The dumbest thing ever written?

I report (via), you decide:

With the Republican presidential nomination still up in the air, the possibility of a brokered convention is looking increasingly likely. Under the party’s rules, the delegates won by Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, and the others in the primaries and caucuses are obligated to vote for their assigned candidate only on the first ballot. If no candidate wins the required number of votes, the delegates can throw their support to anyone. There’s speculation that party insiders, unhappy with the current field, might float the candidacy of someone not now in the race, like New Jersey Governor Chris Christie or Jeb Bush.

While Christie and Bush might be fine candidates, perhaps the Republicans should consider a more inspired and game-changing pick: Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

136 replies
  1. 1
    Steve says:

    That would be positively awesome, since he’d have to resign to run.

    But what conservatives are forgetting is that all of these positions they love Thomas for aren’t his personal policy preferences. They’re merely his sober, neutral reading of the text of the Constitution, which he’s duty-bound to follow even though he surely disagrees with much of it personally.

    (wait for it)

    (wait for it)


  2. 2
    Tom Levenson says:

    Oh, dear F. Spaghetti Monster, please let this happen.

  3. 3
    RepubAnon says:

    As Steve notes above, one hopes that a sitting Supreme Court Justice would need to resign before campaigning. Given that, I’d prefer to see Chief Justice Roberts accept the Republican nomination.

    The sad thing is, Clarence Thomas would neither resign, nor, after losing, recuse himself from any cases involving matters upon which he’d expressed opinions during the campaign

  4. 4
    The Dangerman says:

    Nominating Terry Schiavo is more likely.

    Good grief.

  5. 5
    Tom Levenson says:

    Also too: this is the dumbest thing ever written, but only under the quantum theory of stupid, in which an infinite number of dumbest things ever written exist in the false vacuum of the teahaddist mind, waiting only for the fluctuation that propels them onto that ‘net from which no stupidity is ever erased.

    The supersymmetrical particles involved, by the way, would be the dumbo and the dumbino.

  6. 6
    AnotherBruce says:

    I think I’ve sustained a brain injury just by reading that.

    I’m about to faint.

  7. 7
    Benjamin Franklin says:

    Anita Hill, reluctantly returns to the Pub(l)ic Forum

  8. 8
    Linda says:

    Hey, now that Herman Caine is out, and Newt Gingrich grows dimmer, another sexually harassing guy who attempts to play footsie with subordinates might be just what a Republican doctor ordered.

  9. 9
    Martin says:


  10. 10
    rob! says:

    If Clarence Thomas ran, I guess his Super PAC would get a lot of money from Pepsi. Obama watch out!

  11. 11
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Well, there is this:

    It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can’t get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.

  12. 12
    jharp says:

    Just an FYI from the Indianapolis Star

    Hoosier dollars

    Are Hoosiers warming up to Newt Gingrich and cooling to Mitt Romney?

    The former House speaker raised the most Hoosier dollars ($43,920) among the GOP presidential hopefuls last month, according to Federal Election Commission reports filed last week.

    Romney, meanwhile, raised $21,390 last month in contributions from Hoosiers who gave more than $200. That was less than the $37,658 raised by Texas Rep. Ron Paul and the $28,785 raised by former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum.

    Romney, however, still leads the GOP field in overall Hoosier dollars raised since the race began last year: $292,439.

    But President Barack Obama has done even better, taking in $463,690 from Hoosiers through January.

  13. 13
    WereBear says:

    In the immortal words of Mad Magazine: hoohah! We should be so lucky.

    It’s going to be Mitt; if they have to hand out hundred dollar bills on the floor of the convention hall. He is now the living epitome of “sunk costs.”

  14. 14
    w3ski says:

    As long as he Resigns, he can go to the Moon with Noot.
    PLEASE Run

  15. 15
    hueyplong says:

    [Insert your chosen deity] doesn’t love us that much.

    And it’s safe to say that anyone C Thomas chose as his running mate would also be a dream come true.

  16. 16
    Watusie says:

    Imagine what other things he’s forgotten about might show up on the financial disclosure forms…

  17. 17
    c u n d gulag says:


    That’s all I got…

  18. 18
    gogol's wife says:


    Wasn’t it Coke?

  19. 19
    MattF says:

    @Benjamin Franklin: You betcha.

    Idle columnists may think Thomas is a great man, but politically? Please.

  20. 20
    Amir Khalid says:

    Clarence Thomas? Adam Winkler’s cute little thumbsucker has just one wee problemette: nowhere does it show the good Justice saying, or even thinking it loudly: “I would like to be President.” Thomas may well have been as surprised as you or I to see this story.

  21. 21
    AnotherBruce says:

    Clarence Thomas running against Obama would be another fine demonstration of the crazification factor.

  22. 22
    Loneoak says:

    He already has that RV to use as a campaign bus.

  23. 23
    Mary G says:

    @Martin: The first thing that came into my mind as well. Just like they thought Hilary voters would switch to Palin. We all look alike, you know.

    I’d donate to his campaign just for the sheer joy of watching the returns on election night.

    ETA: And Mrs. Thomas on the lady staff…

  24. 24
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    They’re just trying to lock up the female vote.

  25. 25
    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick says:

    clarence thomas does not suffer fools, and is uncomfortable in his own skin, coincidence? regardless, no way he could go even two months in the spotlight.

  26. 26
    Cacti says:

    I honestly believe Rick Santorum would pull a higher percentage of the black vote than Clarence Thomas.

  27. 27
    different-church-lady says:

    Would he just sit there quietly for the entire campaign?

  28. 28
    scav says:

    ahh, Stress-testing GoD’s omnipotence and omniscience, to say nothing of his benevolence, all in a single blow. I’m with AnotherBruce, my neural cell integrity is failing outward.

  29. 29
  30. 30
    gnomedad says:

    an inexperienced African-American often mistaken for a Muslim


  31. 31

    Didn’t anyone bother to ask the sainted John Danforth (r) about that before they floated that hallucination?

    Oh yeah, whatever, *IOKIYAR.

  32. 32
    lacp says:

    @Tom Levenson: Roy Edroso usually finishes an exegesis of whatever Jonah Goldberg piece catches his eye with “this is the stupidest thing Jonah Goldberg has ever written, until the next thing he writes,” or words to that effect.

  33. 33
    Suffern ACE says:

    Any truth to the rumors that Putin is got growing his hat in the ring? He’s so manly it makes my thigh feel funny just thinking about him coming to Tampa. I’ve heard whispers before, and I dismissed them, but now I’m not so sure.

  34. 34
    pluege says:

    agree – dumbest thing ever written.

    aside from the fact that thomas is completely incompetent – the A-hole can’t even speak in court – his effin’ job for pete’s sake, but the whole republican primary to-date has been almost exclusively about how racists (and misogynist) republicans are.

    Now granted republicans since reagan are all about electing the stupidest candidates possible (a reflection of them), but no way are they getting beyond their racism.

  35. 35
    The Dangerman says:


    I honestly believe Rick Santorum would pull a higher percentage of the black vote than Clarence Thomas.

    David Duke would pull a higher percentage of the African American vote than Thomas.

    Maybe Alan Keyes is available to run against Obama again?

  36. 36
    sloan says:

    I read the first part and it was nothing. Then I got to the Christie/Bush part and thought “dumb, yes, but I’ve heard dumber.”

    Then I got to the last sentence.


    Yes! This! A thousand times, this!

  37. 37
    MattR says:


    The sad thing is, Clarence Thomas would neither resign, nor, after losing, recuse himself from any cases involving matters upon which he’d expressed opinions during the campaign

    What makes you think he would resign if he won?

  38. 38
    eugene says:


    His answer to all debate questions: “I defer to Scalia’s opinion”.

  39. 39
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Suffern ACE:

    Any truth to the rumors that Putin is got growing his hat in the ring?

    This is Autocorrect messing with you, right?

    Unless he gets arrested, and that’s even more unlikely, I don’t see him not running for President again. That was always his plan when he dropped down a step to the PM’s job.

  40. 40
    cmorenc says:

    I think the GOP indeed SHOULD pick Clarence Thomas if their convention winds up brokered to pick the nominee.
    1) He will have to resign his Supreme Court Seat to accept the nomination. This is an unalloyed WIN. If Obama wins, he gets to nominate his replacement and create a 5-4 progressive-friendly majority on SCOTUS, and Anton Kennedy can go pound sand whenever he isn’t feeling it to make it 6-3.
    2) Obama will defeat candidate Thomas in November, thus indeed getting to replace Thomas as one of the first acts of his second term. OK technically, Obama could nominate his replacement as soon as Thomas resigns to accept the nomination, but the chances of getting confirmation prior to the November elections are about nil.

    This is nothing but WIN. If only the GOP will listen…

  41. 41
    gnomedad says:

    @The Dangerman:

    Maybe Alan Keyes is available to run against Obama again?

    Alan Keyes: This Time For Sure!

  42. 42
    JPL says:

    Ginny Thomas would make an interesting VP candidate for Romney. The tea party folk would love it.
    The Daily Beast has an article on Why Women Love Santorum so their credibility might be at issue. I didn’t bother reading that article though.

  43. 43
    patrick II says:

    Reposting (due to appropriateness) from previous thread:

    Adam Winkler at the Daily Beast thinks that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas will be the Republican nominee in a brokered convention. Mr Winkler believes that Judge Thomas has “qualities that recommend him to a broad spectrum of voters”.

    He goes on to name a few, but I think the real three reasons are
    1. See how open minded we are—we can talk about nominating a black guy.
    2. Barrack Obama won because of the enormous advantages of being a black candidate, so in the spirit of Michael Steele and Herman Caine, we are going to get our own black guy to exploit that advantage, and
    3. Winkler had eight inches of column space to fill and no intelligent way to fill it.

    Anyhow, while not my prediction, it is my fondest wish that the Winkler theory works out.

  44. 44
    trollhattan says:

    Adam Winkler is a constitutional-law professor at UCLA.

    I’m starting from the bottom and working my way up. Reads better this way.

    First point–“UCLA” is the worst misspelling of “University of Tennessee at Knoxville” I’ve ever seen.
    Second point–whose constitution? Does the Taliban even have one?

    Jumping to the title for the moment, “Is a Long Shot” may be the understatement of the young millennium. One of my kidneys has a better shot at the Republican nom than Clarence the Silent.

    Everything written in between comprises the tallest shit sandwich I’ve seen. His poor, poor students. I thought professors Franzia and Gunkrazy had the Worst Law Perfesser, Evah award in a stranglehold.

  45. 45
    Privatize the Profits! Socialize the Costs! says:

    Love the Thomas idea but personally I think the GOOPers’ best move is to unite the party by bringing back the Smirking Fratboy.

  46. 46
    kdaug says:

    @The Dangerman: David Duke / Clarence Thomas for the WIN!

  47. 47
    jackmac says:

    Clarence Thomas?
    Let’s go full out crazy and have an Obama-Alan Keyes rematch.
    Also, bring plenty of popcorn!!

  48. 48
    JPL says:

    You are all being sexist. Ginny Thomas is the real American candidate.

  49. 49
    PaulW says:

    I think whoever wrote that needs to refund his/her annual salary and go work in a call center from now on.

    The commentators they hire anymore are not geniuses, they are not wordsmiths, they are not plugged in to the real world. They are in this wicked small echo chamber very much like that table of football fans at your local sports bar, except that the echo chamber is talking politics instead of sports and that the echo chamber is full of idiots.

    We pay these morons to write this crap?

  50. 50
    The Moar You Know says:

    I really have not lived a good enough life for this to happen. Sorry, guys.

  51. 51

    Speaking of election strategies:

    Perhaps the best thing we could do for Our Side would be to encourage the Occupy movement when it blossoms again in the spring.

  52. 52
    Benjamin Franklin says:

    @patrick II:

    And you got no credit from the By-Liner?

  53. 53
    Felanius Kootea says:

    First Lady Virginia Lamp Thomas goes on 60 Minutes to renew her request for an apology from Anita Hill (or else!). Ms. Hill takes up an offer of asylum in New Zealand. Rick Santorum is appointed head of Health and Human Services since the pope can’t legally accept the position.

  54. 54
    Kathy in St. Louis says:

    Clarence Thomas? Other than his wife and the crazies of the Tea Party, really, who would vote for the jerk?

  55. 55
    SRW1 says:

    If the Dems were good sports, they’d persuade Obama to relinquish his nomination in favor of Anita Hill. That would give the country an opportunity to finally settle a really important question.

  56. 56
    Alex S. says:

    Oh, the Daily Beast, so contrarian

  57. 57
    Amir Khalid says:

    This is way, way off-topic , but I don’t care:

    3 — 2 on penalty kicks (2 — 2 after extra time)

  58. 58
    Mark B says:

    I don’t look forward to the late night calls to millions of voters from Ginny demanding they apologize for not voting for Clarence.

  59. 59
    wrb says:

    Then again, most people thought an inexperienced African-American often mistaken for a Muslim

    Or an asshole often mistaken for lubricant.

  60. 60
    Hewer of Wood, Drawer of Water says:

    @gnomedad: The Republicans aren’t even as intelligent as Bullwinkle (audio only – couldn’t find a video clip)

  61. 61
    AnotherBruce says:

    My prediction: The Reptublicans get hung up in a brokered convention, nominate Clarence Thomas. Win 27% of the vote, lose 49 states except for South Carolina. The Democrats get 67 senate seats and gain 75 house seat. Grover Norquist commits suicide in a bathtub.

    Oh sorry, I meant to post this in the thread below. I blame my newly acquired brain injury.

  62. 62

    Idiotic substance aside, any use of the term “game change” at this point should be banned by editors.

  63. 63
    Corner Store Operator says:

    More DailyBeast link bait I guess.

    OT: Let’s add another to the crazification factor evidentiary pile: “28% surveyed do not believe the first amendment requires a clear separation of church and state.” [pdf warning]

  64. 64
    rob! says:

    @gogol’s wife

    I believe it was. I was thinking Coke probably didn’t like the association (pubic hairs on their cans? Ick.), so Pepsi would step up, if only to take the chance bash their competition.

    No, it doesn’t make much sense, but it’s no worse than thinking Clarence Thomas could run for President.

  65. 65
    gogol's wife says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    I assumed this poster meant Putin was going to run in the U.S. race as a Republican. Not any crazier than Thomas.

  66. 66
    gogol's wife says:


    Oh, okay, now I see what you mean. The whole thing was stolen from “The Exorcist” anyway! That’s what was even more pitiful about it.

  67. 67
    Mark B says:

    @MattR: Not only would Clarence Thomas NOT resign, he would appoint himself Chief Justice, and would immediately rule that the Constitution does not prohibit him from holding both offices.

  68. 68
    patrick II says:

    @Benjamin Franklin:

    the via link was to my comment. I reposted here for those who did not follow the second link.

  69. 69
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    This is way, way off-topic , but I don’t care:

    This should be a tag.

  70. 70
    bcinaz says:

    Since it turns out President Obama is the luckiest man alive right now; this could happen.

    Hello less Conservative Court. Goodbye Citizens United.

  71. 71
    maya says:

    I can see it now:

    Not to be outdone by Newt Gingrich’s plan to make the moon the 51st state, former Supreme Court Judge and Republican candidate for the presidency, Clarence Thomas, declared today that he will put men on the Sun by 2015. When asked about the likely possibility of immediate incineration, he replied,” They’ll land at night.”

  72. 72
  73. 73
    Hawes says:

    There was a wonderful gonzo quality to that piece. I’ve always been struck by Bobo’s habit of sounding sane and reasonable as he diagnosis some societal ill before making a 180 degree turn into wingnut land for his solution.

    This goes along fairly conventionally and then Patrick Duffy emerges from the shower.

  74. 74
    scav says:

    OK gulp I can be better than this. Focus on the positive elements. Focus. This could very well be an excellent after-school special. Statewide basketball championship, small town team. Big town winning, last quarter. Neglected sub-coach, perhaps after hearing cry from frenemy in the audience, pulls despised gawky beglassed nerd from deep on the bench. last second three-pointer. Balloons drop during convention. Parade, nerd’s first kiss with starbursty homecoming queen, manly shoulder buffet of coach and frenemy during closing credits. Nation saved. whew

  75. 75
    Amir Khalid says:

    @gogol’s wife:
    Putin’s too righty for the Democrats, yeah, but I think he’s just a little too much of an outsider for the Republicans. And he has an image problem: he looks like Dobby the elf from the Harry Potter movies. (Chamber of Secrets came out when Putin was president the first time; there was almost an international incident over the resemblance.) I’m thinking he’ll be the Americans Elect candidate, just perfect for a global-minded guy Tom Friedman.

  76. 76
    Ben Lehman says:

    I would be so, so happy.

  77. 77

    Why don’t they just nominate Captain America and be done with it. Only a deeply mythologized cartoon character is going to be perfect enough for them. No more of this icky carbon based candidate stuff.

    Green Lantern for veep! Wonder Woman as Secretary of State!

  78. 78
    CarolDuhart2 says:

    You know what’s scary about this? It’s plausible. Once you have a party actually nominate Sarah Palin to be a heartbeat away, there is probably no Republican too unqualified and shallow to be on a ticket.

    Lets see. Clarence Thomas. No electoral or campaign experience of any kind. He’d get some money, but there’s no base to support him. Last minute campaign-no preparation. No real vetting because he’s on the Supreme Court. No home state support of any kind.

    Alan Keyes Toast all over again. With Nutella as a spread.

  79. 79
    kdaug says:

    @scav: Then the mushroom clouds.

  80. 80
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    @WereBear (itouch):

    Heroes? Who believe in justice and protecting the innocent? No way. A Lex Luthor/Joker ticket would be more their speed. (Luthor for the moneyed class, Joker for the Tea Party.)

  81. 81
    redshirt says:

    Man, Vlad Putin as Republican Presidential candidate would be fantastic. I can see the Teabaggers gettin’ all frothy at a real Patriot like Vlad – I mean, they’ve seen the pictures of him hunting and swimming and acting all manly. He’s a real American, damn it.


  82. 82
    eemom says:

    now THIS, is a FUN exercise in political fantasy — and a very welcome break from the Christie/Jeb/Daniels canard.

    Lessee, who’s next? Alberto Gonzales?

  83. 83
    RSA says:

    I liked this passage:

    Thomas is outgoing and charming off the bench… About his refusal to ask questions, he’s drawn laughs by joking that his “colleagues should shut up!”

    Certainly more charming than any of the current Republican candidates, but…

  84. 84
    Amir Khalid says:

    @WereBear (itouch):
    And to what post would President Captain America appoint the Incredible Hulk?

  85. 85
    Brian R. says:

    As I said in the other thread, the real mystery is how Thomas would make an acceptance speech. I still think he’d send Scalia to the podium and then issue a brief, written concurrence from his throne.

  86. 86
    Ethan Hoddes says:

    Wow, that’s pretty brutal. He just tries in the last paragraph to power through the fact that Thomas’s resignation would mean that the his defeat would result in a liberal majority on the court that is otherwise impossible unless Scalia or Kennedy has an unexpected decline in health. And that that could conceivably happen even if he wins. Even if you think that Thomas is likely to beat Obama under these conditions, it’s a massive upping of the stakes on what you can’t rationally believe is a better than 60% shot.

  87. 87
    runt says:

    If laughter is the best medicine, I just added years to my life. Thank you, Dr. Winkler!

  88. 88
    Brian R. says:

    @WereBear (itouch):

    Green Lantern for veep! Wonder Woman as Secretary of State!

    No way. “Green” Lantern is clearly in the pocket of the environmentalist thugs, while Wonder Woman doesn’t have a valid long-form birth certificate.

    Hell, Captain America is a lifelong government employee, so he’s probably out too.

  89. 89
    Spaghetti Lee says:


    Scooter Libby/Harriet Myers 2012! John Yoo for secretary of state! Bolton for Defense! Abramoff for treasury!

  90. 90
    RickD says:

    Can you imagine Thomas campaigning? He’d have to speak in public!!
    Much as I’d love anything that might lead to Thomas resigning, there isn’t a chance in hell of this happening.

  91. 91
    wrb says:


    Lessee, who’s next? Alberto Gonzales?

    They can do better.

    Nother would provoke the hippies better than a president John Yoo.

    Gonzo can be veep.

  92. 92
    Patricia Kayden says:

    Have any of you had the privilege of watching Mr. Thomas on the bench? He says absolutely nothing and sits so far back that you can barely see him.

    Yes, a mute would make a wonderful Repug Presidential candidate against President Obama.

  93. 93
  94. 94
    scav says:

    @Patricia Kayden: A mute in a black dress, seated next to the red-beanie brigade in their scarlet ones, and if one of the latter isn’t carrying the flaming handbag during the Anointment, I simply won’t go to the Inauguration.

  95. 95
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Brian R.: Silly fools. There is no way that any major character with aspirations from either the DC Party or the Marvel Party is going to throw their hat in the ring. You’re looking at Swamp Thing and Jughead at best.

    “Liberals will tell you that you need regulation. But I am proof that good things can come from polluted water. Why do they want to hold us back?”

  96. 96
    eemom says:

    @Patricia Kayden:

    Yes, a mute would make a wonderful Repug Presidential candidate against President Obama.

    But don’t you see…..he WOULD. Look at how the rest of these clowns keep sticking their feet in their mouths.

    Thomas could just stand there, looking wise and judicial. That, plus his impeccable far right cred, would drive the wingnuts positively orgasmic with joy.

    Sheesh, haven’t y’all ever seen Being There?

  97. 97
    redshirt says:

    @Amir Khalid: Captain America is a RINO Liberal. No way he’d pass Teabagger muster.

  98. 98
    quannlace says:

    Thomas can’t stay awake through the various court cases.

  99. 99
    scav says:

    @kdaug: What was I thinking? ! Detect obvious, is there any other Happy Ending to their fantasies than a multi-front war? Quick splice to the end-credits after the MMXII appears.

  100. 100
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Suffern ACE:
    I am glad that this discussion of potential presidential candidates has taken a much more plausible direction than it started with.

  101. 101
    Yutsano says:


    Thomas could just stand there, looking wise and judicial

    Please tell me you needed a shower after typing that sentence.

  102. 102
    Redshift says:

    As (iirc) Seth Myers said after Michael Steele was appointed, “You guys do know it’s not just any black guy, right?”

  103. 103
    Redshift says:


    Once you have a party actually nominate Sarah Palin to be a heartbeat away, there is probably no Republican too unqualified and shallow to be on a ticket.

    Well, maybe. There’s a slight difference in that nominating Sarah Palin was one guy’s really stupid decision. It’s possible the convention delegates could collectively be that delusional, but it seems less likely. (Or to be more specific, less likely that they’d all be that delusional in the same direction.)

  104. 104
    Peregrinus says:

    @WereBear (itouch):

    Secretary of Offense, if anything. I say he appoints either Iron Man or Mr. Fantastic to Energy.

  105. 105
    Peregrinus says:

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    Who would go to Justice? Scott Bloch?

  106. 106
    Amir Khalid says:

    And speaking of comic book characters who run for president, here’s what a character with superpowers of hair has been up to in international affairs: Donald Trump is offering to bankroll protests against the Scotland government’s wind farm program.

  107. 107
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @eemom: I like to watch.

  108. 108

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    John Bolton (r) for Secretary of War.

    There, corrected it for you.

  109. 109
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Redshift: @Redshift: It seems to have escaped their notice that we might have voted for him not because he was African American, but instead because he was foreign. That’s why I think they should go with Putin. Quit trying to test the “because he was black” theory. It doesn’t work.

    Putin plays to all of their perceived strengths and definitely has more experience running a country than any of the current field.

  110. 110
    Biscuits says:

    Our current situation on the home front is pretty dreary. What with no job and such it is teh downer. But a brokered convention would give me so much lulz! …stifles maniacal giggle.

  111. 111
    Richard says:

    A mannequin is more qualified to be President than Thomas.

  112. 112
    Richard says:

    President Thomas won’t need a justice department, because there won’t be any justice.

  113. 113
    ShadeTail says:

    It’s not the dumbest thing ever written, actually, because so many people have written it before, just during this particular campaign. Take out Clarence Thomas and put in the name of any other repub ever mentioned before, and you get the same equally stupid statement.

    Because the stupidity here isn’t the name. It’s the fact that anyone is naive enough to think *any* republican could be a “game changer”. They adamantly refuse to acknowledge that the whole party has devolved to a gang of radical far-right lunatics.

    It doesn’t matter whose name they put up for consideration. It will still be a republican.

  114. 114
    Thatgaljill says:

    Didn’t PA Governer Baker try this on the West Wing, leading to a Matt Santos candidacy and presidency?

  115. 115
    Amir Khalid says:

    I was going to bring Superman into the discussion, before I remembered he was born on Krypton.

  116. 116
    Persia says:

    @WereBear (itouch): Cap is waaaaaay too liberal for the Republicans.

    Also, no way Thomas would give up a lifetime appointment so liberals could yell at him every four years. He’d have to go to debates and shit.

  117. 117
    different-church-lady says:


    A mannequin is more qualified to be President than Thomas.

    How would we know the difference?

  118. 118
    Brian R. says:


    Easy. Only one of them would have an erection.

  119. 119
    fasteddie9318 says:

    This is BRILLIANT! The nominee would be near just like the sheriff is, nearer even since his mother and father were both near! What will you blahs do then, HMMMMMM?

  120. 120
    Amir Khalid says:

    I could see Batman as a Libertarian candidate for President. But he’d have to explain away his relationship with Robin.

  121. 121
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Amir Khalid: I suppose the billionaire businessman vigilante angle would make him a logical fit for libertarians. But I wonder if the whole “I work with the police so they don’t have to get warrants” part would go over with the Reason crowd.

  122. 122

    @Amir Khalid: Batman villains actually work better as Republicans.

  123. 123
    Keith says:

    Yeah, that was the most unexpected of names to drop for president. The GOP is so utterly fascinated with shocking fantasy – in this case, a rubber-stamp idealogue who has barely uttered a word on the job in 20 years is going to abruptly quit said job to start campaigning against a master politician *and* orator…and win. I am assuming that the state of Moonbasechusetts will give him enough electoral votes to win at the last minute.

  124. 124
    Rick Massimo says:

    @Amir Khalid: I do hope you’re being facetious, because along with that problemette there are several huge, honking problemonis, among them being the weakness of all these conjectures: The blithe assumption that Mitt Romney who has been running for president nonstop since 2006, and will go into the convention with the most delegates, will simply say “Yeah, cool, give it to someone you had to call and ask to run last night.”

    But also including the assumption that a new candidate woud entrance the Romneyites, the Santorum Lovers, The Gingrich Klan and the Ron Paul Curtain, as well as the subsets of each that would alternately go for Christie OR Daniels OR whoever else. Put it all together and you got about 18 constituencies there.

    Fortunately, we don’t have to consider this seriously. Winkler isn’t even considering this seriously. You know how I can tell? Anyone who puts Thomas’s wife SECOND on a list of reasons the Teabaggers would dig him is being purposely dishonest.

  125. 125
    Schlemizel says:

    If you have not clicked the link it is worth it for 2 reasons. the minor one is that the moran suggesting this is a law professor at UCLA !!?! Scratch that hell hole from my kids search list.

    The major reason is to wade into the comments. Maybe the first real laugh I have had in a week. If the clown didn’t have his asbestos suit on he is now nothing but a tiny cinder

  126. 126
    Abby Spice says:

    My favorite part is where he decides that sexual harassment and smoking pot are basically the same thing. It was just an indiscretion 30 years ago! And probably he’s never done anything like that since! People change! Especially after they admit what they did and–OH WAIT.

    The comments, however, are great. I don’t read comments over there, but these ones are pretty much uniformly trashing the “column”.

    My favorite:

    First off, the thought of a brokered convention and a drafted GOP candidate is the politics dork equivalent of last years’ NBA free agent drama.


  127. 127
    rikyrah says:

    ok, this was my laugh of the day.

    the person who wrote this should be forced to pee in a cup, cause they had to be on drugs when writing this.

  128. 128
    Ben Cisco says:

    Dumbest thing ever written = latest thing written by, or in support of, a GOP candidate/wishful candidate for POTUS, adjusted daily or as needed.

  129. 129
    Yggdrasil says:

    I think Tom Levenson missed a most crucial advancement in theoretical physics, which The Daily Beast announced along with this article. It’s not just the paired superparticles the dumbo and the dumbino. In fact, they’ve discovered the seventh and eighth quarks: the crazy quark (denoted by “!’) and the stupid quark (denoted by “?”). For example the dumbo particle is composed of two stupid quarks and a crazy quark. And in fact, since they’ve discovered that dark matter is composed of stupid quark particles, it is in fact literally true that the most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

  130. 130

    Just FWIW: Adam is a colleague and friend, and is a very committed Democrat. He is suggesting in the piece that Thomas would be a dream candidate to unify the Republican base, and I think he’s right.

    I also think he’s totally crazy to think that it could happen, especially because, as many have pointed out, he’d have to resign in order to run. Republicans know that they got away with one getting him on the Court to begin with; they should know that he would stand no chance in November. But while they would be crazy to nominate him at a brokered convention (which I can’t believe will happen), given that the GOP base is in fact crazy, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility.

  131. 131
    patrick II says:

    @Jonathan Zasloff:
    You are a good friend.

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  133. 133
    Death Panel Truck says:

    Why not Clarence Thomas? After all, as that sage Ann Coulter so wisely said, their blacks are better than our blacks.

  134. 134
    Nancy Irving says:

    Thomas would not consider himself obliged to resign from the Court in order to run.

    Moreover, in the event of a Bush/Gore-type situation, he would not recuse himself from deciding the SCOTUS case, because he NEVER recuses himself, no matter how bad the conflict of interest, and no matter how bad it makes him look.

  135. 135
    Auldblackjack says:

    Obama – Thomas would make for some riviting debates …

  136. 136
    ottercliff says:

    It sure would be interesting having a president who never spoke. Throw in Alito from VP and you would have quite a charismatic ticket.

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