For the past eighty years, the Augusta National Golf Club has invited the CEO of IBM to the Masters to be fancy and do whatever it is that boys do when they’re alone and being fancy. (I dare not hazard a guess.) This year, however, the Masters may discontinue its eighty-year-long tradition because the CEO of IBM, Ginni Rometty, is a — wait for it — woman.
Yesterday, President Obama being the saucy feminist that he is, said that he thinks women should be admitted into the all-male club. Mittbot (beta) agreed with him — likely because he hadn’t yet been told to toe the “Girls suck!” Republican party line.
Erick son of Erick, however, is having none of this lady business. “Who cares!” he cried as he complained that Obama is trying to make everything political:
“See, the president is trying to make everything political. President wants to have it both ways. He wants to go play at the Masters. Oh, you’re darn right the president wants to go play at the Masters, but he thinks women should be allowed, they should be members. Why must women be members of Augusta National? Why? Because it’s the last bastion of sexism. I thought the Republican Party was the last bastion of sexism and misogyny in America. Oh, wait. They nominated Sarah Palin to be vice presidential nominee.”
Erickson added: “And of course, Mitt Romney, ‘Well, I think women should be allowed too.’ At least, he’s smart enough to know that we don’t want to wade in to the war on women with Augusta. It is striking to me just how political the president wants to make everything. The war on women coming home to the Masters. Who freaking cares?”
“I would love to be a member of Augusta National one day after I get my private jet, but at the same time I don’t really care. And I don’t care that the Masters is a male-dominated event. I don’t care that women aren’t members of the Masters. Frankly, I kind of like the idea that women aren’t members of the Masters. Good lord, I don’t want to hang out at some women’s event.”
You tell ’em, Erick! Gosh! You’re a member of the party that advanced feminism by nominating Dame Sarah Palin the Wolf Huntress of Winkington for vice-president. Plus, you’re married to a woman and some of your best friends are women! See? Totes not sexist!
Who gives a shit that it’s the twenty-first century! Nobody wants to hang out with a bunch of broads at the Masters! Who cares that a black dude wasn’t permitted to be a member of Augusta National until 1990. (Yes — 1990.) Who cares about those silly women and their ladies’ tees.
Hey ladies! Go hang out at the LPGA with your pink visors and your monthly bleedings. We don’t want your kind around here, criticizing our jackets for being such a hideous shade of green, and crying hysterically everytime someone yells “Fore!”
Besides, Erickson probably has Ginni’s best interests at heart. I mean, being the CEO of IBM probably doesn’t give her a lot of time for having babies and darning her husband’s socks. She’s got bigger things to worry about than being excluded from some boys’ club, like making sure dinner is on table when her man gets home.
Women are so annoying with their demand for equal rights, aren’t we? When does it end?! Before you know it, we’re going to be demanding to use the men’s bathroom.
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