It was the entire staff of the Onion shooting themselves in despair:
Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) will deliver an address on foreign policy Thursday afternoon at the headquarters of Jelly Belly Candy Company in Fairfield, Calif.
The choice of venue is an homage to Ronald Reagan, whose fondness for the candies was well known. Reagan, who famously kept a jar of the candies on his desk in the Oval Office, regularly received Jelly Belly shipments during his tenure as California governor and even sent the first jelly beans into space on the 1983 Challenger shuttle.
According to Santorum spokesman Matt Beynon, the 7 p.m. Eastern address will focus on “a Reaganesque foreign policy.”
How can the Onion possibly keep up with these clowns?