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You are here: Home / Science & Technology / It’s a small hole, but Cthulu is a resourceful guy

It’s a small hole, but Cthulu is a resourceful guy

by Tim F|  February 6, 201211:49 am| 62 Comments

This post is in: Science & Technology

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We are all doomed.

Quoting an unnamed source, a Russian newswire is claiming that scientists have successfully drilled into an Antarctic lake that has been sealed off from the world for some 15 million years.

The Russians, who clearly do not watch American movies, had to drill through almost two and a half miles of ice to reach Lake Vostok, which has (or might have) an ecosystem that we can only guess about. In terms of hard to get to places this ranks somewhere not that far away from bringing back photos and geologic tchotchkes from the far side of the moon.

Rumors suggest that FBI has loaned a smart but mavericky conspiracy theorist and a skeptical redhead to supervise.

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Reader Interactions

62Comments

  1. 1.

    malraux

    February 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Get your Mythos right; you have to worry about Shoggoths and Elder Things in the Antarctic Ice, not Cthulhu. His isle is in the south pacific.

  2. 2.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    February 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

    And they had to promise him she would be the only woman there to get him out of sex rehab.

  3. 3.

    Tone In DC

    February 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Rumors suggest that FBI has loaned a smart but mavericky conspiracy theorist and a skeptical redhead to supervise.

    Gotta love the “X-Files” (though the description of the mavericky guy and the redhead thing could maybe, kinda, sorta also drag in “Fringe”).

  4. 4.

    scav

    February 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

    @Tone In DC: Little bit of Dr Who11 too.

  5. 5.

    schrodinger's cat

    February 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    The truth is out there…

  6. 6.

    Zandar

    February 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Dinosaurs, sentient fungus, Morlocks, water elementals, ice zombies, Lemurians, hell anything could come out of there and KILL US ALL.

    Crazy Russians. You send Delta Green/Bureau 13/The Avengers in first.

  7. 7.

    Dave

    February 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Can’t wait to see what crazy bacteria they unloose upon the world.

  8. 8.

    Maude

    February 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I read that the Americans hadn’t heard from the Russians and were very worried. I haven’t read that the Russians have been in contact.
    They don’t know how fast the ice formed, so 15 millions years is a guess.

  9. 9.

    canuckistani

    February 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Who Will Be Eaten First?
    http://rubbersuitstudios.com/ptcct.htm

  10. 10.

    WereBear

    February 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Face it, there few ventures that cannot be improved by adding a smart but mavericky conspiracy theorist and a skeptical redhead. Add in the “guy who’s so crazy he’s sane” and the cool/glacial blonde. (Somehow, women never get the crazy/sane. Don’t know why.)

  11. 11.

    4tehlulz

    February 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Entertainingly, the newswire story also speculates that the work could shed light on rumours of Nazi Antarctic cloning experiments.

    Sounds legit.

  12. 12.

    Linda Featheringill

    February 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    I think I saw a program about drilling down towards Lake Vostok. The location of the lake had been determined by radar and such technology. This was a small drill hole, not a port for humans to slide down into the lake. Still, they didn’t reach the lake because winter drove them away.

    Found the documentary:
    http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-lost-world-of-lake-vostok/

  13. 13.

    AnotherBruce

    February 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    @malraux: Besides, isn’t the alien cephalopod like miles tall? I don’t think there is a lake big enough to hold him.

  14. 14.

    BruceK

    February 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Aw, hell, if the past is any guide, everyone there is going to end up eaten, shot full of holes, blown to smithereens, or either burned or frozen to death.

  15. 15.

    Ken

    February 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    @malraux: Yeah, but that just makes it worse. A shoggoth could crawl through that borehole.

    (Also, it’s spelled “Cthulhu”, and pronounced “Kxha-gah gurgle ack” as you swallow your tongue, since no human throat can manage the sound – according to HPL, that is.)

  16. 16.

    tamied

    February 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    They’re looking for oil is my first thought. Just what we need is a bunch of humans fooling around yet another pristine area of the earth that’s left.

  17. 17.

    gbear

    February 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    So are they going to take advantage of the hole to dump toxic sludge into the lake?

  18. 18.

    Zandar

    February 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Imprisoned ice titans, alien colonists bent on revenge, worm monsters that hunger for brains, plant creatures that grow exponentially in the presence of heat, SERIOUSLY RUSSIA YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL.

  19. 19.

    Martin

    February 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    I welcome our new frozen blind fish overlords.

  20. 20.

    PaulW

    February 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Don’t forget prehistoric penguins that evolved into piranha-type flesh-eaters.

  21. 21.

    dr. bloor

    February 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Anything that crawls through that hole and sees what’s going on out here is going to crawl right back and seal the fucker up posthaste.

  22. 22.

    Stooleo

    February 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Less Lovecraft, more John Carpenter. Check this out for details.

  23. 23.

    Legalize

    February 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Isn’t this story taken from the first act of “Alien v. Predator”?

  24. 24.

    ricky

    February 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    It is obvious santions have not prevented Russia from being moments away from joining the Antarctic Lake Club. Putin posing topless on the ice cheet will be a propaganda blow from which we may not recover. Time to turn our heads while Israel handles this existential threat for us.

  25. 25.

    KG

    February 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    This feels like a place Cybermen would be.

  26. 26.

    cthulhu

    February 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Please correct the spelling of my name. As to the method of your eventual doom, let’s leave that be for now…

    Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

  27. 27.

    hidflect

    February 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    If they sold this water at $50/L I’d buy a bottle. Use the money to fund more scientific research.

  28. 28.

    jl

    February 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Hmmm, the Russian scientists were out of communication for awhile, now, conveniently, they (we are lead to believe) are back.

    Obviously they have already been replaced by our reptilian underearth overlords, who are VERY ANGRY that one of their abodes has been disturbed by their presumptuous serfs.

    When replicants attack.

    Either that, or sentient fungus pod people.

    Or that damned lake is where the gluonified Higgs bozontron gunk produced by the CERN cycloquarkatron has been trapped. Now it will drink the earth like a cheap fast food milkshake through the hole. I give us 3 days max.

    Too bad they did not drill a hole big enough to lower a manned capsule down there, where they would find Irwin Allen in suspended animation, with a disaster script ready to pitch.

    Anyway this plays out, I predict bad bad news.

  29. 29.

    Auguste

    February 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Lake Vostok?

    If it’s been gone for 15 million years…HOW DO THEY KNOW WHAT IT’S CALLED?

    /bah-bah-BAHHHHHHHH

  30. 30.

    Maude

    February 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    @jl:
    Thanks for telling that the Russians are okay.
    Let’s widen the hole and toss all the Republicans down there.

  31. 31.

    Judas Escargot, Your Postmodern Neighbor

    February 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    @jl:

    sentient fungus pod people

    Great. More Teabaggers.

  32. 32.

    Rafer Janders

    February 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    This whole thing’s so crazy it just might work!

  33. 33.

    Herbal Infusion Bagger

    February 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Cthulhu for President!

    http://www.cthulhu.org/

    Why vote for the lesser of two evils?

    Q) What is your candidates stand on abortion? Will it/he/she merely outlaw human life itself and thus end the issue?
    A) The Great Cthulhu cares little for mortal affairs and mortal politics. However, as a presidential candidate, it must take a stand. Cthulhu is, therefore, pro-choice because it cares little for what you do. However, it’s in favor of keeping humans alive, so that it can taunt and toy with them before they go insane and it eats them.

  34. 34.

    jl

    February 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    @Maude: The supposed Russians. But who, or what, are they, really?

    Too bad Perry is gone, otherwise we might hear about a fell Soviet plot afoot.

    Gingrich might bite, but I suspect he will ask why the US is lagging behind the Russians for the prehistoric Antarctic lake buried und er mile of ice colony race? Will they suck up all the venture capital? Damned Obama is turning this country into an also ran in every, and I mean every, respect.

  35. 35.

    Rafer Janders

    February 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    “Yesterday, our scientists stopped drilling at the depth of 3,768 meters and reached the surface of the sub-glacial lake,” the source told RIA Novosti.

    “Now our scientists can finally have their revenge on those cowards at the Institute who said our theories about a frozen Antarctic Atlantis ruled by a god-like race of frozen fish-men were an affront to all concepts of decency and morality! Now their eyes will be opened and they will finally see! The whole world will see! They called our scientists insane?! Now we’ll see who’s TRULY insane!” the source, who requested to remain anonymous because he was not authorized to speak on behalf of the project, continued.

  36. 36.

    Rafer Janders

    February 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I worry this is good news…for John McCain!

  37. 37.

    Maude

    February 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    @jl:
    Reminds me of The Thing.
    Hope they have electric down there, just in case.

  38. 38.

    Herbal Infusion Bagger

    February 6, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    On Cthulhu mythos and ice:

    http://www.goominet.com/unspeakable-vault/vault/213/

    more Cthulu-parody:

    http://www.hello-cthulhu.com/

  39. 39.

    el donaldo

    February 6, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Another stop-action animation of Carpenter’s The Thing, this time with G.I. Joes.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rT7AH4JyuNs

  40. 40.

    trollhattan

    February 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I hope 1. they have a sort of blowout preventer and 2. it’s not made by the folks who installed the one at Macando.

    IIUC it’s presumed the lake water is under vast pressure they have to be very cautious about not unleashing through the borehole.

  41. 41.

    redshirt

    February 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Free the Vostok Nine!

  42. 42.

    MariedeGournay

    February 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Look out for those Shoggoths and giant albino penguins.

  43. 43.

    28 Percent

    February 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Forget Mulder and Scully – only Kurt Russell can save us now!

  44. 44.

    chopper

    February 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    wonderful. hey, we’ve fucked up almost every other pristine ecosystem on the planet, what’s one more?

  45. 45.

    ljdramone

    February 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Please correct the spelling of my name. As to the method of your eventual doom, let’s leave that be for now…

    Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

    @26: “In his sunken city of R’lyeh dead Cthulhu lies dreaming?” I call shenanigans.

    The real Cthulhu would never refer to itself in the third person.

    In fact, I… strange. What’s th… Iä! Iä! I see it– coming here– hell-wind– titan blur– black wings– Yog-Sothoth save me– the three-lobed burning eye!…

  46. 46.

    Rafer Janders

    February 6, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    In fact, I… strange. What’s th… Iä! Iä! I see it—coming here—hell-wind—titan blur—black wings—Yog-Sothoth save me—the three-lobed burning eye!…

    If you experience any of these symptons for more than three hours, please contact your doctor. Ctulhex is not recommended for infants, pregnant women, or anyone with high blood pressure.

  47. 47.

    kestral

    February 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Quick, somebody call up Keith David and Kurt Russell.

  48. 48.

    Ken

    February 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Ctulhex is not recommended for infants, pregnant women, or anyone with high blood pressure.

    Fixed.

  49. 49.

    malraux

    February 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    @jl: The sentient fungus pod people (aka Migo) are more active in places where they can easily mine.

  50. 50.

    Cris (without an H)

    February 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    which has (or might have) an ecosystem

    (or might have had until now)

  51. 51.

    Jay C

    February 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    @Rafer Janders:

    Now our scientists can finally have their revenge on those cowards at the Institute who said our theories about a frozen Antarctic Atlantis ruled by a god-like race of frozen fish-men were an affront to all concepts of decency and morality!

    Dude, SRSLY: if they’re frozen, how much “ruling” are they going to actually be able to do?

    That said, I recall that in most of the cheap SF movies fictional treatments of the subject, it’s almost always the Russians who start thing off… just a coincidence????

  52. 52.

    Jay in Oregon

    February 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    @el donaldo:
    I’ve seen that video before, and I love it. The music fits better than I would have expected.

  53. 53.

    Rafer Janders

    February 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    @Jay C:

    Reckless mortal — you want to unfreeze them and take your chance?

    Fools! Fools! I warned you! I warned you all!

  54. 54.

    redshirt

    February 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Now that I think about it, the Molemen have been awfully quiet of late.

  55. 55.

    Kharn the Betrayer

    February 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Re: the title of this post… That’s what she said!

  56. 56.

    Waldo

    February 6, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    It could be worse. They might have been drilling in Lapland.

  57. 57.

    don

    February 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Charles Stross has already covered this in his short story “Missile Gap”.

    Also, for those who revel in Cthuhu and the Elder Gods, go read his “Atrocity Archives” (takeaway quote:”…and you thought that fractal screensaver was *good* for your computer…”).

  58. 58.

    stevestory

    February 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Gotta love the “X-Files” (though the description of the mavericky guy and the redhead thing could maybe, kinda, sorta also drag in “Fringe”).

    Just yestidy I was catching up on Fringe Season 3 and thinking of the parallels. A redhead, an FBI agent, paranormal stuff, secret gummint agency…

    But I concluded that it was merely similar to the X-files, not a straight-up ripoff like some shows I could mention…

  59. 59.

    different-church-lady

    February 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Isn’t this the plot to “Smilla’s Sense of Snow?”

  60. 60.

    allium

    February 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    @don: I think you mean A Colder War.

    Guest-starring Oliver North, Stephen Jay Gould, and Project PLUTO!

  61. 61.

    Paul in KY

    February 7, 2012 at 11:08 am

    @Maude: My books say scientists think Antarctica was last ice free 16 – 14 million years ago.

  62. 62.

    Bill Arnold

    February 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

    @allium:
    Seconded, A Colder War is a good story. (It’s reasonably short).

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