Anti-Contreceptor, King of the Spermicons, Jumps Into the Lead

If your party’s goal is to make sure every ejaculation has a clear path to its target, it’s Santorum or bust.

Newt loves the spotlight too much to drop out, but this is still fun news.






68 replies
  1. 1
    Tom65 says:

    Come on Newt, win another one so we can watch the GOP tear itself to pieces in Tampa.

  2. 2
    balconesfault says:

    Maybe Barney Frank didn’t live a good enough life to see Newt be the GOP Presidential nominee … but Santorum jumping into the lead suggests that Barney has someone up there smiling down on him.

  3. 3
    balconesfault says:

    I think the difference in the Teabag vote we’ve seen so far:

    South: love Newt’s dog whistles, consider Catholics cultists
    Midwest: suckers for a dollop of populist rhetoric on jobs, don’t consider Catholics cultists

    South and Midwest: Consider Mormons cultists

  4. 4
    Baud says:

    If I believed in 11 dimensional chess, I’d say that the whole birth control controversy was Obama’s attempt to nudge Santorum into the lead so Romney would have to chase him to the social right. But I don’t.

  5. 5
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    So which FPer is going to worry about how Santorum is the candidate that Obama should be most afraid of, and which commenters are going to wring their hands in agreement?

  6. 6
    4tehlulz says:

    Newt drops out after Super Tuesday and will be Rick’s VP.

  7. 7
    jibeaux says:

    Apparently a female state senator in Oklahoma has introduced legislation that life begins at ejaculation, and proposes to make it illegal to ejaculate outside of a vagina. I am loving this stuff, that might be even better than the “cardiogram and rectal exam for Vi-ag–ra” bill.

  8. 8
    Xenos says:

    @Baud: My 11 dimensional chess theory was that the controversy was cover for new tax regs and international agreements that will make it much, much more difficult for the 1% to escape with their money once the tax rates go up. Sure enough, nothing about this outside of professional journals and Forbes Magazine can be heard.

    I would put the GOP confusion in the category of unexpected side effects.

  9. 9
    PIGL says:

    I’ve remarked before, the GOP is a threat to the national security of the United States. I don’t think the Russians and Chinese are laughing. They are polishing their warheads in preparation for a premptive strike in the event of a Republican victory. Seriously, this political party needs to be drowned in the nearest bathtub.

  10. 10
    redshirt says:

    @Xenos: You raise a good point. Forget all the 11th dimensional stuff – at this point, it’s fairly easy to predict both the Repukes and Media’s response to any given thing Obama does or does not do.

    Knowing this, you can work the system for cover anytime you like by simply pressing one of their big shiny buttons – say, like a contraceptive policy that has been the law of the land for over a decade.

    12th Dimension!

  11. 11
    Alex S. says:

    Well, Romney’s campaign is the most soulless thing in politics since Terry Schiavo entered her vergetative state…
    Someone should calculate the delegates up for grabs in the coastal states, the midwest, and the south, with all southern votes going to Newt, all midwestern votes going to Santorum and all coastal votes (and mormons) going to Romney. And one should remember that a state like Washington has democratic areas at the coast and republican areas in the interior – which makes it a sort-of midwestern state.
    And since neither Newt nor Santorum will be accepted by the big GOP donors and SuperPACS and Wall Street traders, there will be either Romney or Jeb Bush.

  12. 12
    rlrr says:

    @jibeaux:

    I propose someone introduce a bill stating life begins after the second drink…

  13. 13
    Chyron HR says:

    Just you wait until the cities report in! I’d buy that for a dollar! VICTORY!!

  14. 14
    Mark B says:

    Next week, after Mitt has spent 100 million on negative ads against Santorum, not even Rick’s mother will want to vote for him. And we’ll have a new NotMitt.

  15. 15
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @rlrr: I’ve been thinking about the arrangements parents are going to have to make for their teenage boys in order to keep them from getting arrested.

  16. 16
    MoZeu says:

    @Xenos:

    Or, we’re entering the . . . [cue Twilight Zone music] . . . 12th dimension. . .

  17. 17
    MoZeu says:

    @Xenos:

    Or, we’re entering the . . . [cue Twilight Zone music] . . . 12th dimension. . .

  18. 18
    Yevgraf says:

    Santorum as the nominee could lead to the only clear self-reckoning on the right, and cause a fundamental realignment.

    Imagine people talking about fiscal responsibility instead of an amorphous conservatism. You could be looking at a major paradigm shift.

  19. 19
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @Yevgraf: Actually, we’ll probably spend all of our time talking about what happens when you google his name.

  20. 20
    Xenos says:

    @redshirt: Or maybe it is just regular chess. Against one of those dogs from ‘UP’.

    SQUIRREL!

  21. 21
    Mark B says:

    Seriously? A guy who got beaten in a landslide running for reelection to the US Senate is considered to be a serious candidate? Do you know how often incumbent lose in the US Senate? You’d have to be a really sucky candidate to pull it off. And Rick’s all about pulling it off.

  22. 22
    Baud says:

    @Xenos: First I heard of the new regs. Mission accomplished!

  23. 23
    RossInDetroit says:

    I haven’t been paying attention to politics long enough to recall a primary campaign with such uninspiring candidates as these. But then, Mondale wasn’t exactly setting them on fire in ’84. He ran against McGovern, Glenn, Jackson, Hart, Askew, Cranston and Hollings. At the convention, Mondale squeaked out a win over Hart, with Jackson having about half as many votes as either.

  24. 24
    Punchy says:

    @Mark B: I’m thinking a very effective negative ad against Santorum would be a very basic commercial begging viewers to Google “Santorum”.

  25. 25
    Linda says:

    Do I have to be the first to say it? “All the sudden.” Really, PPP? Arghhhh!!

  26. 26
    Svensker says:

    @jibeaux:

    Apparently a female state senator in Oklahoma has introduced legislation that life begins at ejaculation, and proposes to make it illegal to ejaculate outside of a vagina. I am loving this stuff, that might be even better than the “cardiogram and rectal exam for Vi-ag—ra” bill.

    I’m thinking since Catholic institutions can’t be forced to allow insurance to pay for contraception for women, then they also shouldn’t have to pay for Ve-agro boner pills except for married men whose wives haven’t yet gone through menopause. Otherwise, sin!

  27. 27
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    I’m not an FPer, but, Santorum scares me to death.

    Well, “death” as defined as Scooby Doo running away from a shadow on the wall, yeah….

  28. 28
    redshirt says:

    @Punchy: That would be wonderful.

    I can hear the scary voice over already… “Rick Santorum claims to be a god fearing Republican…… but have you checked the internet?

    Rick Santorum. Not right for the bedroom. Not right for America”.

    Paid for by Veritas VICTORY SuperPac

  29. 29
    Pavonis says:

    Rush Limbaugh seems to be siding with Santorum over Romney, praising Santorum as the “true conservative” and cheerleading his attacks on Romney. As a large chunk of the GOP base are dittoheads, Limbaugh’s support could be equivalent to tens of millions dollars worth of Super-PAC ads.

  30. 30

    @redshirt: and @Xenos: and @Baud:
    He’s not playing games. He has no need to play games. All he has to do is go about his business and they will scream and make fools of themselves. They’re like 2 year olds you’re not paying attention to.

  31. 31
    RossInDetroit says:

    I want Santorum out of the race for selfish reasons. I read blogs while I’m eating and his name is a real appetite killer. Thanks, Dan Savage, for grossing me out 3 times a day.

  32. 32
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Pavonis:

    El Rushbo is as fickle as just about any Rethug out there on this. None of these clowns stand a chance if the economy keeps strengthening, and deep inside, where you normally find a heart, El Fascisto Gordo knows it.

  33. 33
    WereBear says:

    @jibeaux: Except I don’t know if she was serious… I mean it is Oklahoma…

  34. 34
    Schlemizel says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):
    Not me! I think there is very good reason to be most worried about the Slimey Amphibian, some concern with Willard, sure, but Old Frothy? Damn that would be sweet, watching that wingnuttiest of wingnuts try to keep up with the Prez. The added benefit is I don’t think the media likes him much more than Willard so that would make up for my disappointment at not getting to see the MA. Moderate get Gore’d by the talking heads.

  35. 35
    Pavonis says:

    @RossInDetroit

    Don’t worry. Eventually repeated exposure will dull you to any disgusting mental associations.

    And google Santorum jokes are getting really old.

  36. 36

    @Mark B:

    And we’ll have a new NotMitt.

    They’re almost out of stock of those. The only thing left on the rack is a raggedy old Ron Paul and no one is going to buy that.

  37. 37
    pk says:

    @rlrr:

    You are wrong. Life begins when you think about sex.

  38. 38
    jibeaux says:

    @WereBear: She wasn’t. It was a response to one of those “life begins at conception” things. How Oklahoma has a Democratic state senator is another question.

  39. 39
    geg6 says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    So which FPer is going to worry about how Santorum is the candidate that Obama should be most afraid of, and which commenters are going to wring their hands in agreement?

    Oh, that was already rampant in the comments yesterday. No front pagers needed to get the hand wringing started.

    As a Pennsylvanian, I can only laugh at such concern trollery.

  40. 40
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    OK, let’s look at this seriously.

    OvenMitt is likely still to be the nominee.

    The Amphibian is probably the one who, if he were the nominee, would most likely precipitate violence breaking out through his use of a klaxon to broadcast dog whistles, as we saw in South Carolina.

    The Frothy One would announce that he’ll ignore Griswold v. Connecticut and be buried in his own Google search by the electorate at large.

    The gnome has no chance at all. He’s got his 12% or so of fanatical cultist followers behaving pretty much NOT the way the audience did for Steve Martin’s “non-conformist pledge” bit, and that’s it. Beyond that he has no appeal at all.

    As long as the economy continues to strengthen, and no out of the ordinary event happens between now and November, the 27% will sit and stew as the near sheriff is reelected.

  41. 41
    Montysano says:

    @Mark B:

    And we’ll have a new NotMitt.

    I’m sure Sarah Palin would be up for a few weeks on the campaign trail. Fleece the rubes, fluff up the checking account, then the inevitable retreat to Alaska.

  42. 42
    Libby says:

    The twitter told me last night that Santorum is now the 11th frontrunner for the GOP. If there was any justice in this world, it would be Buddy Roemer’s turn next.

  43. 43
    redshirt says:

    I still believe in Cain!

  44. 44
    Judas Escargot, Your Postmodern Neighbor says:

    @PIGL:

    Extreme as you sound, I don’t think you are wrong.

  45. 45
    Cat Lady says:

    @Mark B:

    Trump may rear his combover again. On some interview he gave promoting Romney, he said he didn’t “understand” the Santorum thing. Earlier he said if he didn’t think a Republican candidate could win, he would seriously consider running again, and he since he was one of the first notRomneys, he could actually believe he could be the last one. It’s too much to hope for – he would be like the grand finale of stupid at the end of the clown show fail parade.

  46. 46
    fraught says:

    @Punchy:

    Google “Santorum”.

    Just for a moment, I thought you wrote “Gargle “Santorum,” and it was not a very tasteful image.

  47. 47

    @Montysano:
    I think it’s too late. Her 15 minutes are well and truly over. Her expenses may already outweigh her income. Never have I seen a more likely rags-to-riches-to-rags story.

  48. 48
  49. 49
    Benjamin Franklin says:

    @PIGL:

    Shhhh. The mention of ‘terrorism’ brings the drones.

  50. 50
    kvenlander says:

    Don’t count out Cain, Bachmann, and Perry yet either! Since they only “suspended” their campaigns, maybe the American People can still draft them back into the race!

  51. 51
    handsmile says:

    On N. Leroy’s prospects: CNN was reporting this morning that Sheldon Adelson, the Las Vegas c*sino mogul who is the only significant financial supporter of the Gingrich campaign, has met privately with Mittens, assuring him of his support should the Mormon former governor of Massachusetts be the 2012 GOP presidential nominee.

    That such a report is being aired should alert the accounts payable department at Tiffany’s that the Gingrich account will soon be in arrears. N. Leroy and the lovely Calista must somehow cajole the Adelson family to keep writing the checks at least until the Arizona primary on February 28, where he has a reasonable chance at victory.

    As for Mittens, well, he’s about to lose his fourth consecutive contest, as reports from Maine suggest that Ron Paul will be declared the victor of its state caucus on Saturday night.

    As for the man ruining RossinDetroit’s meals (#30), many readers of this blog have as good a chance of being elected President. So no, Frothy will not be the nominee nor even number two on the GOP ticket.

  52. 52
    rlrr says:

    @Tractarian:

    That’s good news for McCain…

  53. 53
    g says:

    Ole Frothy, flush with his symbolic “victories”, can’t keep his piehole shut. Now he has to weigh forth on the Pentagon’s changing policies about women in combat – further exposing his inner patriarch.

    These guys! Just like Newt, one victory and they think everything that drops out of their mouth is a gold nugget.

  54. 54
    Roger the Cabin Boy says:

    If your party’s goal is to make sure every ejaculation has a clear path to its target, it’s Santorum or bust.

    I’ll take bust, please.

  55. 55
    g says:

    @Frankensteinbeck: I do look forward to the CPAC speech. Should be full of laughs.

  56. 56
    jibeaux says:

    @Tractarian: Those are interesting, although I really doubt he’ll take SC. Pennsylvania looks really odd, doesn’t it? How can nearly a third of people be for undecided or other?

  57. 57
    rikryah says:

    King of the Spermicons

    BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH

  58. 58
    Paul in KY says:

    @jibeaux: Must be from Tulsa.

  59. 59
    McWaffle says:

    I’m just afraid all this attention might actually undo the Googlebomb. What if his real website got more hits? That’d be an internet disaster! But I guess we’d just sic the rest of the internet on it and it’d get resolved.

  60. 60
    eyelessgame says:

    If I were Santorum’s campaign manager, I would be sending hookers to Gingrich’s hotel room every single night.

    Not to cause a scandal. (Newt would just blame it on the press, and anyway IOKIYAR.) To bribe him into dropping out and taking the VP slot.

  61. 61
    Tractarian says:

    @jibeaux: That is a huge number of undecided in PA, but pollsters differ in how far they press respondents to state a preference. It’s possible that this pollster just didn’t press at all.

    And Obama wouldn’t actually need SC to get to 400 EV’s. He’d need all of his states last time, plus the three closest McCain states (MO, MT, GA), plus AZ, and one out of ND/SD/SC.

    Sure, it’s a stretch. But at the rate the GOP implosion is coming along, I wouldn’t count it out….

  62. 62
    DanielX says:

    @eyelessgame:

    No, it’s okay if you’re Newt, since everyone knows he’s a shameless manwhore anyway. Besides, back up and think about who you’re talking about – do you suppose Frothy Mix would have anyone in his employ who’d know how to send hookers anywhere?

  63. 63

    @g:
    It will be a useful bellweather. CPAC is the hardest nut of anything-that-makes-liberals-angry-WOLVERINES! tribal Republicans. If they receive Palin as anything other than a goddess incarnate, it’s over for her. If she’s just another speaker, then it’s so over even the Wingnut Welfare Gravy Train may drop her. If she can’t control the rubes, she has no other use and is too annoying and unreliable to keep around.

  64. 64
    Catsy says:

    @Pavonis:

    And google Santorum jokes are getting really old.

    For those of us who follow politics closely, sure. But most of America doesn’t do that, and hasn’t had a reason to Google Santorum‘s name. And when they do, it’s brand new for them.

    I’m happy to continue doing my part to help them find that link.

  65. 65
    PIGL says:

    @Judas Escargot, Your Postmodern Neighbor: I know I sound extreme, but I am making a serious point. Some uncomfortable truths: the United States is no longer the only powerful country in the world; Americans, self-absorbed as they are, need to start taking account of how other powers view their internal affairs, because these other powers are in a position to do something about it. Imagine the coordinated global response were a Taliban like group totally hamstringing the government of Pakistan FOR YEARS, and within spitting distance of taking complete control in the next election? If the USA can not put its house in order, it’s only a matter of time before other nations start taking steps to protect their interests.

  66. 66
    David Koch says:

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  67. 67

    […] seems to want to talk about vaginas all the time. Every outlier poll which shows Santorum beating Romney or Obama will be touted throughout […]

  68. 68

    […] Anti-Contreceptor, King of the Spermicons, Jumps Into the Lead – If your party’s goal is to make sure every ejaculation has a clear path to its target, it’s Santorum or bust: […]

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