen her bike, so she was voting Le Pen instead.

    That’s been a family-favorite anecdote ever since. Like many a Simpsons reference, it’s come in handy as apropos social commentary on numerous occasions.

  285. 285
    WyldPirate says:

    @Chyron HR:

    You have a reading comprehension problem or you’re simply pulling shit out of your ass. At no point did I say that I shared Judge,’s belief of who stole his bike. But I will now. If Judge had his vehicle parked in a predominanly black neighborhood with the bike locked on a rack as he states, the odds are pretty good that it was stolen by black folks. That doesn’t preclude the possibility that it wasn’t of course.

  286. 286
    Chyron HR says:

    @WyldPirate:

    Ugh, god, yes, shit shit shiiiiit!

    You… you really can’t help yourself, can you? Damn.

  287. 287
    muddy says:

    @kindness:

    Did you tell them to get off your lawn too?

    Sadly, I have no lawn in the front. There’s a woodland garden with a fence around it. Stupid kids throw their candy wrappers in there. I told them if they think they are bad-ass for doing that, they ought to take it up a notch and let their mommy find out they were eating candy before dinner. I did not, however, tell them that they were too fat to be eating candy at all, which I thought was polite of me.

  288. 288
    John T says:

    I live in Portland, Oregon which is one of the whitest cities in the country. Bikes get stolen here ALL THE TIME. Our small black community here must be really really busy if they’re the ones doing all the thieving. But wait, I thought blacks were lazy?

  289. 289
    Randy P says:

    @WyldPirate:
    Actually what he states is that his bike was parked at Georgetown University, which is in the middle of one of DC’s richest white neighborhoods. And trust me that GU is not majority black either.

  290. 290
    gaz says:

    @John T: I met the black people in portland once. Both of them are notorious bike thieves.

    /snark

  291. 291

    Opportune time for Barack Obama to be his new bicycle.

  292. 292
    Maus says:

    Worry about social sanctions until you can come up with a big enough excuse is not “guilt”.

  293. 293
    Cheryl from Maryland says:

    I know that area — the houses go for close to a million, and apartment rent is $3,000.00. Bad neighborhood my ass.

    The whiner should have considered the white catholic high school boys down the street; those guys are real trouble. They sit smoking by the side of the street cursing people after school. I hate walking by those teens.

  294. 294
    gaz says:

    @WyldPirate:

    That doesn’t preclude the possibility that it wasn’t of course

    Which totally excuses Mark Judge’s racial diatribe, you didn’t say. But you didn’t have to. Your posts reek of racist apologist.

  295. 295
    Brachiator says:

    The Irish had nothing to do with the treatment of Blacks in this country and in fact in many ways were treated even worse.

    Let’s see now. Hmm. Four words.

    Civil War Draft Riots

    Many of the rioters were Irish laborers who did not want to compete with emancipated slaves for jobs…. Blacks became scapegoats and the primary target of the rioters’ anger. Many immigrants and the poor viewed freed slaves as competition for scarce jobs. Blacks were also seen as the cause of the Civil War and any who fell into the clutches of the mobs were beaten, tortured and/or killed, including one man who was attacked by a crowd of 400 with clubs and paving stones, then hanged from a tree and set alight. The Colored Orphan Asylum on Fifth Avenue, which provided shelter for hundreds of children, was attacked by a mob. The police were able to secure the orphanage for enough time to allow the orphans to escape.

    The riots were dramatized in the Scorsese film, Gangs of New York.

  296. 296
    Sad_Dem says:

    As a white man who took up bike riding to deal with a major illness and has had his locked bike stolen and does not know who stole it, I can say that Mark Judge is a racist ass.

  297. 297
    ruemara says:

    I had a trike in Alameda, CA. I’ve biked on it into downtown Oakland. Quite the urban area. Ridden around China town and had a great Kryptonite snake lock. Loved it, used it regularly for grocery shopping. Even rigged a catch for my cane when I was recouping from dvt. Then I moved to Davis, couldn’t ride as much because bike city had such curved roads that I found it hard to use a trike. Kept my beloved trike oiled and well locked right in front of my apartment. Checked it everyday. One day, the apartment maintenance guy asked if I would sell, I said no. 3 days later, I saw my bike pulling away on the back of a truck driven by a white guy. I was the only black person around for at least 5 blocks. Did I steal my own bike and forget?

  298. 298
    Mnemosyne says:

    @WyldPirate:

    I put no race on the people in the hypothetical shitty neighborhood, unlike you.

    Yes, I’m sure that when you pictured that neighborhood in Detroit where people were sitting out on the stoop drinking 40s and smoking blunts, you pictured every one of those people as white. Because you don’t see color.

  299. 299
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    ETA: Take Mnemyshfeoifhsefrgbose with you.

    When did love die?

  300. 300
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @lacp:

    He’s refining his Darth Sidious impersonation.

  301. 301
    Andree-Anne Desmedt says:

    There are such things as bike locks. Some bikers even take off one wheel with them when they park their bike somewhere. To go on a tirade such as this one after the bike was stolen is really, really, a case of overreaction.

  302. 302
    taylormattd says:

    @gaz: Not so much an “apologist” as a flat out racist.

  303. 303
    Andree-Anne Desmedt says:

    There are such things as bike locks. Some bikers even take off one wheel with them when they park their bike somewhere. To go on a tirade such as this one after the bike was stolen is really, really, a case of overreaction.

  304. 304
    WyldPirate says:

    @Chyron HR:

    What, you have a problem with statistics?? Figures.

  305. 305
    MildGyrate says:

    None of you can prove anything because I didn’t actually say the N word. Ha!

  306. 306
    Ordovician Bighorn Dolomite (formerly rarely seen poster Fe E) says:

    @Chris:

    As a liberal who has been mugged (held at shotgun-point) I would have to agree with your statement. And I’ll even throw in that I am white and my muggers were not.

  307. 307
    Billy Rae Valentine says:

    i can’t believe God has given me an opening to use one of the best memes in the history of memes. i can’t believe how perfect this is gonna be. please god let this work:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd63P7mYXzo

  308. 308

    @WyldPirate:
    Statistically, pirates are more likey to be assholes.

  309. 309
    Maus says:

    @WyldPirate:

    What, you have a problem with statistics?? Figures.

    Ah, I see you’re just a “civil rights” fighter for “white culture”.

    Fuck the fuck off.

  310. 310
    MildGyrate says:

    @gocart mozart: Older gamers with bald spots and ponytails who identify as pirates: quadruply likely.

  311. 311
    b-psycho says:

    It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town because you didn’t want to admit that the crime is worse in poor black neighborhoods.

    It’s the poverty, stupid.

  312. 312
    Paul in KY says:

    Anyone, from Beverly Hills to Flatbush, who leaves their bike UNLOCKED, can never grouse about the bike being stolen.

    99.99999% of people know this.

  313. 313
    WyldPirate says:

    @Randy P: You need to go back and read the article then as Judge says he took a ride one day to a hill near Georgetown one day that was clearly well before the theft. When his bike was stolen, he said he was at the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception near the Catholic University of America. It looks to be a good distance from Georgetown.

  314. 314
    Nazgul35 says:

    Rewrite his entire column using Wall Street and white entitlement and we have a fix.

  315. 315
    Randy P says:

    @WyldPirate:
    You’re absolutely right. Statistically, internet research shows that Georgetown University is a very high risk area for bike theft. He should have known better than to trust his bike around those rich white kids when statistics clearly show what a risk that was.

  316. 316
    WyldPirate says:

    @Paul in KY:

    Read the article. He said he had the bike locked on a bike rack.

  317. 317
    MildGyrate says:

    I’ll talk about absolutely any peripheral thing other than Judge’s racist diatribe.

  318. 318
    quannlace says:

    What’s with all the weird freakouts about black people lately? It

    They’re all turning into Mrs. Pingleton from the movie, “Hairspray.”

    And don’t you know, White Liberal Guilt is the only reason why Obama got elected? I mean, all the right-wing radio heads say so. Couldn’t possibly be because he was the viable candidate compared to McCain and Caribou Barbie.
    ************

    And no Irish-on-Black violence? Guess this guy’s never heard of the Draft riots.

  319. 319
    WyldPirate says:

    @Randy P:
    Another dumb motherfucker with piss-poor reading comprehension.

    Let me help you read little randy…

    I was at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C., for the Stations of the Cross — the pre-Easter Catholic ritual of recounting the events that happened to Jesus on his way to crucifixion.

    Judge then goes into a paragraph or so where he talks about how the bike was a symbol for his recovery from cancer. In one of those paragraphs, he talks of taking a ride to a hill in Georgetown one night which was clearly some time prior to the theft.

    Then he comes back to the present, the day of the theft and says:

    But when I came back to my car after the stations, my bike, which had been locked to a bike rack on my car, was gone. I called the cops and filed a report.

    Now run along and get something more suitable for your reading level with lots of pictures, little Randy. Fuckwit.

  320. 320
    honus says:

    My son goes to Hampden-Sydney College, an all-male private school in rural Virginia founded in 1775. There is an honor code. The vast majority of the students are (of course, and by definition) privileged white males. The largest nearby town is called Farmville. There is no appreciable black population in the area. In the past year, both his bike and his car keys have been stolen. Of course, this has only happened since Hampden-Sydney hired a black President.

  321. 321
    Svensker says:

    @PeorgieTirebiter:

    The Irish had nothing to do with the treatment of Blacks in this country and in fact in many ways were treated even worse.

    Actually, he’s wrong on that, too. My Irish ancestors owned slaves in upstate New York in the early 1800s until it was outlawed.

  322. 322
    gnomedad says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    Also2: Judge says, “My favorite movie growing up was “’In the Heat of the Night.’” Interesting variation on “some of my best friends are black.”

    Some of my favorite movies have black people in them!

  323. 323
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @honus:

    The largest nearby town is called Farmville. There is no appreciable black population in the area.

    lolwut?

  324. 324
    Maus says:

    @WyldPirate: Please tell us your thoughts on the Bell Curve, we’re just dying to know.

  325. 325
    Rafer Janders says:

    @Svensker:

    My Irish ancestors owned slaves in upstate New York in the early 1800s until it was outlawed.

    Hmmm. I’m willing to bet your ancestors were actually Protestant Scots-Irish, not Irish Catholic. It would have been highly unusual for affluent Irish Catholics to have lived in upstate New York in the early 1800s. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it would have been extremely out of the ordinary.

  326. 326
    cckids says:

    @Schlemizel:

    I have never, ever, ever heard anyone say anything even remotely close to “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.” to excuse a theft.

    No shit. I have, however, heard something very much like this from more than one conservative, in response to the asshat who killed all those kids in Afghanistan. “I feel so sorry for him, what he must have been going through”. Seriously. If he was so tormented, maybe he should have gotten help, or shot himself, not a bunch of children. Their misplaced sense of good/evil is stunning.

  327. 327
    patroclus says:

    It was me. That night, I had decided to get some Skittles and steal some racist white dude’s bike. And, unfortunately for Mr. Judge, I was all out of Skittles when I saw his bike.

  328. 328
    gaz says:

    If WyldPirate put half the energy into bagging my groceries that he does in to excusing racism I’d end up with a full dozen unbroken eggs one of these days…

  329. 329
    taylormattd says:

    @WyldPirate: Shorter WyldPirate:

    ni**er! ni**er! ni**er!!!

  330. 330
    taylormattd says:

    @Maus: I have a feeling he thinks the Bell Curve was written by pansy liberals pussies who were too scared to openly call black people genetically inferior criminals.

  331. 331
    LanceThruster says:

    With “reasoning” such as this, next we’ll hear he went gunnin’ (collectively) for the culprit(s) based on posse comitatus and “Stand Your Ground” statutes.

    As long as the air strikes are not in the ‘good’ part of town, collateral damage is understandable and acceptable.

    [sigh]

  332. 332
    MildGyrate says:

    @taylormattd: You pansy liberal pussies are too scared to face how many blacks kill other blacks every day! Do I have to explain to you dumbasses what that has to do with this bike theft? Hell, yes, I bet I do.

  333. 333
    ABL 2.0 says:

    this thread needs to be killed with fire.

  334. 334
    shortstop says:

    @ABL 2.0: I think it died a natural death.

  335. 335

    @Mnemosyne: I’m disappointed that JSF doesn’t seem to recognize the name Mnemosyne, and thinks it’s just something hard to pronounce.

    And here I always admired it. Although I have been known to wish you would meet Felix Garrison.

    http://www.bookrags.com/studyg.....al001.html

  336. 336
    Mnemosyne says:

    @John M. Burt:

    That is the only individual Sandman comic that I own (as in, I actually sought it out as an individual issue — I have all of the rest in graphic novel form).

    I was using the moniker long before Sandman was a twinkle in Gaiman’s eye, but I confess to being more than a little obsessed with the comics once I discovered them. I even own one of these, because of the awesome.

  337. 337
    The Crafty Trilobite says:

    His goofy liberal friend’s lecture makes a LOT more sense if you assume that he started ranting about thievin’ low-life nig**s BEFORE she told him to stop profiling. Wanna bet that was the real sequence?

Comments are closed.