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[…] Balloon Juice. February 24, 2012 | Posted by: Frank | Posted in: Political Theatre | Bookmark this post […]
by John Cole| 80 Comments
This post is in: Election 2012
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[…] Balloon Juice. February 24, 2012 | Posted by: Frank | Posted in: Political Theatre | Bookmark this post […]
Raven
I’ll show this dickhead one square foot of the bumper of my 66 chevy truck.
S. cerevisiae
Mitt tries so hard to emulate a real human.
Joseph Nobles
Trapped in a world he never made.
Dave
I would pay $10,000 to get Mitt to say “I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.”
Roc
Rather than being caught-out and desperately trying to think of things to claim he ‘loved’, I get the impression he was trying to figure out the political implications of claiming to love any particular thing.
And that actually strikes me as worse.
The Dangerman
If I were his campaign manager, I’d embed some electric device in his underwear for each time he went off script and started winging it. And up the voltage as necessary.
No One of Consequence
I love LAMP.
Ok, maybe not love.
But it *is* a very stable (and versatile) web solution.
– NOoC
Tonybrown74
That man NEEDS an enema …
MattF
Fails the Turing Test. Not human.Not even close enough to human to make it to the Uncanny Valley.
Another Halocene Human
Painful to watch? No, more of a shaggy dog, and the punchline is AFSCME. Brilliant.
“…We take out your fucking garbage…”
JGabriel
Shorter Mitt: I just know I can bond with these humans if we can find common ground — and lakes, and cars, and right-heighted trees.
.
Betty Cracker
It is painful. Even though I despise these people, their floundering can occasionally move me to pity. Like when Jan Brewer froze up during the debate and started babbling nonsense after a protracted silence.
cathyx
That was funny. It’s like he’s trying to think of some more “Michigan” things to say that he loves. And looking around for a clue.
hhex65
@Joseph Nobles: heh, R-Money = Howard the Duck Movie
Baud
It reminds me a little of that awful Rick Perry speech in New Hampshire. Not quite that bad, but in the same genre.
fasteddie9318
I’m glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought of Brick when I saw that clip the first time.
grape_crush
“Mitt, are you just naming things you see in the state and saying you love them?”
A great way to highlight Romney’s tendency to adapt himself to whatever audience he happens to be standing in front of.
Oh, and this Charlie Pierce piece on Romney is interesting, ‘specially the numbers at the end.
WaterGirl
@JGabriel: OT, but did you see the image of “dog on car” and “man on dog” yesterday at the Guardian’s life blog? I dug up the original BJ thread where you came up with that, and posted it on the debate thread on BJ, but i didn’t actually contact the guardian.
Thoughtcrime
Romney’s just preparing for his place in the Hall of Presidents:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF0j69pAM7g&feature=related
Citizen Alan
@Betty Cracker:
Sadly, it ceased to be either funny or pitiable when Brewer was reelected.
MarkJ
The trees are the right height? I’m from Michigan and, although I love the State, I never noticed anything particularly special about the height of the trees.
Must take a cyborgs extra-accurate optical lenses to discern that Michigan’s trees are just the right height in comparison to, say, Massachusetts’s.
grape_crush
@fasteddie9318: I thought Milton Waddams, but Brick Tamland is a much better fit.
noodler
It’s the syntax, stupid. Who says “one square foot of car” How about Bumper, fender, hood ornament?
Who says I’ll bet you ten thousand dollars?
Who says I’m a severe conservative?
Where does he come up with these sayings? They’re not in our vernacular
Baud
@Betty Cracker:
Next time, watch the clip while undergoing a state-mandated trans-vaginal ultrasound. It’ll cure that pity thing right up. ;)
Mark S.
I love American cars so much I wanted to see the industry go down the toilet.
srv
I always felt the same about
RomneyRonnie.Martin
We need to send him to a Michigan NAACP conference so he can tell us how he loves that all Michiganders are just the right shade of brown.
gogol's wife
@Betty Cracker:
I pity only those of us who know better but have to share a country with idiots who would even consider voting for people like Brewer and Romney.
BerkeleyMom
OMG this is cringe worthy. The only thing worse would be watching him dance.
MarkJ
Better that American cars rule the world than Mitt Romney.
Southern Beale
Umm … HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I don’t know if this is for real or not but if it is, Romney should be TOAST.
$10 mil for a cabinet post???
Culture of Truth
Romney’s problem is syntax
Santorum’s problem is sin tax
WaterGirl
Mitt kind of reminded me of cocker spaniel of old. If she wanted something, she would sit, lie down, offer her paw, roll over…
She would try each thing in turn, desperately trying to figure out what I wanted so she could do it and get whatever it was.
It felt like Mitt was throwing stuff out there, desperately hoping for some response he hoped to get from his Michigan Love. He was trying so hard, it really was hard to watch. Cringe-worthy. Mitt, you’re trying too hard, and that’s really un-cool.
Culture of Truth
“If you were a tree, what height would you be?”
Suffern ACE
@Southern Beale: I’ll go with hoax. While caribbean island ambassadorships are nice, they aren’t as nice as ambassadorships to major US allies. I wouldn’t pay $1,000,000 to be the Ambassador to Aruba. I would want Paris or London for that kind of dough and they are selling those off for $600,000.
Carribean Island nations are also more plentiful than major US allies. Supply and demand should set the price.
Southern Beale
@Suffern ACE:
Yeah you’re probably right. Here I got all excited. Ah well.
Jesse
@Southern Beale: On what authority could the PAC make such an offer? Wouldn’t that kind of thing—if it were real at all—need to come directly from the Romney campaign? It comes off to me as a “former Nigerian king”-type email. It smells bogus.
scav
PanderPanderPanderDotThePartsOfMichiganPanderPanderPanderRightHeightPanderPander and then the quick “I want to do well.”
We hear you’re running for election too. Can’t have you not liking things under those circumstances, hope nope nope.
Mark S.
Wow, where did you find that? Are they usually this blatant about this shit? I’m having a hard time believing it’s real.
Also, too, wouldn’t being an ambassador to “a major US ally” be a hell of a lot more prestigious than an ambassador to a Caribbean country?
Uncle Cosmo
@Joseph Nobles: T&R’d for the Howard the Duck reference. To paraphrase the first line I ever read of that anything-but-featherbrain (it’s the opening panel of one of the comix), Mitt
MikeJ
@Suffern ACE: I’d also go with hoax. Sadly, having people screaming about a hoax means everybody gets to ignore the real thing when evidence appears.
Calouste
@Southern Beale:
It says “parody” in small grey letters at the bottom right. It might be a clue.
Mark S.
@Suffern ACE:
I would think France would qualify as a major US ally, but Mitt might declare war on them.
Rafer Janders
@Southern Beale:
It’s a fake.
Drive-By Nomad
Pssst…. Rmoney can’t speak without a teleprompter. Pass it on.
Betty Cracker
@noodler: Good point about the car thing. Bumper, fender, hood ornament — tail light, god help us, yes. “Square foot,” no. Makes me want to send the bastard a close-up of 1/8th of a 1967 Camaro hood and see what he makes of that monochromatic, featureless square. You’re right. Who the hell says that?
Mark S.
@Calouste:
Well, it’s hard to see.
scav
Someday there will be a Nigerian Prince with a sense of humor and they will own the internets. Because access to a bank number was all that was missing from that thing and it might even work.
Violet
@Southern Beale:
Where did you find that? Doesn’t seem like it could be real.
JGabriel
@WaterGirl:
I did not, but thank you for pointing it out. I’ll take a look at it later.
.
kooks
@Southern Beale: there’s a very light colored watermark on the bottom that says parody.
sock puppet
If I recall correctly, the Steve Carell character in Anchorman Romney is being compared to here, sired 11 children and became a top aide to President Bush. So Mitt probably feels a certain kinship to him. He, too, probably once ate a
“chocolate squirrel”.
redshirt
LOUD NOISES!
Eric S.
Jalopnik is on the 1 square foot case.
Culture of Truth
What is not a hoax is Romney’s career helping Marriott cheat on their taxes with a bunch of illegal, fraudulent schemes, including phony tax credits and a dummy corporation in Luxemburg.
feebog
the word “extemporaneous” is apparently not in the Rommeybot 3000 word file.
dmsilev
Question: If someone gave Mitt Romney a lobotomy, would he start singing ‘Daisy, Daisy’?
kasnarski
@southern beale:
$420,000 for drug czar?
LOL…there’s your answer
kasnarski
are newbies always in moderation for a period of time to establish worthiness or will I forever be stuck in moderation hell on this site?
FuriousPhil
As a Michigander, I could maybe see this guy fitting in with some Oakland county types – Birmingham, Troy. If he’s trying to connect with the rest of us, well…Mitt is like the man who comes from nowhere, any regional charm is scoured away in a facade of bland.
Some pointers Mitt – tell them you like Vernors, pasties (sort of U.P. pot pies, not stripper accessories), deer hunting up past M-46, jacked up off road trucks, and Mackinaw fudge next time.
This is like the rock band that forgets what city they’re in. “Hello, Detroit!” “THIS IS CLEVELAND!” “Nice trees you guys have here!” “THEY HAVE THOSE EVERYWHERE!”
cathyx
@kasnarski: No, just repost it without the naughty things that put it in moderation.
amk
Of all things to pick, this phony phucker had to go with phucking trees.
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
@Southern Beale:
I think it would be irresponsible to not assume it’s real.
Citizen_X
@Culture of Truth: If I’m ever in the same room as Romney and I hear him say, “Let me tell you about my mother,” I’m diving for cover.
gbear
Well at least Rmoney didn’t make a point about how much he loved all of Michigan’s beautiful ash trees.
Violet
@kasnarski:
Your first post goes into moderation until you get cleared. I think that may apply if you change your name or email address too.
After that, it’s the usual suspects that send you to mod: mention of certain games, and the venues in which they are played, in places like Las V e gas. The common name for footwear. Med i cations men take to assist with performance in the bedroom. Soshulism. Etc.
harlana
what about pie? does he like pie?
chrome agnomen
frankly, i wish all the right=wing candidates could be described as ‘car-on-man’.
Triassic Sands
I watched. I listened. I vomited.
What a complete waste of DNA.
lacp
@noodler: It finally came to me where I had heard this kind of weirdness before. Remember some years back when computer-generated poetry was a novelty? This shit sounds just like that.
West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)
Wow… just wow…. Okay, not breakin’ any new ground here, but what a pathetic, desperate robot. Does this guy love anything besides his own voice, hair and money?
WaterGirl
@West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.): I believe Mitt is quite fond of his broad shoulders, since he references them quite often.
Brandon
So when does DOJ raid AFCME, freeze their accounts and confiscate their computers for copyright infringement?
Marcellus Shale, Public Dick
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:
i wanna see the long-form price list before i judge.
Nancy Irving
Notice how R-Money refers to the “brand” rather than the “make” of cars? That should go over big in MI.
Librarian
This reminds me of….Lamp Monster!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc7ZaZz4CoU
Jebediah
@Betty Cracker:
Yeah, I have that same condition…
Jebediah
@MarkJ:
I grew up in Massachusetts. Fucking wrong-heighted trees are everywhere there! It’s why I had to move to California.
Blue Lanterne
And he even manages to slide in a touch of xenophobia, what a pro.
Thank goodness no one asked him to describe good things he remembered about his mother.