Louisiana Congressman Duped by The Onion ‘Abortionplex’ Satire

John Fleming (R-Idiot) fell for a nine-month-old hilarious article in The Onion which touted the grand-opening of an Abortionplex:

TOPEKA, KS—Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible.

During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation’s heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group’s long-standing mission and values.

“Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.” “And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it’s going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day.”

“The Abortionplex’s high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds,” Richards added. “That’s almost a million abortions every month. We’re so thrilled!”

These people are too stupid to be in charge of anything. Also, the fact that Fleming cpould read that article and think it true demonstrates that these nutbags actually think that liberals are pro-abortion; “pro” as in  “we love aborting shit.”

It’s absurd — and sad. But mostly, absurd.

[via The Atlantic]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

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89 replies
  1. 1
    Bulworth says:

    Better not to post to Facebook and have some doubt your intelligence than to post and forever remove all doubt.

  2. 2

    “Abortion by the wholesale”? I think congressman Fleming just coined a new the stupid.

  3. 3
    Culture of Truth says:

    nine-month-old

    Clearly this article is ready to live outside the Onion

  4. 4
    Tone In DC says:

    Teh st00pid – IT BURNS.

  5. 5
    redshirt says:

    It’s becoming clear to me they have no idea what “satire” is. Or irony. Or humor.

  6. 6
    rlrr says:

    It’s not the first time a conservative mistook an an Onion article for a real news item…

  7. 7
    Waldo says:

    What are the odds that, instead of admitting an embarrassing mistake, he’ll continue to be outraged by the mere possibility that such places could exist?

  8. 8
    rlrr says:

    Most conservatives have no sense of irony and cannot recognize satire.

  9. 9
    Mark S. says:

    Anyone could have fallen for that. The Onion hasn’t been around very long.

  10. 10
  11. 11
    brad says:

    Sometimes conservatives make me think irony actually enjoys being raped.

  12. 12
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    And yes, Congressman John Fleming of Louisiana is a physician by profession.

  13. 13
    MattF says:

    Wonder if he’ll have the chutzpa to blame his staff for this one. “My chief-of-staff, who is the one who normally reminds me to breathe in after breathing out, does all the intertube stuff.”

  14. 14
    vtr says:

    I have long thought that Republicans themselves believe the crap they say out loud. Nobody could be that dumb. I am proven wrong.

  15. 15
    Betty Cracker says:

    LMAO! What a maroon…

  16. 16
    Cap'n Magic says:

    And he’s an MD to boot. And people wonder why our healthcare system is so borked…

  17. 17
    rlrr says:

    @Waldo:

    During the Clinton administration, after much outrage over a scandal that turned out to be fake, Fox “News” justified their coverage by claiming the scandal was something Clinton would have done if he had the opportunity.

  18. 18
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    @MattF:

    Wonder if he’ll have the chutzpa to blame his staff for this one.

    Perhaps he pissed off one of his interns, because I find it hard to believe that the staffers and pissboys/girls in his office don’t know what The Onion is.

  19. 19
    bemused says:

    Idiocracy by the wholesale.

  20. 20
    russ says:

    64 seconds after posting to Facebook.

    Honey, what’s the Onion?

    It’s satire dear.

    OH!

    Where’s that damm delete button?

  21. 21
    LGRooney says:

    He probably knows but relies on the stupidity of his base to not look into the matter, until a bunch of rednecks with shotguns and TNT show up in Topeka looking for Planned Parenthood. Then, he might apologize. Until then, he’ll just feed off the rage.

  22. 22
    dmbeaster says:

    I thought the conservative fall-back in this type of situation was that even if objectively false, it is still symbolically true?

  23. 23
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Poe’s Law strikes again!

  24. 24
    FuriousPhil says:

    To give him just the slightest benefit of the doubt, I thought the creationist theme park was an Onion item at first.

  25. 25
    LGRooney says:

    @brad: Comment of the day

  26. 26
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    @russ:

    Honey, what’s satire?

    It’s something the liberals do, dear. Don’t worry about it too much.

  27. 27
    elmo says:

    Sure, it’s a hoax, but shame on Planned Parenthood for making it seem plausible.

    /KJLopez Sister Inviolatta

  28. 28
    rlrr says:

    I briefly thought The Conservative Bible Project was from the Onion

  29. 29
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    @Waldo:

    Indeed, that will be central to his point.

  30. 30
    Elizabelle says:

    Thank you for the laugh out loud.

    You would think that reading this would stop most people in their tracks:

    “Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.”

    But no.

  31. 31
    pragmatism says:

    head desk
    headdesk
    the indentation gets bigger every day.

  32. 32
    dr. luba says:

    @Cap’n Magic: Please. Not all doctors are idiots. Only about 27%.

  33. 33
    Cap'n Magic says:

    @MattF: Its been excised from his wall-but too late for him.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    Elizabelle says:

    2,000 procedure rooms in a 900,000-square-foot facility.

    The abundance of surgical space, Richards said, will ensure that women visiting the facility can be quickly fitted into stirrups without pausing to second-guess their decision or consider alternatives such as adoption.

    And it’s got a Lazy River too.

    Hello?

  36. 36
    jl says:

    Will Chuck Todd express deep concern about satire meddling with our sacred political institutions, which he realizes are rotten, completely dysfunctional, and in deep trouble, but which he respects and loves deeply?

    But, what about the sacred institution of Congresscritters making fools of themselves? With not satire to help them, how will that great political tradition, which I deeply love and respect, continue?

    I smell a dilemma.

    I for one do not care, and root for satire.

    Or, goofy political ads that are self satiric. I approve of political ads with fiendish Asians chuckling over the imminent ruination of our great United States. At least as long as they feature hot young chicks. I notice from a TPM post on the genre that some of these ads do not feature hot young chicks, and those are truly vile and should be condemned.

  37. 37
    Geoduck says:

    Someone set up a Yelp! page for the Abortionplex. The “visitor” comments are hilarious.

  38. 38
    28 Percent says:

    @Waldo: Exactly! What does it say about Planned Parenthood that this Congressdude believed that PP has $8 billion to spend on an Abortionplex in Topeka, and that they are so sure of their political position, in a country that Ross Douthat insists is wholeheartedly opposed to PP’s very existence, that they are announcing this in particularly puckish prose?

    It says that PP’s in possession of secret magic mind-controlling and reality-bending powers, that’s what it says about PP. Is it responsible to speculate that Satan himself, or if Satan was already fully leveraged, maybe some ancient civlization from outer space, might be behind this? It would be irresponsible not to!

  39. 39
    Aet says:

    Maybe he didn’t actually believe it.

    The rule of the Useful Idiot: maybe he just posted it because the rubes who support him might believe it.

  40. 40
    Richard says:

    With stupidity like this, it’s hard not think of Gilda Radner’s old SNL character…

    Chevy Chase: Weekend Update recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here to reply to a recent editorial, is Emily Litella.

    Emily Litella: I’m here tonight to speak out against busting schoolchildren. Busting schoolchildren is a terrible, terrible thing. I hear this is going on all over the country. Mean policemen arrest little children and put them in jail in the wrong neighborhood, so they can’t even play with their little friends. Imagine, busting schoolchildren! The food in jail isn’t good, and even though they get bread, I don’t believe they can get toast. Or nice cake. Now, who will tuck them in? Where will they hang their leggings? Where will they set up their little lemonade stands? Well, they don’t have toys in jail, except maybe..

    Chevy Chase: [ interrupting ] Miss Litella?

    Emily Litella: Yes?

    Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. The editorial was on bussing schoolchildren. Bussing. Not busting.

    Emily Litella: Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind.

  41. 41
    rlrr says:

    @Cap’n Magic:

    Tom Coburn, is a MD. Case closed.

  42. 42
    Culture of Truth says:

    Honey, what’s satire?

    “It’s the round wheel-thing cars run on, but that’s not important right now.”

  43. 43
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Elizabelle: The vast majority of people don’t read more than a sentence of anything, and I’m not sure how often anyone even gets beyond the headline of a news story. And it’s not a left-right thing, either, alas, as is evident from the entire HuffPo empire.

  44. 44

    I just love that the first comment is ‘The Onion is satire. How exactly did you get elected?’

  45. 45
    Zam says:

    @redshirt: They don’t know satire at all I worked with a group of southern conservatives for about a year. During that time I pretty much played at being Colbert, I don’t think they ever caught on, you one up their crazy and they just applaud and go up another level. They either cannot understand this type of thing or are on a level even higher than Colbert at this routine.

  46. 46
    jl says:

    Or, are the reactionaries worried about their competition that puts out far better nonsense, and that will drive them out of business?

    I notice that lately the political reactionaries’ best self satiric work is inspired, or more accurately, stolen, from actual satire.

    Maybe they are worried about an IP lawsuit? Those 99 year copyrights might just put them out of business.

  47. 47
    merrinc says:

    I just spent three minutes searching his FB page and while that article has been removed, there’s enough idiocy still on his Wall to make one’s head explode.

  48. 48
    Napoleon says:

    @rlrr:

    So are Ron and Rand Paul.

  49. 49
    Maus says:

    I couldn’t find that link, but I did find prolifers asking when they could “go to war” (I’m assuming not figuratively) over PP.

  50. 50
    khead says:

    Ok, well, this makes a bit more sense now.

    Turns out the dude is just a dumbass.

  51. 51
    ABL says:

    @Culture of Truth: you win the thread.

  52. 52
    smintheus says:

    The clown has already deleted his FB post. He’s also deleting all the comments elsewhere criticizing him or asking where his deleted Onion post has gone.

    He’s got 2 anti Planned Parenthood polls near the top of his FB page, and both are failing badly. He must be getting a lot of non-wingnut readers today.

  53. 53
    smintheus says:

    @smintheus: I checked back, and my own comment on his top post lasted less than 5 minutes before it was deleted.

  54. 54
    Elizabelle says:

    @FlipYrWhig:

    So true. I noticed that a lot with the political web headlines on The Washington Post over the last 2 years or so.

    Although, recently, they seem more accurate.

    Very clear the Post was going for clicks and misinforming those who wouldn’t read the actual article (which often directly contradicted the headline, but seven to fifteen paragraphs down.)

    The dead tree and web headlines would be quite different. Different audiences.

  55. 55
    Bob2 says:

    Ron Paul ob/gyn just suggested estrogen injections for women who are victims of “honest rape.”

  56. 56
    Culture of Truth says:

    Via Yelp:

    I also got the groupon for the Abortionplex and overall my experience was fine. The clinic was fast and service was friendly and efficient but they seemed a little ruder towards me (I think) because I had a groupon…

    One of the finest abortion experiences we have ever had period! every dollar of the eight billion is present at the new Abortionplex as the interior is absolutely stunning with its high ceilings and a spacious well lite design

    I went whole hog and splurged for the Deluxe Male Abortion (with Partial-Birth Abortion add-on for a nominal fee). TOTALLY WORTH IT

    As an anti-choice activist, there are few better places in America to trample on a woman’s constitutionally protected rights than at Abortionplex. At Abortionplex, valet parking means I don’t have to carry my signs and giant crosses and fake-fetus-in-a-jar all the way down the block and I can picket in climate-controlled comfort.

  57. 57
    Raven says:

    Fucking idiot Paul Braun is an MD.

  58. 58
    Phoenix_rising says:

    Maybe Rep. Fleming and Pete Hoekstra (MI-racist) are getting their advice on web presence strategies from the same consultant. Who is himself a plant from the reality based community. Hope he’s billing this stuff at $600 an hour.

  59. 59
    scav says:

    Ah, to have attained the same mental class as a Chinese news agency (another fine source of propaganda). Must be bursting his buttons with pride.

  60. 60
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @jl:

    Chuck Toad is scheduled for an early tumbrel.

  61. 61
    Michael57 says:

    @Mark S.: Yeah, the Onion only predates the World Wide Web. No one could have known this was satire.

  62. 62
    pseudonymous in nc says:

    I’d like to think that the crazification factor isn’t evenly distributed over all professions and fields, but my guess is that doctors are closer to the average than theoretical physicists.

  63. 63
    Emma says:

    @pragmatism: These days mine looks like the Marianas Trench…

  64. 64
    wrb says:

    This is up there with the Chinese falling for the retractable dome on the US Capitol story.

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/.....129538.DTL

    WASHINGTON, DC—Calling the current U.S. Capitol “inadequate and obsolete,” Congress will relocate to Charlotte or Memphis if its demands for a new, state-of-the-art facility are not met, leaders announced Monday.
    __
    “Don’t get us wrong: We love the drafty old building,” Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R-IL) said. “But the hard reality is, it’s no longer suitable for a world-class legislative branch. The sight lines are bad, there aren’t enough concession stands or bathrooms, and the parking is miserable. It hurts to say, but the capitol’s time has come and gone.”

    Demonstrating its commitment to “stay in Washington if at all possible,” Congress has invited more than a dozen architectural firms to submit proposals for a new D.C. capitol. Among the early favorites is the ambitiously titled “Halls Of Power,” a retro-futuristic design by the Kansas City architectural firm of Hellmuth, Obata, and Kassabaum. The Halls Of Power would feature a retractable rotunda for daytime sessions, a Dancing Waters fountain in the front courtyard, and 55 more luxury boxes than the current building.

  65. 65
    gelfling545 says:

    @pseudonymous in nc: Then everyone in his home state can thank their lucky stars he is not practicing.

  66. 66
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Richard:

    Presidential Erections, Sex and Violins, Endangered Feces…

  67. 67
    PJM says:

    He’s got somebody scrubbing his FB page on an ongoing basis. I made one comment and have already been blocked. Everything related to the Onion is going down the memory hole.

  68. 68
    Yevgraf says:

    OT, but I got to get something off my chest that I cannot vent out on Facebook.

    Today, I heard some of the most twisted, awful, evil shit I ever could have imagined that regards absolutely true material, and I am still trying to process what I heard.

    Basically, this stuff all happened on the record in a divorce which arose as the result of a molestation case that was filed years ago by people I know against a daughter of an old family acquaintance. I vaguely knew there was a lot of back and forth drama and accusation at the time, but everybody involved was closed-mouth to the wider world. apparently, the molestation was denied, but in the process, there were a number of allegations that were admitted regarding incestuous relationships in the household – father to all of his daughters, siblings with siblings. Brother admitted to screwing his sister for four goddamn years.

    It is fucking sick, and I have to deal with this woman on a not-infrequent basis. She’s weird to begin with, hard to deal with on a professional level, and prickly in demeanor and has a sense of betrayal over her husband not getting support from my office in a political race.

    Gah!

  69. 69
  70. 70

    The fact that the congressman found the article believable is in itself proof that Planned Parenthood secretly has ambitions to commoditize abortion.

  71. 71
    Elizabelle says:

    There are twenty physicians in Congress.

    Two of them are Democrats. (Rep. Jim McDermott of Washington is a psychiatrist; Delegate Donna Christensen, a delegate from the Virgin Islands, is in Emergency Medicine.)
    http://donnachristensen.house.gov/

    Eighteen are GOP.

    Two of those are Pauls.

    Four GOP physicians are OB/GYNs.

    http://www.patientsactionnetwo.....-congress/

    Why the disparity, do you think?

    18 to 2.

  72. 72
    slag says:

    @CaptainFwiffo: “Abortion by the wholesale” would make an excellent tagline.

    What I like about this isn’t just that it demonstrates how idiotic some of these people are, it’s that it demonstrates how fundamentally caught up they are in their idiotic ideology. And how that idiotic ideology is so far removed from reality.

    I’ll be honest, most of the time I read something a rightwinger has said (even a so-called moderate rightwinger, such as Bobo), my first reaction is something along the lines of: “Is this satire?”. Unsurprising that the exact opposite response occurs from the other side. Another indication of asymmetrical radicalization.

  73. 73
    Elizabelle says:

    @PJM:

    I captured these comments on Fleming page, then poof:

    Do you have any more satirical news items from The Onion that you would like to post on your page as fact?

    DUDE! You can’t tell a real headline from the Onion. Don’t worry about Obama, worry about your job!

  74. 74
    Joey Maloney says:

    I just stopped by Congressman Flemball’s page to ask if his staff has to water him regularly, and I see he’s taken down his link to this Onion post. But the sad part is if you read the stuff he’s linked to from ostensible news sites like WND and Fox – “Planned Parenthood’s abortion quotas exposed!” – that Onion piece looks perfectly believable by comparison.

    Whatta maroon.

  75. 75
    The Fat Kate Middleton says:

    I laughed so hard I aborted my foetus. Thanks, Congressman Babykiller.

    Remember this blast from the past?

    http://marchtogether2.blogspot.....ience.html

  76. 76
    debit says:

    Heres how stupid hot average republican is; Friday a guy came in to drop off his taxes and bit he’d about how much he pays, government waste, yadda yadda yadda. His outrage for the day was for the Met council of mpls for hiring musicians to play at a light rail station to discourage gangs. “can you believe it?” he said. “how many thousands of tax dollars is this costing?” I looked it up; 150 dollars for copyright free recordings. Dumbass.

  77. 77
    jayboat says:

    @Southern Beale:
    Something tells me that name is gonna stick like glue.

    Kidz these days. Always with the lulz.

  78. 78
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Yevgraf:

    I can understand why you’re having problems coming to terms with all that, it’s pretty abominable.

  79. 79
    Xjmueller says:

    The only reason this doofus saw it was because onion brought it back during the Komen kerfluffle. The beauty of it is that he now appears in the
    “literally unbeleivable” site

    http://literallyunbelievable.org/

  80. 80
    daize says:

    @Culture of Truth: “Mancenta” sent me into gales of giggles.

  81. 81
    pragmatism says:

    @Emma: that’s what the one on my forehead looks like. i’m fine with dying due to my own stupidity, but not theirs.

  82. 82
    Elizabelle says:

    @Xjmueller:

    You just can’t parody some of these folks. From your “Literally Unbelievable” link.

    J to B: B, you realize the Onion is satirical?
    __
    B: Call it what you want.

  83. 83
    jibeaux says:

    There’s more than a few “tells” just in the description…such as the EIGHT BILLION dollar price tag. This is someone who ostensibly deals with the federal budget as part of his job…

  84. 84
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Elizabelle: Conservatives just don’t get “humor.” The archetypal conservative joke, I think, is “hey fag, you’re a fag. Just joking.”

  85. 85
    barkleyg says:

    REPUG LEADERS ARE SOOOO STUPIDDDD

    that they don’t know the difference between a B and a M when using ILLION!

  86. 86
    Hungry Joe says:

    Re $8 billion abortion clinic: I used to love reading Ed Anger in the Weekly World News. One time he called for an end to the electric chair, to be replaced by … electric bleachers! We could execute 50 criminals at a time!

    Oh, geez, now I’ve gone and given them an idea …

  87. 87
    Cap'n Magic says:

    Hey-if money is fungible, then why is the GOP stone quiet over the $3 Bn we give Israel, given the thousands of legal abortions over there?

  88. 88

    What you said above about these turds thinking liberals like abortion for its own sake is summed up best in this paragraph from the story:

    “We really want abortion to become a regular part of women’s lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions,” said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. “Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus.”

    The guy read that, and thought, “Damn! I always knew they just wanted to abort babies for the hell of it! They love doing this shit! Now I have the proof!” This guy really believes that millions of Americans are sadistic baby-killers.

  89. 89
    JasonF says:

    Lest we forget, Representative Fleming is also the genius at the heart of this story from back in September:

    During an MSNBC interview to discuss why Fleming opposes President Obama’s tax increase on those earning more than $1 million per year, host Chris Jansing said that Fleming has an income of more than $6 million. Fleming quickly corrected her, saying he actually takes in a fraction of that gross amount–about $600,000. “The amount that I have to reinvest in my business and feed my family is more like $600,000 of that $6.3 million,” Fleming explained. “So by the time I feed my family I have, maybe, $400,000 left over to invest in new locations, upgrade my locations, buy more equipment.”

    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ti.....05241.html

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