He is a cartoon…


One of Robert Crumb’s underground comicbook characters was The Ruff Tuff Creampuff. He was a stand-in for bully politicians who always broke down and cried like a baby whenever they are called out on their bullshit. There are lots of politicians who could be walking doppelgangers for the Ruff Tuff Creampuff, but of our current crop of wankers I think that Chris Christie should get the nod. He is a bombastic asshole who struts his stuff without a thought to the impact of his mindless dick swinging.

Take his latest action as an example. New Jersey, like many other states, is in the process of ending state sponsored discrimination when it comes to marriage. So-called Gay Marriage laws are being proposed in state after state. New Jersey is one of them and that has Christie looking for a cowards way out. He doesn’t want the Bill to pass, but he also doesn’t want his fingerprints on the delay. In an attempt to kill the legislation he is threatening a veto in the hopes that he’ll never have to actually use his pen. And to muddy the waters he is calling on a referendum to let voters decide if a minority among them should have the right to marry the person they love. Not content to delay the inevitable by a few more months or years, Christie decided that the way to sell his standing on the steps to block the Marriage Chapel doorway was to compare his call for obstruction to the 1960’s Civil Rights movement:

…he said, there’s nothing “so special about this particular issue that it must be handled by a legislature.”

“The fact of the matter is, I think people would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets in the South,” he said.

In his effort to avoid having to veto Marriage Equality legislation Christie calls for a referendum. Sure it’s a straight up chicken shit move, but it is also not unusual for your typical wingnut. And feeling a little over sensitive about his cowardliness, he decided that he had to go for a little swagger and dick swinging to mask his weakness with bluster. This led him to claim that if white folks in the Jim Crow South could have voted on whether or not blacks folks had Civil Rights the world would have been a better place. The stupid of his statement just burns.

When Christie is strutting his stuff and swinging his dick, he is all bluster and no thinking. And then he is shocked and hurt when folks call him out on his bullshit:

The comment outraged many African-American leaders in the state, who pointed out that such a referendum never would have passed in the south during the 60s — and that many black people were also disenfranchised at the time.

“People were fighting and dying in the streets of the South for a reason,” Oliver said. “They were fighting and dying in the streets of the South because the majority refused to grant minorities equal rights by any method. It look legislative action to bring justice to all Americans, just as legislative action is the right way to bring marriage equality to all New Jerseyans.”

“The governor’s comment is an insult to those who had no choice but to fight and die in the streets for equal rights,” she added.

Newark Mayor Cory Booker (D) had a similar take. “Dear God, we should not be putting civil rights issues to a popular vote, to be subject to the sentiments, the passions of the day. No minority should have their rights subject to the passions and the sentiments of the majority. This is the fundamental bedrock of what our nation stands for.”

And all of this has given Christie a big case of the sads:

“My point is, they’re trying to say the only way to deal with a civil rights issue is through legislation, and my point is that in a state like this, the fact of the matter is their own polling belies that position.”

He is entering the weeping self-pity phase of his cycle. Chris Christie is a cartoon. He is The Ruff Tuff Creampuff and a major league asshole.


48 replies
  1. 1
    Little Boots says:


    so true.

  2. 2
    KG says:

    Holy hell. Do they not understand how representative democracy works? Do they not understand the concept of equal protection?

    Never mind, of course they don’t.

  3. 3
    Smiling Mortician says:

    Shorter Creampuff: The NJ legislature shouldn’t pass a law just because it’s the right thing to do — especially not if it’s also the will of the people.

  4. 4
    cmorenc says:

    I realize Chris Christie is extremely tough competition for the Ruff Tuff Creampuff contest, but IMHO Newt Gingrich is still the Ruffest Toughest Creampuff of them all. I would vote that Christie is in second place all by himself ahead of the rest of the competition though.

  5. 5
    burnspbesq says:

    BFD. let him have his referendum. It will pass, overwhelmingly.

    201 FA LIFE!

  6. 6
    Little Boots says:

    Sorry, Repubs, America has decided to stop hating the gays. Let the dream die. it will not come back in our time.

  7. 7
    jl says:

    I’m sure whatever minority had their rights at stake in such a referendum would be given special one time voting rights for the referendum.

    That is just fair play.

    Wouldn’t work in 60s South? Well, we never even tried, did we?


  8. 8
    RossInDetroit says:

    Crisco’s in a panic that same sex marriage will pass on his watch. His eye is probably on his 2016 chances and that would be a big negative with the fundies.

  9. 9
    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson says:

    First it was activist judges and everything ought to be handled at state level by the legislature. Now it’s activist legislatures and everything ought to be handled at state level by a referendum. Doubtless in the near future it will be activist referenda and everything ought to be handled at state level by impartial Republican governors aided by the wise telephonic advice of the Koch Brothers.

  10. 10
    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason says:

    Oh, man, the Ruff Tuff Creampuff. From Despair Comix, IIRC.

    “It’s really too bad, the way things turned out …”

    Who knew R. Crumb could see the future?

  11. 11
    burnspbesq says:


    “His eye is probably on his 2016 chances”

    Those chances will become non-existent when the voters toss him out of Drumthwacket on his excessive white ass in 2013.

  12. 12
    Dennis G. says:

    @RossInDetroit: Which is why he goes for the full chicken-shit move and tries to wrap it in a “equality/civil rights” word stream of nonsense.

    He is a very large coward who covers his fear with bombast. He is a joke.

  13. 13
    Martin says:

    Why oh why can’t these minorities just step up and be a majority? What are they afraid of?

  14. 14
    RossInDetroit says:


    Yeah, bootstraps. If you’re not a majority you’re just not trying hard enough. Losers.

  15. 15
    Norwonk says:

    This seems to be the new Republican version of history: The South would have been happy to free the slaves or end segregation, if just that nasty yankee guvmint had kept its dirty paws off them! It’s essentially the same myth Ron Paul is flogging about how that nasty Lincoln caused the Civil War for no reason.

  16. 16
    RossInDetroit says:

    @Dennis G.:

    He is a very large coward who covers his fear with bombast. He is a joke.

    Which is not to say it won’t work perfectly. Consider the intended GOP audience.

  17. 17
    Geoduck says:

    Kinda of the reverse here in Washington state. Our rather milquetoast outgoing Dem governor, Christine Gregoire, evidently decided that since she doesn’t have worry about getting re-elected (and doesn’t appear to be seeking higher office), she might as well throw her weight behind getting gay-marriage legalized in the state. Looks like we have the votes in the Legislature for it to happen, too. Woot!

  18. 18
    GregB says:

    Enough blubbering Chris, enough.

    Here in New England the Rufftuff Creampuff is Bruin’s goalie Tim Thomas.

    The local talk radio blabber wants Thomas to get a standing ovation for his bravery.

    Apparently typing an emo FaceBook post is now considered a great and brave accomplishment.

    Even scumbag Scorpion Lady Brewer challenged President Obama to his face.

    I home Thomas gets a nice shower of boos next time he plays.

  19. 19
    Gin & Tonic says:

    Wow. Despair Comix. I am well and truly impressed.

  20. 20
    JGabriel says:

    I don’t think Christie is an asshole — I think he’s a pile of greasy shit.


  21. 21
    jl says:

    OT. Fred Thompson is worried that elderly, perhaps impaired, codgers are being exploited by ruthless political operators.

    I was going to make a comment, but can’t think of anything to say.

    TPM sez

    Fred Thompson Suggests Romney Camp Exploiting Bob Dole ‘At His Stage In Life’

  22. 22
    Mike in NC says:

    Having had the misfortune of having to drive up and down both the New Jersey Turnpike and the Garden State Parkway over the years, I can’t wait for them to name a rest stop after this maggot.

  23. 23
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Dennis G.:

    He is a very large coward who covers his fear with bombast. He is a joke.

    to wit: that “somethin’s goin’ down tonight, honey” comment. And of course, it doesn’t even cause a ripple among the Villagers, David Gregory all but sat in Christie’s lap the next Sunday. Yet another moment when I can’t quite believe it, even though it’s so predictable. It is kind of funny to watch him pant so openly after the Veep slot he’ll never get. He’s the Republican Evan Bayh, desperate for someone else to give the boost he needs to, in his mind, be the Next In Line.

  24. 24
    Mr Stagger Lee says:

    @Little Boots: Does Proposition 8 ring a bell? And where did that pass? Not in Utah, but California. Civil Rights of minorities should never be put to a popular referendum. People may say yes they support it in the polls, but would sh8tcan in the vote.
    @Geoduck: It will pass in the legislature, but I guarantee you this, WA state has enough of religious looneys plus a nice LDS population in the eastern half, to put it to a vote. King, Snohomish,Pierce and Thurston Counties, better come out in force or it will share the same fate in California. Unless the petitions fail, sadly there will be a vote.

  25. 25
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    “The fact of the matter is, I think people would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets in the South,” he said.

    1776. December. Trenton, NJ. Squire Chris Cristie implores Gen George Washington stop and think about what he and his soldiers are doing. “The fact of the matter is, I think people would have been happy to have a referendum (our Divinely Inspired Sovereign willing, of course) on forming a legislature rather than fighting and dying in the streets of Trenton,” he said.

  26. 26
    BO_Bill says:

    Being obsessed with swinging dicks and assholes seems to be especially prevalent upon Balloon Juice commenters. There is nothing wrong with this, other than a gross lack of mathematical ability. Which is not a good sign for your team.

    To those who relish Geometry, biology, and ballistics, it is readily apparent that Governor Chris Christie’s dick is physically constrained, and cannot swing.

  27. 27
    Chris says:


    Many of us have been having serious discussions about racism over at TNC’s, pushed by Ron Paul’s newsletters and Newt’s obvious race baiting. The growing consensus seems to be: whether actions and words are done out of malice, out of ignorance, or out of “I don’t mean it, but I have to for political reasons”, the mouth, the pen, the brain it comes from is racist. That’s pretty much where I stand.

    About that bolded part: here at Balloon Juice, I think we discussed the fact a while ago that if “I don’t mean it, I have to bcoz Politics” were a valid excuse, that would mean George Wallace wasn’t a racist… after all, the guy didn’t start out as a segregationist, he actually had NAACP support once, and only changed so he’d “never get outniggered again.”

    And, if we’re going with a definition of racism that excludes George Wallace, I think it’s fair to say that definition is pretty much useless. “It’s not who you are on the inside, it’s what you do that defines you” would seem to apply here.

    (All that to say that yes, I agree with that consensus).

  28. 28
    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson says:


    To those who relish Geometry, biology, and ballistics, it is readily apparent that Governor Chris Christie’s dick is physically constrained, and cannot swing


    Not all of us share your intimate knowledge of the minimal penile apparatus of the typical Republican, let alone your slobbering rapture over so trivial a topic.

  29. 29
    AxelFoley says:

    Wish that fat fucker would GDIAF.

  30. 30
    Martin says:

    Heh. Fred Thompson to the rescue:

    Asked by TPM whether his reference to that “stage in life” suggested Dole was too infirm to render sound judgement, Thompson clarified that he took issue with the Romney campaign’s effort to court the former presidential nominee.
    “He’s been in bad health, he’s had bad legs,” Thompson said. “I hate it when people irritate folks like that…you know they shouldn’t be bugged and dragged into all this, but if they want to they’re plenty capable of making their own decisions buying a reverse home mortgage.”


  31. 31
    Villago Delenda Est says:



  32. 32
    Mike in NC says:


    Being obsessed with swinging dicks and assholes seems to be especially prevalent upon Balloon Juice commenters.

    No, the original Brick Oven Bill was obsessed with female hygiene and armpit hair while watching Glenn Beck at Best Buy.

  33. 33
    Montana says:

    Good analogy.

  34. 34

    christie said about the dumbest thing you can possibly say, in terms of the “keep em separated” strategy for managing “others” in a default world. equating civil rights and gay rights has always been a third rail. aside from the stupidity of a referrendum of course.

    he and anne coulter should challenge each other to a lincoln-douglass debate about who has the more prominent adam’s apple. it sounds like BO_BILL would be the target demographic, maybe on the skinemax after dark type thing.

  35. 35
    RalfW says:

    The public sentiment on gay marriage is changing so fast these days that the poor widdle right-wingers can’t figure out how the ground under them that uset to be so firm is now a quagmire.

    Get a clue, Christie: shut up and sign the marriage bill when it gets to your desk. Its 1) the only decent thing to do and 2) will actually help you maybe not totally piss away the GOP to the entire next generation.

    But I doubt he can do it. Too chicken shit to take a stand for human decency.

  36. 36
    Corbin Dallas Multipass says:

    Doesn’t this at least somewhat relate to what Ta-Nehisi Coates has been writing about debunking Ron Paul’s “shoulda spent that war money to buy all the slaves freedom” riff?


    Christie gets to spout nonsense and it sounds good (to somebody, somewhere who wants to give him the benefit of the doubt) at face value but on closer inspection it’s horribly wrong. The advantage is not having to back it up all that much and just repeat it but in less specific terms (this is not what I meant, this is what I meant, aka what you are calling crying).

  37. 37
    MaximusNYC says:

    Has anyone discussed whether this isn’t all a gambit by Christie to bring a few more wingnuts out to the polls in November?

  38. 38
    Jay C says:

    It isn’t all that surprising that Gov. Christie would try to weasel his way around either having to sign or veto a marriage-equality bill in NJ: weaseling is what he does, and one supposes he figures he’s screwed either way: but dragging the Civil-Rights thing into it was dumb even by Big Chris’s woefully low standards. So now, instead of coming across as just a stupid fat fuck of a GOP hack; he can come across as a stupid racist fat fuck: progress!!

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Jebediah says:

    @Chuck Butcher:

    It’s almost as if he just spouts off without thinking about what he’s really saying, its historical context, or how people might take it.

    And that’s one of their big stars.

  41. 41
    ornery_curmudgeon says:

    Great post, Dennis! The cream-puff governor lol.

  42. 42
    brantl says:

    Of course, since it will pass either way, Governor-dipshit Christie, why not do it cheaply in the legislature, and save all the money on the referendum? Printing all those ballots, etc.? What a dick.

  43. 43
    Nora says:

    You don’t vote on minority rights. That is so stupid it made my brain hurt.

    First and most important, you don’t vote on giving people rights. People are BORN with these rights. They are inherent in being a human being. This is practically the creed of the United States political philosophy.

    Second, as so many other people have said, if the majority were okay with allowing the minority to exercise those inherent civil rights, then there wouldn’t be need for legislation OR a referendum. How often have we had to vote or legislate the rights of left handed people to vote? Or blue eyed people?

    I’m betting Christie was hoping for something like Proposition 8, with massive moneys coming into the state from the LDS and from the Catholic Church to kill the civil rights of gay people.

    What an asshole.

  44. 44
    Howlin Wolfe says:

    This type of second-guessing by the likes of Puff Puffstie is a standard device of the wingnutorati. With climate change, for instance, some denier will say, “It’s not caused by humans, it’s sunspot cycles.” As if the climate scientists that actually study this topic will hear this and do a forehead slap and a “D’OH! Why didn’t we think of that???!?”

  45. 45
  46. 46
    Ruckus says:

    But I doubt he can do it. Too chicken shit to take a stand for human decency.

    Hard to take a stand for something one doesn’t believe in.

  47. 47
  48. 48
    Fabio says:

    Sadly, he’s an A-hole with a 56% approval rating in New Jersey. So he can keep being an A-hole, knowing that he has a pretty good shot at getting re-elected doing what he’s doing.

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